Total Shuffled Action
by Fangren
Summary: [SEQUEL TO TOTAL SHUFFLED ISLAND] Two days after the dramatic conclusion of season one, those that qualified have met at an abandoned film lot for the next competition: Total Drama Action. But though it may seem like the original series you know, the contestants have been re-ordered in time and space; they have been shuffled. Season Two AU; pairing and update info in first chapter.
1. Chapter 1 - Monster Cash

**Author's Note**

At long last, it has arrived! The second season of the surprising hit 'Total Shuffled' is here, and right on schedule to! For those of you don't already know, **THIS IS THE DIRECT SEQUEL TO 'TOTAL SHUFFLED ISLAND.' PLEASE READ THAT STORY IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY, AS THIS ONE WON'T MAKE SENSE OTHERWISE.** From here on out, I'm going to assume you are familiar with the events of the first season and the premise of the series as a whole, as I'd rather not have to explain it again.

For this season in particular, I'm going into it with a few things I definitely want to handle differently than in canon. Action was never exactly the most popular seasons, even nowadays, but I'm hoping the plans I have for this story will make it at least as popular as its predecessor. I won't go into much detail, obviously, but I will admit that several of the finer points were only thought up while I was writing this chapter, including the majority of the elimination order. They've given me a great idea of how to go about the various subplots and arcs, and hopefully I'll be able to pull everything off successfully.

Now, this is normally where I would answer the reviews I've gotten since the last chapter was posted, but as this is the first episode and I don't want to answer reviews from season one here, this will have to be empty. I will, however, put in the reminder of who's currently competing as of the beginning of the chapter.

Girls \- Beth, Bridgette, Dawn, Jo, Sammy, Scarlett, Sierra

Boys \- Alejandro, B, Beardo, DJ, Geoff, Lightning, Shawn, Topher

The pairings will continue on from what was established in the previous season, with the possibility of others developing.

That aside, I hope you're all as excited as I am for season two!

\- Fangren

* * *

**Episode 1 – Monster Cash**

The scene faded into a long-distance shot of Wawanakwa Island's southern shore, the sun in the western portion of the sky. "Last season, on Total Drama Island!" a familiar voice began along with the familiar reverent music used to mark important moments in the series.

The beginning of the final race was shown, the last two campers shown at the starting line wearing their embarrassing cow and chicken hats, flanked by Chris McLean and Chef Hatchet while the losing contestants watched from the stands. "Shawn and Bridgette battled it out for one-hundred thousand dollars." The two were shown crossing the gorge with eagle eggs in hand, then Bridgette was shown standing around confused while Shawn raced ahead in a panic.

"In the end, _Shawn_, a guy with a _gigantic_ zombie obsession," the survivalist was shown getting informed he had won the challenge, "won the gigantic _check_," the shot of the second oversized check at the pool from the special was shown, "but then gave it all up for the chance to win One. Million. _Big ones_!" The host winked at Chef who ripped up the original check, Shawn was shown chewing his fingernails nervously, and Chef was shown raising the new prize high above his head. "With the million smackeroos stuffed into a briefcase," Chris' arrival at the Playa with the briefcase in hand was replayed, "our twenty-two campers set off on the _Race_ for the _Case_!" Nineteen of the campers were shown stampeding past Chris and Chef, and the case itself was shown hanging from it's starting tree.

"Until the case was eaten by an _alligator_," the host said bluntly over the clip of the suitcase getting snapped up out of Scarlett's hands by the aquatic reptile in question. "Then a _shark_." Likewise, the final scene of the much fought-over suitcase getting swallowed whole by a freshwater shark at the end of the episode was replayed. "I bet you they didn't see _that_ one comin'!" Chris laughed over shots of Jo, Dawn, Sammy, and DJ treading water in the lake as well as Chris' arrival on the scene by helicopter. The case was shown falling out of the wrecked hot air balloon, picked up by Scarlett, then tumbling all the way down the Dock of Shame and into the lake. "Now the fifteen who were the closest to winning have been given the chance to win _another_ million dollars! Actually," Chris added with a chuckle as the recap ended, "it's the _same money_..."

"They've been instructed to report to an old film lot," Chris continued as he walked down a small road running between a large stage light and a single small trailer, with several fake building fronts in the background, before a flash took him to the front of a few numbered studios in front of a what looked like a large fake hill,"for a whole new set of challenges."

"Forty-two days," he said over a graphic of a stopwatch with the hands spinning around, a wall calendar with the days getting crossed off, and a desk calendar with the date shown as '42' all flying across the screen in front of an alternating pattern of yellowish sun- and moon-shapes on a darker background. "Fifteen castmates," a strip of film appeared in the center of the screen with portraits of each contestant in the frames – The Arch Villain; The Strong Silent Genius; The Human Soundboard; The Wannabe; The Surfer Girl; The Moonchild; The Brickhouse With Heart; The Funnest Guy Around; The Take-No-Prisoners Jock-ette; The Athletic Overachiever; The Nice Twin; The Brainiac; The Zombie Conspiracy Nut; The Obsessive Uber-Fan; and The Junior Chris – before ending with frames showing an open treasure chest filled with gold and jewels. "One _heck_ of a lot of cash!"

The film strip melted into another close-up shot of the smiling host, the camera pulling back with each word to show another pair of trailers, a large tent, trees, film equipment, a large amphitheater flanked by golden statues, and the rest of the film lot in front of what appeared to be a canal. "Welcome to, Total! Drama! _Action_!"

A pair of pale-skinned hands holding a film slate appeared inches in front of the camera. The stick was clapped, and the intro began.

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be...famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be...famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

The episode began on a close-up of a round sewer grate with steam billowing out of it before the camera panned out and up to show the decrepit entrance of the film lot – an opening in a high concrete wall marked by an ornate-yet-broken bronze arch, outer chain-link gates that had already been swung open, and an unattended guardhouse with the boom barriers lowered. A dirty bus drove into the scene and squealed to a halt in front of the entrance, the rear fender falling off just before the camera focused on the opening doors.

"Sha-_zam_!" exclaimed the first person to come into view, an exuberant young black man in a blue #1 sports jersey with a duffel bag slung over his shoulder. "Lightning is _first_ to arrive, and he's gonna be the _last_ to leave!"

"Quit blocking the way, _Blockhead_!" a voice behind him demanded angrily, kicking him forward and revealing itself as a masculine young white woman in a gray sweatsuit. "And save the _boasting_ for when you've actually _won_," Jo added before stepping onto the pavement.

She was followed by the large, trench coat-wearing black boy known only as 'B', who in turn was proceeded by two people who tried to squeeze through the opening at the same time. On the right was an attractive and well-dressed young white man whose color scheme matched the host's, and on the left was a tall brown-skinned young woman with a long braid of dark hair streaked with purple highlights.

"Sierra...," the boy growled.

"Topher...," the girl hissed back. The two pushed against each other in their bid to exit the bus first, and eventually managed to force themselves through at the same time – they slammed into B in the process, nearly knocking him over and causing him to cast a silent glare behind him.

The doors of the bus closed and it zoomed off, leaving a cloud of dust and exhaust in its wake. When the cloud settled, the shot had pulled out to show all fifteen castmates sitting in front of the entrance with their luggage – the blonde in the red cheerleader's uniform; the petite and pale girl in the green sweater; the tall and muscular black boy with the olive shirt and white skullcap; the bespectacled young white woman with the vivid red bun; the laid-back-looking white boy with the unbuttoned pink shirt, cowboy hat, and conspicuous cast on his left foot; the white girl with the blonde ponytail and baby blue hoodie; the white boy with an orange vest, olive toque, and no visible hair outside his chin; the young black man in the overalls with more than enough hair to spare; the pudgy young white woman with the side ponytail and glasses; the tall, brown-skinned, long-haired, and handsome young man with the half-opened red shirt; and of course the five that had already been shown on-camera.

"And where _exactly_ is McLean?" Jo asked impatiently.

"He's probably just running _late_," Topher suggested with a hint of nervousness.

"Assuming he's coming at _all_," the other handsome boy said, a hint of gold in his mouth.

"He'd _better_ be coming," the vest-wearer added, "'cause I'd rather not stay out here in the _open_ waiting for him."

"Even with a million dollars on the line?" Alejandro asked.

"...I never said I was gonna _leave_," Shawn replied after a moment.

"Face it," the girl with the side ponytail said cheerfully, showing off her unblemished smile, "the money's the reason we _all _put up with Chris!"

"Oh, Beth!" the cheerleader spoke up, "you got your braces off! Congratulations!"

"Thanks!" Beth answered, flashing the other girl a sparkling smile.

"Magnificent!" Alejandro told her with a smile of his own. "You look _much_ better without those things on your teeth."

The girl swooned and nodded, then raised her eyebrows in realization. "Oh! You got your teeth fixed too, Alejandro!"

The charmer chuckled, then examined his reflection in a hand mirror. "Well, it was only _one_ tooth," he said, "and this gold replacement is a tad _tacky_ for my liking. However, it was all I could get on such short notice," he explained after stowing away the mirror. "At any rate, it is _nothing_ compared to what _you've_ had done."

"Yeah," the girl in the hoodie added, "you look really great!"

"With a smile like that," the hairy boy said, "girl, I bet you could be on a _magazine_ cover!"

"My mom said," Beth told them excitedly, "my world would _totally_ open up when I got my braces off! She was _right_! I'm gonna be on a _magazine_!" She began to jump up in down and squeal with joy, only stopping when she and the others heard a pair of honks and an approaching engine.

The camera zoomed out to show Chris arriving behind the wheel of a covered white tram with a single long passenger carriage behind the driver's cart.

"_Finally_," Jo grunted as the host came to a stop in front of the entrance.

"Hop on, everyone!" he called out as Jo, Lightning, and Sierra were shown grabbing their luggage and heading towards the passenger carriage. "Come on, people," he added jovially as Beth and Beardo were also shown preparing to board, "_sheesh_! We haven't got all day, this cart's rented by the _hour_!"

"Are you sure you're up to this?" Bridgette asked her boyfriend with concern as she helped him stand with his crutch. "I mean, with your ankle still _broken_ and all...," she added as the camera focused on the party boy's cast, the surfer's signature barely legible on its side.

"Like I told you before, babe," Geoff answered with a grin and a soothing tone, "I'll be _fine_! I might have a bit of a _disadvantage_, but I won't let it get in the way! And _besides_," his voice became more exuberant, "I _gotta_ have everyone sign my cast!"

Bridgette chuckled and smirked, then planted a kiss on the party lover's lips. "As long as you're sure," she told him. "But I don't want you doing anything risky, got it mister?" she told him with a pout.

"Sh'yeah!" Geoff responded with a flick of his hat and a smirk. "Don't worry Bridge, I'll be _extra_ careful." He put his arm around her waist and they kissed again before finally get onboard the tram.

Chris rolled his eyes at them before turning back forward and getting the tram moving again. "Welcome to the set of Total Drama Action!" he announced to a drumroll, pointing at the camera with both hands as they passed by several sets and trailers. The footage skipped forward to when they were traveling through the numbered studios, and Chris continued his narration. "This season's hottest reality show will be shot _here_, on an _abandoned_ film lot!"

"_Please_ tell me you had this place was inspected for structural issues before you decided to use it," Scarlett asked dryly from the front row of the cart.

"That's none of your business!" Chris told her, adjusting his rearview mirror to get a better look at the brainiac. "And _don't_ interrupt me!" he demanded, leaning back to point at the girl's face. "_Ev-er_!"

"Of course..," Scarlett muttered under her breath.

"You'll be spending the next six weeks _here_," the host continued as they drove through the set of a western, complete with cacti and tumbleweeds along the sandy street, "competing against each other in _challenges_ and for _rewards_, all for the chance to win some _mooonster_ cash!"

"And that's gonna be _me_," Lightning announced enthusiastically from his seat near the middle next to Shawn, giving each of his biceps a quick kiss. Chris shushed him, and the jock snorted and looked away.

"Like last season," the host continued, "one team will _win_, and the _other_ team will watch one of their own make their way down the _dreaded_ Walk of Shame, to the _Lame-o-sine_." He pressed a large red button on his dashboard, and the windows of his section of the tram rolled up just as they passed through the cloud of exhaust fumes produced by a sputtering, run-down limousine, with bull horns on the hood, that was idling at the end of a red carpet.

The fifteen castmates began to hack and cough as they were taken through the smog, leading Dawn to moan "We don't really have to _take_ that horrible thing, do we?"

"Yes," Chris told her bluntly as they cleared the cloud of fumes and he rolled his windows back down. "Now since we don't have the outhouse to dump your deepest, darkest _secrets_ in," his comment caused DJ, B, Geoff, Bridgette, and Shawn to look forward worriedly, "you'll dish the dirt in our _new_ make-up confessional!" As he made the announcement, they passed by the small trailer that Chris had been standing near in the beginning of the episode.

xxx

"Hey hey!" Topher said excitedly as he looked around the new confessional. The camera seemed to be positioned behind a one-way mirror set up above a dressing table. There were several bits of make-up and associated tools scattered around the table itself, while in the background were a costume rack and a few shelves of hats and helmets. "This isn't too shabby! Not up to the standards of a _real_ star, of course," he told the camera with a wink, "but it'll do for _these_ guys." He rolled his eyes and smirked, pointing over his shoulder with his left thumb.

xxx

"To your _left_," Chris continued as the tram was shown passing by the tent seen earlier in the episode, "is the craft services tent. Catered, by _Chef_." He idled in front of the tent just as a crash was heard from inside it and the hulking man ran out with a cleaver in his hand, chasing after a raccoon. While most of the castmates looked shocked or horrified, Geoff took the opportunity to stand-up, pull out a camera, and snap a photograph.

Chris grinned and stomped on the gas pedal, causing the still-standing party boy to fall back into his seat with a yelp. "_If_ you survive _Chef_," the host said with a sly grin as the background music began to build, "you'll have to make it through our dramatic _Award Ceremony_!" A triumphant tune unheard of before yet befitting a ceremony played as the tram passed by the large amphitheater flanked by large golden statues of the host himself. "Where all but one _loser_ will receive," the camera focused on one of the statues, which gleamed and glittered in the light, "a Gilded Chris Award!"

xxx

"Ooh, the _Gilded Chris Award_," Sierra said in sincerest awe. "I am _sooo_ going to collect as many as I can and send them back to my mom and grandma back home." She perked up and waved energetically at the camera. "I hope you can find a place for them in the Chris Shrine!"

xxx

"Are we _done_ yet?" Jo asked grumpily in her seat next to Sierra.

""I have an _eject button_," Chris said matter-of-factly, "and I'll _use it_!"

The jock-ette rolled her eyes. "Then by all means, keep going!" she said with a fake smile.

Chris smirked at the camera as he took the tram through a new set, revealed to be a moon set complete with a UFO set up by a crater when the camera zoomed out.

"Quite the variety you've got here," Alejandro said as he looked around with mild curiosity. "Why _exactly_ was this lot abandoned anyway?"

"I'm you asked, that Al!" Chris answered, the camera briefly lingering on the charmer's scowling face before cutting to the host's close-up. "You see, a few months ago, this lot was home to a _high-budget monster movie_, until the star began experiencing some...ahh...uhhh..._difficulties_?" he finally said after struggling to find the words.

"She had mental _breakdown_, no doubt," Topher said with a knowing nod. "Happens all the time in the _movie_ business."

"Actually," Chris corrected slowly, "the star wasn't a _her_. It was an animatronic _monster_!" He turned around suddenly with his hands raised into claws as the background music took a few dramatic beats and a few shots of large bite marks in the fake buildings and trees around the lot were shown.

Scarlett raised an eyebrow and donned a thoughtful look as she rubbed her chin.

"_Ooh_," Sierra asked excitedly, "what _happened_ to it? Did it go on a _rampage_?"

Just then an earth-shaking roar filled the area, forcing Beth, Beardo, and Sammy at the back of the carriage to cringe and cover their ears. Dramatic music rapidly began to build as the cheerleader nervously stammered "M-maybe that was just a _recording_?"

Chris just smiled silently, looking back forward as the camera cut to a shot of a radio tower, distinctly mechanical footsteps preceding a scaly green tail with orange-ish spikes that whipped into the building and knocked it over. The host quickly slammed the brakes, and a cry of "Sha-_whoa_!" from Lightning was followed by a "_Dude_!" from Geoff and a high-pitched scream from DJ as the tram started to skid to a halt and a cloud of dust enveloped the scene.

When everything settled, the camera showed the radio tower sticking upside-down out of the road in front of the tram. The castmates leaned out from either side to look at it nervously as the host continued.

"Since we're on a _film lot_," he explained as they teens leaned back into the cart, "this season's challenges will be based on _movie genres_. Today's genre?" he said with a smile as the monster roared in the distance. "The _Monster Movie_!" He chuckled before adding a mocking "Duh!" The animatronic beast was shown walking in front of the camera; its body was as green and scaly as its tail, and a pair of short, clawed arms suggested it had a classic 'bipedal dinosaur' build.

The castmates gasped, and the camera focused in on DJ, Dawn, and Sammy. "O-oh my," the petite girl stammered while the gentle giant began to tremble, "th-that was _quite_ large..." Both of them began to sway in their seats, and their eyes lost focus.

"There there," Sammy said quickly, grabbing them by their shoulders and helping them lean back into their seats, "I'll, umm, protect you from the monster," she told them while looking scared and uncertain herself.

"Good luck with that!" Chris told her happily as he got out of the tram. "For your first challenge," he said to the worried castmates, "everyone must get from _here_ to the cast trailers while our state-of-the-art monster prevents your _every_ move. Chef has kindly offered to control the beast," he added with a laugh, pointing behind him. The camera quick-panned over to show the hulking man inside a dark tent, dressed in a motion capture suit and stomping around in front of a few monitors with his hands in the air and a scowl on his face.

"Aaaaand, _Action_!" the host dramatically announced, only to be met by blank stares and a cricket's chirp from the teens. "Uh, that means _go_," he told them, and the passenger cart became a flurry of activity as the castmates raced towards the exit.

"Outta my way!" Jo growled, shoving Topher to the side.

"Lightning's comin' through!" the overachiever followed, grabbing the jock-ette by the arm and tossing her behind him.

"Excuse me!" Shawn said as he side-stepped Lightning and dove out the open side of the cart.

"Sorry!" Bridgette added as she barged past the uber-jock with Geoff on his crutch.

The camera cut back to Chris as the party lover banged his broken foot on something and yelped in pain. "This," he winced, "is gonna be a _long_ season!"

/

The shot moved to a long-distance view of two isolated trailers between the Craft Services Tent and amphitheater, the camera zooming in on them before cutting to a beach set complete with a palm trees, a large umbrella, and even a sand castle in the foreground. The castmates were shown running and screaming in a group, chased shortly after by the lime green monster. It was shown from another perspective, stomping down on another sand castle near a few surfboards and leaving a large, three-clawed footprint in the sand.

"Whoa, that was _awesome_!" Geoff cheered as he limped along at the end of the pack with Bridgette at his side. "I _gotta_ take a picture of it." He paused to hold up his camera, snapping a single photograph before his impatient girlfriend grabbed him by the arm.

"We don't have _time_ for that, Geoff!" she scolded as they started to run again.

/

A touching tune played as the focus moved back onto DJ as he and Dawn were led forward by their hands by Sammy. "I can almost hear your sweet lullabies, Momma!" the brickhouse sobbed as Dawn looked back and whimpered next to him.

"Just keep moving," Sammy said in an almost soothing voice, "and I _promise_ we'll be alright!"

/

The frantic music that had been used since the monster appeared began again as Geoff and Bridgette became the focus once more, still hustling along together with the animatronic monster approaching behind them.

"I think...," the party boy panted, "you might have to leave me behind again, Bridge!"

"No!" the surfer exclaimed. "You did that enough _last_ season, I don't want you to keep _sacrificing_ yourself for me!"

Geoff opened his mouth to reply, then noticed a claw-shaped shadow falling on him and looked back in horror. "I don't think we have much choice!" he said, quickly shoving his girlfriend forward when she stopped to look back, getting her just out of the way of the monster's hand. "I LOVE YOU!" he cried as the monster roared and grabbed him up.

"GEOFF!" Bridgette cried up in anguish as her lover was taken away.

The footage flashed to an inflatable castle set up next to a trailer as the monster, its head just out of shot, arrived with the injured party-lover. It roared again and dropped him, the boy clutching his hat to his head and yelling "Not the _foot_, dude!" He managed to land on his hands and knees and bounced back up into the air, wiping the sweat from his brow but in doing so accidentally caused himself to land on the feet the next time around.

He gave another pained yelp, and the footage cut to static.

xxx

"Oh, I hope the monster doesn't find me in here...," Bridgette began her confessional, looking around the room worriedly. She sighed, then looked straight at the camera. "I really love how laid-back Geoff is, and how _sweet_ he is to keep supporting me in challenges, but..." She paused and rubbed her arm awkwardly. "I don't know, it's just that with us being in the game again I wish he would start taking things a little more _seriously_. I know he's looking out for me, but I wanna look out for _him_ too!"

xxx

The camera followed Scarlett as she ducked behind a small shack on the beach set with a few surfboards leaning against it as Jo and Sierra raced past in front. The monster's tail was shown between a few dunes as it stalked through the area, and the two young women were shown spotting it and skidding to a halt.

"This isn't working!" Jo grumbled. "How the heck are we supposed to find the actor's trailers anyway?"

"Hmm," Sierra tapped her chin in thought, "since it's _Chris_, he'd probably make it somewhere _obvious_. Ooh, maybe we saw them on the _tour_!"

"Well, _that's_ a load of help," the jock-ette said sarcastically. "That tour took us all _over_ the place!"

"Yeah, but-" the uber-fan began to reply, only to get cut off when Topher ran past.

"Don't bother trusting _her_ to figure it out," he taunted, jogging in place in front of them for a moment before dashing off. "Why would you need to, when _I_ have the instincts of a _true professional_! I'll find those trailers in no time!"

"You'd best be _right_ about that, amigo," Alejandro added as he ran past the scowling girls as well.

xxx

"Uggh, I can't _stand_ that guy!" Sierra said in the make-up confessional, slumped in the seat with her arms folded across her chest. "Topher thinks he's _sooo_ hot, that he's the next big thing, but y'know _what_?" She leaned towards the camera suddenly, slamming her hand on the table. "He's not! He's not even the _next_ next big thing! He isn't even a _fan_!" she threw her hands up into the air. "He's just a _poser_," she finished matter-of-factly, leaning back, closing her eyes, and folding her arms again, "and _nothing more_."

xxx

"Hey, no point moping around _here_ and leaving yourself open to attack," Shawn told Bridgette as he met up with the sad-faced girl behind a row of surfboards. He grabbed her by the arm and they started to run, the footage skipping ahead to show them at an even pace next to each other as they crossed into a city set filled with storefronts and other buildings.

"You're right," the surfer said, "I have to keep my head in the game. We made it all the way through one season, so running from a giant monster through an abandoned film lot should be a piece of cake!"

"Yeah," Shawn added, "especially since it's _just_ the monster we're up against. Knowing Chris, I'm surprised half of this place hasn't exploded, caught on fire, or been filled with out-of-place _fauna_ yet!"

The sound of a sudden fire being lit caught their attention, and a few dramatic notes played as the camera cut to a house exploding, another burning to a crisp, and the now-seared bear that had been inside it roaring and charging at them.

"Well, at least I didn't say anything about _zombies_," Shawn quipped as he and Bridgette ran screaming from the bear. The shot pulled out and transitioned to the feed on a television screen, the host laughing just out of sight. "I thought the bear was tranquilized and returned to its handler," Chris asked Chef, who was still in the motion-capture suit.

"Had one day left on its contract," the hulking man explained.

"Nice!" the host said with a smile.

/

The footage cut back to the surfer and the survivalist as a sudden mechanical footstep shook them to a halt. "Oh no," Bridgette said with a point off-camera, "it's the monster!" They quickly turned as the animatronic beast grabbed for them with one hand, but ended up heading straight into its other.

"I can't believe we _lost_ like this!" Shawn said from the monster's hands as it carried its two captives through the air. "I think _I_ gotta get my head in the game too!"

The hand finally stopped and released them, the surfer looking down and smiling. "I'm coming, Geoff!" she exclaimed as she and Shawn were shown landing in the bouncy castle, the shadow of the party lover visible in the center window. She landed on top of him and he cried out in pain, and on the second bounce she cried out "Sorry!"

/

The focus moved back to Sierra and Jo, the jock-ette looking impatiently at the other girl as she thought. Lightning suddenly ran past to the right with a confident smirk on his face, prompting Jo to mutter "Ahh, enough of this!" and run after him.

"You're kiddin' yourself if you think you can outrun sha-_Lightning_!" the uber-jock taunted as the athletic young woman came up alongside him.

"And _you're_ kidding _your_self if you think you can beat me!" Jo shot back. "The only person who's gonna get to those trailers first is _me_!"

A sudden roar from behind them knocked both athletes face-first into a sand dune, landing so deep in it that only their flailing legs stuck out. The monster's hand swiped past, picking them up by their legs so that they dangled upside-down while being carried.

"Aww, _man_!" Lightning griped. "This is all _your_ fault!"

"Are you _kidding_ me?" Jo replied just as they were dropped into the castle. "You would've been caught _anyway_!" she added on the bounce back up.

/

Sierra was shown running through the beach by herself only to be met by Beth, Beardo, and B running in from the opposite direction with panicked expressions on their faces. She paused to watch them run past, then turned her head back forward and gasped.

She barely rolled away from the monster's tail as it slammed down onto the sand, and hastily ran away from it.

/

The camera cut to a close-up of Topher as he ran through the city, eyes closed and rubbing his temples with a single finger each. "Okay," he said, "my instincts are telling me to go...this way!" he popped his eyes open excitedly and pointed at a storefront, which he quickly ducked into. The shot zoomed out to show Alejandro watching with a skeptical look, then changed angles to show him leaning over to get a side view of the building – it was only a facade.

Alejandro rolled his eyes and looked around the street, noticing Scarlett darting across a side street and putting herself flush with a 'building' on the other side. "What is she _doing_...?" he mumbled as he watched the brainiac crack open a door and tiptoe inside.

A sudden crashing footstep caused his eyes to widen as he turned around, spotting the scaly arm just before it grabbed him. "You are surprisingly _stealthy_ for your size," he told the monster calmly as it held him up to its large red eye. "Just make sure you put me down _gently_. After all, I haven't forgotten what you did to me _last_ season, _Chef._" He grinned dryly, the camera focusing on the gold tooth in his upper jaw as it gleamed in the sunlight.

The eye went wide as the scene cut to Chris in Chef in the control tent, a trio of monitors showing the captured charmer from in front, behind, and up close. "Dang kid's gotta let that _go_," the cook muttered to the host.

xxx

Alejandro began his confessional by examining his smile in the large one-way mirror set between him and the camera. "I'll admit that I've put my plan to take legal action for my elimination last season on _hold_ for this competition," he finally said, "but I'm not about to forgive Chef Hatchet for tarnishing my face so _easily_. He's got a lot to make up for, and although I'd prefer a cash settlement, I'm open to other offers."

xxx

The charmer was shown being lowered gently into the castle by the giant animatronic hand, and he took a quick glance at those around him – Bridgette and Geoff were making out in a corner; Jo and Lightning were sulking on the other side; and Shawn had removed his knit cap and begun to scratch his bald head.

"Well," Alejandro said with a small smile, "it's good to know that at least I wasn't the _first_ to lose this challenge." The others all glared at him.

/

"Al?" Topher called as he ran through the deserted streets of the urban set. "Where are you, buddy?"

"I bet your crush already got _caught_," Sierra snickered as she appeared from behind him. "Either that, or he ditched you."

"Hey, you take that back!" Topher yelled. "All of it!"

Sierra giggled into her hands. "No!" she said, just before the monster roared.

"Uh oh," the handsome boy said just before a clawed hand appeared and grabbed them both. "Hey! Why'd you have to get us _together_?!" he protested as the mechanical monster carried them away.

"Yeah," the tall girl added, "you could've at _least_ used different _hands_!"

The monster, of course, gave them no reply except a sudden drop into the bouncy castle. They blew each other raspberries on the way down.

The six already in the castle gave the duo odd looks when they finally landed. "Oh, there you are Al!" Topher smiled, crawling over to the charmer without noticing his eye twitch.

"Told you he was captured," Sierra told him in a snotty tone, earning another raspberry from Topher.

/

The scene cut to Sammy leading Dawn and DJ down the streets, all three screaming as the monster stomped along close behind them. It caught up to the three at an intersection, and the largest and smallest of the group seemed to be paralyzed with fear.

"G-giant m-_monster_...," DJ whimpered.

"G-giant r-_robot_...," Dawn trembled.

"Yes, I know," Sammy told them with a mix of exasperation and panic, "and we should _really_ try to hide right now!" She grabbed them each by the wrist and pulled them out of the way of a swipe from the monster.

xxx

"Who would have guessed that _I'd_ be the brave one?" the nice twin told the confessional camera sheepishly. "I mean, even if it's only for _this_ challenge..."

xxx

Sammy forcibly got them moving towards one of the storefronts, quickly opening the door and pulling them through. Unfortunately, it was another facade leading to nowhere – there was even a noticeboard and water cooler on the opposite side of the wall, and what appeared to be an alarm of some sort above the door.

"Oh...," the cheerleader said in disappointment as she realized where she'd led them.

xxx

"Although I guess I'm still not very _good_ at it...," Sammy continued sadly in the confessional.

xxx

The facade's door slammed shut behind them, revealing Scarlett rubbing a mark on her forehead. "In retrospect," she muttered, "that was the _wrong_ place to stand."

A roar from the monster alerted all four of the castmates, DJ and Dawn clinging to each other shortly before they all were scooped up into the monster's claws. "For the record," the brainiac said dryly as she and the others were taken away, "I blame the three of _you_ for leading the animatronic robot to that location."

"Sorry!" Sammy said as the four fell into the castle, DJ and Dawn still holding each other in terror even after bouncing.

/

The scene cut back to the intersection near the previous capture, showing Beth, Beardo, and B sticking their heads out from behind one of the fake storefronts.

"I think it's safe," Beth whispered, and the three tiptoed out into the street. An eerie tune began to build in the background as they crossed to the very same doorway that Sammy's group had used before them, the lone remaining young woman staying back to keep watch as the silent genius and beatboxer made their way to the other side of the storefront facade. Despite the mechanical footsteps growing louder, Beth looked away from the streets once her friends had passed the door and began to step through herself.

She only managed to get one foot to the other side before a large claw tapped her on the shoulder. She nervously turned around, and the background music peaked as the camera shifted to show the monster crouching down behind her. Its face was shown for the first time, with fin-like crests on the top and either side; a nose that was little more than a pair of vertical slits, and a mouth full of sharp yellowed teeth.

Beth looked like she was trying to scream, but nothing came out. The monster roared, and Beardo and B were shown looking back in fear before ducking behind a cardboard cutout of a small red car. Beth was grabbed, and the shot moved back to the last two uncaptured castmates.

"Looks like it's down to us," Beardo said, still trembling. B nodded vigorously, but neither stepped out from behind the prop. They stood their for a few moments of terrified silence before Beardo continued. "We just gotta find those cast trailers that monster comes back. Any ideas?" B shook his head, eyes still wide with fear, and the beatboxer made a 'sad trombone' sound.

Slowly, the two young men began to creep out of their hiding spot. They stuck their heads out of the door they'd last come through and looked around. Seeing nothing, they jogged back out into the open, following the sidewalk to the nearest intersection and turning to their left.

They only got about a yard before the shadow of the monster fell on them. They gasped and turned around, Beardo letting out an air raid siren as he and B started running again. The monster caught up quickly, and grabbed them in one hand. However, something unusual happened when he went to lift them up – a surge of electricity ran along its arm, and it froze in place.

xxx

"Huh," Beardo said in the confessional, rubbing the back of his neck, "guess bein' kinda fat _finally_ came in handy. Although if I'm honest it's probably more _B_ than _me_. Good thing we stuck together! Uh," he added quickly, "not that I only care about the dude for bein' good in challenges or anything, he's a great guy. Kinda _cute_, too." He realized what he said and blushed, looking at the camera with wide eyes.

xxx

B was shown in the confessional next, smirking as he gave his belly a few pats and a quick jiggle. He looked up at the camera and shrugged impishly.

xxx

"Come on," Chef grunted in the control tent as he tried to lift the arm corresponding to the one Beardo and B had been caught by, "_come on_!" Another stream of electricity surged up his body, and the scene cut back to the two boys in the animatronic monster's grip. The mechanical arm shorted out again and the claw opened, dropping the last two castmates to the ground.

"Huh," Beardo said in surprise, "guess we were too heavy for it. Looks like we _won_, brother!" B smirked, and the two fat young men high-fived then bumped chests in celebration.

"Not _yet_, dudes," Chris interrupted, walking up to the pair with his hand behind his back and an impish grin on his face. "You still have to find the trailers, and only _one_ of you gets to actually _win_."

Beardo and B exchanged a confused look. "Hold up," the beatboxer asked, "there any place we _haven't_ looked yet?"

The silent genius tapped his chin in thought, then raised his brow and snapped his fingers. He turned and dashed off in the opposite direction, leaving Beardo behind to watch with a clueless expression. The hairy bow lingered less than a second before jumping into the air with the sound of an alarm bell, then mimicked squealing tires and a roaring engine as he chased after his former partner.

Tense and fast-paced music began again as the camera followed the two boys running through the streets. Neither had a clear lead in any of the clips that were shown, and eventually the footage skipped ahead to show them approaching the bouncy castle from the stand of trees and shrubs to the left. They hadn't lost their even pace and both seemed to be breathing heavily, but as the camera zoomed in on them it was B who suddenly fell behind.

The camera panned down to show that his voluminous coat had gotten snagged on a bush, allowing Beardo to unwittingly take the lead while B tugged himself free. The music reached a triumphant end as the hairy beatboxer finally arrived, slowing down as he walked past the inflatable prison, unaware that he was being watched.

"It's about time, man!" Lightning berated him through the dark window. "You kept us waitin'!"

"Don't listen to him, Beardo!" Beth said. "You did _great_!"

"Thanks," the boy replied as he sat down on the corner of the castle and wiped the sweat off his brow. "That's gotta be the _longest _three city blocks I've ever run."

The camera cut over to B as he finally sauntered into the scene, his coat undamaged. "Now that we're all here," Alejandro said, "I don't suppose either one of you could help us get _out_ of here, could you?"

B shrugged and opened his coat, then took out a long pin. He poked a hole in the corner of the castle and it quickly began to deflate, with everyone still inside it.

"That's not _quite_ what I meant," the charmer said, his voice muffled by the plastic around him as he and the other castmates struggled to get free.

"Huh," Chris said as he opened the door of the nearest trailer and looked around. "That didn't take as long as I expected. Also," he added after walking over to the collapsed castle to reveal that most of the teens had already gotten out safely, "looks like you all made it! Guess I lose the bet."

The camera panned across the campers as the host continued to speak – Beardo, Beth, Lightning, Jo, Bridgette, Topher, Dawn, DJ, Sammy, Sierra, Shawn, Geoff, Scarlett, Alejandro, and B.

"That was just a _warm-up_," Chris told them. "Good news is, your _next_ challenge is a _reward_!" The sounds of cheering teens filled the air, although the three on the end merely smiled. "It will be the _boys_ against the _girls_," the host continued, "with the winner getting _first_ pick of the trailers, where you'll be living for the next _forty-two_ days!"

It was then that the foot of the monster came crashing down on the trailer furthest away from the group, prompting a collective gasp from the contestants and a brief cringe from Chris. "Well, looks like Chef's got the _monster_ working again," he said quickly, resuming his grin. "And as I was saying, you will have your choice of Trailer A," he motioned to the trailer he was standing in front of, which had an orange awning on one side, "or Trailer..._Beeesh_...," he motioned to the one that had just been crushed, cringing as the foot stepped off it to show it and its pinkish awning nearly flattened.

"Off to the craft services tent!" Chris said, recovering quickly as the camera moved back to him and the castmates.

xxx

"It's times like this," Shawn told the confessional camera, "that make sleeping in a tree regardless of what happens _really_ worth it. And it wasn't even _zombie_-related this time!"

xxx

A reverent tune played as the footage came back from static, focusing in on the craft services tent before cutting inside and panning across a buffet table loaded with all sorts of picturesque food.

"Ooh," Sierra gushed as she and a few of the other castmates were shown in admiration along with Chef Hatchet, "this is _such_ a good-looking meal. It really goes to show how great _Chris_ is for setting this up for us."

"_Totally_," Geoff added. "This chow looks like something out of a _commercial_!"

"That makes sense," the host told them with a broad grin, "considering that _all_ of this food, is _fake_." The camera lingered on his close-up as astonished groans and whines were heard from the castmates. "Yup, just a bunch of props made from foam core, silicone, sawdust, and wax," he explained as the camera panned over to Chef, standing in front of a few bags and boxes of supplies, holding a saw and a jar of what looked like paste.

"Your challenge," Chris explained as the focus snapped back to him, "is to find the _key_ hidden _somewhere_ in this magnificent-looking fake buffet. Boys get _one_ side of the table," he continued as the frowning teens filed into the positions he motioned to, "girls get the _other_, whoever wins gets to pick their team's trailer."

The footage cut away from the handsome man's close-up to show the fifteen campers all lined up, the guys on the far side and the girls with their backs to the camera. "Aaaaanndd...," Chris said slowly, "_Action_!"

At his word, a wordless rock tune reminiscent of the song used for the original food-based challenge in the previous season began, and the table became a flurry of movement as fake food was grabbed and ripped apart. The camera panned across the faces of the guys from left to right, showing Beardo tearing through a pie, B contemplating a pineapple, Alejandro lifting a steak up to his eye, Shawn and Geoff looking through some sandwiches, DJ looking at the food uncertainly, Topher looking squeamish at the bits of fake food flying around, and Lightning eagerly putting his hands in a large prop cake.

The perspective switched to the other side of the table, and the camera panned back to the right across the faces of the girls, also hard at work. Sammy dumped out a bowl of salad, Dawn pursed her lips and looked back and forth across the table, Scarlett methodically pulled apart a pile of fake sticky buns, Bridgette held up a pitcher of ice water with an uncertain expression, Jo shoved her left arm up to the elbow into a fake roast turkey, Sierra sculpted a bowl of fake mashed potatoes into something resembling a head, and Beth started scooping out a prop watermelon with her hand.

"So how long do you think it'll take 'em to find the key?" Chef whispered as he and the host were shown again just as the rock music faded out.

"A few more minutes, give or take," Chris replied knowingly, as the camera cut to Dawn who appeared to have not yet touched the fake food. "I mean, there's only so much food they can look through." The mystic finally made a grab for a single dinner roll just as Lightning leaned over and grabbed the basket it was in, then calmly poked her thumb into it.

"I found it!" she announced over a shot of the host and cook raising their eyebrows in surprise. The camera cut back to Dawn, who was holding the key above her head and receiving surprised looks from those around her, the guys especially.

xxx

"It was just a matter figuring out which piece of prop food contained the most positive energy," Dawn explained with a smile and a small giggle in the confessional trailer. "It wasn't _that_ hard."

xxx

"Hah!" Jo barked a laugh. "Looks like Nature Girl's mystic _mumbo jumbo_ finally came in handy! That, or she got _lucky_, but hey! We still won, and that's what matters most."

xxx

"Okay, I know it doesn't seem like _much_," Sammy said, "but finding that key in the first place she looked was actually _kinda_ cool. I do feel a little bad that the guys are gonna be stuck with the trailer that was _crushed_ though..."

xxx

"Man, Lightning was sha-_robbed_," the overachiever sulked. "He's the one who got those _rolls_ first, that creepy girl just got lucky skimmin' off the top!"

xxx

Sierra began her confessional admiring the fake mashed potato bust of Chris McLean she had brought with her. "Dawn may have won the _challenge_," she said offhandedly without looking at the camera, "but I think _I'm_ the real winner here. It's not every day you get to make one of _these_ bad boys," she held the potato sculpture up to the camera and waggled her eyebrows.

xxx

"Well, uh, okay then!" Chris said quickly. "Looks like _Dawn_ is the _winner_!" The girls began to cheer and Sammy gave her friend a hug, but they blushed and broke it quickly.

"Looks like once again," Jo gloated, "the _girls_ beat the _guys_! Have fun trying to sleep in that _pancake_!"

The seven boys looked glum at the prospect. "You-you're not _really_ gonna make us _sleep_ in there, are you Chris?" Topher asked in a panic.

Chris chuckled. "Well, that's really up to _Dawn_," he answered. "She found the key, so it's up to _her_ who gets which trailer. Now let's go get this over with, shall we?" the host finished with a gleeful smile.

/

The scene cut to the cats standing in front of the trailers, the one on the right still flattened. The guys stood on the right, Dawn was in the middle, and the remaining girls were to her left.

"Ummm," she said as she looked from one trailer to the other, then to the boys, "sorry friends, but I'm afraid I _must_ pick Trailer A." She pointed to her choice before continuing. "But I do hope you will be able to make peace with your new, um, living arrangements."

"Don't worry about it," DJ said with a hint of sadness, "any of _us_ woulda done the same thing if we'd won, right guys?" He turned his head to the six other boys, and they hemmed and hawed but eventually nodded or murmured in agreement.

The girls cheered again, but their celebration rapidly turned to disappointment when the monster's foot suddenly stomped down on their own trailer, crushing it just as much as the guys'.

/

Chris chuckled as he watched the scene in the control tent, Chef Hatchet beside him in the motion capture suit with a foot in the air and a grin on his face.

xxx

Scarlett sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "That was unfortunately predictable. I mean, since when has _Chris McLean_ made things _easy_?"

xxx

/

It was now night, and Chef was shown hammering away on top of a rebuilt trailer. "Okay everyone," Chris announced as the camera zoomed out to show him driving past the girls in the main tram cart, "get a good night's sleep because _you've_ got a _seriously_ early wake-up call." He crossed over to the guys standing outside their own rebuilt trailer, saying "Call time is, 6 a.m.! Hah hah, sleep _quickly_!" before driving off.

/

The camera cut to the inside of the guys' trailer, a set of bunk beds visible on the left edge of the screen with a sink, cabinets, and sofa further right; the eight guys were standing in the middle of the shot. Both the sheets on the beds and the other seats were colored a dark orange.

"I call top bunk," DJ said as he moved to the left.

"I got bottom," Geoff, following behind.

"Callin' this one," Beardo said with a point to the top bunk nearest them. "You want bottom, bro?" he asked B, getting a nod and a fist bump in reply before the two walked over to their new beds.

"I take it you'll be sleeping..._elsewhere_ again this season?" Alejandro asked the bald survivalist as he stuffed a bag into one of the overhead cabinets.

"Yup," Shawn said. "The other beds are all yours."

The charmer shrugged as the conspiracy theorist turned and left. "Then if there are no objections, I'll take the top bunk over _here_," he said, walking past Beardo and B to an empty set of bunks in the corner, an orange rug being shown on the floor between the beds.

"And naturally, _I'll_ take the bottom," Topher said right behind him.

"Sha-_score!_" Lightning said happily. "Two beds all for _these_ babies!" He kissed his biceps, then jumped onto the last remaining top bunk on the wall opposite the beatboxer and silent genius. The roof of the trailer was included in the shot; it included an emergency hatch at the top, and the whole thing had visibly been patched together.

The scene cut back outside, the lights now out in the trailer as sounds of rest and relaxation came from within. Shawn was shown as well, yawning and stretching his arms as he walked around the trailer to the trees behind it. The camera then panned over to the girls' trailer, the lights still on inside.

"There are _eight_ bunks," Scarlett was heard saying just before the shot cut inside the girls' trailer, "and _seven_ of us. One of us will have two beds to themselves, so it's best we decide who gets that privilege in an orderly fashion."

As with the guys, the seven girls were standing in the middle of the room. The layout was nearly identical to the guys' trailer, save the use of green in place of orange. "Well," Sammy spoke up, "I'm fine sharing a bunk. Dawn, you wanna take the top like that season?"

"Sure!" the petite girl said happily. The blondes started to scurry off, but were stopped after only a few steps when Scarlett cleared her throat.

"While I appreciate you enthusiasm," she told them, "I would prefer it if you waited to claim your beds until the _rest_ of us are at a similar stage."

"Oh, sorry...," Sammy said.

Jo rolled her eyes. "What's the big deal if they pick their beds already? They're all the _same_."

"Umm, _no_," Scarlett said plainly. "While superficially similar in multiple aspects, their relative positioning in the room alters their distance to the door and therefore other amenities, as well as changes the angle at which sunlight will hit them. There are likely to be _other_ meaningful variations between them which we may discover later on, but at present those two should be sufficient to warrant consideration of individual preferences in choice of bed."

The jock-ette stared at her for a moment, then crossed her arms. "Okay, I _barely_ understood what you just said. But fine, _be_ pointlessly annoying, no skin of my back."

"Thank you," Scarlett said dryly before turning to the other three girls. "Now, would any of you like to volunteer to share a bunk with someone."

"Sure!" Beth said, raising her hand.

Bridgette looked at her and shrugged. "Yeah, I'll bunk with you," she told the shorter girl. They shared a smile, then walked over to stand near Sammy and Dawn.

"Sierra?" the brainiac asked the taller girl, who was rubbing her chin thoughtfully.

"Hmmm...it's not that I don't _want_ to share a bunk," Sierra said, "I'm just not sure I really wanna share it with either of _you_."

"_Same_," Jo grunted.

"I feel similarly," Scarlett told them. "Fortunately, this situation is easily resolved. Samey, could you please get out three make-up brushes, two of a similar length and one shorter?"

Sammy blinked. "Oh, uh, sure, I guess...," she said as she quickly dug through her bag and produced what she was asked for.

"Thank you," the redhead told her without taking the brushes out of the girl's outstretched hand. "We'll draw lots for it," she said to Jo and Sierra. "The longer two will bunk together, the shortest bunks alone. Agreed?"

The jock-ette and uber-fan nodded, and the three young women drew their lots. The camera focused on their hands as they opened them together, revealing that Scarlett had drawn the shortest brush.

"Well then," she said with a cocky smirk, "it seems _that's _been settled."

Jo frowned at the object resting on her palm. "Fine, but _I _get the _top_," she told Sierra, who shrugged in acceptance.

"Now then," Scarlett continued, "do any of you have any preferences towards one of the four bunks?" The three pairs of girls gave her blank stares, and she shrugged calmly. "Suit yourselves. In that event, there should be no objections if I take the bed in the southern corner." The camera rotated to show all eight beds as she walked past the other groups and claimed the bottom bunk in the back-left corner. Sammy and Dawn took the front-right, Bridgette and Beth took up a similar position across from them, and Jo and Sierra were left with the back-right set of beds. As with the guys, their roof had both an emergency hatch as well as the obvious signs of being rebuilt.

/

The camera cut back outside as the girls were heard getting to sleep, and Chris poked his head out from behind their trailer. "_Shhh_," he put a finger to his lips as the shot came in for a close-up, "they're sleeping!" He immediately took out a red megaphone-air horn combo and switched it on with a high-pitched whine.

"_THIS_ IS YOUR 5 A.M. WAKE-UP CALL!" he yelled, startling the girls awake. He jumped out into the open and laughed a bit before adding in his normal voice "I'm only kidding, you can sleep...," he took his megaphone back out and pointed it at the guys' trailer, "for now!" The guys inside groaned and he sound the horn, prompting a sudden, startled scream from the trees in the background, followed by a thud that made the host wince.

"That's a wrap on Day One," he said, turning to face the camera with a grin and a single finger in the air. "How will _Shawn_ fare now that he's back in civilization? What will tomorrow hold for _Geoff_ and _Bridgette_?" A deep and dramatic tune began to build in the background as the host continued his monologue. "Who knows what drama is in store for our cast? Well _I_ do," he put his hand behind his back and let his face fall into a scowl, "but I ain't _tellin'_." He smiled again, and stuck his finger back up. "See you next time, for another thrilling episode," he spread his arms as the camera started pulling out, "of Total! Drama! _Ac-tion_! McLean, _out_," he finished, putting his hands behind his back as the scene faded to black.

He laughed, and the animatronic monster roared. "Can someone _please_ put a _wrap_ on that _monster_?!" he exclaimed angrily.

(Fade to Credits)

* * *

**Author's Note - Post Script**

I hope you all liked it! Despite expecting most of the readers to have already read the first story in the series, I wanted to give a good and thorough reintroduction to the cast, and I think I succeeded in that respect. Not everything relevant was mentioned, of course, but a lot of what was missed here was included in the second episode.

Regarding the challenge, I kept the progression largely the same as in canon, including the monster's rampage eventually stopping due to trying to pick up more than it could handle. Also of note is that I actually got to write out the second part of the challenge, as unlike canon I don't have any big eaters in the cast to just plow through it. The music used for that scene, incidentally, is an instrumental version of the song 'Eat to Win' that was used during 'Brunch of Disgustingness' last season (in my head, at least.)

Hopefully both parts of the competition were handled as well as I feel they were. And, of course, that this was a fine beginning to what will be an excellent season.

I just have a few last things to note. First, I **_will_** be covering the post-elimination bonus videos for this season. Second, I've decided to change my _**writing schedule**_: Sunday-Tuesday-Thursday will be my main days for working on this fic, with chapters usually coming out at some point on _**Fridays**_, or possibly Saturday/Sunday if I'm running late. For those interested, Monday-Wednesday-Friday will be spent largely working on my other fic, Total Drama Rebirth, and Saturdays will be used for whatever I want - plotting out future events for either story, working on Total Shuffled World Tour songs, and possibly even working on one-shots. Or just relaxing, if I feel the need for a break.

Anyway, thanks for reading!

\- Fangren


	2. Chapter 2 - Alien Resurr-eggtion

**Author's Note**

Right on schedule, it's the second chapter of season two! And, of course, I've already written the third chapter for next week - it was a bit tricky, especially since I ended up changing who I wanted to eliminate the day before I started work on it, but I think I did it justice.

But that, of course, if for next week. Right now, I have the first reviews for this story to answer!

**acosta perez jose ramiro:** Congrats on being the first to review this fic! And yeah, good point about Scarlett - she's a wordy person, but perhaps that scene with the beds was too wordy.

**JinxQueen:** Haha, yup! Just another of the many minor differences that come as a result of an almost completely different cast.

**Identification:** Thanks! And yeah, Action wasn't as bad as All-Stars, but it didn't exactly live up to the first season either. And yeah, canon Beth's fickleness with guys really bugged me too.

**I. M. Poik:** Haha, yeah, I can already tell I'm gonna have a lot of reviews that look forward to that special.

**Ddynamo:** Yeah, I've been making it a point to reduce the amount of making out those two do.

**Star Saber21:** I'm glad somebody finally noticed the association between Shawn and bears I've been putting in. Thanks for the review as always!

**PizzaTheBomb:** Thanks! Always great to hear from new readers.

**ultrablud2:** Thanks! And yeah, I figured the new schedule would be a minor disappointment, but it really it something I've been wanting for awhile now.

**Cole D. soul:** Well, you're not alone about liking Action, at least among the reviewers. There's a lot about it I like myself, but I still personally only have it at 4th place overall. Thanks for the review and predictions!

**FOWLKON:** Yup, I'm quite familiar with those trope terms. I've made it a point not to flanderize Bridgette and Geoff like in canon, but as for the belligerent sexual tension between Sierra and Topher...well, the belligerence is there at least. Not so much the sexual tension, though, at least not intentionally.

**Knifez:** Always great to hear constructive criticism! I'll try to tone down the italicized words, and I get your point about a few of the captures seeming forced, although I wanna say it was the same for canon. And as for Dawn, her actions (or lack thereof) in the first part of the challenge were what I felt was a natural extension of the phobia I gave her way back in Phobia Factor; I also wanted to give Sammy a chance to shine a bit. Of course, I may have overdone it - Dawn's a tough person to write afraid. Don't worry, though, it's unlikely to happen again since there's not many robots in this series. As for the other stuff you mentioned...as usual, I'll try not to comment on future events if I can.

**Madison Wooten:** Thanks! And I'll tell you right now that the aftermath hosts and the person who will almost certainly take Courtney's spot will be revealed in the opening sequence next chapter, so you won't have to wait long to find out.

**80jj:** I'm glad you liked it! I really didn't like that scene overall in canon, since it was basically just one big fat joke at Owen's expense. The 'taking 10 hours to run three city blocks' was especially bad considering the guy ran all that distance during the finale. Having it take the weight of two larger contestants to cause the breakdown, as well as having them actually get to the trailers in a reasonable amount of time, were changes I just thought were natural to do.

**Lowland Warrior:** Thanks! Although I can't really take credit for the Gilligan Cut gag, since I was just piggybacking off what was already there in canon - it just had Trent instead of Shawn in this case.

**Mr. CyborgPineappleIsland II: **Thanks, and good to hear!

**bruno14:** Thank you very much!

With all those out of the way, here's a weekly reminder of who's still left in the game:

Girls \- Beth, Bridgette, Dawn, Jo, Sammy, Scarlett, Sierra

Boys \- Alejandro, B, Beardo, DJ, Geoff, Lightning, Shawn, Topher

Well then, let's get on with the show!

\- Fangren

* * *

**Episode 2 – Alien Resurr-eggtion**

"Last time, on Total Drama Action!" The recap opened on a long-distance shot of the film lot, a film slate being held in front of the camera and clapped on the final word of the title. "Fifteen teenagers," the castmates were shown assembled with their luggage outside the main gate as the host drove up in the tram. "One _engaging_ host," Chris said slowly over close-ups of him driving the tram and smirking at the camera, as well as one of the gleaming golden statues of him. "A _dilapidated_ film lot," he continued over a shot of the tram driving past the numbered studios, as well as Beardo and B hiding behind a cutout of a car. "And a _whole_ lotta coin! KAA-_CHING_!" Topher was shown giving a knowing nod and Dawn and DJ were shown trembling before the image of the treasure chest on a strip of film used early in the previous episode was reused. "Oh, and did I mention?" Chris added as the cast ran screaming through a beach set. "A remote-controlled _monster_?" The shadow of the monster fell on B and Beardo; the monster's tail slammed into a radio tower; Chef struggled to raise his fist in the motion capture suit; and all the while Chris laughed. "I love this show!"

"_Some_," Sammy was shown leading DJ and Dawn through the streets of a city set, "fared better than others. B and Beardo ran for their lives," the two boys were shown running through the lot, "and Dawn managed to ace the fake food challenge," the camera panned across the buffet table before she was shown holding the key triumphantly above her head, "scoring reward: first pick of the cast trailers!" The monster was shown stepping on the trailer on the right, followed by Dawn pointing at the uncrushed trailer. "_Shockingly_, even though she picked the right one," the other girls were shown cheering while the guys looked disappointed, "the girls' hope of victory were _crushed_," the monster stepped on their trailer, "along with their new digs." The seven girls were shown inside the rebuilt trailer getting to their beds, the roof visibly patched together.

"Who will be one step closer to the million bucks?" Chris asked the camera as the recap ended, revealing him standing between the two cast trailer. "Find out, on another _thrilling_ episode," the camera pulled back with each of the next few words until the entire lot was included in the view, "of Total! Drama! _Action_!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be...famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be...famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

The episode proper began with a shot of the craft services tent, the camera flying towards it and cutting inside to show Chef serving out something yellowish and lumpy to Lightning with an ice cream scoop. He dumped the food onto the jock's tray who then left to sit down, and Sammy moved up with DJ right behind her. The camera pulled back to show the serving window, a bowl of fruit on the left side of the counter, napkins and condiments on the other. A pan left took the shot to Bridgette, Geoff, Jo, Shawn, and Scarlett.

"Come on, Bigfoot," Jo grunted to the crutch-using party boy, "keep it movin'! We don't have all day!" Bridgette scowled at her, but Geoff looked somewhat sorry as he walked forward a few steps.

"More eggs and bacon for me!" DJ said with a smile as the shot cut back to the front of the line. The gentle giant was given a scoop of breakfast, and he eagerly added "Keep 'em comin', Chef!" The hulking man growled, causing DJ to back down and move along.

Bridgette stepped forward, but cast a look of concern behind her. "Are you sure you don't want any help?" she asked Geoff as he came into view. "I can totally help you carry your tray."

"Nah, I got it babe!" the party boy told her with a smile as she was served her breakfast by a grumpy-looking Chef. "I mean, it's just some _eggs_. And by the way," he told the older man as he stepped up to get served, "breakfast looks, like, not half bad!"

"Thanks," Chef said dryly while doling out the boy's meal.

"Sorry if I'm being overprotective," Bridgette said as Geoff rejoined her side. "I just wanna make sure you can still do this even with a broken ankle. You're feeling okay to compete today, right?"

"Aw, you know it!" the party boy told her as they walked past a table with a pitcher of water and some extra condiment containers on it. "I mean _yeah_, I can't run that fast any more, but that doesn't mean I'm _helpless_. And _besides_, I know I can always count on my sweet Bridgey-bear to back me up!"

"_Aww_," the surfer cooed as she leaned in to kiss her boyfriend.

"Hey, you mind taking the _lovey-dovey_ crap somewhere else?" Jo said as she walked past them. "Some of us wanna _eat_."

"Jeez, chill," Geoff told her. "Nothin' wrong with us showin' a little love. We don't have to be serious _all_ the time."

Jo snorted. "Sure, by all means, keep paying more attention to each other than to the competition. Just gives _me_ two less people to play against."

The blonde couple scowled as she kept on walking.

/

The footage skipped forward to show Alejandro frowning at his plate of eggs. "As awful as the _usual_ fare, no doubt," he said as he approached the condiments table. "Though perhaps some _pepper_ will distract from the taste." As he grabbed a shaker and started sprinkling the black powder over his plate, the camera panned left to show Beth and Beardo watching him.

"Y'know," Beth said, "ever since I got a _boyfriend_, Al and Topher just haven't been looking quite as cute to me."

"To be honest," Beardo said, "I haven't thought Al was that great ever since he-" The hairy boy stopped in mid-step and blinked. He made the sound of a videotape rewinding as he reversed his step and raised an eyebrow at his friend. "Hold up, did you say boyfriend?" he asked her.

"Uh-huh!" the short girl nodded enthusiastically. "I have a boyfriend now, and I _love_ him. Sorry for not telling you yesterday, I guess I just got distracted by the monster."

"No prob," Beardo answered with a smirk. "But you _gotta_ fill me in. Who is this dude? When did you meet him?"

"His name is _Brady_," Beth explained. "We met between TV seasons."

"You tellin' me you hooked up in that two-day break?" Beardo asked.

The wannabe nodded. "Yup! We met at the orthodontist. He was getting his braces off at the same time as me! At first, I wasn't _in_ to him," she continued as she and Beardo lingered at the condiment table, "but after the braces came off, look out!" She took a photograph out of her pocket, and the camera zoomed in to show an incredibly attractive white boy in a red polo shirt and a dashing smile.

Beardo whistled. "Dang, you really scored on him!"

"Excuse me," Topher interrupted, walking between them and swiping the picture out of Beth's hand before she realized it. "Hmm...I don't buy it," the handsome boy said, rubbing his chin as he examined the photograph, turning it over and raising his eyebrows as he saw several lines of print. "Looks like it's got a bunch of stats on the back," he said, "and I've been to enough _poise_ classes to know a model's comp card when I see one. I think it's obvious that Beth here doesn't _really_ have a boyfriend," he said dismissively, flicking the card over his shoulder and walking away.

"Hey!" Beth exclaimed as she quickly caught the photo. "I do too have a boyfriend! So _what_ if he gave me a comp card? That just means I'm dating a _model_!" Beardo looked around awkwardly for a few moments before Beth finally stomped off.

xxx

"Uhh, not that I'm _doubtin'_ her or anythin'," Beardo admitted in the confessional, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck, "but a dude that hot has _gotta_ have people linin' up to ask him out. Hard to believe he'd fall for _Beth_ of all people."

xxx

The standard dramatic tune began as the footage cut back to the breakfast tables, Shawn, Bridgette, Geoff, Jo, Scarlett, Lightning, and Sierra were shown sitting on a variety of chairs and stools at one before the camera panned left across the room – and a garbage can in the background – to show Topher, Alejandro, DJ, Dawn, Sammy, Beth, Beardo, and B sitting at the other.

"Welcome," Chris said as he walked into the tent wearing shades and a red cravat-beret combo, and carrying a canvas backpack "to Day Two of Total! Drama! _Action_!" He held up a film slate and clapped it on the last word.

"Uhh, are you just gonna do that each time or what?" Shawn asked with a mouth half-full of food.

"Yes," Chris answered, "yes I will." The survivalist shrugged in acceptance, and the host continued. "Today's movie genre, _Aliens_!" Jo perked up at the announcement, as did Scarlett, Lightning, and Sierra next to her. "Our unpaid interns have been _hard_ at work figuring out what makes an alien movie successful! _Chef_?"

He motioned across the room and the camera cut to Chef Hatchet as he stirred a pot of an unidentified viscous green substance. "You got _three_ basic rules," he explained, holding up his spoon. "Aliens want to take over the world and start makin' lots off _baby_ aliens. People fight back. Then the _military's_ called in." He casually threw the scoop of whatever was in his spoon into the room, and Lightning barely ducked under it.

"Yo Chris," Chef asked angrily, "where's my paycheck at?"

The host looked shocked at the sudden question and quickly answered "It's...in the mail!" A piercing note played as Chef's scowl deepened.

"Today's challenge," Chris continued without a second thought, holding up a folded piece of paper which unfurled into a simple map with a dotted line curving between points marked '1' and '2', as well as an 'X'. "_Find_ an alien egg," he pointed at the spot marked '1', "and return to home base before Mama Alien finds _you_," he moved his finger to the 'X', then pointed it at the castmates. "The two fastest get to pick the teams this season," Chris finished, tossing the map over his shoulder and holding up a pair of fingers.

"Might as well just give me a team now," Jo announced confidently. "I've seen enough of those kind of movies to make winning this _easy_."

"Oh really," Scarlett said with a small smirk. "I didn't expect _you_ to be the type who enjoys science fiction."

"Meh," the jock-ette scoffed, "I'll watch anything with enough action and a kick-butt _girl_ as the star. It just so happens that a bunch of alien movies are like that!"

"Hmm, well, I'll admit I've watched several of them _myself_," the brainiac said. "I like to list all of the scientific inaccuracies, and as a result I've familiarized myself with the tropes and idioms common to the genre. Don't count on an easy win."

Jo shrugged cockily. "Hey, I'm _fine_ if you get second place," she said, "but don't think for a _minute_ that you'll be able to beat me."

Scarlett just scoffed dryly.

xxx

"Ever since Jo prevented me from being the sole winner of the original million-dollar challenge at the end of last season," Scarlett told the confessional camera, "I've been plotting ways to get my revenge. Beating her in today's challenge will be a nice start."

xxx

"Hey, I don't really know much about _aliens_," Shawn said from across the table, "but if they're anything like _zombies_ then I wouldn't count me out of the running either."

"While I'll admit that you possess a number of physical abilities that would be useful against a hypothetical extraterrestrial," Scarlett told him, "that likely won't be enough in a challenge based around the conventions of a _film genre_."

"Sorry, Shawn of the Dead," Jo added with a short laugh, "but you just aren't gonna cut it."

Shawn scowled. "Yeah, well, I guess we'll just have to _see_."

"Yo Chris!" DJ spoke up as the camera cut to the other side of the room. "You got some laser-shootin' _monster_ playin' Mama Alien?"

"Not quite," the host said slowly before the shot cut to the serving window as Chef Hatchet walked forward in a rubber green alien costume with a bulbous head that didn't cover his large neck. "You call that _slime_?" Chris waggled a finger at him. "MAKE-UP!" he called. "MORE SLIME OVER HERE!"

Jo and Scarlett watched as a bright green slime poured onto Chef from the kitchen ceiling. "I hate my life," he grumbled as the camera pulled in for a close-up.

"Here are your GPS devices," Chris continued after pulling a tablet-like device from the backpack he'd brought with him, "complete with maps of the film lot." He tossed the GPS across the room where it was caught by a smirking Scarlett; another followed moments later and was caught by Jo. "Find the alien eggs," Chris said as DJ was shown receiving one of the devices, "but be _careful_! Cause today, you're all on Chef's _menu_!" He smirked, and his hulking assistant giggled menacingly.

/

A few dramatic notes played as the scene flashed over to the challenge set: it was entirely indoors, and had a sort of futuristic industrial feel reminiscent of the inside of a spaceship in a science fiction movie. There were ramps and walkways all around, and the wall seemed to be made up of machines, valves, tubes, and wires. The whole room had a bluish-green tint to it.

One of the GPS devices was shown in a close-up, with buttons on either side of the screen which showed a map of the area. A trail of flashing lights marked the holder's location, which as the camera zoomed out was shown to be Sammy. As the set around them creaked and groaned, she shot a look back at DJ, who shot a look back at Dawn, who looked around before the camera panned to B walking behind her.

"Do you think we should stick together?" the cheerleader asked. "I don't really know a lot about aliens, but there's supposed to be safety in numbers, right?"

"I hope so," DJ told her. "This place is giving me the _creeps_."

They passed by a large metallic door, and Dawn lingered to look at it. "Oh _my_," she shuddered, "I can sense the soulless evil in that room from out here!" She paused a moment to think. "_Probably_ just where Chris is."

/

The shot pulled out to show Chris sitting in a chair before a wall of monitors, all of which were viewing Dawn. "Well she's not _wrong_," the host smiled amidst the beeping of computers. "Now take _that_," he laughed, pressing a button on the keyboard in front of him.

/

A jet of smoke burst out from the wall above Sammy and DJ, and the two yelped and huddled close together. The cloud dispersed quickly and they locked eyes, then blushed and stepped away from each other.

xxx

"Okay, I know DJ doesn't wanna go out with anyone right now," Sammy told the confessional camera nervously, "but a big part of me still wants to try to get him to change his mind. That doesn't make me a bad person, does it?"

xxx

"Man, this whole 'liking two girls at the same time' thing is _tough_," DJ said in the make-up trailer. "Especially since I _know_ Sammy likes me back. Maybe I should just ask Dawn how _she_ feels? Or would that be _weird_? I dunno, man." He scratched his head and looked into the camera helplessly.

xxx

Another close-up of the GPS in Sammy's hands was shown as she nervously walked forward with DJ. The camera panned left to show most of the others following behind – Dawn, B, Beth, Beardo, Sierra, Lightning, Topher, and Alejandro at the tail end.

The charmer was watching a GPS of his own, raising an eyebrow and looking around the room. "Odd, it looks like _we're_ the only one on the map right now. Has Chef not entered the area yet? I feel we should-"

"Uh," Lightning interrupted, "you'd _better_ not be thinkin' of tellin' the rest of us what to do now."

"Yeah," Sierra added. "In fact, why are you and _Topher_ even _following_ the rest of us? Nobody _likes_ you."

"Well it's not like we had anywhere _else_ to go," Topher shot back at ber. "And besides, _plenty_ of people like us!"

"Hmmph," Sierra sniffed, crossing her arms and looking away from her enemy, "that's what _you_ think." She walked ahead of the pack, leaving Lightning and Alejandro mildly bewildered and Topher looking annoyed.

"Uh, just so you know," the uber-jock said, "Lightning don't _care_ if people like you or not, he ain't gonna listen either way."

xxx

"If there's _one_ thing Lightning sha-learned last season," the overachiever confessed, "it's that you gotta watch who you team up with. I helped Alejandro a whole bunch, but he never did _squat_ for me! Plus, he even voted me off! Well not _this_ time," the jock crossed his arms. "This time, _Lightning's_ gonna be the one callin' the shots for any alliances he's in."

xxx

The footage cut back to the challenge, where Jo and Scarlett were seen walking together, each holding a GPS. A sudden noise echoing through the hallway gave them pause; it was followed by a peculiar two-toned sound that almost sounded like a groan. The two young women looked around suspiciously, then camera angle shifting to show Shawn just behind them, and Sammy and the others just past him.

"I believe we're in need of a _volunteer_ to investigate the sound we just heard," Scarlet said quietly with a light smirk. "Someone who possesses courage and athleticism...such as _you_, Jo."

"Oh no," the jock-ette replied, "I'm not gonna be your _bait_ and be the first one out. Get someone else to do it. Zombie Boy," she turned to Shawn, "how 'bout you?"

"How about _not_," the bald survivalist deadpanned. "Heck, I'm about ready to just get _out_ of here, and..."

He trailed off when he spotted Dawn calmly walking past, surprising both him and the two girls ahead of him. She stopped at the intersection near where the sound was coming from, and looked around without fear.

"As I thought," Dawn announced, "it's only Bridgette and Geoff. Oh, but they don't look to be in the best of shapes."

The viewpoint shifted to show the two blondes lying on the metal floor, groaning as they held their heads and tried to get back to their feet.

"What," Jo asked as she rounded the corner, "did you two have an accident while _making out_ or something?"

"_No_...," Bridgette spat.

"I just figured I'd go on ahead a bit...," Geoff began to explain after he shook his head a few times.

"...which _I_ thought was a bad idea considering the _condition_ he's in," Bridgette added in an annoyed tone as she stood up.

"So she followed me, but then tripped over my crutch when I stopped walking and pulled me down with her," Geoff finished sadly. "Sorry for spookin' you guys, I guess."

"Well, I guess it _was_ kinda my fault," Bridgette said as she helped Geoff back up. "But I don't want you to go off alone like that, mister."

Jo just rolled her eyes.

xxx

"Sure, I coulda taken Chef had he _actually_ been there," Jo explained in the make-up trailer, "but that would mean letting _Scarlett_ think me going out there was _her_ idea. And I got enough of other people thinking they could use me _last_ season."

xxx

Another GPS close-up showed a single green dot on the screen, flashing and beeping rapidly. The viewpoint changed back to show the device in Jo's hands and all fifteen castmates looking towards it with various levels of nervousness. Scarlett and Shawn were still closest to the jock-ette, but Sierra had also gotten closer. Next to them were Dawn, Sammy, and DJ, then Geoff and Bridgette, Topher and Alejandro, and Lightning, Beth, Beardo, and B clustered together on the right side of the scene.

"Has it struck anybody else that maybe bunching up like this _wasn't_ a good move?" Shawn asked.

"Agreed," Scarlett said, "it was a poor tactical decision on the part of everyone who _wasn't_ in the front of the group."

"DANGER! DANGER! DANGER!" an electronic voice began to repeat. Jo and Scarlett quickly looked back at their devices, and the camera panned across the group to show them all looking around nervously. At the very end, Beth and Beardo shared a look.

The teens stood around nervously for a few more seconds before Topher spoke up. "Umm, so, are we gonna get out of here, or what?"

"Where would we even _go_?" Bridgette asked.

Beth was shown tapping her chin. "Oh! I know! Creepy stuff is always in the _basements_ of places, so let's go down!"

"Sounds good enough for me!" Beardo said before he, Beth, and B ran off in the direction they'd originally come from before turning and going down a ramp to a lower level.

The camera focused on Dawn, DJ, and Sammy as they clustered together, the shortest member of the trio looking around quickly before pointing to an upwards ramp behind them. "Ooh, perhaps the Mother Alien will have built its nest somewhere higher off the ground!"

"I guess it's worth a shot," DJ told her, and the three circled back to the ramp and ran off.

"Pfft, _losers_," Jo scoffed. "Obviously the eggs will be somewhere _warm_ and _steamy_, like a boiler room." She blinked, then quickly checked her GPS. "Pretty sure there was one around here _somewhere_..." She focused on her device for a moment before she heard a footstep behind her, looking around and spotting Scarlett carefully tiptoeing off.

"Wait a minute," Jo said, looking between the GPS and Scarlett, "you're heading to the boiler room in the east, aren't you?"

"...crap," Scarlett muttered before turning and running.

"You're not gonna win _that_ easily!" Jo yelled, chasing after her. Shawn and Sierra shrugged at each other, then followed as well.

"You should _totally_ go with 'em," Geoff told Bridgette, taking her by the hands. "I'll only slow you down if you keep stayin' with me!"

"I'm not gonna _abandon_ you to _Chef_!" Bridgette countered. "I'll make sure you get through this, don't worry about a thing!"

"Aww, thanks, babe!" the party boy replied, and he moved in to kiss his girlfriend.

A sudden thump interrupted the display of affection, however, by causing the surfer to turn her head in alarm. "What was that?" she exclaimed, oblivious to her boyfriend's annoyed look.

/

The scene cut to a pipe and some tubes and wires somewhere up higher. Steam was released in a burst from a vent on the side of the pipe, and the camera panned down to show Chef running across another walkway in his costume, a gray-and-orange paintball gun in his hands and a smirk on his face. He heard the sound of footsteps nearby and jumped to a lower level, landing with a metallic clang. He took off running to the left, heading briefly out of sight before reappearing in the foreground in front of a tube that cut diagonally across the scene.

/

The scene cut back to the five castmates who had remained on the original walkway – Bridgette, Geoff, Alejandro, Topher, and Lightning. None of them had made any signs of moving away, and their eyes were all darting around the room.

"Amigos," Alejandro finally said, "we really _should_ get moving. May I suggest that the five of us work _together_?" He looked around hopefully, but was met with three stony stares.

"I agree!" Topher said enthusiastically. "We need to-"

"Who asked _you_, dude?" Lightning interrupted. "And why should Lightning form a _team_?"

"Yeah," Bridgette added, "like we're just gonna work with _you_ after everything you did last season."

"Ah, you misunderstand!" Alejandro said quickly, holding his hands up defensively. "I merely meant that we should continue to _travel_ together for this challenge, with no commitments for the future! _Surely_ it would be easier to find the eggs that way?"

"...I hate to say it," Geoff spoke up, "but the dude's kinda got a _point_. Maybe the five of us _should_ keep goin' together."

"Well...," Bridgette said uncertainly, "I _guess_ that should be fine. Just don't expect us to _trust_ you."

"Believe me," the handsome boy said, "I won't! But still, I'm glad you're willing to at least stick around. And Lightning?" he added, looking at the fifth person present.

"Hey, long as none of you try to tell Lightning what to _do_," the overachiever said, "Lightning's _fine_ walkin' with y'all for now." As the camera focused on him, the formerly-quiet background music came to a sudden rising peak as Chef lowered himself down head-first behind the jock, smirking briefly before he suddenly fell to the ground with a thud.

"Whoa, sha-_what_?!" Lightning exclaimed, jumping slightly upon getting startled and quickly looking around.

xxx

"Working with the others will be difficult, especially so soon after the end of season one," Alejandro told the confessional camera. "But even if I can't make any long-term alliances, staying around the others _will_ have its advantages."

xxx

Bridgette, Geoff, Alejandro, and Topher were shown looking shocked at Chef's sudden appearance. The focus cut back to Lightning, his eyes going wide as the hulking Mama Alien rose up in front of him with a vicious grin on his face. The overachiever turned to flee just as Chef uttered "Say hello to _eternity_!" and fired the first shot.

The footage slowed down as the camera followed the lime-green paintball through the air. Lightning saw it over his shoulder, then looked ahead at a cringing Topher. Still in slow-motion, the uber-jock grabbed the pretty boy by the arm and spun back around, using the other young man as a shield. The footage sped back up just as Topher saw the paintball, and it hit him right in the face.

"Why is it always the _hair_?!" he cried as Lightning dropped him to the floor and turned back around. The other three also turned to flee as Chef grimaced at them, but with the two blondes in front and Geoff's broken ankle limiting his pace, neither the charmer nor the overachiever could get past.

"Aww man, it can't end like this!" Lightning cried, looking back over his shoulder as Chef took another shot and hit the uber-jock square on the back of his jersey. The force of the hit sent him tumbling to the ground just as the other three made it to an intersection.

xxx

"I _knew_ it was a bad idea to stick around those guys," Lightning griped in the make-up trailer. "Had Lightning just gone off on his own, he woulda _won_ that challenge! Man, how's he gonna get his own team like _this_?" He crossed his arms and pouted.

xxx

"Which way do we go?" Bridgette asked in a panic, still standing at an intersection with Geoff and Alejandro. The camera quick-panned over to Chef, who began to cackle menacingly as he slowly walked towards them.

"We should split up," Alejandro suggested quickly as the focus moved back to the contestants. "That way, he'll go after the _slowest_ one of us but allow the others to get away!"

"Are you suggesting we just let Geoff get _shot_?" the surfer replied angrily. "What happened to traveling _together_?"

"The situation has _changed_!" Alejandro told her. "We need to escaperight now, and we can _do_ that by sacrificing Geoff!"

"Or _you_," Bridgette countered, stomping down hard on the handsome boy's foot before quickly grabbing her bewildered boyfriend by the hand. "Come on, Geoff, let's get out of here quick."

"Uh, okay," the party boy said hesitantly as Alejandro jumped up and down holding his foot in pain. The camera lingered on him as the blonde couple left, and he just barely regained his composure in time to duck below a paintball shot.

"Are you _sure_ you want to be doing this?" the young man asked coldly as he rolled out of the way of another shot. "After all, you're in enough trouble with me as it is. Any more unnecessary _roughness_ will just help me make my case against you!"

Chef scowled at him, but it quickly morphed into a sneer. "Too bad for _you_ I get to shoot as much as I deem _necessary_!" At that he tossed his gun over his shoulder and jumped high into the air; when he landed, he was holding a much larger eight-barreled minigun-like weapon.

Alejandro's eyes bulged, but were quickly narrowed. "Don't think you've _beaten_ me just because you've gotten a little _upgrade_," he said before turning and running. The background music picked up its pace as Chef gave chase, shooting volley after volley of paintballs. To his credit Alejandro managed to dodge several, but he soon grew visibly overconfident and stopped watching the ground in front of him. He tripped over a wire not too long after that, and slammed face-first to the ground.

As he rolled onto his back, he saw Chef approaching him with a dark smile on his face. "Please don't shoot my face!" Alejandro said quickly, throwing his hands up in a panic.

The Mama Alien stopped, pursed his lips, and scowled. "Whatever, pretty boy," he grumbled, his smile briefly returning as he leveled his oversized gun at his fallen prey and fired eight rounds at once. They all hit Alejandro's torso, and the paint-splattered boy groaned in defeat.

/

The shot pulled out, transitioning to the control room as it did so. "Well _that_ wasn't as good as I hoped it would be," Chris sulked. "Still, nothing that _I_ can't fix," he added, throwing away his cravat and beret and putting on a camouflage-print cap. "I really should wear camo more often," her remarked as he checked his new look in a hand mirror.

/

"Okay, I think we should be safe," Bridgette said as she pulled her head back from looking around a corner to her right.

"Thanks for savin' me back there," Geoff told her. "But, I dunno, I kinda get the feelin' that I shouldn't be relyin' on you for _everything_ during challenges, y'know? Maybe I really _shoulda_ tried to go off on my own for a bit!"

Bridgette frowned and opened her mouth to reply, but a voice from behind them cut her off. "Too late for _that_, kiddies," Chef said darkly as the two turned their heads and gaped at him. He cocked his gun, and shot another multi-shot blast that knocked them both to the ground.

/

A blinking line of red dots was shown on a GPS screen again, the camera cutting to a different viewpoint to show it in the hands of Scarlett, who was running down a corridor with Jo, Shawn, and Sierra hot on her tail. Another cut took the view to a door, a klaxon sounding and lights on the left side turning from red to yellow to green as it opened towards the camera with a hiss.

The brainiac peeked inside, the other three joining suit a moment later, and the viewpoint switched to show a large boiler, fire visible throw a small window in front and steam bursting out vents on either side. A sickly green glow came from a pit just below, and the camera panned down to show a load of pale green eggs resting amongst the steamy haze. The four looking in from the doorway smiled.

/

A flash transitioned the scene to a close-up of a thick wire running just below a ceiling. A spider dangled down through the gap on a line of silk, then crawled to the right for about an inch before the camera finally panned down onto Dawn, Sammy, and DJ as they walked through the machine-lined corridors of the set.

"I hate to say it," DJ said as he checked his GPS, "but I think we might be lost."

"Yes, it _does_ seem that way," Dawn said sadly. "I'm quite sorry for leading us up here, especially since we haven't even found the alien nest."

"Well, y'know, it's not like you ever knew for _sure_ where the eggs were," Sammy said. "I mean, even _you_ can't see everything."

The mystic sighed. "Yes, I suppose that's true. Reading auras and sensing the gifts of the Earth Mother can only do so much in a movie set."

"Hey don't feel bad," DJ told her, "it's still way more than either of us can do. You should be _proud_ of what you can do, even if it ain't always that useful."

"Thank you," Dawn said with a faint blush, "but I-hmm?" She paused her statement when a spider landed on her shoulder. She narrowed her brow as it wiggled its front pair of legs at her, then gasped. "Oh no!"

"What happened?" DJ asked, cringing in fear.

"Is Chef coming?" Sammy added.

"Yes!" Dawn told them as the spider ascended back up its line of silk. "Quickly, you must hide before he sees you! I'll try to draw him away!"

"But-" the gentle giant tried to say, but his petite friend cut him off with a shale of her head.

"Please, just do this," she told them. "It's for the best, I can just _feel_ it."

"I-If you say so," Sammy said uncertainly.

"Quickly!" Dawn cried, pushing them back towards a three-way intersection, then turning around once they'd finally run around the corner themselves. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before turning around and running.

She headed straight for another three-way intersection, but Chef came sliding into view from the left path before she could reach it. Dawn hesitated before turning around, but she was unable to dodge the grinning man's barrage of paint product.

"Hmm," Chef mumbled as he walked up to the fallen girl, "now where the heck are those two _crybabies_ she's always with?"

/

The shot cut to the interior of a dark and box-filled room as DJ and Sammy ducked inside it, the door sliding down shut behind them with a noticeable whirring sound. The two hid behind a stack of boxes, trembling in silence as they heard heavy footsteps run by outside.

"I think he's gone," DJ whispered.

"Yeah," Sammy said. "Umm, this is _probably_ a bad time, but I promised myself I would tell you something the next time we were alone together, and I've really been trying to do the things I say I'll do lately, so-"

"I get it," DJ told her, "but make it quick and _quiet_. Chef might still be nearby."

"R-right," Sammy stammered. "So, the thing is," she paused to take a breath, "I'm bi and I like Dawn too!" she said quickly and at a volume just a bit above a whisper.

"W-what?" DJ said, abandoning his hushed tone in shock. "For how long? Uh, the likin' _Dawn_ thing, I mean."

"I...I'm not sure, I guess about as long as I've liked _you_, DJ," she told him. "I'm _really_ sorry for telling you this out of the blue, but I thought maybe knowing that I also like Dawn might help you make up your _own_ mind. Not, uh, not that you have to make up your mind right now or anything, I just-"

"Hold up," he interrupted, "I'll admit I woulda liked it if you'd told me this some _other_ time, but...you're really tellin' me that even when you wanted to talk to me about the two of us at the party a few days ago, you had feelin's for Dawn like me?"

"Y-yeah," Sammy said, rubbing her arm nervously. "But ever since I...umm..._overheard_ you in the woods that night, I figured it would be better to try and date the person I _know_ likes me back instead of trying to figure out how _Dawn_ feels."

"Huh," DJ said blankly. "Sorry, I just...I never thought of it like that. But somethin' in my _gut_ is tellin' me you're right."

"R-really?" Sammy said hopefully, blushing as she inched closer to her crush.

"Yeah, really," DJ replied, mirroring her movements. The pair slowly moved in to kiss...

And had their moment ruined by a splattering of lime green paint from the direction opposite the door they'd come from. The camera changed its angle to show another open doorway had been behind them, and that Chef was standing in it shaking his bulbously costumed head. "You two _really_ shoulda picked a better time."

/

The set groaned as Beth, B, and Beardo walked into what seemed to be a dead-end room, the only visible exit being the door on the left they had come in through. The room itself was empty save for the same sort of futuristic-looking machines that lined the walls.

"I wish my _boyfriend_ were here right now," Beth said idly as she looked at her GPS.

"Why?" Beardo asked her while looking at his own device. "He know how to read a GPS map?

Beth tapped her chin in thought, then shrugged. "Who knows? But at least we'd be _together_."

The hairy boy rolled his eyes. "B, you're smart," he told the third member of their group as he handed the device over, "you think _you_ can figure out where we are?" The silent genius shrugged but took the GPS and immediately began to press the side buttons and look around the room.

As soon as he turned back towards the door it slammed down shut, and the background music rose ominously. His eyes popped open, and the camera cut to a shot of his two companions looking in that direction as well.

"Uh oh," Beth said, "I think we _really_ shouldn't have come in here."

/

The shot cut to the end of a wall-mounted section of piping as Chef hooked a tube up to it. "We _gotta_ hire an effects crew," he told the camera before turning the valve and snickering as liquid began to surge through the tube, making it bulge ever-so-slightly.

/

A green slime started to spray from a pair of fire sprinklers, the shouts coming from below making it obvious that Beth, B, and Beardo had been the ones to get hit. Sure enough, as soon as the sprinklers shut off the camera panned down to show them three of them dripping with green slime.

"Uggh, _gross_," Beth said while her hairy friend made a 'sad trombone' sound effect.

"Man," Beardo added as he started to wring out his tremendous mane, "this is gonna take _forever_ to get out."

"I bet my _boyfriend_ would know how to get it out," Beth sighed. "I bet he knows _loads_ of stuff about hair."

xxx

"Y'know what," Beth told the confessional camera, "models are people _too_! They're not just pretty _faces_, they _know_ things and have _feelings_ about them just like the rest of us! They even have _dreams_! My dream is to marry _Brady_," she said with a smile. "My mom says that if I concentrate _really_ hard," she scrunched up her face and hands in mock concentration, "one day, all of my dreams will come _true_!"

xxx

/

The shot cut back to the mist-shrouded alien eggs, the camera panning up to show Sierra, Jo, Shawn, and Scarlett looking down from the edge of the pit they were in.

"So I guess this means we've almost _won_, right?" Sierra said. "I mean, all we have to do is get these back to home base."

"Essentially, yes," Scarlett replied. "Only _two_ of us will actually be able to win, but as all four of us are present and there doesn't appear to be a way to reach the eggs unassisted, we may as well continue to cooperate until either we near the finish line or Chef shows up."

Shawn looked at his GPS, which still only showed a line of blinking red dots on the map. "Well, we'd better make it _quick_."

"Lower me down, Blogger Girl," Jo told Sierra, "and Zombie Boy can do the same for Red."

Sierra and Shawn shrugged at each other, but the footage flashed forward to show that they had complied. The background music picked up its pace as the camera focused on Jo dangling upside-down over the eggs; she picked one up but it immediately burst into green goo. "Dang it! What are these _made_ of, tissue paper?"

"Unlikely," Scarlett said as the shot panned to the right to show her in a similar position. "But nevertheless, it seems we _must_ be careful in handling these."

The footage skipped forward again, panning across from right to left to show an egg in the hands of all four castmates. The door they'd entered the boiler room from was shown again, klaxons sounding as the panel of lights changed from red to yellow to green and the door finally swung back open.

Mama Alien Chef stuck his head inside and smirked, the camera cutting back to a startled Sierra and Jo as the former was quickly shot with a single paintball. The blow knocked her over and the egg out of her hands; it burst on impact with the metal floor. Jo, Shawn, and Scarlett immediately took off running in the opposite direction as Chef charged at them screaming, leaving their former companion to watch their departure with a pleading look that turned into an annoyed frown as soon as the other door slammed shut behind Chef.

/

The point-of-view immediately cut to a door on the outside just as the three remaining castmates burst out of it and ran out onto a Wild West-themed set.

"Attention, civilians!" came a familiar voice through a megaphone above them. The background music tapered off as they skidded to a halt and looked up, the camera following their gaze to reveal Chris hovering above them in a red helicopter. "The military is here to _protect_ you now. Unfortunately," the host told them as Chef was shown coming up from behind with a grin on his face and the larger gun in his hands, "we can't let you leave with any _alien eggs_."

"But you _told _us to retrieve these eggs!" Scarlett shouted up at him. "It was the stated goal of the _challenge_!"

"Right," Chris replied happily, "I did!" He laughed and the camera zoomed in on the bottom of the helicopter, showing a pair of bombs strapped to the underside which were promptly dropped.

"HIT THE DECK!" Jo shouted as the bombs whistled downward, jumping to left with Chef as Shawn and Scarlett ducked off to the right.

The two bombs landed right where the four had been standing and exploded into a wave of green slime that reached up so far that Chris had to back to helicopter away and close its door. Even still the entire front of the vehicle got splashed, and he was laughing when he rolled the window down. "Woo! Glad _I_ don't have to clean it up!"

Down below, the camera focused on Jo lying on her hands and knees in the middle of the slime-splattered area. She stood back up with a squelching noise, and the other two castmates were shown sticking their heads up from behind a pair of well-placed barrels, completely clean but without their eggs.

"Darn it!" Jo griped as the three regrouped. "I can't believe I _lost_ like that!"

Scarlett smirked at her. "Well, it appears that your knowledge and skills simply weren't sufficient," she said. "Perhaps you should _reflect_ on your failure and realize that you never truly had a chance to begin with!"

"Oh _please_," Jo scoffed, "the only reason you and Shawn didn't get _slimed_ is because you got lucky! So don't go thinking this is some big _failure_ on _my_ part."

Scarlett rolled her eyes.

xxx

"That girl is _really_ starting to get on my nerves," Jo told the confessional camera. "I mean seriously, who does she think she is? Has she forgotten that _I_ made it to the Final Four last season and _she_ only got sixth? Because I haven't! And even though she might have gotten lucky _this_ time, sooner or later she's gonna have to admit that I'm _better_ than her."

xxx

"Uhh, I hate to burst our bubbles," Shawn spoke up, "but I don't think _we_ can win either if we don't have those _eggs_."

Scarlett blinked and looked down at her empty hands. "_No_! Where did it-" she looked around frantically, as did the bald boy next to her, but abruptly stopped after only a moment. "Correction," she told him with a smirk, "_you_ don't have an egg." The camera panned to the left to show a slime-covered egg perched on top of a broken wooden plank, which in turn was balanced over the fallen form of Mama Alien Chef Hatchet. The shot cut back to the three teens as Jo and Shawn noticed it as well. Scarlett acted first, however, shoving the survivalist into the slime and running towards the only way to victory in sight.

xxx

"Yeah," Shawn said bluntly in the make-up trailer, "_kinda_ remembering why I don't like her. Although to be fair, she _does_ have a pretty good survival instinct."

xxx

Tense background music picked up as Shawn scrambled to pursue Scarlett, slipping a little on the slime but quickly getting into a good pace regardless. The brainiac reached Chef first, but due to the slime on the ground she ended up sliding past him. She managed to turn around quickly, though, and went in for a second pass at the egg.

The costumed man stirred awake with a groan. He shook his head and looked to his right, seeing Scarlett running at him. His eyes widened and he looked to his left to see Shawn headed his way with arms outstretched. He ducked down and put his hand over his head in preparation for the impact...

...which came just in front of his face as Scarlett and Shawn, more focused on the egg than anything else, slammed into each other and fell backwards. The background music immediately faded into something softer and sadder as the force of their impact caused the egg to wobble and fall, striking Chef on the head and dazing the older man as he tried to stand back up.

"You three gave it a _valiant_ effort," Chris announced as he parachuted down into the scene just as Jo rejoined them as well. The host landed, his chute detached and blew away, and he continued. "But, you're still _losers_!" He pointed at them and laughed while his assistant finally crawled out from the wreckage between Scarlett and Shawn.

"_Actually_," the bald boy said as a grin formed on his face, "maybe not." A mischievous sort of tune began in the background as two more slime-covered alien eggs were shown to have been resting on the ground behind where Chef had been laying. "Looks like we might still be able to finish this thing after all!"

He quickly grabbed one of the eggs before the sulking Mama Alien could react and ran off. Scarlett did the same shortly after, narrowly dodging an attempted grab from Chef once she'd regained her egg.

"I'll get you next time! Oooohh!" a frustrated Chef said as they ran off, shaking his fist menacingly.

"Can't you do _anything_ right?" Chris asked him in an annoyed tone.

"Where's my money?!" Chef immediately – and angrily – responded. "Hmm? Give! Me! My! _Money_!" he thrust a rubber-covered finger at the smaller man, who quickly ran away in fear.

/

The scene cut over to the cast trailers, where the thirteen castmates who had been eliminated from the challenge waited around a few benches, still bearing the paint and slime they'd accrued. Shawn and Scarlett reappeared moments later, breathing heavily but with their alien eggs intact.

"We have our two winners!" Chris announced, walking in with Jo shortly after. "Our _only_ two winners. The rest of you _really stink_," he said as the camera panned across the losers – Bridgette and Geoff holding hands on a bench; Dawn giving the splattered faces of DJ and Sammy an odd look; Beth, B, and Beardo sitting on the second bench; and Sierra, Alejandro, Lightning, and Topher all looking mildly annoyed behind them.

"As our winners," the host continued as the camera cut back to him and the two egg-holders, "Shawn and Scarlett will _now_ be able to pick their teams, which means they'll be competing _against_ each other."

"As expected," the brainaic responded with a small smile.

"Yup, no surprise there," Shawn added.

"Uh, y-yeah," Chris said, looking around nervously, "_totally_ not meant to be a surprise twist or anything. But," he quickly regained his composure and grin, "_first_ we gotta vote off _two_ cast members in the most thrilling Gilded Chris Ceremony yet!" At the end of his announcement the thirteen losers uttered a collective gasp.

"Yes, you _heard_ me," Chris told them. "I said _two_!" A few dramatic notes accompanied his words as he held up a pair of fingers. "I'm likin' the _twos_ today. Must be _Tuesday_!" He made the quip happily, but the castmates just rolled their eyes awkwardly as the sound of crickets chirping filled the void. "_Yeah_," he shrugged, "I don't get paid to write this show."

/

The scene faded into a shot of the film lot's amphitheater at night, a quartet of searchlights moving back and forth across the sky. A deep orchestral tune reminiscent of those used for actual televised award ceremonies began to play as two strips of scenes featuring Chris McLean came onto the screen from either side, a third coming down from above over a pale yellow star-burst pattern as the first two ended, and two larger scenes of the host emerging from either side of that. The screen faded into gold and the camera pulled back, showing one of the shining golden statues of the man himself, flanked by searchlights and surrounded by fireworks.

The award show tune reached its conclusion as the footage cut back to Chris walking on-stage, the cast members watching from bleachers on the right. The camera zoomed in on the central podium and the host, who had put on a dashing blue tuxedo with a red bow tie.

"It's time to cast your votes," he said into the microphone. "Under your seats you'll find your voting devices," he explained as the camera panned across the seated contestants – Scarlett isolated on the front row with Bridgette, Geoff, Shawn, and Sierra further on; Beth and Beardo at the far right end of the row above; B on the row above and to the left, with Alejandro and Topher even further to the left; Lightning sitting in the center of the fourth row; Dawn, DJ, and Sammy together on the right end of the top row with Jo on the opposite end to them.

The castmates looked under their seats, and a close-up of a voting device in DJ's hand was shown – it was a dark gray thing small enough to be held in one hand, with a flashing red light on top and a touch screen that dominated its front. Scrolling up across the screen was a picture of each cast mate in sequence, with an empty box next to them. "Just press the button of the person you want voted off," Chris explained. "Oh," he added over a shot of Sierra leaning over to try and look at Shawn's device, "and no _peaking_," Shawn frowned at the girl and she looked away, whistling nonchalantly, "or it's nanana, nana nanana, hey hey-eeyy, good bye!" He pumped his fists into the air as he sang, and finished with a laugh.

"The votes have been cast," he announced as a few deep and dramatic beats began to play, and a close-up of someone with dark skin walking across the stage in black heels and a sparkly translucent dress was shown. A few of the cast mates giggled and the camera pulled back to reveal that it was a rather grumpy-looking Chef in the same dress and jewelry he'd worn for a few challenges during the previous season; he was holding a number of golden Chris McLean statues in his arms.

"If you get a Gilded Chris," the host continued over the snorts and laughs of the audience, "it means you're safe. For _now_." Chef glared at the castmates while Chris continued. "And the Gilded Chris's go to...Shawn! Scarlett!" The angry assistant tossed one of the awards into the audience for each name read off, and the two challenge winners were shown making their catches easily.

"Samey, Lightning, and Topher," each was shown catching their prize.

"Great _tux_, Chris," Topher called, "you really look like you deserve to be up there!"

"Thanks!" the host said cheerfully before continuing. "Beardo, Beth, and B are also safe," he called out, and the three cheered in their seats before catching their awards.

"So are Dawn and DJ!" Chris added. The mystic and gentle giant were shown catching their awards with a "Yay!" and an "Alright!" respectively, and they shared a group hug with Sammy. They quickly broke it, though, with blushes on all three faces – but DJ and Sammy were the last to fully break, and they ended up exchanging a shy smile before the camera cut back to Chris.

"Next is Jo," the host announced as the sound of a catch and an excited "Yes!" came from off-screen. "Surprisingly Alejandro," another catch was heard, "and last but not least..."

The camera cut to Bridgette, Geoff, and Sierra looking worried, with Shawn between them looking down nervously as the tension built in the background music. Sierra's face was shown in a close-up, followed by Bridgette who looked up at her boyfriend, and Geoff who looked right back at his girl. There hands were shown resting together on the bench, and the injured party boy smiled.

"..._Sierra_!" the host finally announced, and the tall girl jumped into the air with glee.

"Ohmygosh _yay_!" she said, clapping her hands together before looking at the shocked looks of the two whose names hadn't been called and laughing nervously. "Oops..."

"B-but," Bridgette stammered, looking around at the others, "I thought everyone _liked_ us?"

"Perhaps," Alejandro leaned over to tell her, "but _you_ nearly won last season and your _boyfriend_ has a broken ankle."

xxx

"It's _obvious_ who should go this week," Alejandro said in the confessional. "And it's almost _poetic_ that they should be a couple."

xxx

"Like anyone would want them on their team _anyway_," Jo told the make-up trailer camera.

xxx

"Sorry, friends," Dawn confessed, "but I can see in _both_ of your auras that this is what you need the most."

xxx

"Any final words?" Chris asked them.

Bridgette and Geoff looked at each other before the party boy finally spoke up. "Anybody wanna sign my cast?" He held up a pen and smiled expectantly at the others.

"Why not," Shawn told them with a small shrug

"Okay!" Beth said.

"Sure thing, brother!" DJ added.

Chris and Chef looked at each other and shrugged.

/

The footage skipped ahead to show Bridgette and Geoff walking down the red carpet hand in hand, the cast on Geoff's left foot much less white than it had been when he'd first arrived on the film lot the day before. They reached the dilapidated limousine at the end, Chef Hatchet already holding the door open for them. Geoff tossed his crutch inside before sliding in himself, and once he had gotten in safely Bridgette joined him. Chef slammed the door shut, and the limousine sped off.

"Who will Shawn and Scarlett _pick_ for their _teams_?" Chris asked at the podium, the classic reverent tune that had been used to begin and end each episode of the season starting up. "Will Jo _ever_ live up to her own hype?"

"_Hey_!" the jock-ette exclaimed off-screen.

Chris continued as thought the interruption hadn't happened, although his expression quickly changed to a scowl. "Will Sierra _please_ stop looking at her award like that?" The uber-fan was heard giggling off-screen, and the host rolled his eyes before resuming his smile and his speech. "Tune in next time for another _exciting_ episode of, Total! Drama! Action!" The camera zoomed out with each word of the show's title, revealing Chef standing just off to the side. His eyes went wide upon noticing he was in the shot, and he quickly backed off-screen.

(Fade to Credits)

/

/

/

**[Bonus Clip]**

The scene faded in to Geoff and Bridgette sitting in the back of a limousine, the party boy with his injured foot up on the seat between them.

"Man," he said, "who knew getting kicked off first would _bite_ this much. I mean, I totally figured I wasn't gonna make it very _far_, but _still_..."

"I know!" Bridgette said before sighing. "Having a million bucks _really_ would've been nice."

"True that," Geoff nodded. "Although, now that I _think_ about it maybe getting kicked off wasn't that bad! I mean, at least we don't have to through another _uber-harsh_ competition."

"I guess," Bridgette admitted. "I mean, it _was_ pretty stressful making it to the finale last time. Plus, now we can _finally_ spend some time together."

"Heck yeah, baby!" the party boy grinned. "Oh, and I _totally_ got everyone to sign my cast. I kinda hope we can meet up with the dudes who _didn't_ get to compete this season so they can sign it too!"

"Haha, yeah, that _would_ be pretty cool," Bridgette chuckled before leaning over to kiss her boyfriend. As they began to make out, the camera panned down to the cast and zoomed in, showing several legible signatures on its surface – a cute 'Beth', flowery 'Dawn', stylized 'Topher' and 'Alejandro', ridiculously ornate 'B', plain and simple 'DJ', neat and orderly 'Scarlett', even a small and thick-lined 'Chef Hatchet' and an oversized 'Chris McLean'.

* * *

**Author's Note - Post Script**

Wow, lots of stuff to talk about...I'll begin with what's the freshest on people's minds: Bridgette and Geoff.

I can guess that a bunch of you are shocked that I had them eliminated here as in canon. My goal with them, and with this elimination, was to make it actually make sense. In canon, they resorted to flanderizing Bridgette and Geoff into making out all the time, which obviously wasn't taken very well by the fanbase. I decided early on that I wanted to prove those two could be eliminated in a way that actually works, and with Geoff's broken ankle and Bridgette both being a former finalist and spending a lot of her energy worrying over her boyfriend, I think I made their elimination work. Geoff also managed to get everyone to sign his cast - and I do mean everyone, the rest of their signatures were on the other side of the cast - and I hope you all like that scene as much as I do.

For Beth and Brady, I wanted him to be introduced at a point that actually made sense, rather than several episode in after she'd already been spending most of her time drooling over someone else. And since she's never met Justin, it gives me another reason to have her bring up Brady sooner since she's much more smitten with him.

The almost-kiss between DJ and Sammy was admittedly rushed, at least from my perspective. Looking back, I should have had it (or something similar) back during the special, but at that point I wasn't certain exactly how I wanted to develop the relationship between DJ, Sammy, and Dawn in Action. And, well...I wanted to have some kind of development before the teams are picked.

Speaking of which, Shawn and Scarlett will be the ones picking teams! Hopefully their challenge win makes as much sense to all of you as it does to me. I look forward to hearing your predictions for the Grips and Gaffers!

Until next week,

\- Fangren

* * *

**Appendix: TSA Eliminated Contestants**

Geoff - (Tied for 14th Place)

Bridgette - (Tied for 14th Place)


	3. Chapter 3 - Riot On Set

**Author's Note**

It's been an...unusual week for me, dear readers! On top of the usual coldness outside and plotting out future events, I've also had to deal with somebody plagiarizing my work. More happily(?), though, the anniversary of Twitch Plays Pokemon has begun, and has proven to be nearly as distracting as the original was. I've managed to get this chapter out on time, though, so I don't expect any future delays.

Also, I'm super glad that my elimination last episode was so well-received! In that vein, time to answer the reviews!

**FOWLKON:** Thanks! I'm glad that scene with DJ and Sammy was liked as well.

**PizzaTheBomb:** Thank you, although they didn't quite kiss - Chef shot them just as they were about to. Sorry for the misunderstanding.

**Ddynamo:** Haha, yeah, deciding on the elimination order has been pretty difficult, especially for the early ones. I just don't want to get rid of them this soon!

**I. M. Poik:** Don't worry about the drama, I've got plenty in store.

**Cole D. soul:** I'm glad you feel that way!

**acosta perez jose ramiro:** True, true, and I'll keep this in mind!

**ultrablud2:** Interesting team predictions. And yeah, I'll definitely be focusing on more than just two characters when I finally get to All-Stars.

**Knifez:** Thanks, although Sammy's been out as bisexual since the horror challenge last season, so either you missed it or I missed something with your review. Your team predictions are also interesting, but I think you forgot to take into account the 'boy-girl-boy-girl' pattern used in canon.

**Madison Wooten:** Yeah, all of that is kind of what I was thinking when planning these first few chapters out.

**JinxQueen:** Yup, that was the idea!

**Guest:** I'm happy you liked what happened with the cast! And yeah, I see what you mean about what Beardo said about Beth. Also, interesting team predictions.

**Star Saber21:** Thanks for the review, your thoughts, and your team prediction!

**spader13:** Yeah, I'll admit that I never really even thought that much about that particular interaction when I was planning these first few chapters, so sorry for the disappointment on that front. And yeah, the love triangle is somebody I'm gonna make more of a conscious effort to have interact with the others - they've already interacted with each other, so it's time to expand a bit. Other than that, thanks for all the thoughts and predictions you've given!

With that taken care of, here's the weekly reminder of who's still left in the game:

Girls \- Beth, Dawn, Jo, Sammy, Scarlett, Sierra

Boys \- Alejandro, B, Beardo, DJ, Lightning, Shawn, Topher

And here it is, this week's episode! Also the intro sequence, so enjoy!

\- Fangren

* * *

**Episode 3 – Riot On Set**

"Last time, on Total Drama Action!" The recap began immediately, cutting from a brief shot of the giant hill set to a door slamming shut in the spaceship interior set used for last challenge. That in turn was followed by a cut to a pair of bombs being dropped onto the western set, the green slime splashing Chris' helicopter before he rolled the window down and laughed.

"Fifteen teenagers," the trio of Beth, Beardo, and B were shown splitting off from the rest of the castmates by going down a level. "One _spooky_ film lot," the boiler room door opened inside, and the heads of Scarlett, Shawn, Jo, and Sierra peered inside. "And a whole bunch of alien eggs," a shot of the mist-shrouded egg pit was shown, the camera panning up to show the four who had entered the boiler room talking amongst themselves.

"In a _world_ where an army chef wore an _alien_ costume," a door slammed shut behind Beth, B, and Beardo; then the team of Bridgette, Geoff, Alejandro, and Topher looked shocked at something out-of-view; and Chef's first appearance in the set as he jumped to a lower floor and ran off, "only the _strong_ could _survive_." Dawn was shown frantically pushing her two friends towards an intersection before running off, and DJ and Sammy were shown getting shot just as they were about to kiss.

"Finally, only _two_ were left to share a _heroic_ victory," Shawn was shown spotting the last two eggs, then he and Scarlett were shown taking them before a sulking Chef could stop them. "Now, they will be pitted against one another, by _destiny_." The two winners were shown arriving back at the cast trailers, the host was shown talking with a sly look on his face, and the losers were shown gasping.

"And so it was," Bridgette and Geoff were shown gaping in horror as they spotted Chef grinning darkly at them, "that a pair of _lovers_ were the subject of a vote-off for the ages." The surfer looked around in shock and disappointment before the party-lover smiled at her and held up a pen. "But _not_ before getting everyone to sign a cast – both their enemies," Alejandro's voting confessional was replayed, "and _myself_ included," the close-up shot of the cast from inside the limousine was shown, with a focus on the host's giant autograph. "You're _welcome_!"

"This week," the recap finished up with the clip up Alejandro throwing his hands in front of his face before Chef finally took him out of the game, "we're gonna _bring_ the _pain_! Haha! Well, if I have anything to say about it." The footage finally cut to Chris, standing between the numbered studios. "And I do, by the way!" he told the camera, pointing a thumb at himself. "So brace yourselves, for some deliciously painful Total! Drama! _Action_!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

[Lights swing up in front of various fake buildings and turn on; a camera pops out of an open manhole with a rat on top of it; another camera bursts out of a tree hollow, sending various pieces of garbage and a startled raccoon flying. A film slate is clapped in front of the camera, and the camera does a fly-over of the film lot; Chris drives the tram cab into its path, grinning and waving a hand to his other side as the camera passes through the cab and the lyrics start.]

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

[The camera passes through the browning leaves of a birch tree and along the road between the numbered studios, dodging a pair of backdrops that are rolled into its path – a farm and an ocean sunset – before heading through a clothing rack, disturbing the costumes hanging on it.]

_You guys are on my mind!_

[The camera flies up the artificial pine-covered hill, the sun flaring as it reaches the peak and looks over to see a pool of water far below, then jumps in.]

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

[A cloud of bubbles disperse from around the camera, revealing Jo in her one-piece bathing suit floating underwater. A short pan to the right show a giant shark approaching her with its mouth open; she notices it, then purses her lips and punches it hard on the nose. The shark rubs its new bruise in pain, and the camera moves up and out of the water.]

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

[Sammy is shown on top of a red-and-orange surfboard hooked up to a rigging on the side of the pool.; behind her is a backdrop of a cloudy sky. Seagulls are shooting past her likes bullets, causing her to frantically duck down and put her hands over her head. It isn't enough, however, as one of the gulls finally knocks her backwards into the pool.]

_I wanna be...famous!_

[The camera quick-pans to the left, showing Lightning manning some sort of seagull gatling gun with a grin on his face. Amy is shown doubled over with laughter next to him; the two pause to look at each other, then begin to make-out as Lightning's inadvertent trigger finger fires the remainder of the avian ammunition. They break their kiss, and the camera flies off between them. It pauses just before a large door as the Sasquatchanakwa runs across the path in a pink dress, a feather boa, and a boater. The door opens, and the camera passes into the light.]

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

[The bright light fades into a shot of the beach set, where Dawn sits on the sand meditating in lotus position. She is joined on either side by a shark, also meditating, and as the camera zooms in on her she smiles slightly.]

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

[The camera quick-pans to the right, ending on Alejandro in the make-up confessional. As he examines his gold tooth in a hand mirror, a hand from someone off-screen applies a bit of make-up to his cheek. He turns his head slightly just as another hand appears from the other side and sprays a puff of hair spray, which gets in his eyes. He winces, dropping the mirror onto the counter and bringing his hands to his face.]

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

[Another quick-pan to the right puts the focus on Sierra and Topher, standing on top of what appear to be pillars of rock in front of a dark and craggy backdrop. The each hold a jousting stick, blue cushions on the end of Sierra's and orange cushions on the end of Topher's. They exchange a few blows, and Topher manages to knock his rival off her feet; she manages to cling to the edge of her platform, but flails her legs and causes one of her shoes to drop. The camera quickly pans down to show the shoe landing in a large metal pot of some sickly green liquid; Chef picks the pot up by its handles and takes whiff of its odor.]

_'Cause I wanna be...famous!_

[Chef looks at the shoe in his pot and shrugs, then turns around, scowls, and places it on a table in the middle of his kitchen. DJ, stirring a pot of rotten potatoes on a stove on the other side of the room, cranes his head to take a look. He grabs a small bottle from his workspace and sprinkles it into the pot the shoe had landed into, then takes a taste with a ladle and smiles. The camera pulls out to show Scarlett watching the scene on a monitor in another room. The scene on the monitors changes to a shot of a studio; her glasses gleam as she begins to type swiftly on the keyboard in front of her. An explosion happens on the monitor, and she smirks devilishly.]

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[The camera cuts to the explosion as it fades away, revealing Shawn walking across the screen with a nervous expression on his face. He walks up to B, who appears to be tinkering with the engine of a motor scooter; more explosions start occurring nearby, shocking the two boys. In a panic B jumps on his scooter, Shawn jumps on his back, and the two zoom off to the right, passing the Lame-o-sine on the way.]

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[The camera zooms in on the limousine's window, which rolls down to show a smiling and braces-less Beth. Beardo leans forward from the seat next to her and shoots a finger pistol at the camera, then opens the door with a flourish as the camera flies through. A series of flashes go off, and the camera passes through the hands of journalists, paparazzi, and fans as it flies towards Chris waiting on the amphitheater stage. The host grins and opens an envelopes with his thumbs, then looks over with a frown at the dress-wearing Chef Hatchet, holding a tray of Gilded Chris's and scowling. The host purses his lips and shoots a look at the camera, and the shot changes to the view from another television screen. The camera pans down and to the left to show Geoff sitting on a couch with Bridgette on his lap, about to kiss before they notice the camera on them.

The camera zooms out as the last few whistling notes of the song play, showing that the blonde lovers are sitting on a set of tiered couches on the left side of what looked like the set of a talk show, and that all twenty-two of the original Total Drama contestants are present and looking at the camera – Dawn, Sammy, and DJ next to them; Jo, Sierra, Lightning, Amy, and Shawn on the row above; Topher, Beth, Beardo, and B on the second row of the tiered couches on the opposite side of the stage; Scarlett, Staci, Ezekiel, Sugar, Scott, and Alejandro on the row below them. And on a couch in the very middle, directly below the large monitor that still showed Chris and Chef, sat Sam and Dakota. The camera zoomed out, and the central television screen flickered before the 'Total Drama Action' logo appeared over static.]

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

The episode opened up with a shot of the cast trailers at night, the moon visible just at the edge of the screen. The camera zoomed in on the guys' trailer and cut inside, showing Lightning sleeping peacefully on a top bunk. It panned over DJ on the top bunk next to him, then over to Alejandro and Topher on the other side of the trailer, and further still to Beardo and B. A flash took the camera briefly to Shawn, still dressed in his usual clothes, sleeping in a tree with one of his legs tied to the branch.

Another quick flash showed the four sets of bunks inside of the girls' trailer. Beth now had a set to herself in the front-left, with Scarlett still on top of the bunks further back; on the opposite wall were Jo and Sierra, then Dawn and Sammy. The camera focused on Sierra as she hugged her pillow and giggled, then panned over to the cheerleader lying under her covers with a smile on her face.

The sudden sounding of an airhorn caused her to bolt awake with a shriek. The shaking camera cut to the instrument in question as its owner shut off the horn and winked.

"ALL CREW ON SET!" Chris McLean yelled through the combination megaphone-airhorn. "CALL TIME _IS_, 4 A.M.!" He kissed the device and smiled. "I _love_ this thing!"

xxx

"At first," Beth told the confessional camera in a slightly whiny tone, "I thought he was talking to the _crew_ crew, not us. I was _really_ hoping they'd replaced 'Chris the Creep' with a nicer host this time around! Is that mean?" she cowered suddenly. "Sorry!"

xxx

The door to the girls' trailer opened and Sammy walked out in a slump, dark circles under her eyes. Dawn followed in a similar state, then came Beth and Scarlett.

"And there go my hopes of maintaining a consistent _sleep schedule_..." the brainiac muttered as she stepped out into the darkness, Jo and Sierra following after. All six girls had changed into their usual clothes.

The camera panned to the right, showing Lightning, B, DJ, and Beardo trudging away from the guys cabin before zooming in on the doorway. "Not to question your greatness, Chris," Topher said as he stepped outside, "but we can hardly look good on-camera if we don't get our beauty sleep!" Alejandro came up behind him, placing a hand on the other boy's shoulder and shaking his head. Shawn walked by in front of them, and the two handsome young men went to join the rest of the group.

/

The footage skipped ahead several hours so that the sun was already well risen, and a small pink bird flitted and chirped across the sky. The shot panned down to the cast trailers, the thirteen castmates already assembled and divided by gender.

"You're on a film set now," Chris said as he walked past them, "and you're gonna learn that showbiz is not all red carpets and pool parties," he told them, getting up close to B's face, who shared a look with Shawn as the host whipped back around. "Today you're gonna get schooled on how tough on-set production life can be!"

He walked past Jo and Sierra, and the jock-ette rolled her eyes. "Oh please, I bet my morning _workout_ is tougher than working on a film set. Heck, I've worked the morning rush at a drive-thru _coffee shop_, and there's no way _anything_ is worse than that. Everyone _thinks_ their order is clear, but let me tell ya, at 6 a.m. it sure as heck ain't! And then they have the nerve to blame _me_ when their cappuccino doesn't have enough _foam_!"

"Well," Chris said, "speaking of taking orders from people you don't like, it's time for Scarlett and Shawn to pick their teams, and then try to stick it to each other!"

The camera panned over to Scarlett and Shawn, who had been standing near the middle of the group. While the brainiac had a confident smirk on her face, the bald survivalist was looking far less certain about his situation.

"Just so you know," Scarlett told him, "I've already determined my selection criteria, and ranked the others accordingly. Don't expect to give me any difficult decisions."

"R-right...," Shawn replied, gulping nervously as she walked away.

/

The footage flashed forward to show the thirteen castmates in two facing lines near the trailers – Shawn, Sammy, Dawn, Jo, Sierra, and Beth on one side; Scarlett, DJ, Topher, Alejandro, Lightning, B, and Beardo on the other.

"Okay," Chris said between them, "let's get this bloodbath started! We're gonna choose schoolyard style: girl, boy, girl, boy," as he alternated between the two he pointed at the respective groups. "I'd normally go with ladies first, but since we have an extra dude, first pick goes to Shawn!"

The camera panned left at the host's gesture, and the zombie theorist scratched the back of his head. "Uhh, Jo, I guess?"

"Yes!" the jock-ette said, pumping her fist. "_Knew_ I'd get picked first!"

xxx

"Okay, I kinda hate to say this," Shawn began to say in the confessional, his hand covering his eyes for a moment before he lowered it and gave the camera a distressed look, "but team building _really_ isn't one of my best skills. I mean, if it were just for one challenge it wouldn't be a problem, but picking a group who works well together long-term? This is gonna be _tricky_."

xxx

Jo was shown walking over to stand by Shawn, and the focus switched to Scarlett. "Just to clarify," she said, turning her head towards the host, "picking the team means I'll automatically be given leadership of it, correct?"

"Uh, yeah, sure," Chris said, raising an eyebrow at the young woman.

"Excellent," Scarlett said, folding her arms behind her back and turning her gaze over to the guys. "In that case, I choose Lightning."

"Sha-_booyah_!" the overachiever cheered, kissing his biceps and jogging the short distance over to his new team leader, who smirked at Shawn.

xxx

"Taking into consideration his physical aptitudes in conjunction with his transparent motivations, Lightning is the _obvious_ first pick," Scarlett explained confidently.

xxx

"Okay...," Shawn said slowly. "Guess I'll go with the strong guy who gets along with everyone. DJ!" he pointed at the gentle giant, who walked over with a smile.

"Lookin' forward to workin' with you, brother!" DJ said, exchanging a high-five with the survivalist.

The focus moved back to Scarlett, but her eyes were on Lightning instead of the girls she'd have to choose from. "Just so we're clear," she whispered, "as _I'm_ the leader of our team, you'll defer to my orders during challenges, correct."

Lightning frowned, and rubbed his chin in thought. "Well, since Chris said you get to be in charge, I guess I got no choice. But _only_ for challenges, Lightning's vote is his _own_."

"Understood," Scarlett said simply. "Oh, and I choose Beth." At the decision, the short girl jumped up and clapped her hands giddily, then hurried over to her new team.

Shawn shrugged and said "Dawn." The mystic smiled and walked over to stand next to a smiling DJ.

Scarlett closed her eyes and took a breath. "Alejandro," she announced, and all four of the boys she'd had to choose from looked surprised.

xxx

"I'll admit," the redhead said cautiously in the confessional, "choosing Alejandro for my team confers a number of..._risks_. However, I would prefer having some form of control over his elimination rather than allow him to work unhindered on the other team. That he'll be an asset in challenges is just a bonus."

xxx

"I must say, I'm quite surprised!" Alejandro said as he walked over to his new team. "I thought-"

"Save it," Scarlett interrupted. "I'd rather not discuss my reasons right now." The charmer shrugged, and the camera panned back to Shawn.

"Hmmm...," he said, rubbing his chin and narrowing his eyes. "Might as well go with super-smart B." The silent genius nodded and strode over confidently.

The next pick from Scarlett was announced simply: "Sammy." The girl in question gasped, however, as did DJ and Dawn on the now-opposite team.

"B-but...," Sammy stammered before a stern look from Scarlett caused her to sigh and slowly walk across the area. She shot one last sad look at her two long-time friends and crushes before taking her place with Scarlett, Lightning, Beth, and Alejandro.

"Guess that leaves Sierra for me," Shawn said after glancing awkwardly at his two teammates.

The tall girl shrugged and jogged over to join the group. "Don't worry," she said to Dawn and DJ, "at least you can still see each other _outside_ of challenges, right? I mean, it's not like being forced to compete against her is gonna destroy your _friendship_ or anything!"

Dawn and DJ looked at each other, then smiled at her. "Oh yes," Dawn said, "you're quite right. We won't allow this game to come between us."

"Yup!" DJ added with a nod. "We're better than that, right Sammy?" he said, shooting a smile across to the cheerleader. Sammy blushed, then smiled and nodded.

The camera cut to the remaining pair of boys, focusing on Topher as he rolled his eyes. "Can we just get this over with," he said to Scarlett. "I mean, it's _obvious_ who you're gonna pick. I mean, all that's left is _me_," he flashed a grin and shot a wink at the camera, "and _him_." He motioned to Beardo, who had closed his eyes and brought a hand up to his left ear as he idly pretended to work a turntable.

"Oh yes," Scarlett answered with a smirk, "the choice is obvious, just like you said." Topher nodded his head smugly as the brainiac said "I choose _Beardo_."

"Wait, what?!" Topher said, his jaw dropping and eyes bulging as the hairy young man opened his eyes and calmly walked over to his new team with a smile on his face, happily bumping fists with an ecstatic Beth. "Why would you choose _him_?"

"Because I already know that he works well with another member of my team," Scarlett explained bluntly. "And since you and Sierra make no secret of the _animosity_ between you, it was only _natural_ to force the two of you onto the opposing team together."

"Sorry dude," Shawn said, "but she's got a point. And as much as I don't like it either, I have no choice but to pick you."

Topher immediately shot a pleading look at Chris. "Sorry Toph, but them's the breaks!" the host said jovially. The pretty boy drooped, and he plodded over to the team he had been forced on to, pausing only to exchange a glare with Sierra.

"Scarlett," Chris announced moments later in front of the redhead, Lightning, Beth, Alejandro, Sammy, and Beardo, "I christen your team the Screaming Gaffers!" A short and soft yet still triumphant rock chord played in the background as a logo slid onto the top of the screen – a pale green lightbulb-and-crossbones against a lighter background.

"Shawn," the host continued after quickly jogging over to the team of the survivalist, Jo, DJ, Dawn, B, Sierra, and Topher, "you're the Killer Grips!"

Another rock chord played softly in the background as their team's logo slid onto the top of the screen – and orange-red fist raised as if in salute. "Do we have to?" DJ asked nervously. "I don't really like the _sound_ of that."

"Hey, does that mean we can change too?" Beth asked from the other side of the area. "Gaffer sounds kinda _gross_..."

A sudden crash from off-screen was accompanied by a series of dramatic notes in the background music, startling Beth and the other Screaming Gaffers. The shot cut to a pair of men, one fat and black and the other white and of average size, standing on a set with some production equipment. A light lay broken on the ground in front of them, and a television on a cart rested nearby.

"I'm sick and tired of gettin' no _respect_ around here!" the white man declared in a gruff and angry voice, walking off before his black companion shoved the television off its stand and left as well.

"Okay," Chris said quickly, checking his wristwatch, "since we're running late now and don't seem to have any more," his expression became uncertain as he tried to recall the words he wanted, "uhmm...whatever those...two...crew...dudes...did? We better get going!" He smiled and walked over to two sets of film equipment, including lights, cameras, a cart of props, and a small trailer.

"Your challenge," he said as the team logos appeared at the top of the screen, Grips on the left and Gaffers on the right, "for each team to set up a film set!"

"See?" Jo said. "I _told_ you it'd be easy."

"Oh _really_?" Chris asked with a devious look. "As Location Manager, I want your sets to go...," he cast sneaky looks around the area before finally wiggling his finger and pointing upwards. "_There_!" A dramatic beat was played as the camera zoomed out to a long-distance shot of the giant fake hill set, a winding path leading all the way up to the top.

"Is it in your _job description_ to make challenges more difficult whenever someone remarks on their apparent simplicity?" Scarlett asked in a deadpan tone.

"_No_," Chris replied, "I just happen to like _doing_ it. Chef!" he said into a walkie-talkie he suddenly pulled out of his pants pocket. "All cleared for traffic up there?"

Mid-way through the host's question the scene moved up to Chef Hatchet standing at the top of the hill. The large man looked away from his own walkie-talkie to scope out the scene, and quickly shrugged at the camera.

The camera quick-panned back down to the base of the hill as the background music began to build. "Lights!" Chris called through his megaphone, Shawn frantically leading his team in a dash towards their equipment. "Camera! _Action_!" The bald boy picked up a light and turned for the hill, while behind him Beth and Lightning of the Gaffers were also seen making a dash to pick something up.

"FREEZE!" Scarlett commanded immediately, the shot changing to show her standing between her five teammates and the path up the hill, the remaining Gaffers freezing in their tracks with the equipment they had grabbed.

"We need to do this _efficiently_," their leader quickly explained. "As such, we'll pass the equipment up relay style – I myself will start off _here_, passing to Sammy, who will pass to Beth, then Beardo, Lightning, and finally Alejandro near the top. I want _you two_," she pointed at the two well-muscled boys, "to work together on getting that _trailer_ up first. Once you've finished, get into relay positions, understand?"

The two young men exchanged a look and Alejandro shrugged, "I suppose we may as well follow our leader's orders," he said.

"Then you better make sure you don't slow down the Lightning!" the uber-jock said as they went over to the trailer, picked it up by its hitch, and started to run up the path.

"You three," Scarlett moved her gaze to Sammy, Beth, and Beardo, "should just grab something for now and go take up your spots along the path. Beardo, I want you to keep watch for when Lightning comes back down the mountain, then signal loudly when you start running equipment up to Lightning."

Beardo gave her a thumbs-up and short ding before grabbing the prop cart, imitating an engine's roar, and running up the hill at top speed.

"Sammy, Beth, once you hear Beardo's signal you need to begin running things up to the next station, understand?" Scarlett asked the two young women.

"Got it!" Beth nodded, grabbing a camera and heading off.

"Right!" Sammy added, taking a light and following after.

Scarlett nodded as she watched them go off, then quickly turned her attention back to her team's remaining equipment.

/

The scene flashed over to Jo and Shawn, who were carrying lights at the head of the Grips' pack. "So what _exactly_ is your strategy here, Noble Leader?" the jock-ette asked. Behind them, DJ was shown with a larger three-bulbed light set, Dawn and B were guiding the cart, while Sierra and Topher carried a light and a camera respectively and determinedly did not look at each other.

"I don't know," the survivalist answered, "just keep running as fast as you can!"

/

Another skip forward showed Jo and Shawn reaching the top, followed shortly by Alejandro, Lightning, and the Gaffer's trailer. They shared a nervous look before turning around and starting the run back down, only a few feet ahead of their rivals. As tense music played in the background, the four passed by DJ and Sierra on their way up.

"I'll be waiting for you here, amigo!" Alejandro told Lightning, coming to a stop at a corner as Topher came by. "We're counting on you!"

"And sha-Lightning will _always_ deliver!" the overachiever boasted before speeding up ahead of Shawn, who was looking over his shoulder with a perplexed look on his face, and Jo, who merely grit her teeth and pushed herself to keep up.

It was around when the two athletes passed Dawn and B that Lightning frowned and skidded to a halt. "Hah!" she cheered, looking back only briefly as she kept heading downhill. Her brow creased when she passed Beardo coming by the opposite direction, sounding off an incredibly loud and shrill air raid siren as he pushed his team's cart. A little while later she passed a huffing Beth holding a camera, and some time after that spotted Sammy carrying a light.

"What the...?" she muttered as she saw, several yard behind the cheerleader, a pile of equipment on the ground. As she neared the base, she was joined by Scarlett heading in the same direction. "Hey!" Jo said. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Winning!" Scarlett replied with a smirk as the two girls reached their respective teams starting areas – the Gaffers had much less still at the base than the Grips.

/

"Despite a slow start," Chris announced happily through his megaphone, "it looks like the Gaffers have taken the lead, having most of their stuff in play and the heavy stuff already on top!"

The camera cut away from the host's close-up to show Chef standing up at the top of the hill by the Gaffers' trailer and the Grips' pile of other equipment. Alejandro arrived with the cart and dropped it off without a word, and Chef checked something off of the clipboard he was holding.

/

"Crap," Jo muttered, catching her breath while Scarlett grabbed her team's last camera and ran up with it. There were still a light and a rack of clothing left on the Gaffers' side, but the Grips had several pieces of the smaller equipment and the trailer to deal with.

"What are you standing around for?" Shawn asked as he arrived back at the starting area. "We have to keep going!"

"Well what are we gonna do about this freaking _trailer_?" Jo asked as DJ and Sierra came up, followed by B on a collapsible scooter with Dawn and a rather scared-looking Topher on his back. "One of us needs to get that up there too!"

"Ooh, what about DJ?" Sierra suggested, raising up the gentle giant's muscly left arm.

"Nuh-uh," DJ said, yanking his arm away from his teammate, "_no way_. What if the trailer slips and rolls down the hill and possibly hurts someone?"

"Fine," Jo rolled her eyes as Shawn tapped his chin and looked at their remaining pile in the background, "then _I'll_ pull it, and you can keep it steady from the back. That way it won't slip, and we'll go faster than if just one of us pulled it!"

"No time!" Shawn interrupted frantically. "We still have enough other stuff that we can't spare anyone, so we'll have to come back for the trailer later!" He quickly grabbed a camera and ran off.

"But-" Jo protested, but as her teammates began to follow Shawn lead she just groaned in resignation.

xxx

"Okay, _seriously_?" Jo said in the confessional, slapping her face. "That trailer's gotta be the hardest thing to lug up there, and he wants us to get it _last_?! We might as well just _hand_ the other team the win!"

xxx

The background music switched between hectic and triumphant as the focus went from the Grips to the Gaffers and then back again. The Grips, despite their hustle, seemed to be losing morale as they passed – or were passed by – each member of the constantly-moving Gaffer relay.

For their part, the Gaffers seemed to have adjusted well to their assigned roles. The camera followed Scarlett as she handed off a set piece to Sammy, who then ran it up to Beth, who handed it over to Beardo, who then gave it to Lightning, who in turn dropped it off with Alejandro, who put it with the rest of their team's equipment just as Shawn and Sierra arrived for the Grips.

"Better get moving!" Alejandro taunted with an impish smirk before leaving to meet up with Lightning again.

"Aww, man!" Shawn moaned, removing his cap to wipe the sweat from his brow before he and Sierra raced back down the hill, passing DJ and Jo on the way.

"With Scarlett's relay strat keeping things moving," Chris narrated over a shot of Lightning tossing a boom mic into Alejandro's hands, "it looks like the Grips are _trailing_ behind!" The camera cut to a close-up of the host as he chuckled at his own joke. "Will they be able to make it there and back in time to beat the Gaffers? Find out after the break to see whose gamble will actually pay off!"

"It'll be _mine_," Scarlett said with a confident smile as she passed between the host and the camera, pushing a rack of costumes.

(Fade to Commercial and Back)

The scene faded back in to a long-distance shot of the hill, the Gaffers visible from their positions along the path and their team logo appearing in the upper part of the screen.

"Welcome back to Total Drama Action," Chris said, lounging in a chair on top of the hill with sunglasses over his eyes and a drink-filled coconut in his hand. "We're in the middle of some pretty wild action right now!" he added, lifting his shades and leaning forward.

/

The focus was put on Sammy as she ran downhill, looking tired. Just as she got to a light that was sitting on the ground, Scarlett approached with the costume rack...and continued on right past the startled cheerleader.

"Wait," Sammy called, "does that mean...?"

"If your question is what I assume it is," Scarlett answered, "the answer is yes!"

"Ohmygosh!" the nice twin said, her face lighting up as she quickly grabbed the last piece of equipment off the ground and ran up the hill with it. The background music picked up its pace as the two young women raced upwards confidently, only to get temporarily blown aside by the frantic blurs that were Shawn, Jo, Sierra, and DJ.

"It's too late!" Scarlett called back with a hint of a cackle in her tone. "You'll _never_ stop us now!" The camera cut to Sammy shooting her team leader an uncomfortable look, then flashed over to the Grips as they arrived at their trailer.

"Come one, we have to _hurry_!" Shawn said as he grabbed the hitch of the trailer and started pulling with all his might.

"No _duh_!" Jo barked, grabbing it with him as Sierra and DJ began to push from behind. Together, the four of them managed to get the heavy thing moving at a quick pace.

"Guys, I think we can do this!" DJ said with a smile as the background music rose triumphantly...only for the shot to immediately cut to Scarlett and Sammy arriving at the top of the hill where the rest of their team was already waiting.

"You did it!" Beth cheered as Beardo began a trumpet fanfare.

"Excellent work!" Alejandro added.

"_Boo_-yah!" Lightning cheered. "Looks like we win, y'all!"

B, Dawn, and Topher were shown standing sadly nearby, and the four Grips still coming up with the trailer were shown slumping, growling, and sighing in their defeat.

"Weeelllll...," Chris interrupted slowly with a sly grin on his face, "nnnoooottt _exactly_..."

"...Pardon?" Beth asked, her hands still raised mid-cheer, the background music fading into a deeper, more ominous tune.

"That was only the _first_ part of the challenge!" the host explained. "Did I neglect to mention that?" He forcibly lowered the girl's arms, and the other five Gaffers slouched forward in new-found depression.

/

"It's time to make a movie!" Chris announced over a shot of the artificial hill growing closer. The scene cut to the top, where the host himself stood in front of the Killer Grips and a fully-constructed set of what looked like an elderly person's living room – pictures hung on each of its two walls, a grandfather clock stood on the left side, and a lavender sofa was sitting in front of a yellow-curtained window in the back. "And what we have here," Chris continued, "is the set for a tear jerker. Starring, an elderly lady considering her long life!"

"Great," Jo spat, "not only do we have no _trailer_, but we have a boring _plot_, too."

"Yeah, guess I kinda messed up on that call earlier, didn't I?" Shawn said, sheepishly scratching the back of his neck.

"I kinda feel _bad_ for them," Sammy said from in front of a red-curtained window, her eyes fixed on the Grips.

"Don't bother," Alejandro told her, the camera zooming out slightly to show him standing near a green armchair. "They lost, and now they must deal with it."

The shot changed to show Chris' back as he faced the Gaffers, who were on a set of their own – with a desk set in front of the window and armchair and a maroon couch on the righthand wall, the fake room had a darker and more masculine feel to it. "You'll be making a feature about a _thug_," the host told them, "who tries to go straight, but can't resist the lure of the _street_." The camera angle switched, showing the handsome man directly as he spoke to the team of six, then focusing back on the Gaffers themselves, looking largely unimpressed.

"How..._unoriginal_..." Alejandro said dryly. "Incidentally, I don't suppose we'll be breaking for lunch anytime soon, will we? If we're to be working on a film set, then _surely_ we must follow union rules, which include mandatory meal breaks."

"Oh yeah?" Chris asked. "Who here is in the union?" He raised his hand happily, and none of the castmates did. "Yeah, I thought so."

xxx

Alejandro groaned. "I _really_ should have expected that. Since when has Chris _ever_ treated us as more than tools for his amusement?"

xxx

"And now, it's time to choose an actor to perform a scene," Chris said as the footage cut back, showing the host and Chef standing in between the two sets, the team leaders standing nearby at the edge of their respective sets. "Chef!" the host said with a grin as he turned to his assistant, who held a pair of large manilla envelopes in his hands. "Give the teams their scenes!"

The hulking man shoved one of the envelopes into Shawn's arms, and he opened it with an uncertain look. "Uhh, okay, looks like we need an old lady for this," he said, pulling a sheet of paper halfway out and reading it. The camera panned over to the six other Grips, with Dawn, Jo, and Sierra as the central focus, the latter of which was smiling.

"Yeah, no way," Jo said immediately. "I'm not gonna pretend I'm old and _weak_."

"I...do not think I can act," Dawn added in a close-up. "Sorry."

"Oooooh," Sierra squealed happily, "looks like _I_ get to do it!"

"Well, I guess if nobody has any objections," Shawn said hesitantly, and immediately six pairs of eyes and the focus of the camera fell on Topher, who looked like he was trying not to scowl after stepping in something unpleasant.

"As much as it _pains_ me to say this," he said, "and _believe_ me, it _does_...Sierra, horrible though she is, might actually be able to pull this off. At least, I know firsthand that she's good at pretending she's something she's _not_," he added with a glare.

Sierra huffed and turned away, her long braid hitting Jo in the arm causing the jock-ette to scowl.

"I guess that's settled then," Shawn said with a shrug before he and Sierra broke out into a smile each.

/

"It appears our character's name is 'Big Lucky Parmigiano'," Scarlett read from her team's papers, Beth and Sammy standing nearby.

"Sounds like a tough guy, so we go with whoever is _toughest_, right?" Beth asked before the camera panned over to Beardo and Lightning.

"Well count _me_ out," the hairy boy said. "I'm more of a _special effects_ guy anyway." He immediately mimed shooting a Tommy Gun, complete with perfectly mimicked gunfire.

"Ain't _nobody_ tougher than _Lightning_!" the uber-jock boasted with a kiss of his biceps.

"Ah, but can you _act_?" Alejandro asked, stepping forward from the jock's left. "It takes much more than mere _toughness_ to perform on stage. I think we _all_ know who has the experience, the understanding of human emotion, and the _charisma_," he paused to flash a smile at the camera as a Latin riff played in the background, "to play this part."

"And I suppose your gold tooth _does_ add to your 'tough guy' credibility," Scarlett quipped, causing Alejandro's face to fall. "But I must concur, you _are_ our best choice." She smirked as he snatched the envelope away from her.

"Alright," Chris announced through his megaphone, "set up the shot! Whoever can get _Chef_," he explained as the man in question walked over to a pair of director's chairs stationed in front of a video monitor as a military drumline played in the background, "mister ex-_Army Corporal_, to show any emotion wins the challenge."

Chef sat down in one of the chairs and put a pair of headphones on, then crossed his arms. As soon as the host stopped talking, he leaned in close to the camera that was on him, baring his tightly-clenched teeth and growling angrily.

/

The footage skipped ahead, showing Shawn adjusting one of the stagelights on top of the set. The camera panned down and to the right, briefly catching a glimpse of Jo holding a boom mic before the shot stabilized on Topher and Sierra, the former watching over the girl as she held her script and hunched over.

"Okay, your pose is _almost_ perfect," the host-wannabe said stiffly. "You just need to try _feeling_ elderly, don't make the make-up and lightning do all the work _for_ you."

"Ugh," Sierra rolled her eyes, "I _know_!" She immediately scrunched up her face and trembled, making herself look remarkably older.

"Hmm...," Topher said, tapping his chin in thought. "How's the lightning?" he asked, looking up at Shawn.

"Just about got it!" Shawn replied as he adjusted the same lamp he'd been working on earlier.

Topher looked back at Sierra and shrugged, "I suppose this should work. We just need to get some make-up on you, although with _your_ skin and hair we hardly _need_ it."

"I could _do_ without the _insults_, thank you very much!" Sierra muttered angrily, still in her 'old woman' pose.

"So could I," Topher said haughtily, "but here I am, stuck having to work with _you_."

The camera cut over to the left, where Chris was peeking around the edge of the Grips' set and laughing. "Friction between the crew and talent," he told the camera watching him, "I _love it_! It's almost like a real film set!"

B and Dawn were shown exchanging a worried look as they stood behind a soundboard; the silent genius wearing a pair of headphones.

"But even _you_ suggested it!" Sierra protested, finally breaking her pose to throw her arms up in the air.

"So?" Topher began to reply before Dawn slid up between them, holding her arms out to separate them.

"Friends, please," she said, "you _must_ put aside your differences! Despite the past you share, I _know_ that you still recognize each other's talents. Topher," she looked at the boy, "your on-screen training and experience is without peer among us! And Sierra," she turned her head to the girl, "your limitless passion is your greatest strength! If you two work together, we are _certain_ to succeed!"

Sierra sighed. "Yeah, I guess you're right..."

"You _might_ have a point," Topher admitted. The two rivals looked each other in the eyes and shot out a hand.

"_Truce_," they said together, tersely shaking hands.

"I can't believe they settled that so _fast_!" Chris said from the edge of the set. "Sometimes, this business really stinks!"

/

The scene flashed over to the Gaffers, Alejandro reading over his lines while Scarlett fiddled with a cord running across the stage nearby. Beth was adjusting the lights above, and Lightning was practicing moving the boom mic around.

"I must say," the charmer said, "these lines do _not_ fit the character description. There _must_ have been a mix-up."

"Even if there _were_," Scarlett told him, setting the cord down and standing up to look at him, "do you really think Chris would allow it to be corrected? It's far more probable that you'll still have to use the script we were given, so you should just focus on doing what you can. I shouldn't have to tell you who'll take the blame if we lose."

Alejandro scowled. "Very well then. I suppose I don't have much _choice_ in the matter, do I?"

"Yo, can I get a sound check?" Beardo asked suddenly from their team's soundboard, holding the headphones up to his ear.

"Oh, yes," the pretty boy replied idly. "Lightning, the mic?"

"Huh?" the uber-jock said, looking up as he fiddled with the boom mike cord. "Oh right, yeah." He swung the microphone around, but due to the way he was holding it the thing knocked into Alejandro's forehead. The charmer winced in pain, and the feedback from the impact earned a cringe from Beardo as well.

/

The scene cut to DJ as he pulled the Grips' costume rack with one hand behind their set. The camera zoomed in on his foot as he absentmindedly hooked it on one of the many cords that were running through the area. It quickly tightened up and caused him to nearly stumble, but he quickly realized the problem and started to tug his foot free.

In doing so, he also yanked on the taut cord, and as the camera followed it up the wall of the set the group of lights it was hooked up to also began to wobble. Shawn, who was currently adjusting them, failed to notice, and another mighty yank from DJ brought the lights and the young man working them down with a shout.

"Oh no!" DJ said, looking up and seeing his teammate and the lights falling towards him. Despite a fearful look he stuck his arms out, and caught everything before it hit the floor. "Whew, _that_ was close," the gentle giant said as he put the lights down and Shawn jumped to the ground. "Sorry about knockin' you down, guess I shoulda watched where I was goin'."

"Nah," Shawn told him, "it was probably my fault for trying to move those lights this close to the deadline."

"Gotcha," DJ said. "You want a boost back up?"

"Sure," the survivalist shrugged.

The footage flashed forward, showing a smiling DJ handing the fallen lights back up to his team leader before turning around to see Chef standing a few feet away.

"Hmmph," the large man said dismissively, "actin' like you a _tough guy_. You're just lucky you didn't get on that _brainy girl's_ team."

"Why would you _say_ that?" the gentle giant said, his voice trembling. Chef just snorted and walked away.

"Oh, don't listen to _him_," another voice came from behind the saddened form of DJ; he turned around to see Dawn. "Your gentle soul is what makes you such a wonderful person!"

"Thanks," DJ told her with a sniff and a smile.

/

"Could you, umm, stand still...please?" Sammy said meekly as the shot moved over to her and Alejandro standing on the Gaffers' set. While the cheerleader was trying to apply make-up, the charmer was trying on a variety of fedoras and looking at himself in a hand mirror.

"I could," Alejandro answered dismissively, "but I find it more important to get the _rest_ of my 'tough guy' appearance determined first. After all," he chuckled, "my face should already be perfect!"

"It's just a touch-up," Sammy told him, "but if you want me to go, I can-"

"Oh, no no no!" Alejandro interrupted quickly, turning his full attention towards the blonde before she stepped away. "You are _right_ where I want you, señorita! Just tell me," he flashed a dashing smile, "which of these do you think looks _better_ on me?" H switched the greenish fedora he'd been wearing with a browner one, and looked at Sammy expectantly.

"Ummm...the first one?" she said hesitantly.

"You have excellent taste," Alejandro said, putting the greenish fedora back on and admiring his reflection again. "Although I'll need a better _jacket_..."

xxx

"Was it just me," Sammy asked the confessional camera uncertainly, "or was Alejandro just trying to flirt with me? Because I _kinda_ have a boyfriend...I think..." Her face briefly fell into a troubled expression before she shook it off. "At any rate, I'm not really _interested_..."

xxx

"With the team that Scarlett's put together," Alejandro explained in the make-up confessional, "I'll need an ally to ensure my safety. And since she's been separated from her little _friends_, Samey is my best choice – I need to get to her before the _others_ do."

xxx

"And now," Chris cheerfully announced through his megaphone, "time for the final hair and make-up!" The shot switched from the six Gaffers on their stage to the seven Grips.

The camera zoomed in on Sierra as DJ walked up to her with a large purple flower-print make-up bag in his hand. "This light is _appalling_," he said as he took out a make-up brush and started dusting Sierra' face, "how am I supposed to work without a proper trailer and _lighting_?" Shawn and Topher gasped, and the gentle giant's tone lightened up considerably. "I mean, could you tilt that pretty chin up just a smidge?"

"That's _enough_!" Chef shouted, a military drumline underlying his every word. He grabbed DJ by the shoulder, and threw him into a director's chair.

"What?" the gentle giant asked with a shrug. "My Momma always told me I had a flare for applying her church make-up, so I figured-"

"We've _got_ to toughen you up, you big old _marshmallow_!" Chef said, poking the younger black man in the chest for emphasis. "So here's what we're gonna _do_. I'll help you-"

His train of thought was interrupted when a few taps came on his arm. "WHAT?!" he shouted as he whipped around to see Dawn standing behind him looking oddly calm.

"Sorry for interrupting," she told him, "but we really _do_ need DJ right now. I'm afraid you'll have to speak to him later!" She grew more and more nervous with each word as Chef's angry grimace deepened. When she finished she quickly grabbed her friend by the hand and took him back to their team's stage.

Chef just stood there, seething with mute rage.

xxx

"I've gotta admit," Chef confessed, his hulking frame taking up a considerable amount of space in front of the mirror, "I see a bit of _myself_ in DJ. But I had to develop the _macho_ in myself without somebody like _me_ helpin'! But if he ain't gonna take this _seriously_, then I'm gonna have to _force_ him to!" He ended his confessional by punching his fist and cackling.

xxx

Topher was shown tying the straps of a maroon bonnet into a bow under Sierra's chin while DJ quickly did her make-up. The girl's long braid had been curled up and hidden into the bonnet, and she had paired it with a long skirt of a similar color.

"Not too shabby," Topher told her, stepping back and framing her with his fingers. "Not _perfect_, granted, but this'll have to do since we don't have a trailer." Sierra rolled her eyes, and the footage cut over to the Gaffers.

Alejandro had put on a dark green suit coat to match the fedora he'd chosen, and he flashed a gold-flecked smile into his hand mirror before stowing it away. "Dashing as always," he said idly, "and now for the finishing touches." He snapped his fingers, and Sammy tossed him a lime green paintball gun prop.

A drumroll started as the shot cut to Chris, who held a film slate above his head and slowly opened the stick. "And thaaatt's..._action_!" The camera cut to a close-up of the slate just as the drumroll ended and the stick was clapped.

The footage switched to letterbox format and a noir-style tune started to play as the Gaffer's scene began. "When I was young schoolgirl in _Poland_," Alejandro began in a gruffer voice than usual, idly petting his gun while looking up at the ceiling, "frolicking through the fields with my pet _goat_ in the summer sun," as the budding actor continued, the shot cut to Chris and Chef as they watched the monitor and listened with looks of shock and disbelief on their faces, "_those_," Alejandro sighed as the two watching him shared a glance and the camera showed the grainy monitor feed, "were my _happiest_ days."

"Did you check the envelopes before you labeled them?" Chris asked with a sly look.

"I thought _you_ checked 'em!" Chef answered, a briefly troubled expression fading as the host began to snicker, and the cook joined in.

/

A touching tune began as the Grips' scene began to play on the monitor feed. "Now you listen and you listen _good_!" Sierra said in an elderly tone as she hobbled across the set assisted by a cane; the footage promptly switched back to letterbox format for the remainder of her scene. "If your _fighter_ doesn't go down in the _first round_, you'll be sleeping with the _fishes_!" She brandished her cane menacingly as she spoke. "I've risked a _lot_ to come back here, to this life, and I won't have you _mooks_ acting like you can get the better of me because of it!" She slammed her cane back down and spun around, folding an arm behind her back as she stepped back towards the grandfather clock.

The shot cut to Shawn and B watching from the Grips' soundboard. "Huh, guess she really _is_ good at this!" the team's leader said. "Good thing we went with her." B nodded sagely.

/

The viewpoint moved over Chef's shoulder as he watched the next part of the Gaffers' scene on the monitor, the footage switching back to letterbox format as the handsome young man began to speak again. "I've lived a good, _long_ life," Alejandro said mournfully, closing his eyes and shaking his head as he set the prop gun down on the desk. "I've _loved_, I've _laughed_," he paused to sigh and put his hands on the desk, hanging his head sadly, "but what I miss most of _all_...is my sweet little goat. _Shopa_!" he cried, raising his head dramatically towards the sky as touching music swelled up in the background. "Ohhh, baaa, baaa!" Tears began to roll down his cheeks as he mourned the lost goat.

"Baa, baa!" Chef echoed, struggling to contain his tears before he broke out crying. Sammy and Beth were shown wiping away their own tears with the aide of a box of tissues, and Chef walked over to join them, even blowing his nose.

"C-c-cut!" Chris declared, trying to hide his own emotion from the camera. "Okay! Enough! It's too much for Chef to take! Alejandro clearly wins for best performance!"

Triumphant music opened up in the background as the shot cut back to the charmer, now taking a bow. "The Screaming Gaffers win it!"

"Well it looks like I know who's gonna be sleeping with the fishes _tonight_!" Sierra said, still in character as she wielded her cane like a gun, pointed straight at the Gaffers.

"Weren't _you_ wantin' _me_ to get tougher?" DJ asked with a light chuckle to a still-crying Chef.

"Tough guys cry!" Chef countered, grabbing the younger man by the neck of his shirt. "And did you notice how your team just _lost_, DJ? And you'll _keep_ losin'," he growled in a low voice, "until you agree to let me toughen you up to win this, and then split the _prize money_ with me!"

The camera focused on DJ as he cringed in fear and new-found panic.

/

The footage skipped forward, and the camera flew in towards the cast trailers. A flash took the scene inside the girl's trailer, where Sierra was pouting on her bed while Jo stood nearby.

"Great," the super-fan mumbled, "now _Topher's_ gonna try to convince everyone else to vote _me_ out."

"Which is why we need to stop wasting time in _here_ and go _talk_ to them," Jo told her. "I mean sure, Al won the acting challenge, but that's not the only reason we lost, and I think we can convince some of the others to vote someone _else_ out."

"Really?" Sierra asked hopefully. "You'd do that for _me_?"

"Uh, yeah, sure," the jock-ette told her awkwardly.

xxx

"So I've been rethinking my _strategy_ since last season," Jo explained in the make-up trailer, "and I've decided that I need to try to be more _lenient_ with other people's failures in order to build their trust. And since Gangster Granny's my best shot at an ally right now, that means helping her out when her butt's on the chopping block."

xxx

"Ooh, can we vote out _Topher_?" Sierra asked with a hint of viciousness.

"Sorry, but as far as I can tell Pretty Boy didn't mess up today," Jo answered. "We're gonna have to go after someone _else_, and I have _just_ the guy in mind. But it's not gonna work if it's just the two of us, so let's go talk to some of the others." She smirked confidently and motioned for Sierra to follow her out of the trailer. The tall girl lingered for a moment on her bed before giving a small shrug and walking after.

/

The scene faded into the same sequence used to introduce the Gilded Chris Ceremony during the previous episode – the shot of the amphitheater, the stream of scenes featuring the host himself, and the gleaming golden statue flanked by fireworks, all set to that dramatic award show theme.

A jazzier tune began once the footage flashed to the ceremony itself, Chris waving to the camera as he approached the podium. The seven members of the Killers Grips were shown watching with unimpressed looks – Topher, DJ, Dawn and B in a higher row; Shawn, Jo, and Sierra in a lower one – and Chef Hatchet was shown doing a drumroll ending in a motion towards the host.

"And now it's time to cast your votes and determine who will stroll down the Walk of Shame!" he announced to the castmates before motioning to the limousine idling at the end of the red carpet. The seven grips gasped, and a dramatic beat began the usual musical accompaniment used during an elimination. "Under your seats you'll find voting devices," he said as Shawn reached down and picked his up. "Just press the button of the person you want voted off!" The screen of the voting device was shown, the face of each remaining contestant scrolling past long with a button next to each.

"It's easy," Chris told them, "sooo, cast your votes! Who will it be?" he asked over a shot of DJ looking nervous. "Who will be cast off the set?" The footage flashed through shots of most of the Grips – Dawn, then B, then Jo, then Sierra, then Topher – as they considered who to vote for. Chef began another drumroll as the votes were cast, and a stream of electronic boops and beeps were heard as the camera panned over to a large old-fashioned computer sitting on the stage just past the cook-turned-drummer.

Chef motioned to the computer at the end of his drumroll, and it began to slowly print something out. "And it looks like all the votes have been cast," Chris announced from off-screen before the camera switched to his close-up. "Chef?" The sound of paper being torn was heard in the background, and Chef handed the print-off.

"Remember," the host told the castmates, "if you get a Gilded Chris, you get to stay because, rather _suitably_, the Gilded Chris represents the luster of fame, _and_, immortal greatness!" As he spoke, a trapdoor opened in the stage next to him, and six of the golden awards rose up on a marble pedestal from below. Chris chuckled, and the camera focused on the anxious Grips as he announced the results.

"Aaand Gilded Chris's go to...Dawn and B!" With a smile he tossed an award to the mystic and the silent genius in succession, and though both made their catches only B seemed to be happy about it. Dawn, on the other hand, seemed to be shooting DJ worried looks.

"Likewise, Jo and Topher _also_ get awards!" Chris added. The jock-ette caught hers with a smug smile, and the junior host stuck his tongue out at his long-time rival after getting his.

Sierra returned the gesture, and the camera switched back over to the host. "Only three nominees left," he said as the view changed to a split-screen with a confused Shawn on the left, DJ hanging his head in the middle, and Sierra frowning nervously on the right. A tense and high-pitched tune began to play as the bottom three's eyes widened.

"And, the loser is...!" A drumroll began during the host's short pause. "_Shawn_!" Both DJ and Sierra looked towards the survivalist just before their parts of the split-screen slid away and Shawn was left gaping. "Time to go!" Chris announced, pointing towards the Walk of Shame.

"But...but _why_?" Shawn stammered in disbelief.

"Sorry Zombie Boy," Jo told him, "but you messed up when you told us not to grab that trailer. If we'd had that, maybe we would have actually won the challenge."

"Aww, what?!" Topher shouted in protest. "Come _on_! The reason we lost is because _Sierra_ failed to perform! Isn't that right, guys?" he asked the three sitting next to him.

"_Well_...," Dawn mumbled as she and B purposely avoided eye contact with him. DJ just closed his eyes and hung his head.

The camera cut back to Shawn as he sighed and stood up. "Welp, looks like this is as far as I get to go. Sorry for failing the rest of you."

"And remember," Chris told him as he started to walk past the stage, "you can never come back, _ev-er_!" The reminder just caused the bald boy to sigh again, but as he lingered in front of the podium he looked back one last time just as the usual sad and reverent music began to play.

Topher, DJ, Dawn, B, and Sierra were shown all waving him off, the middle three with sad smiles on their faces, and even Jo managed to give him a few curt waves. Shawn smiled and sniffed back tears as he waved back, and started walking again. He continued to wave even as he walked down the red carpet, only stopping when he finally got into the Lame-o-sine and drove off.

The shot cut back to DJ and Dawn, still in their seats. "I can tell you're feeling troubled," the mystic said softly, putting a hand on her friend's shoulder. "You think you should have been the one to go home, don't you?"

"Yeah," DJ told her. "We lost because Chef's tryin' to force me into some kinda _alliance_ with him, and I don't know what I'm gonna _do_ about it!"

Dawn nodded, and hugged him from the side. "Don't worry," she said, "I'll help you think of something."

DJ looked down at her and smiled. "Thanks."

(Fade to Credits)

/

/

/

**[Bonus Clip]**

Shawn closed the door of the limousine, and his smile immediately fell. "I can't believe I lost my shot at a million _bucks_, and all because of a lousy _trailer_! And I really thought I was gonna be a pretty good leader, too!"

He sighed deeply. "Aww, who am I kidding, there's no _way_ I woulda made it much further after I won last season. Sorry, zombie bunker," he said as he took the blueprints out from his pocket and looked at them sadly, "but it looks like I'll have to earn you the _old-fashioned_ way." He sniffed, and wiped the tears out of his eyes.

"And you know what makes it _worse_?" he asked the camera that was facing him. "I could have avoided _all_ of this if I had just said 'no' to that deal _Chris_ gave me at the end of last season! Sure, I still wouldn't have all the money I need, but I'd at least he a hundred grand closer than I am _now_!"

He sighed again, then took off his toque, revealing his bald head as he blew his nose with his hat. He blinked, then sat up straight. "_What_ am I _doing_?!" he exclaimed. "I can't be moping _around_, this limo could get attacked by zombies any _second_!" Without thinking about it he put his hat back on, then jumped up and stuck his head out of the compartment's moon roof. "I may not be able to _see_ you, undead scum," he shouted to the outside world, his legs dangling in front of the camera, "but I know you're _out there_!"

* * *

**Author's Note - Post Script**

Trust me, eliminating Shawn here was one of the toughest decisions I had to make. I really like him, and I had originally planned to have him go further than this, but since he's already gotten a lot of screentime last season and I didn't want to prematurely end one of the more interesting subplots, I ended up switching his elimination with the person I had previously planned on giving the boot in this episode. To all you Shawn fans out there, I really am sorry that I had to do it.

At any rate, that leaves the teams at an even six each: the Screaming Gaffers with Scarlett, Lightning, Beth, Alejandro, Sammy, and Beardo; and the Killer Grips with Jo, DJ, Dawn, B, Sierra, and Topher. Hopefully the reasons why everyone was picked make sense.

Let's see, what else...well, the subplot with Chef and DJ is going to be a bit different, as you may have already noticed. And of course, knowing that I was going to put Sammy and DJ on separate teams was one of the reasons why I had them hook up last episode, although they didn't get much focus this time around.

For the challenge, I ended up deciding to have their be more equipment than was strictly shown in canon. As I rewatched the canon episode, I realized that both teams probably could have just gotten everything up in one trip had they tried, as Chris never explicitly told them to leave the trailer for last; this thus caused Heather's suggestion of a relay to make little sense. So when adapting that part of the challenge, I decided to help set up Shawn's elimination by giving the teams more equipment to work with, allowing for a relay suggestion from Scarlett to give her team the edge. Hopefully that all made sense.

Oh, and one last thing. As you may have guessed from the opening sequence, I'm going to go ahead and confirm two things: unless something causes my plans to change drastically, Amy will be the one who joins the game halfway through, while Sam and Dakota will be hosting the Aftermaths. Sorry if I disappointed anyone, especially with that last decision!

Until next week,

\- Fangren

* * *

**Appendix: TSA Eliminated Contestants**

Geoff - (Tied for 14th Place)

Bridgette - (Tied for 14th Place)

Shawn - (13th Place)


	4. Chapter 4 - Beach Blanket Bogus

**Author's Note**

Here it is, a little later than I would have liked, but on Friday just the same! I'll be honest: Chapter 5 was a tad..._difficult _to write, particularly the final third, and I nearly decided to put off finishing it until Saturday. As some of you may have already guessed, that is because I basically had to re-invent the tiebreaker that was used, as there's nobody in the cast to ruin it like Owen did in canon. There's a bit more too what I had to do then that, though, but that will have to wait for next week.

Until then, here's the replies to the almost twenty reviews this story has gotten since last time!

**80jj:** Hey, don't worry about it, I'm not expecting people to review every time. I'm glad you've liked the story so far, am I'm definitely interested in that plan of yours!

**Solarr-Eclipse:** Didn't watch Action, eh? You might wanna try giving it a go, if only for the sake of completeness. And yeah, I figured that people would be bummed about Shawn getting the boot so early - I really like him too, but he just had to go. And I'm happy you look forward to this series so much!

**Star Saber21:** Yup, that's the main reason I split them up - gotta have obstacles and drama for your couples to deal with!

**TheCashewChef Hatchet:** Yeah, these snowstorms have really been hitting America hard. I'm in Michigan myself, and while it hasn't been too bad here it's still knocked our power out a few times. Interesting predictions, and I'm glad you like the story!

**Cole D. soul:** Yeah, I think you predicted that in one of your reviews. Oh, and don't worry, I'll be doing the World Tour Aftermaths - there's not exactly any reason why I wouldn't, after all. They had some great moments in canon.

**spader13:** Interesting theories about the next few eliminations, and yeah, a bunch of people predicted who the Aftermath hosts and 'returning' contestant would be. Thanks for the review!

**acosta perez jose ramiro:** Yeah, pretty much - that's one of the reasons why I specifically had Scarlett ask if she was the official team leader while the teams were being picked. Thanks as always!

**Madison Wooten:** Yup, that's one of the reasons I decided to get rid of them early! And yeah, you're a pretty good, but not good enough to have been the only one to call it.

**ashDanLand:** Hello! Please don't worry about not reviewing before now, it is more important to me that you have enjoyed my story. And since you have, thanks for telling me!

**Knifez:** Well, sorry to hear that. Although, to be honest I'd prefer being unoriginal by booting a previous winner early than allow them to get far in the game again at the expense of the other characters. Still, I'll keep your complaints in mind for the future, and I'm glad you still found the chapter to be fun to read.

**Identification:** Hey, I'm glad you liked Sierra's acting! I had to come up with a lot of her lines myself, since in canon the role was taken by Izzy, who clearly didn't follow the script.

**I. M. Poik:** I see, I see. And yeah, you're really not alone in your surprise, most of the other reviewers weren't expecting Shawn's elimination either. Interesting predictions as well!

**JinxQueen:** Yup, unless I come up with something I like better than my current plan, which is fairly unlikely. And thanks for the praise of Scarlett's leadership ability!

**Ddynamo and Proxxy the First:** The was basically my first plan for Shawn, but like I said I needed to swap somebody back a few episodes and Shawn was the best choice I saw. And you're not alone in disliking this, since Knifez was pretty disappointed as well. And yeah, the very idea of Izzy in the bowels of Pahkitew Island is...yeah.

**FOWLKON:** Yeah, that was what I was thinking - I didn't really have many ideas for him, and between his finalist status and the other characters having more important plot threads, he got an unlucky early boot.

**bruno14:** Thanks as always! Not much else to say though without giving things away.

**ultrablud2:** I honestly don't think it ever crossed my mind to have Chef approach someone else who wasn't DJ, given why the alliance formed in canon. In retrospect it probably could have worked with one of the others, but I'm honestly really happy with direction I'm taking the illegal alliance subplot. Good to see some curiosity about Amy, and I'm also glad you pointed out which episode titles I'll have to change - I've already gotten around to most of them, of course, and there's a few others I changed that aren't on that list, but thanks for posting it for others to see regardless.

**Zak Saturday:** Yeah, I thought so too - with Dakota being who she is, it seems like an obvious choice to have the producers approach her (and Sam) for the hosting gig before considering Geoff and Bridgette.

And that concludes that segment! Now it's just the reminder of who remains in the game:

Screaming Gaffers \- Scarlett, Lightning, Beth, Alejandro, Sammy, Beardo

Killer Grips \- Jo, DJ, Dawn, B, Sierra, Topher

And now, on with the show!

\- Fangren

* * *

**Episode 4 – Beach Blanket Bogus**

A grandiose tune played as a large red 'TDA' flew in from the foreground as the narration began, coming to a rest in front of a backdrop of a starry sky; a meteor shot across behind the 'D'. "Last time, on Total Drama Action!" The typical recap song began as the scene cut to Chris McLean standing by the numbered studios. "_He_ was a boy," he motioned to his right as a picture of Shawn looking uncertain slid on to the left side of the screen, "_she_ was a girl," a similar gesture was followed by a picture of Scarlett smiling confidently sliding in on the right before they both disappeared and the host continued, "and last week on Total Drama Action, these long-time enemies were pitted against each other once again by a _shocking_ team redistribution."

The clips from the previous episode began with the beginning of the team picking, and a reaction shot from each castmate as they were picked in turn. "While Shawn trusted his instincts to choose his new teammates, Scarlett put more _thought_ into it and eventually came out ahead, breaking up a certain _trio_," Sammy DJ, and Dawn were shown gasping, "and sticking her opponent with a pair who _hate_ each other," Sierra and Topher were showing glaring at each other.

"Meanwhile, Chef tried to make an _illegal_ alliance," the hulking man was shown pulling DJ away from his team, "and Alejandro's mad thespian skills managed to _just_ beat out Sierra." A brief clip of the Gaffers' scene was shown, as well as Sierra angrily wielded her cane like a gun. "It was all too much for Chef's tender heart," the hulking man was shown breaking out into tears, "and thanks to Jo, it was _Shawn_ who took the Walk of Shame." A clip of Jo and Sierra's conversation was followed by Shawn smiling sadly as he was waved off down the red carpet.

"How will the Grips fare without their leader?" The footage flashed through each of the six remaining members of that team, all looking annoyed, uncertain, or scared. "What will happen to Samey and DJ's barely-there relationship?" The gentle giant smiled at the cheerleader, who blushed and nodded back. "Will my non-fat vanilla so latte _ever_ get here?" Chris asked as the shot switched back to him. "All the answers, uh, _answer_, right now! In another tear-jerking episode _of_, Total! Drama! _Action_!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be...famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be...famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

The episode proper opened on a shot of Chef stirring a pot with a scowl on his face, then serving up a scoop of whatever brown mush he'd made to Sammy. "Well, I guess this'll help if I decide to go on a _diet_ while I'm here," she mumbled to herself.

"Not like _you'd_ ever need to go on one," Alejandro said over her shoulder, flashing a gold-tinged smile when she looked back at him.

"Umm, okaaaay...," Sammy said slowly before hurrying over to one of the tables. She smiled when she saw DJ and Dawn walking together with breakfast of their own, but when the pair smiled back and turned towards her, someone just off-camera pulled them away and Sammy frowned.

"Not _today_, kiddos," Jo told them as she dragged the mystic and gentle giant over to the other table with her. "She's the competition now, so you'll just have to put your little _friendship_ on hold."

"Why?" DJ asked. "It's just breakfast. What harm could we possibly do?"

"It's not like we'll be telling them team _secrets_ or anything," Dawn added.

"Only because we don't _have_ any," Jo said. "But if we _do_ come up with something we need to keep from the other team, I need to know you two won't go blabbing about it to _Blondie_ over there." She tilted her head over to Sammy, and the camera briefly cut to her looking uncomfortable as Alejandro sat next to her. "And right now, that means keeping the two teams _separated_. Besides, we need to work on building our _own_ teamwork."

Dawn and DJ frowned, then exchanged a mildly confused look.

xxx

"I wonder when _Jo_ started to care about working together so much?" Dawn asked in the confessional. "Her aura still shows that she considers herself to be better than those around her, so perhaps she's just realized that she isn't quite as better as she thought?"

xxx

"I don't know if you're _aware_," Alejandro said to Sammy, "but I have an older sibling of my own. We're not twins, but he's tormented me for longer than I can remember – I understand your relationship with your sister all too well."

Sammy perked up upon hearing that. "Really?" she asked with a small smile.

"Oh yes," the charmer said, "his name is José, and-"

The sound of a record scratching interrupted him, and he cast a glare at Beardo as he and Beth sat down on the other side of the table. "Girl, you better watch yourself around this guy," the beatboxer said. "He's just gonna butter you up for an _alliance_, then stab you in the back the moment he doesn't need you anymore."

Alejandro looked affronted by his teammate's remarks, but before he could say anything Sammy spoke up. "Oh, yeah, I kinda figured that...," she said meekly. "I mean, he's never talked to me before _now_, so... Oh!" she quickly turned to look at the scowling charmer, "I still wanna hear about your _brother_, though."

"Hmmph," Alejandro scoffed. "Honestly, if _this_ is how everyone is going to treat me, then why even bother? You're all blowing my actions last season _way_ out of proportion! I am _not_ the villain you all make me out to be."

"Maybe," Beth said while fiddling with a bracelet made out of yellow beads, "but that doesn't mean we can _trust_ you either."

Alejandro rolled his eyes, but soon widened them when a piercing whistle was blown nearby.

A surf pop tune began in the background as Chris entered the craft services tent wearing a pair of sunglasses and holding a whistle. "Hang on to your coconuts, players," he told them, the camera cutting back to show him carrying a red-and-gold surfboard under his right arm, "we're goin' _back_ to the _beach_!"

"Eeeee, yay!" Sierra squealed, clapping her hands from the table closest to the door the Grips had claimed.

"Ever seen one of those 1950s surfer movies where the kids get up to neato fun before the bonfire twist-a-thon, and the bully kicks the sand castle in the nerdy guy's face?" he asked with accompanying hand gestures. The surf pop tune finished up with a few strums as Chris was answered by a shrug from DJ, a raised eyebrow from Scarlett, an enthusiastic nod from Sierra that turned into a quick shake of the head after she paused to think, an unimpressed look from Jo, and more raised eyebrows from Beth and Beardo.

"Uhh, I think you might be showing _your_ age, Chris," Topher said with a slightly nervous chuckle. Sierra swiftly punched him in the arm, earning an "Ow!" as he rubbed where he'd been hit.

Chris pursed his lips for a brief moment before resuming his previous smile. "Well then, get ready to recreate one! Two challenges," he said as he held up the same number of fingers, "followed by a tiebreaker, if necessary. So, grab your swimsuits!" He turned and left, with B, Sierra, and Scarlett.

The camera cut over to DJ, who had been standing near the serving counter with an empty tray when Chris had entered the room, as he was pulled back by Chef. "Listen up, boy," the hulking man said in a low voice, "unless you want your team to _lose_ again." DJ nodded fearfully. "If the sand castle thing goes down, make sure you're the _kicker_, not the _kickee_." The gentle giant nodded again, and added a nervous smile. A pan over to the entrance of the tent showed Alejandro lingering just outside, an intrigued look on his face.

/

The footage flashed forward, and a frigid wind blew across a few icy stage lights. The camera panned down to the B, Alejandro, Scarlett, Sammy, Dawn, and DJ standing in their swimsuits and shivering in the cold. "What kind of _beach_ is this meant to be?" Alejandro asked, his teeth chattering together.

"As _some_ of you can see," Chris said, dressed in thick white parka and snow goggles, "we're actually in the shooting studio." The camera pulled out to show an icicle-rimmed pool dominating the area behind the cast; it was flanked by film equipment on most sides and a pair of giant fans on the right. A surfboard had been attached to a stand on the back rim, and was positioned to be in front of a green screen. To the right in the foreground, Chef stood by what looked like a control panel, a green scarf wrapped around his neck.

"Then why's the dang _AC_ sha-cranked?" Lightning asked.

"All the cameras and lights get so hot," Chris explained, "they could melt Chef's heart." He pointed at his assistant with his thumb, and the hulking man gave the single most disturbing 'cheerful' grin and wave that had ever been shown. "And the network told my agent _sweaty_ wasn't a good luck for me," the host added, briefly fanning himself.

"Your first challenge," he said, motioning up to the surfboard, "hang ten this deck into the big blue without swallowing tail in the soup."

"Hey!" Jo barked in outrage. "You wanna _repeat_ that?"

"Umm," Dawn interrupted, putting her hand on her teammate's arm, "I _believe_ he just meant that whoever stays on the board longest wins."

"Exactamundo, groovy cats!" Chris told them. "So? Who's goin' _first_?" DJ and Dawn looked at each other, Scarlett tried to adjust her glasses while she shivered, B looked everywhere but at the host, and finally a cricket chirped from on top a light. A gust of frigid wind froze it solid, and its hind legs snapped off. "The team that wins will get a _half-hour_ head start on the next challenge," the host explained, "aaand _given_ tonight's reward, you should be fighting harder than Alejandro's abs over who gets first shot."

"I'm pretty sure my _boyfriend's_ abs are better," Beth whispered to Beardo. "I haven't seen them yet, but I just _know_ it has to be true."

The camera panned to Alejandro behind the pair who scowled at what he'd overheard. He gave the short girl a light shove with his foot and she stumbled forward a couple steps. Beardo quickly glared at him, and he shrugged. "Oops," he said in an unapologetic tone, "I must've slipped."

"We have a volunteer!" Chris said now that Beth had inadvertently stepped forward. The wannabe quickly looked back over her shoulder, then groaned and hung her head.

/

The surf rock tune briefly played again as Beth was shown hesitantly stepping onto the surfboard. "Well, here goes nothin'!" she said as she assumed an approximately proper surfing position, the Gaffers' logo appearing in the corner of the screen and a sunset appearing on the green screen.

"And, please welcome the return _of_ some season one fan-favorites," Chris announced from behind the pool, "the sharks!"

Immediately, one of the giant freshwater man-eating sharks jumped out and snapped its teeth at Beth. She squeaked and flinched away, and Chris was shown cringing.

xxx

"Getting up there with those sharks was _pretty_ scary let me tell you," Beth told the confessional camera as she fiddled with a few colored bead bracelets on her right wrist. "I mean, what if I had been _eaten_? I can't let that happen when I have so much of my life ahead of me! Especially since I've only spent less than _two days_ with my boyfriend!" She pulled out her picture of Brady and kissed it with a giggle and a snort.

xxx

The footage cut back to show Beth now clinging from one of the supports for the lights hanging above the pool. The shark leaped up again and snapped its jaws in another attempt to grab her, but fell back down with a splash, unsuccessful. "Can someone get me down now?" she asked, still trembling. "I'm pretty sure I'm done!"

"I'm...honestly surprised you managed to jump that high," Alejandro commented, eyes wide with disbelief.

"Hey!" Beth said in minor offense. "I can't just let myself get _swallowed_ by a _shark_, I have a boyfriend to think of!"

"No you don't!" Topher called up to her, cupping his hands around his mouth.

Beardo frowned at him. "Dude, can you just give her a break on that? It ain't _that_ unbelievable that she's datin' a model."

"Hah, _no_," Topher replied in a serious tone. "I know an attention seeker when I see one, and I can't _stand_ people who lie about dating attractive people."

"Since _when_?" Sierra asked in disbelief.

"S-since...none of your business!" the wannabe host stammered, cheeks red with embarrassment.

"Whatever," Beardo rolled his eyes before looking back up at his friend still clinging to the fixture above the pool. He cleared his throat, then announced in a slow and overly dramatic voice "Oh no! A big fat _pig_ has gotten loose! Better hope it doesn't get close to that shark tank, it looks _way_ too delicious for them!" He followed with a loud pig's squeal interspersed with a few crashes and vague shouts.

Two sharks immediately emerged from the water to look around, tongues lolling out of their mouths like hungry dogs. The camera cut back to Beth, who finally lost her grip and fell straight onto Chris, who was distracted watching the sharks.

"Sorry!" Beth groaned, now hidden behind the pool.

"Hey!" the host exclaimed angrily. "Watch where you're _landing_, okay?!"

Beardo rubbed his knuckles on his chest then blew them off with a smirk as the cast members around him laughed.

The camera panned over to Dawn and DJ, the latter of which was frowning. The petite young woman finished her soft giggle at the host's expense and turned a concerned look to her friend. "Still worried?" she asked plainly.

"About the alliance Chef wants to form with me?" the gentle giant answered in a whisper. Dawn nodded once, and he continued. "Totally! How am I supposed to say no to _that_?!" He motioned to his left and the camera quick-panned to follow, showing Chef as he stormed up to the still-searching sharks. He growled viciously, and the two man-eaters yelped and dived back into the pool.

"Don't worry," Dawn told him, "I'm sure it'll work out _somehow_! You're stronger than you think." She placed a hand on his arm and smiled, and he smiled back. The camera pulled back to show Alejandro tilting his head slightly to listen in on their conversation; he looked back forward, and rubbed his chin in thought.

/

The surf tune began again as DJ stepped onto the board, the Grips' symbol appearing in the corner of the screen. He wobbled a bit as he tried to find his balance until a shark jumped out of the water and bit off his swim shorts; he quickly covered his pixellated groin with his hands and jumped down, an expression of fear and embarrassment on his face.

Sammy and Dawn were shown watching nearby, eyes wide and blushing furiously. Sammy cracked a small smile, as did Dawn a second later, as they followed their friend with their eyes.

"The body's a _beautiful_ thing," Chef called out as DJ ran past him, "you don't need a suit!"

/

Sammy was the next to take her turn as the sunset flickered back on to the green screen behind her. Like DJ she struggled to find her balance on the rocking board, which was helped when Chris pushed a button on the control panel and changed the background into a tornado-struck farm. Chef grinned and plugged in the giant fans, which immediately got up to top speed. Soon, a powerful wind was sweeping past Sammy from behind, and not long after the bikini-clad cheerleader was blown off the surfboard, hitting the backdrop with a splat.

/

Next was B, who hesitantly stepped onto the middle of the surfboard from the small platform at the edge of the pool. However, he briefly lost his balance with only one foot on the board, causing it to crack. It snapped entirely when he put his other foot down, collapsing beneath him and dropping the boy into the pool.

His eyes widened when he spotted the pair of sharks leering at him, but he managed to quickly grab the pieces of the surfboard that had fallen in with him and hold them out in front. The camera zoomed in as he braced for impact, and when his body was pushed backward to the wall of the pool the shot zoomed back out to show the sharks' mouths now wedged open by the pieces of the broken board. B quickly scrambled over the lip of the pool and dropped to the ground on his back, panting heavily.

Chris stepped in front of the camera and blew a whistle. "Break time!" he announced. "Union rules!"

"_Finally_," Alejandro muttered in the background.

"I don't mean you, sharkbait!" Chris told him.

/

A classical British tune began as the footage skipped forward. The camera was focused on one of the sharks, now sitting in a chair with a pink towel on its head, sipping a cup of tea. The shot zoomed out to show the other shark sitting nearby, accepting a piece of food from a platter that Chef was holding out. The camera panned up to the fixed surfboard, where Lightning was already in position.

"No sharks?" he said confidently. "Talk about sha-_easy_!" The surf music began again as the uber-jock started his turn on the swaying board, but it quickly ended as Lightning noticed something nearby.

A deeper, more ominous tune played as the camera panned up a minigun turret. When it reached the top, a cartridge of rather bewildered-looking seagulls was fitted into the top of the gun; Chris' gloved hand cocked it, and started the barrel spinning. "I _love_ this _game_!" he exclaimed before opening fire.

Lightning dodged most of the seagull barrage, but when he smiled smugly and opened his mouth to say something, one of the birds was lodged right in. He gagged and spat the bird out, but two more shots – one to the stomach and the other to the shin – caused the overachiever to lose his balance and tumble into the water.

/

"Oh, those poor defenseless gulls!" Dawn said in horror as Jo stepped forward. "You _must_ promise me you won't hurt them."

"Hey, I can't guarantee anything!" Jo told her, ignoring the mystic's frown while she circled around the pool. She paused for a moment, noting the pair of dorsal fins sticking out of the water as the sharks swam around, then shrugged and climbed the ladder on the side of the pool. "You better not expect me to go down as easily as _Lightweight_ did!" she shouted once she'd gotten on to the surfboard.

"Oh, we'll see about _that_," Chris chuckled to himself as he loaded another seagull cartridge onto the gun. He opened fire, and to her credit the jock-ette managed to dodge everything that was shot at her.

xxx

"I must confess," Dawn told the make-up trailer camera, "I'm _proud_ of Jo for overcoming her instinct to attack anything that flies at her like that!"

xxx

Chris frowned in panic. He quickly looked from his gun, which was low on ammunition, to the equipment sitting behind him, and the camera cut back to a smug-faced Jo just before a director's chair was thrown at her.

"Oof!" she said as she caught it. "Hey, you'd better _watch it_, McLean!" she shouted angrily before promptly getting shot in the face with another seagull, losing her balance, and falling into the pool.

One of the sharks immediately lunged at her, but she just scowled and broke the chair she'd caught over its nose, then swam away while it rubbed the injured area.

xxx

"That, however," Dawn said dryly in the confessional, "_probably_ could have been avoided."

xxx

"Finally, we have Alejandro!" Chris announced as the charmer calmly stepped onto the surfboard, adding "Try not to lose that tooth of yours again," as he took aim with the fully-loaded gull gun. Alejandro rolled his eyes and Chris began to fire, but the handsome young man dodged the birds easily, even jumping up and somersaulting in the air.

His gun now completely out of ammunition, the host looked behind him for something else once again. The camera briefly cut back to Alejandro as he dodged a light that was thrown at him, then showed Chris as he frantically looked for something else. The camera panned to the left, showing the other members of the Screaming Gaffers watching their teammate, with Sammy standing closest to the host. He grinned darkly, and she noticed and frowned in confusion.

The camera cut back to Alejandro as his eyes went wide. "Seriously?!" he exclaimed as a screaming Sammy was hurled at him; rather than duck or dodge, he merely caught her in his arms. "No need to worry while _I'm_ around, señorita," he told her in a suave voice, and a Latin riff played in the background when he smiled at her and his gold tooth gleamed.

"And with that," Chris announced as a triumphant tune began to play, "Alejandro secures victory for the Screaming Gaffers."

"Excellent!" the charmer said, jumping down from the surfboard with Sammy still in his arms. He walked back over to their team like that, and Lightning, Beth, and Beardo had already begun cheering for the win.

"Umm, _thanks_," Sammy finally told him, "but could you put me down now?"

"But of course!" Alejandro said with a smile as he set her down with the rest of their team. She immediately looked away uncomfortably and stepped closer to Beth and Beardo.

The focus cut over to DJ, who was watching the scene with a glare on his face. "Man, that guy _better_ not be tryin' to mess with Sammy."

"Oh, I'd say he's doing _more_ than just _trying_," Topher spoke up, walking up beside his teammate. "Judging by the look on her face, I'd say he's _already_ gotten under her skin. It's only a matter of time before she falls for him hook, line, and _sinker_!"

DJ turned his glare to the pretty boy. "Dude, you did _not_ just say that! Sammy _ain't_ gonna fall for Al."

"Think what you want," Topher said with a shrug as he turned his back on the gentle giant, "but man-candy like that is _hard_ to resist."

"Not if the 'man candy' is a slimy dude like Alejandro," DJ countered. "Now quit tryin' to mess with me."

"If you at home like messes," Chris suddenly leaned into the shot to announce, "you'll love what's up _next_!"

"Not _really_ the right 'mess', Chris," Topher told the host.

"Thanks for the _input_, Toph," the host replied in a deadpan tone.

(Fade to Commercial and Back)

"Welcome back to Total Drama Action!" The episode faded back in with a shot of the front gate, the camera panning out and down to show the castmates and host back in their regular attire. "Where against all advice to the contrary, the players have changed _out_ of their bathing suits. Hope you like swimmin' in your jeans," Chris told them, folding his arms.

"Do you _honestly_ expect us to believe that we'll really be going to the beach this time?" Alejandro asked. "I suppose next you'll tell us that the _bus_ is just late?"

As if on cue, a horn was honked and a decrepit-looking school bus drove up.

"You were _saying_?" Chris asked.

xxx

Sierra began her confessional by giggling. "It was pretty _obvious_ that was gonna happen," she explained. "Everybody thinks Chris just likes making things _harder_ for us, but it's more that he loves to do whatever it is we don't expect."

xxx

The scene cut back with Beth standing by the door to the bus in front of her lined-up teammates. "A teal friendship bracelet for Sammy to match her eyes," she said, handing over one of the wrist-full of trinkets she had to the cheerleader, who accepted it with a smile as she boarded the bus. "A multicolored one for Beardo to represent his wide range of sounds," Beth said as her long-time friend stepped forward. The hairy boy accepted the present with a finger pistol and a quick slide whistle into a peacock call, then stepped on to the bus as well.

"And I don't suppose you have one for _me_, do you?" Alejandro asked, stepping forward with a confident smile on his face.

"Nope," Beth said bluntly. "Sorry, but these are for _friends_ first, and you're just a teammate!"

"I see," Alejandro said, his face falling into annoyance as he walked past the short girl.

/

The camera focused on Chris' feet as he stepped out onto sand, the dramatic tune typically reserved for the beginning of an episode starting up as the shot panned up. "Yes campers, we're actually back at your old stomping grounds," he announced as birds called in the background, "Total! Drama! Island!" The shot zoomed out as it usually did when the series' name was said, and the twelve teens were shown standing in their teams by two sectioned-off areas of beach.

"If you need to take a moment and reminisce about the great times you had here," Chris told them, Chef Hatchet standing at his side.

They just laughed.

"Fine," the host said, "we'll _skip_ the good memories montage. Screaming Gaffers," he pointed to his left, "you've got a thirty-minute head start on," a few dramatic beats were played over close-ups of the colorful plastic tools that were in the two makeshift sandboxes, "the Sand Castle Building Contest! To be judged by our resident _King_ o' the Dunes!" A deep drumroll played as Chef placed a tall sand-colored, castle-shaped crown on his head. "Make like prop masters, guys, and give me something _awesome_. I _really_ don't want the tiebreaker to have to go down."

He motioned over his right shoulder with his thumb, and the shot cut over to a trio of logs tied together in a pyramid shape. "I don't think legal's quite approved it yet." The camera panned down the rope, showing a large boulder suspended above a crash test dummy. The rope snapped and the dummy was crushed, then the structure itself collapsed, then a reddish-orange car – its horn the Confederate national anthem and a '01' painted onto the roof – came flying off from the high ground behind the beach and crashed into the pile.

/

"Alright," Scarlett said as she began to address the other five members of her team, "it's important that we take the time to achieve the proper mixture of fine- and coarse-grained sands as well as water. We _need_ a strong building material for this challenge, so grab a bucket and get to work."

The footage flashed forward again, showing Scarlett on her knees smoothing the edge of what looked to be a tower of some sort. She looked back over her shoulder and saw Lightning standing there with a bucket of sand in each hand, and she stood up. "Let's see...," she said as she took one of the buckets and inspected it with her finger, "this seems adequate. Good work," she added as she took the other bucket from him and turned back to her own job.

"What're you _buildin'_ anyway?" Lightning asked, casting an inquisitive glance past the brainiac. The camera panned over to the Gaffers' work area, revealing Beth working on a mound at the base of a tall central tower.

"Right now," Scarlett answered, "we're just working on the main structure. There'll be other buildings and a proper defensive wall once the center is complete."

Lightning looked at it, shrugged, and left just as Beardo walked up with a sand bucket of his own.

"This the right mix you wanted?" he asked as Scarlett set the buckets she'd gotten from Lightning down. He offered his bucket to her, and she gave it a prod with her finger and nodded. "Cool," Beardo said. "Oh, and by the way, Sammy said she was gonna go get some more _buckets_ and stuff."

"Understood," the brainiac said plainly. "I don't know if we'll need them, but more tools won't hurt."

/

The scene flashed over to Sammy, who was holding a stack of three metal buckets as she walked through the woods towards the beach. She spotted the Grips idling around by their designated construction area and lingered half -hidden behind a tree as she watched DJ and Dawn.

xxx

Sammy sighed. "I really thought I would have had more chances to do things with DJ as a _couple_ by now," she told the confessional camera. "But ever since we were put on different teams, I've barely even had time to _talk_ to him! Maybe I should try harder? I don't want to just drift _apart_ from him now that we're finally trying to be _together_."

xxx

/

"Three, two," Chris counted down, his free hand in the air and his eyes on his watch. Instead of calling out 'one', Chef blew a few notes on a trumpet. "Thank you Chef!" Chris said as the two watched over the Gaffers, all but Sammy now working on a ring of five towers surrounding the central one. "Screaming Gaffers, your thirty-minute lead is _over_, so," he walked to the other team, "Grips, dudes, get castlin'."

Jo immediately blew on her whistle. "Alright, let's get moving! You three," she tossed buckets to Sierra, DJ, and Topher, "get started on the sand and water! You," she looked at Dawn, "find something we can use for flags and other decorations, and you," she turned to B, but he was already walking away from her with his hands in his coat pockets. "Hey," Jo exclaimed, "where do you think _you're_ going?! Get back here!"

She tried to take a step forward but was held back by Dawn. "Don't worry,' she said, "I sense that B has a plan. It's probably best that we leave him be, he _is_ a genius after all."

"Fine," the jock-ette said, "so long as he's _quick_ about it. For now, the rest of us need to get started so Mr. _Genius_ has something to work with!"

xxx

"I'll admit, I was counting on B's creative skills to score us the _win_," Jo told the confessional camera. "As much as I hate to say it, I can't do everything. And besides, letting the others do things like this is supposed to be good for _teamwork_ or something."

xxx

As Jo grabbed a bucket and left to gather sand too, the camera moved to follow Dawn as she began to comb the beach with a bucket of her own.

"Hmm...," she said, squatting down in front of a few sea shells. "Oh! This one should be quite lovely!" She smiled, and picked up a large conical shell and placed it in her bucket.

/

"Well then," Scarlett said with a proud smile as she finished sculpting part of the sand with a shovel and wiped the sweat from her brow, "_this_ should be sufficient to win us the challenge."

The camera pulled back to reveal a three-tiered castle – the central tower, the ring of five more around it, and a thick and high wall around that. It was highly detailed, possessing windows and balconies, crenelations and arches. There was even a drawbridge lowered over a currently-empty moat. An awestruck tune played as the camera paned across the other Gaffers' faces, all five looking highly impressed with the work of sand-based architecture they had produced.

/

"Darn it, where _is_ he?" Jo grumbled as she and the rest of her team worked on a very crude-looking structure that only vaguely resembled a castle. On her hands and knees, she patted what appeared to be an attempt at a domed roof only for it to collapse and cause her to growl in frustration.

"Aww man!" DJ said. "That was actually lookin' pretty good! Now we have to start that wing all over!"

"Don't _remind_ me," the jock-ette muttered.

"Pause that action, campers," Topher said suddenly with an excited look on his face, "looks like our ace has _returned_!"

The camera quick-panned to the right to show B walking towards them with a smirk on his face and a large cardboard box in his hands. He dropped it just outside the Grips' work space and opened it up for the others to see.

"..._Newspapers_?!" Jo said in disbelief as the silent genius started tearing the papers into strips and putting them into a bucket. "This is a _sand castle_ building contest, how's _this_ supposed to help?"

Sierra was shown looking thoughtful for a second before smiling and snapping her fingers. "I get it! It's a _prop_ sand castle building contest, it doesn't _have_ to be real! With these papers and some hairspray or something, we can just use paper mache!" B looked up from his papers and gave her a thumbs up.

A smile slowly formed on Jo's face. "Good work, Silent Treatment! I'm sorry for doubting you!" B nodded, and took an aerosol can out of his box, shaking it up before spraying it into the bucket of strips. "Alright, people," the jock-ette barked to the rest of the team, "back to work! We have a _prop_ to build!"

The footage skipped forward to show the six Grips standing around their creation. Rather than basing their castle around a central tower, B had opted for a longer, narrower, and blockier design – it was all one building, with a large front arch leading into a central courtyard surrounded by high walls, with the main bulk of the castle at the far end. Furthermore, he had built it on top of a hill of sand, and had incorporated the shells Dawn had collected into the spire roofs.

"Ooh," Sierra gushed, "it looks _just_ like some of the pictures my Grandparents showed me of some castles in Germany!"

"I gotta agree," Jo added, "it's pretty impressive for a paper mache sand castle! It needs a _name_ though."

"Ooh, how about the 'Palace of the Sea Shells'?" Dawn suggested.

"Or maybe 'Grip Castle'?" DJ said.

"_Obviously_," Topher said, "we should call it 'Casa dos Paper Mache'!"

"Umm, _no_," Sierra countered. "it's a _German_ castle, so it needs a _German_ name. Ooh! Like Paper Machestein Castle!"

B smirked and gave her a thumbs up, and Jo rubbed her chin and nodded. "Yeah, I guess that works," the jock-ette said. "Let's go with that." DJ and Dawn nodded in acceptance, but Topher just crossed his arms and frowned.

/

The shot zoomed out to show both teams, the camera panning right and focusing in on the Gaffers as they tried to deal with a number of seagulls that had taken up residence in and around their castle.

"Shoo! Shoo! Get away!" Scarlett hissed as she and the rest of her team tried and failed to scare the birds away by flailing their arms.

"Please," Alejandro pleaded nervously, "surely you must have somewhere _else_ to go?" None of the gulls acknowledged him or the others.

"Hey, you want me to try somethin' a little _louder_?" Beardo asked.

"No," Scarlett told him. "Anything loud enough to scare them away may also compromise the structure. We need to get them to leave _without_-" Promptly and without warning, the flock of gulls took off – and in doing so, caused the Gaffers' castle to collapse. "-compromising the build...," Scarlett finished with a groan as a cloud of sand and feathers settled to the ground.

The scene cut back to Chris and Chef, the larger man pointing at the Gaffers and thumbing over his shoulder with a glare.

"We _have_ a _winner_!" Chris announced as a triumphant tune began to play. "B and the Killer Grips' clever prop, Paper Machestein Castle!"

As the winning team celebrated, the camera quick-panned over to the Gaffers who were hanging their heads in disappointment. "Aww," Beth said, "I knew I should have used my friendship bracelets to hold up the towers!"

"Which _means_," Chris said forcefully, casting an annoyed look to his left as the camera cut back to him, "we need a _new_ tiebreaker!" His face fell into a scowl. "And I was hoping for the evening _off_. Instead," he grinned again, "gather ye some wood, campers, for a fire of the _bon_ variety."

/

The scene changed to the woods, where Sammy was gathering sticks up off the ground when DJ walked up to her with a smile on his face.

"Yo, Sammy!" he called as a sweet and light tune began in the background. "How's it hangin'? Feels like it's been _ages_ since we spent time together."

The cheerleader stood up and smiled. "Yeah, I know. How's it going with your team?"

The brickhouse shrugged. "Jo's been bossin' us around as usual, and Topher an' Sierra spend half the time arguin'. If it weren't for Dawn and B, I don't know _what_ I'd do."

Sammy giggled. "Yeah, same here. It's a good thing Beth and Beardo are so nice, since Lightning keeps giving me cold looks and Scarlett is kind of...I don't know, weird I guess? Like, she's good at keeping us _organized_ and stuff, but it's hard to tell what she's thinking sometimes."

DJ nodded. "Right, right. And what about Alejandro? I noticed him hangin' around you earlier."

Sammy hung her head and sighed. "Yeah, he's been trying to _flirt_ with me or something, it's getting kind of annoying. I mean, I'm not gonna form an alliance with him or anything, and I'm _definitely_ not interested in dating him."

"Yeah, I _figured_ it was somethin' like that," DJ told her. "Honestly, that dude needs to learn how to be straight with people. He ain't gonna make it too far if he keeps doin' the same things as _last_ season, y'know?"

"Yeah, I know, right?" Sammy giggled. "So, wanna keep looking for firewood together? I mean, it's not like this is still part of the _challenge_ or anything," she suggested with a shy smile.

"Jo probably won't like it," he began hesitantly, "but I'd love to!" DJ have her a smile of his own before reaching out to take her hand, and they walked off together.

The background music took a slightly ominous tone as the camera panned over to show Alejandro watching with raised brow from behind a nearby tree.

/

The footage skipped ahead to night, a full moon high in the sky as the castmates and Chris stood on the beach. The host clapped his hands, and the firepit and assorted torches burst into flame.

"What the heck?" Jo barked in a disgruntled tone. "Why did you make us go collect _firewood_?!"

"I needed some alone time," Chris answered bluntly. "You think these hands manicure themselves?" He held out a hand towards the jock-ette, who just snorted. "Which brings us to the tiebreaking challenge!" The surf music started again as he held his hand out in front of the camera. "A watusi-twist-mashed potato dorky old school _dance contest_!" he announced while sampling a variety of those and similar dance styles. "Teams! Choose your _best_ boogier for battle!"

The music ended as Alejandro immediately spun on his heel and slid forward. "I think _I_ should handle this one," he said.

"Anybody gonna step up to the plate?" Jo asked of her team as they looked at each other with varying degrees of uncertainty and hesitation.

"Why not DJ?" Chef suggested from his spot next to Chris. "I think it's about time he showed everyone what kinda _man_ he really is!" He nodded knowingly at the gentle giant.

"Uhh, sure, why not?" DJ said with a shrug, quickly losing his hesitation as he stepped forward.

The footage flashed forward to a close-up of a stereo on a table; Chris pressed a button on it and a surf rock song began to play. DJ and Alejandro approached one another nearby and stood face-to-face.

"I hope you're ready to be humiliated," the charmer taunted with a light chuckle.

"I can take whatever you _got_, dude," the brickhouse countered with a smirk.

The two young men backed up, and began to dance. Both immediately showed themselves to be talented, Alejandro's slightly exotic styles more than matched by DJ's more contemporary moves and grace. As they swayed and spun, thrusted and swung, the two dancers circled around each other, focused only on their opponent.

The camera quickly panned across the Killer Grips, who seemed to be genuinely impressed by their teammate.

xxx

"Impressive moves from the guy," Topher said in the confessional. "Nothing I couldn't have done _myself_ of course, given my better looks and style, but pretty good all the same!"

xxx

"Watching DJ enjoy himself out there was _wonderful_," Dawn said in her own confessional. "True, it would have been better if _Chef_ hadn't been the one to suggest it, but either way, I can already tell that DJ's happier for doing it."

xxx

The two stopped circling each other, and the camera focused on them as they danced separately – first DJ, and then Alejandro.

"Rock that groove, dude!" Lightning cheered, and most of the other Gaffers seemed like they were getting into it as well.

"You can do it!" Beth added happily.

Alejandro quickly flashed a smile at his teammates as he continued to dance, then noticed that Sammy's eyes were focused far more on DJ than on him and frowned.

xxx

"I believe there may be a little something _more_ going on between DJ and Samey than mere friendship," he told the confessional camera. "Interesting, and something I should keep in mind while I try to get her on my _side_, but the interest that _Chef_ has taken in DJ recently worries me _more_."

xxx

As Alejandro and DJ kept dancing, the camera focused in on Chris and Chef. "Man," the host said, "they're pretty _even_. Gonna be tough to pick a winner here."

"Hmmph," the hulking man grunted. He scowled and looked down, noticing a decently-sized rock at his feet. "Dang _pretty boys_...," he mumbled as he lightly kicked the rock over towards Alejandro was showing off his moves.

"You say somethin'?" Chris asked, briefly turning his head to look away from the dancers just as the rock landed right by the charmer's feet. As focused on his dancing as he was, Alejandro noticed too late – he was in mid-spin, and couldn't help but trip.

The music came to a stop as his chin hit the ground hard, and his gold tooth popped out of his mouth. "Dude, get up already!" Lightning told him. "You're gonna lose the _challenge_!"

"My tooth!" Alejandro said, his new-found panic causing him to ignore the others as he scrambled to pick his false tooth up from the sandy beach. He quickly brushed it off with his fingers and tried to fit it back in, but as he worked on his knees the viewpoint changed to show Chris looming over him with a frown on his face.

"_What_ are you _doing_?!" he asked the boy with a look of minor disgust.

"I tripped!" Alejandro hectically explained. "Just give me a moment, _please_!"

"You _had_ your moment, Twinkletooth!" Jo heckled.

"It's not like I can't _go on_," Alejandro argued as he got to his feet and looked at the rock he'd tripped over. "This rock just, I don't know, came out of _nowhere_!"

xxx

"I wasn't lying," he told the camera in the make-up trailer. "A dancer must _always_ be aware of his environment, and I'm _certain_ I didn't see that rock there before. Someone must have sabotaged me!"

xxx

"Yeah, it's too _late_ for that," Chris said. "And since DJ _didn't_ mess up, he and the Killer Grips are the winners!" As victorious music began to play, he added "And your reward...," the camera pulled out to show the entire cast, "the greatest beach party _ever_ pitched!"

The Grips began to cheer, and DJ caught Sammy's eye. She motioned for them to meet up a little ways away before walking off and DJ followed, ignoring a brief scowl from Jo.

Chef was shown watching them leave with a smile on his face, which turned dark when he briefly met DJ's gaze and gave the boy a knowing nod. The gentle giant smiled nervously before hurrying off, and the shot zoomed out to show Alejandro watching with a suspicious expression.

/

The scene changed to the woods as the two reunited, Sammy smiling happily but DJ looking distracted. "You're a really good dancer," the nice twin opened as they drew close to one another. "I bet you're pretty happy you beat Alejandro."

"Uhh, yeah," DJ said, quickly looking back over his shoulder before smiling nervously. "Although if he hadn't tripped just then, who _knows_ what woulda gone down."

Sammy frowned. "Well, I guess...although why would it matter, it's not like it's _your_ fault he messed up."

"R-right," DJ told her, "totally. It was just an accident."

"...you don't think someone _cheated_, do you?" the cheerleader asked, her brow furrowed.

"I...," he began before pausing to take a deep, calming breath. "I honestly don't know. But I'm gonna try to find out. If I win, I want it to be because I _deserve_ to."

Sammy smiled and nodded. "Yeah. Umm, I guess we should probably get back to the _others_, we've been gone for a little while..."

"Yeah, Jo ain't gonna be happy that I'm talkin' to you," DJ said, "but that ain't gonna stop me." He smiled, she giggled, and they leaned in for a quick kiss.

/

The footage skipped ahead, a hip-hop tune playing on the stereo as the camera panned down to the now-partying Grips, DJ included. A pan left took the focus to the Gaffers, disappointment and envy on their faces, as they waited in a group near Chris.

"If the losing team could just follow me to the bus," he said, motioning with one hand before walking off down the beach. The six Gaffers followed unhappily – first Lightning, then Scarlett, then Beth and Beardo, then Alejandro who looked back at Sammy, who in turn gave one last look back at the Grips before following after her team.

/

As most of the Grips were enjoying the buffet that had been provided for them, DJ and Dawn danced together nearby. They were soon approached by Topher, who had a cocky smirk on his face.

"Let _me_ show you how it's done," he said before launching into a dance routine of his own. His style wasn't quite like either of the two who had battled earlier, and he easily managed to gain the attention of their teammates.

"Hah!" Jo laughed. "What, were you in some kind of _boy band_ or something?"

"Hey!" Topher replied in offense as he continued to dance. "I'll have you know this is a _very_ cool dance style."

"Pfft," Sierra scoffed, "only for _boy bands_. And you're _not_ as good as Chris."

"Oh _really_," Topher said, stopping his dance to walk towards his rival.

"Yeah," Sierra replied, "_really_!"

As the two began to argue off-screen, the other Grips watched awkwardly and Jo sighed and palmed her face.

/

The scene switched to the area in front of the cast trailers back at the film lot as the decrepit old bus drove up and dropped off the Gaffers – Lightning, Scarlett, Sammy, Beardo, and Beth all exited without a word and seemed to head straight for their beds, but Alejandro lingered just on the final step before the bus door.

"Get movin', kid," Chef growled from the driver's seat, "I don't wanna miss that party."

"Actually," Alejandro said, "I believe it's time you and I had a little _chat_." He crossed his arms and gave the hulking man a serious look.

Chef rolled his eyes. "Fine, but make it quick."

"I know you interfered with today's challenge," Alejandro said with a bluntness that caused Chef's eyes to widen. "Not only that, but I know you have some kind of _deal_ with DJ."

"I-I got no idea what you're talkin' bout, kid," Chef said as his eyes darted around nervously.

"Clearly," the arch-villain countered, "you _do_. And I don't like it, Chef. Do I need to remind you of the trouble you're _already_ in?" He smiled grimly, his gold tooth visible in the dim light of the bus.

Chef's face fell into a sneer. "_Fine_. I get it, so just tell me what you want already."

"I'm glad you understand," Alejandro replied. "And my proposal is simple: you stop helping _DJ_ and start helping _me_, and I'll drop my lawsuit against you. Deal?" He extended his hand and looked at the older man expectantly.

"_Fine_," Chef growled again as he gruffly shook the arch-villain's hand.

"Excellent," Alejandro told him as he broke the shake and turned to exit the bus at last. "Oh, but don't expect to get a cut of the _money_ when I _win_," he added just before Chef closed the doors behind him. The cook growled furiously but drove off, leaving Alejandro to laugh to himself.

An ominous tune played as he walked away and the camera slowly panned to left, revealing Scarlett hiding behind a bush with a suspicious look on her face.

xxx

"With things as they are now," Alejandro said in the confessional, "it's only natural that I make use of whatever – and _who_ever – I can in order to win. Scarlett might think she's already beaten me, but she'll learn _never_ to underestimate Alejandro Burromuerto."

The footage seemed to pause, and the viewpoint cut back to show Chris watching the confessional feed from his control room as the music turned ominous again. "Wow," the host said, "not _really_ sure what he meant by that, but the dude seems just as crafty and good-looking as ever. Maybe we're related?" He paused to laugh. "Hah! He _wishes_!"

"Ah, no I do not," Alejandro replied on the make-up trailer feed, which had been unpaused at some point while Chris had been speaking.

The host cringed and pressed a button on his keyboard, cutting the confessional feed off entirely. "Poor delusional guy could never even _swim_ in my gene pool," he told the camera. "More importantly, tune in _next time_ to watch more _me_!" He laughed again. "Aaand a few minutes of Alejandro...," he stood up so that his head was no longer in the shot, "on Total! Drama! _Action_!" He immediately walked off, saying "Which one of you _geniuses_ left the two-way mic on?"

(Fade to Black)

* * *

**Author's Note - Post Script**

Admittedly not the most original of chapters, particularly the first two challenges and how they were won. Still, I hope that the dance-off and ending make up for it. I really don't know anything about dancing, so I decided not to directly describe the tiebreaker; likewise, I really have no idea how good of a dancer DJ is in canon, so hopefully him going toe-to-toe against Alejandro and eventually winning isn't too unrealistic.

Also, B's castle design is based off of Neuschwanstein Castle in Germany. Just, you know, in case you want a better idea of what it looks like. Scarlett's design is just something I came up with on my own.

I can't think of anything else I want to note right now, so until next week!

\- Fangren

* * *

**Appendix: TSA Eliminated Contestants**

Geoff - (Tied for 14th Place)

Bridgette - (Tied for 14th Place)

Shawn - (13th Place)


	5. Chapter 5 - 3:10 to Scandaltown

**Author's Note**

I'll come out and say it: I haven't quite finished the next chapter yet. The Aftermath format turned out not to be an easy one to figure out with my usual pacing, so I ended up having to slow down. Fortunately, all I have left is the final interview as well as the couple minutes worth of content after that, so I should easily finish it on Saturday.

I had originally considered just delaying this chapter until then, but I realized that since I had set aside Saturdays as a buffer day anyway, there was no reason I couldn't release this chapter on time and just finish up Chapter 6 tomorrow without having to worry about releasing a chapter as well. Looks like my revised schedule works!

Anywho, on to the reviews.

**bruno14:** I'm glad you like the dynamics between DJ, Sammy, and Alejandro that are going on right now. Also, that scene between Sierra and Topher that you mentioned was mostly just something to show that they do know each other pretty well, though that's not to say it has no meaning outside of that.

**acosta perez jose ramiro:** Good to know DJ isn't a terrible dancer at least. And I really didn't choose them for the dance-off because of their races, it was because I figured Alejandro (being Alejandro) would be a good dancer, and DJ would make a good opponent based on how things were developing at the time.

**Cole D. soul:** Scarlett dancing like Leshawna...yeah, that is pretty funny.

**Zak Saturday:** Not much else to say but thanks for liking the chapter and such!

**FOWLKON:** ...Well, you'll just have to read on and see if your suspicions are confirmed!

**ashDanLand:** Thanks! I hope you like this chapter too.

**I. M. Poik:** Yeah, the World Tour songs are one of my biggest worries since I'm gonna have to rewrite most of them from the ground up. That's actually one of the reasons I changed the schedule, so that I would have time to do so in advance - I've only finished the songs for the first three episodes right now, though. I may end up skipping around since I haven't finalized the elimination order yet, much less most of the plotlines that the songs would need to make use of.

**Madison Wooten:** Thanks as always!

**Identification:** Thanks for letting me know you like how I'm writing those characters!

**IfJesusWasACriminalMastermind:** Hey, glad you liked it! And yeah, DJ's alliance with Chef is one of the things I went into this season knowing I wanted to tinker with. And honestly, I'm liking how it's turning out, and I'm glad other people are too.

**80jj:** Yeah, I know. I like to think DJ left Bunny with his Momma during the short break between seasons, though I don't know if I'll get around to mentioning it in-story.

**Ddynamo:** Oh yes, I already have some rather interesting ideas for most of those characters you listed. And yeah, I made certain that the twins and Katie/Sadie appeared in the same season since it doesn't really make sense to have them sign-up separately. Actually, as memory serves in the original randomization, they did get split up - into the same two seasons (Island being one of them, of course). I'll admit I then made the call to put the twins in Island over Katie and Sadie, since I figured it would be more interesting this way.

**JinxQueen:** Yup, and thanks for the review!

**ultrablud2:** Let's see...regarding Alejandro, trying to seduce girls is one of his main strategies, although I understand that not everyone likes it. And as for Topher...well, as this is still only Chris' second season as host of Total Drama, Topher isn't quite willing to try to take over. Not to say he doesn't have his eyes out for weaknesses, though.

**dynorex37:** That so? Honestly, it seems like such a minor thing so I'm not at all upset or concerned about it.

**spader13:** Yeah, you're right about reward challenges, and I'm glad you liked the first one of the season, as well as how the challenge ended. As for the other stuff...well, you'll just have to wait and see how things turn out!

**Knifez:** Well, to be honest I don't exactly know what you mean by the thing that worries you, but hopefully I'll manage to surprise you anyway. I'm glad you liked the challenge, though. For the stuff with Alejandro...yeah, I probably could have come up with something else for Alejandro's loss, but I wanted it to be caused by Chef and that was honestly the first idea I came up with that I liked. The alliance with Chef...well, it was an obvious thing to do, and I'll stand by my decisions regarding it. Other than that...well, as I said, I hope you're surprised by some things, and continue to enjoy my work!

**Star Saber21:** Yeah, that's why I gave that role to B - he was the most natural fit. Thanks for the review!

**Ali6132:** Thanks! Always good to hear from new reviewers, especially ones that have just gotten caught up on the story.

And that's that, now on to those remaining in the game (not like it's changed since last week):

Screaming Gaffers \- Scarlett, Lightning, Beth, Alejandro, Sammy, Beardo

Killer Grips \- Jo, DJ, Dawn, B, Sierra, Topher

It's time for the show to begin!

\- Fangren

* * *

**Episode 5 – 3:10 to Scandaltown**

"People have always been drawn to the beauty of the sea," Chris began as the shot opened up on the distant hilly shore of some unnamed body of water, the sun risen but not quite high in the sky. The shot faded into a close-up of a beach laden with dried up shells and starfish, a pine forest visible in the distance; another fade took the scene to a seagull resting peacefully on top of a buoy. The peaceful background music that had been playing shifted into a deeper, more threateningly ominous tune reminiscent of certain shark-based monster movies as a dorsal fin cut through the water in front of the buoy, startling the gull into flight.

The music came to a head, and Chris McLean broke the surface with a chuckle, the fake fin strapped to his head. "But that's not where we were last time!" A flash signaled the start of the recap, with Sammy's attempt at the previous episode's surfing challenge up first. "Samey's surfing adventure turned _trailer park_ when a twister ruined her fun," the gentle giant's failed attempt was shown next, "and DJ was stripped bare. Heheh huhuh, nice _pecs_, dude!"

"Alejandro's _smooth moves_ led the Gaffers to win the first challenge," the host said as the charmer was shown dodging seagulls, then catching Sammy when she was thrown at him. "Meanwhile, Jo took charge of the Grips," the jock-ette was shown blowing her whistle and giving out orders during the second challenge, "and told DJ and Dawn to stay away from the other team. Not that DJ _listened_," the host chuckled over a clip of the gentle giant and his friend-turned-girlfriend walking together in the woods.

"Though the 'Casa dos Scarlett' _was_ cool," Chris admitted over a shot of the Gaffers attempting to scare a flock of gulls away from their sand creation, "the next challenge went to the Grips, thanks to B's paper mache skills." The silent genius and his teammates were shown looking proudly at their 'Paper Machestein Castle'.

The recap footage flashed forward to show DJ and Alejandro standing face-to-face. "Tied at _one_ apiece," Chris said, "the Grips were crowned the _Watusi winners_ when Alejandro tripped and lost his tooth, and DJ kept _groovin'_," the Grips were shown cheering, the charmer was shown turning and stumbling over a rock with his tooth flying out when he hit the ground, and the brickhouse was shown dancing in a close-up.

"...scoring them a Hawaiian-style luau," the host said as the recap footage ended to show him walking throw the film lot's beach set. "With only _twelve_ left," he continued as the camera quickly flashed between different shots of him walking along the beach, "which team will get the upper hand? Find out next, on Total!" The footage cut to a distance-shot of the host standing by the cast trailers. "Drama! _Action_!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be...famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be...famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

The episode proper opened up on a shot of the sun before the camera panned down and to the right, landing on Dawn and Sammy sitting curled up on a bench under a purple-and-white parasol, mouths hanging open as they panted and looked generally uncomfortable. Another pan showed Beth sitting on the steps of the girls' trailer beneath the canopy, with Beardo slumped down on the ground next to her; like Sammy and Dawn, they were panting heavily.

The camera panned over again just as Lightning leaned out the window of the guys' trailer. "Sha-dang _sun_," he grumbled, "who told you you could be so sha-hot?!" He groaned again, flopped forward, and slid out of the window entirely.

xxx

"Lightning ain't a _stranger_ to playin' in the heat," the uber-jock explained in the make-up confessional, dripping with sweat, "but that don't mean he _likes_ it! This place needs a _water boy_ to help keep Lightning cool!"

xxx

Jo, also sweating heavily in her usual clothes, slumped past and shot a disparaging look at the fallen athlete. "Seriously?" she panted. "It's not _that_ hot out, I mean, I ran my usual 3k this morning no problem!"

"It wasn't this _hot_ this mornin'!" Lightning countered as he rolled over onto his back. "You go do a 3k run _now_ and see how far you get."

Jo stood there a moment, breathing heavily. "Fine," she grunted, "but only because it's too _hot_ to think of a reply."

The shot zoomed out, showing DJ squatting in what looked to be a kiddie pool and B lying on his back underneath his voluminous coat, which had been set up as a makeshift sunblock.

A few sniffs preluded a cut over to Sierra, who was sitting by a bush under a tree. "Uggh, I better not be getting sick, I _hate_ summer colds," she grumbled, sniffing a few more times before sneezing.

"Eww, keep your germs to yourself!" Topher said, having been walking past just as his rival sneezed. "I don't wanna catch whatever _sickness_ you have."

"Hey," Sierra said in offense, "I'm not _sick_! It's probably just allergies or something!" She sneezed again.

"Since when were _you_ allergic to anything besides caribou dander and good taste?" Topher asked, cringing in disgust from the second sneeze.

"You t-take...that...," Sierra tried to say before she sneezed again.

xxx

Sierra began her confessional by pulling a tissue from a box she'd brought with her and blowing her nose. "Uggh...not only is it _hot_ out, but now I'm sick _and_ I still have to be around stinking _Topher_."

xxx

"You'd never catch _me_ getting sick on camera," Topher told the confessional camera. "I guess I'm a lot like _Chris_ in that regard. Hopefully we can get rid of Sierra before she infects the _rest_ of us."

xxx

The scene cut to the craft services tent, where Alejandro was standing just inside the entrance with Chef. He chugged down a glass of milk, then wiped his mouth on his arm and smiled. "Refreshing! Thanks again, Chef," he said in a smug tone.

"Yeah, yeah," Chef Hatchet muttered as he watched the charmer walk away. "Darn kid, wastin' the good dairy...," he muttered under his breath before turning back towards the kitchen.

"Excuse me, Chef Hatchet?" came a voice from behind him, causing the large man to whip around angrily.

"Now what the heck do _you_ want?" he demanded of Scarlett, who was standing calmly with her hands behind her back in the entrance to the tent.

"I'll get straight to the point," the brainiac said in a business-like tone as she stepped in, eyes locked onto Chef's. "I'm aware of the deal you've made with Alejandro, as well as the deal you previously made with DJ." The anger on Chef's face was rapidly replaced by shock and a small amount of fear. "Needless to say, I think I can interest you in a more..._advantageous_ arrangement."

Chef scowled, then turned around and stormed back towards the kitchen. "Yeah, yeah, come on in already...honestly, what's the dang point of a secret alliance if everyone knows about it?!"

Scarlett smirked, and followed after him at a calmer pace.

xxx

"Obviously," the brainiac explained in the make-up trailer, "I can't allow Alejandro to have _any_ advantage over me. As much as I will relish the day I get to _crush_ him beneath my heel, he _does_ have his uses – and I need to ensure those uses benefit _me_."

xxx

A single chanted word began a Western tune as Chris stepped in front of the camera. Only his face was visible; he was squinting, had a toothpick sticking out of his mouth, and seemed to be wearing a cowboy hat. He cocked the hammer of a revolver and fired a shot into the air, startling DJ, causing Lightning to bolt upright, and earning a cry from Beth as she held her hands over her ears.

"Chris!" Beth shouted in annoyance.

"Jeez, dude, what was _that_ for?!" Lightning added.

"Take it easy," Chris told them, a revolver in each hand, "guns are loaded with _blanks_." He blew the smoke off one directly into the uber-jock's face, then spun them on his fingers and holstered them. "Least I'm pretty sure _one_ of 'em is." He laughed, then broke into a cowboy drawl as he walked into the center of the common area. "Since there's no beatin' the heat, we're goin' _west_ this week! There's a town meetin' at high noon! Be there, or I'll drive ya deadbeats _outta town_!"\

"Dude, if there weren't a million _bucks_ on the line, I'd say you had a _deal_," DJ said.

xxx

"Ever since the last challenge," the gentle giant told the confessional camera, "Chef hasn't said a _word_ to me! Not that I _mind_," he added nervously, "it's just kinda weird since I thought he wanted to force me into some kinda _alliance_ with him."

xxx

The scene cut to a close-up of a silver pocket watch in Chris' hand, the minute hand rapidly ticking up to high noon. The host lowered the watch and the camera panned down from the glaring sun to the western set as a tumbleweed blew through the road; it spontaneously incinerated the moment it came to a stop. The footage flashed to the Grips, panting and fanning themselves in the heat as Sierra walked past B, DJ, and Jo. She sneezed rather violently into her hands, the force causing her to jump off the ground and mildly alarm her teammates.

"Listen up, pardners!" Chris said, getting their attention as he closed his watch and stowed it in a pocket. "In any good Western there are heroes, outlaws, horses, and pretty dames." As he walked, the camera zoomed out to show the castmates had assembled in front of a building and a ladder leading up some sort of tower. "The hero defeats the outlaw, then rides off into the sunset on the horse."

He stopped in front of Beth, who immediately spoke up. "What about the pretty dame?" she asked expectantly.

"None of your beeswax!" the host answered in a harsh tone that shocked Beth, before laughing and rubbing the girl's head. "Just messin' with ya! They usually hang out in the saloon during the bar brawl."

"Only if they're _weak_," Jo said. "_This_ pretty dame would be right there in the middle of the _brawl_."

"Uh, since when are _you_ pretty?" Topher asked laughingly. Jo scowled, grabbed him by the collar, and threw him into a nearby horse trough.

"_Don't_ insult me, Begging-to-be-_Thrown_-pher," Jo shot back.

"_Enough_ with the comedy routine!" Chris interrupted, waving his guns in the air. "All eyes on _me_!" He shot twice before continuing. "Time for your first challenge! No cowboy worth spittin' at would go _one_ day without saddle practice," he said while spinning and holstering his guns. "Time to _saddle up_!"

The scene cut to an old and fly-ridden brown horse drinking from a metal bucket. It let out a long, loud fart, and just when it seemed to have stopped it let out another quick toot.

"That's the best _steed_ we could _afford_?!" Chris asked irately, looking over to Chef who was working an adding machine in a nearby building.

"You want a _five-star hotel_, and champagne, and caviar for breakfast, hmm?" The hulking man said through the open window. "I gotta cut _somewhere_!"

Chris grinned. "It's _perfect_! Don't change a _thing_!"

xxx

"I _love_ horsies!" Beth gushed in the confessional. "Beardo does the _greatest_ impression of one, it's almost like the real thing! Without the _smell_ though."

xxx

"I've always wanted to ride a horse," DJ told the camera, "but Momma never let me when we went to the petting zoo; she didn't want me fallin' off and breakin' somethin'. Plus, you never know _what_ you're gonna step in."

xxx

"Riding a horse?" Alejandro said in the confessional. "No sweat! My cousin Miguel owns a ranch, so I have _plenty_ of equestrian experience. Never ridden off into a _sunset_, though," he added with a thoughtful look.

xxx

"This is sha-_easy_," Lightning boasted as he walked up to the side of the horse.

"Not so fast," Chris interrupted, the shot cutting back to show the entire group. "You cowboys and cowbabes are gonna have to mount the steed from up _there_," he said as the camera zoomed out slightly to show the railing around the water tower a nearby ladder led up to. "Not there," the host corrected, "waaaaaay up there!" The shot zoomed out once again, showing another ladder reaching up to a diving board suspended high above the set.

"Since the Grips won _last_ week they go first," he announced as DJ and B shared a nervous look. "Don't _worry_," Chris told them, "our unpaid interns have _assured us_ it's safe." He gave a small nod to his right, and the footage flashed back to Chef Hatchet standing on top of the diving board, stomping on the hands of a light-skinned person hanging to the edge of the board, the majority of their body off-screen.

"No! NO! AAAAAAHHH!" the intern hollered as he was forced to drop, landing with a distinct crashing sound.

"Looks safe to me," Chef said with an impish smile and a light chuckle.

/

The footage flashed back to the present, the camera focusing on the Grips, Chris, and the horse that was now standing on a red bull's eye, though still drinking contentedly.

"Hey," Jo said, "if we _won_ last week, why do _we_ have to go first?"

"Because I said so!" the host answered. "And I'm your host," he turned to the camera as a short game show-esque jingle played, "Chris McLean."

"Yeah, yeah, it's not like we've already been through a _season_ with you or anything," Jo grumbled as she approached the ladder, looked up, then looked at the horse. "_Tricky_," she said with a rub of her chin, "but not enough to stop me from doing it. In fact," she smirked as she looked back at her teammates, "the rest of you should take note of my _technique_."

"Hey," DJ shrugged, "long as you make it without _hurtin'_ nobody."

"Good luck," Sierra told her with a sniff.

"Thanks," the jock-ette said. "Not like I _need_ it, but still."

She cracked her knuckles, and an ominous tune played as the camera looked up at the diving board from below. "Well here goes nothin'," she said confidently before stepping towards the ladder.

"And so the challenge begins," Topher narrated excitedly. "Will Jo start us off strong, or will she fail to perform?"

"Would you _stop that_?" the jock-ette yelled as she began to climb.

The camera looked up at the swaying ladder before flashing forward to jock-ette pulling herself up to the top. She looked over the edge and raised her eyebrows, lingering for a moment before steeling herself. "Jeez, what am I even _doing_? That horse isn't gonna _move_, I don't need to _time_ it." She stood up, looked down at the horse again, and jumped. A grin formed on her face as the camera watched her fall from below.

xxx

"What can I say?" Jo said, giving the confessional camera a cocky look. "I gotta put in a good _example_ for my team to follow. They might actually be _scared_ of hitting the ground or something!"

xxx

The viewpoint shifted to looking down on the young woman as she fell towards the oblivious horse in the center of the bull's eye. B, Dawn, and DJ were shown watching in horror, the brickhouse's eyes even clenched shut. A thud sounded as the scene cut to a close-up of the horse, which widened its eyes and whinnied at the impact.

The camera pulled out, revealing that Jo had successfully landed on the aged steed. "Umm, are you okay?" Sierra asked hesitantly as the shot focused on the jock-ette face; she looked to have been dazed, but quickly shook it off.

"Yeah," Jo answered as she dismounted the horse. "The landing's a little _hard_, but nothing I can't handle. Nothing the _rest_ of you can't handle either," she added as she walked over to her team.

Chris laughed from just off-screen. "That was _awesome_, Jo!" The view pulled back to show the entire cast, the Gaffers' logo appearing above them on the right. "Grips: 1; Gaffers, you're up!"

Scarlett frowned. "I suppose I'll be jumping, then?" she asked to no one in particular. "A drawback to my leadership of the team, but at least I wasn't the _first_ one to demonstrate this challenge." She walked off, leaving the rest of the Gaffers to watch in awkward silence.

"Good luck!" Beth called out to her.

"Thank you," Scarlett answered plainly as she began to climb the ladder, "but I don't need it. My knowledge of physics should suffice to aim me towards the goal position."

The footage flashed ahead to show the brainiac standing on the diving board, looking down below and muttering to herself. "Gravitational acceleration...wind resistance...terminal velocity...momentum..." She nodded, and took a step to her right. "Initial position is set, and as long as there aren't any strong crosswinds I should land on target."

She took a breath and jumped, the camera watching her fall from above before cutting to a close-up of her face. A strong gust of wind suddenly blew against her face, causing her to cringe and close her eyes. "Of course...," she muttered as the viewpoint moved above her, showing her getting blown off-course towards the fence around the landing area.

Beth and Beardo winced as a crash was heard, and the camera cut to Scarlett folded over a fence and groaning.

"_Yeesh_, glad it wasn't me!" Chris said after the redhead slumped forward onto the ground. "Grips: 1; Gaffers: Zip! B, you're up!"

/

The footage immediately skipped ahead to the young man in mid-fall; despite the nervous look on his face he managed to spread his coat to form a makeshift parachute that slowed his descent. As his imposing shadow fell on the ground, the horse looked up; the camera showed it's point-of-view, showing that B's silhouette looked almost like a predatory bird large enough to nearly block out the sun. The horse panicked and backed up, and B landed on his feet right where the horse had been with an annoyed look on his face.

He smiled, though, when Dawn landed on the horse's back a moment later.

"Good job sticking that landing, Dawn," Chris told her as he walked up. "B, not so much."

"Sorry, B," the mystic told her teammate. "I hope you have better luck next time!" The boy gave her a conciliatory nod.

"Grips: 2; Gaffers: Zilch!" the host announced.

/

"Girl, you better hurry up," Lightning said, standing on the diving board with a nervous-looking Sammy. "Lightning don't wanna have to wait all day before he scores a point for his team!"

"Well, it's both of our team, really," Sammy told him as she looked over the edge of the board. "And I'll do it, I just wanna, y'know, get _ready_ for it..."

"Pfft, I bet Amy woulda jumped already," Lightning scoffed. "She _is_ the better twin."

"_Actually_," Sammy replied in an annoyed tone, "Amy probably would have just _pushed_ me off and then tried to use me to cushion her own landing."

"Huh, sounds like a good idea," the uber-jock said.

"Wait, what?" the cheerleader said, looking back just before Lightning shoved her forward. She screamed and flailed her arms as the camera followed her fall, cutting away to show her teammates wincing before showing that she'd landed.

"Oh em gee, I-" she began to cheer before stopping abruptly and looking up. "Oh crap!" she said, her eyes going wide before she launched herself away from the horse. She landed on her chest and coughed as she got back on to her hands and knees.

"Aww man," Lightning said as the camera panned over to show him sitting on the horse, "looks like Lightning wasn't sha-quick enough! Oh well, at least he scored a couple of points."

Sammy looked at him and sighed.

xxx

"I was beginning to think that I had finally gotten _away_ from my sister," she said in the make-up trailer. "But I guess _Lightning's_ figured out how to make her happy when she isn't around." She sighed sadly.

xxx

The footage skipped ahead again, showing DJ crying as he fell. Zooming out, the gentle giant was revealed to be holding what may have been a pair of old-fashioned woman's underwear above his head like a parachute. As he neared the horse, the wind picked up and blew him back up and away; his screams and cries were heard even as the camera focused on Chris and the Grips watching.

"Not the _electrical wires_!" DJ shrieked just before a buzzing sound and some flickering lights came from off-camera.

"Oh no!" Dawn exclaimed as B and Jo winced; the petite girl dashed off shortly after.

"Hey Chris, are you gonna send someone to help him?" Sierra asked with a sniffle.

The smiling host began to laugh, but the footage was paused and the camera pulled out from one of the monitors in the control room; Chris was sitting at a desk in the foreground with a piece of paper in his hands and a serious look on his face. "We here at Total Drama Action," he read in an extremely stilted manner, "care about the health, and welfare, of our...," he raised the paper in front of his face, "competitors. Furthermore," he peeked back out at the camera, "no animals were hurt in the making of this show."

/

Alejandro was next, standing at the top of the diving platform with a confident smile on his face. "Here I come, mi caballo amigo!" He closed his eyes, and jumped. The camera briefly watched from above as he fell before moving back level with him as he positioned himself to land on the horse.

The camera panned down just as the steed looked up from its bucket and turned it head to the barn behind it. A sudden crash startled it and it looked back to see Alejandro, who had missed his mark and landed on the bucket instead.

He groaned and slapped his forehead as he flailed his leg trying to get himself unstuck.

/

The horse was drinking from the now slightly-bent bucket when the scene skipped ahead again. "Gosh, I hope we don't hurt it when we land!" Beth said as she looked down at the target area with Beardo.

"It's already handled four other people," Beardo said, "I think it'll be fine. I'm more worried about _us_ gettin' hurt."

"Oh yeah," Beth said, nervously putting a finger to her lip. "Well, I guess it's now or never!" She took a deep breath and jumped off, shocking Beardo. The hairy boy made the sound of an air raid siren before jumping off as well, and the camera showed the two friends rapidly descending from below.

Beth landed with a stunned look, and began to clap excitedly before her friend landed on the ground in front of the horse a second later. "Are you okay?" the glasses-wearer asked in concern, getting only a pained groan from Beardo.

"Alright!" Chris announced as the camera pulled out to show the teams and their logos again. "The Gaffers now lead the Grips three to two! It's up to you two to break the tie!" he told Sierra and Topher as he stepped closer to them. "Who wants to take one for the Grips?"

Topher chuckled. "Ladies first," he said, motioning for Sierra to step forward.

Sierra pursed her lips. "Oh no," she said before pausing to sneeze, "I _insist_!" She grabbed her rival by the wrist and forced him closer to the ladder. They both soon found themselves at the ladder, and glared at each other before grabbing it at the same time.

/

"Why is it that you _always_ have your midriff bared?" Topher asked in annoyance as he and Sierra climbed opposite sides of the ladder. "I mean seriously, nobody wants to _see_ it!"

"Oh, and I suppose that people want to see your _pathetic _imitation of Chris?" Sierra shot back before climbing on up.

Topher frowned, then continued on to the top of the ladder. "My wardrobe's not an _imitation_," he said, "it's merely been _inspired_ by Chris. What's _wrong_ with wanting to dress like him?"

"Nothing," Sierra told him as they walked towards the edge of the platform. "It's the person _wearing_ the clothes that's the problem." She grinned and stepped behind him, then shoved him off the platform. Before he fell, though, Topher grabbed Sierra by the wrist and took her with him.

They were shown falling and screaming from below, but when the camera cut to the horse their screams ended abruptly before they reappeared on-screen.

"Where did they-" Jo began to ask in confusion as the camera panned over to the other four Grips before B tugged on her arm and pointed up at the roof of the nearby barn.

"Not there," Chris said as the shot zoomed out to show him and the Gaffers, "_waaaay_ up there!" The shot slightly zoomed out again, revealing that Sierra and Topher had gotten caught by their pants on a weather vane on top of the barn.

"This is all _your_ fault," Topher spat just before his pants began to tear. "Uh-oh..." His rival's eyes went wide as the pretty boy finally fell with a scream; the camera panned down just as he landed on the horse backwards.

His stunned look rapidly faded into a grin. "Oh yeah," he said with a cocky grin, pointing his thumbs at his chest, "you can't keep _this guy_ held up!" He then dismounted the horse, turning his back towards the camera and showing his pixelated bare butt to the world.

Chris laughed. "Haha, yeah, looks like you really showed _us_," he said. "And by us, I mean the _entire viewing audience_! You've still got a lot to learn, dude," he said as Topher turned around and blushed in embarrassment. "Anywho, looks like you managed to tie things up at three a piece!" He began to walk towards the right, and the castmates slowly began to follow him. "To the next challenge, for the tiebreaker, cowpokes!"

The camera panned up as they left, stopping at Sierra who still hung from the weather vane. "Umm, guys?" she asked loudly. "Somebody's gonna come get me down, right?" She sneezed.

(Fade to Commercial and Back)

A hollow whistle opened into a short Western tune as the scene faded into a shot of the two teams, the camera placed on the ground and at an angle. A tumbleweed rolled past and Chris stepped in front of the camera, only his legs visible until it panned up and around to his face. "The hallmark of any good Western is the quick-draw cowboy showdown!" he said after adjusting his hat. The shot cut to the unimpressed castmates, and Chris started walking past while continuing his talk. "Captains will pick their strongest cowpoke to compete in what will _likely _be," a few deep drum notes were played as he stepped between Alejandro and Jo and put his hands on their shoulders, "a FIGHT to the DEATH!" He laughed, the two on either side of him looked briefly surprised, then frowned and walked away, and a cellphone began to ring.

"Yello?" the host answered immediately upon taking his phone out; a faint voice was heard on the other end, but it was impossible to tell exactly what it was saying. "Uh-huh. I see. Fine." He ended the call with a beep.

"Our lawyers have informed me that you may shoot until someone is _mildly injured_," he announced, "or cries like a little baby. But a fight to the death is _strictly_ prohibited. Time to pick your cowboys!"

xxx

"A _duel_, eh?" Jo said in the confessional, rubbing her chin thoughtfully before grinning at the camera. "Now _this_ sounds like my kinda thing. And the best part is, I already _know_ who the best cowpoke on my team is, it's _me_!"

xxx

"Well McLean," the jock-ette said as she stood with her team, "as acting captain since zombie boy's elimination, I pick _myself_ for this challenge."

"Pfft, _that _ain't surprisin'," DJ said, rolling his eyes and snickering with Dawn. Jo gave him a sharp look, and he quickly added "Uh, not that I have a _problem_ with it or anything." His eyes briefly darted over at Chef, who was leaning against a nearby building; the larger man seemed to be fixated on his fingernails more than anything else just then.

The camera quick-panned back to the Grips. "Good," Jo said with her hands on her hips. "If I thought any of the rest of you could do it I _may_ have considered it, but I think I already proved I can shoot last season."

"Okay then!" Chris said suddenly, turning his head to the other team. "And Gaffers?" The camera panned over to Scarlett, who seemed to be deep in thought.

xxx

"For reasons I don't feel the need to explain right now," she explained in the confessional, taking a careful tone, "I'd like to administer a..._test_, of sorts, regarding Alejandro. I need to reassess his value to me, as well as confirm a number of suspicions I have about the others."

xxx

"I pick _Alejandro_ as the Screaming Gaffers' representative," Scarlett informed the host, adjusting her glasses slightly before folding her arms behind her back.

"I'd be _happy_ to win the challenge for us!" the charmer said, stepping forward and smiling at his recently-designated opponent.

"Wait, you're pickin' _him_ over sha-_Lightning_?" the uber-jock protested. "C'mon, Lightning's got _way_ better reflexes!"

"Perhaps," Scarlett said, "or perhaps not. I have my reasons, Lightning, and as team captain you'll just have to accept them."

Lightning just crossed his arms, pouted, and looked away.

/

The footage flashed, showing Alejandro and Jo standing in the middle of the Western set's street wearing identical cowboy hats. Each had a small yellowish water pistol in their hands that they were looking at, Chris stood between them, and the rest of their teams were lined up along the walls of the buildings in the background.

"Okay, here's how this is gonna work," the host explained. "In true showdown fashion you'll both begin _here_, and will start shooting each other on my signal. The challenge _ends_ when one of you is completely soaked. Just like in the movies, you can make use of whatever is around you, and _also_ like the movies, your teammates aren't allowed to get involved except by cheering you two on. This is a _duel_, so everyone else should just stand on the sidelines and watch, got it?"

He narrowed his eyes at the eight teens who hadn't been picked to compete, and although their were a few raised eyebrows none of them said anything. "Good. Now, it's up to the shooters to reload their weapons if they get empty, but," he chuckled, "good luck finding time to _do_ that. Especially with the few, uh, _surprises_ that have been placed around the area."

Jo and Alejandro's brows immediately shot up.

xxx

"_Surprises_?!" Alejandro said, smacking his forehead in disbelief. "_Please_ tell me that doesn't mean what I _think_ it means."

xxx

"Hey, after _last_ season, I can handle a few measly _explosions_," Jo began before becoming somewhat thoughtful. "Although it might be a good idea to watch where I step anyway, y'know, just in case."

xxx

"Any last questions before we begin?" Chris asked as the two team representatives holstered their pistols. Twelve hands immediately shot up. "None? Okay then! In the event of a tie, Chef and I will determine the winner. Yo, Chef!"

The hulking man walked into the scene from the right as a dreamy harp tune played in the background. He was wearing an old-fashioned pink whalebone dress with matching bonnet and fan; the material was translucent, and he was noticeably wearing nothing but a pair of white briefs under it. He scowled at the host, then began to gently fan himself.

"Love the dress," Chris said with a snarky smile, "it really suits your, uh, _figure_!" His eyes briefly looked down and he started laughing.

Chef scowled and growled, and the footage flashed forward to show him tightening the final knot in a rope that had thoroughly tied the host to a support post of one of the buildings. "Maybe when I _change_ I'll come back and _untie_ you," Chef said angrily before picking up the bottom of his dress and walking away.

"I can't feel my _arms_," Chris whined as he wiggled in his bonds. He sighed. "Cowboys at the ready," he said, and Jo and Alejandro tensed up and locked eyes. The camera briefly switched to letterbox format as it showed the view between each contestant's legs, fingers twitching just inches from their weapons.

The wind whistled, and a Western theme began to play. "DRAW!"

At the host's signal, the two cowpokes grabbed their pistols and fired. The water was surprisingly pressurized and powerful considering the size of the weapon, but it was still going to take several direct shots before either contestant was drenched. A split screen formed to track the movement of the first two shots until they passed by each other. Jo's brow rose as she quickly ducked, before smirking over at her opponent. Alejandro's eye went wide as both he and the camera looked down at his shirt, which now had a very distinct wet patch.

"Don't think this is _over_," Alejandro said as he narrowed his eyes and charged, resuming fire moments later.

Jo saw him coming and rolled to the left, taking cover behind a barrel. "Never said I _did_, Pecos Al!" she said, sticking her head up and shooting again; she quickly ducked behind it again as a stream of water crashed against the top of it. She stuck her head up again, panic on her face as she felt her hair, which was now dripping wet.

"Crap!" she exclaimed, running from the barrel to one of the storefronts just as Alejandro ran up with an angry look on his face.

The camera cut over to the Gaffers on the sidelines. "Despite Jo getting the first hit," Topher said excitedly, "Alejandro's not out yet! It's gonna take a _lot_ more than a barrel to stay dry in _this_ challenge!"

"Haha, you have _no idea_," Chris said as he wriggled his arms free of his bonds.

A flash took the scene back to Jo as she burst through an open doorway out to the area behind the building facade she'd just passed through. "Uggh, _figures_," she muttered as she quickly looked around and ran off to her right – in the direction of what looked like an actual building.

"Get back here and duel me!" Alejandro yelled as he ran through the doorway soon after. He looked around and saw Jo ramming her shoulder up against a door on the back of the nearby building.

"I _am_ dueling you, Wild Al Hickock! Haven't you ever watched a movie before?" Jo shouted back, firing off a shot that missed Alejandro before turning her attention back to the door. With another mighty slam she forced it open and fell forward, narrowly missing an eruption of water from a cannon-like device inside. "What the?!" she exclaimed with wide eyes as she got back to her feet and looked back over her shoulder just as she was shot in the back.

Only a puddle of water on the floor remained of the surprise blast, and Alejandro stepped back into sight looking only slightly less shocked at what had happened moments earlier than his opponent. "Surprises _indeed_," he said as he shook some of the water off his left arm.

/

"Man, where the heck did they _go_?" Lightning asked in annoyance. "Lightning wants to watch the challenge!"

"Maybe we can go try and find them?" Beth suggested.

"Good idea, little girl!" Lightning told her, his face lighting up before he ran off.

Beth's brow furrowed. "Hey, I'm not _little_!" she said before she and the other Gaffers followed their teammate. The passed by the Grips who looked at each other, shrugged, and followed after, but DJ was forcibly held back when a familiar arm reached out from the shadows of the building behind him.

"Chef?!" the brickhouse exclaimed in a whisper before the larger man, back in his usual clothes, shushed him.

"Listen up, DJ," Chef told him, "don't think for a second that I'm done with you, cause I ain't. _I'm_ gonna get you toughened up, _you're_ gonna give me half the prize money when you win," he grabbed the younger man by the shirt and held him up close, face to face, "and there ain't _nothin'_ you can say to change that." DJ whimpered, and was let go. "Now meet me after the _award ceremony_ later on so I can finally get _started_." Chef turned and walked away, leaving a visibly upset DJ to whimper again.

/

The shot cut to the front of a building labeled 'BANK' just as the sidelined castmates ran up the street to it. Suddenly, Jo and Alejandro burst through the building's windows, diving away from a massive explosion of water behind them. The force blew them out into the street, and they rolled to the ground in a pair of fairly wet heaps.

As their teammates watched, the two slowly got back to their feet. Though both were wet, neither was completely soaked, and at any rate neither Chris nor Chef were in sight to judge. Alejandro was the first to pull the trigger of his gun, but to his surprise nothing came out.

"Hah!" Jo barked with laughter as she quickly got up and shot her foe in the stomach. "Out of _ammo_, Gold-Tooth Al?"

Alejandro growled. "Stop calling me _Al_!" He quickly spotted a water trough near where his teammates were standing and ran over to it; Jo tried to fire at him again only to realize her pistol had gone dry as well. The Western music that had been playing since the start of the challenge faded into a more traditional hectic tune as the two cowpokes raced towards the trough, and their teammates began to cheer them on.

"Oh yeah, I forgot _Al_ doesn't like being called _Al_!" Jo said gleefully. "Too bad, 'cause _Al_ really suits him – small and disappointing, just like all the _shots_ he's fired!"

"Shut up!" Alejandro said angrily, whipping around and ramming into Jo with his shoulder. The jock-ette was knocked back and to the ground, and with a vicious grin Alejandro darted over to the trough and knelt down at one end of it. "I will _not_ allow you to distract me by using that name!"

"Oh really?" Jo said as she got back on her feet, her rival now refilling his pistol. "Would you prefer Alejan-_drip_?" she mockingly asked as she walked towards him; the only response she got was an annoyed grunt. "How about Alejan-_drenched_!" she added, the camera lingering on a shot of her looming over her long-time rival before she grabbed him by the belt and threw him into the trough with a splash.

A triumphant tune began as the charming villain thrashed in the water briefly then propped himself up on his hands and kness, completely soaked and thoroughly defeated. Jo threw her own wettened cowboy hat up in the air in celebration, and her teammates soon began to cheer as well.

Chris approached the group, and the noise died down. "A great ending to a great challenge!" he announced with a grin. "The _Grips_ are the _winners_!" The cheering resumed again, even louder than ever.

"Oh, no!" Alejandro groaned as he got back on his feet.

"Dude, how could you let that happen?!" Lightning said. "Shoulda let _Lightning_ be the shooter, no way _he_ woulda lost."

"Regardless," Scarlett spoke up, "we've lost the challenge in a fairly _disappointing_ manner."

xxx

"As if _Lightning_ would have done better," Alejandro protested in the confessional trailer. "He's _much_ easier to trick than I am! Had Jo not distracted me with that...," he shuddered briefly, "..._name_, then I would have _won_!" He slammed his fist down angrily on the counter.

xxx

"You Gaffers are _losers_," Chris said, standing between Jo and a small fire. "And you know what happens to losers?" He pulled something out of the fire that turned out to be an L-shaped branding iron, red hot and sizzling. "Which Gaffer wants to take the heat?"

At once, five of the Gaffers stepped back, leaving only Alejandro to look on with panicked eyes. "You aren't _serious_, are you?"

xxx

"Poor Alejandro," Topher said in the confessional, shaking his head sadly. "He was doing so _well_, but he let Jo get under his skin." He shrugged. "Sorry to say it, but I'm glad I'm not _him_ right now."

xxx

Chris plunged the branding iron into a barrel of water with a hiss, then frowned and crossed his arms behind his back. "Legal says branding's out," he announced, smiling once again. "Guess I have to settle for booting one of the Gaffers off in the most exciting Gilded Chris ceremony _ev-er_!" He danced as he made the announcement, with pelvic thrusts aplenty. "Now, go shower, most of you _stink_!" The castmates began to walk off to the right, and the host waved a hand in front of his face. "Peee-yyyyewwww!"

/

A shot of Topher washing his hair was shown, the camera pulling back to show him in a barrel, then panning right to show B, Sierra, Jo, Beardo, Beth, Sammy, and Alejandro waiting in line wearing nothing but bath towels.

"Make way for the _Lightning_!" the uber-jock said as he strolled into view, pushing Alejandro aside and earning a glare from the charmer. "You too, loser twin!" he added as he casually shoved Sammy to the ground and took the spot in line ahead of her.

The cheerleader sighed in frustration before Alejandro offered his hand to her. "Thanks," she murmured flatly as he helped her to her feet.

"It's really no problem," he told her with a smile, pulling her close to his bare chest. "You know," he added in a low, conspiratorial tone, "I would be _more_ than happy to help you eliminate Lightning. It's about time he got the _boot_, don't you think?"

"Umm..._maybe_," Sammy stammered with a faint blush as she quickly pushed herself away from Alejandro, "but I-"

"Of course," Alejandro continued, "we _will_ need a few more votes to make sure he leaves, but I'm certain we can convince the others."

"R-right...," Sammy muttered awkwardly.

xxx

"As much as I don't like Lightning," the nice twin explained in the confessional, back in her regular clothes, "I was kinda thinking of voting for _Alejandro_ tonight since he's been making me kind of uncomfortable. Oh, and I'm pretty sure everyone else is gonna vote for him too. But I don't really know how to break it to him, it's always been _Amy_ who turns down the guys who are interested in me."

xxx

The scene cut over to behind the building facades where DJ sat with his head in his hands on a barrel while Dawn stood next to him, a hand on his shoulder.

"And so he told me to meet him after the award ceremony tonight!" the gentle giant said. "And he seems like he'd be pretty _mad_ if I didn't turn up! And since _Shawn's_ already gone because of me, and the reward from last time...I don't think I could handle knowin' I was makin' the team _lose_, Dawn."

Dawn was silent for a moment, before closing her eyes and nodding. "You truly do have a kind spirit, DJ," she said. "You've always put the ones you care about before yourself, but because of this you've become critical of of your own actions – perhaps _too_ critical."

"What do you mean?" DJ asked in confusion.

"You aren't at fault for what Chef has done," Dawn explained. "_Chef_ is. You said it yourself, _he_ decided to give us the loss in the acting challenge, and _he_ decided to interfere in the dance-off. You didn't _ask_ him to do those things, and it's quite clear that you never _wanted_ him to."

"Maybe," DJ said uncertainly, "but I can't help feelin' that I've been doin' _wrong_ ever since Chef first pulled me aside. But how am I supposed to make things right?"

"I'm afraid all I can think of is being honest with everyone by exposing Chef," Dawn told him.

DJ scoffed. "Yeah, that's what my Momma woulda said too. But Momma never had to worry about an angry Chef taking revenge on her and her teammates!" The brickhouse slumped and sighed. "Maybe if I drop outta the competition, Chef will leave the others alone, and Momma will be proud."

"No!" Dawn said quickly. "No. Please, I don't want you to leave because of this. And...I don't think Sammy would, either. You must understand that _Chef_ is the problem, not you. The solution lies in changing _him_. We must find a way to get him to _cease_ his actions towards you."

"Well how am I supposed to do that?" DJ asked. "I don't think Chef's gonna give up until I become the man he wants me to be, and I don't think I got it in me."

"Then _don't_," Dawn told him with a smile. "Be the man you _already are_, DJ. The sweet, honest, and compassionate man that your Momma is proud of, and that I-" she paused suddenly, and turned her face away to hide her blush from DJ's perplexed look. She coughed into her hand, then turned back to her friend. "Sorry. As I was saying, be the man that I have _always_ seen you to be. If Chef sees that..."

"...then maybe he'll lay up!" DJ finished, a wide smile forming on his face. "Thanks, Dawn, you've been a lot of help!" He leaned over to kiss her on the cheek, and looked away before she blushed again. "I don't know if it'll work," he said as he stood up, "but at least it's worth a try!"

Dawn smiled happily, and nodded.

/

The standard introduction for the Gilded Chris ceremony was played, with all the accompanying fanfare. When it ended, the scene cut to the six Screaming Gaffers as they voted from the stands – Sammy, Alejandro, and Lightning in the front row; Beardo, Beth, and Scarlett behind them.

"The votes have been cast!" Chris announced, the electronic beeps of the voting devices stopping as the camera switched to his close-up as a quiet but deep note was struck in the background music. "If you get a Gilded Chris, it means you're safe, _for now_." Another deep yet soft beat played as the host looked to the side and Chef walked up, wearing a black suit coat over his usual clothes and carrying five awards. "What happened to your dress?" Chris asked mockingly, earning an 'I'm watching you' gesture from his hulking assistant.

He frowned and turned his attention back to the castmates. "And the Gilded Chris goes to...," the shot moved to the mostly-anxious campers, "Beardo and Beth!" The two friends smiled; the hairy boy pumped his fist and made a short trumpeting sound and the short girl clapped excitedly and squealed as they each caught their awards.

"Scarlett," Chris called out, and the brainiac was shown catching the thrown prize with a self-assured smile on her face. Another deep beat began a tenser string of music as the camera panned across the front row. "Samey," Chris said, and the cheerleader smiled as she received her award. "And last but not least..." A single high note hung in the air as Alejandro and Lightning were shown watching the stage nervously.

"STOP!" a sudden voice exclaimed, and the camera cut to show DJ and Dawn standing on the left side of the amphitheater stage. "Sorry for interruptin' the Gilded Chris ceremony, but I got somethin' I need to get off my chest."

Chef chuckled nervously, eyes darting around as he walked over to the boy. "DJ, why don't you and I have a _chat_ before you do somethin' you'll regret _later_," he said in a low voice.

"No, Chef!" DJ cried. "You wanted me to be tough, so I'm _bein'_ tough, by standin' up to you!" He took a breath and faced the Gaffers. "Chef's been tryin' to make an illegal alliance with me," he announced, earning gasps from all but two members of the losing team. "He made the Grips lose the acting challenge to threaten me, and then cheated in the dance-off so I would win. He even told me during today's challenge to meet him later tonight!"

"WHAT?!" Alejandro exclaimed in outrage, even standing from his seat. Chef nervously looked over at the handsome boy, and began to sweat under the glare he was receiving.

"I'm sorry for not tellin' y'all this sooner, but it ends _tonight_." He turned back to Chef and got up face-to-face with the older man. "I wanna win this in an _honest_ way, so Momma will be proud of me, and that means not lettin' you bully me into cheating! And if you can't accept that, then too bad 'cause I'm _done_ bein' afraid of you."

He folded his arms and looked away, and silence filled the air for a brief moment before the host spoke up. "Umm, are you _finished_ yet?" Chris asked, more annoyed than anything else. "Because I still have one more Gilded Chris to give out," he waggled the award he was holding, "y'know, for the _show_?"

"Oh, right, sorry," DJ said sheepishly, stepping aside to stand by a beaming Dawn.

Chris gave an exasperated sigh. "Finally. Now as I was saying, the final Gilded Chris goes to...," he resumed his usual grin as the tense music began again and the camera focused on the bottom two – Lightning still looked shocked at what had just happened, while Alejandro had yet to drop his glare.

"Lightning!" The uber-jock stood up to catch his award, a grin forming on his face. "Boo-yah! Score another one for sha-_Lightning_!"

"Very well," Alejandro said softly, finally closing his eyes. He walked forward towards the stage, and as he did a Latin riff opened into a dark and ominous tune not quite like anything used in the show before. "In that case," he stopped in front of the stage and looked straight at Chef Hatchet once again, the camera focusing on his narrowed eyes and showing the fire that seemed to dance within them, "I have an announcement to make as well."

Chef's eyes bugged out, and he quickly looked towards the audience – the viewpoint shifted to his as the camera focused past the shocked castmates to Scarlett, who was alone in looking elsewhere. She appeared to be smiling at something she held in her hands, but with Lightning still standing in front of her it was impossible to tell what she was doing.

"You see," Alejandro said, "I was _quite_ aware of the deal that Chef and DJ were making." All of the other castmates that were present gasped, except Scarlett. "Naturally, I decided to put an end to it by promising to drop all charges related to this," eyes still locked on Chef Hatchet, he emphatically pointed at his gold tooth, "so long as he helped me instead. However, as DJ has been so _kind_ as to reveal that Chef was planning on betraying me, I see no reason to keep up _my_ end of the bargain either. Expect a call from my lawyers _very soon_." With nothing left to say, he turned and walked down the red carpet.

"Oh yeah," Chris said slowly, brow raised in shock, "I almost forgot about that. This might not be-"

A cellphone began to ring in Chris' pocket.

"-_good_." The host took his phone out and held it up to his ear. "Yello?" The voice on the other end began immediately, and though it's words couldn't be made out it's anger could. Chris gulped, and became more and more nervous as the conversation continued. "Uh-huh. Uh-huh. I see. Yeah. Okay, I'll tell him." A beep ended the call, and he silently stowed the phone away.

He took a deep, shuddering breath before turning to the nervous man beside him. "That was the producers," he said in a trembling voice. "Seems they're _pretty_ mad about all the illegal alliances you've been making, and they wanna have a nice, long, _talk_ with you."

"Uh, exactly how long of a talk is it gonna be?" Chef asked with a nervous smile.

Chris brow creased and his face fell into an unamused frown. "Yeah, you're not gonna be back for _a while_." Chef's eyes went even wider, and he squeaked. "Hate to say it, buddy," Chris told him with what seemed to be concern, "but you're gonna have to ride the Lame-o-sine with Alejandro tonight."

Chef hung his head.

/

The scene cut to the end of the red carpet where Alejandro was waiting, leaning against the idling limo with his arms crossed.

"What took you so long?" he asked angrily, the camera panning left to show Chris and Chef approaching. "The door should have been opened for me when I got here!"

"Yeah, change of plans, dude," Chris told him with a frown. "You're gonna be riding with _Chef_ tonight!"

"What?!" Alejandro said in shock. He stepped aside as Chris opened the limo door; Chef Hatchet flashed a scowl at the eliminated boy before climbing in, then the host shoved Alejandro in after and slammed the door shut.

He sighed as the limousine sped off.

/

A flash took the scene back to the amphitheater stage as Chris walked back onto it. DJ and Dawn were still standing off to the side, and the remaining members of the Screaming Gaffers were still in the stands. The usual post-elimination background music began to play, as appropriately sad yet reverent as always.

"Well now," Chris said, "it seems that _I_ no longer have an assistant, and you _kids_ no longer have someone to cook for you. Fortunately, I've already figured out how to solve one of those problems. DJ!" he turned to the gentle giant, who flinched in surprise. "Since _you_ got us into this mess, _you_ get to be the new chef! You now have the privilege of cooking and serving three meals a day for the cast until Chef comes back." His face fell into a serious scowl before he continued. "Just don't expect to be _compensated_ for this. You still have to compete in challenges, and I'm sure as _heck_ not gonna be paying you. This is supposed to be a _pun-ish-ment_!"

DJ hung his head, but smiled when he looked over to see that Dawn had taken his hand. "I'm sure you'll be a wonderful cook," she whispered. The camera zoomed out to show them on the stage, then cut over to a close-up of Sammy, who frowned and furrowed her brow.

"Well, that's all for this week!" Chris said, the camera quickly cutting back to him as he forced a grin. "Chef might not be here anymore, but the show must go on! See you all next time, on Total! Drama! _Action_!"

(Fade to Credits)

/

/

/

**[Bonus Clip]**

Alejandro and Chef Hatchet sat at opposite ends of the seat, arms crossed as they determinedly looked away from each other.

"This is _your_ fault, you know," Alejandro finally said. "If you hadn't _punched_ me last season, none of this would have happened."

"And if _you_ had just manned up and taken the first punch like you were _supposed_ to," Chef shot back, "the _second_ punch never woulda gone down!"

"And risk damaging my face, are you out of your _mind_?" Alejandro said, turning his head to the other man with an expression of disbelief. "I'm lucky I made it out as well as I did! At least I can still _charm_ most people."

"Not your teammates, though," Chef told him, finally turning away from the window to snicker at the boy. "All of _them_ voted for you, even wimpy girl!"

Alejandro frowned for a moment, then looked back out his window. "Honestly, I'm not too surprised. Samey never _did_ agree to talk to the others with me. Though I suppose it's almost _flattering_ that she and the others recognize me as the threat I am. I cannot _truly_ blame them for wanting to eliminate someone with my skills and cunning, I'd have done the same in their position eventually."

Chef scoffed. "Don't forget, kid, that you also lost the challenge today. I guess they figured they didn't need annoyin' little baby _Al_ on their team."

"Hey, you take that back!" Alejandro exclaimed in outrage.

Chef laughed. "You're _way_ too easy, kid," he said, wiping away a tear as Alejandro scowled and looked away again.

* * *

**Author's Note - Post Script**

And with that ends the first 'quarter' of Action's main plot - I consider the Aftermaths to be recap/interlude episodes, and the space between them to be the four main parts of the story.

I imagine there's gonna be several people annoyed/disappointed that Alejandro's gone so soon, especially after Bridgette and Shawn have been eliminated. It was a decision I made before switching Shawn's elimination, and I think it would have been better received had I not moved Shawn up as it would mean last season's final three _weren't_ all gone before the first Aftermath.

However...Alejandro's elimination in this episode was something I deemed necessary for the changes I was making to the DJ-Chef subplot. Basically, I wanted DJ to end up in the kitchen but not in the same circumstances as in canon, which led me to decide to try getting Chef temporarily out of the picture so DJ would be forced to take his place. This, in turn, meant that I needed to set up Chef's 'elimination' by this episode. As the revelation of their illegal alliance wasn't met with the reaction from the producers I desired, I figured that revealing the deal he'd been forced into by Alejandro would be enough especially as Chef would already be on thinner ice than canon due to the punching incident last season. That, in turn, required me to put Alejandro into a position where he felt it best to reveal his deal, meaning that 1) he would have to be out of the game, and 2) he had a concrete reason to betray Chef, in this case thinking that Chef had already betrayed him. Thus, the ending to this episode was conceived.

I, err, hope that was understandable to everyone.

Oh, and I hope everyone liked what I did with the tiebreaker! That and the episode's title, as '3:10 to Crazytown' really didn't fit what this episode is about.

Also, before anyone asks, I deliberately did not include the full conversation between Scarlett and Chef. The reasons why will become clear with time.

That's all I can think of for now, so until next time!

\- Fangren

* * *

**Appendix: TSA Eliminated Contestants**

Geoff - (Tied for 14th Place)

Bridgette - (Tied for 14th Place)

Shawn - (13th Place)

Alejandro - (12th Place)


	6. Chapter 6 - The Aftermath I: Winner Lose

**Author's Note**

Welcome once again, dear readers! Not much to say right now other than a happy late birthday to reviewer IfJesusWasACriminalMastermind, so I'll dive right into the review responses.

**The Beautiful Kayla Storm:** Thanks!

**JinxQueen:** Double thanks! And yeah, averting DJ's exact canon fate was one of the main reasons why I ended up ending the illegal alliance subplot early. I'm also looking forward to exploring some of the things that may or may not happen due to Chef's current absence.

**FOWLKON:** Your eyes do not deceive! And as always, writing Topher and Sierra's rivalry has been pretty fun.

**80jj:** Well, I'm quite happy you enjoyed the last chapter so much. You'll have to wait to find out the answers to your questions, though.

**Ali6132:** Thanks! And yeah, I changed the title because it originally referred to Trent's fixation, and there wasn't anything comparable in Shuffled's plot. And as I've said to previous reviewers, I'll be changing the titles of those (and other) episodes you mentioned.

**Ddynamo:** Yeah, the title didn't originally seem like something I needed to change either until I thought about it. As for Scarlett...well, you'll have to wait and see.

**Madison Wooten:** Haha, glad to see you're happy. And I hope you enjoy the first Aftermath!

**acosta perez jose ramiro:** Thanks! I had honestly forgotten about the All-Stars shooting challenge, though; I decided to have her compete based on her aiming skills from when she was trying to capture a deer last season.

**Joel Connell:** Thanks! Good to hear it from new readers. I'll keep quiet as to who the World Tour contestants are as I always do, but I will agree that I hope somebody makes a TVTropes page for this series at some point.

**spader13:** Yeah, I'm gonna see if I can't make the eliminations a little less predictable from now on. Likewise, I'll see about reducing the focus on DJ since you and a couple others mentioned it. I have considered mixing up which challenges are eliminations and which are rewards, but I don't know if I'll do that this season since I'm kind of a sucker for patterns and Action has a pretty steady alternation between eliminations and rewards. I'll probably shake things up next season though.

**Cole D. soul:** Does that mean I've been writing Alejandro's skills as being too perfect? I've been trying not to, but he's meant to be an incredibly talented person, and I can see how it's easy to go overboard with that. And yeah, Sammy's not quite as far from her sister's influence as she wants right now, though what will happen in the future has to wait to be seen.

**Zak Saturday:** Yup, that was what I was trying to do! I admittedly kind forgot if I'd had Alejandro mention his dislike of that nickname to the others, and with so much to go back through I decided that since he'd at least said it in a confessional last season (I think) it was reasonable to expect that the others would know about it.

**IfJesusWasACriminalMastermind:** Understandable about the title thing, I'll try not to reveal too much of the plot twists with those in the future. And yeah, I'm gonna try to pull the focus off of DJ a bit, as you and others have suggested. And honestly the Final Three getting out before the first aftermath was more of a consequence of other plans than something specifically for them...well, mostly, I guess.

**Identification:** I'm glad you liked how things turned out last episode. And as for Chef...well, he may be gone (for now), but he's certainly not forgotten.

**I. M. Poik:** I don't think most people expected them to get eliminated so early, to be honest. And I didn't really see any reason to include the calf roping challenge, since it was only done in canon because the original tiebreaker couldn't go down. Including both would have taken too much time, and required the first tiebreaker to result in another tie, probably.

**Star Saber21:** Yup - without anyone to ruin the first tiebreaker, there was no reason not to include the water gun fight.

**Knifez:** Well, I can't expect to please everyone with my eliminations. Hopefully your other favorites will make it past the next round at least.

**bruno14:** Glad I managed to shock you with the elimination! And, of course, that you like what I'm doing with Dawn and DJ, as well as Topher and Sierra.

Well that's that, so it's time to move on to the last few things. The remaining contestants as of the start of this chapter are as follows:

Screaming Gaffers \- Scarlett, Lightning, Beth, Sammy, Beardo

Killer Grips \- Jo, DJ, Dawn, B, Sierra, Topher

Although that doesn't much matter as it's an Aftermath episode. On with the show!

\- Fangren

* * *

**Episode 6 – The Aftermath I: Winner Lose**

A riff from an electric guitar opened the episode as a pair of purple concentric circles flew across and back in the screen towards the upper-left corner, a group of smaller, bluer circles flying through them in the same direction but at a higher speed. As it neared the top of the screen a large and blocky red 'T' flashed into existence and descended back down, and the background music continued into a theme fit for an evening talk show. A similarly-styled 'D' and 'A' appeared next as a few more purple or blue rings crossed the screen, then the three letters slid in from the left to spell out 'TDA'. The word 'AFTERMATH' popped up from the bottom of the screen, temporarily bumping up the first three letters before they slammed back down and centered the text in the middle of the screen.

A gleam swept across the text from upper-left to lower-right, and the 'D' briefly popped forwards with the faint sound of a camera, turning a little bit counterclockwise before reversing into its former position.

xxx

"B-but," Bridgette stammered in a clip from the second episode's elimination ceremony, sitting on the stands with her boyfriend and looking around, "I thought everyone _liked_ us?"

The footage seamlessly skipped forward to show Bridgette and Geoff looking at each other. "Anybody wanna sign my cast?" the party boy asked, holding up a pen and smiling expectantly at the others.

Another sudden skip transitioned the footage to the first bonus clip, with Bridgette giggling and leaning over to make out with Geoff.

xxx

The 'D' popped out briefly again and another bout of recap footage began.

"Welp, looks like this is as far as I get to go. Sorry for failing the rest of you," Shawn said gloomily as he stood up and began the Walk of Shame.

He was shown jumping up and sticking his head out of the limousine's moon roof next. "I may not be able to _see_ you, undead scum," he shouted to the outside world, his legs dangling in front of the camera, "but I know you're _out there_!"

xxx

The 'D' popped out a third time, signaling the start of another set of recap footage.

"Very well," Alejandro said calmly, already standing as he closed his eyes and walked forward, the shocked looks of his former teammates visible in the background. "In that case, I have an announcement to make as well."

xxx

A fourth time the 'D' popped out, and a fourth set of clips were shown.

Chris McLean shuddered as he turned to Chef Hatchet standing beside him "That was the producers," he said in a trembling voice. "Seems they're pretty _mad_ about all the illegal _alliances_ you've been making, and they wanna have a nice, long, _talk_ with you."

"Uh, exactly how long of a talk is it gonna be?" Chef asked with a nervous smile.

Chris brow creased and his face fell into an unamused frown. "Yeah, you're not gonna be back for _awhile_." Chef's eyes widened.

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be...famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be...famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

The same sequence used to open the recap was replayed, an unseen audience cheering wildly after the 'TDA AFTERMATH' logo shined. The camera faded into a shot of a stage from the shadowed audience; it was set up like a talk show with one couch and table in the middle, and two tiers of couches on either side. A variety of lights both stage and decorative were scattered around, and to the left was a passage backstage half-hidden by dividing walls and the dark red curtains that framed the set.

And most importantly, sitting on that central couch, were two figures. On the left was a pudgy young white man with curly brown hair and glasses; he had a nervous smile on his face as he looked at the camera and fidgeted with his hands. On the right was a young white woman, thin and blonde and dressed entirely in pink; she was leaning slightly towards the camera and was looking absolutely ecstatic.

The camera zoomed in on them as the applause died down, a pair of computer displays visible on the table turned towards the hosts as the girl raised a hand and waved. "Hey there everyone!" she greeted with a smile. "Welcome to the brand-new, _totally_ amazing, Total Drama Action Aftermath Show!"

She paused as the audience cheered and applauded again, and once they'd died down the boy next to her spoke up. "We're coming to you _live_," he said in a slightly stilted fashion, "to dish everything Total Drama Action!"

"This is where the _real_ action is!" the girl said in a bubbly voice to another bout of cheering. "I'm Dakota!" she added in with a smile and a wink.

"And I'm, uh, Sam!" the boy said nervously.

"You may remember us from our time on Total Drama Island," Dakota continued.

"Too bad we didn't get to be on it's even _more_ thrilling sequel, Total Drama Action," Sam said in a slightly awkward manner.

"Like, _totally_," Dakota said with a giggle. "It was _such_ a bummer that we missed out! Fortunately for us, and for you viewers at home," she winked at the camera again, "we have our _own_ show now! Who needs a _million dollars_ when you can have fun like this?"

Sam laughed. "Hey, _I_ wouldn't mind getting my hands on that kind of money!" Sounds of agreement issued from the crowd. "But hey, I may have missed out on _this_ season, but at least I get to be here with you!" He smiled happily at Dakota, and the crowd awwed.

The blonde giggled. "Aww, thanks! And don't forget, we get to spend some time with all of _you_, too," she said, looking back at the audience.

"And uh, how 'bout that new season, right? Pretty exciting!" Sam said, looking out at the camera.

"_Definitely_," Dakota squealed. "They get to be on a _film lot_ and do all sorts of _movie challenges_, how cool is that?" The crowed cheered in agreement. "It's so great just to be a _part_ of it all!"

"Speak for yourselves," a dry and nasally voice said from off-camera, the shot zooming out to show that the couches on the right had been occupied by five individuals. On the top row were a fairly fat white girl with bright blue eyes, poofy blonde hair, and a pale pink tubetop; next to her was a scrawny white boy in an olive green hoodie and a dark teal toque; and on the end was a red-haired white boy of average build with a white tank top and a sneer on his face.

Sitting below him and the toque-wearing boy was another white girl, also fairly fat but with her straight brown hair tied back in a ponytail with a red ribbon, and a dark pink zippered turtleneck. The fifth sat in a red and white cheerleader's uniform on the furthest left end on the lower row, just below the poofy-haired girl; the thinnest and most conventionally attractive of the three white girls, she had light blonde hair, a mole on her right cheek, and a scowl on her face.

"Actually, I _was_ speaking for myself," Dakota said. "But hey, thanks for reminding everyone that you're here too! _Scott_, everyone!" the camera followed her motion to the sneering redhead, and another talk show-esque jingle played as he realized he was being watched. His eyes widened briefly at the applause from the audience, but then he just sneered harder and looked away.

"We've brought along _all_ the others from the first season," Dakota said.

"They may be _losers_," Sam said, "but, uh, not in our book, right Dakota?"

She hesitated for a moment, allowing the poofy-haired girl the chance to speak up. "Hey! We are _not_ losers, ya hear me? We're just unlucky!"

"Haha, I hear that," Sam replied. "Give it up for _Sugar_!" he said, and the crowd cheered as the camera cut back to the poofy-haired girl. She stood and waved pageant-style, and blew a few kisses as the screen was split and a clip played of her singing a high note as 'Sugar Silo', startling a flock of birds into flight and cracking the camera lens filming her.

"And _Ezekiel_!" Dakota added, the camera cutting to the toque-wearing boy just as he shoved his finger up his nose. He noticed that he was being watched and flinched, then awkwardly waved at the camera with a booger still on the end of his finger. The screen also split to play a clip of him, showing him diving in front of Bridgette and getting hit in the groin by a dodgeball.

"I don't think _Scott_ needs any more introduction," Sam chuckled as the farmer was shown again, who rolled his eyes as a clip played in the split screen showing him screaming and running in fear of a clown.

"Next we have _Staci_!" Dakota said in a slightly forced tone as the camera moved to the girl in the ponytail.

"Thanks, guys!" she said cheerfully as the cheering and applause continued. "Y'know, it was my Great Aunt Paula who invented talk shows," she rattled off; the split screen also showed her speaking rapidly but from the other side and at a different location. "Before her, there was nothing on TV in the middle of the day, yah."

"And how about a shout out to _Amy_!" Sam said, also in a forced tone. The camera cut over to the cheerleader, who smiled and waved at the camera before the crowd started to boo her, causing her to scowl. As the split screen showed a clip of the mean twin lunging at her sister in fury before DJ and Geoff held her back, she sniffed and pulled out a cellphone, quickly dialing a number and pressing it to her ear.

"Man, harsh crowd!" Sam said with a nervous chuckle.

"Looks like _somebody_ needs a better PR rep!" Dakota said playfully.

"Or an _attitude adjustment_," Sam added with another chuckle.

The camera cut back over to Amy, who was now engrossed in her call. "I _refuse_ to let that sack of spare parts win," she hissed, "so hurry up and figure something _out_!" A loud 'ohhhh' from the audience got her attention; she blushed and put covered the phone with her hand. "Umm, _excuse_ me? This is a _private_ conversation, so do yourselves a favor and _butt out_ already!"

Sam and Dakota shared an awkward glance before the blonde cleared her throat and smiled at the camera. "We've also got a _ton_ of texts and e-mails from all of you!" she said excitedly.

"Plus," the gamer said, "we'll have a couple of you on web cam! And I gotta say, that's pretty awesome."

"Bridgette and Geoff will be here," Dakota announced, and the crowd went wild.

"And don't forget Shawn!" Sam added with a smile, earning another roaring cheer from the crowd.

"Plus the guy we all _love_ to hate, Alejandro!" the blonde finished to another round of applause.

"Man, hard to believe the three who placed the highest last season are the first ones to be voted off!" Sam said.

"I know, it was so _shocking_," Dakota added. "Especially Bridgette and Geoff. They're such a _cute_ couple, it was sad to see them go!"

"Geoff was holdin' Bridgette _back_, eh," Ezekiel spoke up. "She coulda gone all the way if it hadn't been for his broken ankle."

"Uhh, I'm pretty sure there was more to their elimination than that," Sam said. "And besides, how cool would it have been if Geoff had managed to stay in the game with that kind of handicap?"

"Mm-hmm, looks like we've got a _lot_ to talk about," Dakota interrupted, giving the camera a knowing look. "It's almost time to welcome our first guests," she announced, "but first, take a look at this!" She motioned with her hands to the wide and flat television hanging above the central couch.

The television's static cut to a clip of the pair running together along the beach set, the party boy stopping to take out his camera. "Geoff and Bridgette's time on Total Drama Action _may_ have been short," Dakota said.

"But it sure was _jam-packed_ with that drama and action that we all love," Sam continued awkwardly as Geoff was shown getting scooped up by the animatronic monster, and Bridgette was shown crying out in anguish.

"Geoff's broken ankle proved to be a _major_ slow-down," Dakota continued as the party boy was shown bouncing in the inflatable castle and wincing in pain. The clip was paused there, and red squiggly lines appeared radiating out from his pained expression, drawn on by an unseen device.

"Ouch!" Sam chuckled. "Good for him that Bridgette wasn't gonna let him sacrifice himself, no matter _what_ it took." Footage of the two being discovered on the ground at the beginning of the alien movie challenge was shown, as was the clip of Bridgette stomping on Alejandro's foot and running off with her boyfriend.

"Ooh, looks like _someone's_ mad!" Dakota said in an impish tone, the clip freezing on Alejandro's pained face as he jumped up and down clutching his foot. A circle was drawn around his head, and Dakota giggled. "Couldn't have happened to a _nicer_ guy, am I right?" The audience cheered in agreement.

"But, uh, too bad for them the others just didn't want 'em around anymore, heheh!" Sam continued nervously.

Dakota nodded. "Like, yeah. Geoff's ankle was bad _enough_, but since Bridgette came in second last season, she was voted out for being a threat! Oh well," she frowned playfully as a clip played of the two making out in the limousine to which the audience awwed, "at least they still had each other!"

"One has helped fight a forest fire," Dakota said, "the other has tangled with a sasquatch. Our first two guests are the runner-up of Total Drama Island and her boyfriend, so let's give it up for Bridgette and Geoff!"

The Aftermath theme tune played and the crowd went wild as Dakota motioned to the backstage corridor, but it suddenly stopped as the blonde looked disbelievingly up at the television. It was now showing footage of a room backstage where Geoff and Bridgette were currently making out on a couch, and a few wolf whistles and similar noises were heard from the audience. The party boy had propped his cast up on a snack tray-laden table in front of them, and to the left was a television showing the same feed as the one on-stage,

Bridgette opened her eyes and noticed it, and pushed Geoff away with a gasp. "Oh crap, we have to go!" The audience laughed quietly.

"Aww man, already?" Geoff asked, turning his head towards the screen in disappointment. "Oh well," he shrugged as Bridgette got to her feet and started pulling on his arm, "guess we might as well take some of this to go." The audience laughed as he grabbed a few crackers and bit of cheese and stuffed them in his mouth, then picked up his crutch up off the floor and allowed Bridgette to lead him out to the stage.

The Aftermath theme started playing again as the pair pushed open the backstage doors and walked out, waving and smiling at both the audience and the hosts as they took their seats on the lower couch on the left.

"Hey guys!" Dakota greeted with a smile while Sam just waved.

"Dakota! Sam! So good to see you two again!" Bridgette said happily.

"Yeah, dudes!" Geoff added. "Congrats on the hostin' gig! Totally psyched to _be_ here, man!"

"Hey, it's great to have you!" Sam told them. "Too bad about, uh, the _show_ though. Losing out on that million's gotta suck pretty badly."

Geoff shrugged. "'s no big _deal_," he said. "At least we didn't leave _completely_ empty-handed!"

"Really?" Sam asked in confusion. "What, did you get your hands on some sweet _loot_ or something?"

"Haha, not really," Bridgette answered, putting her arm around her boyfriend's waist and leaning into him. "Geoff just managed to take a lot of pictures of the film lot and everyone for his scrap book."

"Don't forget the cast everyone signed!" Geoff added, leaning forward to rap on the bulky thing with his knuckles. "You guys should _totally_ sign it by the way," he said, taking out a pen and wiggling it. "And my Peanut Gallery peeps too!" The camera cut over to the five sitting on the other end of the stage; Sugar, Staci, and Ezekiel were smiling, while Amy and Scott looked annoyed and uninterested.

"Ooh, sure!" Dakota squealed, stepping forward to take the pen and sign her name. "Can't pass up a chance to help make Total Drama history! And anything that's been autographed by a full cast will _definitely_ be remembered by the fans."

Sam chuckled. "That's my Dakota," he said as he leaned forward and accepted the pen from his girlfriend. "She's _amazing_ when it comes to figuring out fame. That's how she got us these hosting jobs!"

The heiress giggled. "Yup! As soon as I heard that the producers were looking for two people to host an after show, I just _knew_ this was my-" she paused for a split second before after catching her mistake, "I mean _our_ big break!"

"Well good for you!" Bridgette said happily. "I'm sure you'll be great, I know I couldn't imagine hosting something like this myself."

"Yeah, me neither," Geoff added. "I'd either never take it seriously, or I'd, like, take it _way_ too far and get all _mean_ and _fake_ and stuff, like Chris."

Bridgette laughed. "Really? I don't think you have a mean bone in your _body_!"

"Hey, you never know!" Geoff shrugged.

"Haha, anyway," Dakota said, "how does it feel being the first two voted off the show?"

"Honestly, I gotta say it's pretty disappointing," Bridgette said sadly as a touching tune began to play. "I mean, we had all these _dreams_ for the money, and having to give up on all of them so quickly really hurt."

"Yeah," Geoff nodded. "I mean, I'll admit the possibility of goin' home first _did_ cross my mind, I mean, my ankle _is_ pretty messed up," he said with a motion to his propped-up foot again. "Heck, I probably woulda been _fine_ with it had Bridgette not gotten voted out too. But this is just...a major _bummer_, man."

"So, uh, what went through your head," Sam asked, "when you were voted off, I mean."

"Oh, I was _shocked_," Bridgette explained. "I mean, it was bad _enough_ watching everyone else get a Gilded Chris except for us and Sierra, my stomach was churning like you wouldn't _believe_! And then when _her_ name was called out, I just...," she looked down and shook her head. "I just couldn't believe all our friends would _do_ that to us."

Geoff nodded and rubbed her back with one hand. "It was all I could do to keep it together," he said. "I _had_ to, for Bridge's sake. After nearly winnin' last season, I could _tell_ she was gonna be feelin' awful."

"So that's why you asked everyone to sign your cast?" Dakota asked.

"Pretty much," the party boy said. "I mean, I was gonna do it _anyway_, it just seemed like a good idea to do it then."

"It must've been pretty _surprising_ to have everyone just agree to sign it, though," Sam followed up.

Bridgette and Geoff shared a brief look. "Yeah, kinda. I mean, they had just voted us out, and then they decide to be nice like that?"

"Especially since I don't think some of 'em even _liked_ me," Geoff added.

"_Actually_," Dakota said in an impish tone, "I think we have some _never-before-seen_ footage that might help answer your questions." The camera followed her gaze up back to the monitor above as it switched from static to a confessional feed.

xxx

"Don't get the wrong idea," Jo told the make-up trailer's camera sharply, "just because I signed Party Boy's cast doesn't mean I'm going _soft_. The guy's only going home because of his ankle, and I kinda _pity_ him for not being able to compete because of it, okay?"

xxx

"Geoff's elimination was purely strategic," Alejandro explained in his own confessional, "but I see no reason why I shouldn't show him a _small_ amount of kindness."

xxx

Chris was the next to be shown in the make-up trailer. "What can I say," he shrugged, "props like that are _great_ for publicity."

xxx

"Although I don't particularly _like_ Geoff," Scarlett said carefully, "there remains no sufficient reason to refuse his request. And between the slight benefits I will potentially have gained _from_ signing it, and the peer pressure I would likely have faced had I tried to refuse, the choice was obvious."

xxx

"..._Huh_," Bridgette said as the footage cut back to her and Geoff staring up at the monitor from their seats.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Geoff added.

"Well then," Dakota said as the camera cut over to her and Sam, "I think it's time for a little game called 'Truth or Hammer'!" She pointed at the camera excitedly, and the crowd went wild as Sam looked suddenly nervous.

A grand tune played as a shot of a golden statue of Lady Justice was shown. The camera slowly pulled back from it, and as the music ended a large wooden mallet swung down from the left and smashed it to pieces.

Dakota giggled as the scene cut back to the hosts and guests. "Okay, here's how this works: we ask you a question, and if you give the wrong answer a _huge_ hammer will swing down and knock you away! _Exciting_, huh?"

"Uh, yeah...," Bridgette said as she and Geoff chuckled nervously.

"Then let's give it a test run!" the heiress announced, and a giant wooden hammer immediately swung down at Geoff and Bridgette. The surfer gasped and forced her boyfriend to lean forward as she ducked herself, and the two barely avoided the hit.

Dakota giggled again. "Well, looks like that's working right. And nice dodge, too! How about a question then, Sam?" she turned her head to her co-host, who was still staring in surprise. She frowned and nudged him in the side with her elbow, and he shook his head.

"Huh? Oh yeah, uh, right...," the gamer stuttered. "So, Bridgette, after almost winning _last_ season, why, uh, why do you think things ended so poorly _this_ time?"

"I...really don't know," the surfer answered cautiously, sitting back up straight but with her gaze fixed above her. Almost immediately the hammer came swinging down, and she quickly tackled Geoff to the ground and out of the hammer's path. "Okay!" she cried out. "I think it's probably because I spent too much time trying to protect Geoff!" The audience gasped, and the two hosts shared a wide-eyed look.

Bridgette sighed and got back on her feet, then helped her sad-faced boyfriend back up to the couch. "I really don't like saying this, but maybe if I'd focused more on the _game_ instead keeping you _safe_," she briefly looked into Geoff's eyes before looking away, "maybe our friends wouldn't have voted me off. I think I was getting too stressed out, and the others picked up on that and did what they thought was _best_ for me. But," she gave her boyfriend a pleading look, "I just _couldn't_ ignore you like that!"

"I feel ya, babe," Geoff said, giving her a hug. "But still, I think you _were_ kinda overprotective. Even with my ankle, I can still take care of myself most of the time!"

Bridgette sighed. "Yeah, I guess you're right. Sorry for not trusting you to be okay by yourself." She deepened their hug, and the audience awwed.

"Ooh, nice answer!" Dakota squealed. "So, Geoff, are you mad at anyone for what happened to you and Bridgette?"

Geoff blinked, then looked up. "Uhh, guess I gotta be honest, huh. Well...," he trailed off as Dakota looked at him expectantly and Bridgette tensed up, "...not really."

All four were silent for a moment before it became clear the hammer wasn't going to swing down. "Yeah, like, I can kinda get where everyone's comin' from in votin' us off, y'know?" Geoff explained. "I'm still kinda bummed that they felt that way, but I can't really be _mad_ at them for doin' what they thought was best."

"I see...," Dakota said slowly before looking at the camera and smiling. "Well now, how about we hear from one of the viewers!"

"Let's see," Sam said, looking down at the computer display on the table in front of him. "TurboSalty682 asks: Who are you rooting for now that you've been eliminated?"

Geoff and Bridgette shared a look. "Well, _I'm_ rooting for Sammy," the surfer answered. "After finally getting away from her _sister_," she shot a glare across the stage to Amy, who sneered and rolled her eyes, "I think she's really gonna show us what she can do."

"I'm hopin' my man _B_ wins," Geoff answered as the hosts turned their expectant gazes to him. "The dude's, like, _super_ smart! He'll figure out a way to win, no problem."

"Good to hear it," Sam told them.

"Yup!" Dakota added. "But I think it's about time we brought out our _next_ guest, don't you?" she asked her boyfriend as the audience cheered again.

The camera panned up to the wide-screen television as footage of the paranoid survivalist began to play. "Hot off his victory on Total Drama Island," Dakota said over a clip of the bald boy's win during the season finale, "Shawn seemed to be a strong contender going into season two."

"Even though he got captured early by the animatronic monster," Sam added over the relevant footage, "the dude still managed to pull off a win in the Alien movie challenge thanks to his sweet moves." Shawn was shown jumping out of the slime bomb's blast radius and later snatching one of the last two eggs from their spot near Chef.

"That earned him the right to pick one of the teams this season," Dakota chimed in as the recap footage continued into a montage of him picking each of his team members, "and what a team it _was_, ooh!" The clip was paused on a glare between Topher and Sierra; squiggly lines were drawn extending between their faces and their scowls were exaggerated into sharp-toothed grimaces. "You can just _feel_ the hate!"

The camera briefly cut to hosts as Sam laughed nervously. "Uh, yeah. That aside, things seemed to be looking pretty good for the guy, until, well, they _didn't_."

"A snap decision to leave behind their team's trailer caused Shawn to be blamed when the Killer Grips lost their first challenge," Dakota continued as the footage resumed, focusing on him making the decision to not take the trailer up and his later elimination, "and he was voted out by the very team he created!"

Sam was shown reading the computer display in front of him, and it was a few moments before he looked up and noticed the camera on him. "Oh!" he said with a faint blush. "Right, uh, our next guest has plans to build a zombie-proof bunker and, uh, has run around naked on national television, let's hear it for the winner of Total Drama Island, Shawn!"

The crowd went wild as the Aftermath theme played and Shawn came out from backstage at a jog, waving awkwardly at the audience. He waved at Geoff and Bridgette as well, the two having already moved to the second-row couch.

"Good to see you guys!" he said as he got to the couch, hugging Bridgette and exchanging handshakes with Geoff and Sam. "And, uh, you're absolutely sure their aren't any _zombies_ around, right?" he asked nervously, his eyes darting around the room as he sat down. The audience laughed.

"Don't worry, dude," Sam told him. "If any zombies get spotted nearby, I'm sure the producers will let us know."

"If they're not the first ones to be _eaten_ at least," Dakota added with a giggle.

Shawn just looked more nervous. "That's _really_ not good. You guys are seriously gonna need a better early warning system if you wanna survive when the undead apocalypse breaks out and you're out here hosting." The audience laughed again. "I'm being serious," he told them, "you people might as well be a box of _zombie chow_ with how packed in you are, and without a proper defense system even _one_ could wipe us all out!"

Dakota chuckled. "Oh, I think you have _bigger_ things to worry about right now," she told him to his confusion. "Like the questions Sam and I are gonna ask you, and the giant hammer that's gonna come down if you don't tell the truth!"

"Hammer?" the survivalist asked in disbelief.

"Watch out for it, man," Geoff said, leaning forward from his seat behind the boy. "It's like _super_ fast."

"Uhh, sure...," Shawn said, casting an uncertain glance above him.

"So," Dakota asked, "how do you feel having been voted out so quickly?"

"Uh, bad?" Shawn answered cautiously, still looking up every now and then. "Knowing that I made _one_ little mistake that ended up costing me a million dollars is pretty awful," he explained, hanging his head and putting it in his hands. "And now I keep just..._replaying_ the whole challenge in my head, trying to figure out what I could have done better."

"Wow," Sam said with a stunned look, "that's pretty harsh."

"Oh believe me," Shawn said, "I know. Complete _failure_ to fulfill the first part of their dream is probably the harshest thing that can happen to someone that doesn't involve getting snacked on by the undead."

"Especially since it was the team you picked who voted you off," Dakota said. "How does it feel knowing the people you chose decided to get rid of you first?"

"Hmm," Shawn said as he tapped his chin in thought. "_Almost_ betrayed, but not quite. I mean, I get that they didn't _have_ to want to work with me, but it still hurts knowing that I got targeted for making a mistake that, to be honest, probably didn't cost us the win anyway."

"What do you mean?" Sam asked.

"Well, it's just that I don't think Sierra's make-up was that _bad_," Shawn explained. "Or her acting, for that matter. I think Topher and DJ did a pretty good job helping her, and I _know_ I got the lightning right. Really, we only lost because Chef liked Alejandro's performance better. Well," he paused to think again, "either that or he has something against DJ. He looked pretty _mad_ when Dawn pulled the big guy away from whatever they were talking about."

Dakota and Sam shared another look. "You, uh, you _might_ be right about that," the gamer told him.

"But we'll get to _that_ later," Dakota said quickly, "Right now, I think it's time to take a quick break! We'll be _right_ back!"

/

The show's logo was shown again, and the 'D' popped out and transitioned the scene to a close-up of a plate of brown mush sitting on a tan-and-goldenrod striped table. Flies were buzzing around it, and part of a familiar torso could be seen standing behind it.

"This episode of the TDA Aftershow," Chef Hatchet said to a catchy elevator music-like jingle as one of the flies buzzing around died and the camera began to zoom out, "was brought to you by Chef's Roadkill Cafe, where Sundays are Bring Your Own Meat!" The camera stopped moving to show the hulking man in full, standing between the table with the plate of mush and a large stone fireplace in the background. In his left hand he held a skewer of a reddish and steaming hunk of meat resting on a plate-like guard piece. The tail of a skunk extended from the top of the meat hunk.

"You hit it, we spit it," Chef said with a motion to the steaming dish in his hand.

/

The logo's 'D' transitioned the scene back to the studio, the shot showing all the former cast members on stage – the five losers on the right, the three guests on the left, and the two hosts in the center, now whispering to each other unaware that they were back live.

"C'mon," Sam hissed as the camera zoomed in for a close-up of the hosts, "I don't wanna ask him _that_ kinda stuff, it's too personal!"

"We're doing an _interview_, Sam!" Dakota argued in a whisper. "We're _supposed_ to ask personal questions!"

"About the _show_, yeah," Sam said, "but I just don't think we should ask about stuff _outside_ of it."

"We _have_ to, Sam," Dakota countered, "we can't disappoint the _viewers_!"

Shawn cleared his throat and the camera zoomed out to get him in the shot. "Umm, guys? I, uh, I'm pretty sure we're back live." The two hosts widened their eyes and looked at the camera with embarrassment, but Dakota recovered quickly.

"Welcome back!" she said happily, leaning towards the audience as they gave their applause. "We're talking with _Shawn_ about his time on the show, and about _himself_!" The crowd cheered, and Sam sighed. "Now," she turned to her cautious-looking guest, "it's time to answer the question that's been on everyone's mind since season one: What's the deal your zombie obsession?"

Shawn quirked an eyebrow. "What _obsession_? My fear of the undead is _completely_ rational. It's not my fault that most people don't realize the danger they're in."

"Uhh, what I think she means," Sam said quickly and nervously, "is how did you get started with the whole zombie survival thing? Like you said, most people don't really take the threat of them that seriously."

"Oh," Shawn said, his annoyance fading away. "Uh, I guess it started when I watched my first zombie movie on TV when I was 7," he explained as a touching tune began to play. "It was called 'End of the Living', and it gave me nightmares for a couple days before I realized that the only way to _protect_ myself from zombies, was to learn as much about them as possible. Ever since I've been watching and reading anything about the coming apocalypse that I can get my hands on, and figuring out the best strategies for survival."

"Wow," Dakota said, "that...wasn't very exciting." Shawn's face fell back into an annoyed look.

"Heheh," Sam interrupted with a nervous chuckle, "well, like he said, it's a perfectly rational fear. There's no reason it had to have some big _story_ behind it."

"Mmm...I _guess_," Dakota said uncertainly. "Oh! How about we hear from another _viewer_ now!" She smiled suddenly, and looked down at the display in front of her. "Let's see...ooh!" She squealed, and gave a saucy look to Shawn that made him raise an eyebrow. "Looks like _somebody_ has some big fans. Galegirl wants to know: what kind of girl do you like?"

Shawn gulped and quickly looked above. "Umm, well, the truth is that I'm not really that _interested_ in dating." A deep beat was struck in the background music as the camera pulled out to show the hosts, and even Geoff and Bridgette, cringing in anticipation. When no hammer came swinging down, they looked at their bald friend expectantly.

"I mean," Shawn explained, "I don't wanna get too _attached_ to somebody when I need to focus on not getting my brain munched. Love makes you do a _whole_ lotta stuff that doesn't exactly help your chances of survival, y'know."

"Huh," Sam said, "never really thought of it like that. Kinda makes sense, I know I'd give _my_ life up to save the girl I love," he smiled at Dakota, who blushed as the crowed awwed.

"Good for you, I guess," Shawn told them, "but that's really not something I wanna do myself."

Dakota shrugged. "Suit yourself. _I_ sure wouldn't wanna go my whole life without falling in love." She turned to her co-host and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, then giggle as the audience awwed again. "Anyway, I think we have time for one more question. Sam, you wanna ask this one?"

"Huh?" the gamer asked with a blink. "Oh, right, yeah, hold on..." He looked down at his display and touched it a few times with his finger. "Let's see...Chelsea665 asks: How do you plan to get the money for your zombie-proof bunker now that you're out of the contest?"

Shawn scratched the back of his neck and looked away. "Yeah, good question." The audience laughed. "Honestly," he told the gamer, "I'm probably just gonna keep working whatever jobs I can get. And maybe I'll give some _other_ show a chance if I find any I think I can win."

"Hey, good on you for not giving up on your dream," Sam said. "I bet most people would have just given up after losing."

The survivalist shrugged. "I guess I'm not like most people then," he said. "Although I don't think most people's dreams involve a complex underground _apocalypse_ bunker."

Dakota giggled. "_Totally_. But anyway, I think it's about time we moved on to our next guest."

"Right," Sam nodded as the camera panned back up to the hanging television. "Somehow, Alejandro being here is both incredibly surprising and yet not surprising at all," he began as footage began to play of Alejandro talking to Beth when they first arrived at the film lot. "After everything he did as the, uh, 'bad boy' of _last_ season, I think a lot of people were tuning in just to see what the guy was gonna do this time around."

"_Definitely_," Dakota said as the footage moved on to the charmer's attempts to talk to Sammy. "Although with all the enemies he's made, it was _obvious_ he wasn't gonna last very long. I mean just _look_ at him," she paused the video on a shot of him smiling at an uncomfortable Sammy, and a circle was drawn around his face. "He might be handsome, but this is not the face of someone _I'd_ ever trust again. I'm _sooo_ glad Sammy turned down his offer of an alliance."

"Yeah, Alejandro really wasn't able to get back on anybody's good side," Sam said with a nod as the shot cut back to him and Dakota. "Especially on the team _Scarlett_ picked." The episode footage resumed with a brief montage of the Screaming Gaffers being picked, as well as the brainiac's confessional regarding her decision to pick Alejandro.

"That didn't stop Alejandro from having a _major_ effect on the game though," Dakota added. "Even from Day One it was _pretty_ clear that he wasn't gonna let the, umm, _incident_ between him and Chef Hatchet last season be forgotten." The events leading up to the punch were shown, and the footage was paused a few frames into the impact, the charmer's tooth already flying out of his mouth. "Although really, I can't blame him," Dakota said before the gap in Alejandro's mouth was circled. "I mean, I'd be pretty mad too if _this_ happened."

"And once Al caught wind of the deal Chef was trying to make with _DJ_," Sam continued as the camera cut back to him and Dakota.

"Wait, _what_?" Shawn gasped, the shot panning over to him, Bridgette, and Geoff; the latter two also looking shocked.

"Oh yeah, sorry dude," Sam chuckled, "guess we forgot to tell you. Basically," the gamer explained as footage played of Chef's various attempts to bully DJ and interfere with challenges, "Chef wanted to make an illegal alliance with DJ. He was gonna teach DJ how to be a tough guy or something, and if he won DJ was supposed to split the money with Chef."

"Huh," Shawn said as the footage ended. "That explains a few things."

"Mm-hmm!" Dakota nodded, motioning back up to the monitor as the footage continued, showing Alejandro's confrontation in the bus. "_But_, Alejandro managed to figure them out, and decided to put a stop to it by forcing Chef to work with _him_ instead. Too bad for him, though, because his team decided to vote him out the first chance they got!"

"And that wasn't even the end of it!" Sam continued with a chuckle as the footage moved on to the charmer's elimination, DJ's interruption, and the subsequent revelations. "When DJ decided to come clean about how Chef was _still_ trying to make an illegal deal with him, Al kinda _snapped_ or something and let everyone know about _his_ deal too."

"And that got Chef into _major trouble_," Dakota added as the phone call from the previous episode was shown, and the hulking man was led down the Walk of Shame by Chris. "Safe to say _he_ won't be back for a little while."

"Heheh, yeah," Sam said. "Anyway, our next guest has almost as many talents as I have video games and hates being called 'Al', let's, uh, welcome _Alejandro_ to the show!"

The Aftermath theme played and a mix of applause and booing issued from the audience as Alejandro Burromuerto walked onstage with a gold-tinged smile.

"Hello!" he said with a wave towards the audience. "I'm _flattered_ that you all think so much of me." He sat down on the couch closest to Sam and Dakota, Shawn having already moved to the back with Geoff and Bridgette. "And it's so good to see the two of _you_ doing so well for yourselves after having missed out on season two," he said with a smile towards the host.

"Haha, I don't believe that," Dakota giggled bluntly just before a hammer swung down from the left and slammed into him, sending him crashing into the back wall. "Sorry, we were gonna tell you about that," Dakota said as a good portion of the audience laughed, "but it looks like you started lying too early!"

"Uggh," Alejandro grunted as he picked himself up off the ground, "seriously? What, is that hammer gonna come down _every_ time I lie?"

"Pretty much, dude," Sam said.

"That's...," the charmer began to say before breaking out into a smile, "rather annoying. Still, I like to think of myself as a generally _honest_ person, so I doubt I'll have to worry about the hammer again." He brushed himself off and went back to his seat, only to immediately roll forward as the hammer swung down again.

"This _really_ isn't funny," Alejandro said as the audience and Dakota laughed again. He sighed in annoyance and went back to his seat. "I suppose I _will_ concede that I'm rather envious that the two of you have managed to get jobs as the host of this show, though. I'd almost prefer be in _your_ positions!"

"Yeah, I can see why," Sam told him. "I mean sure, we never got a chance to be on the show for another season, but at least we've gotten _something_ out of it."

"Plus," Dakota added, "_we_ didn't get eliminated after watching our _plans_ fall apart."

"Hmm, well, I doubt either of _you_ would have made it far in the game either," Alejandro shot back in an unamused tone. The crowd uttered a collective 'ohhhh'.

"We'd have made it further than _you_," Dakota spat. "People actually _like_ me and Sam. Plus, we wouldn't have made any illegal _alliances_!" The audience ohhhed again.

"Uhh, hey, can we cool it down a bit?" Sam said quickly, leaning forward to get between his girlfriend and their current guest. "Al, er, Alejandro, tell us, how do you feel now that you've been eliminated?"

Alejandro paused while he glared at Dakota, then closed his eyes and leaned back into the couch. "Honestly, I'm more disappointed with _myself_ than anything else," Alejandro answered. "I should have seen this coming, and made more of an effort to stay in the game."

"Right," Sam nodded. "Although, uhh, with the team you had, I kinda doubt that you woulda been able to last long anyways. I don't think you had a single real _ally_ among them."

"Yes," the defeated villain said, "Scarlett did a _magnificent_ job picking them in that regard. Which, honestly, is why I should have tried harder in the Alien challenge so that I could have picked my _own_ team. Although if it hadn't been for _Bridgette_," he turned his head to glare at the surfer behind him, who gave him a neutral look back, "I may have _gotten_ that chance."

"So, uh, who would you have picked for your team if you'd been able to?" Sam asked.

"Hmm...Topher, I think," Alejandro answered after a moment of thought. "He's been a fairly consistent ally since last season. Other than that, I'd probably pick people with useful skills, and who wouldn't be able to turn the team against me."

"Yeah, that seems like you," Dakota said, "always thinking of yourself and nothing else."

Alejandro shrugged. "It's hardly _my_ fault the game is played that way."

"Hmmph," Dakota sniffed. "Anyway, enough about what _could_ have been, let's talk about what _really_ happened."

"I assume you refer to my alliance with Chef Hatchet?" the charmer asked.

"_Totally_," the blonde answered. "So tell us, why _did_ you do it?"

"Well, it's not like I could just allow Chef to help _DJ_," Alejandro answered. "I doubt much would have came of their partnership considering what DJ said at the elimination ceremony, but it wasn't a risk I was willing to take. And since I already had a hold over Chef myself, I figured why not take it to the next level?"

"Y'know," Sam said, "I'm pretty sure most people would have just called them out for cheating instead of trying to get in on it themselves."

Alejandro chuckled. "Well, I'm not exactly 'most people'. If I see a potential advantage, I take it! Sure, it ended up poorly for me _this_ time, but at least I've learned from it. And you _must_ admit that it would have been spectacular had I been able to play Chef and the others all the way to the end."

"So, like, do you regret forming the alliance at all?" Dakota asked.

The arch-villain leaned back again and tapped his chin. "I suppose the only thing I regret is trusting _Chef_ to keep his end of the bargain. I honestly didn't expect him to keep helping DJ, especially since I really _would_ have dropped my case against him had he actually helped me win." The hosts, gallery, and audience all went silent in expectation. "What?" Alejandro said once he'd realized Sam and Dakota were looking up again. "I was being honest! I'd rather _not_ get hit with that hammer again."

"Huh," Sam said as he brought his gaze back towards the handsome young man sitting nearby, "I guess so."

"Funny you should mention Chef's, umm, _betrayal_," Dakota said, earning a suspicious yet intrigued look from Alejandro. "Because I don't think you know the whole story behind your elimination, do you?"

"...What else is there to know?" Alejandro asked suspiciously. "I lost the challenge, and my teammates decided to vote off the biggest threat in the game."

"Oh, I'm not so sure about _that_," Dakota told him with a mischievous smile. "I think we have some secret, never-before-seen footage that'll show us the _real_ story."

"We do?" Sam asked in confusion before the blonde winked at him and motioned up to the television above them.

/

The static faded in to a shot taken from what appeared to be a low cupboard in a kitchen. Chef Hatchet stormed into view from the left , scowling as he set a single glass down on a table and turned around. "Alright make it quick, I got stuff to do," he said in a gruff but resigned voice.

"Very well," Scarlett said as she stepped into sight from the left as well, her hands clasped behind her back. "To wit, it's _obvious_ you'd prefer to have Alejandro gone as soon as possible. And as the leader of his team, _I_ am in a position to ensure he receives a majority vote at the next opportunity. I trust you know where this is going?" she quirked an eyebrow and adjusted her glasses.

"Yeah," Chef answered, "but I don't get why you'd wanna get rid of Alejandro when me _helpin_' him helps you out too."

"True, your alliance with him _does_ benefit me as long as we're on the same team," Scarlett said. "But then again, we won't always _be_ on the same team. And while it arguably _is_ in my best interests to keep him in the game until shortly before the merge, I'd rather explore the other options that are available to me."

Chef scowled. "Look, I'll admit I want the kid gone, but he's gonna drop that dang _lawsuit_ of his if I help him win."

"And what happens if he still loses, despite your help?" Scarlett asked sharply, causing the larger man to raise his eyebrows. "Because you must admit the likelihood of that scenario given his lack of popularity among the cast. Do you think he'll still drop his lawsuit then? Because I don't." Chef bit his lip uncertainly as Scarlett continued. "However, if his loss were out of your hands, then you would have nominally fulfilled your part of the bargain, and would have at least _some_ basis on which to have the lawsuit dismissed."

Chef frowned, blinked, and slowly cracked a smile. "Y'know, you might just be on to somethin'."

"Naturally," Scarlett smirked. "And in return..."

"Let me guess," Chef said quickly and dryly, "you want me to help _you_ instead?"

Scarlett shook her head. "No thank you, I don't require any long-term service from you. In fact, I'd be willing to overlook any arrangements you make with, for instance, _DJ_ so long as it doesn't directly interfere with my own chances of winning."

Chef quirked an eyebrow skeptically. "Really? Then what do you want in return for votin' off the pretty one?"

"A fairly simple request," Scarlett told him before slowly turning her head straight towards the camera filming them. "Although...I'd rather we discuss it somewhere more _private_."

The hulking man blinked, and looked at the camera as well. "...Yeah, I hear ya."

/

The feed cut to static, which then cut back to the studio where everyone on-stage except the two hosts were sitting with their mouths agape. The audience gasped, and then fell silent.

"I had no _idea_...That...that _deceitful_ little...," Alejandro began, stuttering and trembling with disbelieving anger.

"_Wow_," Bridgette said, still looking up at the monitor. "I never thought I'd see something like that from _Scarlett_ of all people...what did she even _want_ from him?"

"Yeah," Sam said, finally looking back down. "I hate to say it, but the footage kinda just stops there. We have _no_ idea what Scarlett got from Chef."

"Although," Dakota interjected, "it _is_ pretty obvious that she put Alejandro in the tiebreaker hoping that he'd lose. Tough break," she told the shocked ex-contestant with a light giggle.

Alejandro sighed, and slumped back into the couch with a hand covering his face. "Well played, señorita," he muttered after sliding his hand down. "Still, since Chef was called away by the producers, whatever she's planning must have been uncovered, right?" he asked with a pleading look at the hosts.

Sam and Dakota shared an uncertain look. "Well, not quite...," Dakota said. "At least, if the producers _have_ figured it out, they haven't told _us_."

"Not that surprising, honestly," Sam admitted. "Still, it really makes you _wonder_."

Alejandro uttered a short and bitter laugh. "Oh yes, it certainly _does_. I'll be interested to see what comes of it in future episodes."

"Hey, how about we lighten the mood by checking in on our web cams?" Dakota suggested, leaning over to check the display in front of her. "We've got Ginger from Sudbury," she said before the camera pulled out enough to show the monitor, which flashed from static to a feed of a geeky young white girl with large glasses and her red hair in pig tails. "Hey Ginger!" Dakota greeted as the young girl waved.

"Alejandro, you're _sooo_ hot!" the girl squealed. "Who _cares_ if you cheated!"

"Thanks," the charmer said, flashing a smile that made Ginger swoon. "Good to see such _fine_ young ladies still adore me!"

"Heheh, yeah," Sam chuckled as Ginger waved once more and her feed cut to static. "We also have Steve," he said as he idly looked at his display, "the...uhh..._Yeti_? From _Vancouver_?"

The static on the monitor cut away to show none other than Sasquatchanakwa, or at least something that looked very much like it. "Uh, how's it goin'?" Sam asked awkwardly.

"Chris McLean," the yeti began to say in a deep and growling voice before it faded into something much more familiar, "is the best host ever! How'd _you_ get your own show?" He leaned towards the camera angrily, his long white teeth bared. "You _stink_!"

"Uhh, Mr. McLean?" a nervous voice came from off-camera on Steve the Yeti's end, drawing the beast's attention away from the camera. "About the hot tub?" 'Steve' smiled sheepishly. "Oh, wait, are you on the web cam Mr. McLean? Because I can come back later if you want."

"..._Chris_?" Sam and Dakota asked in disbelief as the audience laughed and clapped.

The yeti sighed in annoyance and removed his 'head, revealing it to be no more than a mask with Chris McLean underneath. "Yeah, fine, you caught me," he frowned. "Uggh, this never woulda happened if _Chef_ were still here. Thanks a lot, _Al_!" he shot an angry look through the web cam, and the studio camera panned over to the charmer who merely shrugged as the audience laughed again.

"Oh hey," Dakota said quickly with a smile from Sam to the audience, "I think it's time for a segment that we like to call, 'That's Gonna Leave a Mark!'"

The crowd cheered as a short introduction was played with clips of various contestants getting hurt throughout the seasons scrolling across a sunburst pattern in a manner similar to part of the Gilded Chris ceremony introduction, albeit with a different theme tune.

Sam chuckled as the shot cut back to him and Dakota. "Man, I always forget how much _humiliation_ we've all had to endure."

Dakota giggled. "And here's what all you fans out there _didn't_ get to see on the show!" She motioned back up as the television descended, and cut to the first in a series of clips set to a campy tune comprised primarily of a tuba, drums, and whistling.

The first clip showed Lightning fiddling with his boom mic during the acting challenge. Scarlett tapped on his shoulder and he swung around, smacking her in the head with the shaft of the microphone. "Ooh, now _there's_ a sound check Scarlett didn't need," Dakota said as the crowd laughed and a circle was drawn around the impact.

A bout of static heralded the second clip, in which Jo and Lightning were being carried by their legs by the animatronic monster. Jo pushed at the monster's fingers until she suddenly slipped free and fell, hitting the bare pavement below with a splat that earned another laugh from the audience. "And it looks like _Jo_ should've quit while she was, uh, _out_," Sam chuckled. The paused clip zoomed in on Lightning, who appeared to be laughing. "Looks like Lightning's happy though."

The third clip was shorter, focusing on Sammy searching through the boathouse with a small stack of buckets in her hands. She set them down and lifted up a small box with both hands, then set it back down and took a step backward. Naturally, she stepped right into the buckets she'd just put down and tripped, falling flat on her face. A second later, the box she'd lifted fell on top of her as well. "Ouch, poor Sammy!" Dakota said as Amy's distinct laugh was heard in the background.

Next was a close-up of Jo again, wearing a cowboy hat and clutching a water pistol. She spun around the corner she'd been leaning up against and flung open a door, only to crash face-first into a wall on the other side. "Oh yes, that was _great_," Alejandro laughed as a cartoonish image of him bent over with laughter was drawn on the screen.

"Not as great at _this_ I bet," Dakota added playfully as the panned out to show the charmer in the same position as the drawing of him, only to have a relatively large water balloon drop on his back from above.

"Hrmpf," Alejandro snorted off-screen as the next clip began to play. It was another short one, consisting of nothing more than Mama Alien Chef walking forward with determination only to slip and fall on a pile of his own slime, his gun flying off-screen before a few shots rained back down on the fallen cook.

"Now _that's_ gonna leave a mark," Dakota said as Chef was circled and the campy background music came to an end and the scene cut back to the set. "Honestly," she said after a bit more giggling, "I am _so_ glad we didn't have to go through any of that, right Sam?"

"Totally," the gamer chuckled before putting an arm around his girlfriend. "Still, it'd be worth it as long as it meant I got to stay close to _you_."

"_Aww_," Dakota said with a blush. "I'm glad we get to stay together _here_, though." She leaned in and kissed Sam, earning an 'Aww' from the audience, Bridgette, and Staci as the beginnings of a familiar tune began to play in the background.

"Ah, to have such a life," Alejandro chuckled playfully as the lovers continued to lightly make out.

"They're not the _only_ ones," Shawn said with a smirk, leaning forward and gesturing to Geoff and Bridgette with his thumb; the two blondes had also started to kiss.

"That's it for today," Sam said as the kiss was broken and the Aftermath theme began to play.

"But don't worry, we'll be back next time!" Dakota added with a wink. "After all, the season's only just beginning!"

"And we're gonna be joining you live again, for another Aftermath!" Sam continued in a somewhat awkward tone.

"Don't forget to join Chris next time," Dakota said with a mischievous smile, "for the next _dramatically_ thrilling episode of Total! Drama! Action!" The audience cheered wildly, and another quick jingle played as the scene cut to the show's title card, the block letters gleaming one last time before fading to black.

/

The scene faded back into the stage, now deserted save for Sam and Dakota still on their couch. Sam had taken out one of his portable game consoles at some point, and was happily playing while Dakota snuggled up close to him and watched.

"You did pretty good out there, y'know," she told him. "Not, umm, _perfect_, but better than you thought you would."

"Really?" Sam replied with mild surprise, turning his gaze away from his game. "Because it sure didn't _feel_ that way. I'm kinda surprised I didn't mess up _more_."

"I'm pretty sure _most_ people feel like that the first few times they're on stage," Dakota said. "I mean, _I_ didn't, but Daddy's always said I was a natural at this. Umm, anyway," she said quickly after noticing the small frown on her boyfriend's face as he resumed his game, "I'm _sure_ you'll get over it, and the next show will be even _better_!"

Sam let out a breath, then put his game down and smiled. "You know what, I bet you're right. I got through it this time, and with you by my side, I can only get better!" He kissed her again, and as they started to make out the stage lights were shut off.

Dakota giggled as they kept going.

(Fade to Credits)

* * *

**Author's Note - Post Script**

There are, admittedly, a number of things I'm uncertain about regarding this chapter. The first of which is the title, which is a pun on 'Win or Lose' if that isn't already obvious. I couldn't really think of any good puns based on one of the guest's names, so I ended up going with that. I would have liked to play up the 'last season's final three are out already' aspect more, but with so much else to get through that didn't really pan out.

Hopefully I nailed the interview portion, and gave each one an equal amount of time. Likewise, I hope that it has the right degrees of both similarity and difference compared with canon - it's still the same Aftermath format, but the different hosts bring their own unique touch/influence/perspective that makes it interesting. Having to do an extra interview meant that I didn't really have the space for banter or disagreement between Dakota and Sam, but I think it worked out anyway.

And yeah, for those wondering I had no intention of having Chef as a guest - as far as I'm concerned he's still 'talking' with the producers, more or less.

I think I did pretty well overall, but as always I'm curious as to what you all think. Especially with the, ah, top secret footage of Scarlett and Chef's conversation that wasn't included in the previous episode.

I'm looking forward to those reviews, and to next week!

\- Fangren

* * *

**Appendix: TSA Eliminated Contestants**

Geoff - (Tied for 14th Place)

Bridgette - (Tied for 14th Place)

Shawn - (13th Place)

Alejandro - (12th Place)


	7. Chapter 7 - The Dawnshank Redemption

**Author's Note**

Hello everyone! Once again not much to say this week, so I'll dive right into the reviews.

**The Beautiful Kayla Storm:** Thanks! And DJ and Sammy are already in an relationship, although it isn't really public right now. Also, don't expect Topher and Sierra to ever get together in the Shuffled-verse.

**Ali6132:** Thank you so much! And good to know I've continued to make Amy so unlikeable. Oh, and this episode's genre is prison movies, not police movies.

**Knifez:** Well, good to know I guess. Seems like you aren't alone at least, although I personally like the chance to see what the non-contestants are doing. Good to know that I've done well with Sam and Dakota as hosts.

**Proxxy the First:** Oh, I wouldn't worry about Blaineley (or the song calling her out) too much. Even with different host's she's still her underhanded and annoying self, so even if things don't end up the exact same as in canon she'll still end up getting called out in song and then forced onto the show. Most likely, anyway.

**Zak Saturday:** Yeah, that's kind of what I was hoping somebody would say. I'm really looking forward to how that subplot plays out.

**acosta perez jose ramiro:** Good to know I got those roles down! I was really worried about how they were coming off, so it's great seeing it go as I'd intended.

**Madison Wooten:** Happy Spring Break! Oh and, seeing as I added an extra contestant from the start specifically to deal with Izzy's return in this canon episode, it's safe to say that nobody will be returning today.

**ultrablud2:** You have a point, although nobody would have predicted Geoff to take 'pleasure' in it either, but it's still something that happened in canon. At any rate, I'll be exploring that aspect of Dakota in future Aftermaths. As for Sam...yeah, that's what I was going for. He struck me as being the sort who wouldn't feel very much at home on stage, especially considering what it is he was supposed to be doing, and I felt it would make for great contrast with Dakota.

**Cole D. soul:** Oh! Right, looks like I really did misunderstand. Also, as I told Madison Wooten, nobody will be returning this episode since I already have an extra contestant to be eliminated. That's all I'll say for now.

**Ddynamo:** Yeah I can see Courtney having some of Amy's lines as well...as for your other questions: 1) As I recall, I assigned each one a number and then just used random dot org in an incredibly inefficient matter. Nowadays, I would have just used a randomized list. 2) Ignored as requested. 3) Hmm...sure, why not. A least one of the TSWT newbies also competed in the canon version of World Tour. Don't expect any other hints though. 4) ...good to know?

**JinxQueen:** Thanks, I'm glad people caught it. As for how Dakota develops...well, you'll have to wait and see!

**FOWLKON:** Interesting predictions, as always. And yeah, Action is kind of...lackluster compared to island and World Tour, but I think it does have it's moments.

**I. M. Poik:** Nice list, although you added Sierra when you shouldn't have. And yeah, I'll do my best to improve what I can with the characters that have yet to debut. As for the exclusive clips for Beach Blanket Bogus and the Aftermath and such...to be honest, I just don't find them to be as interesting as the post-elimination ones. Sorry for disappointing you.

**bruno14:** I'm glad you liked it! Thanks for the review as always.

**Star Saber21:** Thanks! I'm happy most everyone enjoyed the first Aftermath, especially after I was pretty nervous about how I'd done with the different format.

**80jj:** I'm happy you enjoyed it so much, and honestly the mythology gag with Geoff and Bridgette was just too funny to pass up. As for B's real name...I really don't know when, or even if, I'll get around to revealing it. There's really no obvious place for it to show up...except maybe the Celebrity Manhunt special? Same goes for Beardo, which now that I think about it probably is just a nickname.

**OMAC001:** I'm happy you've enjoyed what's been written so far, and i hope you continue to enjoy what has yet to come!

And that's now finished, so time for the reminder of who's still in the game:

Screaming Gaffers \- Scarlett, Lightning, Beth, Sammy, Beardo

Killer Grips \- Jo, DJ, Dawn, B, Sierra, Topher

I hope you're ready for life on the inside, because it's time for the show!

\- Fangren

* * *

**Episode 7 – The Dawnshank Redemption**

The standard opening music began as the shot panned down from the blazing sun. "Last week, the dry desert heat baked our favorite pardners like roadkill on the black top!" A tumbleweed was shown rolling down the street of the Western set before being incinerated, and Chris stepped in front of the castmates in his cowboy outfit. "But, crispy bottoms or not, they still had to mount their ancient steed..." The old horse was shown farting, followed by part of Sierra and Topher's climb up the ladder. "...From a _hundred-foot_ platform!" the host exclaimed with a laugh as the platform in question was shown from below, and then from a distance.

"But that wasn't all! A quick-draw showdown pit Jo against Alejandro, trying to get the other soaked first." The beginning of the duel was shown, including the initial shots and the two running off into the scenery. "And after they both dealt with a few of my, uh, _surprises_," Chris chuckled as various water cannons and explosions were shown, "it was _Jo_ who came out on top. However, after a pep talk from Dawn, DJ ended up spilling the beans about his alliance with _Chef_," the gentle giant's interruption was shown, "which ticked off the newly-eliminated _Alejandro_, who called off his _own_ deal with the big guy." The arch-villain's declaration was shown as well, and Chris sighed.

"Which...kinda ticked off the _producers_," he said in a depressed tone as the relevant footage played. "And with Chef taking the 3:10 to Scandaltown, _I_ was left to pick up the pieces. Thanks a _lot_, DJ," he said bitterly over a clip of the brickhouse cringing.

"Anyway, with _eleven_ remaining, it's anyone's guess who will win this week!" A short clip of the Grips celebrating at the end of the previous challenge was shown, followed by a close-up of Chris' pocket watch before the recap footage ended. The camera now showed the cast trailers, with nobody in sight. "Will the Grips manage to win again?" the host asked as the shot moved to the team of six, loitering together beneath a tree. Sierra sneezed and rubbed her nose, earning a scowl from Topher before the pretty boy sneezed as well.

"Or will the _Gaffers_ even things out?" Chris asked next as the shot cut to the team of five, all sitting outside at a picnic table.

"Man, of _course_ we will!" Lightning said enthusiastically, kissing his biceps.

"Rrriiight...," Chris said slowly in a close-up before smiling and pointing at the camera. "See for yourself, next, on Total! Drama! _Action_!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be...famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be...famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

The episode proper opened on a scene of the morning sun, a lilting tune playing as the camera panned down and over to the cast trailers. The sound of snoring could be heard as the shot zoomed further in on the boys' trailer, and cut inside. Lightning in his top bunk was the only one on the left wall, and the scene panned right to show Topher, Beardo, and B all in the beds they'd picked at the start of the season.

An air horn was sounded loudly as the shot zoomed in on Topher, who woke up with a start and immediately sneezed. The focus switched to B, who opened his eyes blearily and rubbed them before Beardo sat up, stretched his arms, and yawned from the bunk above. Lightning yawned as well as he swung his legs over the side of his bed and jumped down with a grin.

"Lightning calls dibs on the bathroom!" he said, rushing to the door of the trailer. The scene cut to a close-up of the handle as he grabbed it and pulled to no effect, leading him to frown and try pulling with both hands, still with no results. "Sha-dang _door_, why don't you open?"

"Yo, you want some help with that?" Beardo offered as he climbed down from his bunk.

"_Excuse_ me?" Lightning asked, looking back over his shoulder with an offended look. "Dude, if _Lightning_ can't get this open, what makes you think any of you _can_?"

"Uh, I think he means we should try opening it _together_," Topher suggested, his stuffy nose affecting his voice. "Like, four guys pulling is better than one, right?"

He sneezed, and Lightning frowned. "Dude, we can do this with _three_ guys. Ain't no way Lightning's gonna be pulling somethin' next to _your_ sick behind."

Topher rolled his eyes, then blew his nose on a tissue.

xxx

"Yeah, so I caught _Sierra's_ cold," Topher told the confessional camera. "Honestly, we should have gotten rid of her," he paused to sneeze, "_sooner_."

xxx

A somewhat hectic tune played as the scene cut back to the guys' trailer as Lighting was shown pulling on the door handle again. The camera pulled out to show Beardo pulling Lightning, and B pulling Beardo, as the three boys worked in unison to try and open their door.

"Okay," Lightning said as they paused to rest, "let's try this again! One, two, three, sha-_pull_!" At his count the three began pulling with all their might, and the camera zoomed in on the handle as the background music peaked, and the handle snapped clean off. The three young men collapsed backwards in a heap.

"Sha-_dang_!" Lightning exclaimed, his eyes wide as he looked at the broken handle he was holding. Beardo made a sad trombone effect, and the three got back on their feet.

"Well _that_ didn't work," Topher said. "Now what?"

Before anyone said anything else, B pursed his lips and walked forward with a determined look, snatching the handle from Lightning as he walked past.

The camera cut back outside as the sound of power tools began to come from the guys' trailer. The scene panned over to the girls' trailer as tense music began to play, and the camera cut inside to show Sammy jiggling the girls' door handle with a concerned look on her face.

"I really don't think this is gonna work," she said as she finally stopped tugging on the handle and turned back to the bunks. Beth and Dawn were sitting on one of them, with Sierra sitting on the lower bunk next to them.

"Uggh, let _me_ try again," Jo said walking past the beds and up to the door. Sammy quickly stepped aside, and the jock-ette began pulling at the handle to no effect. She quickly gave that up, though, in favor of barging at the door with her shoulder, but that didn't work either.

"By all means, continue to risk injuring your shoulder," Scarlett said, the viewpoint rotating around to show her examining one of the trailer's smaller windows. "However, it's quite obvious that we won't be able to escape that way."

"Says _you_," Jo huffed. "I just need more room to get a run-up!" She took a few steps off-camera as Sammy watched uncertainly, then charged towards the door shoulder-first. The door bent, but didn't open, and the jock-ette bounced back.

"Perhaps we should try a _different_ exit?" Dawn suggested, pointing up at the ceiling. Beth and Sierra looked up and the camera followed their gazes, stopping on an emergency hatch. "I'm certain we should be able to squeeze through it."

Sammy, Jo, and Scarlett rejoined the others, all looking up thoughtfully. The camera zoomed in on the nice twin as she tilted her head down and looked at Dawn, who smiled at her.

xxx

"After what happened at the last elimination," Sammy confessed anxiously, "I've been wondering if maybe Dawn really _does_ like DJ. I mean, she _has_ been spending a lot of time alone with him lately. Still," she looked down and started to twirl a strand of her hair with a finger, "DJ _is_ kind of my boyfriend right now, so I really shouldn't worry. Not, uhh, that I'm _jealous_ or anything,," she told the camera quickly, "because Idon't think I_ am_. Is that weird?"

xxx

"Well, you're probably our best bet," Sammy told her petite friend. "I mean, you _are_ the smallest one here."

Dawn blinked. "I am, aren't I?" She looked back up at the hatch, then back down before getting down off the bed. "Although I _think_ I'll need a boost." The shot pulled back, showcasing her relative shortness and the distance from her to the ceiling hatch.

"Ehh, we can get you up there _easy_," Jo shrugged as she walked over to the girl. "And anyway, I'd like to see the guys top _our_ plan."

/

The scene flashed back over to the guys, showing Beardo and Topher lounging on their respective beds. As the human soundboard idly produced a variety of sound effects and animals noises, Lightning came flying through the air with a crash.

"Dude," the uber-jock said after standing up, "you mind gettin' over here so Lightning can sha-climb up and reach that vent?"

"Why?" Beardo asked as the sound of a hammer, a power drill, and a saw were heard in quick succession from off-camera. "B's gonna have us outta here in no time!"

"Lightning ain't got _time_ for no time!" the overachiever protested. "He needs his DPA _now_!"

"Yeah, well, good luck with _that_," Beardo told him with a roll of his eyes. "I want breakfast too, but ain't _none_ of us fittin' through that vent."

Lightning scowled up at the vent. "Man, if DJ were here Lightning woulda already gotten up there."

"If DJ were here," Topher countered with a sniff, "he wouldn't be making our delicious _breakfast_ right now."

Lightning looked at him thoughtfully. "Huh, you're right. Still gotta get outta here though!" he said before turning back to climb his bunk while Topher and Beardo rolled their eyes again.

/

The scene cut over to the craft services tent before flashing inside to DJ standing in the kitchen wearing an apron. "Honestly," he said in annoyance as he walked over to the fridge and opened it, revealing it's rather disgusting-looking contents. "How am I supposed to cook three meals a day when I _barely_ get any fresh food in here?" The point-of-view moved inside the fridge as he tapped his chin thoughtfully, moving aside a carton of of orange juice and picking up a bunch of brown bananas. He sniffed them and shrugged, then took them out and closed the door.

"Man, I _almost_ get why Chef's food stinks so much," he said to himself as he peeled a few of the bananas and placed them on a cutting board. "He could probably do better, though," he added while he chopped the bananas up with a large knife. He then began to whistle a happy tune as he carried the board over to a pot on a nearby stove, a spoon already in it and a whiff of steam coming off it. He happily slid the banana pieces into it, then set the board aside and gave it a stir. After a few seconds he gave it a taste, and frowned.

"Good thing I brought some of Momma's special _flavor_ blend with me," he said, pulling out a small shaker with hearts on the label and smiling. "Momma Spice makes _everything_ taste good." He sprinkled a little bit into the pot, gave it another stir, and smiled when he tasted it again.

/

The scene flashed back to the guys' trailer, cutting inside as B walked over to join his roommates with a frown.

"No luck?" Beardo asked, getting a shake in reply.

"Well then," Lightning said, "I think it's time we showed that door who's boss and rush it! Who's with Lightning?" B, Topher, and Beardo shared a shrug, and moments later the four boys were charging across their room, yelling at the top of their lungs.

The door opened outside just before they reached it, and unable to stop themselves they flew outside, past a smirking Chris wearing a police uniform, and landing next to the girls who had already gathered outside their own trailer.

"Hope you all enjoyed your first taste of the _gulag_," Chris said as he walked over to them.

"Gulag?" Beth asked as Topher stood up and dusted himself off behind her. "Is that food, or am I thinking of something else?"

"Oh, you're thinking of something _else_ alright," the host told her. "Because today," the camera quick-panned to a prison set with high wall rimmed with barbed wire and several wooden dummies in prison uniforms set up in a courtyard, "is _Prison Flick_ day!"

The castmates groaned. "Well, at least we don't have _Chef_ around to make things worse," Jo said.

"_Hey_," Chris told her sharply, shaking a baton at her, "it's bad enough I had to set this challenge up without him, don't make it worse by rubbing it in!" Jo crossed her arms and rolled her eyes, but said nothing. "Anyway," the host continued after adjusting his hat and taking a deep breath, "_prison_! The confinement, the _claustrophobia_!" he said, getting excited as he began to pace back and forth in front of the unimpressed contestants, a tense tune building up in the background. "The vile, nasty food! And you're always lookin' over your shoulder, 'cause Mr. _Killer Dude_ wants to cut ya for takin' the last tater tot! And no matter how hard you try, digging out spoonfuls of dirt, year after year, there's _no escape_!"

"Unless you get voted _off_, of course!" he added plainly after the music had peaked.

xxx

"Pff," Jo scoffed, "this show's as bad as a prison to begin with. I can handle being 'locked up' by McLean."

xxx

"Lockdown, people," Chris said with a grin as the footage cut back to him in the interior of a prison lit by a handful of stage lights. "Let's get this challenge _started_!" The shot pulled back, revealing the teams standing across from each other next to tables filled with a variety of cooking dishes. A covered cart sat near the hot, and in the background were a pair of cages.

"Teams, take a prisoner from the competition," he told them in a close-up as footsteps were heard in the background, "and hand 'em over to our _Warden_ to be locked up!" The shot pulled back to show that a young white man with dark hair and an average build had walked up wearing an outfit similar to Chef's drill instructor uniform, although looking much less menacing. Chris briefly gave him an unimpressed look, and the shot cut over to the Grips.

"Okay," Jo whispered as the six huddled, "we need to pick their weakest link, and that's gonna be either Ponytail or Blondie."

"But what if whoever we pick is taken out of the challenge?" Topher asked. "Maybe we should lock up someone _stronger_, like Lightning."

"_Obviously_ that's not what we're gonna be doing," Sierra countered. "We should pick someone who'll break the _easiest_, just like Jo said."

"And what if you're _wrong_, hmm?" Topher shot back, his voice rising. "Then they'll have the advantage!"

The shot cut over to the Gaffers' huddle. "Okay, we have _got_ to pick Topher for this," Lightning suggested. "The dude _freaks_ if he gets so much as a _hair_ outta line and can't fix it."

"Oh yeah," Beth said. "I remember when you locked him out of the _bathroom_ that time, he ended up curled up in a ball with a _bag_ on his head for _four hours_."

Beardo, Sammy, and Scarlett smirked. "I think the choice is obvious, then," the brainiac said.

"Choices?" Chris announced suddenly, turning a devilish smile to the team on his left. "Gaffers?"

"We choose Topher," Scarlett announced, smirking at the competition. Topher sneezed, and then groaned.

"Grips?" the host followed up, taking a few steps to the other team. "Now remember, this is an important choice. Whoever gets the upper hand here could win the whole _challenge_!"

"And _that_," Jo announced with a smirk, "is why we're picking _Sammy_." Dawn and DJ looked down in shame, and Sammy gulped.

"Today's _first_ game is," Chris announced as he walked back over to the covered cart, "the Prison _Chow_-llenge!" A few deep notes played as he grabbed the cover and whipped it away, revealing the stinking, rotting, half eaten food lying beneath. "Each team of prison chefs whips up the foulest, nastiest, most _barf-inducing_ slop this side of Alcatraz," he explained as the camera moved in for a close-up of the 'food', then cut to a cringing DJ and a again to a somewhat surprised-looking Lightning.

"Samey and Topher _have_ to stomach as much as they can," the host explained. "Last one to power-hurl wins!"

"H-hey, we don't _really_ have to do this, right?" Topher asked nervously as the Warden herded him into the cage closest to the Grips. "I'm _way_ too good-looking to go to prison!"

"That's what they _all_ say," Chris told him with a smile as the door slammed shut and the camera pulled back, showing that Sammy had been locked up as well.

xxx

"I think I _might_ have gotten lucky here," Sammy confessed uncertainly as she rubbed her arm. "Well, the _team_ did anyway, I still have to eat whatever ever gross prison food they make. But Amy used to make me eat worms and mud and stuff all the _time_ when we were little, so I'm pretty sure my stomach is stronger than Topher's."

xxx

The camera panned across the Grips' table, showing only a handful of dishes filled with unidentifiable mush. "This day just keeps getting worse and worse!" Topher said as he looked at it in horror.

"Ohh," Sammy whined from her cage, "I _really_ hope this is worth it..."

"Have I ever let you down?" Chris asked before quickly adding "Wait! Scratch that!" He smiled before continuing. "Anyway, the _winning_ team gets _this_!" He held up a golden shovel, which gleamed in the light.

"A...a _shovel_?" Sammy asked skeptically.

xxx

"Well, I believe the _next_ challenge is fairly obvious," Scarlett told the confessional camera. "I mean, why else would he have a shovel as the reward? Still, I hope it isn't _solid_ gold, since the metal's malleability and density would make it a poor digging tool."

xxx

"Prisoners ready?" called from between the two cages. "Aaaand, culinate!" He raised his arms and threw them down like flags as a tune similar to what often played during elimination ceremonies began softly in the background.

The host continued his rapid commentary as the Gaffers were shown making their first moves around a large bowl of something brown. "Lightning goes _straight_ for the horse lips, while Scarlett starts mixing up slimy anchovy paste and curdled gravy!" The athlete dropped his ingredient into the bowl and walked away while the brainiac rolled up her sleeves and started working with another bowl, and the camera panned slightly to the right. "Oh, and it looks like Beth has come up with nice supply of dead hair for her team!"

The wannabe smiled as she approached the table with several hairbrushes in her arms. "This should be good, right?" she asked as she removed the accumulated hair and tossed it in the main bowl.

"I don't see why it wouldn't," Scarlett told her before pouring her own mix into the bowl. The background music faded as they walked towards the food cart off-screen.

Beardo arrived from that same direction carrying a green and half-eaten chicken and whistling a jaunty kitchen tune. He slammed the carcass on the Gaffers' table and began to slice hunks of meat off it with a knife. When he'd picked it mostly cleaned he smiled, smashed the skeleton with a mallet, and dumped the bones into the mixture.

/

The camera cut over to the Grips as Sierra worked up a large sneeze and pointed it directly into their own bowl. "Looks like the Grips are making the most out of their teammate's _sickness_," Chris commented as B stepped forward with a cheese grater and a moldy wedge of cheese, "and B adds a topping of sun-ripened cheese." The silent genius quickly grated the cheese and walked away as DJ walked up with an uncertain look on his face. He frowned at the fly-ridden mess of a meal his team had created, then reached inside his pockets.

"Oh no," Jo said suddenly, putting a hand on the brickhouse's shoulder and pulling him away, "no _way_ am I letting you near that. You're a _good_ cook, and we're trying to make something _bad_."

"Oh, yeah, right," DJ said a bit nervously before hanging his head and walking away.

"Time's up!" Chris announced suddenly and with a grin. "Jailbirds, I hope your _appetites_ are primed!"

"One order of mashed _goat brains_ with cockroaches in snot sauce, comin' right up!" Jo said with a smirk as she delivered her team's bowl of brown-and-greenish 'food' over to Sammy.

"I think I'll let you discover for _yourself_ what we've put together," Scarlett said as she walked past Jo and Sammy to take a bowl of something mostly brown to Topher.

"Looks," Topher said with forced confidence before gulping, "not, uh, _incredibly_...horrifying..."

"Are you maggots _ready_?" Chris asked excitedly. The shot cut to a close-up of something squirming beneath brown mush before a cockroach popped out and began crawling around, the camera zooming out to show a horrified Sammy. "One minute to down that chow! _Aaaaanndd_...Dig in!"

The cheerleader took a spoonful of prison food and forced it into her mouth, cringing and shuddering immediately. The camera panned over to Topher, who was still looking at his first scoop with wide eyes. "Okay," he muttered to himself, "you can do this."

xxx

"Okay, so I'm not the _best_ at eating challenges," the handsome boy admitted in the make-up trailer. "I need to watch what I eat in order to maintain my good looks for when I'm on camera, and even after eating _Chef's_ food I don't have the iron stomach this challenge needs." He paused and sneezed. "Well, at least I can't really _smell_ it right now."

xxx

The footage cut back to Topher as he bit his lip, then plunged the first spoonful into his mouth. He shuddered, gave it one crunchy chew, and moaned. "What did you _put_ in this, rotted fish guts?"

Scarlett gave him an impish smirk and shrugged. "As I said before, I'd rather not say what's in it."

Topher swallowed and took another spoonful. "Great..." He ate it and paused, then opened his mouth and pulled out a long hair. He shuddered yet again as he flung it away from him.

A quick-pan over to Sammy showed the blonde forcing her way through her own meal. "This," she said with a disgusted grimace after a swallow, "isn't _so_ bad, as long as I don't _think_ about it." She took another bite, shuddered, and swallowed.

"Wow, who knew she had such a strong stomach?" Sierra said idly as she watched with the the rest of her team. "I mean, I sneezed into it, like, _five_ times! Plus, those cockroaches were still _moving_!"

"Excuse me," Topher said indignantly after swallowing his latest bit of mystery food, "could you _please_ not talk about that kinda stuff while I'm trying to eat?"

"Umm, I can talk about whatever I _want_," Sierra countered with equal indignation, walking over to her rival. "It's no different than all the times _you've_ commentated during-" She paused suddenly as her nose flared, and she began the early stages of a powerful sneeze. A few deep and tense notes played in the background.

Another spoonful of whatever culinary atrocity the Gaffers had created already on its way to his mouth, Topher realized what was going to happen a moment too late. His eyes went wide as Sierra sneezed in his direction, and the footage slowed down as a noticeable amount of snot was followed through the air, landing on Topher's spoon just as his lips closed around it.

Everyone, even the Gaffers, went silent and looked over at the wannabe host as he froze, the spoon already sticking out of his closed mouth. His eyes went even wider than they'd already been, and the spoon clattered to the floor as his mouth gaped slightly.

"Excuse me," Sierra said plainly as she wiped her nose on the back of her arm.

Topher quickly put his hands over his mouth as his cheeks bulged, the bowl of food he'd been holding falling to the ground with an off-screen splat. He vomited moments later, in a stream that hit a stunned Sierra in the head.

"Samey keeps it down for the Screaming Gaffers," Chris announced over a piece of triumphant music, "and wins the reward!"

Scarlett crossed her arms and smirked as the other three Gaffers cheered, already holding the golden shovel in her hand.

"Umm, am I allowed to throw up now?" Sammy asked cautiously as Chris let her out.

"Hey, as long as you don't get any on me, go right ahead," he told her.

"Thanks," the cheerleader said, holding her stomach as she walked out of her cage. The moment the host left she turned around and grabbed the side of her former cell, and puked right into it.

"Are you gonna be alright?" Beth asked with a worried look.

"Yeah," Sammy said, turning around and sighing softly. "I'm glad Sierra _sneezed_ when she did, I don't think I could've lasted much longer."

"Really? 'Cause you looked like you were doing pretty good," Beth said. "I mean, you ate all those cockroaches and brains and stuff without even _almost_ hurling!"

"R-right," Sammy said with a queasy look. "Umm, can you excuse me for a sec?" Without waiting for a response, she turned back around and puked again.

/

"Well _that_ was pathetic," Jo said as she walked over to Topher and the thoroughly stunned and still vomit-covered Sierra. "Seriously, you couldn't just force it down?"

"Hey, I was _barely_ hanging in there already!" Topher protested. "You can't expect me to handle swallowing _her_ snot too!"

"_Blondie_ did it just fine," Jo told him. "Still, since it was the _Gaffers_ who ultimately got us into this by locking your prissy butt up, I'll cut you a little slack. Just don't mess up again." Topher slumped and sighed in annoyance before walking off. Jo watched him leave for a moment before turning her attention back to Sierra, who hadn't moved since she'd been puked on. "Uhh, are you gonna be okay?"

She cautiously put her hand on her teammate's shoulder, but quickly recoiled when Sierra suddenly gasped. "OH EM GEE," she exclaimed with wide, panicked eyes before giving a high-pitched scream that caused Jo to jam her fingers in her ears. It only lasted a few seconds, and when it finished Sierra was left breathing rapidly. "I have Topher's _barf_ on me! Quick," she suddenly grabbed Jo, "get me some hot water and industrial-strength disinfectant!"

"Uhh...," the jock-ette began before Sierra let her go and barged past.

"No time! I'll do it myself!" Jo was left scratching her head in confusion as the young woman ran out of sight.

xxx

"Okay, that was _so_ on purpose," Sierra told the confessional camera, clean of all vomit and with her hands angrily on her hips. "My sneeze was just an _accident_, but Topher _deliberately_ barfed all over me, I saw it! And don't think for a _second_ that I'm gonna let it go," she growled, slamming her hands on the counter in front of her and leaning towards the camera. "This is the _last straw_, you hear me Topher Myles Julien Heidemann!"

xxx

The scene faded back in to a shot of the team and host in the prison courtyard, the two groups of teens each standing by a dirty laundry cart. "Elimination challenge!" Chris exclaimed happily. "Here we go! No 'Get Outta Jail Free' cards here, people! _This_, is 'Escape from Total Drama Pen.'!" The camera quick-panned away from Chris' close-up to one of the carts.

"Each team must hop in their laundry carts, while one member pushes through the obstacle course to _freedom_!" As he spoke, the scene flashed to a shot of wooden dummies dressed like prison guards with automatic swinging arms, and then again to a pair of narrow platforms over a water pool with large sandbags swinging back and forth between them, and once more to the prisoner dummies with various sharp objects attached to their hands.

"When you reach the wall," Chris continued as the camera moved back to the group shot, "get _diggin_'! First team to reach the boxcar to freedom wins immunity!" The shot quick-panned over to a pair of boxcars sitting on a small section of rail tracks. "Convicts, select a pusher!"

"I'll do it!" DJ and Jo volunteered simultaneously, and the two quickly turned their heads to each other.

"Well, sha-_Lightning_ is gonna push for us!" the overachiever declared, rolling his eyes at the Grips. "And _nobody_ better argue with that!" He turned to face the rest of his team, who were already starting to climb into the cart.

"Why would we?" Sammy asked as she and Beth helped pull Beardo up.

"You're clearly our best option," Scarlett added as she hopped up and threw a leg over the side, still carrying the golden shovel.

Lightning smiled. "It's about _time_ you all realized that! Now sit tight and let _Lightning_ carry you to victory!"

"Hold up," the jock-ette said as the focus moved back to the Grips, "what makes _you_ so confident you can get us all through those obstacles?"

DJ smiled. "If I can stand up to Chef, I can handle a few _dummies_."

"Hmmm," Jo said, rubbing her chin as she gave the gentle giant a skeptical look, "I don't know. With _Lightning_ pushing for the Gaffers and no shovel to dig with we're gonna need all the _speed_ we can get, and that means me."

"Hey, I'm fast!" DJ protested.

"When you're running _scared_, maybe," Jo told him.

"Just give me a _chance_, okay?" the brickhouse said. "I know I can do this!"

Jo rolled her eyes. "Alright, what do the rest of you think? You want me or the big guy to push us?"

"I'm fine with DJ pushing us," Dawn said first, soon followed by a point in the brickhouse's direction by B once the silent young man had thought for a moment.

"Well _I_ think Jo should push us," Sierra declared.

"And you?" Jo asked the last member of their team, who was still stroking his chin in thought.

"Sorry," Topher said, "but I think it's about time we put those _muscles_ of DJ's to good use."

Jo snorted. "Fine!" she exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air and walking towards the cart. "Have it your way then. Just don't blame _me_ when we don't win."

/

"This is it, teams," Chris announced as the two groups were shown in their starting positions – most of the teams in their carts, with Lightning and DJ ready to push. "On your marks...," the host said as a few deep notes began the fast-paced music that would play during the challenge, "get set...escape!"

The two started pushing immediately, and Lightning managed to get an early lead for the Gaffers. However, DJ was gaining momentum, and the two kicked up a cloud of dust behind them as they entered the first obstacle – the sharp-handed prisoner dummies. The camera watched from above as they weaved around and through the field in different directions, and at one point it looked like their paths were going to intersect. The two boys briefly locked eyes and steeled themselves as their carts bounced off each other, rattling their teammates inside.

"Ahh!" Sammy said as she bumped into Scarlett, nearly dislodging the brainiac's glasses.

"Whoa!" Topher exclaimed as he lost his own balance and fell into Sierra.

"Eeek! Don't _touch_ me!" Sierra shrieked, violently shoving the boy back to the left side of the cart just as it moved in that direction, causing it to tip slightly and veer a little to the left.

"Hey, watch it!" the brickhouse chastised as he forced the cart back around. He looked forward and grinned, the viewpoint shifting to show the start of the next obstacle – the narrow platforms over water, with large bags already swinging back and forth threateningly. His cart began to rock again, and he looked down to see that Topher and Sierra had started shoving and slap-fighting despite Jo's efforts to get between them.

"Would you two _quit it_ already?" the jock-ette shouted, getting no reaction from the two rivals as DJ pushed them up onto the platform.

The focus moved to Lightning as he confidently pushed his team along ahead, the four having mostly ducked down to get away from the swinging bags. However, Beardo's bushy hair stuck up enough for one of the bags to brush past it, which slowed it down enough that Lightning ran face-first into it while he'd been distracted looking back at the other team. It knocked him on his butt and caused him to let go of the cart, which managed to keep rolling along without him.

"This is our chance!" Jo barked as she kept trying to both put herself between a now-frazzled Topher and Sierra and keep her head down to avoid a collision with the swinging bags. B and Dawn had begun to help restrain the two as well, but it wasn't enough to stop them from causing the cart to rock and sway dangerously. "Keep it steady and we can catch up!"

"Right!" DJ nodded, picking up his pace. He managed to get them past Lightning and another two bags, but after the camera cut to a third bag on the peak of its up-swing and Jo quickly ducked, the footage slowed down as the bag hit Sierra in the back of the head, propelling her forward.

Her open mouth hit Topher's open mouth, and they froze for a second with wide eyes.

And then they violently pushed away from each other, their cries of horror and disgust interspersed with a few sneezes.

"How _dare_ you!" Topher cried in outrage as he and Sierra resumed their fighting more furiously than ever, quickly pushing Jo to the side.

"How dare _you_!" Sierra countered as the cart began to rock and sway again.

"Guys, stop fighting!" DJ said as they caught up to the Gaffers' cart, which had stopped at the end of the second obstacle. The viewpoint shifted to show them watching in shock as the Grips approached unsteadily, with Lightning running just inches behind them. Another shove from Sierra caused the front left wheel of the Grips' cart to leave the platform as it rapidly approached the end of the second obstacle, and the camera zoomed in as it dipped down and hit the corner where the narrow platform ended, causing the cart to spill forward.

"Move! Move! Move!" Scarlett commanded as Lightning retook control over the Gaffer's cart and sped forward, past the pile of Grips and into the final obstacle.

The camera followed them as they weaved through the guard-dummies, becoming more and more excited as they neared the wall. "Oh yeah," Lightning said, "Lightning brings in the _win_ for his team!" In his confidence, he closed his eyes and began humming a victory tune.

"Not quite yet," Scarlett corrected. "You _should_ slow down now though."

A second passed in silence as they kept going at the same speed. "Umm, Lightning?" Beth said nervously as she eyed the approaching wall.

"Can we slow _down_ now?" Sammy added to no reaction from the overachiever.

A moment later Beardo let out a sharp and shrill whistle that finally opened Lightning's eyes and caused him to skid to a stop just in front of the wall. "Huh? That you, Coach?" the uber-jock said, looking around in confusion as his teammates breathed a sigh of relief.

"There's no Coach around," Scarlett told him with shovel in hand as she and the other got out of the cart, "but as Team Captain I need you to start digging." She handed him the golden tool.

"Sha-Lightning!" the athlete exclaimed, eagerly jumping over to the large 'X' and starting work.

"The rest of us should focus on moving the loose dirt away from the hole and stabilizing the walls," Scarlett told her other teammates, who nodded.

/

"Great!" Jo yelled as she, B, and Dawn picked themselves up off the ground, and DJ turned their cart back upright. "Just great! Thanks to _you two_ we're way behind again!" The camera panned over to Sierra and Topher, who were now wrestling no the ground.

"Hey, _she_ started it!" Topher exclaimed as he rolled over and pinned his rival. "It's not _my_ fault she holds grudges for ridiculous things!"

"Oh," Sierra countered as she pulled her rival to the ground and got on top of him again, "so I guess I should just sit back and let you just _insult_ everything I care about, and push me _down_," she pushed his face into the dirt, "every time I try to do something?"

"Umm, _excuse_ me?" Topher retorted as he squirmed his head free. "_You're_ the one who freaks out every time someone even _suggests_ that they'll become the next Chris McLean!"

"That's because you can't replace the _irreplaceable_!" Sierra growled, pushing her hands down on his face again. Topher promptly bit her fingers, causing her to yell and retract them which in turn gave him the opening to get out from under her.

"Okay, that's enough!" Jo shouted, grabbing the two of them by their collars and pulling them close to her face. "I don't give a _crap_ why you hate each other, but unless you two wanna share an _ambulance_, I suggest you _shut up_ about it until the challenge is over with, got it?"

"Hmph," the two said, looking away and pouting at the same time.

"Good," Jo said, pushing Sierra towards Dawn and B and dragging Topher towards the cart. "You two keep her in one end of the cart, and I'll keep Pretty Boy in the other. If we're lucky, we can still catch up to the Gaffers." The Silent Genius and Moonchild shared an uncertain look as they grabbed a pouting Sierra by the arms.

The footage flashed ahead, showing five Grips sitting silently in the laundry cart with DJ pushing them through the final obstacle. The camera zoomed in, panning across Sierra looking steadfastly behind them, then B and Dawn still unsure of what was happening, then Jo with a stony expression forward and her hand firmly on Topher's back, the fifth passenger angrily trying to fix his hair.

Moments later they arrived at the wall, a hole and sizable dirt pile already by their opponent's cart. The five Grips hopped out, and Jo took a few spoons out of her shirt.

"Hop to it, Grips," she ordered, "we have a _long_ way left to go!"

/

The scene changed to a side view of the Gaffers in their tunnel, Lightning out in front with their shovel while Sammy and Beth patted down the sides and moved dirt back to Beardo who flung it back even further. All of them were on their hands and knees.

"We're making good progress so far," Scarlett said from the middle of their group. "I'm fairly certain the Grips are still behind us, so we shouldn't have any difficulty arriving at the boxcars before them."

"I hope so," Sammy said as the redhead started to smooth and pat the walls and ceiling as well. "Although, wouldn't it be faster if _we_ helped dig too?"

The two girls looked over at Lightning, who was digging with wild enthusiasm. "Perhaps, but I'd rather not get in his way," Scarlett answered dryly.

/

Another flash took the scene back to the Grips, with the trio of Jo, Sierra, and DJ digging in the front with their spoons. B and Dawn were behind them, the large boy taking something out of his coat while the small girl crouched down and helped move dirt back. Behind those two sat Topher, also moving dirt back when he wasn't shielding his hair.

"Y'know, I'm really starting to feel like we can still win this," DJ said with a smile as he kept digging.

"I hear ya," Jo told him. "Hey, you three better not be slackin' off back there!" She asked, briefly pausing to look back over her shoulder.

"Hmm?" Dawn replied, looking up from a worm on her finger. "Oh, yes, no worries there! Also, I think there should be some abandoned prairie dog tunnels over _there_," she pointed up and past Jo's head. "Maybe we can make use of them?" Something started to make a metallic whir behind her, and the camera followed her gaze back to see B smiling proudly. He was holding up a device that appeared to be several spoons taped to a disc of some kind, which in turn was attached to a hand crank mechanism. He shuffled forward and began turning the crank, causing the spoon-wheel to spin like a saw. He moved the device towards the dirt wall, and it began to dig rapidly in the direction Dawn had indicated.

"Nice work!" Jo said with a smirk. "That'll make this challenge _way_ easier."

xxx

B smirked at the camera, rubbing his knuckles on his shirt and blowing them off.

xxx

"With all the negative energy surrounding Topher and Sierra, it's good to see the rest of us working together so well," Dawn told the make-up trailer camera. "Even Jo! She's starting to understand what it means to be a good leader. Between her and DJ's strengths, B's ingenuity, and myself, I think we're really starting to come together as a team!" She paused for a second, and her face fell. "If only we could get Sierra and Topher to get along as well..."

xxx

"So, uhh, how come you know so much about making tunnels?" Sammy asked Scarlett as the two trailed behind Lightning packing down the walls around them.

Scarlett looked at the cheerleader and blinked. "I studied it?" she answered bluntly before resuming her work. "There's no particularly interesting story behind it, if that's what you wanted to find out. It was just one of the topics I read out in detail when I was learning about architecture and engineering."

"Oh...," Sammy said, trailing off into an awkward silence for a moment. "So, does that mean you're gonna go into engineering or something?"

Scarlett looked at her again and raised an eyebrow. "That is one of the paths I have considered, yes. Why do you want to know?"

"Oh, no reason...," Sammy answered. "Just, you know, wanted to make small talk while we're down here."

"I _see_...," Scarlett said. "Well, as people work better when they're not distracted by conversation, I'll have to ask you to save the personal questions for another time." She shuffled closer to Lightning.

"R-right...," the nice twin said before crawling off to catch up to their team's digger as well.

xxx

"I was kinda hoping I could get to know Scarlett a little better," the cheerleader explained in the confessional trailer, "but I guess she's not that interested. I guess there's no real reason she _should_ be, though. I mean, we aren't gonna be teammates forever!" She tried to smile, but her face quickly fell and she sighed. "I really should've just stuck with Beth and Beardo. I don't need to be friends with _everyone_ on my team."

xxx

"I think we're almost there!" Dawn said as she and Topher crawled behind DJ, Sierra, Jo, and B who were quickly digging a tunnel angled upwards.

"It's about time!" Jo said. "I feel like we've been digging for _hours_!"

"Good thing we didn't have _Topher_ digging," Sierra muttered with a sniffle, "or else it really _would_ have taken hours."

"Hey! I heard that!" Topher shouted.

"Can you two _please_ not start this again?" Jo growled, pausing to look from one rival to the other. "We don't have _time_!"

"Don't look at me," the pretty boy said, "_she's_ the one who keeps starting everything."

"I _really_ don't care," Jo told him, crawling back and rejoining the digging effort.

The viewpoint moved to the surface as dirt started getting pushed up and a flurry of spoons emerged from beneath. The background music became triumphant as the spoons retreated and an arm emerged, pulling Jo up into the fresh air.

"Hah!" the jock-ette cheered, pumping her arms in the air as Sierra and B poked their heads out as well.

Then the music went flat and her face fell, the camera pulling out to show another large hole and dirt pile next to them. "_Oh_," Jo muttered, lowering her arms in annoyance.

The camera moved again, showing that the two tunnels had come up in front of the boxcars. All five members of the Screaming Gaffers were celebrating in front, while Chris and the Warden watched.

"Aww man, we lost?" DJ said as he, Dawn, and Topher emerged from their hole.

"Yes, New Chef, yes we did," Jo told him. "And I think we _all_ know who's to blame!"

Topher sneezed, and then Sierra did as well as the rest of their team glared at them.

/

The footage skipped ahead, showing the three Grip girls sitting around in their trailer.

"Okay, _look_," Sierra said, quickly rubbing her nose as she addressed Dawn, "I _really_ need you to vote for Topher tonight with me and Jo. He's a giant jerk, and he's _obviously_ wrecking our teamwork."

"Not only that," Jo added, "but he's also the weak link on the team. It's about time he went home."

"Umm...I _suppose_...," Dawn told them hesitantly.

"Also, could you ask DJ to vote for Topher too?" Sierra asked. "I wanna make sure that guy _finally_ gets what's coming to him."

"I..._guess_ I can ask," the mystic answered uncertainly as the music took a tense turn.

/

A flash took the scene to the craft services tent, the camera lingering on an outside shot before cutting to DJ serving a meal to the others. As Lightning took his tray off-screen and the Grips girls ate at their table in the foreground, B approached the meal counter with Topher close behind him.

"Hey hey, glad I managed to catch you two," the pretty boy whispered, putting an arm around B's shoulder and pulling him into a pseudo-huddle with DJ. "Now, I know I haven't gotten along too well with either of you – sorry about what happened with _Bunny_ last season, by the way. How's the little scamp doing?"

"Uh-" DJ started to say before Topher cut him off.

"Great, great. Anyway, I was hoping I could get the two of you to vote for _Sierra_ tonight," Topher said. "No need for a formal _alliance_ or anything," he continued with a light chuckle, "not that I'd _mind_, I just figured us boys could work together to get rid of her! I mean, you _have_ to know that she's the one starting all the drama between me and her. If she hadn't sneezed on me and then picked a fight in the cart, we probably would've won the challenge!"

B rubbed his chin in thought for a moment, then shrugged and nodded.

"Oh, uh, I guess I can think about it?" DJ said. "I kinda gotta focus on _workin_' right now, though."

"Right, right," Topher told him with a grin, backing off and taking one of the food trays the brickhouse had put on the counter. "Let me know what you decide if you find the time, and try to talk to _Dawn_ about it too."

"Right..." DJ said nervously before his teammates left. He let out his breath and wiped the sweat from his brow, then grabbed the pot of food he'd been serving and turned back around. He gasped and nearly dropped it when he saw Dawn standing in the kitchen waiting for him.

"I'm very sorry for startling you," she said, darting forward and putting a few fingers over his mouth to shush him, "but we _must_ discuss who we're voting for."

DJ sighed. "Yeah, okay. It's _gotta_ be Topher or Sierra, though, and I bet you can guess what he was just talkin' to me about."

"Yes," Dawn said, "Sierra asked the same from me. But as much as I dislike Topher's past actions, I _do_ believe Sierra's been the one to cause the most trouble between them, and I cannot condone that either."

"So who do you think we should go for?" DJ asked.

Dawn frowned. "I'm really not sure..." She and DJ looked at each other uncertainly as the tense and plodding background music came to an end.

/

The theme of the Gilded Chris ceremony began to play, accompanied by the standard introduction sequence. It faded into a long-distance shot of the award stage, the camera zooming in as the theme came to an end. The six Gaffers cast their votes, the camera panning down from Jo and Sierra in the top row, to Dawn and DJ in the middle, and Topher and B at the bottom.

"Time's up!" Chris announced excitedly as a deep drum beat played. "I'll tally the votes~!" He held up a device similar to the voting pads, and began to read off names. "DJ, Dawn, Jo, and B," each name was accompanied by the sound of an award getting thrown and caught and the four were shown holding their latest prizes. "Another award, and another day to compete."

The music became tense again as the host held up the final award. "And as for the two of you," he said as Topher and Sierra were shown in a split-screen watching nervously, "...it's a _tie_!" Four of the six teens gasped. "Yup, you got three votes each, meaning it's time for our first-ever tiebreaker challenge!"

"So, uh," Topher said as the host motioned to someone backstage, "what do we have to-" he paused and sneezed, "do?"

"Whatever it is," Sierra said with a sneeze of her own, "I hope I get the chance to finally _crush_ you like a bug." She glared down at her rival, who glared right back up at her.

"Same here," Topher told her.

"There won't be any crushing today," Chris told them with a smile, "although I'm glad to see your enthusiasm." He looked to his right as the Warden from the challenge came out, rolling a cart with two shallow bowls and several small jars on it. "Now, I wanna make this _quick_," Chris said as a tense tune began in the background, "so we'll be keeping things simple. All you two _sick_ kids have to do," the host explained as the camera zoomed in on the Warden as he unscrewed the jars one by one and dumped their powdery black contents into the two bowls, "is take a big ol' bowl of _pepper_ to the face. First one to sneeze, _loses_."

"Fine," Sierra said as she walked out of the stands and towards the stage. "I'm going to do this for _you_, Chris, to prove that I'm a much better fan than _he_ ever was." She glared at Topher as he walked up beside her.

"As if Chris even _cares_ about that," Topher retorted. "Especially since it's _obvious_ who understands him better." The two approached the stage where Chris was waiting at the edge of the stage with the two pepper bowls in his hands. "I'm ready, Chris!" Topher said enthusiastically.

"Me too!" Sierra copied.

"Glad to hear it!" the host grinned. "GO!" Without further warning, he thrust the bowls towards the two rivals' faces, enveloping them in a cloud of pepper.

He quickly pulled his arms back and walked away as the music picked up. It only took a few moments for the cloud to disperse, and both Topher and Sierra were looking worse for wear. Their eyes tearing up, they clasped their hands over their flaring noses and sharply-inhaling mouths, fighting the urge to sneeze.

The camera cut to the four other Grips as they watched with sympathetic cringing, and soon enough a single loud sneeze was heard. The four in the stands raised their eyebrows, and the shot panned over to the competitors – the young woman was standing with shock on her face and a bit of snot in her hands, while the young man looked at her smugly.

"B-But...," she stammered before sneezing again.

"I-" the boy tried to say before launching into a flurry of his own sneezes.

"And it looks like Topher is our winner!" Chris declared, tossing the final Gilded Chris to the boy, who caught it and quickly sneezed again.

/

The footage flashed forward, showing a runny-nosed and sniffling Sierra on the red carpet, getting handcuffed by the Warden.

"Dead girl walkin'!" Chris called out coyly from behind them.

"Well," Sierra sniffed, "it looks like I just wasn't meant to spend any more time with you, Chris. Was I at least a good fan?"

"Uhh, well, you didn't _annoy_ me as much as last season," the host told her with an awkward shrug. "I'll kinda miss you and Topher goin' at it, though."

Sierra nodded. "That's all I could ever ask for," she said before taking a few steps towards the waiting limo and pausing again. "Well, not _really_, but I can always just try harder the next time I see you!"

"Uh, how 'bout _not_," Chris replied, walking up and pushing her into the limousine's open door. The Warden slammed the door shut, and it sped off. "And dude," he told the other man, "I _seriously_ shouldn't have had to do that myself. You're, like, the worst assistant _ever_."

The Warden slumped as the host walked back up the red carpet and the Gild Chris theme began to play. "Looks like I have to find another new assistant!" he told the camera. "And more _importantly_, the Grips are down their creepiest member. Who will gain the upper hand now that the teams are even again? Tune in next week to find out," he paused in front of the Grips, "on Total! Drama! Action!"

(Fade to Credits)

/

/

/

**[Bonus Clip]**

The scene faded back in to Sierra sitting in the back of the Lame-o-sine, her arms crossed on her lap as she looked wistfully out the window. "Well," she sighed, "I guess I've lost to him again." She turned her head to look at the camera. "It's really such a shame that someone like _him_ made it further in the game than someone like _me_. You think you can count on your teammates to make the right choice, but then they just stab you in the _back_." She sighed again, and looked back out the window.

After a moment, she looked back at the camera. "You know, he's lucky I'm not in the game anymore, because if I _were_, and he was _too_, I'd probably tell everyone all his deepest, darkest secrets." She paused a moment, blinked, and furrowed her brow. "Aftermath? What do you mean?"

Another pause, and her eyes went wide. "Oooh, that sounds _sooo_ cool," she said with a grin, clenching her fists in her excitement. "I can't wait to get interviewed! I'll let all the Total Drama fans out there know what kind of person Topher _really_ is!"

* * *

**Author's Note - Post Script**

Hooray for non-indicative titles! As in canon, I used the best pun on 'The Shawshank Redemption' as I could with the remaining characters.

Oh, and if it somehow hasn't been made clear yet, Topher and Sierra cannot stand each other, and it has always been my intention to write them as such. Those of you who expected them to get together...I really don't understand what you were seeing. If I somehow messed up with the subtext between them or something and made it look like they were secretly attracted to each other, let me know.

Also, as I'm certain some of you may have guessed by now, it was originally Sierra who was going to to be eliminated in 'Riot On Set', meaning that Shawn was originally slated to be eliminated here. However, for reasons I'd rather not get into I decided that I absolutely needed to have a tie vote in this episode, and after a bit of thought I decided that a Sierra-Topher tie would be far better than Shawn and anyone else. It also allowed me to extend their rivalry subplot, so I think it was ultimately for the better that I switched the eliminations.

Lastly, I did end up lengthening the obstacle course relative to canon. It was too easily traversed in canon, and I really needed to ramp up the rivalry drama.

I'm pretty sure that's all for now, so let me know what you think about this episode!

\- Fangren

* * *

**Appendix: TSA Eliminated Contestants**

Geoff - (Tied for 14th Place)

Bridgette - (Tied for 14th Place)

Shawn - (13th Place)

Alejandro - (12th Place)

Sierra - (11th Place)


	8. Chapter 8 - One Flu Over the Cuckoos

**Author's Note**

Hello all! I hope you're all doing well. Spring is really starting where I am, and after how cold the winter was it's a welcome change. Well, enough small-talk, on with the responses to the reviews!

**Ali6132 and Ddynamo:** Since you both talked about the hint I gave Ddynamo, I'll cover you at the same time. In essence, Ddynamo is basically correct regarding the list of potential candidates for at least one of the World Tour spots. Part of me was kind of hoping that you didn't remember the 'heroes' bit, though, since it does basically force me to confirm that Heather won't be showing up in World Tour (then again, I think I may have already confirmed that with the 'hero' bit anyway). Other than that...thanks for the reviews! Interesting predictions as always, and I will agree with Ddynamo that Alejandro may have been created, at least in part, to be the villain that Justin wasn't. Oh, and I completely forgot about what the other canon Aftermath titles were since I deleted them from the spreadsheet I use to help plan this season. Choosing 'Winner Lose' as a title was complete coincidence.

**bruno14:** Yeah, I figured as least some people would see them as similar to Alejandro and Heather were in canon, which is why I've been trying to go out of my way to not have Topher and Sierra show attraction to each other. Thanks for the review, I'm glad you liked the chapter!

**Cole D. soul:** Yup, aftermaths are great for giving people's eliminated favorites just a little bit more time in the spotlight. Also, this whole quarter of the show just feels like primarily filler to me, even in canon. In TDA these episode were basically just to fill the time before Courtney came back by wrapping up Gwen and DJ's subplots, starting Leshawna's and Beth's, and putting in the groundwork for Owen's first elimination. I don't know if I'm going to do much better than in canon, especially since some of the stuff I'm doing is deliberately meant to be subtle. And yeah, people can make a ship out of anything - I've never understood Dott myself either.

**FOWLKON:** Yeah, that was one of the scenes I figured Topherra people would make use of. I had only intended that scene to show that they had previously been close friends. Fated rivals, certainly, but never fated lovers. Oh well, at least I have a better idea of what to avoid in the future. Oh, and Amy won't be coming back until 'Ocean's Eight...Or Nine', which is the episode after the second aftermath.

**Madison Wooten:** I know! Well, I don't think I'm really that popular, especially compared to some other long-runners, but it makes me happy knowing I've at least gotten this man people reading my stories. I can see Action easily topping the number of reviews TSI has by the time TSWT starts.

**Zak Saturday:** Hey, I'm glad you get what I was going for with them! Although their rivalry is a bit more complex than merely both thinking they're the better fan. You'll have to wait to find out more, though.

**acosta perez jose ramiro:** Hmmm...well, to be honest I was hoping their colds would have come off as being more equal, but hey, that works too. Thanks for the review!

**JinxQueen:** I'm glad you liked it! And yeah, Topher's still sick, but that's not the only 'disease' going around the film lot...

**spader13:** Yeah, I see what you're saying with Beth. I've been trying to keep some of those moments in the show but they don't always work with the available cast, so I'll see about reworking those sort of lines better in the future.

**80jj:** I'm glad to see that most of the reviewers have mentioned not seeing any attraction between those two so far. I kinda agree with you (and Chris) about their rivalry ending early since it is pretty fun to write, but as I said I needed the tie and they were the most dramatic choice for it. As for Topher's full name...I wanted something that was a little bit embarrassing and thoroughly white. Myles was a pretty early pick, but I waffled as to whether it would be his first or middle name - but since I think Sierra is spiteful enough towards him to use his first name when he doesn't like it, I figured it was better to go with Topher first. Julienn was a tad easy as well, and Heidemann was just a matter of looking up surnames until I found one I liked. As for Lightning's new 'do, I honestly can't see a good place for it right now, so it probably won't happen. Sorry!

**OMAC001:** I'm glad you liked it! Sorry about having to get rid of the one you liked better, but hey, that's how these fanfics work.

**Guest 22:** Well, that's honestly been the style I've kind of been going for with this. Although I have been trying to tone down the formality of the dialogue a bit, but I guess it hasn't quite been enough since I naturally go towards it.

**I. M. Poik:** 1) Right, right, I figured it was something like that. 2) You'll have to wait and see I'm afraid. 3) Again, you'll have to wait and see, although in this case you can just scroll down and read on.

**Identification:** Well, at least I managed to get DJ's screentime down. I hope you like this episode better, and at the very leats none of your favorites will be going home.

**Star Saber21:** So will I! They're fun to write, but sadly they were the best choice for the elimination. And yeah, I've been attempting to develop Jo into more of a team player, at least in her own way. Hopefully I don't take it too quickly or slowly.

**Knifez:** Haha, I'm glad I finally have an elimination you like. And yeah, I completely forgot to mention that about the title! It was actually something I thought of when changing the title, and I had meant to mention it in the 'Shawn' section of the post script but forgot to include it in my notes. I'm glad you caught it though! And I probably could have had Amy in from the start, but she felt like the best choice to have suddenly turn up in the middle of the season. Though come to think of it, having Amy start in Alejandro's place, and Alejandro suing his way back onto the show could have worked too, though he would have had to go quickly so as not to overshadow the other villains.

And now for the compulsory cast list to remind those of who remains in the game:

Screaming Gaffers \- Scarlett, Lightning, Beth, Sammy, Beardo

Killer Grips \- Jo, DJ, Dawn, B, Topher

Make sure to get your shots, because there's a sickness in the air this week!

\- Fangren

* * *

**Episode 8 – One Flu Over the Cuckoos**

"Last time, on Total, Drama, Action!" The recap opened with a shot of the prison courtyard before cutting inside as Chris explained the challenge and Topher was locked up. "Imprisoned in a world they _didn't_ create," the host said over a shot of the two imprisoned castmates. "Forced to ingest _deadly_ foods, and even to taste them twice!" A clip of the disgusting food cart moved into Lightning dropping some horse lips into his team's dish, Sammy hesitantly eating, and Topher puking on Sierra.

"A pair of long-time rivals saw their feud reach a _fever-pitch_," Chris continued over shots of Sierra and Topher's squabbling in the laundry cart, ending with the cart tipping over just before the final obstacle. "But despite that, the two courageous teams clawed their way to _freedom_!" Each team was shown digging in their respective tunnels; first the Grips, then the Gaffers. "Or at least, _one_ of them did," Chris added with a chuckle as the Grips emerged from underground only to see that they had lost.

"And so the rivals turned to their teammates for aide," the host continued as brief clips of Sierra speaking with the girls and Topher speaking with the boys were followed by footage of the elimination ceremony. "But sadly, neither came out on top. A tiebreaker was called," Chris said over a clip of him thrusting bowls of pepper into the two Grips' faces, "and Sierra _lost_."

The uber-fan was shown getting handcuffed and led down the Walk of Shame. "Once again, Topher has _triumphed_ over his rival." The camera panned back to show the host lounging in the control tent. "But will he be able to stay in the game, or will he lose it just like last time?"

The scene flashed to a close-up of Chris standing in front of the cast trailers, the camera pulling back with each word of the show's title. "Find out now, on Total! Drama! _Action_!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be...famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be...famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

The scene faded in to a shot of an owl hooting on a tree branch at night until a few sparks erupted from it and its head popped off on a spring. The camera panned down and to the left, catching the ten castmates as they made their way back to their trailers; the Gaffers were in front, with Beardo playing 'Taps' on a mimicked trumpet while walking alongside Beth.

"Well I for one am _glad_ that today's over," Topher said as the camera focused on the Grips, DJ noticeably absent from the group. "We may have lost our numbers advantage, but at least we don't have to deal with _Sierra_ anymore."

"Speak for yourself, Hair Gel," Jo grunted. "I'd take her over _you_ any day. Kinda surprised you didn't get the boot, to be honest. Hey _Dawn_," she asked as the petite girl walked past, "what happened to you and DJ voting with me?"

Dawn froze. "Umm, well..."

"Wait a minute," Topher interrupted with a sniffle, "DJ was supposed to get you to vote with _me_ tonight!"

"That...is the problem, yes," Dawn said hesitantly. "I'm quite sorry, friends, but we truly could not decide who to send home! So we...split our votes."

Jo groaned and palmed her face. "Great! Now we're stuck with _him_ dragging us down," she said, pointing a finger at Topher who huffed and rolled his eyes.

"As fascinating as your conversation is," Scarlett interrupted in a disinterested tone from the steps up to the girls' trailer, "I _really_ must get some rest." She grabbed the door handle and habitually moved to open it, but it didn't budge and she slammed face-first into it. "_Again_?!" she hissed angrily, rubbing her forehead.

"Uh-oh," Topher said as the camera cut over to him pulling on the door handle of the guys' trailer, "I think we've been locked out!" He grunted as he kept trying to open it, but he failed to move it at all.

"Step aside," Lightning commanded from off-screen, "and let sha-_Lightning_ take care of this!" Topher's eyes went wide and he quickly stepped aside just as the uber-athlete rammed the door shoulder first, and bounced off of it without making a dent.

A loud siren started up, startling the castmates as tense music began to play in the background.

"What the-?" Jo said, looking at Beardo who gave her a helpless shrug. Seconds later an ambulance drove past, stopping in front of them just long enough for the back doors to open and a covered stretcher to fall out. Siren still blaring, the ambulance drove off and the castmates hesitantly approached it's former cargo.

"Umm, that's not a dead _body_ is it?" Sammy asked nervously.

Dawn shook her head. "No, it's-"

Before she could finish her sentence, whatever was on the stretcher sat up, and the cover fell away to reveal Chris McLean lying on a colorful stack of books. The castmates gasped and murmured at the dazed-looking host. "...Boo!" the handsome man said suddenly, earning a blank look from Sammy.

The host looked at her in awkward silence for a moment, then cleared his throat. "Calm yourselves, no one's dead, yet," he said with a smile, holding up one of the books. "I'm here to prep you plucky ducks for our _most_ awesome challenge yet! These textbooks hold the sum total of eight years of med school, and each one of you _gets_ one," he explained before tossing the book in his hand to Lightning who raised an eyebrow once he caught it, "cause tomorrow, we're gonna play _Doctor_!" A few deep and tense notes played as Topher rolled his eyes and Lightning looked up at the host.

xxx

"Playin' _Doctor_?" Lightning repeated in confusion. "Lightning don't remember playing _that_ before. Must be one of those _variant_ rules for when you don't have enough players for a full game." He rubbed his chin in thought, then shrugged. "Oh well! Whatever it is, Lightning will win just like always! Uh," he sheepishly rubbed the back of his head, "unless he meant we're gonna be _medical_ Doctors. Lightning doesn't know much about _that_ kinda stuff, other than the fact that Lightning is _always_ in perfect condition!" He grinned, flexed his arms, and kissed his bicep.

xxx

Scarlett began her confessional by adjusting her glasses and smirking confidently. "Fortunately, I've already memorized the majority of the standard medical school curriculum, so I wont have to spend much time studying. I don't expect the challenge to be _purely_ intellectual in nature, but to the degree that it _is_ I expect my team to dominate. After all," she explained to the camera, "the only other person here who even comes _close_ to my level of intellect is B, whose lack of verbal communication will hinder the Grips. The rest can study all they want, but they won't be able to defeat me."

xxx

"To win this challenge," Chris said as the footage cut back to him and most of the castmates, each of whom now held a textbook, "you're gonna wanna memorize the _entire_ contents of these textbooks. By morning."

"But, uh, isn't pretty _late_ to start that?" Topher asked.

"You got that right," the host answered as a golf cart drove up with a giant pizza slice on the roof and a large stack of pizza boxes in the back. The driver was short and pudgy, with brown skin and a mop of curly hair. They were dressed like a pizza delivery person, and played the part as well – as soon as the cart stopped, the driver got out and carried the comically large stack of pizzas over to Beardo. "And what med school all-nighter would be complete without _pizza_?" Chris asked.

The hairy teen was shown dropping his textbook as he accepted the stack, and a harp played in the background as he and Beth gave it a sniff. He let out an approving whistle as Beth sighed happily. "Smells _delicious_," the beatboxer said.

"Smells like a _trick_ to me," Jo said.

"More like method acting," Chris told them as he walked over to the golf cart and hopped onto the back. "Med school interns consume 850% more pizza than the average human. So, dig in! Cause there's plenty more where _that_ came from!" The cart sputtered away, leaving the castmates by themselves.

Jo scowled at the host as he left, then opened the top box and took out a slice. "Hmmm...looks okay, smells okay," she said while looking over it closely, taking a smell of her own, and finally taking a bite. "Tastes...surprisingly great!"

"I guess DJ must've made them," Sammy suggested.

/

The scene flashed over to an unfinished pizza getting tossed into the air, the camera following it as it fell into a tired-looking DJ's hands. The table he was standing at already had four other pizzas on it, and they looked to be complete. "Man, I wish I didn't have to do this by myself," the gentle giant said as he tossed the dough back up with a spin. "Here I am bustin' my butt preppin' for a challenge, and Chris doesn't even send an intern to help me out? Seriously, this ain't right."

He sighed, then caught the dough he was working on and placed it on a wooden peel and transferred it to one of the nearby ovens. He wiped the sweat from his brow, and walked back towards the table he'd been working at. "At least I don't have to _deliver_ 'em, too. Or do that _other_ thing Chris was bein' secretive about with the delivery guy." He took out a few empty boxes and started placing the pizzas in them. "Hope I can finish before everyone's done eatin', I wanna have a few slices myself!"

/

The scene flashed to the five Gaffers sitting in chairs by a fire in front of the cast trailers, eating pizza and reading textbooks. The camera focused in on Beardo and Beth, who were in the two rightmost seats.

"Y'know," Beth said, "my boyfriend Brady told me that being in med school is _super_ stressful. They have to do stuff like this like _every_ day."

"Hold up," Beardo said, "isn't your boyfriend a _model_?"

"Yup," Beth nodded after swallowing a piece of pizza. "I probably shoulda said that _he's_ not the one in med school, it's his older _sister_. He didn't say a whole lot about her, but I can tell he's _really_ proud."

"Man, one kid's a model, the other's in school to be a _doctor_?" Beardo said. "That must be one _heck_ of a family."

Beth giggled. "Yup! Kinda makes me nervous since, y'know, I haven't done a whole lot myself. But I don't think Brady cares about that, he's _such_ a sweetheart."

"I gotta find me a guy like that," the hairy boy mused. "Someone who appreciates a little-" he proceeded to produce several different sound effects, including a variety of machines, a handful of barks and growls, and a single springing sound at the end that caused Beth to struggle not to laugh.

"Dude, could you keep it down?" Lightning chastised from the other end of the line of Grips. "Some of us are tryin' to _read_!"

"Well I, for one, am finished," Scarlett stated after swallowing one last bit of pizza crust, closing her book and standing up. "I've skimmed enough of it to reasonably conclude that there isn't anything in here that I don't already know. As such, I'll be getting to bed now."

xxx

"As expected," the brainiac told the confessional camera with another slice of pizza in her hand, "my time is better spent elsewhere. Those textbooks were _clearly_ low-quality, so I wouldn't have benefited much from studying anyway. At least the _food_ is good, though." She took a bite, and smiled.

xxx

"I'm glad Scarlett's on our team and all," Sammy confessed, "but she could have at least stayed and helped the rest of us figure this medical stuff out." She sighed. "Oh well, she _is_ team captain after all, I guess she does what she thinks is best."

xxx

The scene moved to the inside of the craft services tent, where four of the Killer Grips were studying at one of the tables, the sound of running water in the background. B and Jo were on one side of the table, with Dawn and Topher opposite them. "I'll probably regret eating this in the morning," Topher said as he took a bite out of the slice he was holding and quickly swallowed it, "but right now, it's too good to pass up!"

Jo snorted as she leaned back in her chair, an open textbook in one hand and the remains of a slice in the other. She casually tossed the last bit of crust into her mouth, then looked around at her teammates – in particular, the only one who wasn't eating. "What's the matter," she asked Dawn with her mouth still full, "pizza too much like an _animal_ for you to eat it?"

Dawn looked up from the book she'd been studying and blinked.

xxx

"I'm not eating the pizza because it contains animal products," Dawn told the camera before pausing. "Well, okay, I _am_, but that's not the only reason. I didn't want to say it with DJ nearby, but the amount of negative energy in the food we were given is _unusually_ high. It's probably nothing to worry about since it's only a _little_ bit more negative than what Chef usually gives us, so I don't want to hurt DJ's feeling by bringing it up."

xxx

A close-up of an open pizza box was shown as Jo reached in to grab one of the last remaining pieces. "Hey, suit yourself," she said with a shrug. "Just means more pizza for the rest of us."

Just then, B snapped his fingers in front of the jock-ette then thumbed over his shoulder at the kitchen when she looked at him.

"B says-" Dawn began to say before Jo cut her off.

"Yeah yeah, I get it," she said before turning her head back and calling out "Hey Iron Chef! You gonna join us this century or what?"

The sound of running water in the background stopped, and DJ appeared at the kitchen entrance. "Yeah, sorry, had to clean everything up. How's the pie?"

"Try it for yourself," Jo told him, sliding the open box to the end of the table as the brickhouse walked up to it.

DJ picked up a slice, took a bite, and smiled as he chewed it. "Mmm, I _am_ good!"

"Excuse me, friends," Dawn said as she suddenly stood up. "Since I learn best when I'm alone, I shall retreat to the trailer for the night. Best of luck to you, though!" She tucked the textbook she'd been reading under her arm and began to leave.

"Night, Dawn," DJ told her with a smile as she walked past; she returned the smile and left the tent.

xxx

"I coulda made her stay," Jo said in the make-up trailer, "but honestly, what's the point? If she says she'll study better on her own, it's no skin off _my_ back. All that _really_ matters is that she doesn't cause us to lose." She paused and started rubbing her chin in thought. "Might be a bit of a gamble trusting the mystic weirdo to teach herself _actual_ medicine though."

xxx

The scene moved to Dawn as she quietly walked past the studying Gaffers and into the girls' trailer. The camera immediately cut to her stepping inside, then panned right to show Scarlett sitting on top of her bed in her sleepwear, hastily tucking something under her pillow.

"Umm, what were you doing?" Dawn asked, casting a suspicious look at her roommate.

"Nothing that concerns you," Scarlett replied plainly as she got under her covers. "If you're going to study, please do so _quietly_. I want to get an adequate amount of rest before the challenge tomorrow."

"Very well," Dawn said softly. The shot focused in on Scarlett's face as she turned her back to the room, took her glasses off and placed them in a case beside her, and closed her eyes. Behind her, Dawn could clearly be heard walking about and changing into her pajamas, humming softly as she went.

The petite mystic grunted as she apparently climbed onto her top bunk, causing Scarlett's eyes to pop open in annoyance. Dawn sighed and made sounds like she was adjusting her position on her bed, then went silent for a moment.

"Oops," she stage whispered, "almost forgot." She jumped down to the floor and landed with a thud that made Scarlett wince in annoyance. Moments later, she noisily picked up what sounded like a large book, and climbed back up to her bed.

As Scarlett began to clench her teeth, the scene faded forward into a shot of the numbered studios the following day. The camera cut inside, showing the ten castmates lined up in a small room facing a double door, all but Scarlett and Dawn looking exhausted.

"So _tired_," Topher groaned.

"Why we gotta be up so _early_, Coach?" the uber-jock mumbled. "Lightning can't even _see_ straight!"

"Once again," Scarlett stated, "proof that my decision to prioritize _sleep_ last night was correct." The others groaned at her, and Jo in particular made a slashing motion across her throat while glaring at the redhead.

"_Morning_, competitors!" Chris said in a chipper tone as he slid in through the door. "Or should I say...DOCTORS!" He pulled out a large gun from behind his back, eliciting a gasp from the teens as he pointed it at them. He fired it at them starting with the Grips, and the camera focused on Beth and Beardo at the far end of the line as stethoscopes and reflector headband landed on them. Sammy, Lightning, and Scarlett were the next to get hit and Sammy yelped. DJ and Dawn followed, then B, Jo, and Topher.

"Ready for today's big challenge?" Chris asked them with a smile.

"We'd _better_ be," Jo grunted. "We pulled an all-nighter studying for it. Or at least _some_ of us did," she added with a pointed look at Dawn.

"I studied too," the mystic said. "I just felt it would be more helpful if I got some sleep."

"Oooh, tension!" the host said with a light laugh. "My _favorite_! Let's take it inside." He motioned over his shoulder with his thumb and started backing into the room he'd come out of, the castmates following after him.

/

The camera cut to a close-up of a large compound stage light before zooming out to show the cast assembled in a large room, each team standing by a large green vat of bubbling slime, a ladder leading up to a high dive, and a sort of slanted platform with a person-shaped indent in it.

"Today's challenge is called," Chris said as the background music became low and tense, "Visiting Hours. And only _one_ member of the winning team will get to enjoy the reward." A few drum beats played, and the camera panned over to the Gaffers on the left.

"Hold up," Lightning asked, "why're we doin' this in teams if only _one_ of us gets to win?"

"I guess it's one for all and all for one this time, right?" Sammy said with a nervous chuckle.

"Yeah, well, _Lightning_ better be the _one_," he told her dismissively.

"I surmise the reward winner will be decided based on who contributed the _most_ to achieving victory," Scarlett told them.

xxx

"Which, of course, will be _myself_," she added in the confessional trailer.

xxx

"So what _is_ the reward anyway?" Beth asked.

"You're very _perceptive_, Beth," Chris told her. "Let's see if that helps you and your team assemble a CADAVER!" A game show jingle played as he made the announcement.

"Uh, you're talkin' about a dead _body_, right?" DJ asked hesitantly.

"No," Chris corrected as the game show jingle played again, "I'm talking about a _giant_ dead body!" The shot zoomed out further than it had before, revealing that the slanted platforms were attached to chains leading up to a reel in the ceiling and two strange devices on mounted either side just below.

"These tanks contain the dismembered parts of two identical cadavers," he explained over an elevator music-like tune. "Each player will climb their respective team ladder, strap on the bungee cord," the shot cut from his close-up to a bungee harness dangling in front of the Gaffers' diving board, "and _jump_ into the tank with hopes of retrieving a body part." The camera panned down to the tank, then over to the slanted platform. "Any parts you find will be snapped in place on the platforms. Use those chains to raise them all the way to the roof," he continued as the camera followed the chain up to the strange device on either side of the gap in the ceiling as a jolt of electricity stream between them, "where they'll be reanimated by a blast of _lightning_!"

"First team to bring a Franken-Chris back to life wins," the host told them. "First crack goes to the team who can tell me how to treat someone with a _bean_ stuck up their nose." He tapped his nose, and the camera panned over to the Gaffers.

Scarlett had opened her mouth to say something, but Beth started saying "Ooh! Ooh!" while jumping up and down with her hand in the air. Chris pointed at her, and she told him "Administer two ccs of pain meds and probe the affected area with a sterile swab."

"Correctomundo!" Chris said, giving her a pair of finger pistols as Scarlett raised an eyebrow and shrugged.

"Yes!" Beth cheered, pumping her fist excitedly.

/

The footage flashed forward to her on top of her team's diving board, the bungee harness already secured. She jumped off with a scream and plunged into the vat, popping back up a moment later as she was electrocuted by the electric eel she was now holding. She let the fish go at the peak of her trip back up, and grabbed on to the edge of the diving board. "What the heck was _that_?!" she asked in shock.

"Oh yeah," Chris said, "I forgot to mention the electric eels. Three zaps and you're out!"

With a hesitant look on her face, Beth allowed herself to drop back into the vat. She emerged holding a grayish and slime-covered leg. "Got it!" she called as the camera cut to Beardo who was standing by the Gaffer's platform with his arms out to catch. He made a sound like a falling bomb as he caught the limb, then turned around and fit it into place with an explosion that didn't quite cover up the squelching noise the leg actually made.

"Okay, next question!" Chris announced. "Your patient has an itchy red inflammation on their _butt_! Diagnosis?"

"Diaper rash, I think," Dawn spoke up first. "The books said you can treat it by applying salve repeatedly to achieve humectant dispersion."

"Yes!" the host said, and Dawn smiled.

/

The footage cut forward to her silently swan-diving off the board and into the vat. She sprung back out holding an eel, but it didn't shock her. "Oops, my mistake!" she said before plunging back down. She came back up a second time, now holding two eels. "Sorry again!" she told them with an apologetic tone, falling once more without getting shocked. She popped out holding a hand, which she quickly tossed to her team.

"I got it!" DJ called, intercepting the hand but fumbling it a few times before getting a solid grip. He took it over to the platform, looked at it, then smiled and put it in the right-hand slot.

"Next question!" Chris said. "Your patient's got a white tongue, red eyes, and they're _oozing_ gooey crud! Diagnosis?"

Scarlett tapped her chin in thought. "If I'm not mistaken, that should be some form of bacterial conjunctivitis."

"Wrong!" Chris told her, stunning the brainaic. "Anyone else?"

"Umm, is it Pinkus Eyeicus?" Sammy offered. "You treat it with two rounds of floppity jibbits."

"Absolutely correct!" the host told her. The camera zoomed in on him as he shielded his mouth with his hand and slyly added "I messed around with some of the _terms_ in the textbook."

/

The cheerleader cautiously looked down at the vat, then jumped. She fell without a sound, but when she came back up with an eel in each hand she shrieked and got electrocuted. She plunged back down, and this time came up with an arm. "Hey, I got one this time!" she said with a smile before tossing the limb over to Beardo.

The hairy boy made slow-motion noises as he jumped for it, then slowly turned around and slammed it into place. Still in exaggerated slowness, he pumped his arm and cheered.

"Smells like ear wax?" Chris asked next, rushing up to DJ with a grin on his face.

"Pineapple-itis," the gentle giant answered before low-fiving the host, the background music beginning to rise.

/

DJ pinched his nose as he jumped down, and sprung back up to diving board-level seconds later with three eels on his body; he screamed as he was shocked.

/

"Fur between the toes?" the host asked, bending down to point at his bare feet, one of which had a tuft of brown hair growing out of it.

"Pluck the hairs and apply salve?" Scarlett answered after a moment's thought.

"Nope!" Chris said with a smile, stunning the brainiac again.

"Stick _two_ horse feathers up the whizzbang!" Lightning answered eagerly when the host turned to him.

He was shown dropping into the vat and coming back up with a torso and a smile on his face.

/

A montage of parts getting added was shown next. Jo was first, putting a leg into her team's platform alongside another leg and a hand. Second was Lightning, slotting one of his team's legs in – they already had all four limbs and the torso, but were missing the hands, waist, and head. B added an arm for the Grips, and the clips transitioned to other parts of the challenge.

"Waka-waka two-by-four!" Beardo answered coolly.

Topher was shown listening to Chris' chest with his stethoscope before enthusiastically saying "Sissypants McGee!" to the host's brief approval and sudden discomfort.

Jo was shown trying to strangle one of the eels as it shocked her, then B was shown putting on rubber gloves before he dived. He landed with a splash and popped back out with an eel in his hand, which was unable to shock him despite its efforts. The camera cut to his close-up as he waggled his eyebrows and smirked, then pulled back out to show him tossing a few eels out of the vat, and eventually holding up a Chris head triumphantly. He tossed it to Dawn who was sitting on DJ's shoulders, and the two turned around to put the piece in – all they were missing now was the waist.

"Grips ahead by...a head!" Chris announced, the camera cutting over to the Gaffers' platform and the five teens giving it nervous, annoyed, and uncertain looks – aside from the head, all they were missing was the waist as well.

"Alright Gaffers, next question!" the host said as he slid over to the other team. "And maybe Miss _Smartypants_ will actually get this one right!"

Scarlett huffed. "It's hardly _my_ fault if the terms used in that text aren't the same as what I'm familiar with."

Chris shrugged. "Whatever makes you feel better! Let's see now...," he said, tapping his chin as he paced back and forth. "Your patient's feeling tired, has spongy gums, and a bunch of _spots_ on their thighs. Diagnosis?"

"Well, it _should_ be scurvy," Scarlett said in frustration, "and it _should_ be treated by an increase of dietary vitamin C, but with _those_ textbooks who knows!" She through her arms up in the air and turned her back on the others.

"...Correct!" Chris announced excitedly, a game show jingle playing in the background.

Scarlett turned around and squinted. "Seriously?" she asked in disbelief. "_That_ ends up being the question my knowledge actually _applies_ to?"

"I guess you lucked out!" the host told her, earning a glare from the redhead.

xxx

"I sincerely doubt luck had _anything_ to do with it," Scarlett told the confessional camera. "Those were _not_ proper medical textbooks that we were given to study. I haven't figured out what exactly they _are_ yet, but I wouldn't put it past Chris to ask me a question he knew had an _actual_ medical answer in order to throw the others off."

xxx

The footage cut forward, focusing on the Gaffers' vat as Scarlett dived into it. She emerged moments later with her team's waist, and wordlessly threw it over to Lightning who quickly put it into place.

/

Another skip forward showed Jo plunging into the vat and coming back out with the waist piece. "Alright, last piece!" she said excitedly before tossing it to her off-screen teammates. "Heads up!"

It was B who caught the piece and put it into the only remaining indentation on the platform. "The Grips have their cadaver!" Chris announced in a close-up. "Time to start yankin' some chain, and be quick about it 'cause the Gaffers are right behind you!"

The background music became tense yet positive as DJ and Jo began to pull on their team's chain while B moved the slanted scaffold out from under the platform and Dawn and Topher watched in anticipation. The cadaver-containing platform was rising quickly, and the camera cut over to the Gaffers as Lightning, dangling from the bungee harness and covered in slime, tossed the Chris head over to Beth.

"Get _movin_', girl!" he called to them as the music became tenser and the young woman scrambled to take the head over to their platform. She stopped in front of it and drew back her arm, grunting in exertion as she tossed it up to Scarlett who had climbed the back of the platform in preparation. The brainiac caught it and slotted the part in, then dropped to the ground.

"Pull!" she ordered as Beth joined Beardo and Sammy at the chain.

"Heave!" Beth said as the three started to pull in rhythm. "Ho! Heave! Ho!"

"The Gaffers are still in this," Chris told the camera in a close-up. "Whose cadaver will hit the roof _first_?" he asked with a shrug. "Make sure you come back for all the Total! Drama! _Action_!" he finished excitedly.

(Fade to Commercial and Back)

The episode faded back in to a shot of the Gaffers' platform being raised up to the roof by Beardo, Sammy and Beth as Scarlett watched and Lightning walked over, flinging slime off himself.

"Uh, not to sound lazy or anythin'," the athlete said as he came up next to the Gaffers' captain, "but Lightning ain't _feelin_' so good."

"You've probably just caught Topher's cold," Scarlett told him, not taking her eyes off the rising platform as a sneeze was heard from off-camera.

"Since when do colds cause nasty sores like _this_?" he followed up, a few dramatic notes playing as he lifted his left arm and pointed to a round, reddish-brown spot on his elbow.

Scarlett looked at him and raised an eye. "Hmm," she began to say after quickly putting her hand on his forehead, "you _do_ seem to have an elevated body temperature. It's possible you've come down with-" she was interrupted by a sudden burp from her teammate that caused her to cringe and take a step back, "-something. Incidentally, why do your eructations smell of _lemons_?"

"Uhh, you mean my burps?" Lightning asked in confusion.

"Wait," Sammy interrupted as the camera cut to her pausing in mid-tug, "this sounds familiar. Aren't red sores, fever, and lemony burps all _symptoms_ of something?"

"Page 753," Beth exclaimed, "Mortatistical Crumples Disease!" She gasped. "And it's _fatal_!"

More dramatic notes played as the shot cut to the Grips as all but Dawn gasped. "Hang on, isn't Mortatistical Crumples _highly contagious_?" Jo asked in alarm, eliciting anther gasp from most of the cast.

"Okay, looks like it's _quarantine_ time!" Chris said, backing towards the door with barely-hidden panic. "See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya!" He gave them a quick wave, then dashed out the double door between the two vats. Both teams went over to it with shock on their faces as the sounds of power tools were heard on the other side.

The camera cut to Chris as he pounded a nail in with a hammer. It was one of many holding up a red banner with an orange skull-and-crossbones on it, set over several long pieces of wood that had been nailed up to bar the exit. "There's more to this disease than either team knows," he told the camera with an impish grin before walking away with a dark chuckle.

/

Another shot of the numbered studios was shown. "Excuse me," Scarlett spoke up as the shot cut back to the ten catsmates in the challenge set, "but how exactly did _Lightning_ catch a supposedly fatal disease? I mean, I've never even _heard_ of Mortatistical Crumples!"

"Like _that's_ a surprise." Jo scoffed. "You haven't heard of half the stuff we were quizzed on!"

Scarlett grit her teeth. "Be that as it may, diseases do not appear out of _nowhere_. It requires a means of _transmission_ that Lightning could have come into contact with recently, and-"

"Who cares about _that_," Topher said in a panic as the background music became dramatic and fast-paced, "we have to quarantine Lightning!"

The camera pulled out from the pretty boy's close-up to show Beth furiously inflating a plastic bubble with a bicycle pump; the bubble had a yellow-and-black biohazard symbol on it. "Get inside before you kill us all!" she shouted before the shot cut to a surprised uber-jock getting picked up by Jo and Beardo, then tossed head-first into the bubble.

"Oh no!" Topher cried again. "DJ has a sore too!" He pointed at the gentle giant's upper right arm, who took one look at the sore and began to wave his arm in a panic.

"It's _gotta_ be a some kinda mistake!" he exclaimed.

"Hey!" Lightning exclaimed from inside his bubble, another one getting inflated nearby. "Where the heck is the sha-_exit_ to this thing?"

"There _isn't_ one!" Beth shouted as she continued to pump and DJ was carried over by Jo and B.

"Aww man," Lightning griped, "this _bites_! Lightning can't be stuck in here, how's he gonna work out?"

"Not our problem, _Blight_ning!" Jo told him angrily before he attempted to run around the room. He lost his balance as he tried to turn around the Gaffers' vat, hit the wall, and began to ricochet around the room.

"Friends, please!" Dawn said. "We _must_ calm down!"

"No, we _need_ to stop Pinball Boy before he runs us down or gets us sick!" the jock-ette countered.

"I second the suggestion of staying _calm_," Scarlett spoke up sternly. "Additionally, we should determine whether or not anyone else is infected before anything else. Does anyone know the symptoms of Mortatistical Crumples Disease?"

"Uh, well," Sammy answered nervously, "I'm pretty sure they're explosive diarrhea," the camera cut to B as his bowels began to groan and he ran into a nearby portable toilet with a panicked look on his face. "Itchy lips," the cheerleader continued as the shot cut to Beth, who suddenly bit her lip.

"Oh _no_," she moaned, "my lips feel like they're on _fire_!" She began to frantically rub and scratch at them, leaving them swollen and red.

"Sudden _hot flashes_," Sammy listed off as Jo began to sweat profusely and tug at the collar of her sweatshirt. "Sea sickness," was the next symptom the nice twin said, as Topher turned green and vomited. "Speaking in _tongues_," Beardo was the next to be affected, his inner soundboard seemingly malfunctioning as he erupted into an uncontrolled string of buzzes, chirps, beeps, and miscellaneous sound effects that continued even as Sammy listed the final symptom, "and temporary blindness."

The camera panned across the cast as she asked "Everyone can _see_, right?" Jo was on the far left, sweating up a storm; to her right were Scarlett and Sammy in front of the Gaffers' vat; then Topher kneeling over a pool of vomit; DJ in his bubble covering his groin like he needed to pee while Dawn looked at his closely; and on the far right were Beth rubbing her lips and Beardo still making a discordant string of sounds in front of the Grips' vat.

"Well, I guess nobody's _blind_, then," Sammy said in relief before walking forward and bumping straight into DJ's bubble. "Oh no," she said in newfound panic as her pupils contracted. "_I'm_ the one who's blind!"

xxx

"I've _seen_ a sick person's aura," Dawn told the confessional camera in a serious tone, "and believe me, the others do _not_ appear to be as sick as they claim. Besides, I doubt even _Chris_ would allow us to die on national television!"

xxx

The scene cut to the host himself watching from his control room, leaning back in his chair with his legs propped up on the desk in front of him. "You'd _think_ we wouldn't," the told the camera, "but, just imagine the _ratings_!"

/

Back in the quarantined set, the camera panned across the room to show that everyone except for Scarlett, Dawn, and the bubbled DJ and Lightning were now laying on top of stretchers, groaning and moaning.

"Unfortunately," Scarlett said as she flicked a thermometer with her fingers, "this room isn't equipped for proper medical examination and treatment, so we'll have to make do with the tools at hand." She walked over to Sammy who had covered her eyes and said "Open up so I can take your temperature."

The instrument was lowered to the cheerleader's face, and she squirmed. "That's not, like, a _rectal_ thermometer, is it?"

"No, of course not," Scarlett answered with a questioning look. "Why would I use a _rectal_ thermometer to take your temperature _orally_?"

Sammy whined, and Dawn stepped up to them. "Perhaps you should check out one of the _others_," the mystic told the brainiac. "Sammy has enough stress without you trying to _examine_ her."

"Hrmm," Scarlett said, pursing her lips but backing off. "Very well, but only because I'm still suspicious as to whether or not the others are actually _sick_." Dawn followed her to the side of the room, and she continued. "It _can't_ be a coincidence that we're both the only ones who haven't shown symptoms _and_ we're the only two who didn't spend most of last night studying."

"True," Dawn told her. "But if they aren't _sick_, then what does this mean?" The two young women folded their arms and tapped their chins in thought for a moment before their eyes popped open.

"You know what?" Dawn said as she inched away from the redhead. "Why don't you try examining the others again, just to make sure. I'll just be, umm, right back..."

"Actually," Scarlett countered as she crept in the same direction as her opponent, "as your demeanor is more suitable for patient care, it would be better if _you_ watched over them while _I_ look into a few things."

"Where would you even _go_?" Dawn asked. "Chris locked the doors!"

"Why, the same place as _you_ of course," Scarlett answered smugly before pointing to the Gaffers' platform, which was now sitting on the floor empty of body parts. The chain still led up to a hole in the ceiling where the reel was situated.

Dawn frowned as a fast-paced and tense tune began in the background. "I was hoping you hadn't noticed that," she told Scarlett before the two made a dash for the platform. "Although we probably should work together to at least get out of here," she huffed, "since I doubt either of us could lift ourselves alone."

"I disagree," Scarlett said before shoving Dawn to the ground, stepping onto the platform, and pulling down on the chain. As the redhead ascended, the blonde glared up at her then scrambled over to the ladder. She climbed it quickly, and the camera cut to a close-up of Scarlett as she looked up, her eyes went wide, and Dawn landed gracefully on the platform next to her, making the whole thing shudder.

"Well too bad," Dawn told the brainiac, sticking her tongue out and grabbing the chain as well. Scarlett groaned, but resumed pulling down and lifting up.

The footage flashed forward to the outside of the studio as the two girls jumped down from a ladder on the wall of the building. They silently split off in opposite directions, and the tense music faded out.

xxx

"If the disease is fake," Scarlett explained calmly in the make-up trailer, "then the so-called 'textbooks' the others studied should make that clear. The symptoms they're exhibiting are _probably_," she quickly tapped her chin in thought for a moment before resuming her calm smile, "a result of the form of nosophobia that often afflicts medical students, caused by a combination of sleep deprivation and excessive studying."

xxx

Back inside, Lightning was shown at the mercy of his bubble as he rolled around, no longer able to keep upright. "Man, Lightning really ain't sha-_feelin_' so good...," he groaned before he vomited inside the plastic ball.

"Gotta pee! Gotta pee! Gotta pee!" DJ cried, running around in his own bubble while covering his groin with both hands.

"My _lips_," Beth groaned on her stretcher as she rubbed her swollen lips, "my poor, kissable lips! How can I ever face _Brady_ like this?"

"Two things," Topher said, sitting up on the stretcher next to her and holding up two fingers; Sammy and B were visible in a row behind them. "First, you don't _have_ a boyfriend," he lowered one of the fingers, then paused to lean over and vomit. "Second," he continued with his face still green, "even if you _did_ you still won't get to face him because we're going to _die_ of a _fatal disease_!"

"Well _sorry_ for trying to stay _positive_," Beth shot back in annoyance. "And I do _too_ have a boyfriend. I bet you're just jealous because your idol _Chris_ abandoned us."

"He didn't _abandon_ us!" Topher said, sitting up again. "He's just too _valuable_ to risk getting a horrible illness." He slumped back down onto his stretcher. "And here _I_ am without a shot of getting what _he_ has." Beth frowned at him, and the camera cut over to Beardo.

The hairy boy was sitting against one of the walls, writing something on a piece of paper. A touching tune began to play as he 'spoke', producing a complex and hectic medley of sounds broken only when he paused to tap his chin with the end of his pencil.

The touching tune was suddenly replaced with something more dramatic as double door between the vats were thrown open by Scarlett and Dawn. The camera pulled out as the other cast members moaned, and the two young women stepped into the room – the brainiac holding a textbook, and the moonchild with some kind of canister.

"Who's there?" Sammy asked, her hands covering her eyes.

"It is Scarlett and I," Dawn declared, thrusting a finger into the air, "here to save you!"

Scarlett cleared her throat. "Technically, I'm here to clear a few things up," she corrected. "Namely, that these textbooks are low-quality _counterfeits_." She held the book she'd brought up, and easily tore the cover off it. "As a result, there is strong evidence to suggest that Mortatistical Crumples Disease doesn't...exist..." She trailed off as her bowels started to growl, and with a panicked look she dropped the book and ran towards the portable toilet. "Excuse me for a moment!"

"Then how do you explain _us_?!" Jo demanded, sitting up on her stretcher and still sweating heavily. "It's not like we're _faking_ any of this!"

"But that doesn't mean you're really _sick_, either," Dawn said. "Most of what's happening is probably just because it's what you _think_ should be happening. Belief is _quite_ a powerful force, you know."

"Yeah, well I don't _believe_ that!" Jo said.

"Yes, well, that's why I also brought _this_!" The camera focused in on the canister in her hand as she held it up, showing that it had an image of a cheese wedge on the label.

"Is that Parmesan?" DJ asked in a squeaky voice, still covering his groin. "I coulda _sworn_ I used it all for the pizzas last night!"

Dawn shook her head. "It isn't cheese, but it _was_ used in the pizzas. Friends, this canister I found in the kitchen contains none other than," she tore off the label to reveal a second beneath it with an image of scratching hands on it, "itching powder and laxatives!"

"Of course!" DJ squeaked. "That musta been what Chris wanted the _delivery guy_ to do!"

"It also gave everyone but me diarrhea and itchy lips, since I'm the only one who didn't eat the pizza," Dawn added.

It was then that Scarlett burst back out of the portable toilet followed by a cloud of foul odor. "Well, that explains most of the symptoms. I suppose whatever formula was used must have been chosen for it's delayed reaction."

"What about the sores on Lightning and DJ?" Beth asked before rubbing her swollen lips again.

"Oh those," Dawn laughed lightly, walking over to her quarantined teammate. "I'm pretty sure it's just a piece of pepperoni that got stuck on you when you fell asleep."

DJ looked at her blankly, then reached over to touch the sore on his right elbow; it peeled off easily. "Hey, she's right!"

"Huh?" Lightning said before examining his own sore; it also peeled off quickly. "Well I'll be sha-dipped!" He paused and blinked. "Hey, uh, can y'all let Lightning outta here now?"

"So wait," Jo spoke up, "the disease really _is_ fake?" She looked over at Beardo, Topher, and Sammy.

Sammy was the first to react, sitting up and blinking. "Oh em gee, I'm not _blind_ anymore!"

"And I can _talk_!" Beardo said, walking over from the wall he'd been sitting at.

"And I'm not gonna throw up anymore!" Topher added excitedly. "We're _cured_!" He immediately launched into a flurry of sneezes, then slumped. "Maybe not..."

"Can somebody _please_ let me out now?!" DJ pleaded. "I really gotta pee!"

"Oh! Right, sorry," Sammy said quickly, taking a pin out of her hair and rushing over to the gentle giant. Both of them winced as the bubble burst, and the trembling brickhouse immediately rushed over to the portable toilet.

"Uh, hello?" Lightning spoke up, rolling his puke-stained bubble into the middle of the room. "You better not be forgettin' me!"

Scarlett frowned in annoyance and took out a pin of her own, popping her teammate's bubble without another word as a triumphant tune beginning in the background.

"Phew!" the uber-jock said, wiping the sweat from his brow and now sitting on the floor. "That was too close!"

"Congratulations, Killer Grips!" the voice of Chris McLean came suddenly, the camera pulling out to show the host descending from the ceiling on another chain. "You just won the challenge!"

As the five Grips began to cheer and celebrate, Scarlett walked up to Chris with a stunned look on her face. "Why _them_? _I'm_ the one who figured out the textbooks were fake!"

"Yeah, but Dawn figured out the disease was a hoax too," Chris told her. "Not only that, but she also sussed out the causes. Brilliant work!"

Dawn smiled as DJ gave her a pat on the shoulder.

"And, for your _reward_," the host continued, frowning and looking down at his empty hands. "_Knew_ I forgot something. Just a sec!" he said before stepping back onto the chain's foothold and raising back out of the room.

"Man, you really did _great_, Dawn," DJ told his friend as their teammates gathered together. "If it hadn't been for you not eatin' that pizza, we all woulda been lyin' around thinkin' we were gonna die for the rest of the day."

"Oh, it was nothing," Dawn told him. "In fact, I really should have said something sooner! It would have saved you all the trouble."

"And _I_ shoulda tried to find out what Chris was havin' added to my pizzas," DJ countered, "but I didn't. Maybe you coulda figured this out earlier, but that doesn't change the fact that you _did_ figure it out."

"For once, I gotta agree with the big guy," Jo spoke up. "Maybe you didn't do it as quickly as possible, but you still won the challenge for us, and _that's_ what matters."

The viewpoint shifted and the camera pulled back to show Scarlett and Sammy watching the Grips. While the cheerleader was smiling at them sadly, the brainiac was scowling.

xxx

"Well _this_ has been the most disappointing challenge so far this season," Scarlett confessed, elbows on the table and head in her hands. "Not only do I suffer the _humiliation_ of giving incorrect answers to questions based on a falsified medical text, but I also lost the challenge due to a delayed _laxative_ reaction. Oh, how I will cherish the day I can finally _rid_ myself of the others."

xxx

"Hey, don't feel bad," Sammy told Scarlett as the footage cut back to them watching the Grips. "I mean, you were _pretty_ close to winning." She put a hand on her teammate's arm, but it was quickly shaken off.

"No. I. _Wasn't_," Scarlett shot before turning and storming away.

"Wow, guess she's pretty mad," Sammy murmured as Beth and Beardo walked up to her, also watching their off-screen team captain. They both nodded in agreement.

It was then that Chris returned, descending down on the same chain as before but now carrying a covered platter. "As I was saying," he said as he walked towards the Grips, "for your reward!"

He removed the cover and the camera zoomed in on what lay beneath – five picture frames, three in back and two in front, each containing a photograph of a different person. The first on the left was a brown-skinned young woman in some kind of sports jersey, a dangerously confident smirk framed by dark and straight chin-length hair. The second was a confident-looking older black woman with long and wavy hair in a bright green turtleneck and purple coat; her hat was also purple, and had several flowers and a feather in it. In the middle was a white man, pale and balding with long blonde hair and a tie-dyed shirt; he wore tinted spectacles, a flower wreath, and a calm smile. Fourth was another smiling black woman, younger and skinnier than the previous one; she wore her hair in long dreadlocks, had a single short gold earring in her left ear, and was dressed a plain blue t-shirt. And on the right end, grinning suavely with a rose in his hand, was a handsome young white man with well-coiffed blonde hair and a dark blue blazer.

"That's my Momma!" DJ said excitedly as the shot panned across the photos.

"And that's _my_ younger cousin," Topher declared. "He really takes after me, don't you think?"

"Yup!" Chris told them. "_One_ of you gets a whole spa night away from this cruddy studio lot, with your _very best friend_! So, who's the lucky stiff?"

"Well, as much as I really wanna talk to Momma," DJ spoke up, "I gotta back off from this one. If any of us deserves this reward, it's _you_, Dawn."

"M-me?" the mystic asked in surprise.

Jo sighed and palmed her face. "No, the _other_ person who won the challenge. Of course he means you! And as much as I wanna _gloat_ to my friend Mary, the big guy has a point."

B nodded, and patted Dawn on the shoulder. "Looks like the Killer Grips have spoken," Topher said to both Dawn and Chris before giving the petite girl a light shove forward.

"Friends," Dawn said softly as she began to tear up, "thank you so much!" Without warning she drew them all into a big hug, with Topher and especially Jo looking awkward and uncomfortable about it.

"Eeeuuughh," Chris said in disgust. "Clean up in aisle two!" he called, and moments later a pair of young white men in white work outfits walked through the open door, one of which carried a push broom. They disappeared off-screen for a moment, then reappeared with one pushing Dawn towards the door and the other sweeping up after.

"Thank for your kind gesture, my friends!" Dawn said as she allowed herself to be escorted out, wiping away her tears with her sleeves.

The scene cut outside as Dawn walked up to the beaten-down Lame-o-sine. The door opened, and she smiled and stepped inside.

"Hello, Daddy!" she said happily as the shot moved inside to show her hugging the balding long-haired hippie who had been seen in one of the pictures. "I've truly missed you. I have so much to talk about!"

"I missed you too, my little Dawnflower," the man said, smiling as he hugged his daughter. "Sorry I couldn't come to see you in the break between seasons, I was stuck in Saskatchewan investigating some UFO sightings."

"I understand," Dawn said as they broke their hug. "Sometimes you have no choice but to go where the Universe wants you, even if it means you have to be away from the ones you love."

Her father smiled and ruffled her hair. "That's my girl," he said with a light chuckle. "Now tell me, how have thing been going on that _show_? You still reading you tea leaves like I taught you to?"

"Mm-hmm!" Dawn nodded. "I've met some _wonderful_ people," she explained with a faint blush, "along with some, umm, _not_ so wonderful ones. Although it's more the wonderful people I wanted to ask you about..."

Her father blinked, and smiled. "Ask away, my little Dawnflower! I'll shine whatever light I can on you, just like always."

Dawn smiled, and cuddled close to him. "Thank you, Daddy..."

/

"Yeeesh," Chris cringed as the scene cut to him in his control room, the typical awestruck music used for the endings of episode beginning in the background. "Talk about your sappy family tree! Hopefully they'll bear the juicy fruit of _secrets_ and _drama_ while they're at the spa." He pulled a lever on the desk, cutting the monitor feeds to static, and stood up. "So, will the Grips' display of camaraderie last? Or will they fall apart the moment they're back together again? Find out next time, on Total! Drama! _Action_!"

(Fade to Credits)

* * *

**Author's Note - Post Script**

I did honestly consider changing the title of this episode to 'Scarlett Fever', but as that would have carried certain reader expectations that wouldn't have been fulfilled, I decided against it. There is a good chance I will use 'Scarlett Fever' as an episode title at some point, though.

The plot of this episode is honestly going to be quite predictable to those who remembered the canon episode, but I did try to spice it up at least by having the last two 'uninfected' individuals be on opposite teams. Also, Scarlett being Scarlett. Still kinda filler though.

Incidentally, the people in the pictures were as follows: Jo's friend/school rival Mary (name chosen specifically because it was originally Jo's); DJ's Momma; Dawn father; B's older sister (probably); and Topher's younger cousin. Not a whole lot to say about them besides Dawn's father, whom I wanted to give a specific vibe to. Since Dawn is often compared to/possibly based off of Luna Lovegood from the Harry Potter franchise, I decided to base Dawn's dad after Luna's dad, albeit a hippie rather than a wizard. Still someone who very much loves his daughter, though.

He actually wasn't the first idea I came up with for Dawn's 'best friend'. I considered another girl similar to Dawn (but without actual powers), as well as some sort of animal companion, but eventually I decided that a parent would work well for a cute scene at the end of the chapter. I hope you liked what I came up with!

Until next week!

\- Fangren

* * *

**Appendix: TSA Eliminated Contestants**

Geoff - (Tied for 14th Place)

Bridgette - (Tied for 14th Place)

Shawn - (13th Place)

Alejandro - (12th Place)

Sierra - (11th Place)


	9. Chapter 9 - The Sand Witch Project

**Author's Note**

Welcome back! Despite a few worries about how I'd end up resolving the second part of next episode's challenge, I managed to basically complete the chapter in a satisfactory fashion - all I have left is about a minute at the very end, which will be simple enough to complete on Saturday. But, of course, you'll have to wait a week to get more details on that front - we both know what you came here for!

But as always, the reviews must come first:

**Knifez:** Yeah, I know lol. I swear I didn't do that on purpose though. And wow, thanks for the praise on the chapter! For Dawn, I'll admit I've been trying to make her a tad more...human, I guess? I mean, we barely saw her in canon, and she's certainly been around the others long enough to maybe have them rub off on her a little. That aside, thanks for the analysis and review!

**Ddynamo:** Not much to say other than that your opinions are always interesting to here!

**bruno14:** Thanks! I'm glad you liked, well, everything you mentioned. But especially the scene with Dawn and her father!

**Zak Saturday:** Thanks, on both accounts! I was worried nobody would pay attention to the unused friends/relatives.

**Madison Wooten:** Well, uh, I hope you have your pants ready then!

**FOWLKON:** Ohohoho, I'm afraid you'll have to wait various amounts of time to find out the answers to those questions of yours.

**acosta perez jose ramiro:** Yup, that's just what I was going for with her! Of course, the challenge wouldn't really have worked had she gone into knowing the books were fake, but that's kind of besides the point.

**Ali6132:** Sorry, but no more hints about World Tour for a very long time. I'm glad you liked the pairings with those three, as well as Dawn's father. And believe me, I can't wait to unleash the full Scarlett myself.

**BuckJohnson:** Please don't worry about not reviewing every chapter. I'm glad you've liked the story so far, and that I've surprised you a few times, but I'm not willing to reveal anything about next season's cast right now.

**80jj:** Thanks! And yeah, Leshawna's crying was really pointless from an IC perspective since she could have easily convinced the others that since she'd won the challenge for them, she should get the reward. It was really just a means of causing drama, and I'm glad I didn't have to resort to a similar stunt.

**I. M. Poik:** Not much to say to all those interesting thoughts, other than that I've put a lot of thought into how I'm going to introduce the two WT newbies. It isn't finalized yet, but I think it'll go over well.

**Identification:** I'm glad you liked it! An interesting idea for Dawn's best friend. Not sure I would have used it had I thought of it myself, but a good idea nonetheless.

**Call Me Ishmael:** Wow, lots of interesting analysis and opinions that I can't really comment on right now. Still, thanks for sharing!

**The Beautiful Kayla Storm:** Thanks for the review, though I won't promise anything.

**OMAC001:** Well, I hope you like how things turn out!

**Guest 9:** I can't really see her helping much. She'd probably just tell you to go to a doctor.

**Cole D. soul:** I'm glad you liked it! And honestly, calling her 'Sammy' just seemed right from the beginning. It was obviously what she wanted to be called, and who would use her abusive sister's nickname for her anyway? Other than that, not much I can say that hasn't already been said.

**Star Saber21:** Thanks, as always!

**StayOuttaMyShed:** First of all, thank you so much for reviewing last season as well! I really looked forward to reading all of your reactions. Of course, I can't really answer your questions without giving things away, so you'll just have to wait and see how things turn out. I hope you continue to enjoy this fic!

And that's done with for the week! Last thing to do before start is remind folks of the remaining contestants:

Screaming Gaffers \- Scarlett, Lightning, Beth, Sammy, Beardo

Killer Grips \- Jo, DJ, Dawn, B, Topher

Not like it's changed since last time. But there's an elimination week, and a scream-inducing challenge I hope you're all ready and waiting for!

\- Fangren

* * *

**Episode 9 – The Sand Witch Project**

"Last time, on Total! Drama! Action!" The recap began immediately, cutting from the ambulance dropping off the covered stretcher, Sammy ascending from the slime vat holding an arm, and Lightning belching in Scarlett's face.

"A girl with _vision_," Chris said over shots of Dawn smiling, pleading with the others shortly after Lightning had been quarantined, and laughing lightly as she walked over to the quarantined DJ. "Vision that took her _past_ everyday thinking. But when the chips were down," Topher was shown puking while he argued with the swollen-lipped Beth, "and even when the chips came back up again," Scarlett and Dawn were shown bursting through the double doors, "she was the _only_ one who could rescue them." The 'infected' castmates were shown lying on stretchers, and Scarlett was shown making a dash for the portable toilet.

"Searching for the cure to the disease that was afflicting her _dearest_ friends." A sweaty Jo was shown sitting up on her stretcher and speaking angrily to Dawn, and Lightning was shown running around the room in his plastic bubble. "A challenge was _won_," the other castmates were shown happily realizing they weren't sick, "a cure _found_," the canister Dawn had brought was revealed to be itching powder and laxatives.

"But, will the secrets she-" the host continued over a shot of the Grips being presented with their reward, and subsequently choosing Dawn to receive it. He began to munch and crunch on something, though, so the rest of his sentence was completely muddled and unintelligible. The recap footage ended and the shot cut to Chris sitting on the amphitheater bleachers with a back of popcorn at his side.

"Hey, what can I say?" he told the camera as it zoomed in on him. "Gross disease movies make me crave a little corn!" He picked up his snack and smiled. "But, it's time to put the snacks _away_, kiddies," he tossed the bag over his shoulder, "because after this totally _terrifying_ episode," he waggled his fingers spookily before the scene cut to a nighttime shot of him walking past a portable toilet near the cast trailers, "there won't be a stomach left unturned!" A horrible growling noise came from inside the toilet that made the host flinch, but he recovered his composure quickly and walked over to a nearby campfire. "Hold on to your _buckets_, it's time for some Total! Drama! Action!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be...famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be...famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

The episode opened with a distance shot of Beth and Beardo exiting the craft services tent, each holding a small basket of sandwich wedges.

"I can't believe how many of these were leftover after lunch!" Beth gushed as the shot zoomed in and she tossed one of the sandwiches into her mouth.

"Yeah," Beardo said after quickly sucking his fingertips, "DJ really made a _ton_ of these egg salad sandwiches. I hope he didn't have plans for 'em!" He quickly ate another sandwich out of his basket.

"Haha, right," Beth laughed for a moment before the two stopped in their tracks. "Looks like he has _other_ things to worry about though." She said with a stifled giggle before the camera panned to the left – past Jo and Lightning arm wrestling at one end of a picnic table, and Dawn, Sammy, and B sitting at the other end, and Topher sunbathing in front of the cast trailers, to show DJ slumped down on the ground. He was fast asleep, snoring and clutching a plush dog.

The shot zoomed out to show Beth and Beardo approaching the group, then cut in to Lightning growing excited when he saw them. "Hey, is that more lunch?" he asked, standing up from his seat just as Jo forced his arm down. "Toss one over to Lightning!" Beth and Beardo looked at each other, then shrugged. Beardo threw one of his sandwiches to the uber-jock, who caught it happily and shoved it into his mouth.

The moment he sat down, the sound of a fart echoed through the air. Jo was the first to start laughing at him, but was soon joined by most of the others, and an embarrassed Lightning looked around to see Beardo with his hands over his mouth.

xxx

"That brother better watch his _back_," Lightning angrily told the confessional camera, leaning forward and thrusting a finger at it. "Ain't _nobody_ makes a fool outta Lightning and gets away with it!"

xxx

The footage cut back to Jo eating one of the sandwiches, still laughing. "Calm down," she said to the pouting uber-jock across from her, "or you'll _really_ let one rip!" She finished her sandwich and smiled. "Man, I think these are even better than they were at _lunch_!"

"Yeah," Sammy agreed as the camera panned over to her, B, and Dawn eating as well. "Thanks for sharing these, you two!"

"No problem!" Beth said. "Now watch _this_!" A fast-paced and hectic tune began as she did a front handspring, landed, then jumped into the air, twirled a few times, and landed in splits. "I call this the Egg Salad Fireworks," she said as she did her routine. She stood up from her splits, took out a few sandwiches from behind her back, and called out "Drumroll!" Beardo obliged and the background music faded off as Beth tossed her snacks into the air, and caught them all into her open mouth. She took a bow with her cheeks bulging.

Beardo, Sammy, Dawn, and B applauded politely. "That was lovely," Dawn said. "It's too bad DJ's too tired to watch, though."

"Yeah..." Sammy added as the camera panned over to the sleeping giant, zooming in on him as a ripple effect transitioned the scene.

/

It was a dark and stormy night on the film lot, and a rat scurried by past the craft services tent before lightning flashed and the camera zoomed in on the light coming from the kitchen window. A few jarringly tense notes played as the shot focused on a kitchen knife in DJ's hand before the music softened out and the knife was used to spread egg salad on a slice of bread. Cheese and lettuce were added next, followed by another slice of bread, and DJ was showing looking at the sandwich with a smile on his face – a stack of similar sandwiches was on the counter nearby.

"Those look _really_ good, DJ," Sammy said, leaning out from behind the gentle giant. "But don't you think you should be getting to bed soon?" Another flash of lightning came from outside.

"Nah, I wanna finish these sandwiches for tomorrow," he told her with a smile. "Although I guess I _can_ take a little break." They drew close together, and kissed.

"You know, we really should tell Dawn and the others about, uh, _us_," Sammy said.

"Yeah, I don't like lyin' to her either," DJ said with a frown. "But I also don't want people thinkin' we're tryin' to _cheat_ by helpin' each other out. _Especially_ after all that stuff with Chef."

Sammy frowned. "Yeah, I see your point. Guess there's no choice but to wait." She shrugged helplessly, and kissed DJ again.

The footage rippled back to the present.

/

DJ was still snoring peacefully as the camera panned away from him, back to the picnic table where Beth and Beardo had joined most of the others.

"So, what're you guys doing?" Beth asked as Dawn shuffled a deck of cards.

"Oh, since we don't think there's gonna be a challenge today," Sammy explained, "Dawn's been doing tarot readings for all of us. It's been really cool hearing about our fortunes." She looked back at her friend as B nodded beside her.

"Oh, it's really no big deal," the mystic said with a light blush. "Just something I thought I'd share with my friends."

"Pfft, it's not like it's even _real_," Jo scoffed as she and Lightning were shown to have resumed their arm wrestling.

"Are you just mad because the 'Death' card came up for you?" Sammy asked cautiously.

"No!" the jock-ette sputtered. "I don't care _what_ that card means, I'm not gonna die and I'm _definitely_ not changing!"

Sammy and Beth giggled as the camera moved back to the larger group. "So," Beardo said, "what's my fortune?"

"Let's find out!" Dawn told him happily as she finished shuffling her deck. She passed it over to the beatboxer who gave it a few shuffles as well, then cut it and slid it back to the fortune-teller. She closed her eyes, and slowly began to place three cards face-up on the table in front of her. She then opened her eyes, raised her eyebrows, and said "Oh my..."

"What?" Beardo asked, looking suspiciously at the cards that had been placed on the table. "This, uh, 'Wheel of Fortune' a big deal or something?" He tapped the card on the right with his finger.

Dawn blinked at him. "Well, possibly. It basically means that you can't change what happens." Beardo raised an eyebrow and looked at Beth as Dawn continued. "I'm more worried about the 'Queen of Swords'," she said as she pointed to the card in the middle, between the 'Wheel of Fortune' and the 'Seven of Wands'. "There's a female presence in your life that you should be wary of," the blonde said. "If they haven't appeared yet, they will _soon_."

Beardo furrowed his brow and made an ominous and creepy whistle.

The background music became tense as the loudspeakers squealed on. "Attention Total Drama victims!" Chris announced dramatically. "Please meet me in the northeast corner of the studio-palooza! Bring lozenges!" he added over a shot of Beth chewing and swallowing one of her sandwiches while looking up nervously. "The screaming is gonna _hurt_!"

"Huh, I guess there really _is_ a challenge," Beth said as she looked at the others around her.

/

The footage cut to a view of Scarlett and Lightning through a small monitor looking unamused. "We've walked all the way out here," the brainiac said, "so why hasn't _Chris_ arrived yet?" The camera pulled out to show that the monitor was part of a larger recording device pointed at the Gaffers, who along with the Grips had assembled at an open-air set in what looked to be the middle of nowhere.

"He probably just wants to make a dramatic entrance," Topher suggested, leaning against a light in the middle of the shot. "You know how Chris is."

As if on cue, a familiar shout came from above that startled the handsome boy. He and the other castmates looked up in time to see none other than the host falling back-first from above, a small square of red just barely visible on the bottom of his shirt. He landed just below the screen with appropriately dramatic music and a burst of something thick and red that splattered the horrified contestants.

The camera cut to a tilted shot of Chris McLean impaled on the same light which Topher had just been leaning up against. All of the castmates screamed save Beth, who was shown sort of gasping as she tried to scream but failed.

Topher waved his hand in front of his Idol's blank eyes. "Oh no, that was _too_ dramatic!" he said in shock and panic.

"Nah, I think it was _just_ right!" Chris said, suddenly sitting up with a grin and a shrug.

"Darn," Jo spoke up, "and here I was thinking we were finally _rid_ of you."

"It's the magic of cinema, boys and girls!" Chris declared, ignoring the jock-ette's comment. "I'm absolutely, perfectly, Chris-ily fine!" He took the top of the light off his body, revealing that, in fact, he hadn't been impaled at all. "Wanna see how it's done?"

"NO!" every contestant except B shouted, and even then the ever-silent young man glared angrily at the host.

Chris explained anyway, and blood appeared to pour down over the camera turning the whole screen red before the shot zoomed out to show the red was all inside a small square packet similar to what had been on the host's shirt. "Our cracker-jack effects team seals fake blood into a thin membrane of plastic," Chris said before the shot of him falling was shown again, "called a '_squib_'." A top-down view of the fall appeared on the top half of the screen that showed the host smiling, while a yellow-and-black silhouette scene on the bottom depicted two interns carrying a mattress to the landing sight.

"This baby bursts on impact," the host said as the screen was splattered red again, which dripped away to show footage of the mattress being lowered into a hole in the ground behind the light, Chris falling down into it with a burst of blood before the ground the light was on descended into the ground and a platform with Chris on the fake light rose to take its place. "An old-fashioned optical illusion helps sell that I get impaled!" the host said as another silhouetted scene slid in from the right showing the fall from a side-view, with the quick change of platforms and lights.

"Just get on with it already," Jo groaned.

"Wow, Beth," Sammy told her shorter teammate, "I can't believe you didn't scream when he fell!"

"I did on the _inside_," Beth said. "I just can't _do it_ on the outside."

Sammy's brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"

"When I was ten," Beth explained to the cheerleader and Beardo, who had been standing nearby, "and they were doing my tonsillectomy, there was a _freak accident_ and the doctor's earring fell into my throat." She pointed at her throat and shrugged. "Can't scream worth a darn!"

Beardo gave an impressed whistle and said "Dang!"

"I know, right?" Beth nodded.

"Time for today's totally terrifying, blood-curdling, Horror Movie Challenge!" Chris announced with appropriately dramatic hand gestures before starting to walk around in front of the castmates.

"Didn't we already do this last season?" Jo asked. "I mean, not that I'm complaining or anything since I _dominated_ that one."

"Don't you worry," Chris told her as he continued, "this one's gonna be _different_. But to figure out which team gets which challenge, we're having a Scream-Off! Think of _every_ great horror movie you've ever seen. They all have one thing in common: _fantastic_ screaming from actors. _And_," he added as he walked back past the Gaffers and lingered in front of Topher, "the killers that snuff them." The pretty boy looked nervously shocked, but Chris paid him no heed. "Each team, pick a serial killer," he told the castmates. "The rest of you will be the _screamers_. If your serial killer can make you scream the loudest, your team wins!"

A roaring chainsaw swiped down across the screen, accompanied by a sudden but dramatic twist to the background music as the screen was splattered red again.

/

The 'blood' effect drained away, transitioning the scene to Scarlett addressing the other Screaming Gaffers outside the numbered studios. "Keeping in mind that whoever is chosen will have to be realistically intimidating, does anybody want to volunteer?"

"You're _kiddin_', right?" Lightning said as he immediately raised his hand. "Lightning _always_ intimidates people with his physicality and athletic, uh, prowess."

"Umm...," Sammy said softly, looking at Beth and hesitantly raising her hand.

She was cut off by a piercing stock scream sound effect from Beardo. "Dude, just let _me_ do it," the hairy boy offered. "You want realistic intimidation, then look no further!" He smirked confidently at the uber-jock.

"Well...," Sammy said again, cautiously but not as softly as before. Beth and Scarlett gave her questioning looks.

"You need more than some _sound effects_ to be scary," Lightning retorted.

"Can I just say something?" Sammy said, finally loud enough to get the attention of Lightning and Beardo. "Shouldn't Beth be the one who does it? Since, you know, she can't actually be one of the _screamers_."

Scarlett tapped her chin in thought. "Hmmm...you make a good point."

xxx

"I'm not really sure if I'll be able to scare the others," Beth pondered in the make-up trailer. "_Especially_ since they'll be expecting me. Maybe I should think of some scary things to _say_ when I pop up?" She tapped her chin in thought.

xxx

"Considering we'll be rated on our screaming ability," Scarlett told the others, "it _does_ put us at less of a disadvantage if we delegate the 'serial killer' role to Beth."

"Aww come on, you can't expect Lightning to be scared of _this_ creampuff!" the uber-jock protested, motioning to Beth who glared at him.

"I don't expect you to be scared of _any_ of us," Scarlett told him. "Nor do I think any of us will be scary enough for three people's screams to outperform four of the Grips. As such, as _team captain_ I have decided to delegate the role to Beth."

Lightning grumbled and scowled and looked away, but said nothing.

/

"Okay, just so we're clear on this, _I'm_ the one doing the scaring," Jo told her four teammates with a hockey mask in her hand. "Unless anyone has a _problem_ with that?"

"No problems here!" Dawn said with a smile.

"Yeah," DJ added, "I didn't wanna do it anyway. Momma says scaring people isn't gentlemanly."

"As much as I wouldn't mind being able to shield my face," Topher said, quickly swiping the mask from the jock-ette and holding it in front of him, "you _are_ the most intimidating member of the team."

Jo scowled, and grabbed the mask back. "And what about you, Silent Treatment?" she asked B. The silent boy shrugged calmly and gave her a finger pistol. "Good," the jock-ette said before rubbing her chin thoughtfully. "Come to think of it, what _about_ you? You're not gonna have trouble _screaming_, are you?"

B shook his head, then drew in a deep breath and gave a short, loud holler that briefly stunned Jo. "Okay then," she smirked, "looks like that's settled!"

/

The footage skipped ahead to night, showing a close-up of Topher walking and sniffing somewhere around a wooded part of the film lot. "Jeez, I thought I was _over_ this cold!" he whined as he wiped a bit of snot away from his nose. "I can't be expected to act like this!"

"Chill out, man," Beardo said as the shot pulled back to show the beatboxer wandering around the woods as well. "Not like people haven't seen you with a runny nose before."

"Alright, Topher and Beardo," Chris announced as the shot pulled out yet again to show the host sitting in a director's chair just off what was revealed to be an indoor forest set. "Prepare yourselves for your killers to enter!" The viewpoint shifted in front as he continued excitedly. "And then, I want huge, massive, _ginormous_ screams! We'll be measuring the volume on our Scream-o-Meter!" He pointed above him as a bright green volume icon appeared; a stock screaming sound effect was played that caused the volume meter to rise from left to right, green to yellow to red.

"Lights!" Chris commanded, a dramatic note playing as a stage light was shown turning on. "Camera!" he pointed to his right, and a camera was shown popping up and turning on to another dramatic note. "_Action_!" A film slate was held in front of the camera filming Chris and clapped.

/

Topher was shown in the distance with his back towards the camera just before a hockey mask was put 'on' over the shot. The camera moved forward a few steps towards some bushes as tense music built in the background, and the viewpoint shifted to show what was obviously a masked Jo watching her teammate from hiding.

The music peaked as she jumped into the open with a roar, grabbing Topher by the shoulders when he turned around and shaking him vigorously. The pretty boy's voice raised as he began to scream, but it was cut off by a sudden sneeze.

Jo stopped shaking him to look down at her shirt, which had been sneezed on. "_Seriously_?" she asked in annoyance, only to get a sheepish shrug from her teammate who gave another, much less enthusiastic scream.

The Scream-o-Meter only registered a few bars.

/

"Okay, here goes nothin'," Beth muttered to herself as she put on her mask and ducked behind a bush. Another tense tune played as the shot pulled out to show Beardo wandering around with his back to where his friend was lurking. He turned slightly, and Beth scurried over to another bush. The hairy boy heard the rustling she made, but didn't catch her when he looked back. Shrugging to himself, he walked over towards the bush and lingered with his back to it.

"BOO!" Beth yelled, popping up from behind him with a menacing pose. Beardo jumped and gave a short scream, then looked back over his shoulder. Beth growled at him, and he screamed louder.

The Scream-o-Meter made it all the way to red.

"With a solid 55 on the Scream-o-Meter," Chris announced as the shot cut back, showing Topher and Jo still standing nearby, "let's notch one up for Beth, Beardo, and the Screaming Gaffers!"

/

The scene changed to a portable toilet set up in a smaller indoor forest set. "Wow," Sammy said as the camera cut inside, "I can't believe they're filming us in _here_." The shot zoomed out slightly, showing that she was, indeed, sitting on the toilet. "I hope they don't expect us to, umm, _pee_ or anything."

/

A flash took the scene to B's turn alone in the portable toilet. He looked somewhat nervous as his eyes wandered around the small room, the background music staying low as the silent boy waited. He twiddled his thumbs, and batted the end of the toilet paper dangling out of the dispenser a bit, then shrugged helplessly at the camera. He whistled a single note, and Jo burst through the door suddenly and violently, yelling something unintelligible. B screamed loudly.

/

Another flash, and this time Beth was shown bursting through the toilet, causing Sammy to yelp. "Grrr, " the diminutive killer growled, "I'm gonna chop you up and feed you to, umm, a _sheep_!"

Sammy paused, and narrowed her eyes in confusion. "Why a sheep?"

"A-aren't you scared of them?" Beth asked nervously.

"No," the nice twin frowned, "_Amy's_ afraid of sheep. I'm afraid of _goats_."

"Oh," Beth said awkwardly.

/

The scene cut back to B and Jo, the silent guy still screaming and the Scream-o-Meter reading in the red. The screaming ended abruptly with a light fart from B, who quickly closed his mouth and blushed.

"Hah," Jo said with a snort and a chuckle that earned her a glare from her teammate, "looks like I scared you _big time_!" She sniffed the air, then backed out of the toilet and closed the door.

/

"So, uhh...," Sammy said awkwardly.

"Oh, right," Beth said before clearing her throat. "Grrr! I'm gonna chop you up and feed you to a _goat_!" she declared in a menacing fashion.

Sammy just stared blankly at her for a moment. "Sorry," she said, "I'm just not feeling it."

"Awww," Beth said, slumping down. "I really thought I had it!"

"At least you tried," Sammy told her, putting a hand on the other girl's shoulder. "Trying to use my phobia was a good idea! You just, umm, got it mixed up." Beth looked at the cheerleader and sighed again.

The shot cut back outside the portable toilet as Chris walked into view in front of it. "And that's round two to Jo, B, and the Killer Grips," he announced, "with a stink-raising _75_ on the Scream-o-Meter!"

/

The footage flashed ahead to another set, this time a couch in what appeared to be a small cottage in the woods. Dawn and DJ were sitting on it together with scripts in their hands, while Chris stood a few feet away. "Alright guys," he told the two, "this is the tiebreaker scene. You're gonna have to act your faces off!"

"Shouldn't be _too_ bad," DJ said nervously as he skimmed his script.

"Oh, certainly," Dawn began to agree as she read as well. She stopped suddenly, eyes wide and face red. "Oh _my_..."

DJ squeaked. "Chris, man, do we really gotta make out?" he asked the host with a blush of his own, pointing at part of the script.

"Uh-huh!" the host nodded with an impish smile.

"Oh! R-right, yeah," the gentle giant stammered. He awkwardly turned his head towards his teammate, who had done the same without either realizing it. As soon as they locked eyes their blushes intensified, and they quickly looked away.

The camera panned to Chris, who rolled his eyes and shook his head.

/

Scarlett and Lightning were on the couch for the Gaffers, the camera focusing on the brainiac as she scanned the papers in her hand. Her eyebrows shot up and she cringed, dropping the papers as she shuddered. "No," she stated. "I absolutely _refuse_ to perform any displays of intimacy with Lightning."

"Girl, you ain't exactly Lightning's sha-_type_ yourself," the uber-jock shot at her.

Chris poked the top of his head up from behind the couch, looked between the two stubborn teens, and raised himself even further with a grin on his face. "Don't forget, kiddies," he told them, "it's a million bucks!" He ducked back behind the couch again.

Scarlett shuddered again, then shot a look of disgust at her partner. Lightning looked back with equal unease, but nevertheless the two leaned towards each other with their eyes clenched shut and puckered up. Their lips only barely touched before they recoiled in mutual disgust.

"Blecch," Lightning said as he spat a few times on the ground while the redhead beside him rubbed her sleeve against her mouth, "that was _nasty_!"

As they groaned and spat, a gleaming butcher's knife rose up from behind the couch. Beth jumped up suddenly, landing on top of the couch and growling "I'm gonna chop you into little _teriyaki_ bits!"

Neither of her teammates gave any signs of noticing.

/

"It's, umm, not like it _means_ anything," Dawn said as the footage cut back to her and DJ, both still blushing. "I mean, it _is_ just a scene after all."

"Yeah," DJ said nervously, "you're right. It's just a scene. It's not like we're _dating_ or anything."

"Right...," Dawn said softly as she and DJ turned back to face each other. They took each took a deep breath and slowly leaned towards each other, eyes closed and lips puckered up. Neither noticed the shadow of a knife-wielding figure fall on them.

/

Beth looked between her teammates who were still recovering from their kiss, shrugged at the camera, and jumped back behind the couch. She stood hidden only for a second, before jumping back out and yelling "I'm gonna tear you limb from limb!"

Lightning and Scarlett looked at her blankly. "Huh? Oh yeah," Lightning muttered before screaming in a halfhearted fashion.

"Right," Scarlett murmured before unleashing a deadpan scream of her own. Together, they barely topped Topher's score on the Scream-o-Meter.

/

As Dawn and DJ began to gingerly make-out, the background music spiked dramatically as Jo rushed towards them, screaming and brandishing her knife wildly.

She got her teammates' attention immediately, and they began to scream in fear and panic. It was enough to put the Scream-o-Meter all the way in the red, and while Dawn stopped shortly DJ continued on until he passed out and fell forward off the couch.

"Well, looks to me like Jo the Killer and the Killer Grips have won this one," Chris announced as he walked onto the set with a motion towards the Meter at the top of the screen, "seeing as they buried the needle. Join us after the break to see if DJ is still alive," he said with a point to the fainted brickhouse, whom Dawn and Jo were looking at with shock and concern. "DJ!" Chris called lightly. "Come in, DJ!"

(Fade to Commercial and Back)

The footage came back with a bottom-up shot of the other nine campers looking down in a circle; counterclockwise from a gap at the top of the screen were B, Scarlett, Beth, Dawn, Beardo at the bottom, Sammy, Jo, Topher, and Lightning.

"Oh, I really hope he's okay!" Dawn and Sammy said at the same time, giving each other an odd look afterward.

"Hey, I think he's sayin' somethin'" Beardo said before the viewpoint moved to a close-up of the unconscious brickhouse.

"Momma...?" he murmured before the scene shifted to the gentle giant sitting in a field of clouds, a harp playing gently in the background. He perked up and put his hand to his brow as he looked into the distance, and from behind an older black woman was shown. She was somewhat fat and dressed in reds and purples, with long wavy hair and feathers and flowers in her hat. "Momma!" DJ cried, his voice echoing slightly. "I'm here! Momma!" He began running towards the figure with a happy smile on his face.

The figure turned around, revealing the face that had been on one of the reward pictures in the previous episode, although she was now crossing her arms and looking disappointed. "It's me, Momma!" DJ called out in a worried tone. "It's Poopie-doo! Your little Devon Joseph Poopie-doo!"

Momma shook her head and tutted. "Son, I didn't raise you to play with girls' hearts! You gotta be _honest_ with yourself, _and_ them!" She grabbed her son by the shoulders, and began to shake him lightly.

The scene cut back to the set, where DJ had been propped back up on the couch and Dawn and Sammy had gently shook him awake. He gasped, and looked around in confusion. "What happened? Where am I?"

"Don't worry, DJ," Dawn said as she hugged her friend and the viewpoint moved to behind the couch,, "you're safe."

"Yeah," Sammy added with a hug of her own and a brief but pointed look at Dawn, "you're right here with...us."

A throat was cleared behind Sammy, and the camera panned to the left slightly as she looked back to see Scarlett standing with an unamused and expectant look on her face. Sammy blushed, and separated herself from her friend.

"Now that _that's_ over with," Scarlett said as the two young women walked over towards the rest of their team, the cheerleader still looking back, "we can regroup as a _team_." Sammy laughed nervously. "Fortunately for us, this wasn't the immunity challenge."

"Yeah," Lightning said, "cause this team _barely_ even screamed!"

Beardo made buzzer sound. "Hold on, Beth and me did our part, _you two_ barely screamed and lost the tiebreaker for us." Lightning scowled at him.

"Moving right along," Chris interrupted as the camera pulled out to show the full cast. "it's time to pack up those overnight bags, Gaffer losers!" The camera focused on the five in question. "You and your sleeping bags are spending the night in the dining hall!" All five of them slumped in disappointment. "Winner Grips, back to the comfort of the trailers for a little R&amp;R! I'll see you there in half an hour." He snapped his fingers and pointed at them with a grin.

/

The scene flashed over to the craft services tent, the lights within already on. Beardo was heard making a variety of spooky noises, and the camera cut inside. "Man, we gotta spend the night in _here_?" the hairy beatboxer said with a chuckle. "It's not really scary when you think about all the meals we've had in this place."

"Yeah," Beth added. "I wonder if there are any leftovers in the kitchen?"

"Guys!" Chris called from off-camera. "You mind joining us here?" A creepy tune began as the shot moved onto the host on a stool in the middle of the tent, the other three Gaffers seated on the floor around him as Beth and Beardo walked up.

"I'm about to tell _you_ why this film lot was abandoned and _closed_!" he told the teens in a low voice.

"Because it wasn't built to code?" Scarlett deadpanned.

"Hush, my child," Chris told her. "This film lot is perfectly _safe_! On _this_ plane. But in the other dimension...," he trailed off, picking up a flashlight and shining it dramatically up from under his chin, making Beth, Beardo, and Sammy's eyes widen. "Juanita Rentacop, a dedicated security guard who worked here for twenty-five loyal years, until her _mysterious_ death," he told them slowly. "Right here...," the music built quickly and sharply as the camera pulled back and he stood up and pointed at the ground. "ON THIS VERY SPOT!" Even Scarlett and Lightning flinched slightly from his sudden exclamation.

"Now," Chris continued as he looked from Gaffer to Gaffer, "her desperate and uneasy spirit walks the lot." He tilted his flashlight towards the wall and doorway, shadows of the bare tree branches falling on the outside of the tent. "No one has ever managed to spend a _whole_ night in this craft service tent!"

"Because it collapsed around them?" Scarlett asked in a dry and unimpressed tone.

"'Cause," Chris told her as he returned the light to under his chin and the background music rose again, "of the HAUNTING!" he leaned away from her and turned off his flashlight. "Your task," he said with a grin in the center of the group, "spend the _whole_ night here, without leaving this tent. If even _one_ of you manages to do so," he began to walk off to a table near the kitchen, "your team gets invincibility, and _nobody_ goes home."

"Track _any_ psychic phenomenon using these ghost meters," the host said as the camera zoomed in on a trio of handheld electronic devices resting on the table along with a ouija board. "And just in case," he added as Beth walked over to him, holding out his flashlight before clutching it to his chest and handing the girl a tiny keychain flashlight instead.

"Gee, _thanks_," Beth said as she held up the light and turned it on, completely unimpressed.

/

A flash took the scene to the campfire in front of the cast trailers, where the five Grips awaited an approaching Chris McLean. "The Screaming Gaffers are sitting in the craft services tent like sitting ducks," he told them as the camera panned from his close-up to uncertain DJ and confident Jo, then excited Topher and smirking B. "Your task is to make like special effects gurus, and _frighten_ the pants off them!" He laughed, then told a skeptical Dawn "Or at least scare them enough to get them out of the tent before sunrise."

"Scare them?" Dawn asked. "How are we supposed to do that?"

"That's up to you guys," Chris answered. "But if you get them _out_, your team wins invincibility and _nobody_ goes home. Oh," he added as an afterthought, "just so you know, I told them some cockamamie story about a security guard who died on set." He chuckled, then walked away.

"How we gonna pull _this_ off?" DJ asked his teammates with a slightly worried look.

"Blondie and Side-pony are practically afraid of their own _shadows_," Jo said, rubbing her chin thoughtfully.

"Hard to say with the _others_," Topher added, "but it shouldn't be too hard to scare them. In fact, I think-"

"Got it!" Jo declared with a snap of her fingers that interrupted her teammate. "Let's go, we have _work_ to do." Topher glared at her in annoyance while DJ, Dawn, and B shared a shrug and followed the jock-ette away from the trailers.

/

The footage skipped ahead and cut to the kitchen, where Dawn and DJ were tiptoeing quietly around. The gentle giant opened the refrigerator just enough to stick his arm in, while the mystic carefully peaked into a cupboard. A split-screen showed them each retrieving a small bottle before closing their respective doors, then smiling at each other. The camera zoomed in on the open window, then cut outside just as the two thieves rejoined their teammates behind the tent with a mixing bowl and spoon joining the bottles they'd pilfered.

"Good job," Jo whispered to them as she stuck a fish hook into a pillow. "Now get to work on that fake blood, I've almost got our '_ghost_' ready." She draped a white sheet over the pillow, held it up, and smiled.

/

Lightning, Beardo, Sammy, and Beth were shown playing cards at the table nearest the closed-up meal counter inside the tent, while Scarlett sat at the other end with the ghost detectors they'd been given.

"So, Beardo, are you worried about the fortune Dawn gave you earlier?" Sammy asked as she put a card from her hand down on the table. "I mean, that security guard's ghost _could_ be the female presence she was warning you about."

Beardo laughed nervously while Lightning rolled his eyes next to him and played a card of his own. "Nah, that story was probably just made up, like Scarlett said," Beardo replied as the camera panned back across to the girls as Beth noticed something behind her and began to wheeze out a failed scream. "Nothin' to worry about if there's no _ghost_ hauntin' this place."

Beth wheeze-screamed again, and her teammates looked at her oddly. "Somethin' wrong?" Beardo asked as his wide-eyed friend finally pointed to the air behind her. A few deep notes played as the shot cut to the pillow-ghost, swaying on a fishing line and dripping with something red.

"It's the ghost!" Beardo yelled as Sammy and Lightning screamed, and along with Beth dashed towards the exit.

"Not it isn't," Scarlett declared forcefully, not taking her eyes off the ghost detector she'd apparently taken apart. Her teammates stopped in their tracks to look over at her fearfully.

xxx

"This challenge is _insultingly_ easy," Scarlett told the confessional camera. "The combination of an unfamiliar location and an obviously fake '_mystery death_'," she rolled her eyes and made air quotes, "is designed to make us fear the consequences of staying the night. Naturally, the Grips will have been given the task of playing the _ghost_, not like they'll succeed in scaring us away with _my_ guidance." She finished her confessional by adjusting her glasses and smiling smugly at the camera.

xxx

With an unimpressed look on her face and a drumroll in the background, Scarlett approached the hanging ghost. Her teammates flinched and gasped as she grabbed hold of the sheet and threw it off, revealing the red-soaked pillow beneath it.

"Oh my gosh!" Beth declared. "It's just a _trick_!"

/

The scene cut back outside, where the Grips turned away from the window they'd been watching from.

"Uggh, why didn't I _realize_?" Jo growled in a low voice, palming her face in frustration. "Of _course_ Miss Know-it-all isn't gonna believe in ghosts!"

"What the heck are we gonna do _now_?" DJ asked.

"Hey hey," Topher interrupted with a grin, "come on! I think you're _all_ getting ahead of yourselves. Jo's plan was a good start, but it wasn't _believable_ enough. We just need to work _more_ with what Chris told them!"

"And I suppose you have an idea how to do that?" Jo asked skeptically.

"Sure do," Topher smiled.

/

Back in the craft services tent, the Gaffers had resumed their card game. The focus was put on Sammy as she scanned her five-card hand, then placed them down with a smile. "I'm pretty sure I just won," she said happily.

Lightning leaned over to look at her cards, then groaned. "Sha-dang, how the heck did you win that? You musta cheated, it's the only way someone like _you_ could beat sha-_Lightning_."

"You want me to play some sad music for the pitiful dude who hasn't won a hand yet?" Beardo said with a chuckle and a smirk before miming and mimicking a violin being played.

Lightning scowled at him and stood up, but as he did so the lights in the tent shut off. "Oh no," Beth whispered frightfully as she and the other Gaffers were shown looking around in confusion.

The scene moved outside, to where B and Dawn were standing by a power box. B had already pulled the main switch down, and shot a smirk and finger pistol towards Dawn, who nodded back and took out a walkie talkie. "Power has been cut," she whispered into it. "How are things on your end?"

As the Gaffers looked around their tent in mild confusion, the camera panned to Topher watching them just outside a window. "Blackout confirmed," he whispered into a walkie talkie of his own. "Proceed with the main attraction!"

"Understood," Dawn replied before turning to B and exchanging a nod.

/

"This is most likely the others trying to scare us," Scarlett said with a sigh as she walked over to her teammates. "Although given the state of the film lot, I won't exclude the possibility of an _actual_ electrical failure."

Sammy opened her mouth, but before she could say anything an odd, scratchy moaning began around them. The camera cut back to B and Dawn, the blonde holding a megaphone and producing the moans as B rubbed a bare tree branch against the tent wall beside her.

Inside the tent, Sammy gasped. "It's the _real_ ghost!" she exclaimed, pointing up as the viewpoint shifted around to reveal a feminine form dressed in a security guard's uniform swaying in the air above them, her hat conveniently lowered over her eyes. She was obviously in a makeshift harness, and the camera followed the rope attached to her up to the rafters of the tent where DJ was shown clinging to a beam with the other end of the line in one hand and a walkie talkie in the other.

"Ghost Cop is on the prowl," he whispered. "Here comes the show!"

The scratching and moaning still going, the 'ghost' began to speak in a low and half-moaning voice of her own. "I am the ghost of Juanita Rentacop, and you shall _pay_ for disturbing this spot! Beginning with...," she said slowly, raising a finger that made all the Gaffers but Scarlett look on in fear, "_YOU_!"

She pointed straight at Beardo, who flinched and screamed. "The tarot cards were right!" he exclaimed. "There really _is_ a girl out to get me! I gotta get outta here!" Before Scarlett or their trembling teammates could say anything, the hairy boy ran screaming out of the tent.

"In that case," the 'ghost' said with a savage grin, "how about YOU!" she thrust her finger at Beth, who jumped in fear.

"I'm too _young_ to die!" Beth said before she ran out, wheeze-screaming in fear.

"Lightning thinks it's time to go," the athlete said nervously.

"Right," Sammy said. Both turned to run, but Scarlett grabbed them by their shoulders and pulled them back.

"Nobody is going _anywhere_," she hissed. "That's _clearly_ just _Jo_!" Her voice rose as she spoke, and she pointed an accusing finger at the 'ghost'.

Jo lifted her hat and revealed her stunned face. "Abort!" she hissed above her. "_Abort_!"

Up in the rafters, DJ's eyes went wide as he began to pull up. At ground level, Lightning and Sammy watched in bewilderment as the 'ghost' began to ascend, her own harried moaning still joined by what was coming from outside. Scarlett kept her gaze locked on the other girl, her unimpressed frown giving way to a smug smirk.

/

The footage skipped ahead, showing Jo and DJ panting on the ground but with the rest of their team.

"Well _that_ was a bust," Jo growled, slamming her fist into the ground. "How are we supposed to scare that girl if she keeps seeing _through_ everything?"

"She _is_ the problem, isn't she...," Topher mused.

"Scarlett is too grounded in the need for evidence to be scared by the supernatural," Dawn explained. "If she isn't certain something is a danger to her, she won't be afraid of it."

"So what," Jo said as she got back on her feet, "we need to _actually_ put them in danger in order to win the challenge?"

"We can't do that," DJ protested, "Sammy's still in there with her!"

"So?" Jo asked incredulously. "She's our _enemy_ right now. And if we can't get her, Lightning, and Scarlett outta that tent, then one of _us_ is gonna be going home."

"But I couldn't live with myself if anything happened to her!" DJ said. "She's my...," he stopped himself as he noticed the half-way expectant looks of his teammates, the words of his dream-Momma echoing in the background. "...she's my _girlfriend_," he said with a slump and a sigh. Dawn gasped, while Topher and B merely looked surprised.

"_Girlfriend_?" Jo spat. "She's on the other _team_! This is a _competition_! You can't-" she was cut off by a hand on her shoulder. She looked over to see B shaking his head, and the background music became low but dramatic as the silent genius walked over to DJ, paused, and gave the boy a thumbs up.

Ignoring the looks he was receiving from his teammates, B cracked his knuckles and walked off.

/

Back inside, Lightning and Sammy had become seated on the floor as Scarlett walked back and forth in front of them.

"And that is why ghosts and similar paranormal phenomena _do not exist_," she told them. "Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes," the two droned tiredly in response.

"If you see anything that _appears_ to be a ghost or paranormal phenomena tonight, you are seeing a hoax perpetrated by the Killers Grips," Scarlett told them. "Do you understand?"

"Yes," Lightning and Sammy droned again, not looking at each other.

"Good," Scarlett told them. "Keep that in mind, and we will win this challenge without issue."

The music spiked, and a support beam fell behind her. It landed with a loud crash, causing the startled young woman to jump forward and her glasses to go slightly askew.

"What just happened?" she asked in a panic, turning around to see the beam on the ground. Her gaze and the camera both panned up, showing a clear gap in the rafters above.

"Does _this_ count as a supernatural phenomenon?" Sammy asked fearfully before a second spike in the music signaled another support beam falling down on the table next to her, breaking it and causing her to shriek and dash towards Scarlett. It, too, left a noticeable gap in the main structure, and the camera panned up quickly enough to catch B shimmying through the rafters just out of sight.

A third support fell in the same fashion as the others, and it was Lightning's turn to jump and holler. "Lightning doesn't _like_ this!"

Two more supports fell, both missing the three contestants by wide margins, and the camera cut up to B as he wiped the sweat from his brow then climbed towards the kitchen boundary without a sound. Once there, he gave one of the rafters a hard kick, then dived down and out of sight to the room beyond.

"This place is unstable!" Scarlett shouted as the structure around them shuddered and groaned.

"I-I think it's falling!" Sammy cried out, pointing a trembling finger at one of the central support rods which was leaning towards them.

"Every man for himself!" Lightning yelled, running for the exit. Sammy, now screaming, followed shortly after.

The camera focused on Scarlett as she grit her teeth, eyes watching the craft services tent as it fell around her. Her eyes briefly flashed red as she snarled in frustration, and moments later the camera cut outside as she ran out and the dining portion of the tent collapsed behind her. The dramatic background music rose briefly for the collapse, and petered out pitifully afterwards.

She regrouped with the other members of her team, Beth and Beardo looking particularly shocked. "Hah!" came the barking laughter of Jo, the camera panning over to show her still in the security guard outfit and with the other four Grips with her. "Looks like _you five_ couldn't stay where you were." B held up a screwdriver and wiggled it, a confident smirk on his face.

Scarlett growled and stamped her foot, then stormed off. Lightning gaped briefly, then scowled and walked away as well. Sammy, Beth, and Beardo were left to look at each other uneasily.

/

The footage faded straight into the opening sequence of the Gilded Chris Awards, followed by a flash to a long-distance shot of the amphitheater as the host approached his podium. The five losing teens were shown voting, with the trio of Beardo, Beth, and Sammy in an upper row while Scarlett and Lightning sat in front.

"And now, fraidy cat Gaffers," Chris said as Sammy shot a quick smile at the pair sitting next to her and cast the final vote and the camera switched over to the host's close-up, "it's time to announce _who_ will not win a Gilded Chris this week. Who deserves to go home bitterly disappointed, tears in their eyes?" A few soft notes had already played as the smiling host motioned to his left, a pillar with several golden awards on it rising up from below the stage along with an envelope which Chris quickly snatched up.

"And! The Gilded Chrises go to...," he announced as the Gaffers were seen sitting anxiously. "Samey, Beth, Scarlett!" One by one, the three girls caught the awards that were tossed to them. "Still on the chopping block, _Lightning_ and _Beardo_!" The camera panned from one boy to the other, each one looking suddenly nervous as the background music began to rise in pitch and tension.

"Hey, why is _Lightning_ gettin' sha-votes?" the uber-jock asked angrily.

"'Cause nobody on the team really _likes_ you, brother," Beardo answered. "The real question is why am _I_ gettin' voted for?"

"'Cause _you_ were the first to chicken outta the challenge!" Lightning told him. "Plus, you've been annoyin' Lightning all _day_."

"Pfft, _figures_," Beardo muttered.

"And, the final Gilded Chris _goes_ to," Chris announced as the music began to peak and the two boys were shown in a split-screen, the beatboxer looking more confident than the athlete, "_Lightning_."

The music took a sudden, loud twist as everyone excepted Scarlett gasped, and the brainiac smirked very slightly.

Beardo imitated the sound of a record being rewound as he stood up. "You care to _repeat_ that?"

"Sorry dude," Chris said with an unapologetic smile, "but you're out."

"But...but _how_? _Why_?" Beth stammered.

"Yeah, the three of us were gonna vote for _Lightning_ together!" Sammy said.

"Sorry, ladies," Chris shrugged, "but our voting machines just don't lie! Only _two_ people voted for Lightning, the other three voted for Beardo."

Beardo gaped and looked over at Sammy. "It was you! It _had_ to have been! I know Beth would _never_ vote for me!"

"Sammy, how _could_ you?" Beth asked in astonishment. "I thought we were friends! Heck, _you_ were the one who wanted to get rid of Lightning since he's been a jerk to you the most!"

"I-I _swear_, it wasn't me!" Sammy said, waving her hands in front of her defensively.

"_Actually_, Samey," Chris interrupted, gaining the attention of all five of the teens, "it turns out we have a little footage showing _just_ who you voted for." He motioned towards the camera, which cut to static.

xxx

The earlier clip of the Gaffers voting was replayed without the sound. Just as Sammy smiled at Beth and Beardo the viewpoint rotated to an over-the-shoulder camera which showed the screen of Sammy's voting device. As usual, pictures of the five were scrolling across the screen alongside checkboxes, and Sammy's finger was shown hovering over a picture of Lightning.

However, her screen seemed to go blank for a second just as her finger pressed down on where the uber-jock's checkbox had just been. When its picture came back, the footage paused to show that she had, in fact, voted for Beardo instead.

xxx

"Oh...oh my gosh, I am _so_ sorry," Sammy said, leaning towards Beardo. "You _have_ to believe me, it was an accident!"

Beardo looked down at her and frowned. "Whatever," he said with a hint of bitterness. "It wouldn't surprise me if _you_ were the one that fortune was warnin' me about." Sammy hung her head sadly, and the hairy young man turned a softer gaze towards the other girl. "You stay strong, Beth," he told her, "I know you got what it takes to go all the way to the top. Make me and the boyfriend of yours proud."

Beth sniffed and wiped away a tear. "I will!" she said, giving her friend one last hug before Beardo turned and walked down the bleachers towards the Walk of Shame, making a sort of hip-hop funeral dirge as he went.

/

The background music became reverent as Beardo stepped into the waiting limo with a sad wave. Chris walked up to it just as the door slammed shut and it drove off, leaving the host standing at the end of the red carpet with a vague smile on his face.

"Well folks," he told the camera, "looks like the Gaffers have just lost their coolest member. Or most _annoying_, depending on who you ask," he added after tapping his chin in thought for a bit. He shrugged, then continued. "Hopefully they'll be more _careful_ about who they vote for in the future. More _importantly_," he said, continuing in a sing-song voice as his grin broadened and a school bus pulled up, "guess who's back!"

As the camera zoomed in on the bottom of the opening door, a few deep notes signaled a change in the background music to the more dramatic score used for ending scenes. A pair of black shoes and olive pants stepped into view and off the bus, the music become tenser and eerier as the camera slowly panned up. A white apron, a muscular black-skinned frame in a pale yellow-green shirt, the extra-large neck and the deep scowl on that familiar face.

"Welcome back, Chef!" Chris said joyfully as the shot pulled back out, the hulking cook stepped onto the red carpet, and the bus sped off. "It's great to _finally_ have you back, you have _no idea_ how much it sucked not having you around. I hope the producers weren't too _hard_ on you?"

Chef looked at the host and snorted. "Well, they sure made _me_ learn my lesson," he said, his voice and expression growing dark and vicious. "But, uh, I don't think I'm gonna make the same _mistake_ again." A few dark notes played as he cackled slowly and cracked his fists.

"Good to hear it," Chris told him in a smooth tone. "You should probably know that the kids did a _number_ on the craft services tent while you were out. You, uh, _might_ wanna get started fixing it."

Chef's eyes widened. "Not my _kitchen_!" he growled before sprinting off down the red carpet, leaving a grinning Chris alone.

"Ahh, I really _missed_ the big lug," the host said, shaking his head and walking back up the red carpet at a leisurely pace. "How will the remaining cast mates deal with Chef's return? _I_ get to find out soon, but _you'll_ have to wait for the next Total," the shot pulled back as the host paused about halfway up the carpet. "Drama," another pull-back showed Chef charging towards the bleachers where the four Gaffers still sat. "_Action_!" He began to laugh as the camera pulled back just a little bit more.

"WHAT HAVE I SAID ABOUT MESSIN' WITH MY KITCHEN?!" Chef yelled as Beth, Sammy, Lightning, and Scarlett scattered, all screaming to the best of their ability, Beth's wheezing included.

(Fade to Credits)

/

/

/

**[Bonus Clip]**

Beardo was beatboxing as the scene faded into him in the limo's back seat. An deep, angry, and unintelligible scream from outside cut him off, and he looked out his rolled-up window with a brief look of confusion.

"Huh, wonder what that was about," he said after turning back to the camera. "Whatever, I guess it doesn't change the fact that I got the _boot_ again, and to someone I thought I could count on, just like last time."

He sighed, and beatboxed again for a few seconds. "Although, it _did_ kinda look like an accident. Plus, Sammy never really got _along_ that well with Lightning, so I don't think she'd work with him an' Scarlett to get rid of me. Maybe I was bein' too hard on her?" He slumped back in his seat and crossed his arms, making a sound of a ticking clock as his eyes wandered. After a moment he began to ring like an alarm bell, and hit the top of his head to 'stop' himself.

"You know what? Even if it _was_ a mistake, I still got a right to be _mad_ at her. I mean, she cost me a million _bucks_!" He leaned back in his seat and put his hand behind his head. "Will I forgive her?" he asked the camera. "Maybe. Depends on how sorry she _really_ is. Until then, nothin' for me to do but sit back and enjoy the show."

He began to beatbox again, and the scene faded out.

* * *

**Author's Note - Post Script  
**

Well, there you have it! Sorry Beardo, but as a few people realized, you didn't have much going for you in terms of plot. I did consider maybe trying to ship him with B a bit, and while that could have been interesting on its own there's already a lot going on, I think, and another ship wouldn't ultimately be what I wanted for this fic right now. He wasn't doing much otherwise, so he was a good choice to go home here.

Oh, and Chef is finally back! I knew I wanted him to come back around the time that DJ left in canon, but I wasn't sure if I wanted it to be during this episode or the next. But since I ended up needing something to fill the last scene after Beardo's departure, I figured why not bring Chef back? Hopefully it was the right choice.

As for the challenge, I was a tad uncertain going in who was gonna end up in the tent for the night. Both teams had someone obvious that would see through the ghosts (Dawn would have played that role for the Grips), so it ultimately came down to how I wanted the first challenge to play out. Specifically, once I decided it would be Dawn/DJ and Scarlett/Lightning for the tiebreaker round, it was obvious what I would have to do.

And then we have B cutting the knot, as it were. Chris did say it was up to them how to scare the Gaffers, after all. Plus, DJ finally owned up to his team that he's been dating Sammy! This episode had lots of threads to be developed further down the line, I think. I hope you're all looking forward to what I have to show you in the coming weeks and months!

Last thing I wanna say is that Total Drama Rebirth should be updating in a few hours. If you haven't checked out my other story yet, feel free to do so! And if you're already a fan, then rejoice!

Until next time!

\- Fangren

* * *

**Appendix: TSA Eliminated Contestants**

Geoff - (Tied for 14th Place)

Bridgette - (Tied for 14th Place)

Shawn - (13th Place)

Alejandro - (12th Place)

Sierra - (11th Place)

Beardo - (10th Place)


	10. Chapter 10 - Masters of Disasters

**Author's Note**

Hello again! I won't lie, I haven't quite finished the next chapter yet. A lot of it is because even now I'm not 100% on who is going to end up eliminated; I have a good idea who but there's still a chance I'll change my mind since the award ceremony is still unwritten. It's basically between two different people, one whom I originally had slated to be eliminated next, and the one who I began leaning towards after I realized a few things I'd have to do down the line. Both choices are about equal in terms of advantages and disadvantages with respect to the plot down the line though...even once the decision has been made, I don't think I'll be certain it's the correct one.

But that, as always, is for tomorrow's writing session, and next week's viewing pleasure. Right now, I have reviews to address.

**The Beautiful Kayla Storm:** Well, sorry that I upset you. But hey, at least something you liked came of the episode.

**FOWLKON:** Ohoho, I can already tell I'm gonna have to refuse to answer that question a bunch of times this week.

**acosta perez jose ramiro:** Yeah, that's what I was thinking with the challenge. Scarlett's the type of person who sees through certain things easily, so you need to be more direct if you want to scare her.

**Cole D. soul:** I'm glad you thought it was interesting! And I'm glad you've liked my portrayal of Beardo as a pretty cool guy, I'm happy to have done so well with someone who was elimination fodder in canon. Oh, and Full Metal Drama is next week, today we have some disaster-themed challenges.

**80jj:** Yeah, I hate to see most characters go, but nearly all have to be eliminated at some point. And I think you misunderstood me, I'm not really intending on adding any new ships to the current story right now. In World Tour? Yeah, probably, but not in Action.

**Ali6132:** Hmm...well, you're certainly right about Scarlett. As for her and Max...well, I won't spoil the future contestants, but I will say that I'm currently entertaining the idea of some sort of crossover after the Shuffled series is complete where my version of everyone will somehow get to meet their canon counterparts. I think ti would be pretty amusing.

**JinxQueen:** Hurray for unexpected foreshadowing, I guess? And thanks for the compliment! As much fun as Lindsay taking charge of her team was in canon, I've liked having Scarlett being the boss of her team.

**Ddynamo:** I've really enjoyed exploring Scarlett's character so far, and seeing how far I can take her without going full-blown Scarlett Fever. I don't agree that her canon outburst was due solely to Max; I think she was always secretly just a little bit like that, but only dropped her facade because Max just kept annoying and belittling her. As for what will happen in today's episode...well, you'll just have to wait and find out.

**StayOuttaMyShed:** Well, a few reviewers expressed their sadness that Beardo was eliminated, but you're right in that several more either saw it coming or weren't too concerned about it. As you said, Beardo didn't have much going for him, so he was an easy pick to go.

**I. M. Poik:** Hah, I figured you'd be excited for Chef's return. Interesting predictions as always, and i will make sure to try giving the Aftermaths some more plot.

**Identification:** I'm glad people are happy about Chef's return. Although I don't think he would have changed the challenge that much, unless he got really dressed up - Scarlett could very well have expected him to show up, after all.

**Zak Saturday:** Thanks for the review! It's always good to see that readers like the plot I've been putting together.

**Knifez:** Well, this is _Chris_ we're talking about, the man who takes glee in putting them in non-lethal danger every episode. Plus, he did tell the Grips they could scare the Gaffers however they wanted. I did consider including a scene where that was mentioned, but didn't go through with it since the episode was already getting long enough. That scream Beardo heard was meant to be Chef, by the way. And yeah, I'll be doing my best to ramp up the plots for the other characters from here on out.

**spader13:** Interesting analysis! Not much I can really comment on, but thanks for the review nonetheless.

**OMAC001:** Well, you'll just have to wait and see!

**Star Saber21:** Thank you! Not much else to say, but I'm glad you liked it so much.

**bruno14:** Thanks as always! It's good to know I inspire such lengthy reviews from you.

**Proxxy The First:** I can't really answer your question, but I'm happy you thought my idea for the Gaffers' loss was clever. Thanks for the review!

Last but not least, the list of remaining contestants:

Screaming Gaffers \- Scarlett, Lightning, Beth, Sammy

Killer Grips \- Jo, DJ, Dawn, B, Topher

We're finally in the double-digits, so get ready because things are gonna start being shaken up!

\- Fangren

* * *

**Episode 10 – Masters of Disasters**

"Last time, on Total Drama Action!" The recap began with short clips of Beth throwing a few egg salad sandwiches into the air and catching them with her mouth, Sammy and DJ kissing in the kitchen, and Chris lying 'impaled' on a movie camera.

"The teams had their most _terrifying_ experience yet in our Horror Movie Challenge!" Clips were shown of the host falling, DJ fainting off the couch, and a chainsaw swiping down across the screen and splattering it with 'blood'. "While the Grips chose their most _intimidating_ member for the Scream-Off**,"** Chris was shown pointing at the meter above him, and Jo was shown bursting in on B in the toilet causing the normally-silent boy to scream loudly, "the Gaffers were stuck with _Beth_." Two clips were shown with full sound, the first being Sammy pointing out that Beth was unable to scream and thus had to do the scaring, while the second demonstrated the wannabe's handicap when she was unable to scream later that night. "Needless to say," the host said dryly over footage of Beth failing to scare both Sammy and the combination of Scarlett and Lightning, "she failed _big time_."

"After that, the Gaffers had to sit it out the rest of the night in the dining hall thinking it was haunted," Chris was shown telling the seated teens his fake ghost story, "while the Grips tried to scare them away. But despite Jo and Topher's best efforts," both the dripping pillow ghost and Jo herself in a guard uniform were shown dangling in front of the Gaffers, and Beardo and Beth were shown fleeing in fear, "Scarlett _just_ wasn't budging." The brainiac was shown uncovering both of the ghosts with an unimpressed look on her face. "It wasn't until DJ admitted to dating a member of the opposing team that B finally got to work," the gentle giant's confession scene was shown briefly, "and boy, did he _really_ get to work." Support beams were shown falling around the three remaining Gaffers one by one, forcing them to flee the tent just before it collapsed.

"Because of an alleged, uh, _technical difficulty_, it was _Beardo_ who was sent home." The over-the-shoulder view of Sammy's vote was shown again, followed by the beatboxer exchanging a sad hug with Beth and taking the Walk of Shame.

"Oh yeah, and _Chef's_ finally back!" the host added excitedly, a clip of the hulking cook stepping onto the red carpet marking the end of the recap footage. The scene flashed to the smiling host walking through the lot, eventually reaching the cast trailers. "How will the cast handle the sudden end to DJ's cooking? How _mad_ is Chef gonna be at just about everybody? Discover all that, and more, in another thrilling, and filling, episode of Total! Drama! _Action_!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be...famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be...famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

The episode opened with a shot of the blue and partly-cloudy sky before quickly panning down to the rebuilt craft services tent, now with a few patches in its roof. The scene zoomed in and cut inside, showing a close-up of a bowl of roach-infested gruel. A few deep drum beats played as Lightning took a trembling scoop of the food, pausing with wide eyes as Scarlett took a bite of her own.

She immediately gagged and spat the food back out. "This is _disgusting_," she said with a shudder. "I don't think I'm mistaken in saying that Chef Hatchet has _deliberately_ reduced the quality of his cooking."

On the other side of the table, Sammy and Beth nodded. "What I wouldn't give for some of _Brady's_ cooking...," Beth said with a mournful sigh.

"Or DJ's...," Sammy added with a more wistful sigh, turning around to send a smile and wave towards the gentle giant.

The camera panned over past the Grips' table to the meal counter, where DJ and B were waiting with trays in their hands. DJ returned his girlfriend's smile and wave, then turned his attention back to the counter.

"Yo Chef, are you gonna serve us or what?" he asked, immediately regretting it when the hulking man walked over to him with a glare on his face. Without saying a thing, Chef reared back his head and spat on the brickhouse's tray.

"Enjoy your meal," he said darkly. DJ cringed and walked away, and Chef turned his attention to the trembling B. "And what about _you_, Mr. Dining-Hall-Wrecker?" he asked menacingly. "You want some too?" His eyes wide, B shook his head and dashed away. The camera lingered on Chef as he snorted and walked back into the kitchen.

Another few drum beats played as the shot panned back to DJ and B as they walked over to their team's table, trays empty. "Dang, dude, looks like we're still outta luck in the food department," DJ told his teammate, who nodded as they sat down opposite Jo and Dawn.

"Why don't you just ask your _girlfriend_ to share her food?" Jo spat. "In fact, why don't you just go join the Gaffers, since you're already _dating_ one of them."

"Hey, just because we're goin' out doesn't mean I'm gonna turn my back on you guys," DJ told her in mild annoyance. "You get me, right Dawn?" He looked at his petite friend, who met his gaze for a brief moment before looking away sadly.

xxx

"I...don't know why I'm acting like this," Dawn confessed in the make-up trailer. "I mean, how much DJ and Sammy like each other have been all _over_ their auras for awhile now." She sighed sadly. "I guess I just expected them to actually _tell_ me about it, and not act like it was some big secret." She hung her head in her hands and groaned lightly. "Why can't I just be _happy_ for them?"

xxx

"Uhh, Dawn?" DJ asked with a mix of confusion and concern. "You feelin' alright?"

"Hmm?" the blonde perked up. "Oh yes, I'm, umm, fine. Oh, and I _don't_ believe that you'd ever betray your teammates, DJ. Even though you _did_ keep something from us."

DJ sighed. "I really _am_ sorry about not tellin' you sooner," he told the blonde. "We just...weren't sure how everyone would take it."

"Yeah," Jo snorted, "because you knew we'd see you as a liability. How are we supposed to trust you in challenges where you have to go up against your little _girlfriend_?"

"Uhh, I'm pretty sure we've been on opposite teams for like the _whole game_ without it bein' an issue," DJ said with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, but you haven't competed against her _directly_," Topher said in the seat next to B. "If a challenge comes up where you two have to go head to head, how do we know you won't take a dive?"

"Why would I take a dive?" the brickhouse asked. "You guys _gotta_ know me better than that. Unless it involves havin' to _hurt_ her, I'll be fine. You guys should stop blowin' things outta proportion."

Jo pursed her lips. "Well, _you_ should watch your back. Don't give the rest of us any reason to think you're going soft on the Gaffers, or you're going home next chance we get."

"Like I said," DJ told her, "it ain't gonna happen!"

The viewpoint shifted to show Jo rolling her eyes before the camera panned slightly to the left to get a better shot of the Gaffers on the table behind her.

"Hmmph, dude's actin' like he's sha-_happy_ about datin' the loser twin," Lightning said. "But anybody can see that Lightning's girlfriend is _way_ better!"

"Hey, don't say that!" Beth said in protest while the twin in question hung her head. "Sammy's _way_ better than her mean sister!"

Sammy looked up at her teammate and smiled. "Thanks," she said, "but you don't need to defend me. I don't really care what Lightning thinks of me _or_ DJ."

"That doesn't mean you should have to put up with him," Beth said with a frown. "With Beardo gone, us girls have to stick together, no matter _what_ they say about our boyfriends!"

"When are you gonna give that up?" Topher asked from across the room. "Nobody believes in your made-up boyfriend!"

"Yeah, well, nobody believes in _your_ made-up...umm..._face_!" Beth countered with a slightly awkward pause as she thought.

"You really mean that?" Sammy asked her. "About us sticking together, I mean. I _was_ kinda the reason Beardo isn't here right now."

"Totally!" Beth said with a smile. "Us girls are gonna stick together!"

"Just so you know," Scarlett spoke up without taking her eyes off her bowl of gruel, "I have no interest in sticking with _anybody_ based on a shared gender identity."

Sammy and Beth shared a quick look. "Well, that's okay too, I guess," the nice twin told the brainiac.

"Howdy folks!" Chris said as he walked into the tent with his usual smile. "Hope you enjoyed your lunch while you could," he told them with a laugh.

"And exactly what sort of excruciating experience is on _today's_ agenda?" Scarlett asked with a deadpan expression.

"Oh, nothing," the host answered with a mocking shrug, "just that your day will be a total _disaster_. Get it?" he asked the room. "It's a disaster movie theme! Y'know? Like in _disaster_ flicks?"

A dangerous and hectic tune began as the scene flashed to Chef Hatchet running against a featureless white background. "People running for their lives from volcanoes," a magma-oozing volcano dropped down onto the scenery just barely missing Chef, "earthquakes, asteroids," a fissure formed in the ground just past the volcano, expanding towards the running man before a small asteroid just missed striking him, "tidal waves," Chef ran headlong into a large wave which crashed over him and washed him away.

The scene flashed back to a close-up of Beth and Sammy gaping in their seats, followed by a similar shot of DJ, B, and Topher. "The more disastrous, the better."

xxx

"Hasn't my poor hair been through enough already?" Topher fretted, checking his coif with a hand mirror. "Not that I doubt Chris' genius or anything, but it's hard to look good on TV when you keep having to do these kind of _challenges_. Some of us have future _careers_ to look forward to!"

xxx

The footage cut back to Chris standing in front of some sort of machine console as a few deep and ominous notes were struck in the background. "Your first challenge is," he said, pausing to motion to his right, "the Earthquake of _Inevitable Pain_!" The camera moved left and out, revealing the giant playing field that had been set up outside. It consisted of a platform resting at an angle on scaffolding and several pistons with a ladder set up at the high end. On top of it were a series of obstacles arranged in two identical rows: tires, traffic cones, monkey bars over a pool of water, a large metal tube, a balance beam over a pit, and a wooden wall to the far left near the top.

"Each team has to run the course," the host explained as the camera panned across the stunned faces of the cast, "challenging your _dexterity_," a close-up of the tires was shown, "_maneuverability_," a shot of the cones was added in a horizontal split-screen, "and _other_ mad monkey skills," he finished as the monkey bars were added to the split screen.

A flash took the scene to Chef standing on top of the ladder at the end of the course. He picked a brick up out of a sack by his side and tossed it around with a vicious grin on his face, and the camera cut back to the host. "First team to the top wins! Best out of _two_ earns today's reward."

The camera focused on the relatively unamused faces of the Screaming Gaffers. "Ooh!" Beth said with a sudden smile. "I just remembered, Brady had a summer job cleaning up after earthquakes and landslides!"

"Did he tell you how to make it through an earthquake-themed obstacle course?" Scarlett asked dryly.

"Err, not _really_...," Beth said with a thoughtful frown.

"_Enough_ with the chitty-chat," Chris interrupted with a brief frown of his own. "Take your marks!"

/

Both teams were shown assembled along the bottom edge of the platform. "This is gonna be _easy_," Jo boasted as she performed a few warm-up stretches.

"I can't wait to swing on the monkey bars!" Beth declared happily while Lightning limbered up.

"Aaaaaannnnd," Chris said as a few deep notes heralded the beginning of fast-paced challenge music, "Action!"

He sounded a small air horn, and the shot cut to the four Gaffers as they ran up the platform and immediately into the tires – Lightning in the lead, then Beth, Sammy, and Scarlett at the end. Panning over to the Grips, Jo and DJ were out first, followed by Topher, Dawn, and B.

"Is this all you got?" Lightning said cockily after a close-up of him easily stepping through the tires.

"Are you READY to ROCK?!" Chris exclaimed with an excited cackle before pulling one of the levers on his machine console. The pistons immediately began to extend and contract, shaking the platform and causing Lightning and Beth to stumble and fall into one another.

"Why did you say that?" Beth exclaimed, the two now lying on top of one of the tires.

Jo and DJ had gotten to the beginning of the cones, but lost their balance too and DJ had to yank one of the cones off his head. Topher and Dawn jumped up onto the Grips' monkey bars, and the scene cut over to Chef on the ladder.

"Perfect time to get rid of some old _junk_," he said with a vicious grin and a dark cackle, reaching into his sack and taking out a football. He tossed it from hand to hand, then reared back and threw it at the girls on the monkey bars. It hit Topher in the face with enough force to knock him back into Dawn and both off the obstacle.

"Why is it always the _face_?" the pretty boy cried out as he fell out of sight.

Chef was shown casually throwing out several objects from his bag without looking – a kitchen sink, a bowling ball, a hammer, a rotary telephone, each with appropriate sound effects when they inevitably hit something. He paused when he took out a tiny rubber ducky, squeezing it a few times and smiling at it's squeak before looking at the camera sheepishly.

"_Seriously_?" Jo said indignantly after the duck hit her on the nose.

The camera briefly cut back to Chris as he smirked and pulled the lever again, putting an end to the shaking. Beth, Scarlett, and Sammy were shown regaining their balance at the start of the monkey bars, and the wannabe groaned in relief. "Uggh! Finally, a break!"

"AFTERSHOCK!" Chris exclaimed with a happy laugh, pulling the lever again. The platform resumed shaking, causing B to fall forwards into the pool of water, and Topher to stumble to his knees behind him.

The pretty boy threw up, and looked at the puddle of vomit with a disgusted grimace. "That lunch was even worse coming back _up_."

"Oh yeah," Chris said with a sly look, "that reminds me. It's _lava_ time!" he announced dramatically, slamming his fist down on a button that caused more shaking and some ominous mechanical whirs that made Sammy and Beth look around nervously.

A pair of slots opened up just past the walls at the top of the course, and a steaming red liquid poured out of them. Chef bent down and touched the liquid with his fingers, taking a quick taste. "Tomato soup?" he said with a surprised look below, where the soup was being siphoned out of a large metal drum with a tomato on the side. "That was supposed to be for supper."

With the soup already closing in on the monkey bars, Topher and B were forced to quickly jump back up to them, while nearby Dawn quickly scrabbled on top of the metal tube. Beth and Sammy were also shown clinging to the top of the bars for safety.

"Pheeewww, wee!" Chris exclaimed as the camera cut back to him fanning himself with one hand. "is it getting _hot_ in here? How 'bout a cool, refreshing, _hailstorm_!" The shot pulled back to show him standing on the seat of a cart-mounted gun platform which was attached to a golf cart being driven by Chef, who honked the horn with a dark grin. "Golf ball-sized hail is _bad_," the host said matter-of-factly as he sat down and grabbed the handles of the gun, "but, hail-sized golf balls are even _worse_!" He laughed and opened fire, a clear canister on the top of the large weapon feeding golf balls into it. Beth and Sammy, back on the ground, tried to shield themselves with their hands as they dashed towards the metal tube, but it sheer number of balls hitting them knocked the girls into it first.

"Haha, got _two_ of 'em!" Chris cheered happily.

"Try to get the chubby one and the crybaby next," Chef told him with a smile. The host continued to fire with a vicious grin on his face, and cries of pain from nearly every castmates were heard off-screen.

Topher dropped down from the monkey bars, and immediately covered his head with his arms. "Not the face, or the hair," he said, "anything but the face and the hair!" Several golf balls strucks in in the back, the arms, and the hands, and Chris continued to shoot.

xxx

The pretty boy looked at his bruise-covered hands and cringed. "This was worth it...right? I mean, it hurts _now_, but I'm pretty sure this'll heal. And besides, what host needs perfect hands when they could have a perfect _face_?" He brought a hand up to his chin as he posed for the camera, but quickly winced in pain.

xxx

The host shot off a few more golf balls, then held up a button on a cord. "_After_-aftershocks!" he exclaimed as he pressed it, starting up the shaking once again. Jo was shown falling off the balance beam while DJ lost his own footing and slipped backwards into the metal tunnel. The camera panned back to the tube's beginning, where Dawn was standing with Topher and B. To their shock, the platform began to crack and split perilously close to them.

"Friends," Dawn said, "we _must_ hurry!" She ducked into the tunnel but was forced out moments later when a screaming DJ tumbled back through it, knocking into the small young woman and sending both over the edge of the crack in the platform. B managed to dive and grab onto DJ's flailing arm, and the camera panned down to show that Dawn had managed to cling onto her friend's legs.

"Heheh, you really gotta hand it to Chris," Topher chuckled nervously, "he really went all-out with these disasters!"

"Dude, pull us up, _pull us up_!" DJ cried in an angry panic as B struggled to heave his teammates out of the crevice.

"R-right," Topher stuttered, bending down to grab the brickhouse's other arm.

The scene cut to the Gaffers as Lightning made his way across the balance beam, with Scarlett and Beth coming out of the tube and following him. Chris fired another volley of golf balls which knocked the two girls slightly off their balance, and the camera moved back to the Gaffers still at the entrance to the tunnel and also coming under heavy fire.

"We gotta keep movin'!" DJ shouted, motioning for Dawn and Topher to head into the tunnel while he and B sheltered them. Once their teammates were in relative safety, the two young men began to back up. The silent one took a step in front of DJ, and made the motion to get inside the tunnel. "You sure about this dude?" the gentle giant asked, getting a vigorous nod from B and a repeated motion to get inside the tunnel.

DJ nodded and complied, leaving B alone to shield the entrance with his girth. He shot an annoyed glare at the host, who laughed. "I _love_ this _game_!" Chris shouted gleefully, pulling the trigger but getting nothing but clicks – he was out of ammunition. The shot cut back to B, who raised an eyebrow, then shrugged and jumped into the tube.

"Chef," Chris said in annoyance, "do something!" A few beeps from the golf cart signaled the hulking man's compliance as he rapidly reversed all the way to the ladder, crashing the gun platform and Chris along with it before quickly climbing up.

He resumed throwing objects at the castmates, starting with a flower pot that knocked Beth off the balance beam just as Jo and Lightning made it to the finish line and Scarlett made it to the top of her team's wall.

"Hurry up, you're almost there!" Jo called to the rest of the Grips as DJ gave Dawn a boost over the wall, Topher climbed down the other side, and B emerged from the tunnel and narrowly dodged a blender. The silent boy rushed across the balance beam to the smiling brickhouse on the other side.

"C'mon, man, I'll give you a lift," DJ told him, kneeling down and holding out his hands as a foothold. B nodded and gave him a thumbs up, accepting the boost up as bricks and pliers and even a cat in a football uniform were thrown at them.

Chef viciously tossed what appeared to be some sort of bomb, though the lack of an explosion when it landed off-screen suggested it was a dud at best. Regardless, the man smiled when he pulled out the next object: a very large hardcover book. "Ahh, my unpublished manifesto," he said happily.

The dramatically fast-paced challenge music faded into something more deep, tense, and threateningly monotonous as B was shown hauling himself up to the top of the wall and swinging his right leg over while DJ quickly jumped up and grabbed the edge next to him.

"I've lived a lotta years!" Chef declared before tossing his tremendous manifesto with two hands. The music sped back up as DJ and B were shown spotting the heavy book flying at them with a gasp each.

The shot closed in on the manifesto, and the footage slowed down as it slammed into B's right shoulder, knocking him clear off the wall and onto his back across the balance beam.

"Dude!" DJ exclaimed in shock, immediately dropping down and running over to his groaning teammate. "B, are you alright?" The large boy uttered a pained moan, clutching his shoulder and gritting his teeth.

"My editor was right!" Chef told the camera on him proudly. "My life really is _dangerous_."

B began to sit up and extend his left arm to DJ, but then winced in pain and flopped back down with a moan.

xxx

Jo started her confessional with her face in her hand. "Jeez, did B _seriously_ just break his shoulder?" she asked, lowering her hand and showing her disbelief. "How the heck is he gonna compete like _that_? The guy uses both arms for, like, everything!"

xxx

"I can't believe B just broke his shoulder!" DJ told the confessional camera. "And here _I_ am, the dude who gave him the boost up in the first place, walkin' around perfectly healthy!" He sighed and looked down. "How am I gonna live with myself knowin' he's suffered a serious injury 'cause of me?"

xxx

As B continued to groan in pain on the balance beam, one of the camera men was shown approaching him for a close-up.

"Hey!" Beth exclaimed angrily as the shot cut back to the Gaffers, Chef, and Chris, the host now on the ladder and framing a shot with his hands. "Aren't you gonna send someone to _help_ him?"

"Yeah yeah," the host said dismissively as another cameraman walked by in front of him, "as soon as we're done getting every shot. The _good_ news is, it looks like B won the challenge for the Killer Grips!" He motioned over to Jo, Topher, and Dawn as they gave a few celebratory cheers, joined in another shot by a smile from DJ and even a thumbs up from B.

"Aww, what?" Lightning exclaimed. "You gotta be _kiddin_' me!"

"Agreed," Scarlett added sternly. "_We_ managed to achieve the goal of getting the entire team across the finish line first!"

"Serious injury trumps all," Chris told them with an impish shrug.

"Dude, you're just sha-makin' this up as you _go_," Lightning said in frustration.

The host gave his a smug look, then smiled at the camera. "I _love_ my job!"

/

A close-up of a flashing red siren took over the scene, and B was wheeled into an ambulance on a stretcher. "The wounded B," Chris said dramatically as the ambulance doors shut and it drove off, leaving the four Grips to watch with varying levels of concern. "_What_ will become of him?" The shot zoomed out, showing the Gaffers standing nearby as well, Sammy and Beth also looking worried. "Stay tuned to find out!" Chris said, popping up in the foreground with a grin on his face, earning a glare from most of the remaining castmates.

(Fade to Commercial and Back)

The deep and dramatic music continued as soon as the footage cut back to a shot of a water tower, the camera slowing panning down to the film lot's waterfront area. A submarine had been suspended from the arm of a crane, which ran along the top of the screen and was supported on the right by a structure built adjacent to a dock where the cast and host stood. Two sections of the submarine's outer wall had been made transparent, allowing full view of a pair of rooms within; there appeared to be hatches on the top and bottom leading into and out of each compartment. In the water below the submarine were two inflated rafts, roughly aligned with the 'windows'.

"Is B gonna be okay?" DJ asked with concern as the camera focused on him.

"Oh, B's _fine_," Chris reassured the group. "A few broken bones but he's been put in a splint now. Shouldn't take more than six to eight weeks to heal!"

"Oh _no_," Beth said, "it's _that bad_?!"

"I mean," the host quickly corrected, "he's doing fine!" None of the cast looked like they believed him.

xxx

"That's what release forms are for," Chris whined in the confessional trailer, holding up one of the forms. "Correctamundo?" he asked the camera.

xxx

"Alright!" the host said as the camera began to zoom out. "_Now_ it's time for the second disaster-themed challenge." The two teams were shown to have boarded the life rafts, the grips on the left and the Gaffers on the right. "Who's _excited_?"

Neither the Grips nor the Gaffers gave him any response other than an annoyed glare, and cricket chirps were heard as the camera panned from one to the other.

"Because of B's win," Chris continued with a smile, "the _Grips_ have the advantage of getting this handy-dandy piece of paper for the second disaster challenge." He took a seemingly blank piece of paper out from behind his back, rapidly folded it into a paper airplane, and threw it over to the team who'd won it. The camera followed it as it flew through the air, passed over the heads of the four Gaffers, made a loop-the-loop, and eventually got snatched out of the air by an unamused Jo.

The jock-ette unfolded it, showing a small string of roman numerals, and quickly furrowed her brow. "What? Hey, it's just a bunch of numbers! How's _this_ supposed to help us?"

"Perhaps it's some sort of...code?" Dawn suggested after a bit of thought.

"Okay, time to get inside!" Chris announced.

"Do we have to?" Beth asked with a hesitant look towards the submarine. "It doesn't exactly look _comfortable_."

"Would you do it for a million bucks?" the host asked with a sly look.

The bespectacled girl exchanged a shrug with Sammy. "Well, I guess I've already come _this_ far."

/

The footage flashed forward, showing each team in one of the submarine's two visible compartments. "Anyone else getting a bad feeling about this?" Sammy asked her team as her eyes darted around the room. The sound of sonar pinging in the background was quickly joined by the wailing of a klaxon as lights around the submarine began to flash red. Various shot of hatch wheels, pipes, each team's feet, and the startled faces of DJ, Scarlett, and Sammy were shown.

"What's going on _now_?" Jo demanded with a hint of panic in her voice.

"I don't know," Dawn answered nervously, "it's too dark to see! This isn't good..."

"For this challenge," Chris announced over intercoms in each room, "_you've_ gotta get out before it's too late."

"Too late for _what_?" Lightning asked as the footage changed to a monitor feed of the Gaffers, the camera pulling back a few other monitors next to it showing close-ups of Topher, Jo, and DJ. Chef was sitting in front of them inches away from the camera, looking back at the monitoring console out of the corner of his eyes.

"Oh, you'll find out," Chris told them with a laugh as Chef nodded.

The viewpoint shifted to show the host and his assistant sitting at a table playing cards in the control room. "Pick up two," Chef said, placing a card on the table himself as the handsome host drew another pair.

"You mind cranking that lever?" Chris asked, and his hulking associate quickly complied.

As soon as the lever was pulled water began to flow heavily through a network of pipes, causing them to drip at various joints. More ominously, water started pouring into the submarine's compartments via a grate in the floor. It quickly began to pool around Scarlett's feet, and she looked down with shock and unease.

"This isn't good," she said plainly.

"I wish _Brady_ were here," Beth said. "He's a registered lifeguard!"

"I sincerely doubt he'd be of any help," Scarlett said bluntly as she began trying to look around the poorly-lit room, "since if we _do_ start to drown it'll mean we're _trapped in here_."

/

"This is just _great_," Jo grunted as she tried to turn a hatch wheel on the wall to no avail. "Stuck here in the _dark_, water rapidly filling _up_ the place, and our techie's stuck in the infirmary!"

"And this water is _freezing_!" DJ squealed, looking antsy in the foreground. "How the heck are we supposed to get outta here?"

"Hey hey, no worries!" Topher said, the camera panning over to him walking casually through the water. "Chris isn't just gonna let us _die_ here, we're too important!" He noticed a cardboard box sitting on a nearby table, and opened it up with a grin. "See, _just_ the tools we need!" he said, taking several flashlights out of the box and turning them on.

"How'd you find those so quickly?" Jo asked as she caught the light that was tossed to her.

Topher shrugged and started searching around with his light. "What can I say? I just have good night vision. Not something I'll probably need once I'm hosting my own show, but I'm not complaining!"

"Having good night vision makes sense, considering how much time you've-" Dawn began to say before Topher quickly dashed over with a panicked look on his face and covered her mouth.

"That's, uh, that's _really_ not important right now," the pretty boy said. "Or, uh, ever. _Hey_!" he said with a sudden forced smile, directing his light beam to a hatch in the middle of the room. "Maybe _that's_ the way out?"

"I think there's an exit up _there_, too!" DJ added, shining his light on the ceiling hatch above them.

/

"There must be _some_ means of exit in here," Scarlett said as she and Sammy blindly looked around the room, while Beth and Lightning attempted to open two of the wall hatches without success.

"C'mon...," Lightning muttered as he tried to force his hatch wheel to turn. He gave another grunt of exertion and slipped, falling forward into the Gaffers' cardboard box. "Sha-Lightning!" he exclaimed in delight, holding up the flashlights he'd accidentally discovered. "Okay girls, let's get in the _game_!" he declared, tossing each of his teammates a flashlight.

"Oh em gee, I think I found something!" Sammy said in excitement as she and Scarlett shined their lights on the ceiling hatch.

"Same here!" Beth added as she illuminated the floor hatch and bent down to get a closer look. "It's a _combination_ lock!"

"Then we'd better work _quickly_," Scarlett said, bending down and putting her hand on the dial.

/

The camera cut to a close-up of Jo turning the dial on the floor hatch while DJ stood behind her shining his light down on it. "Uggh," she grunted as she finally let go, "it's a freaking _combination_ lock!"

"The numbers on the paper!" Dawn said immediately. "It must be the combination!"

"Huh," Jo said blankly, rooting around in her pocket and taking out the crumpled-up note and shining her light on it.

"See, I knew Chris would give us the tools to get out," Topher said with a confident smile, walking over to the jock-ette. "Go on, tell us the numbers," he told her expectantly.

"Yeah yeah," Jo replied as she flipped the note upside-down and back again, "just give me a second, will ya?"

"Uhh, I don't think we _have_ a second!" DJ said in rising panic, the water already well up his legs and nearly covering the floor hatch.

"It's either...," Jo squinted, "3-1-11-3-6-2," she rattled off before flipping the paper again, "or 2-6-3-9-1-3. Hard to tell with such _terrible_ handwriting."

"Well, better get _crackin_'!" Topher said with a cheesy smile. Jo rolled her eyes, and barged past him to crouch down by the dial.

"Great," she muttered after looking it over for a second, "these numbers are freaking _tiny_! Somebody give me a light."

"On it," Topher told her, shining an extra light down on the dial. "Now which number are we going for first?"

"Hold on, let me double check," Jo told him, taking the note back out of her pocket. She moved her light onto it, and Topher did as well, but ended up shining his beam directly into her eyes – she squinted and reflexively moved her hands to block it, but in doing so lost her grip on the note.

"Crap..." she muttered, picking up the now soggy and unreadable note out of the water as Topher smiled sheepishly.

/

The scene flashed over to a close-up of the Gaffers' dial as Scarlett turned it back and forth and her teammates watched in silence. The water rose above her head and she came up with a gasp. "This isn't _working_!" she said in frustration. "_How_ am I supposed to determine the combination with the water rising so rapidly?"

xxx

"Even without knowing the exact structure of the locking mechanism," Scarlett informed the confessional camera, "I could have been able to decipher the combination if given enough time. Of course," she scowled, "that would require I not _drown_ first."

xxx

"Maybe we could, I don't know, boost each other up _there_?" Sammy suggested, her light shining on the ceiling hatch.

"Seems worth a shot," Beth said, shrugging along with Lightning. The athlete held out his hands to give Sammy a foothold, boosting her up onto his shoulders before Beth climbed up them to the top.

She strained to reach for the hatch, but it was still too high up. "It's no use!" she told her teammates. "We're gonna need Scarlett up here too-whoa-oah!" As she spoke she made another attempt at reaching out, but only managed to cause the three to lose their balance and collapse into the water.

"Well _now_ what?" Lightning asked in annoyance.

"My boyfriend used to do underwater photoshoots, and he taught me how to hold my breath for a really long time!" Beth suggested.

"That...doesn't sound like it'll help us _escape_...," Sammy told her uncertainly just before Scarlett emerged from the water with another gasp.

"What are you all doing?" she asked them.

"We were trying to open the door on the ceiling," Sammy said, "but-"

"Just wait until the water level reaches the point where you can _float_ up there," Scarlett told her. "But before that, help me look for something I can use as a tool."

/

"Does anybody _else_ have a plan to get us out of this death trap?" Jo asked her teammates, all four floating idly in the water.

"Shouldn't we just keep tryin' that combination?" DJ said with a tremble in his voice.

"If you wanna keep holding your breath and fiddling with that _dial_, be my guest," Jo told him. "But I'm not convinced it's the only way out."

"Well, while you're doin' that, _I'm_ gonna try that combination again," DJ said in a panic before taking a deep breath and plunging under. The camera followed him as he awkwardly sank to the bottom, a flashlight in his hand and the legs of his floating teammates dangling around him. He turned the light on and got to work on the dial, but only managed to get it turned twice before his breath ran out and he was forced to surface.

"Wait, of course!" Topher exclaimed as the gentle giant emerged with a gasp. "How could we forget about _that_?!" He pointed to the ceiling hatch with a grin, and with the current water level was able to grab onto it along with Jo.

"Wait, stop!" Dawn cried out. "You mustn't open that, it's _filled_ with negative energy!"

"This whole _place_ is filled with negative energy!" Jo countered as she and Topher pried the hatch cover open.

A shark stuck its head out of the opening with a roar, and the two Grips who had opened it quickly closed it again, eyes wide with shock.

"I take that back," Jo said, backing away from the hatch slowly.

/

"Almost...there...," the overachiever grunted as he forced the wheel of the ceiling hatch to turn, excitedly exclaiming "Sha-_Lightning_!" when it finally opened.

He immediately shrieked and slammed it shut when a jet of fire came forth from the opening. "That wasn't safe at all!"

"Yeah," Sammy agreed, shaking in fear.

"We gotta keep trying, though!" Beth told them from off to the side of the room.

/

The scene cut to the control room, with footage of the Gaffers continuing what they'd been doing on the monitors.

"Fire, huh?" Chris said with a hint of nervousness. "Don't you think that's a bit much?"

Chef shrugged.

xxx

"Seriously, I just got _back_ here!" Chef told the confessional camera angrily. "Why do I gotta _immediately_ bust my hump for those kids, and after all the _trouble_ they've caused me too?" He slammed a fist onto the table, scattering a few make-up brushes. "Don't I deserve a little _me_ time?"

xxx

Close-ups of Beth, Dawn, DJ, and Lightning were now being shown on the monitors, each one looking with dread at the water that was now up to their necks or shoulders.

"Really, it might be time to end the challenge," Chris said with rising concern. "The water's getting pretty _high_, and, uh, those kids are terrible swimmers!"

"_Focus_!" Chef shouted. "I want my chips back," he said calmly, pointing to a tall canister on the table, "I'm starvin'." He casually tossed a single chip into his mouth.

"This is getting _serious_," Chris told him, "tur-turn off the _water_!"

Chef rolled his eyes and shook his head, but reached for the lever anyway. It quickly snapped off in his hand, and Chris gasped. "We've gotta get the cast _outta there_!" he said, standing up in panic as the music began to rise tensely. "Simple formula! No more _contestants_ equals no more _episodes_ equals no _paycheck_, and the end of my luxurious lifestyle!"

"Texas Hold 'Em?" Chef asked after dropping the broken lever and shuffling their deck of cards.

"You're not _hearing me_!" the host exclaimed, holding his head in exasperation.

"What, Gin Rummy?" Chef asked again, holding up a hand of cards with an unconcerned expression.

/

A shot from just below the surface of the water showed Dawn and Topher treading it just before DJ came up for air.

"You making any progress down there?" Jo asked him.

"I've got no idea!" DJ said in a panic. "It's hard enough tryin' to see the numbers through the water, but now my flashlight's stopped workin' too!" He held up the light, clicking its switch to no effect.

"So what, are we just gonna _die_ in here?" the jock-ette asked angrily.

"No, that _can't_ be true!" Dawn said. "I read my _tea leaves_ this morning, and I didn't see _anything_ about us dying!"

"They're _leaves_," Jo countered, "what the heck would _they_ know?!"

"A _lot_," Dawn shot back. "The have predicted _so much_ that's happened this season! The danger that would have befallen Geoff and Bridgette had they stayed, DJ losing everything if he worked with Chef, even that a great _secret_ would be revealed tonight!" Her teammates looked at her, and each other, in shock. "Believe me, if we were going to die here, the Universe would have _told me_!"

"Hate to ruin the mood," Topher spoke up, "but we still need to find a way out. Dawn, couldn't you, I don't know, talk to that shark guarding the other exit?"

Dawn furrowed her brow in confusion. "Shark? What shark?"

"The...the one in the _ceiling_, Dawn," Topher replied with disbelief. "The negative energy you tried to warn us about, remember?"

The blonde stared at him. "Odd, I didn't sense anything _alive_ up there..."

The other three Grips shared a look, and the footage flashed forward to show the boys opening the hatch cover back up. Sure enough the shark popped out and roared again...and just stayed there with it's mouth hanging open.

Jo scowled, then gave it a heavy left hook that broke the mechanical head clear off.

/

The footage cut back to the control room where Chris was watching the Grips with tense worry. "Brilliant!" he said with forced relief. "They've figured out the shark's a fake! It won't cause the water to drain, but at least _one_ team is safe. Hopefully," he said with slightly more panic, "the Gaffers can find a way out too, and I'll still have a _paycheck_!" He quickly hugged Chef, who'd been playing cards by himself and looked annoyed at the sudden contact.

/

"There's no other option but to _force_ it open!" Scarlett told her teammates. "Grab something heavy or sharp and come with me!"

Beth, Sammy, and Lightning shared a worried look, the water rising dangerously close to the ceiling. They each took a deep breath and dove under, and once they'd done so a song reminiscent of action and intrigue began in the background. A montage was shown, beginning with clips scrolling across the screen of each of the four Gaffers grabbing something from around their flooded room. Beth and Sammy each picked up one of the flashlights that had been dropped at some point, while Scarlett and Lightning each broke a section of thin pipe off the wall. Chris was shown watching them nervously from the safety of his control room, and at their leader's direction they began to beat on the dial of the floor hatch one by one.

Chris was shown covering his eyes in fear and anxiety, peeking out just long enough to gape. The clips moved to the Grips as Jo and DJ tore the rest of the mechanical shark out of their ceiling exit, the room almost completely filled. A split screen formed, the top continuing the footage of the Grips as Jo climbed into the cleared hole, while below the Gaffers continued to beat on the floor hatch. As Lightning and Sammy went back up for air, Dawn and Topher made their way up and out. The camera on the Gaffers focused in on the dial as cracks began to form in it and its base, and DJ squeezed himself into the Grips' exitway.

The top switched over to the control room as Chris bit his nails, the bottom changing to Chef calmly playing solitaire. The two shots separated vertically, and footage of the Gaffers took over the screen once again. As Scarlett and Beth came back down from their own breath, Lighting and Sammy broke the dial off and Lightning managed to shove his pipe into the mechanism it was covering. Together the four pulled on it, and the background music reached a triumphant peak as they managed to lift the lid open just enough for Beth to jam her flashlight through the torrent of air bubbles streaming up from it and into the gap.

Scarlett and Lightning quickly moved their longer tools into it as well, and with a bit more effort they succeeded in prying the lid completely open. A larger cloud of bubbles briefly covered the screen, and when they dissipated Scarlett was swimming out the gap with Lightning, Beth, and Sammy following after.

Back in the control room, the background music came to an end as Chris pumped his fist. "Wooo-hoo-hoo! Yeah, mmm, mmm!" He cheered, doing a joyous dance around the room while Chef watched in annoyance and ate his chips.

/

The footage cut back outside as the four Gaffers dropped out of the submarine with a torrent of water. They surfaced quickly, and grabbed onto the nearby life raft even quicker.

"Oh em gee," Sammy said in relief, moving a lock of hair out of her eyes, "we really did it!"

"Yeah," a voice laughed from above, "too bad you didn't _win_!" The four Gaffers looked up, and the shot cut to Jo and the other soaking-wet Grips sitting on top of the submarine by an open hatch cover. DJ and Dawn waved sheepishly, while Topher just gave them a cheeky wink and finger pistol.

"Awww," Beth sighed as she and Sammy looked disappointed. Lightning slapped the water in frustration, and Scarlett merely leveled a glare at the other team.

/

A flash took the scene to a close-up of a roaring fire outside the cast trailers. It was now dark out, and all eight who had competed in the second challenge were sitting around it in bathrobes, the Grips on the left and the Gaffers on the right. Additionally, Sammy, Beth, Scarlett, Dawn, and Topher each had a towel wrapped around their hair.

"Well, that was a pretty exciting day, huh?" Chris told them as he walked past the glaring Grips with a reverent tune playing in the background. "Looks like _another_ reward for the Grips. Seems like the _Gaffers_ are a tad overdue. But," he paused to laugh, "I wouldn't hold my _breath_!" Beth and Sammy glared at him and his pun.

"And now let's see what the Grips have won!" Chris said once he stopped laughing, pulling a card out of his shirt. "Ohhh!"

The shot flashed to Chef in his sparkly pink dress standing in front of a curtain that was quickly pulled back to reveal a scene of a city on the water, with mountains in the background and a totem pole in the fore. "An all-expenses paid trip to beautiful _British Columbia_!" The shot flashed again, now showing a close-up of a small cabin bathed in red light and steam, an odd and low bubbling noise in the background. "That's right, you'll be staying at the luxurious inn, 'On the Volcano'!" The camera pulled back, revealing that the cabin was indeed located so far over the mouth of an active volcano that it looked like it would fall in at the slightest provocation. "A _charming_ lodge, teetering on the edge of a little-known active volcano, on Vancouver Island."

The Grips looked at him with a mixture of anger and disbelief. "To get you there," the host continued as the scene flashed to Chef, dressed in a traditional German costume and accompanied by an unseen yodeler, hiking up the side of a mountain. "You'll be enjoying an _exhilarating_ eight-day hike up the craggy, treacherous-"

Both the host and the various background sounds were interrupted by a record scratch and an angry outburst from Jo. "Not a chance!"

xxx

"Seriously, we could have _drowned_ back there!" Jo said in the confessional. "Good thing none of us, especially _me_, were willing to give up and _die_ in this dump."

xxx

"Honestly, risking actual _death_ if we couldn't find the way out?" Topher told the camera before shaking his head in disappointment. "That's just sloppy challenge design! And here I've come to expect _more_ from Chris. Though it _could_ just be Chef's fault," he said, tapping his chin in thought. "I mean, _I_ for one wouldn't put it past the man to have cut corners setting up, especially given how mad he's been since he came back."

xxx

"Umm, I think I speak for all of us when I say that we'd prefer _refreshments_ for our reward," Dawn told the host. "Chips and pop, preferably."

"Suit yourselves," Chris replied, putting the card back in his shirt pocket. "More money for _my_ end-of-the-year bonus!"

xxx

"We go through two disaster challenges and nearly _die_," DJ confessed with disbelief, "and the dude thinks we'll wanna go stay at a _volcano_?" He shook his head and made tutting sounds. "That's just messed up right there."

xxx

DJ and Jo clinked soda bottles together as they, Dawn, and Topher enjoyed their reward at the picnic table outside the rebuilt craft services tent. The camera quickly panned to the left past the sulking Gaffers, and stopped on Chris wheeling B up in a wheelchair. The large boy's coat had been replaced by a figure-of-eight splint around his shoulders and a sling for his right arm, and he was looking annoyed and bored.

"Hey," the host whispered to him, "if you promise not to _sue_, I'll make sure you get well compensated, okay?"

B rubbed his chin in thought, then made an 'okay' sign with his left hand. "Good," Chris told him before helping the boy out of the wheelchair. "We'll iron out the details later, but for now you can go enjoy your reward." B nodded and walked over to his team, leaving Chris to wipe the sweat off his brow.

The footage skipped forward to the silent boy joining his teammates in their celebration. "Welcome back, Silent Treatment," Jo greeted as DJ handed him a bottle of pop with a smile; B gave them a smile and nod in return before he began to drink. "Good to see _you're_ still as quiet as always," Jo added. "Speaking of which," she turned her attention to the petite blonde nearby, "Dawn, didn't you say something about some kinda _secret_ being revealed tonight?"

Dawn immediately tensed up, as did two of her male teammates. "Oh, right, yes," she answered in a stilted fashion. "It must've slipped my mind. Perhaps...I should double check my tea leaves! I'll be right back..."

As she dashed off to the left, DJ cleared his throat. "You know what?" he said, trying to hide his nervousness. "It's gettin' late, so I'm gonna hit the sack." He dashed off to the left as well.

"Y-yeah," Topher added, "I'm gonna get some sleep too, right after I go do something else I, uh, forgot about..." He scurried off in a different direction than his two teammates, leaving Jo and B alone and looking rather bewildered.

xxx

Topher drummed his fingers nervously on the make-up trailer's counter, his eyes not meeting the camera for a few seconds. "Yeah, the _last_ thing I need right now is to have people interested in my secrets. Not, uh, that I'm _hiding_ anything," he added with a nervous chuckle. "It's just that I have a future _career_ to keep in mind, I don't need people knowing about my criminal rec-" He stopped himself in mid-syllable, his eyes wide and mouth agape. Without a word, he scrambled out of the camera's view and the footage cut to static.

It resumed briefly, the confessional now empty but the camera filming it shaking violently. "Gimme that tape!" Topher was heard demanding in desperation, accompanied by faint sounds of struggle and the camera being moved around before the footage cut back to static.

xxx

"Well," Chris said with a shocked look in the control room as the dramatic end-of-episode theme began to play, "_that_ was interesting. Looks like there's more to Topher than meets the eye! What will become of this revelation?" he asked the camera with a smile. "Find out next time, on Total! Drama! _Action_!" The shot zoomed out, showing Chef still playing solitaire at a table in the corner.

(Fade to Credits)

* * *

**Author's Note - Post Script**

As at least one reviewer guessed, it was B who received the manifesto-based injury. However, since B breaking his jaw doesn't have nearly the same effect as the same happening to Owen in canon, I opted for something a little different. You'll have to wait to see what comes of it.

I'm not quite certain I gave Chef a satisfactory level of post-return anger, especially since I know a bunch of you were looking forward to it. I did try to increase it a bit with his lines throughout the challenge, but as i said I'm uncertain if it was enough. Let me know what you think!

As for the challenge itself...well, the second part at least. Obviously I couldn't give them the easy way out through preserving the combination, but I didn't want a rehash of the canon episode - thus no bendy straws to help someone open the lock. Both teams still got free in what I do feel were fairly good ways, and I hope you all feel the same way.

And...well, I'm sure there's a few other things you're interested in hearing about, but I'm afraid you'll have to wait!

I'll see you all next week!

\- Fangren

* * *

**Appendix: TSA Eliminated Contestants**

Geoff - (Tied for 14th Place)

Bridgette - (Tied for 14th Place)

Shawn - (13th Place)

Alejandro - (12th Place)

Sierra - (11th Place)

Beardo - (10th Place)


	11. Chapter 11 - Full Metal Drama

**Author's Note**

Welcome back! As completely expected, the second Aftermath episode is proving a bit of a difficult write. I am...largely confident that I will be able to complete it on time, however. Perhaps not to my complete satisfaction, since I feel there will always be more I could potentially say or do, but it will at least be done.

This week's chapter, though, is the end result of the difficult decision I had to make last week. I'll talk about that more in the post script, so for now I'll move on to the reviews.

**BuckJohnson:** Hmm...well, interesting thoughts. I hope you like how things turn out!

**Zak Saturday:** Thanks for letting me know what you thought of Chef. As for Topher and B...well, you'll just have to wait and find out!

**acosta perez jose ramiro:** Thank you, as always!

**FOWLKON:** Haha, I do love a good cliffhanger and such. As always, though, you'll have to wait and find out the answers to all those questions and more!

**JinxQueen:** Yup, Topher's got a criminal record (in this series at least). And I did consider having Scarlett win the submarine challenge for the Gaffers, but I decided it would be better to have it end differently than in canon.

**OMAC001:** Well, as far as anyone knows he doesn't have one in canon. But after rewatching some of Pahkitew Island, I decided it wasn't completely out of the realm of possibilities for one main reason.

**Ddynamo:** Ah, right, right, I see what you mean now. And I'm certainly glad you're interested in what I'm doing with Topher, and this episode in general. Hopefully I won't disappoint.

**Ali6132:** Interesting predictions, as always. I won't give any more hints about the identity of the two new TSWT contestants, but I will let you know that Sierra is almost certainly going to fill much the same role as her canon self in the Celebrity Manhunt special, with appropriate changes considering that she's already been a contestant on the show from the beginning.

**Cole D. soul:** Well...I'm glad you liked the idea, I guess? Not sure what else to say here, but thank you for the review anyway.

**80jj:** Yup, that's exactly what I was thinking regarding B's injury. And as you said, no broken jaw means nobody to get constipated, opening a wider range of possibilities for this episode's challenge...

**Madison Wooten:** Oh wow, I hope you get well soon! And technically, Topher's only been to juvenile detention since he's a minor.

**StayOuttaMyShed:** Honestly? The vast majority of Chef's actions last episode were basically the same as in canon, only two episodes after he'd gotten in trouble for his alliance with DJ. He spent nearly all of the submarine challenge playing cards and relaxing, even while the castmates were nearly drowning. As for all that other stuff you said...well, I certainly enjoyed reading it since reader perspective is so important to keep in mind, but I obviously can't comment further on it. I am wondering what you'll think after this episode, though.

**Proxxy The First:** Well, juvie, but yeah. He's...well, he's not exactly the new Duncan, I'll say that.

**I. M. Poik:** Good to hear some concern for B, and yet another person shocked that Topher has a criminal record. As for who's going home tonight...you'll have to read on!

**Knifez:** I'm glad you liked what I did with the second part of the challenge! And some good points on a few of the characters that I'll have to keep in mind. Thanks for the review!

**Star Saber21:** Thanks! Good to know my changes to some of the canon elements are so well-received.

**Pokemon Rule:** Good to hear that Topher has fans too. And of course, it's always a pleasure to read people's predictions and thoughts about future chapters.

**Guest:** Thanks! And...well, I've already said that at least one of them appeared in the canon version of World Tour, but I'm afraid that's it for now. Sorry.

And now, as usual, the list of remaining contestants:

Screaming Gaffers \- Scarlett, Lightning, Beth, Sammy

Killer Grips \- Jo, DJ, Dawn, B, Topher

Which of them is going home next? Stand at attention, soldiers, because there's a war on the horizon!

\- Fangren

* * *

**Episode 11 – Full Metal Drama**

"Last week, on Total Drama Action," Chris opened to shots of Beth and Sammy clinging to their team's monkey bars, Dawn jumping onto her team's metal tunnel, and the host firing golf balls at the unseen cast. "Our competitors took it on the chin," Topher was shown getting hit several times in the back, "as they faced an all-you-can-eat buffet of _deadly_ natural disasters." B fell face forward into the pool of water as the ground began to shake again, and Topher stumbled to his knees.

"But, it was B's own feet that tripped him up," the host said as the silent genius was shown getting a boost onto the wall by DJ, then getting hit in the shoulder with Chef's giant manifesto. "Ah-howch!" Chris said with a laugh. "His newly-broken bones took B _out_ of the challenge, and cost him the use of an arm," the host added as the silent boy was shown being loaded onto a stretcher, then returning later that night with a splint on his shoulders and his right arm in a sling. "A rough life for the inventor to be sure, but his teammates had it even _rougher_," Chris said as the recap footage moved on to clips of the second challenge.

"We threw the competitors into a _submarine_ simulator and forced 'em to find their way out," the host said as shots were shown of the two teams in their respective compartments, the water level rising with each successive clip. "But without B's genius to bail them out," Jo was shown looking at the combination she'd been given and losing it shortly after, "_both_ teams were left gasping for air." DJ, Scarlett, and Lightning were shown surfacing for air.

"They _barely_ managed to escape with their lives," Chris continued over shots of each team making their escape, "although _some_ might be regretting it." Topher's confessional from the end of the episode was shown in part, with emphasis on his desperate attempt to get the camera.

"If they thought _that_ was tough," he asked over a shot of the two soaked teams back outside the submarine, "then they're in for a _surprise_," the recap ended with a shot of the two teams around the campfire in towels and bathrobes.

The scene moved to a close-up of the host standing in front of a building with a point in his hand. "Because this week, it's _all-out war_!" The camera zoomed out, revealing a tropical war zone set, complete with sandbags, a bunker, a guard tower, and even a bomb lying on the ground. He pointed to a chart that had been set up next to him with drawings of tanks, fighter jets, and a dotted trail leading to an 'X'. "It's a _desperate_ battle for _survival_, on Total! Drama! Action!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be...famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be...famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

The episode opened with a shot of the cast trailers, the sun just barely risen as a lilting morning tune began in the background. As the camera zoomed in Jo left the girl's trailer, and the scene cut inside it.

Beth yawned and stretched her arms, then hopped out of her bed. Scarlett walked past her, already dressed, and the camera followed the brainiac for a moment before stopping on Sammy. The cheerleader had also gotten dressed, and was rummaging through a drawer near her bed. She eventually pulled out a silver heart-shaped pendant, holding it up and smiling.

"What's that?" Dawn asked suddenly, appearing in her pajamas hanging upside-down off the edge of her upper bunk. "It's very pretty."

"Thanks," Sammy said with a faint blush. "It's just something I found on the ground when I was coming home from school a few years ago. I don't really know how it got there, but I liked how it looked so I picked it up. I've been keeping it a secret from _Amy_ ever since."

"I'm glad you did," Dawn said, "it suits you _much_ more than it does her." Sammy blushed faintly again, but Dawn didn't notice. "But why take it out now?" the mystic asked, allowing herself to flip backwards onto the floor.

"Oh, well, take a look!" the nice twin said, holding out the pendant so her friend could take a look. The camera zoomed in for a close-up, showing that it had a seam of sorts going down the middle, and that each half was attached to a separate string necklace. After a moment, Sammy took it in both hands and snapped it in two.

"Oh my," Dawn said with a smile.

"Yeah," Sammy said, putting one half around her neck. "I'm gonna give the other half to DJ for our two week anniversary."

Dawn's face fell slightly. "Oh, yes, of course. I'm sure he'll like it."

"You think so?" Sammy asked. "That's kind of a relief. I don't want to go too _fast_ or anything."

"I'm sure you'll be fine," Dawn told her. "You two are...well-suited for each other."

"Thanks!" Sammy said happily before turning and leaving the trailer.

/

The shot cut back outside, lingering on the guys' trailer as Lightning cried "Where's my protein scoop?" Inside the trailer, the athlete was shown digging through a few drawers in his night clothes, flinging various items out over his shoulder. "How the heck am I supposed to get my DPA without _scoopie_?"

"With a spoon?" DJ answered in bewilderment, leaning up in his bed. "Seriously, dude, just have it at breakfast."

Lightning glared at him. "Nuh-uh, dude, Lightning's _not_ usin' one of those nasty _kitchen_ spoons for his DPA. Besides, Lightning was _robbed_, he's got to figure out who took scoopie!"

DJ rolled his eyes. "Suit yourself, dude, just don't go thinkin' _I_ stole it." The gentle giant got up and walked across the room to where B was laying, his splint on over his bare chest. "You want any help, B?" The silent boy nodded and extended his left arm, allowing DJ to pull him up out of bed.

"Hmm," Lightning said, narrowing his eyes at the two and scratching his chin. "Yo Toph, you seen my scoop anywhere?" he asked the fourth boy, the camera quick-panning to him as he pulled his shirt on.

"S-scoop?" Topher repeated nervously, his eyes darting around the room as he jammed his hands into his pockets. "Can't say I've seen it anywhere!" The other boys raised their eyebrows in suspicion and confusion at him. "Sorry Lightning, hope you find it and all, but right now I gotta go. See ya!" speaking quickly, the white boy backed towards the trailer door and exited, leaving his roommates to share confused glances with each other.

/

The scene flashed back outside just as Topher stepped out of his trailer and immediately bumped into Sammy.

"Oops! Sorry about that," he said quickly and nervously, running off without another word.

"Huh, I wonder what that was about," Sammy murmured, watching the boy leave for a few seconds before shrugging and turning her attention back to the guys' trailer door. She gave it a few short knocks, and called out "Hey DJ! It's me!"

The door opened seconds later by a fully-clothed and smiling brickhouse. "Good morning!" he told her, and they leaned in for a quick kiss. "What brings you out here so early?"

"Oh, well," Sammy answered with a light blush, "I just wanted to give you something..." She reached behind her back, but soon furrowed her brow in confusion and began to pat her clothes. "That's odd, did I drop it?" she said, turning around to look behind her as DJ watched her with confusion of his own. "I just had it a second ago..."

xxx

Topher was biting his nails and looking around anxiously as he began his confessional. "I've been on _edge_ because of what happened last time," he told the camera. "It's only a matter of time before everyone finds out. And to make matters worse, my old _habit_ started acting up again." He frowned, and held up a silver pendant in the shape of half a heart. "Now I gotta figure out how to get this back before people realize I took it!"

xxx

The footage skipped forward, showing the contestants walking warily as Chris passed them in an army helmet and sunglasses. "Today, we're _all_ about war movies," he told them, the shot zooming out to show Sammy looking down sadly, DJ with a hand on her shoulder, and Chef glaring nearby in his drill instructor's uniform.

"So, look lively you...," Chris began to say.

"Buckets of horse doo-doo!" Chef finished with a growl into Scarlett's unimpressed face.

"So, get ready for the first death-defying challenge, you...," the host began again.

"Disgustin' slimy crustaceans!" Chef finished once more.

"Move it, privates!" the host ordered. "Fall in!"

"Sir yes sir!' the cast said as one.

xxx

"So, we're doing a _military_ theme again," Jo said thoughtfully in the make-up confessional. "Too bad I can't find my lucky _whistle_. Oh well," she shrugged, "I'm _still_ the toughest competitor here. Can't really say the same for my team, though."

xxx

The camera cut to Lightning, Jo, B, and Beth as the two Gaffers walked off. "Hey Silent B," the jock-ette asked, "you sure you're up for this challenge? I don't want that _shoulder_ of yours holding us back."

B tried to shrug, but the movement caused him to wince and rub his right shoulder with a slightly pained look.

"Hey, don't worry about it!" DJ said, approaching with Dawn and a jittery Topher. "B may be injured, but he's still got his smarts. Besides, we're a man up, we'll be fine. Right guys?"

Dawn nodded happily, but quickly turned a suspicious look towards Topher who seemed to be distracted.

"Huh?" he said once he saw his teammates looking at his oddly. "Oh, right, yeah, we'll be fine. It's a war movie, right? Doing the _soldier_ thing, us against them, seems like a _great_ time to come together as a team, y'know?"

"What's up with _you_?" Jo asked with narrowed eyes. "You don't get this twitchy even when your _hair's_ in danger."

Topher blinked at her. "Twitchy?" he repeated with a bit of nervous laughter. "Not sure what you're talking about, Jo, I feel perfectly fine!" His teammates gave him skeptical looks. "Okay, maybe not _fine_ fine, but it's nothing to worry about! Just a bit, uh, nervous about the war theme!"

Jo pursed her lips. "You know what? I don't even care. Just don't mess up this challenge, we've got _enough_ problems as is."

"R-right...," Topher said as Jo, B, and DJ walked away. He wiped the sweat from his brow, then noticed that Dawn was still staring at him.

"I can tell you're feeling _very_ guilty," she told him softly. "But more than that, you're worried about how people will react when they find out your secrets. Unfortunately, you won't get the acceptance you've always wanted unless you let it all go."

"I...that...," Topher sputtered. "What does that even _mean_?" Dawn just looked at him, then turned around and started to leave. "Hey! You better not tell anyone!" Topher hissed at her angrily.

Dawn looked back at him with a calm expression. "Why would I? They'll all find out eventually."

/

The scene briefly flashed to the numbered studios with the sound of a plane engine in the background, the camera panning up to show the fake cliff before flashing to what looked like the inside of some kind of plane. The two teams were shown in a split screen with the Gaffers on top and the Grips on the bottom, all nine teens wearing blindfolds.

"Okay people," Chris said, "remove your blindfolds!" The contestants did as commanded, and the viewpoint shifted to show the teams sitting along opposite walls as the host walked in front of the camera. "When it comes to making a war movie," he said, the viewpoint moving again to show that he was standing next to a large trunk, "jumping out an airplane is _the_ most dangerous stunt there is." He popped the trunk open, revealing several parachute packs within. "So naturally," he began to yell as he slid open a nearby door, the winds roaring inside the room, "it's our first challenge!"

Lightning and Beth gasped, as did DJ and Dawn, and even Jo looked shocked.

"Wow, this must be a new record for the shortest time between the start of a challenge and our lives being endangered," Scarlett deadpanned over the roaring wind and engine.

"It's kind of amazing none of us have died yet," Beth said. "Maybe this'll be like all those other times, and we won't be in any actual danger."

"Oh, that would be nice," Sammy added on Scarlett's right. "We've already gotten so far, it would suck to have everything end because of a faulty parachute. And I just _know_ Amy would try to pin all the blame on me."

"Well _duh_," Lightning told her, the camera panning right to include him in the shot. "If anybody's gonna cause us all to fall to our deaths, it's gonna be a sha-loser like _you_. Besides," he added dismissively, "you're probably some kinda jinx anyway!"

"What are you talking about?" Beth asked with a bewildered look. "How is Sammy _unlucky_? She's been doing just as good in challenges as the rest of us!"

"Uh, well, it's cause of _her_ that hairy dude got voted off, right?" Lightning said.

"That was an _accident_!" Sammy said defensively. "And anyway, you and Scarlett voted for him too!"

"Please don't get me involved in this," Scarlett said dryly. "I'd prefer it if we focused on _current_ events."

xxx

"I...will admit to voting with Lightning last time," Scarlett confessed, her hands clasped on the table in front of her. "However, I feel the need to clarify that we are _not_ in an alliance. He made it clear that he didn't want one when I picked him for my team, and I haven't had reason to go back on that agreement. What happened with Beardo was...," she briefly looked away in thought, "an idle experiment to see if I could predict who Lightning would vote for without actually _speaking_ to him about it. Beardo's elimination was merely a side-effect."

xxx

"Drop zone approaching!" Chris announced after sticking his head out the open door. "Form a line, it's time to par-tay!"

The Gaffers were shown standing up as the host continued. "Stunt people undergo _weeks_ of training before they parachute," he said as the Grips stood up as well, Dawn walking forward hesitantly while DJ cringed in fear. "Luckily, we're gonna _skip_ all that and get to the good part: Jumping!"

"That doesn't really sound like a good idea!" Beth told the host.

"What's the worst that could happen?" Chris asked her.

"We _die_!" Scarlett answered with annoyance and anger.

"I know!" Chris grinned. "_Hilarious_! Haha! Time to jump!" He thrust a finger out the open door.

"Well, better get this over with," Jo grunted, walking towards the trunk of parachutes with B. The large boy immediately started to wave his good arm at the smiling host, and pointed vigorously at his injured shoulder with a concerned look on his face.

"Sorry, big guy," the host told him, "but you gotta jump too! Try not to land on your shoulder, okay?" He then pulled his cellphone out of his pocket and turned his back on the now-glaring B.

"At least we get parachutes," Dawn told the injured boy, placing her hand reassuringly on his good shoulder.

"Actually, change of plans!" Chris interrupted, closing his phone and stowing it back in his pocket. "I just spoke to our research department, there _were_ no parachutes in World War I!"

"So what do we do for the challenge?" Lightning asked.

"Simple," the host replied as he shoved the trunk of parachutes out the door with his foot.

Lightning, Beth, and Sammy gasped. None of the contestants made a move, though, and Chris scowled. "Okay, you kids better start jumping before I have Chef tilt the plane and _force_ you to jump!"

Jo's brows raised, and a deep and tense melody began in the background. "Hey Lightning," she called at the uber-jock, "I'll race you to the ground!"

Lightning's brow furrowed. "If it's a race you want, Lightning's _always_ ready to go!" He sprinted towards the door, easily passing a smirking Jo before diving out into the air with a suddenly fearful cry.

Seconds later, Jo jumped out with a grimace. "Who's up next?" Chris asked the remaining castmates with a smile.

The scene cut outside the plane as the contestants jumped out one by one. First Beth, then Sammy, then Scarlett to round out the Gaffers with a terrified shout each as they quickly disappeared into the clouds below the plane. Next was Dawn looking oddly calm, followed by a shrieking DJ. Topher lingered at the doorway with Chris before gulping and taking the plunge, and B came charging out last with a look of stony determination on his face. He began to holler as soon as he was in the open air, and the host briefly looked out and below with a surprised look on his face before the clouds filled the scene.

They dispersed moments later to reveal all nine contestants in a heap on top of a large mattress, with a confused B on his butt in the middle.

"I _knew_ Chris wasn't gonna let us die!" Topher groaned from on top of DJ. The camera zoomed out, showing that they were in a movie set. The plane was a wingless fake hanging from the ceiling only a few yards above the mattress, and the high winds were caused by a pair of giant fans operated by Chef Hatchet. On the back wall, level with the plane's windows and door, was a sky-patterned background made to continuously scroll and give the illusion of movement within the plane.

Chef shut off the fans, and the castmates groaned and began to get back up. "Looks like Lightning won the race!' the uber-jock cheered, earning an annoyed look from Jo.

"Let's roll, soldiers," Chris told them, now back on the ground. "Because the second part of this challenge is gonna _blow your minds_!" He grinned and spread his arms wide as he spoke before leaning towards the teens. "And everything else within a _fifty-foot_ radius!"

/

The scene immediately flashed forward to a close-up of a green tarp being taken off a pile of grenades and bombs. "Let me guess," Jo said as the camera pulled back to show her and the other Grips standing with Chris and the tarp-pulling Chef by a blast shield outside, "those are _paint bombs_, right?"

"We've divided the camp into two halves," the host told them, the Grips watching with blank looks while the Gaffers were shown in a similar but mirrored position on the other side of the two men. "Most creative and controlled splatter wins."

"Ooh! I have an idea!" Beth said, raising her hand excitedly as Scarlett began to sort through their team's pile of paint-based explosives.

"While I appreciate your enthusiasm," the brainiac said without looking away from the cache, "it won't be necessary. I'm confident that with my knowledge of chemistry and remote demolitions, any plan that _I_ come up with will be superior to whatever _your_ idea is."

"Hey, I know stuff too!" Beth protested.

"That's no reason to trust _you_ more than I trust _myself_," Scarlett told her simply, gathering up a load of explosives and walking off.

Lightning grabbed an armful as well and followed suit, leaving Beth and Sammy alone. "Well, maybe she'll listen to you next time," the cheerleader said.

"She better," Beth pouted. "Scarlett's not the _only_ person with good ideas on this team."

/

"Okay, how are we going to do this?" Jo addressed her teammates as she stood in front of them.

Dawn looked at B, who was rubbing his chin and looking at their explosives thoughtfully, and spoke up. "I believe B has an idea," she told the jock-ette.

"When doesn't he?" Jo replied. "The problem is how are we gonna pull it off when our one-man construction crew is down an arm?"

The camera briefly focused in on the silent genius' cast before pulling back as he snapped his fingers and smirked. As his teammates watched in silent anticipation he walked off-camera for a few moments, returning with a pointer similar to what Chris had been using earlier. He pointed it at Jo who raised an eyebrow, then DJ who raised both, then Topher who just looked nervously shocked, and finally to the pile of paint bombs. He then nodded knowingly, spun on his heel, and walked off with the pointer rested against his good shoulder.

"Umm, B wants you to grab some paint bombs and follow him," Dawn clarified after the other three spent a moment watching their teammate walk off with varying levels of confusion on their faces.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," Jo said before walking over to the pile. As she passed DJ he shrugged and did the same, with Topher joining them soon after.

The scene flashed into a montage set to a military drumline. Each clip focused on B tapping the pointer at various locations around the same war set that Chris had been standing by at the beginning of the episode. Then Jo, DJ, or Topher would lay a number of bombs down, or arrange what had already been placed. With Dawn's smiling assistance the Grips also wired everything up according to B's instructions, and eventually the montage ended with a shot of the entire set, now with several clusters of explosives planted around the area. The five teens looked at it with happiness and pride, with DJ bumping fists with his silent teammate.

"Okay, time's up!" Chris announced, the camera cutting to his close-up as he entered the scene. "Looks like you guys did a great job. Time to see how you stack up against the Gaffers."

/

Another cut took the scene to the Gaffers, standing behind the blast shield that was between them and a set that was very much like the Grips', except that it had been mirrored. Explosives had been placed at several points around it, and they were all wired into a plunger held by Chris.

"Gaffers, are we ready?" the host asked, handing the plunger over to Scarlett.

"Naturally," the brainiac said with a confident smile. As she pushed the plunger down, part of Richard Wagner's 'Ride of the Valkyries' began to play in the background. One by one, explosions of green paint began to go off around the Gaffers' area – in the guard tower, behind the sand bags, near the bunker door, and several off the bunker's roof. One final explosion as began to music end splattered the blast shield and stunned Beth, Lightning, and Sammy.

As the dust cleared around their blast site, the camera pulled back to reveal a massive rendition of the Gaffers' light-bulb-and-crossbones logo in green paint.

"Nice show of team spirit," Chris told the four.

"Well, that _was_ pretty impressive," Beth admitted to Scarlett as the host walked away.

"Well, what else did you expect?" the redhead told her smugly. "I _do_ possess the greatest intellect of anyone here, after all." Beth could only frown in annoyance and Scarlett walked away.

/

The shot cut back to the Grips' side of the camp, starting on their explosive-laden set before panning over to the five waiting behind their blast shield with Chris.

"Are we ready to blow it up?" the host asked excitedly, motioning over to B who was standing by a larger plunger than what the Gaffers had used. The silent boy nodded confidently.

"Well, _this_ oughtta be good," Jo remarked with a confident smile. B gave her a thumbs up, and pushed the plunger down.

Almost immediately, a chaotic series of explosions were set off all around the base. They were accompanied by hectic and disjointed notes in the background music, and the host and other four Grips were shown cringing with their fingers in their ears. Eventually the explosions stopped, the dust settled, and everyone except B leaned past the paint-splattered wall with curious expressions.

The camera panned to the left, showing what appeared to be a shapeless blob of paint. No patterns were apparent in it, and the areas that had been left untouched seemed to be random as well.

"Uh, well, I guess it was _controlled_...," Chris said with a frown. Without missing a beat, B grabbed him by the wrist and dragged him over to another spot. "Okay, first of all, don't touch me without my permission," the host said indignantly, yanking his hand free as soon as the silent boy stopped moving. "And second-"

Before he could finish his sentence, B directed his attention back to the pain splatter. Chris turned his head, and almost immediately began to brighten up. "It's..._beautiful_!" he said, wiping away a tear as the viewpoint moved behind him, showing B's paint pattern from another angle – it took the shape of the vain host's own grinning face.

"The Grips are victorious!" he announced, walking back to the other four teens by the blast wall. A triumphant song began to play, and the Grips began to cheer and celebrate. "It is my honor to present your prize," Chris added just before Chef appeared wheeling a large and ornate-looking red chest on a handcart, "the Big Trunk of Mind-Blowing Secrets! You'll be defending it with your _very_ lives when we return to more, Total! Drama! Action!"

The shot cut back with each word of the title, showing the defeated Gaffers walking towards the Grips with their heads hung in shame.

(Fade to Commercial and Back)

The episode came back on a shot of the cloudy sky, panning down to show Sammy and DJ standing together by a potted palm tree.

"Sorry for, umm, flaking out this morning," the cheerleader said. "I just _really_ wanted to give you something, and then when I realized I lost it I just kind of..."

"...got distracted lookin' for it?" DJ finished for her with a smile.

Sammy blushed and nodded. "Yeah, pretty much. I still don't know what happened to it, though."

"Don't worry about it," the gentle giant told her, "I'm sure it'll turn up sooner or later."

"I know, but I still wanna give you a present," Sammy told him, looking away and taking something out from behind her back. "Here," she said as she held up the other half of her pendant to her boyfriend. "I was gonna keep this half for myself, but since I lost the other one, I want _you_ to have it instead."

DJ's eyebrows shot up as he slowly reached out to accept the gift. "Oh wow, thanks!" he told her with a smile and a quick kiss on the cheek. "I really appreciate it!"

/

The footage flashed forward to Chris McLean standing by the trunk he'd brought out. "Contestants, get ready to begin your next war challenge!" he announced as a short piece of dramatic music played in the background. "It's a giant game of 'Capture the Flag', except in this case the _flag_ is the Trunk of _Mind-Blowing Secrets_!" The camera zoomed in on the trunk at an angle, and the ornate thing seemed to glow radiantly.

"There's only one way to learn what's in the trunk," he told the off-screen castmates, "and that's to win the challenge. As your reward, we'll give you immunity from tonight's vote, _aaaanndd_ a peak inside. But be ready, the secrets inside will blow your brains to _bits_!"

"Aww man, Lightning needs his brains for _thinkin_'!" the uber-jock whined.

"Not to worry," the host told him, holding up a roll of duct tape. "A roll of tape will be provided so you can tape the gray matter back together."

/

"Grips," Chris said as he walked over to what looked to be a building covered in a sheet bearing the logo of the Killer Grips, "_this_ is your base camp." Chef watched from close by, his hands angrily on his hips, as the host and the five teens began to arrive, DJ and Jo carrying the trunk by the pair of poles sticking out on opposite sides. "The set decoration team _wanted_ to build you guys a towering castle, full of defensive possibilities! But, they went to see a movie instead, sooo..." Chris trailed off as Chef grabbed the sheet. "We're gonna give you this!"

The sheet was pulled away, revealing an utterly decrepit wooden shack. "I _think_ it's a tool shed," the host said uncertainly before the building creaked and collapsed into a dusty heap of rotten planks and miscellaneous garden tools. "_Was_ a tool shed," Chris corrected. "Good luck!"

"So how _exactly_ are we gonna supposed to defend this thing out in the open?" Jo asked.

"I guess we just gotta do whatever we can," DJ answered, the pendant half visible around his neck.

"Well, seeing how this is a _war_ movie challenge," Topher spoke up with a hint of nervousness as Dawn watched B walk off with a confident smirk on his face, "I guess we should try thinking like _soldiers_."

"Do we have to?" the gentle giant asked. "I don't wanna have to actually _fight_ anyone."

"Well we have to do _something_ to them," the jock-ette said, "or else one of us is going home tonight! B, you got anything?" She turned to look at where her silent teammate had just been, only to raise an eyebrow in confusion when the large boy wasn't there.

"I think B's already gotten started," Dawn informed her, pointing over towards the wreckage of the tool shed. The camera quick-panned over to show B picking up a shovel out of the rubble, and waved it at his teammates with a smirk.

"So what, you think we should just _bury_ it?" Jo asked as she and the other Grips walked over. "Because I really don't think _hiding_ it is gonna be enough."

B's face fell into an annoyed look, and he walked back towards the shed.

"H-hiding?" Topher said suddenly with a trace of panic. His teammates gave him odd looks, and on seeing them he promptly continued. "That's...a good idea! But we should probably have some _traps_ too. And luckily for you guys, I have just the thing." He grinned at the others, then pulled a trio of paint grenades out of his pockets.

xxx

"What?" Topher told the confessional camera defensively. "I grabbed those _on purpose_! And anyway it's not like we _needed_ them for the last challenge. What's the big deal if I just stuck a few in my pocket when nobody was looking?"

xxx

The footage cut back with a shot of Jo and DJ digging a large hole in the distance as though viewed through binoculars. "So what's going on, team captain?" Beth asked off-camera as the binoculars were lowered and the viewpoint shifted to the brainiac.

"Jo and DJ of them are currently digging," Scarlett explained, "although it's unclear if they intend on merely burying the trunk, or are trying to construct a foxhole."

"What about the others?" Sammy asked, her and Beth watching the redhead intently while Lightning started doing push-ups behind them.

"I'm not certain," Scarlett answered. "B led Topher and Dawn away a few minutes ago, and I can only assume they're preparing more defenses. Regardless, the trunk is currently under light guard."

"I recommend we attack immediately!" Beth declared with an air of formality.

"Hmm...," the brainiac began, tapping her chin in thought. "I think not. As they currently outnumber us and possess unknown defensive capabilities, a full frontal assault at this point would be ill-advised."

"But they can't _possibly_ have finished all that yet," Beth countered. "If we go in _now_, maybe we can catch them off guard!"

"Or _maybe_ we'll all just get caught in some kind of _pit_ or something," Scarlett rebutted sharply before looking through her binoculars again. "If we want to win this challenge, we need to proceed _intelligently_."

"So what," Beth said, "are we just gonna wait around while they build a bunch _more_ traps?"

Scarlett cracked a small smile and lowered her binoculars once more. "Not quite," she said before spinning around and facing her teammates. "Lightning!" she called, and the athlete paused in mid push-up to shoot her an annoyed glance. "I want you to run down there and steal the trunk."

"Uh, not that Lightning doesn't think he can do it, but why just him?" the uber-jock asked as he got back on his feet.

"Well, you _are_ the strongest, fastest, and most overall athletic member of the team," Scarlett told him slyly. "If you can't get the trunk, then what hope do the rest of us have?"

"Yeah, good point," Lightning said with a smug look. "Especially with _these_ losers slowin' Lightning down." He shot a pointed look at Beth and Sammy, who respectively huffed in annoyance and sighed sadly.

"Exactly," Scarlett said. "Now get going so we don't have to be kept waiting."

"Lightning _never_ keeps people waitin'," the uber-jock exclaimed as he struck a pose. "Sha-_Lightning_!" Without further wait, he ran off down the hillside the Gaffers had been stationed on.

"...wait," Beth said with a confused look after the three girls were silent for a moment, "I thought you wanted us to wait until we knew what they're doing. Won't Lightning just get caught in their traps like this?"

Scarlett smirked deviously and raised the binoculars to her eyes once more. "That's what I'm hoping for, actually."

/

The scene flashed over to Dawn, now meditating in lotus position on top of a palm tree. The sound of Lightning's battle cry caused her to open her eyes, and as she looked around the shot briefly cut to a head-on view of the uber-jock charging towards the Grips' base camp.

"Lightning's coming!" she called down below, the camera panning down to B giving her a thumbs up. The silent boy tugged on a string that was tied to the base of the palm, and the camera quick-panned along it as a few soup cans dangling from it started to clatter together.

The camera pulled out to show Jo, DJ, and Topher sitting near a few potted trees, no holes in sight. "It's about time," the jock-ette said with a smirk as she stood up and cracked her knuckles. "I was wondering when they would get here. You two," she pointed at the two boys nearby, "get into position!"

/

A side view of Lightning's charge was shown, and the uber-jock slowed to a stop as he entered the now nearly-empty clearing where the Grips had just been. He looked around in confusion, and eventually noticed a small object half-buried in the sand. The music became tense as he bent over to pick it up, and his brow furrowed as a string it was attached to got caught on something underground. A stronger yank got it free but snapped part of the object off; he finally gave it a closer look and gasped almost immediately.

It was a paint grenade, and he had inadvertently removed the pin.

With a startled holler and a bit of fumbling he dropped the grenade on the sand, and just barely managed to shield himself with his arms when the it went off.

"Sha-_zing_ that was close," he said, covered with green paint but visibly relieved. "Now where the heck is that trunk?" As he looked around the area and scratched his head, he failed to notice Jo and Topher creeping up behind him carrying a burlap sack and some rope.

The background music was punctuated with deep, dramatic beats as Lightning slowly turned around, only to see Jo bringing the sack down over his head. Topher quickly knelt down and began tying his ankles together, and Jo grabbed a tighter hold of the squirming and struggling Gaffer to keep him from falling over.

"Hah!" the jock-ette barked as she fought to contain the sacked Lightning. "Not as _smooth_ as I hoped, but it looks like the Gaffers' strongest soldier just became _our_ prisoner of war."

"_That's_ done," Topher muttered as he pulled the rope around the athlete's ankles taught and stood up. "Now grab his arms so I can tie his wrists, too."

/

The scene was once again shown from afar through the binoculars. Topher finished binding Lightning's wrists and gave Jo and finger pistol, and the two carried the uber-jock off together.

"Well, _that_ didn't go as well as I expected," Scarlett said dryly as she lowered her binoculars.

"What _happened_ to him?" Sammy asked with cautious concern.

Scarlett sighed. "While Lightning did, in fact, demonstrate the Grips' defenses, he has also _succumbed_ to them in the worst possible way." Beth and Sammy gasped. "I had predicted that he would be able to return here empty-handed, or at least fall victim to a simpler trap, but instead he's been taken _prisoner_."

"See?" Beth told her. "This wouldn't have happened if we'd _all_ gone to attack at the same time like I suggested!"

xxx

"Honestly," Beth said in the confessional trailer, "what was the point of having Lightning go out there _anyway_? It just put us down another player!"

xxx

"I _did_ learn several crucial details about the Grips' defenses, however," Scarlett informed her teammates. "First, Dawn seems to be acting as an early-warning system." Sammy raised her brow. "Second, they carried Lightning off elsewhere, indicating that their base _isn't_ at their starting location, although given Jo and Topher's estimated response time they're still fairly close by."

"So...what do we do about it?" Sammy asked.

Scarlett rubbed her chin in thought. "They'll no doubt have brought the trunk with them, so first we should locate their base without getting captured. Beth," she turned to the shorter girl, "I want you to sneak over there, figure out where they are, and come back. If you travel in a wide arc, you should be able to avoid attracting Dawn's attention."

"And what if they spot me?" Beth asked dryly.

"Then try to make noise so I can at least see where they're taking you," Scarlett answered plainly.

"Oh no," Beth replied with a shake of her head, "I'm _not_ gonna sacrifice myself. If I'm going down there, then we're _all_ going down there."

The brainiac raised an eyebrow. "And how exactly do you expect _three_ people to evade capture?" she asked mockingly.

Beth grinned. "You're not the only one who can come up with _plans_, y'know."

/

"You _caught_ Lightning?" DJ said in disbelief as Jo and Topher walked back to where they'd been sitting earlier, the bound jock over their shoulders. "What're you gonna do to him?"

"Dunno," Jo answered as they dropped the athlete on the ground. "I haven't decided yet."

"Lightning thinks," a muffled voice came from inside the sack, "you should let him go!"

"Nobody asked _you_, Sack Boy," the jock-ette said, giving Lightning a light kick in the arm that made him yelp. "Anyway, I guess we just leave him here until the challenge is over. I mean, it's not like he can tell anyone where the _trunk_ is." With a mischievous smile she pointed a finger above them, the camera panning up to show the ornate container sticking conspicuously out of the top of a large palm tree.

"Good point," the brickhouse said, looking up as well. "So what's the plan when the other team comes back?"

"Hmm," Jo thought, "I'm thinking we _net_ 'em." As she spoke, she held up a fishing net with a smirk. "Although I think it's _your_ turn to help, I don't wanna keep relying on Mr. Flake-Free and _Flaky_ over there," she gestured towards Topher with her thumb, the handsome young man standing away from the others with his hands in his pockets and a contemplative look on his face. "He's been acting _weird_ ever since that disaster challenge."

DJ furrowed his brow with concern and walked over to his teammate. "Dude, you _sure_ everything's okay?" He placed a hand on Topher's shoulder, which caused the young man to jump in surprise and take his hands out of his pockets – along with several other items.

"Huh?" he said quickly as DJ shot a curious look at the items that had been scattered on the sand. "Uh, I agree with...whatever Jo said!"

The gentle giant came him a suspicious look before kneeling down and picking up something very similar to the pendant around his neck. "Uh, dude, why do you have the other half of Sammy's pendant?" he asked with an accusatory look, holding the half-heart before something else caught his eye. "And Jo's whistle!"

"What?!" the jock-ette said in sudden outrage.

"And Lightning's protein scoop!" DJ added, the camera zooming into the whistle and scoop in his open hand.

"Scoopie?!" Lightning exclaimed, his voice still muffled by the sack he was in.

"I-I can explain!" Topher said quickly, putting his hands up defensively as Jo walked towards him with a glare on his face. "It's, uh, it's not like I _stole_ them or anything, I just, y'know, found them on the ground!"

"Then why _exactly_ didn't you give them back?" Jo asked, getting close to the handsome boy's face.

Topher began to sweat. "I-"

He was cut off when the stringed-together soup cans tied to one of the nearby trees began to clatter wildly.

"Crap," Jo grunted, "looks like all three of 'em showed up. We'll talk about _you_ later," she said with a pointed look at an ashamed-looking Topher before picking up her net. "For now, I want _both_ of you with me."

Topher sighed lightly, ignoring the glare DJ was giving him.

/

The scene flashed to show the trio of Grips stalking through the lightly-planted area, Jo holding the net while the two boys flanked her. The telltale sound of a paint grenade exploding acted as a signal that caused the three to charge out into the open, hollering their own battle cries mostly at the top of their lungs while tense and fast-paced music rose behind them. The camera did not show their quarry, however, even as Jo blindly threw her net, a near-crying DJ went in for a tackle, and Topher deliberately held back.

"Ahh! Ahh!" A high-pitched scream came from under the gentle giant's arms. "DJ! DJ, it's _me_!" The boy finally opened his eyes and the camera panned down to show that he had grabbed none other than the netted and lightly paint-spattered Sammy.

He immediately gasped and let her go. "I'm so sorry, I didn't realize!" he stammered with a faint blush.

"Hold on," Jo said, her brow furrowing as she looked down at the cheerleader. "If it's only _you_ here, then why-?"

"Friends!" Dawn interrupted suddenly, running up to the group with an urgent look on her face. "Beth and Scarlett have already split off, they're headed for our base! B's on his way, but he _needs_ help!"

Jo's eyes widened, and she looked back in the direction she'd come from with panic on her face. "Aww, dang it!"

/

The music quieted down as the scene cut over to the two Gaffer girls peaking out from behind a tree. "Remind me again why _I_ had to come with you?" Scarlett deadpanned as the two crept towards where Lightning still laid.

"Because if you didn't and we _lose_," Beth whispered, "then Sammy and I will vote you out. And don't think we can't get _Lightning_ to vote with us too. And besides, two people will make this easier."

Scarlett grumbled. "Very well, just don't expect me to forget this."

"I never did," Beth replied plainly as the two girls crept over to their other team member and pulled the sack off his head.

"Hey! You guys finally came to save me!" Lightning excitedly.

"Where's the trunk?" Scarlett asked immediately.

"How should I know," the uber-jock shrugged, "Now hurry up and untie the Lightning!"

Beth quickly got to work on his wrists while the brainiac began to look around. "Ah _ha_!" she declared with excitement of her own before rushing over and ramming into one of the palms.

A sudden gasp got their attention, and the Gaffers turned their heads to see that B had arrived at the camp, and was looking at them with panic on his face.

"Sorry, B," Scarlett told the silent boy with a confident smile, "but you're too late." She shook the tree one more time, and the trunk fell down to the sand with a thud. Beth and the newly-free Lightning quickly rushed over to grab it by the handles, carrying it away as B sank to his knees in defeat.

"Time's up!" a sudden announcement came as the host walked into view along with the other castmates. "The Gaffers have stolen the chest, putting _them_ in the winner's circle." Sammy and Scarlett smiled, while Beth and Lightning stopped in their tracks a little ways away and looked back happily.

"That means," Chris added with a thumb towards other team while walking towards Beth and Lightning, "the Grips will be sending home one of their _own_ tonight. And now, it's time to reveal to the winners," a reverent tune began to play as a spotlight was placed on the trunk, "the _mind-blowing_ secrets within this trunk! Here's what you were fighting for, team!" The lid popped open, and Beth and Lightning looked inside.

Their grins rapidly faded away as the reverent music came to a sudden and scratchy stop. "All that _pain_," Lightning said with a shocked look as a lighter and more emotional melody began to play.

"All that _anger_," Beth added.

"Dude, what were _you_ angry about?" Lightning asked in mild offense. "_Lightning_ was the POW!"

"Still," Beth continued quickly, "all this _sadness_, and for what?"

"The trunk was _empty_ the whole time!" Lightning declared.

"The _horrors_ of _war_," Beth said, and the two shared a brief look before raising their heads and exclaiming "WHHYYY?!" Their anguished cry echoed throughout the camp.

/

A touching tune began to play as the scene flashed forward, most of the castmates shown heading for their trailers but DJ and Sammy hanging back.

"Congrats on winnin'," the gentle giant told his girlfriend. "And sorry for tacklin' you."

"Don't worry," Sammy told him with a smile, "I know it wasn't personal. Anyway, do you know who you'll be voting for tonight?"

DJ frowned. "I got a pretty good idea, yeah. But that reminds me," he smiled again as he reached inside his pocket. "I found the other half of your pendant," he told her, holding the item in question out to her.

Sammy's face lit up and she gasped, stepping forward and picking the pendant up. "Oh my gosh! Where was it?"

"Topher had it," DJ said, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck. "And a bunch of other stuff, too."

"Oh," Sammy said with a blank look. "Huh. I wonder if he got it when he bumped into me this morning?"

DJ shrugged. "The way he's been actin' I wouldn't put it past him. But more importantly," he said, taking the pendant back and placing it around Sammy's neck, "I think it's time _this_ was put back where it belongs." The two lovers blushed, then held out their individual pendants and put them together to form the full heart.

The camera slowly panned up to the setting sun above the film lot.

/

The Gilded Chris Ceremony began with all it's usual fanfare, and after the introduction the footage flashed straight on to the smiling host standing at his podium. "This one's a nail-biter," he told the five seated teens. "I'd say no one's safe tonight. Jo, how do you feel about _your_ chances?"

Deep and dramatic beats began to take over the background music as the camera cut over to the jock-ette, sitting on the highest level of the bleachers. "Honestly McLean, every good team needs a good leader," she said with a shrug. "But every good _leader_ needs good _followers_. Having all three of us go after the Gaffers was my mistake, but that doesn't excuse the others for _their_ failures."

"Then," the host continued, "there's B. Although you did _great_ on the first challenge, you couldn't stop the Gaffers from winning the second. Plus, your broken shoulder makes you a _bit_ of a liability. Will _you_ be the one sitting in the Lame-o-sine tonight?"

The silent genius, his lip trembling, looked down sadly.

"Topher!" Chris said with a broad smile. "Seems your teammates have decided you're something of a _thief_! Got anything to say for yourself?"

The pretty boy gulped and put on a confident grin. "Well obviously this all just one big _misunderstanding_," he said with just a trace of nervousness. "Besides, my team needs me! Who else has such _dashing_ good looks?" He shot a charming smile and wink at the camera.

"Alright then," the host announced, "votes have been tabulated!" A folded card parachuted into view next to him, and he quickly snatched it up and held it to his forehead without bothering to read its contents. The tension began to build in the music. "So, it's time to present the awards. Tonight, the Gilded Chris goes to...Dawn, DJ, and...Jo!" he said in succession, each name followed by the sound of an award being thrown and caught. "And now, only _two_ nominees left."

The background music picked up as the screen was split, with spotlights on Topher on the left and B on the right. "The final award goes to...," Chris said slowly as the two boys watched nervously. "B!"

The camera panned right slightly as the injured genius caught his golden statuette with his one good arm. "Wh-what?" Topher stammered in shock. "This is a _joke_, right Chris?"

"Sure isn't, Toph," the host said with a smile before the stunned pretty boy was grabbed by Chef and carried over the shoulder down the Walk of Shame.

/

The typically somber end-of-episode tune began to play as Topher was unceremoniously thrown into the waiting limousine by a stone-faced Chef Hatchet. The door slammed shut, the limo sped off, and the camera cut back to a close-up of the smiling host.

"Well, looks like Topher just couldn't handle the hardships of war," he told the camera. "The kid's got a long way to go before he's ready for _show business_, too. Catch you next time," he said with a salute, "on Total! Drama! Action!" He ended the salute and put his hands behind his back, then smiled as he said "At ease!"

(Fade to Credits)

/

/

/

**[Bonus Clip]**

Topher sighed and slumped against his seat. "I guess I should've seen this coming, huh?" he asked the camera. "This is what I get for not giving everything back the first chance I have. Maybe then I could've smoothed everything over, and it would be _B_ here instead of me."

He crossed his arms briefly and frowned. "You know if you think about it, this was pretty much all _Dawn's_ fault. If hadn't been for her, I never would have let that _secret_ slip out, and _then_ I wouldn't have gotten so worked up that I lost control and started automatically picking pockets again."

"And you know what the worst part is?" he said, leaning slightly towards the camera. "That I know exactly what _she's_ gonna say when I see her again." He raised his right hand into a rough mouth-shape, and began to imitate a female voice. "Ooooh~, looks like _somebody's_ up to his old _tricks_, hee hee hee. Gonna be hard to _replace_ Chris now, isn't it?"

He sputtered and rolled his eyes, ending the mimicry. "Like _she_ has anything to be proud of," he said before sulking. "At least I'll have some time to salvage my future career before the media gets to me."

Topher looked at the camera for a moment, then paled dramatically. "Wh-what do you mean, _aftermath_ show?" His eyes widened. "A _live_ interview?! Will Sierra be there?" He gasped and cringed. "She's getting interviewed _too_? Oh, this _really_ isn't good."

His breaths began to get quicker, then got deeper and heavier as she seemed to force himself to calm down. "Okay, no need to panic, Topher," he told himself. "You passed those PR Damage Control classes with flying colors. Anything she dishes out, you can handle. You just," he gulped, "might need to rethink your image a bit. Still," he sighed and looked straight at the camera with an unusually serious gaze, "if Sierra wants to play hardball, she'd better be prepared for the dirt _I_ have on _her_."

Topher leaned back, crossing his legs and putting his hands behind his head. "Make sure you watch _closely_, viewers, because that Aftermath's gonna be a _real_ battlefield."

* * *

**Author's Note - Post Script**

Well, I suppose I have a lot of explaining to do, since I know there are at least a few To[her fans that are angry and/or disappointed that he's gone. As I alluded to last week, this week's elimination was a very tough decision to make, and I'll be blunt in revealing that it was between Topher and B.

See, my original plan had B getting the boot this episode, with his injury being the main reason he was picked over Topher, who isn't well-liked among the Grips. The second Aftermath would then be used to tell Sierra's side of the story, setting up for Topher's side later on. I had planned on him then having a bit more storyline closer to the merge, and he would eventually be eliminated in 'Princess Pride'. In my mind, it was going to be a pretty great end for him.

Except that when reviewers began saying Topher wasn't really that relevant anymore since Sierra was gone, I ended up looking things over to see if I was making the right choices with him. It was only then that I realized that, as Topher was set to be eliminated in the fourth quarter of the series, he wouldn't actually get a chance to tell his side of the story since the final Aftermath doesn't have the time for them. Since I really, really wanted to have Topher be interviewed, this necessitated a change.

Sadly, there wasn't any good way to bump his elimination into the second quarter - most of those I was already 100% decided on, and there just wasn't any good places to justify his elimination without messing everything else up. So I considered bumping him up to this episode, and delaying B to a later (and currently undecided) date. Even then it was a difficult decision, but, well, it was eventually made.

I apologize if I disappointed anyone.

As for Topher's pickpocket skills, those were based on something that happened in canon. As you may remember in Pahkitew Island, Topher's plotline ended up with him stealing Chris' cellphone in his bid to take over the show. It was stolen when he deliberately bumped into Chris during a challenge, and when I saw that (and what came of it) I realized that Topher actually seems to have some thievery skills. Him having a criminal record in this series is just an extrapolation of that.

Eliminated contestant aside, the part of this chapter I'm most uncertain of is Sammy and DJ's subplot with the pendant. Even after editing a bit it seems kind of off, and I'm not entirely certain why. I don't exactly have any experience with things like that, so let me know what you thought of it!

Next week is the second Aftermath, and I can only hope it lvies up to the hype I've no doubt created. Until then!

\- Fangren

* * *

**Appendix: TSA Eliminated Contestants**

Geoff - (Tied for 14th Place)

Bridgette - (Tied for 14th Place)

Shawn - (13th Place)

Alejandro - (12th Place)

Sierra - (11th Place)

Beardo - (10th Place)

Topher - (9th Place)


	12. Chapter 12 - The Aftermath II

**Author's Note**

It's finally here! It's really kinda shocking to think that we're already at the second aftermath, and that I've already written half the season (special not included). Time really does fly, doesn't it?

As I said last week, this chapter was a pain to get right, but I managed to do it quite on time. As a result, episode thirteen hasn't been delayed the slightest - it was the smoothest to write in awhile, actually.

Still, I'm nervous about how this will be received - I really do think I did a great job on it, but I'm seeing it from my unique perspective as the author. I'm eager to hear what you all think of it!

But before that, there are reviews to be attended.

**FOWLKON:** Well, not quite kleptomania, at least how I understand the disorder. For Topher, it's more of a reflex or muscle memory he has when he bumps into someone while nervous. Interesting predictions as always, and you're certainly correct at how different this particular ended up compared to canon.

**JinxQueen:** Yeah, while writing the next episode I realized how useful Topher could have been in it. Oh well, what's done is done - I made the decision to eliminate him, and I'll be sticking to it.

**acosta perez jose ramiro:** Thanks, I'm glad you liked how I portrayed Beth and Topher.

**Zak Saturday:** Well then, I hope this chapter satisfies your curiosity!

**Ali6132:** That's a relief, knowing that I didn't do badly with last episode's DJammy scenes. And yeah, Topher's elimination was in part inspired by how Dawn was eliminated in canon, although with significantly less framing. As for Amy, she's in this week's Aftermath simply because Courtney was present for the canon version, and I saw no reason to change that. Other than that, thanks for the praise and the review, I'm glad you liked how I wrote several less-used characters!

**Madison Wooten/StarHeart Specials:** Thanks! I hope you like this episode! Oh, and congrats on getting an account!

**StayOuttaMyShed:** Haha, well, I'm glad the elimination wasn't obvious going into it. As for what I planned with Topher...well, remind me again around the first post-merge elimination, and I'll tell you. And I'm glad you liked the direction I decided to take Beth in! It stood out to me as something I really ought to do when I was watching the canon version of 'Full Metal Drama', where Beth basically acts as the smart one for the Grips. It seemed natural to have her, who's well fed up with being bossed around, develop a rivalry of sorts with Scarlett. For DJ, Sammy, and Dawn...yeah, that makes sense. Their plotline isn't over yet, and since the locket storyline was both a serious thing for them and an admittedly spur-of-the-moment addition from me (to further their relationship and develop Topher's pick pocketing), a part of me might have realized it was an odd sort of moment. And as for B...yeah, he's easily the most difficult character to write by far, solely because he doesn't speak. Him getting eliminated in 'The Princess Pride' is a possibility, but not a guarantee - he has a little bit more wiggle room compared to Topher because the latter was needed for a very specific reason that essentially forced him into the Princess slot.

**80jj:** Hey, I'm glad you're happy that B's sticking around for a bit more! And Topher isn't quite suffering from kelptomania, at least not how I understand it - which is more of an impulse control thing, whereas my intent was to portray Topher's pick pocketing as being more of a reflexive or muscle memory thing. I hope you like how this episode pans out!

**NewAgeHero:** Thanks! As for the details of Amy's returns, I'm afraid you'll have to wait until next week to find out.

**I. M. Poik:** Yes, you certainly were right about last week's elimination. As for this week and next week...well, you'll just have to read on!

**spader13:** Yeah, I figured my timing for Topher's pick pocket storyline wasn't quite right. I suppose that's one of the consequences of deciding so late to bump up his elimination. You're right about the pendant, especially since it was something that I came up while I was writing last episode - what, if anything, becomes of it I have little idea. I'm glad you liked the Scarlett-Beth rivalry, and don't worry about B - I'm going to make it a point to involve him more with the non-challenge parts of each episode. As for Topher telling his story via a tangent...I can't say more without spoiling my plans for the finale, but that really wouldn't have worked. Thanks for the suggestion though!

**Ddynamo:** Not quite kleptomania, but I've already explained my intent on that twice already. Interesting predictions regarding both Amy and the World Tour contestants...well, you'll have to wait to see how things turn out!

**Solarr-Eclipse:** Great to know I made your week! I hope things were better for you this week though. And yeah, Topher barely did anything in Pahkitew Island besides try to steal the show from Chris and interact with Jasmine that one time. He had a few good lines now and again, too. But that's it, and I can see why people wouldn't like him. At any rate, I'm glad you liked the previous episode!

**bruno14:** Hey, no problem. And I'm glad I inspired all the right feelings in you with the previous episode.

**Guest:** Well, not quite kleptomania as I've already said, but you're right in that Sierra and Topher's confrontation will hopefully live up to all the hype that's built up for it.

**OMAC001:** Topher's not quite kleptomaniac, but I'm glad to see so many people looking forward to this Aftermath!

**TrippyDerp:** Oh, I'll be sure to shake things up a bit, don't you worry. And you're right about Sierra and Topher - I was worried about what to do with them back in season one because, as you said, their canon gimmicks require the show to have done a few seasons already, but I'm quite glad with what I've been able to do with them. They both still annoy Chris a bit, but it's more subdued since the main focus with them is their rivalry, which has been a blast developing. Thanks for the review!

**Knifez:** Oh well, I didn't expect to please everybody with the last elimination. As I said, it was something I really struggled with - Topher had a solid late-game plot idea, but using it would mean depriving most of the readers (the ones who actually enjoy the Aftermaths, that is) of a moment I'm certain they would be looking forward to. On the bright side, it does basically force me to at last do something with B other than have him be useful in challenges. As for the other characters, your analysis is pretty spot-on, and because you're one of the few reviewers that actually gives me criticism I actually look forward to your reviews, more or less. It gives me an idea of what I still need to work on.

**Cole D. soul:** Don't worry about the criticism, it's something I need to face sooner or later. And with a chapter I knew was going to be a tad controversial, I was fully prepared for it. Hopefully this chapter will make up for Topher's boot, and that what I end up doing with B and the others is satisfactory as well.

**Identification:** I'm glad you liked both how I portrayed Topher, as well as the DJammy moments. Thanks for the review!

**Star Saber21:** Yup, clever challenge wins are pretty much B's thing. I'm glad you liked the episode, and I hope you enjoy this Aftermath as well.

And though it doesn't really matter this week, here's the list of remaining contestants:

Screaming Gaffers \- Scarlett, Lightning, Beth, Sammy

Killer Grips \- Jo, DJ, Dawn, B

We're at the second Aftermath, people! In other words, the halfway point of the plot, pretty much. Get ready for some confrontations!

\- Fangren

* * *

**Episode 12 – The Aftermath II: Battle of the Fans**

A familiar riff from an electric guitar began the episode, the letters of the 'TDA Aftermath' logo flashing and sliding into existence exactly as they had six episodes prior. A gleam of light swept across it, and the 'D' popped forward, rotating counterclockwise and snapping like a camera taking a picture.

xxx

"And, the final Gilded Chris goes to," Chris announced confidently as Lightning and Beardo were shown in a split-screen, "_Lightning_!"

All the Gaffers except Scarlett gasped, and the beatboxer made the sound of a record being rewound as he stood up. "You care to _repeat_ that?"

A flash skipped the scene ahead, showing Sammy leaning towards Beardo with an apologetic look on her face. "Oh...oh my gosh, I am _so_ sorry. You _have_ to believe me, it was an accident!"

xxx

The 'D' retreated briefly, then popped back out again before the next clip was shown.

A loud sneeze was heard as Jo, DJ, Dawn, and B watched with surprise from the amphitheater stands. The camera panned over to Topher and Sierra standing near the stage, the young woman with shock on her face and a bit of snot in her hands, while the young man looked at her smugly.

"And it looks like Topher is our winner!" Chris declared, tossing the final Gilded Chris to the boy, who caught it and sneezed.

Another flash took the scene to the inside of the Lame-o-sine. "Oooh, that sounds _sooo_ cool," Sierra said with a wide-eyed grin, clenching her fists in her excitement. "I can't wait to get interviewed! I'll let all the Total Drama fans out there know what kind of person Topher _really_ is!"

xxx

The 'D' repeated it's standard motion, retreating briefly before popping back out as a transition to the next clip.

Topher drummed his fingers nervously on the make-up confessional's counter, his eyes not meeting the camera for a few seconds. "Yeah, the _last_ thing I need right now is to have people interested in my secrets. Not, uh, that I'm _hiding_ anything," he added with a nervous chuckle. "It's just that I have a future _career_ to keep in mind, I don't need people knowing about my criminal rec-" He stopped himself in mid-syllable, his eyes wide and mouth agape. Without a word, he scrambled out of the camera's view and the footage cut to static.

xxx

For a fourth and final time, the logo's 'D' performed its transitional sequence.

The split-screen from the previous episode's elimination was shown, the camera panning to the right as B gratefully received his award. "Wh-what?" Topher stammered in shock. "This is a _joke_, right Chris?"

"No it is not, Toph," the host said with a smile before the stunned pretty boy was grabbed by Chef and carried over the shoulder down the Walk of Shame.

The scene flashed once more, showing the handsome boy sitting in the limousine of losers. "If Sierra wants to play hardball," he told the camera with an unusually serious gaze, "she'd better be prepared for the dirt _I_ have on _her_."

The 'D' was shown again, now as a signal of the recap's end.

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be...famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be...famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

The Aftermath introduction was replayed, this time cutting to the studio as the audience cheered and applauded. Sam and Dakota were already on the host's couch, and the seats on stage left had been filled by Sugar, Ezekiel, Scott, Geoff, and Bridgette in the top row, and Amy, Staci, Alejandro, and Shawn in the bottom.

"Hey, everyone!" Dakota opened, smiling widely and blowing the audience a kiss. "I'm Dakota!"

"And I'm Sam!" the gamer added. "So cool to have you all back for another episode of the Aftermath."

"I hope you're all ready for the latest dirt on Total! Drama! _Action_!" Dakota said, raising her hands excitedly as the crowd went wild again.

"Man, I haven't heard so much _love_ since the credits of Empire Destroyer 4!" Sam said with a chuckle that was met by sudden drop in the audience's applause.

"I know what you mean!" Dakota added quickly. "It's such a _shame_ that today won't be all about the love, right?"

"Yeah," the gamer said dryly. "I bet we're gonna see a lotta _hate_ around here, considering who's gonna be joining us."

"Ooh, that's true," the heiress squealed as the camera pulled back enough to show the hanging television above them. "Not only do we have _Beardo_," she said as the beatboxer's face appeared on the viewing screen and the crowd began to cheer, "but Sierra _and_ Topher are here too!" The screen split to show the two rivals glaring angrily at one another, and the cheering intensified.

"Plus, we've got our friends from first season joining us here in the VIP section," Sam added. "Hey to Staci," the camera cut to the chubby girl who smiled and waved at it happily, "Ezekiel," the homeschooler grinned, "Sugar," the pageant queen waved and blew kisses, "Scott," the farmboy sneered, "and Amy!" The mean twin rolled her eyes when the crowd began to boo.

"Not to mention our guests from last episode," Dakota told the camera when it cut back to her and Sam, "Geoff, Bridgette, Shawn, and Alejandro!"

The crowd began to cheer again as the four were shown smiling and waving at the end of their rows. "Wow, Alejandro," Staci said, leaning towards the charmer and batting her eyes, "I'm like so totally excited that you're here, yah."

"Umm, _thanks_," Alejandro told her, raising an eyebrow as Bridgette giggled in the row above him. "Although I can't really say the same..."

"So," Sam said as the camera panned back to him and Dakota, "since we last saw you we've had three eliminations as _shocking_ as the alternate ending of Days of War!"

Dakota rolled her eyes and pursed her lips, then quickly added "Haha, yeah. Any thoughts on some _recent_ developments, Amy?" with an impish look towards the cheerleader.

"Umm, I've been advised _not_ to comment right now," Amy answered with a poisonous smile.

"Wow," the hostess said with a knowing look at the camera. "Shawn, what about you?"

The survivalist, who had been looking around nervously, turned his head towards the hosts and shrugged. "Honestly, most of what went down was probably gonna happen _eventually_," he told the young woman. "The _main_ thing that surprised me was B breaking his shoulder."

"Really?" Alejandro asked incredulously. "Weren't you at all surprised by Beardo's elimination?"

Shawn tapped his jaw in thought. "Yeah, good point. I don't think anyone saw _that_ coming."

The shot cut back over to Dakota as she giggled. "Yup, we've sure had a _wild_ few episodes, haven't we? The _prison_ movie, the _hospital_ drama, the haunted _set_..."

"Not to mention the disaster and _war_ movies!" Sam added to a few cheers from the audience. "With all that terror and destruction, I hope the others got a few levels and some sweet _loot_ from all that!" He chuckled again, and the cheers petered out quickly.

"Haha, it's challenges like _those_ that make me _so_ glad I wasn't a contestant this season," Dakota said quickly. "I mean come _on_, can you imagine _me_ having to eat that _prison_ food? Talk about dis-_gross_-ting!" She punctuated her remark with an exaggerated shudder that got the crowd laughing.

"I think you'd have to have like a plus-four stomach of _steel_ to handle _that_ food," the gamer said, and for once the audience kept laughing. "I really gotta sympathize with B the most. Having to go through all that, _and_ getting his shoulder busted?" He shook his head in sympathy as the audience murmured. "Talk about you major game-enders!"

"_Soo_ true," Dakota nodded. "And that's barely the beginning! Coming up we've got _loads_ more moments of pain and hits like you've _never_ seen," she said as the cheering began again. "It's time for 'That's Gonna Leave a Mark'!"

The segment's introductory sequence played, unchanged from the previous aftermath: several 'filmstrips' depicting various impacts and injuries to the contestants scrolled across the screen set to a grand theme. The crowd began to laugh as never-before-seen clips began to play, all set to a campy tune.

First was Sammy stumbling around the hospital set with her arms outstretched, believing she had been blinded. She walked straight into Scarlett, causing the brainiac to glare and rub her head. Sammy then walked back a few steps, and was run over by a viciously smiling Lightning in his quarantine bubble.

Next, B was shown getting rolled into the ambulance after his injury. As the other castmates watched, the ambulance sped off but the doors swung back open, causing the silent boy's stretcher to drop out. It rolled towards the teens, stopping just in front of a manhole before it partially collapsed and B slid down into the sewer with a splash.

The third clip was short, showing Jo admiring the net she'd used during the war challenge. She grabbed it by the middle and gave it a few twirls, but it quickly got tangled around her legs and she tripped.

Fourth was set during the prison challenge, the camera focused on Lightning as he wildly dug at the front of his team's tunnel. The shot panned to the left, showing Sammy and Scarlett coughing as they were covered by dirt. To top it all off, the golden shovel suddenly slipped out of Lightning's hands and struck Sammy on the head.

The scene then flashed back to the hosts on their couch. "Sam, you _need_ to knock it off with the video game jokes, okay?" Dakota whispered to her boyfriend, unaware that the camera was on her.

"I'm sorry!" Sam said. "You told me that if I stuck with what I knew, it'd make me more comfortable!"

"That doesn't mean making jokes nobody _gets_!" Dakota countered. "Seriously, you're _embarrassing_ me!"

The audience gasped. "Uh, hey, dudes?" Geoff said from his seat to the side. "Gotta say, that was one great montage of _pain_!"

"Oh, uh, right!" Sam said quickly as he and Dakota realized they were back live.

"Sure was," Dakota said, forcing a laugh with wide eyes. The audience began to laugh a bit as well, and the heiress regained her composure. "Hey, did you all see B go down? Talk about _ouch_ am I right?"

Footage began on the hanging television as the campy tune resumed, starting with a shot of Chef Hatchet's giant manifesto flying towards the camera. The viewpoint shifted just as a gaping B was struck in his right shoulder, and the scene paused right as he began to fall off the wall he'd been clinging to.

"Oof," Sam grunted as a red circle was drawn around B's pained expression, "if he could talk I bet we'd have to _censor_ him right then."

The footage unpaused, and the silent boy fell across the balance beam in slow motion. "And that can _not_ be good for his back," Dakota added as the camera zoomed in on the point of impact between the log-like beam and B.

"Ooh, and then we have _this_ little gem," the blonde said as the scene changed to a clip of Beardo running out of the craft services in fear. Too preoccupied with screaming, he ended up running right into the corner of a picnic table – and was hit at groin-level. He fell to the ground with his hands over the affected area, crying and moaning in pain. "That _had_ to hurt," Dakota said as a red circle was drawn around the beatboxer's face.

The feed cut back to the studio as the audience applauded and the hanging television cut to static. "Poor guy. How 'bout we check in on him and see how he's holding up?" Dakota asked the crowd right before the hanging television cut to the room backstage.

Beardo was sitting on the couch in the middle of the room calmly eating snacks while Sierra and Topher stood with their backs firmly to each other on opposite sides of the room. "You two know you're gonna have to look at each other _sometime_, right?" he asked the two rivals after swallowing a small sandwich.

"No," the two said at the same time.

The beatboxer shrugged and laid back in his seat, putting a hand to his lips and making a sort of wailing trombone sound. "Whatever. For once, I'm _glad_ I'm the opening act. Means less pressure on me. Plus, I _know_ people are gonna be on my side."

"Hey, are you saying that people _won't_ agree with me?" Topher asked sharply, turning around and narrowing his gaze at the hairy boy. "Because once they hear what I have to say, there's not a person in that audience that won't be on my side."

Sierra snorted. "As _if_," she said dismissively, turning towards the boy at the same time he turned his back. "All you're gonna do is make people hate you even _more_. It doesn't take a _rocket scientist_ to see what a terrible person you are."

"Yeah, well, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see what a terrible person _you_ are!" Topher countered, turning back around in the same instant Sierra turned her back to him.

"True," Beardo said dryly as he put his hands behind his head, "I can see from here that you're _both_ pretty terrible. Don't you think you should save it for the interview, though?" he asked them, pointing straight at the camera.

"That's _on_?!" the two said, simultaneously looking at it with shock as the shot cut back to the studio, the three eliminated castmates still on the hanging screen.

"Don't listen to a _thing_ he says!" Sierra said, rushing up to the backstage camera.

"Don't listen to a _thing_ she says!" Topher said, rushing up to the backstage camera.

A mixture of laughs, cheers, and boos came from the audience, and Dakota giggled as the camera focused in on her and Sam. "Sorry Total Drama fans, but you'll have to _wait_ to see more of _those_ two."

"Before we bring out our first guest," Sam said, "let's take a look at his journey on the show." He motioned back up to the other screen, which cut to static and then to a series of clips.

"Beardo started out as a strong contender this season," Dakota said as the human soundboard was shown escaping from the giant monster alongside B, then winning the footrace to the cast trailers.

"With all the movie themes, it seemed like a sure thing his awesome _beatboxing_ skills were gonna come in handy," Sam added over a quick montage of the various sound effects Beardo had made throughout the season.

"And since he got picked for the same team as his close friend Beth," Dakota said over a clip of Beardo walking over to the newly-formed Screaming Gaffers and bumping fists with the dorky girl and a few other shots of the pair together, "it really seemed like that twosome was gonna take this season by storm."

"_Especially_ once they befriended Sammy," the gamer said over several other shot of the cheerleader speaking with either Beardo or Beth. "Even when things weren't looking so _hot_ for him," Sam continued as the beatboxer was shown getting covered in slime, missing the horse he and Beth were trying to land on, and speaking in 'tongues', "his alliance seemed like it would take him all the way to the top."

"But then _tragedy_ struck," Dakota said with feigned sadness as Beardo was shown running from Jo pretending to be a ghost. "After a few jokes and being the first to _freak_ in the horror challenge, Beardo found himself with a pretty big enemy." A close-up of Lightning glaring at something was shown. "Two votes against him was bad enough, but a freaky _accidental_ vote from his ally Sammy sealed the deal." Beardo's elimination was shown briefly, including the close-up of the nice twin's voting device as it glitched out.

The footage cut to static and the scene cut back to the studio, the camera panning back down to the hosts. "Our guest is known for imitating every sound imaginable, is afraid of needles, and once won a dodgeball game with the power of his voice," Dakota said, "give a _warm_ welcome to Beardo!"

She motioned towards stage right as the Aftermath theme began to play, and the hairy beatboxer walked out to roaring applause. "Yoooo," he said slowly, waving at the audience and camera. He exchanged a fist bump with Sam, leaned over to hug Dakota, and sat down.

"Yo, man," the gamer greeted. "I gotta ask Beardo, how are you feeling after everything that went down?"

Dakota giggled. "Well, he's gotta be pretty _bummed_, right? He _did_ lose his chance at winning after all."

Beardo made a descending slide whistle note, or something similar. "Yeah, that's basically right. Total Drama Action was my big chance to hit it big," he told the hosts before rubbing his neck awkwardly and adding "Well, my _second_ big chance at least. But after _last_ season, I figured I'd play more carefully and win that million."

"Yeah, getting an unexpected game over is a pretty awful experience," Sam told him. "But look on the bright side, at least you still have your friends and integrity."

Beardo gave him a small ding and nod of admittance.

"Friends and integrity are nice," Dakota said, "but I can't believe you're already cool after getting booted out so _suddenly_. Most people would still be upset."

"I know _I_ would be," Sugar chimed in from the peanut gallery. "I would _not_ tolerate what Samey did to you if I were you and you were...uhh...somethin' else." The shot moved back to Beardo raising an eyebrow at her.

"Ooh, good point!" Dakota said, drawing the focus back to her. "Sorry Beardo, but _I_ smell a lie. And you know what we do to liars!" She shot a mischievously cute look at the camera while speaking with a singsong voice.

The shot pulled out and the music turned tense as an anvil swung down from the ceiling on a rope. "That's right," Dakota said as the heavy thing came to a rest mere inches above Beardo's head, "it's 'Truth or _Anvil_'!"

A grand tune played over a receding shot of a golden statue of the Lady of Justice. The crowd cheered, and both applause and music came to an abrupt end when a large anvil was dropped on the statue, smashing it to bits.

Beardo immediately made an alarmed dinging as the audience resumed clapping.

"Hold on," Sam asked his girlfriend, "wasn't it 'Truth or _Hammer_' last time? What happened to that?"

"Oh, _that_," Dakota answered with a dismissive hand wave. "It was the producer's idea to add more drama to the show. More _Total Drama_," she emphasized with a giggle as a cheesy game show tune played and the crowd went wild.

"Hold up," Beardo said with a nervous look upwards, the viewpoint changing to show the anvil dangling precariously on its rope. "Are you two sayin' that things gonna drop on me if I lie?"

"Pretty much," Dakota told him with a sort of helpless shrug.

"Uh, isn't this a bit _much_ for an upgrade?" Sam asked his co-host. "The difficulty level seems a little too _high_, all things considered."

"What, you think I'm gonna have trouble tellin' the truth?" Beardo asked, casting an accusatory look at the gamer.

"No!" Sam said quickly and defensively. "I just meant that the penalty for _failing_ outweighs the reward you get for _succeeding_! It's, like, _basic_ video game level design!"

Dakota giggled. "Too bad this _isn't_ a video game! Now," she looked at Beardo, "don't you think what Sammy did to you was just _horrible_?"

Beardo scratched the back of his neck and looked away sheepishly. "Well, I can't say I'm not _mad_ at her for what happened," he said with his eyes on the anvil swaying above him, "but I don't think it was _horrible_. From what I can tell, it really was _just_ an accident. She shoulda paid closer attention to who she was _votin_' for, but I've basically forgiven her. There's nothin' else to it."

"You can't be _serious_!" Alejandro exclaimed suddenly, drawing a gasp from the audience and peculiar looks from those seated around him. "Surely I am not the _only one_ who has seen it?" he asked, looking around with a pleading look on his face.

"Seen what, exactly?" Sam asked.

"Beardo's elimination!" the charmer exclaimed. "Didn't _anybody_ notice something strange?"

Sam, Dakota, and Beardo shared an odd look before turning it on Alejandro. The handsome boy sighed and palmed his face. "Look, just play the clip and I'll point it out to you."

"Umm...okay?" Dakota said, sharing a bewildered look with her boyfriend and shrugging. She motioned back up to the hanging television, which quickly switched from static to the over-the-shoulder view of Sammy's vote.

It had barely gotten to the temporarily blank on the voting device when Alejandro objected. "No, not _that_ clip! What I'm talking about happened _earlier_, when the final Gilded Chris was handed out!"

"Uhh...okay?" Sam said slowly, looking at his girlfriend. "I guess we might as well roll that clip too."

Alejandro nodded in self-assurance, and the camera panned back up to the other screen just as it cut from static to the footage in question.

/

"And, the final Gilded Chris _goes_ to," Chris announced as the music began to peak and the two boys were shown in a split-screen, the beatboxer looking more confident than the athlete, "_Lightning_."

The music took a sudden, loud twist as everyone excepted Scarlett gasped, and the brainiac smirked very slightly.

/

The clip paused at that instant, and the shot cut to Alejandro looking up at it with an excited look on his face. "See?" he said, pointing a finger up at the screen. He received only blank looks from the hosts, and groaned. "Very well," he said while walking over to the central couch, "it seems I must point out the _obvious_." Dakota gave him an uncomfortable look as he bent down in front of the display on the table in front of her.

The camera focused back on the paused clip, showing four of the Gaffers in mid-gasp – all except Scarlett, whose hint of a smirk was quickly circled.

"See?!" Alejandro exclaimed as the scene cut back to the studio. "She was _expecting_ it!"

Beardo mimicked the sound of a puck ascending a carnival strength tester and ringing the bell at the top while raising his hand. "Question," he said when Alejandro looked at him. "Isn't that just because Scarlett _voted_ for me?"

"Except if both the cheerleader twin señorita and Scarlett's _confessional_ are to be believed," the arch-villain explained, "then Scarlett should have had _no_ reason to expect that you would be going home. She ought to have been just as surprised as the rest of you! Clearly, _one_ of them must be lying!"

A short dramatic score accompanied the accusation, and the audience gasped.

"Oooh," Dakota squealed, "I almost hate to say it, but Al might have figured out something _juicy_! So tell us," she said to the charmer who was glaring lightly at her, "what do you think happened?"

Alejandro opened his mouth, but Beardo interrupted with the sound of a car screeching to a halt. "For the record, I'm not gonna buy you sayin' that Sammy voted for me on purpose. I just can't see her workin' with Lightning and Scarlett to get rid of me."

"But what else could it be?" Sam asked, interrupting Alejandro again. "Maybe, I don't know, Scarlett _tricked _her somehow?"

"Not that I'd put it past Scarlett," Beardo replied, "cause that girl is _seriously_ strange, but if she'd told Sammy some made-up reason to get rid of me, I think Sammy woulda said something about it once I was voted off."

The gamer crossed his arms and frowned. "Huh, good point."

Alejandro tried to speak yet again, only for Dakota to start first. "Plus, I'm pretty sure Sammy would have said something in a confessional, and as far as I've been told the only unaired confessional footage we have of her is all stuff like her gushing about DJ, or saying how happy she is to be away from her sister."

"Then what _exactly_ is goin' on?" Beardo asked, turning an expectant look towards Alejandro.

"As I was about to _say_," the charmer said with a hint of annoyance, "I don't believe Sammy intentionally voted for you. Rather, I find it fairly obvious that Scarlett found a way to rig her voting device _directly_ so that she'd vote for you no matter what."

Beardo, the hosts, the audience, and everyone else gasped. The beatboxer made the sound of a rewinding tape, and was the first to speak. "You wanna repeat that?" he asked the arch-villain. "'Cause I coulda sworn you just said Scarlett _cheated_!"

"That is more or less what I said, yes," Alejandro replied, and another round of gasps filled the room.

"Sorry, but that seems kinda _farfetched_ to me," Sam said. "I mean, wouldn't the producers have done something if she'd tampered with the votes?"

"Yeah," Dakota chimed in, "especially after they punished Chef for making deals with you and DJ."

"And Scarlett _too_, I might add," Alejandro corrected. "For all we know, the producers were in on it! Rigging the votes in order to stir up drama!"

"Why?" Dakota asked incredulously. "There's already tons of drama on the show, it's called 'Total Drama' for a _reason_!"

Alejandro grit his teeth. "Then maybe they just didn't know about it! The cameras can't catch _everything_!"

Beardo snorted and laughed. "Uh, dude, did you already forget what this show's like? Half the time they film us on the _can_, there's no way they aren't lookin' over everybody's shoulder when it comes to votin'."

"But it's the only thing that makes _sense_!" Alejandro exclaimed, gesticulating wildly. "Why doesn't anyone else believe that Scarlett's _up_ to something?"

"Whoa there, brother," Geoff said suddenly as he and Shawn walked up to Alejandro from behind. "I think its time for you to chill."

"Yeah," Shawn said, "you're starting to sound a little _paranoid_. Maybe you should go lie down."

"Good idea," Dakota said. Alejandro looked at her and the others for a moment, then huffed and walked back past the peanut gallery with Geoff and Shawn.

"Well...that was, uh, _interesting_...," Sam said awkwardly.

"Looks like it ate up most of your _interview time_," Dakota told Beardo after a glance at her table display. "Sorry about that. I think we can squeeze in one more question, but then we have to go to break."

"Fine with me," Beardo shrugged.

Dakota giggled and turned her attention back to her table display. "Excellent! And I have the _perfect_ viewer question, too. Just keep in mind what's gonna happen if you lie, okay?"

Beardo shot a sudden nervous glance at the anvil above his head.

"Okay, BlueBearXV asks...," the hostess began to read, "'Beardo: are you crushing on any of the other Total Drama guys?'"

"Uhh," the hairy boy began, rubbing the back of his neck anxiously as tension built in the background music, "the thing with that is, although the guys on the show have their..._good points_, I'm just not that into any of 'em."

The music peaked as the anvil was shown again, it's rope creaking ominously. Beardo noticed just before it snapped, and jumped out of the way as the anvil destroyed the couch he'd been sitting on.

He gave several disjointed alarm bells and whistles, his eyes wide. "How the heck did that even _count_?" he exclaimed as he got back to his feet. "All I have is a _small_ crush on B, okay?" he told the audience, holding up his fingers to emphasize the small size. "Brother's _cute_, and unlike most of the others he's not a _jerk_ either. But I'm not even gonna _bother_ askin' a guy who doesn't talk out, especially when I don't even know if he even likes _anybody_!"

"Huh," Sam said plainly. "Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever _seen_ B acting like he was crushing on someone. Geoff, Zeke, Scott," he called over to the former Killer Bass boys in the peanut gallery, where Alejandro was now noticeably absent, "you guys notice anything from B last season?"

"Nope," Ezekiel said with a few taps on his chin and a small shrug.

"Like I paid attention to _him_," Scott sneered.

"I always thought the dude had somethin' for Scarlett," Geoff shrugged, "but I'm pretty sure I was _wrong_ about that."

"Well," Sam said, turning back to Beardo, "I guess you've got as good a shot as any." The beatboxer only shrugged nonchalantly.

"And on that _interesting_ note," Dakota said, leaning towards the camera as it focused on her and a modified version of the Aftermath theme began to play, "I think it's time we took a short break." She winked, and the crowd went wild.

The scene faded into the TDA Aftermath logo, and the 'D' popped out at the screen once again.

(Break for Commercial and Back)

The episode returned with another flash of the Aftermath logo, and a montage of clips from 'The Dawnshank Redemption' began to play. Sierra's dramatic sneeze onto Topher's spoon just as the boy was putting it into his mouth was first, and was followed shortly after by the ensuing stream of vomit that coated the super-fan. Sierra's post-challenge freak-out was shown after that.

The montage clips skipped ahead to the next part of the challenge, focusing on the two rivals as they began to fight in the laundry cart. A bag hit Sierra on the back of the head, and the footage slowed down slightly as she was propelled forward into a forced kiss with Topher. Their cart crashed, sending most of the Grips flying, and the montage ended with Topher and Sierra wrestling on the ground. The camera pulled back out from the screen to the studio.

An intern was shown hauling the broken couch away, Beardo now sitting casually in the back row behind a fresher piece of furniture.

"Okay, I cut out most of the video game jokes," Sam told Dakota in a hushed voice. "Are you _happy_ now?"

"Kind of," the heiress replied. "Just...try to keep in mind what the _viewers_ want to see, okay?" she told him with a casual gesture towards the camera.

"Oh, yeah, huhuh," Sam chuckled nervously as he saw that the show was back live. "Welcome back to the Aftermath!" he said in a slightly stilted manner.

"We just finished talking with Beardo," Dakota told the camera with a confident smile, the scene quickly panning over to show the beatboxer giving the audience as small wave. "Now it's time to meet our second guest, and I just _know_ you're all excited to hear what she has to say."

The camera panned back up to the hanging television as its feed cut from static to a montage of Sierra-based clips. "Our second guest started off as somewhat of an, uh, _underdog_," Sam said as the scene of the super-fan getting dragged down to the Dock of Shame in the same balloon basket as Shawn, Bridgette, and Geoff at the end of the inter-season special was shown, "best known for her rivalry with Topher over their fan-worship of _Chris McLean_ of all people." The two rivals were shown trying to step off the bus that had brought them to the film lot at the same time, growling at each other and eventually squeezing out into the open. This was quickly followed by the clip of them getting caught by the animatronic monster together and being very unhappy about it.

"That rivalry seemed ready to _explode_ when a strategic move by Scarlett forced Shawn to pick both for his team," Dakota added as the bald survivalist awkwardly pointed at Sierra, the footage skipping forward a little to show Topher shocked that Scarlett had picked Beardo over himself, then grudgingly going over to join the new Killer Grips.

"It was almost too bad, though, when the two decided on a _truce_ during their first challenge as teammates," the hostess continued as the two were shown tersely shaking hands while Dawn mediated.

"It didn't really last that _long_, actually, since they lost the challenge and all," Sam said as the footage cut briefly back to the studio. "And Sierra _barely_ managed to escape elimination by allying with Jo," he added as the recap montage resumed, showing the two young women talking in the trailer together.

"Things were looking _up_ for Sierra," Dakota said over a series of short clips of the super-fan sneezing, "until a summer cold and the prison challenge brought her and Topher's rivalry back in full force." The two's bitter arguments throughout that episode were replayed as well, culminating in their accidental kiss being showed a second time.

"Gotta say, their teammates seemed _pretty_ mad," Sam said with a chuckle over shots of the other Grips glaring or looking annoyed. "Heck, the vote even ended up _tied_!"

"Too bad for Sierra, though," Dakota said as a quick clip of the tall girl's final loss and elimination played. "She became the first person to _ever_ lose a Total Drama tiebreaker!" The footage cut to static as the shot moved back to the studio, the hanging television retreating into the ceiling as the audience clapped.

"Our next guest is the President of the Chris McLean Junior Fan Club," Sam announced, "knows _everything_ about the man, and honestly kinda creeps me out a little," he finished with an awkward look, "give it up for Sierra!"

He motioned to the backstage entrance as the audience cheered and the Aftermath theme began to play. Sierra jumped out with a flourish, waved and squealed and blew kisses to the crowd. Beardo rolled his eyes as she excitedly dashed over to the couch. "Oh em gee I am _sooo_ excited to be here!" she said, drawing the hosts into a close and powerful hug. "You guys have _no_ idea how lucky you are to be doing something like this."

"Thank you!" Dakota said as she and Sam were let go.

"Yeah, thanks," the gamer added with less enthusiasm. "So, uh, how are you feeling now that you've had a few days away from the show?"

"Well, I got over my _cold_ pretty fast," Sierra answered with a giggle, earning a few laughs from the crowd. "But more importantly, I guess I'm mostly just disappointed. I really thought I was going _far_ this season, but then half my teammates stabbed me in the back!"

"That _did_ seem pretty harsh," Dakota told her with a sympathetic nod. "Especially since you _barely_ lost that tiebreaker!"

Sierra nodded. "Yeah, totally. The only thing that makes up for it is knowing _Topher_," her friendly demeanor briefly faded as she spat out the name, "was eliminated not too long after!"

"Speaking _of_," Dakota said with a knowing look at the camera, "I think it's totally about time you answered the question that's been on everyone's minds since season one: What's the deal with you and Topher anyway?"

The super-fan sighed dramatically. "That's a pretty good question, Dakota. We weren't _always_ at each other's throats."

As the heiress nodded eagerly, Sam cleared his throat. "Uhh," he said awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck, "not sure why _I'm_ the one bringing this up, but you should try not to lie or an anvil's gonna fall on you." The camera followed his pointing finger up to the anvil, once again dangling above the guest couch on a rope.

"Oooh, _dangerous_," Sierra said with an odd grin. "But anyway," she continued without a second glance upward, "as I was saying, we even used to be _friends_! See, we met a few years ago on what's now the 'Celebrity Manhunt' online message boards. Believe it or not, most people our age aren't really _in_ to Chris McLean," the host were briefly shown exchanging an awkward look, "so it was super exciting to meet another young fan of his."

"I know how you feel," Sam told her. "It's always great to know you aren't the _only_ one who likes something."

"Unfortunately," Sierra sighed, "that turned out to be a big fat _lie_. Imagine my shock when he told me that he wanted to be the _next_ Chris McLean!"

Despite a handful of gasps from the audience, the two hosts looked at their guest blankly. "Uh, sorry, I'm just not really seeing what the _problem_ is." Sam said.

"Not seeing the _problem_?!" Sierra spluttered. "_Obviously_, you've never been a true _fan_ before. The problem is that Chris McLean isn't a _title_, he's a _star_. You can't _be_ the next Chris, it's like trying to replace the irreplaceable! You might as well just say you wanna _kill_ him and take over his life!"

"Don't people who say that kinda thing just mean they wanna be _like_ their idol or whatever?" Sam asked.

"Pfft, shows what _you_ know," Sierra replied, rolling her eyes and crossing her arms. "If you call yourself a fan, then that means knowing that whatever or whoever you're a fan _of_ is unique! Trying to be _like_ them is one thing, but trying to _be_ them is just downright disgusting!"

"So, once you realized this is how Topher really, um, _felt_," Dakota asked, "you started to hate him, right?"

"Well," Sierra began, tilting her head to the side while she thought, "_mostly_. But there's more to it than that. See, one of the first things I found out about him is that he's actually, like, _super_ good at picking pockets. In fact, he used to be part of a _gang_ that conned people by day, and _robbed_ people by night."

The audience and Dakota gasped. "Wow, I never would have guessed!" the hostess said in shock.

"Mmm-hmm," Sierra nodded, "it's true. So when we finally met irl at the Chris McLean Fan Club picnic-slash-fundraiser, I _knew_ he was gonna be trouble."

"Ooh, what did he _do_?" Dakota asked expectantly, leaning in front of her anxious-looking co-host.

"He stole, like, _everyone's_ wallets, plus the envelope the fundraiser money was in," Sierra explained. "The cops never _did_ find the money," she told them with a few thoughtful taps of her chin, "but even though he kept saying it wasn't him it was _obvious_ he did it. So," she shrugged playfully, "I helped make sure they threw that _scumbag_ in juvie where he belongs!"

"Good on you for catching a thief," Dakota told her with a smile.

"Uhh, but what if he didn't do it?" Sam asked, immediately earning a glare from the guest. "I mean," he added defensively, "if the money was never found, then for all _we_ know you got a technically innocent guy locked up!"

Sierra snorted. "Like _he_ could ever be _innocent_," she said matter-of-factly. "And besides, that's not all he's done, oh no. He's _also_ the reason why my mom and I were homeless for nearly two years."

Another sharp gasp came from the audience, hosts, and majority of the peanut gallery. "He _wasn't_!" Dakota said in shock.

"He _was_," Sierra repeated with a nod. "You see, my mom is pretty much Chris' _biggest_ fan," she told the hostess, "and she would do just about _anything_ for him. So when one of Chris' old bandmates started _trash-talking_ him on the internet, my mom and I made it our mission to dig up the truth."

"That didn't involve digging through somebody's _garbage_, did it?" Sam asked dryly with a look of mild disgust.

"A little, yeah," Sierra answered offhandedly. "But anyways, before the article my mom wrote about it for 'Star Stalker Magazine' was published, I _kinda_ made the mistake of talking about it online."

"Let me guess," Sam interrupted, "Topher found out about it, told the guy it was about, and your mom got sued for, I dunno, slander or something?"

"Wow, how'd you know?" the obsessive super-fan said with a bit of awe in her voice.

"Uhh, lucky guess, I guess," the gamer shrugged without looking her in the eye.

"But yeah, my mom _totally_ lost that lawsuit," Sierra explained, "so she couldn't make rent on our apartment since we didn't really have any money left. And of course nobody was willing to hire her so soon after the scandal, so it was pretty long before she found work again. Honestly those twenty-two months were the _worst_, you have no _idea_."

"Wow," Dakota said with a somewhat dumbfounded look, "looks like you have a _really_ good reason to hate Topher then!"

"Like I've always said, he's a _really_ bad person," Sierra said. "There's some other things about him that annoy me too, like how he's always chasing after guys in the most _obnoxious_ way possible, but that stuff's pretty minor compared to what I already told you."

Once again, nearly everyone present gasped. "Hold on," Sam said, "are you saying that Topher likes dudes?"

"Well _duh_," Sierra said with her hands on her hips, "he's _gay_. He kinda _has_ to like other guys."

"Wow, I did _not_ see that one coming," Dakota said.

Sierra looked perplexed, and Sam quickly explained. "Yeah, nobody here actually _knew_ Topher was gay. And honestly, it seems like something he wanted to keep _secret_."

"Why?" the super-fan asked. "It's not like that _changes_ anything."

"Umm, yeah it does!" the man in question said, appearing suddenly at the backstage entrance with a short but dramatic line of music.

The audience gasped. "Umm, hellooo?" Dakota said indignantly. "We haven't called you out yet!"

"Like I'm just gonna wait backstage while _Sierra_ slanders my good image," Topher shot back.

"Uhh...," Sam said nervously, looking from Dakota to Sierra to Topher as the two girls glared fiercely at the young man. "Topher, everyone!" the gamer announced with a wave towards the new guest as the Aftermath theme began to play.

Topher approached the guest couch with his arms crossed and a frown on his face while the crowd booed him, but lingered a couple feet away from it. "Honestly, you people should be _ashamed_ of yourselves," he turned and told the audience. "Believing her _lies_ without any proof! I thought I was coming on a show with an audience that wasn't completely _gullible_, but I guess I was wrong."

"What _lies_?" Sam asked as Topher took a seat at the end of the guest couch closest to the host, forcing Sierra to move further down. "Sierra had to be telling the truth the whole time, otherwise the anvil would have squashed her like a low-level enemy in most platformers!"

"_Please_," Topher scoffed," Sierra exists in her own deluded little _world_, you can't expect lie-detectors to work with her!"

The super-fan gasped indignantly. "I am living in the _real_ world, thank you very much," she spat. "_You're_ the one who's _delusional_."

"Oh really?" Topher asked mockingly. "Then prove it! Which of Chris' films _best_ shows off his good looks?"

Sierra rolled her eyes and snorted. "_Duh_, it's _obviously_ 'Fametown: The Movie'."

Topher chuckled lowly and shook his head. "See?" he told the hosts. "This is what I'm talking about! _Everyone_ knows that 'Shuttlecock Under' shows off Chris the best."

Sam and Dakota shared another awkward look. "Uhh, yeah," the gamer said as Sierra huffed and looked away. "Anyway, I'm sure there's a lot you wanna talk about.'

"Why don't you _start_ by explaining why you came out here early," Dakota interrupted sharply. "I think it was just after Sierra said something about how you being gay won't change anything?"

Topher sniffed in contempt. "Right. For somebody so good at digging up every little _scrap_ of info on a person," he said without meeting his rival's eyes, "Sierra has _no_ understanding of show business. I hate to say it," he sighed, "but even in this day and age, there's still a _lot_ of people out there who look down on anyone who deviates from the norm. For an up-and-comer like me, word getting out that I don't like girls, not to mention my _criminal record_, can be a real career-ender. I'm gonna have to work twice as hard to get where I want in life because of her!"

"Wow, that's pretty harsh," Sam told him. "I can see why you'd wanna keep that stuff a secret."

"Still, that doesn't excuse what you've done," Dakota added sternly. "The stealing, the lying, the helping put Sierra and her mom on the street..."

"Uggh, where do I even _begin_," Topher groaned into his hands.

"Just, y'know, start from the beginning," Sam told him.

Without missing a beat, Topher took a deep breath. "Well for starters," he said with a smile, "the only reason I turned to a life of crime in the _first_ place is because it's all I could _do_ to _survive_!"

"No it _wasn't_," Sierra countered, "your family is upper-middle class!"

"Who asked _you_," Topher hissed. "And for _your_ information, while my family is fairly well-off now, that wasn't always the case." Sierra rolled her eyes and snorted in disbelief. "_Regardless_," Topher continued, "I'm not _proud_ of my pickpocketing skills, but I'm done running away from them. I've been on the road to reform for a while now, and I think my time on Total Drama has been a great help."

A small amount of applause came from the audience, causing Sierra to scowl.

"That's a _total_ _lie_," she said. "You've been saying you you've reformed ever since I _met_ you," she told the wannabe host, "but you haven't changed a single _bit_! What about the Chris McLean Fan Club fundraiser-slash-picnic, huh? Or did you forget about all the money you stole when you were supposed to have 'reformed'?!"

"I'll admit I've had a few...relapses now and again," he explained with a hint of anxiety as he searched for the right wording, "but I did _not_ steal that fundraiser envelope. I wasn't even _framed_, you just told everyone I did it without any evidence!"

"You're a _criminal_!" Sierra spat. "What other evidence do I need?!"

"How about actual_ proof_!" Topher exclaimed, throwing his hands up. "I had to go back to _juvie_ because of you. Do even know how _hard_ it is to get accepted into acting classes after you've been locked up _twice_?"

"Wait, are you saying you were in juvie _before_ the fundraiser incident?" Sam asked.

"It's embarrassing to admit it on live TV," the pretty boy said with a glance towards the camera,"but yeah. Let's just say I ended up picking off more than I could _pocket_ and leave it at that."

"_So_," Dakota said with narrowed eyes, "you've pretty much been a criminal your whole life. How did someone like _you_ decide to go into hosting?"

"Honestly," Topher answered with a forced smile at the heiress, "it's all thanks to Chris. I first found out about him during my first stay in juvie when they showed a marathon of all his movies on the cafeteria television. I don't know if it was his looks or his on-screen presence, but something in me really _clicked_ when I saw him. I realized that this was someone I wanted to look up to, someone whose footsteps I could follow in and really turn my life around. Once I was finally free again, I read and watched everything I could _find_ about him. I joined that online message board, met _her_," he briefly glared at Sierra, "and the rest is pretty much history."

The super-fan scoffed. "Puh-lease, like _anyone_ is gonna believe that." With the eyes of her rival and the hosts on her, she continued. "The only reason Topher wants what Chris has is because he's _greedy_ and _power-hungry_. He doesn't _really_ care about Chris, not like I do."

"Right, because obsessively finding out every little detail about someone is _caring_ for them," Topher retorted. "You don't even _understand_ him as a _person_! It's all just 'what did Chris have for breakfast last Tuesday' and 'how can I get even more pictures of him without him knowing' with you. Although I guess that's your _mom's_ fault for raising you the way she did."

Yet another gasp echoed through the studio. "You did _not_ just diss my mother!" Sierra growled into her rival's face.

"So, I take it you're not a big fan of Sierra's mom, huh?" Dakota asked. "Though I guess that's obvious since you helped get her sued."

Topher rolled his eyes. "Given everything they've _both_ done, I'd say they got what was coming to them. Besides, they practically lived out of dumpsters anyway thanks to all their 'work'."

"That's...pretty harsh, man," Sam told him. "I get that Sierra got you sent back to juvie, but getting her and her family put on the street seems, I dunno, a little _far_ for revenge."

"Oh, you'd _think_ that, wouldn't you?" the handsome boy said. "But you don't know even _half_ of the troubles she and her super-stalker of a mother have put me through. Online harassment," he began to list off on his fingers, "terrifying calls in the middle of the night, 'anonymous' tips to my parole officer every other week, nasty rumors about my family's businesses, the list goes on and on!"

"And you deserved _all of it_!" Sierra hissed, eyes wide with anger and venom that were met with an equally icy glare from her bitter rival. A large 'ooh' came from the audience, and the two hosts shared a nervous look.

"Just like _you_ deserved to be on the _street_!" Topher countered. "Not to mention all those restraining orders I helped half of _Hollywood_ take out on your mom," he added with a vicious grin.

Sierra gasped. "I _knew_ you were behind those! I kept telling my mom, but she didn't believe me because people in her line of work get them all the time!"

"And so do you," Topher added. "Or did you forget how every boy you've _ever_ been interested in has gotten court intervention to keep you away from them?"

"They were just playing hard to get!" Sierra said. "And at least _I_ never stole the keys to a _fire truck_ so my friends could take it on a _joyride_!"

"That was a dare, and you know it!" Topher shouted. The two fumed at each other, and it looked like they were about to fight any minute,

"I think we _might_ have dug up more dirt than we were prepared for," Sam whispered to Dakota.

"Totally," Dakota whispered back. "I think we need to _do_ something."

"Right," the avid gamer nodded. He gulped, and just as the two rivals finally lunged at one another he stood up and yelled "I HATE VIDEO GAMES!"

Everyone in earshot gasped, even his girlfriend, even the feuding guests. Nobody but Sam was prepared when the anvil came crashing down for the second time that episode.

Miraculously, neither Sierra nor Topher had been crushed. The couch, however, had been destroyed again, and the two laid dazed and confused in the rubble.

"Yeah, I lied," Sam admittedly blandly. "But only because you two were getting out of hand! I get that there's a lot of bad blood between you, but you're not gonna be able to get over it on a show like this," he told them before awkwardly adding "Or _ever_, probably."

"Plus," Dakota told them, "this show is live, and we're _kinda_ running out of time. As good as your feud is for ratings, we _seriously_ need to cut it short right now."

"I'm pretty sure we've got time for _one_ more question," Sam said as he sat back down.

"Why don't we go to one of our viewers on webcam!" Dakota continued happily. "I'm sure Kelsey from Kamloops has a few _questions_ for you two."

The feed cut to static briefly as it transitioned to the webcam footage. It cut back to a close-up of the white-skinned and freckly Kelsey as she quickly adjusted the camera on her end and took a step back. She looked to be in her early teens, with short brown hair, glasses, and braces, as well as a unicorn on her shirt. The walls of the bedroom behind her were painted in light purples with a rainbow and stars on her closet door. "Hey everybody!" she greeted with a cheerful wave before bending down to pick up something just off-screen. "I'm a _huge_ fan of Sierra and Topher," she said as she held up what appeared to be life-sized and surprisingly accurate stuffed dolls of the two rivals.

The scene cut back to the studio, showing the two wide-eyed hosts at an apparent loss for words before panning over to the guests on the still-broken couch. "Oooh!" Sierra squealed and clapped. "I _love_ it! Well, the _me_ doll anyway. I can tell from here that you did a _great_ job on the stitching!"

"Thanks!" Kelsey said giddily.

"But I don't get why you went and made a doll of _him_ too," Sierra continued with a quick and harsh glance to her left. "He doesn't _deserve_ such dedicated fans." Topher crossed his arms and looked away with a frown.

"Oh _you_," Kelsey replied with a playful wave of her hand. "I love how you're both in so much _denial_ about your attraction to each other."

"_What_." the two bitterest of rivals said at the same time.

"You know what I mean!" the fangirl told them happily. "It's _obvious_ how in love you two are. Anyone can see it's only a matter of time before you go," she mashed her two dolls' faces together and made an approximation of kissing noises.

Sierra and Topher looked absolutely disgusted by it.

"So anyway," Kelsey continued obliviously, poking her head over this still-together faces of her dolls, "my question is this:"

"Whoa there, back up," Topher interrupted. "You actually think that _I_," he put his hands on his chest, "a _gay guy_, am in love with _her_," he pointed over the anvil at Sierra, "my_ arch-enemy_?"

"Yup!" Kelsey giggled. "That just makes it more _romantic_, don't you think?"

For once, Sierra and Topher shared a look that was of shock rather than hatred. "But we hate each other!" the tall girl protested. "I'm pretty sure we've even tried to have each other _killed_ a few times!"

"And yet I just _know_ in my heart of hearts that you're meant to be together!" Kelsey countered with a sappy smile.

Once more, nearly everyone on stage looked up at the hanging screen with speechless shock on their faces.

"You know what Kelsey," Beardo spoke up suddenly with barely-suppressed laughter from his seat on the uncrushed back row guest couch, "I think you're onto somethin'. I can definitely hear somethin' like _this_ in their future." He proceeded to make an elaborate imitation of wedding bells, drawing glares from the two in front of him and giggles from their young fan.

"So like I was saying," she said, "can you _pleeeease_ kiss again, for me?"

"_NO_!" Sierra and Topher shouted without missing a beat.

"B-but-" Kelsey began to say, shock and sadness covering her face, before being cut off as the hanging screen's feed cut to static.

"Oooh, sorry," Dakota said with an apologetic expression, "as fun as it was to have you, we're just out of time!"

"Man, this has been quite the episode, eh Dakota?" Sam asked with a chuckle.

The camera briefly cut to the gaping peanut gallery, snickering Beardo, and twitching rival guests.

"Sure was, Sam!" Dakota answered with a smile as the Aftermath theme began to play and the crowd went wild with applause. "That's all for today, though, so join Chris and the cast next time for the most dramatically thrilling episode of Total! Drama! Action! Ever!"

The camera pulled back just as Sierra and Topher glared at each other and started slap-fighting until Beardo hastily separated them.

"How was that?" Sam whispered as the lights began to dim.

"_Much_ better," Dakota answered with a giggle, leaning in to kiss him on the cheek.

(Fade to Credits)

* * *

**Author's Note - Post Script**

I briefly considered including a bonus clip where Sierra and Topher met backstage and indirectly revealed that their entire rivalry had been nothing more than a long con or something to help further their careers, and that they were actually good friends, but ultimately decided against it. I like them just both being unrepentant assholes to each other to be better.

Incidentally, hopefully I neither overdid their hatred for each other, nor played it too softly. And yeah, I finally confirmed Topher's sexuality, and (hopefully) drove in the futility of shipping him with Sierra in the Shuffled universe. The pairing itself I have no problem with, but it simply won't ever happen in this series.

Sam and Dakota I was uncertain of what to do with at first, as I wanted some kind of conflict between them but without just reusing the canon elements. Ultimately, though, I think the interviews would have overshadowed it no matter what I did, so hopefully it at least wasn't out of place or awkward.

Speaking of interviews, I hope you all liked what I did with Beardo's as well. It was, I think, still a warm-up act for Sierra and Topher as I had intended, but nevertheless enjoyable to read I hope; Alejandro's diversion in particular. For the record, I did consider putting Sierra's interview first with Beardo as the half-time show, but I figured there was no way Topher would just idly sit backstage while Sierra did her best to drag him through the dirt, so to speak.

As always, feel free to let me know what you liked, and what you think I could have done better on.

Until next week!

\- Fangren

* * *

**Appendix: TSA Eliminated Contestants**

Geoff - (Tied for 14th Place)

Bridgette - (Tied for 14th Place)

Shawn - (13th Place)

Alejandro - (12th Place)

Sierra - (11th Place)

Beardo - (10th Place)

Topher - (9th Place)


	13. Chapter 13 - Ocean's Eight - Or Nine

**Author's Note**

It's that time yet again, folks! Friday sure does seem to come around in a blink of an eye, to me at least. Things have been proceeding smoothly on my front, so with a lack of other things to talk about I'll go straight into the reviews.

**BuckJohnson:** Please don't do that ever again. I know you're upset over the sinking of that ship, but words that long seriously mess up the reviews on the same page and make it more difficult to answer them.

**acosta perez jose ramiro:** Yeah, that's pretty much what I was going for with Sierra and Topher - neither of them is in the right, since they've both been unjustifiably horrible to one another. As for Sam and Dakota...well, I'm certainly glad you picked up on that conflict between them. I'm interested in seeing how I end up developing it, since I generally don't think about that Aftermaths too far in advance.

**NewAgeHero:** Thanks!

**Zak Saturday:** Yeah, I'm pretty sure. I'm assuming you're referring to the general intensity of the accusations and such, and not that the episode didn't seem like it was a talk show.

**JinxQueen:** Yup, and yup.

**bruno14:** I'm happy you liked it so much! And yeah, 'hilarious' and ;funny' are basically the same thing. As I've said before, Sierra and Topher have been fun to write, so even though they're out of the contest for now I'm looking forward to coming back to them a bit at some point in the future. As for the two World Tour newcomers...well, just keep in mind that they were randomly chosen, and that only one of them is a girl.

**Cole D. soul:** I'm glad you liked it! I was hoping someone would comment on Alejandro's role, although I'll stay quiet about whether or not he was right about anything. Dakota...I didn't quite intend as being so harsh since to an extent she has a point that some of Sam's comments might ruin the flow of the rest of the show, but I can also see your point, and either way it's given me a clearer idea of what I'm going to do with them in the next couple Aftermaths. Your perception of Topher and Sierra are pretty much what I intended in that both of them are obviously flawed, and yeah, having Kelsey as a stand-in for the Topherra shippers was pretty fun to write on my part as well.

**StarHeart Specials:** Haha, thanks! And congrats on posting some stories, I'll check them out and read whatever ones catch my interest.

**80jj:** Thanks! And I don't think Trent will have to worry about Kelsey unless I decide to either include Aftermaths for the shorter seasons (extremely unlikely) or have some sort of spin-off oneshot about it. And even I have no idea what shipping direction, if any, I'll take B in. Good point on Sam and Dakota, and even moreso with Topher and Beardo. I had figured people might ship them as soon as their sexualities were known, but as you say they're completely not good for each other. Fortunately, I haven't had any comments about it yet.

**Mrianjfecca:** I hate to say this, but I'm having a bit of trouble understanding you. I get that you don't want me to swear, and while I've been trying to keep the language level of the actual episodes about the same as canon, I'm honestly just going to keep using whatever words i please for the Author's Notes. As for Bridgette and Geoff...well, they're not really the focus of this fic anymore? Not sure what else to say.

**Ali6132:** Yeah, Courtney doesn't show up much in the second aftermath, so she's easy to miss. Other than that, I'm glad you liked it!

**I. M. Poik:** Haha, thanks. And honestly, I'm fine with the Topherra ship for other fics, just not in this series. I've been deliberately writing them so it'll never happen, but I can see how they could work together in other stories. And as for Amy...well, I hope this week's episode lives up to your expectations!

**StayOuttaMyShed:** Yup, that's what I was going for with Sierra and Topher - it's hard to pick a side when both have probably crossed the line. And actually, the gender ratio isn't all that different from what it was at this point in canon. Other than that, lots of good points about the cast for me to keep in mind going forward, and hopefully I'll be able to give people the plots and attention they need.

**Lowland Warrior:** You've only reviewed up to Chapter 4 as I write this, but I figure I might as well respond anyway. Don't feel bad about the short reviews since I don't really mind, and I'm glad you like how I developed various characters in the early chapters. Hopefully you've enjoyed what I did with the Chef-DJ subplot, along with basically everything else. I look forward to reading more of your thoughts!

**Identification:** Thanks! And yeah, figuring out the right pacing for the Topher/Sierra bits was difficult, and I'm not surprised I didn't get it down perfectly. And there's certainly a good chance of Alejandro continuing to be paranoid about Scarlett, though where that may lead is a secret.

**FOWLKON:** Well, Sierra and Topher lost all chances of being friends in this story a long time ago, alternate universes aside. And as for this chapter...well, I hope you like how it turns out!

**OMAC001:** I'm glad you liked the last chapter, and are looking forward to this one!

**Star Saber21:** Well, I'm glad I've finally helped you realize that Topherra won't be a thing in this series. And thanks for liking how I broke up the fight at the end, I wanted to get that anvil involved somehow and I'm quite happy with what I went with. As for the others not believing Alejandro...well, I did try to have them come up with good counter-arguments.

**insertnamehere21:** Congrats! And yet, despite having stopped over-describing things, the chapters have just gotten longer...I guess I just have a natural inclination towards length. Anyway, thanks for the review!

And with little else to say, here's the list of remaining contestants, unchanged from last week:

Screaming Gaffers \- Scarlett, Lightning, Beth, Sammy

Killer Grips \- Jo, DJ, Dawn, B

I hope you're ready for what's coming!

\- Fangren

* * *

**Episode 13 – Ocean's Eight...or Nine**

"Last time, on Total Drama Action!" The recap opened with a shot of B looking proudly at the Grips' paint bomb set-up for the second part of the challenge, and was followed by Scarlett detonating for the Gaffers and a few of the ensuing explosions. "We learned that war movies are _brutal_." The Gaffers watched with awe as their safety wall was splattered with paint, while the Grips cringed.

"At first our contestants were flying high," the host said as the contestants jumped out of the fake plane one by one, "but tensions soon ran deep when a certain _criminal element_ was revealed within the Grips' ranks." DJ placed a concerned hand on Topher's shoulder, causing him to jump and scatter the items that had been in his pockets. The gentle giant knelt down and picked up the missing half of Sammy's locket, and Jo was shown accusing the pretty boy.

"And despite tensions of their _own_," a few clips of Lightning bullying Sammy and Scarlett acting dismissively towards Beth were shown, "the Gaffers managed to steal the trunk of mystery out from under the Grips' noses thanks to a cunning plan, courtesy of Beth." The Grips were shown tackling Sammy, while Scarlett and Beth snuck into their empty camp, freed Lightning, and located the trunk.

"In the end, despite B's injuries," Chris said over an assortment of shots of B directing his teammates to plant explosives, holding up a shovel, and walking of with a thoughtful expression, "he still proved useful enough to his teammates to be kept on. Instead, it was _Topher_ who got sent packing," the stunned wannabe host was shown getting slung over Chef's shoulder and thrown unceremoniously into the Lame-o-sine, "once he returned all the _stuff_ he stole that is. It was _probably_ for the better." The scene of Topher acting suspiciously when Lightning was looking for his protein scoop was shown, as well as him bumping into Sammy outside the boys' trailer.

The recap ended with a flash transition to the smiling host in the driver's seat of a sleek red convertible, the top down and the engine running softly, with his left arm hanging out the side. "You keep comin' back for the explosive drama," he told the camera as it zoomed out slightly, "I keep comin' back for the perks!" He gave the side of the car a few pats. "Car chase this week! And with only _eight_ contestants left, the engines are on and the stereo is set to thump to the catchy opening theme song." The camera pulled back once more, showing the entire convertible. "It's time, for some more, Total! Drama! _Action_!"

The shot pulled back even more as he revved the engine, and with squealing tires he took off...and immediately crashed into a tall pine a few yards away.

"Aww, crap!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be...famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be...famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

A few deep drum beats opened the episode as the scene faded in at the dining hall. The teams were eating what looked like bacon and eggs on the two tables, Grips closer to the entrance and Gaffers closer to the meal counter. The camera zoomed in on them, all four on one side of the table – Sammy on the far left with Beth, then Scarlett and Lightning on the far end.

"And so _that_ was how I got Brady's _number_...," Beth rambled to Sammy as the camera panned over them to the other end of the table.

Lightning was shoveling his mountain of food into his mouth, stuffing his cheeks and topping it off with a swig of orange juice. "You gonna eat that protein?" he asked Scarlett with a full mouth, pointing at her more modest plate and spraying small flecks of food on her.

"Eeyuggh," she said with a cringe of disgust, "can't you _swallow_ before you speak to me?"

Lightning narrowed his eyes at her and swallowed, then grabbed her plate the moment she turned to look at Beth as the wannabe said "That's why I _never_ go anywhere without-"

"And _you_," Scarlett interrupted. "Could you _stop_ telling those outlandish tales about your alleged boyfriend?"

Beth blew a raspberry at the brainiac, and Sammy sighed.

xxx

"Ever since the war movie challenge," the nice twin confessed, "things have been really _tense_ on our team. Umm, not that they weren't tense _before_, but they got kinda worse when Beth started challenging Scarlett. Plus," she added, averting her eyes and rubbing the pendant around her neck absentmindedly, "I'm still, like, _super_ guilty about voting Beardo off, so I want to make it up by supporting Beth, but I can't help but feel our team's gonna fall apart any second."

xxx

"Uhh, sorry, Scarlett," Sammy spoke up hesitantly, "but I really don't see what your problem with Beth telling me about her boyfriend is."

"I wouldn't have a problem with it if she talked about _anything else_," Scarlett growled in response. "I'm tired of having to suspend my disbelief every time she opens her mouth!"

"I do _too_ talk about other things!" Beth gasped with outrage. "Maybe if you actually _listened_ to other people for once instead of _ignoring_ us, you'd know that!"

"That would require _you_ to actually have something _interesting_ to talk about!" Scarlett retorted.

"Lightning knows how you feel," the uber-jock spoke up after swallowing his food again. "Ain't nobody here _ever_ says stuff the Lightning cares about, so he just tunes everybody out most of the time!"

Scarlett stared at him a moment, then looked down at noticed her plate was empty of food. "Did you eat my breakfast?" she asked him flatly.

Lightning shrugged. "If you wanted it, you shoulda eaten it. Lightning needs all the protein he can get!"

The brainiac shuddered out a growl. "Well then," she said, standing up suddenly, "I can see there's no further reason to stay _here_." Without another word or glance at her teammates, she stormed towards the main flap in the craft services tent. She passed the Grips on the way, who paused in what appeared to be a pleasant conversation to watch Scarlett walk past.

"What was I _thinking_," she muttered as soon as she got out into the open, "surrounding myself with those...those _i_-" Having turned her head to glance back inside, she missed the intern who swiftly put a sack over her head while a quick and sharply thrilling tune played in the background. She was quickly knocked to the ground with a grunt of protestation, and dragged out of sight.

Inside, the Grips looked none the wiser and a reverent tune took over the background music. "Man, I'm really _diggin_' us all still bein' here," DJ told his teammates, Jo and B on one side of the table with Dawn and the brickhouse opposite them. "I think we all got a great shot to make it even further as a team!"

"Surprisingly, I hear you loud and clear," Jo said with a nod. "And once B gets his shoulder fixed," she pointed to the splint and cast that the silent genius was still wearing, "we'll be _unstoppable_!"

B nodded happily, and Dawn smiled. "Oh yes, I can tell that we've truly come to understand one another."

The reverent music came to a sudden and dramatic halt when an unseen Chef Hatchet yelled out from from the kitchen. "Yo Momma's Boy! Get your butt in here and tell me what you _did_ to my roastin' pans!"

DJ quirked an eyebrow and stood up, his half of the pendant he shared with Sammy visible around his neck. "What's he talkin' about? I only used those pans like two times!"

"Ehh, he probably just wants another excuse to _yell_ at you," Jo said. "Might as well get it over with before he starts throwing _sporks_ at us again."

"Right," the gentle giant said with a calm smile. "I'll be back as soon as I can." The camera followed him as he walked across the room, pausing briefly to exchange a smile with Sammy at the other table. He stepped into the kitchen cautiously, eyes searching the room for the man who'd called him in there.

"Uh, Chef?" he said nervously, the viewpoint shifting to show that the room was otherwise deserted. "What did you wanna talk about? I swear I put those pans back the same way I found 'em!" He walked around a bit, his expression falling into one of confusion as he stood in front of the back door and put his hands on his hips. "Where _is_ he anyway?"

The door behind him promptly opened and a sack was jammed down over his head. He gave a muffled yelp as he was pulled outside, the camera cutting away to show him slamming to the ground with a rope tied around him. He began to cry as he was dragged off-screen.

/

The scene flashed back inside as a knife cut a hole in the canvas roof, a rope was thrown down, and Chris descended into the tent with a grin on his face.

"What an entrance!" Beth exclaimed with a dash of excitement as the music turned slow and dramatic.

"Consider it a _hint_ as to this week's _movie genre_," Chris told her.

"Let me _guess_," Jo said with an impish smirk, "is it 'Generic Middle-Aged Male _Action Hero_' flick day?"

"_No_," the host replied with a hint of annoyance. "This week, _we're_ paying tribute to the action-packed Bank Heist Gangster Caper film!"

"But Chris," Dawn spoke up after looking around quickly, "shouldn't we wait until DJ gets back?"

"Scarlett's gone too," Lightning added from the other side of the room, "but Lightning don't really _care_."

"The two of them are _gone_, people," Chris told them. "Because, rescuing them is the _first_ part of your challenge!"

A few dramatic notes played as Dawn gasped, then Beth, then Sammy, then B, then Lightning yawned.

"What?" he asked when his remaining two teammates looked at him.

"They've both been locked up in state-of-the-art safes," Chris explained, "along with _all_ the tools each team will need to commit a movie-perfect bank robbery. Your job," he pointed to the two teams after rubbing his hands together, "is to crack the safes, rescue your teammate, grab the equipment, and try to be the _first_ ones to rob the First National Bank of Chris."

The camera zoomed out to include the entire room in the shot as the host grabbed hold of the rope he'd come in on. "Let's _kick it_, gangsters!" he declared before getting pulled back up to the roof.

/

The scene flashed to one of the film lot's many sets, this one constructed to look like a pair of bank vaults set in a brick wall. Zooming in on the one on the right, DJ could be heard nervously crying "Hello? Is anybody out there?"

Cutting inside, the gentle giant threw the sack off his head and looked around. The room he was in had what looked to be safe deposit boxes covering the wall behind him, an air vent on the wall near the vault door, and a white bench in the center that he was sitting on.

"I don't like this, not _one_ bit," he told the camera, his voice echoing slightly in the vast room. "What kinda person ambushes a brother, ties him up, and throws him in a bank vault anyway? If I wasn't so sure this was a _challenge_, I'd be freakin' _out_ right now."

/

"I'm almost _happy_ that I was chosen to be locked up in here," Scarlett told the camera in her own vault, identical to the one DJ was in. "At the very least, it means I don't have to deal with my _teammates_ for a little while." She looked down at the bench she was sitting on and patted it idly. "It could use some _reading material_ though."

/

The scene flashed white briefly before cutting to a close-up of Beth turning the dial on the outside of the Gaffers' vault door.

"How's it going?" Sammy asked as the camera pulled back to show her and Lightning waiting nearby.

"No idea," Beth said bluntly. "I've never really done this before!"

"What, didn't your boyfriend ever teach you how to crack a safe?" Lightning asked mockingly.

"Nope," the dorky girl told him, still focused on the lock. "He cracks his _knuckles_, which I think is pretty cute, but not safes."

"Then why're we lettin' _you_ do it?" Lightning asked harshly. "Step aside, let _Lightning_ have a go." He shoved Beth to the ground, then started fiddling with the dial in her stead.

xxx

"We _really_ need to do something about Lightning," Sammy told the confessional. "He's almost as bad as _Amy_!"

xxx

The camera panned down to Beth as she glared up at the uber-jock and Sammy helped her back to her feet, then moved back up and over to the Grips a few feet away.

B was already working the dial while Dawn peered closely at the vault door and Jo leaned up against the wall next to it. "It's almost a _shame_ we voted out Topher last time," the jock-ette commented. "His criminal expertise would be handy here."

"He's not good with combination locks, remember?" Dawn told her. "Otherwise we would have escaped that submarine _much_ earlier."

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that," Jo said. "Whatever. How's it goin' there, B?" she asked the silent genius.

B looked at her, shrugged helplessly, then went back to work as Jo and Dawn shared a stunned look.

/

"C'mon, ya oversized _locker_," the uber-jock grunted, turning the dial and finally pounding on the door in frustration, "just open up for the Lightning!"

"Umm, I don't think that's gonna _work_," Sammy told him cautiously.

"What do _you_ know," Lightning said sharply. "As if a loser like _you_ could do better!"

Sammy sighed dejectedly while Beth merely glared at the jock.

/

B had taken out a stethoscope at some point as he worked on the lock, but now took out a step back and looked at it thoughtfully.

"Uhh, if _he's_ having trouble," Jo told Dawn, "then I think we'd better come up with some _other_ plan to bust out DJ the Giant."

The silent genius quickly looked the jock-ette in the eyes and shook his head.

"Well then, you'd better hurry up!" Jo told him. B shot her an annoyed frown, then emphatically pointed from her to the handle on the vault door.

"B says you should-" Dawn began to say before Jo cut her off.

"Yeah yeah, I got it," she grumbled, walking over to the handle and attempting to turn it. "It won't _budge_," she told B.

The silent genius tapped his chin a few times, then started to work the dial again.

/

"Maybe instead of trying random numbers," Sammy suggested as Lightning continued to stubbornly turn the dial, "we should try to figure out what combination Chris would give it?"

"So what," Beth asked, "like his birthday or something?"

"Yeah, or his phone number, or his measurements or some _other_ random thing about him," Sammy said with a smile while Lightning pulled at the door handle to no effect.

"Hmmm...," Beth thought. "I dunno, that sounds a little _too_ easy."

"It's worth a shot, though, right?" the nice twin asked with a smile. Beth shrugged, but helped Sammy pull Lightning away from the door. Sammy quickly entered a code and looked at her teammate, who tried the handle.

It didn't budge. "Well, okay, it wasn't _that_, but I think we're on the right _track_ at least," she said hopefully.

/

Back with the Grips, Jo continued to put pressure on the vault handle while B turned the dial left and right. He stopped suddenly, brows raised in mild surprise, and wrote something down on a sticky note he'd taped to the wall.

"Are we about _done_ here?" the jock-ette asked in annoyance.

B looked at Dawn and made a so-so gesture, causing the mystic to tell Jo "He's only gotten two numbers, and he doesn't know how many are left.

"Great," Jo deadpanned. "Who knew breaking into a bank vault could be so _tedious_? Some action-packed film _this_ turned out to be..."

/

"Hmm," Sammy thought, "if it wasn't any of _those_..."

"I'll try the total weight of _hair gel_ he goes through each week," Beth suggested, already turning the knob.

The nice twin watched her for a few moments before her gaze wandered down to the air vent close to the ground. "I wonder if we should try asking Scarlett? Maybe there's something inside that can help us."

Beth shrugged, and the two girls calmly stepped aside as Lightning charged the door, bounced off it without making a dent, and fell backwards to the floor.

"I kinda wanna keep trying ourselves," Beth said. "If we ask Scarlett, you _know_ she's just gonna act all smug about it."

"True," Sammy admitted, "but the Grips look like they're making progress," the two girls glanced over at B, Jo, and Dawn, "and I don't wanna lose this."

Beth sighed. "Fine, I guess we can give it a shot."

The cheerleader smiled, and the two knelt down in front of the air vent. "Hey, Scarlett?" Sammy called into it, her hands cupped around her mouth. "Can you hear me in there?"

A moment passed, before the brainiac's exasperated reply came. "_Yes_. Why did it take you so long to consider _contacting_ me?"

"We wanted to try opening the lock _ourselves_," Beth answered.

"Which _clearly_ has been a waste of time," Scarlett said. "Please tell me that the Grips haven't opened _theirs_ yet?"

"No, not yet," Sammy told her. "But _B's_ working on it, so who knows how much time we have left."

Scarlett's annoyed growl was heard clearly through the vent. "Very well," she told her teammates. "So long as the rest of you do _exactly_ what I say for the rest of the challenge and don't question me, I'll assist you in opening the vault door."

"Not gonna happen, Smartypants," Beth countered immediately. "The way I see it, we could probably rob a bank just fine without the you _or_ the tools."

The brainiac snorted. "Oh really? And I suppose you expect to win the challenge, too?"

"Who knows?" the bespectacled girl answered with a mischievous grin. "But if we lose, it's _your_ butt going home tonight."

xxx

"Who says it has to be people like Scarlett and Jo who take charge all the time?" Beth asked in the make-up trailer. "People like _me_ can do that too! And besides, I'm _through_ with other people bossing me around. Now that I have a super-hot boyfriend and a heaping hunk of self-confidence," she grinned, "it's my time to shine!"

xxx

The viewpoint cut insides the Gaffers' vault, showing Scarlett pinching the bridge of her nose with an unpleasant expression on her face. "_Fine_," she said towards the air vent. "Luckily for _you_ I've already checked most of the safe deposit boxes in here and found _these_." She took several slips of paper out of her shirt, and stuffed them through the vent.

They fell out one by one on the other side, and were picked up by an eager Sammy and Beth. "Let's see what we've got," the wannabe said as the two laid the scraps on the floor and moved them around.

"Hey, it must be the combination!" Sammy exclaimed as the shot moved to a downward view of the paper, showing two rows of roman numerals. She quickly stood back up and got to work on the dial, while Beth turned her attention to the jock lying on the floor in a daze.

"Up and at 'em, Lightning," she told her teammate. "We're almost done with this part of the challenge."

"Wha-?" the overachiever said in confusion, holding a hand to his head as he shakily got back to his feet. He looked at the vault door just as a smiling Sammy finished entering the combination and turned the handle. "Sha-_weet_!" Lightning exclaimed happily. "Lightning _knew_ his hard work would pay off eventually!"

The door swung outward, revealing Scarlett standing with a leather bag in her hand and a stony expression on her face as she stepped out into the studio. "Thank you for freeing me," she said with a cold and level tone, not meeting the eyes of any of her teammates. "Let's proceed to the next part of the challenge while we still have the lead."

Without another word or glance, she took off at a steady jog. Lightning pursed his lips and followed as his innate competitiveness took over, leaving Beth and Sammy to share a slightly nervous glance before chasing after their teammates.

The music became tense as the camera panned over to the Grips, warily watching their opponents leave. "Aaaand, now we're _behind_," Jo griped. "Any chance you could speed things up a bit?" she asked B, who gave her another helpless shrug.

She frowned, then looked over at the note B had written on the wall. "Thirty-one and _eleven_...," she muttered to herself. "Why does that sound so _familiar_?"

"Perhaps it's something we've seen before?" Dawn suggested.

Jo's eyes flared with a sudden realization and she snapped her fingers. "The code for the sub!" she told her teammates. "Chris must've been too _cheap_ to come up with a different combo!" Her smile quickly faded, though, and she added "Too bad I didn't bother remembering the _rest_ of it."

"I'll ask DJ," Dawn said, "he might remember it since he tried the hardest to enter it." The camera zoomed in on her as she knelt down next to the air vent. "Excuse me, DJ?" she asked loudly.

The shot cut inside as the gentle giant, who had been sitting on the bench holding his knees, snapped to attention. "Dawn?" he asked back, spotting the vent and walking over to it. "That you?"

"Yes, DJ, it's me," the mystic told him. "Do you recall the combination we were given during the disaster challenge? It might be the code for the safe you're in."

"The first three numbers were three, one, and eleven," Jo added loudly.

The brickhouse raised an eyebrow. "Three, one, and eleven...," he muttered softly before brightening up. He bent down closer to the vent, and said "I'm pretty sure the other half of the sub combo was somethin' like three, six, and two."

"You heard him," Jo told B as the scene moved back outside the vault, the background music quickening its pace. "Three, six, and two."

B nodded, turned the dial a few times, then pointed at Jo. The jock-ette turned the handle, but it didn't open. "Well _that_ was a bust," Jo grunted with a frown.

"Not yet," Dawn told her, motioning towards B who was inputting another combination. The silent boy pointed at Jo with a confident smirk, and Jo tried again. The music peaked as the wheel turned, and the door finally swung open.

"You guys did it!" DJ said excitedly, hugging Dawn the moment he was back outside.

"We're _behind_, though," Jo told him, "so grab that bank-robbing kit and get a move on." The other three Grips nodded.

/

The camera was directed downwards for a brief second as a leather bag was thrown on the ground, and the viewpoint inverted as the four Screaming Gaffers were shown looking down as Scarlett opened it.

"So, what do we got?" Beth asked.

"Four balaclavas," the brainiac said, holding up a quartet of black ski masks, "four squirt guns," she picked one up, then pointed it upwards and pulled the trigger so that a small spurt of water shot out, "and _one_ generic note declaring our intent," she finished, taking out a folded piece of paper and reading it.

"Sha-Lightning!" the overachiever exclaimed, swiping the note and looking at it excitedly. "Let's go rob a _bank_, y'all!"

/

A hard rock tune began to play as the footage skipped forward, focusing on the feet of the Gaffers one by one as they walked forward in slow motion – first Lightning's light blue sneakers; then Scarlett's black loafers and white knee-high socks; Beth's pale yellows and bright pink pants; and finally Sammy's white heeled cheer boots.

With a confident smirk, Lightning took his squirt gun out of his pants. The camera panned past him, showing a stoic Scarlett holding their bag, and both Beth and Sammy with their own guns at the ready as they walked past a brick wall.

Lightning slammed the folded-up stick-up note on the counter of a bank teller's wicket. "Yo, this is a robbery!" he shouted, the camera pulling back to show the rest of the bank set they were now in. "Gimme all your money, and make it quick!"

"Welcome, Gaffers!" Chris said suddenly, popping up from behind the counter and startling Beth and Sammy into nearly dropping their guns. "You've beaten the Grips to the scene," the host told them as Scarlett rolled her eyes derisively at her more skittish teammates, "_soo_, you'll get first crack at the teller!"

"Sha-_duh_," the uber-jock said. "When Lightning's on the team, you _always_ get to places first!"

"Speaking of _that_, I wonder how the Grips are doing?" Sammy said, idly looking back over her shoulder.

/

"So, what's our game plan?" DJ asked as he and his teammates ran outside one of the numbered studios.

"Good question," Jo told him before skidding to a halt. "What did McLean give us, anyway?" She opened the bag she was holding and peered inside it inquisitively, then frowned and dumped it out on the ground – it was the same assortment of equipment the Grips had gotten.

"Looks...like something you would _expect_," Dawn said hesitantly, kneeling down and picking up one of the squirt guns.

"We're behind, though," Jo said, "and while this might be good if it was _just_ a robbery, we gotta somehow foil the _Gaffers_' plan, too."

"So what, we gonna try and go in from the side or something?" DJ asked.

Jo shook her head. "No, we don't have time for that. We have to do this head-on. B," she turned to the silent genius, "you think you can whip us up something useful?"

B tapped his chin with his good hand, then gave the jock-ette a clear 'maybe' gesture. "Good," Jo nodded. "Now here's what we're gonna do..." She pulled her team into a huddle, and began to whisper.

/

A low yet dramatic tune began in the background as the shot flashed over to a pair of legs that was suspiciously similar to Sammy's. "Whassup, girl?" Lightning said as the camera panned up the young woman's legs and back, all similar to the nice twin's save for a head of curly red hair instead of straight blonde. "Why don't you turn around," he continued as the camera pulled back, showing him leaning on the wicket counter with a gun in one hand and the bag in the other while the teller read a stack of papers in her hands, "and give Lightning what's comin' to him? The _cash_ that is," he clarified with a grin, setting the open bag on the counter.

"Just one moment, _sir_," the teller said in a familiar voice before turning around and throwing off her wig, revealing none other than Amy, the older and meaner twin sister of Sammy.

"Sha-_what_?!" Lightning exclaimed, recoiling in shock.

"What." Scarlett echoed in a deadpan voice as the shot pulled back to show her and Beth. Upon hearing a sharp and strangled gasp, the camera pulled back once again to show Sammy fainting, eyes wide with shock and fear.

The background music, which had peaked when Amy had revealed itself and Sammy had fainted, rose into a rock theme as the doors of the studio were kicked open and a pair of small smoke bombs were tossed in. "THIS IS A STICK-UP!" Jo yelled, the viewpoint shifted to show her standing at the front with DJ on her left, Dawn on her right, and B behind with the bright light from outside illuminating them dramatically. All four were wearing cool-looking sunglasses and pointing their guns into the room.

A side-view showed the Grips looking at their opponent and the newcomer, and their background theme scratched to a sudden halt. "What the _heck_?" Jo asked in annoyance, lowering her gun and raising an eyebrow while Dawn and DJ gasped.

"How's _that_ for a dramatic twist?" Chris said as he suddenly popped up in front of the camera with a grin on his face. "And such a _touching_ family reunion, too," he said with an impish glance at the fainted Sammy. "Too bad Samey's got no place to hide, because Total Drama Action will be right back!"

(Fade to Commercial and Back)

The scene faded back in to a shot of a relatively isolated studio located near some cityscape backdrops. A cut inside showed Sammy as her eyes fluttered open, and she groggily sat up to find herself surrounded by Beth, Dawn, and DJ. "You guys will _not_ believe the dream I just had," she said softly as DJ helped her to her feet. "We were doing this bank robbing challenge, only it turned out the teller was _Amy_." Realizing that her boyfriend wasn't meeting her gaze, she turned around and saw the teller's wicket, her sister leaning on it with a smug look on her face.

"Hello, _Samey_," the mean twin greeted with a nasty tone.

Sammy squeaked, and fell into DJ's arms with a look of shock on her face. "But...but _how_?" she gasped between quick and shallow breaths.

"Teams," Chris announced with a smug look of his own as the camera focused on him, "I am happy to announce that _Amy_ is back for the duration of the game." He motioned to the girl as she waved flirtatiously at Lightning.

"Hey, she didn't even _qualify_ for this season!" Jo said angrily.

"No," Amy admitted, "but since I was _cheated_ out of the game three times, Daddy's lawyers were able to sue the producers."

The camera briefly cut to Chris as he rolled his eyes.

xxx

"Yeah," the host told the confessional camera, "she didn't win _squat_ with that lawsuit of hers. I only brought her back because I figured the show could use a _little_ more drama. And the best part is that we don't even have to _pay_ her," he added with a chuckle, "she was willing to do _anything_ for a shot to come back on the show!"

xxx

"So, Amy," Chris said as the challenge footage resumed, "since _you_ were our bank teller in the challenge, _you_ get to decide which team deserves to win first prize: your bag of loot!" He tossed a small bag into her hands, and it made a distinct metallic clink when she caught it.

"_Well_," the mean girl said slowly, "the _Gaffers_ did arrive first." Lightning was shown with a hopeful expression. "But more importantly, they have _Samey_ on their team, and she _never_ deserves first place. Plus," she added with a playful shrug, "the Grips _did_ have a cooler entrance." She shot a dark smile at her still-recovering smile while tossing the loot bag to Jo.

"This is all _your_ fault, Samey!" Lightning shot at the nice twin.

"So, this means the Screaming Gaffers win _second prize_!" Chris told Scarlett, Lightning, Beth, and Sammy as a chipper game show-like theme played in the background.

"W-what's second prize?" Beth asked hesitantly.

"_Amy_!" Chris said ecstatically, causing Sammy to faint again. "For the rest of the game! Or, _until_ she's eliminated!"

The mean twin scowled at him. "Why am _I_ second place?" she grumbled as she grudgingly took the hand Lightning offered to help her over the wicket counter.

"So, Grips, Gaffers," the host addressed the two reformed teams, "your getaway cars are waiting! Better get a move on before the cops arrive!"

Scarlett and Beth just glared at him while Lightning looked at Amy, Amy looked at Sammy, and Sammy just looked generally distraught.

"That means _GO_!" Chris exclaimed with less amusement, and the two teams finally began to run out the door – first the Grips, who were closer, then the Gaffers, with the nice twin lagging behind.

/

The scene cut outside as the teens sprinted down the road and a more dramatic melody began to play.

"I wonder what kind of getaway car we'll get?" Amy wondered aloud with a sly look on her face. "Though whatever it is, it'll be too _cool_ for _Samey_ to ride in."

"Haha, yeah!" Lightning laughed.

"Cram it, Barbie," Jo barked as she ran, "don't think you can just waltz in here and start talking like you _deserve_ to be here."

"Yeah," Beth added with a glare, "and besides, we _all_ have to ride in our team's getaway car."

/

The fake hill was shown in the distance, a few faint dots visible running up along its path. The camera flashed closer, panning up past Lightning and Amy, B and Dawn, and DJ and Jo as they ran up the hill. Another flash centered the shot on a pile of what looked like spare vehicle parts, including a wide red double-seat.

"What's _this_ junk?" Jo asked with a frown, the camera pulling back to show the other Grips with her and the Gaffers at a pile nearby that, despite having green instead of red, was otherwise identical.

A somewhat musical horn preceded Chris driving up in his red sports car, attracting immediate attention from the cast. "These are your getaway cars," he told them. "Just _waiting_ to be assembled."

Scarlett sighed in exasperation. "I really should have seen this coming."

"If the vehicles were ready to go," Chris told the others with a broad smile, "it wouldn't be much of a _challenge_, now would it?" Most of the cast sighed or groaned in disappointment, and Chris sped off with a cloud of exhaust.

He crashed almost immediately after going off-screen, and once the exhaust dispersed a single wheel bounced and rolled back across the screen. "Aww, crap!"

/

The footage flashed ahead, focusing on the Gaffers as they stood around their pile of parts. "We should start by sorting out what we have," Scarlett told the others. "I need to see what I have to work with in order to build our car as efficiently as possible."

"I think it's a go-kart," Beth said uncertainly. The brainiac just shrugged uncaringly.

As the two got to work, Amy bent down to get a closer look at the parts. "Eeww," she said with a grimace, "this stuff is disgusting." She stood back up and gave her sister a bratty smile. "In other words, it's _perfect work_ for _Samey_."

Lightning and Beth looked up from the pile as they gathered pieces of the kart, the uber-jock with a small smile and the wannabe with a glare. The two of them were looking at Sammy, who was standing in front of Amy looking anxious but not moving a muscle.

The mean twin quickly frowned. "Get to _work_, you _slacker_!" she shouted at her sister, thrusting a finger at the pile of parts.

Sammy sighed despondently, and walked over to it.

xxx

She repeated her sigh in the confessional. "You ever have one of those days when everything is looking pretty good for you for the first time in, like, _ever_?" she asked the camera. "But then something goes _completely_ wrong? Because that's _almost_ what it's like for me right now, but, like," she hung her head, "_way_ worse."

xxx

The camera panned away from the Gaffers as most of them moved parts around, and focused on the Grips. Despite his injuries B was taking the lead with his usual cool enthusiasm, wrenching the seats to the frame as Jo held them in place.

"Hey, are you two just gonna stand there looking _depressed_," the jock-ette told DJ and Dawn, who were in fact paying more attention to the Gaffers than to the pile of parts they were kneeling in front of, "or are you gonna _help us_ with our pathetic excuse for a getaway car?"

"Huh?" DJ said, turning his attention to his teammates. "Oh, right, sorry 'bout that," he told her, picking up an axle and carrying it over to Jo and B. "I'm just worried about Sammy now that her sister's back."

"Can't you save that until _after_ the race?" Jo asked without looking at him. "I'm pretty ticked off that Amy's in the game too, but I'd rather focus on _winning_ right now. Who knows?" she shrugged and smirked at the gentle giant. "Maybe she'll be the one booted tonight if the Gaffers lose?"

"Huh," DJ said with a thoughtful look, "I never thought of that."

"I sincerely hope that is the case," Dawn said suddenly from right behind DJ, startling her friend into dropping one end of the axle he'd been holding onto his feet. She had been starting icily off-camera, but DJ's pained cry softened her features quickly. "Oh my! I'm so sorry, DJ!"

xxx

"I hope Sammy can find the inner strength she needs to stand up to her sister," the mystic told the confessional camera. "If she can't, I fear that all the progress she's made will have been for nothing!"

xxx

"You know, I'm honestly _surprised_ that you made it this far," Amy told her sister mockingly, following the younger twin around as she delivered parts to Scarlett. "A loser like _you_ should've been the first to go. I guess you must have some kind of _freak_ luck. Well," she chuckled, "either that, or you cheated."

"I didn't _cheat_," Sammy told her, taking offense at the accusation. "I just had _friends_ who didn't wanna vote me out."

Amy snorted. "Oh, right, _those_ losers. But wait," she said tauntingly, "didn't _you_ vote one of them out?"

"That was an _accident_!" the younger girl said defensively as she dropped a muffler by an irritated-looking Scarlett.

"What kinda dude votes for somebody on _accident_?" Lightning mocked as he walked up carrying the engine. "Oh wait! I know! It's a sha-_loser_ like you!"

"Good point, Lightning," Amy said with a grin. "Samey really _is_ just a loser screw-up who can never do anything right."

"Haha, got that right!" the uber-jock laughed, setting the engine down my the in-progress kart. "Girl couldn't do _anything_ right the whole season! And, uh, Lightning made extra sure to remind her of that whenever he remembered."

"Good job," the mean twin told him with a smile. "Maybe I really _will_ take you back." Lightning pumped his fist in excitement.

"If I may _interrupt_ for a moment," Scarlett spoke up, the camera pulling back to show that Beth was also close at hand carrying a wheel, "but as our kart is nearly finished, any _actual_ assistance with its construction would be appreciated."

"What are you _waiting_ for, Lightning? Amy asked bossily. "Help her out!" The jock nodded blankly, then knelt down to hold the engine in place while Scarlett secured it. "You too, _Samey_!" Amy added more harshly, directing her thoroughly disheartened sister towards the vehicle.

/

A hard rock tune played as several close-ups of the Grips' red go-kart were shown in quick succession – the left front wheel, a seat, the right front wheel, a flag on the bag bearing their team symbol, and the steering wheel as B tightened one final nut in it and Jo hopped into the driver's seat.

"Alright," she told her teammates while revving the engine, "let's see what this baby can _do_!" The other three smiled and piled in to the kart, with B and Dawn on the front seat and DJ standing up in back. Jo grinned cockily, shifted the kart into gear, and looked back over her shoulder. "See you at the finish line!" she called to the Gaffers before speeding off.

The camera panned back to the green kart, which had just been completed as well. "Get in, now!" Scarlett commanded, taking the driver's seat for herself.

"I call shotgun!" Amy shouted, jumping into the other seat while Lightning vaulted over her to sit between his lover and the brainiac. Scarlett revved the engine and put on the gas, leaving Beth and Sammy with little choice but to scramble onto the back before they were left behind.

The music turned hectic as the race began, the camera pulling back to show the trail down the fake hill. Though the Grips were in the lead, Scarlett grit her teeth and turned the steering wheel sharply, causing her kart to cut off the beaten track. The uneven terrain jostled the vehicle, but although glasses and hair strands went askew, none of the five fell off.

Panning back to the Grips, DJ's eyes went wide when he looked back and saw the competition closing the gap. "They're gainin' on us!" he cried, causing Jo to briefly look back to see for herself.

"Ah, crap!" Jo exclaimed, pressing down harder on the gas before she even put her eyes back on the road.

"Look out!" Dawn shouted in panic as Jo looked forward again just in time to see a clothing rack in the middle of the road. She was unable to swerve in time and they crashed through it, the viewpoint shifting to a side shot to show the Gaffers passing them by.

A close-up of Jo grunting in frustration was shown before the camera panned out to show that the Grips were now wearing various costume pieces – Dawn in a top hat and monocle; DJ with a feather boa around his neck; B wearing a horned helmet; and Jo herself with a flowery sun hat. As soon as she noticed it she threw it off, and sped up once again.

Now at the base of the fake hill, the Gaffers sped onto the pavement with the Grips hot on their tail. Four of the five screamed while Scarlett steeled herself, the viewpoint shifting to show them rapidly approaching a wide truck carrying a load of logs – until the camera moved back to the side, revealing it as nothing more than a backdrop set-up in the middle of the road. The Gaffers crashed through it, and the Grips used the opportunity to regain the lead.

And then it was their turn to scream as they approached what seemed to be the abrupt end of a broken dock that had been cordoned off, but it too was merely a backdrop that was soon crashed through. It was the Gaffers' turn to get ahead.

The pattern repeated itself two more times, with the Gaffers crashing through a fake police barricade, followed by the Grips destroying a backdrop painted to look like Saturn and a handful of its moons. Then the Gaffers came upon a creepy old white man standing in the middle of a curve in the road, dressed in a yellow rain coat and holding a hook in his left hand. He, however, turned out not to be a prop – the Gaffers ran into him, sending him flying up into the air.

He landed soon enough, and the camera pulled back to show that he was now on the Grips' kart next to DJ. The gentle giant screamed and so did the creepy old white man with the hook, and a sharp turn courtesy of Jo caused the uninvited passenger to fall off the go-kart. As they sped away, the camera caught the old man standing back up and waving his hook at them angrily.

/

The scene flashed to the finish line, where Chef stood with a flag and Chris stood watching the contestants through a pair of binoculars. "It looks like the teams are neck and neck," he said as the view through his binoculars was shown, showing the two karts continuously exchanging the lead.

"We have to _do_ something!" Dawn declared as the focus moved to the Grips, still wearing the monocle and top hat.

"I'm driving as fast as I can!" Jo told her, clenching the steering wheel and staring intensely at the road.

"Then that leaves me no choice," the mystic said, standing up and grabbing the feather boa and horned helmet that DJ and B were still wearing. "Friends," she shouted to Sammy and Beth, "I apologize if this harms you!" The two Gaffer girls shared a wary look, and Dawn tossed the boa and helmet at the green-colored kart.

The helmet bounced off the front and the boa was quickly caught in the front right wheel, causing the go-kart to swerve and fall behind while Scarlett struggled to regain control. Too focused on the steering wheel she was left unable to duck in time when Dawn threw the top hat too, and it landed on her face.

The monocle was thrown as well, and it struck Amy square in the eye. "Oww! Hey!" she cried in pain as the Gaffers' kart veered out of control.

Dawn smiled and sat back down, greeted by the cheers of her teammates as they sped uncontested towards the finish line.

It was then that their engine spat and sputtered, and to their collective horror the kart began to slow down. "Are outta gas _already_?!" Jo exclaimed, angrily stomping on the gas pedal to no effect.

"Even _worse_," Dawn groaned as the Gaffers, now free of excess clothing, passed them by once again.

Jo pursed her lips and jumped out of the kart. "C'mon, we gotta push!" she ordered, her three panicked teammates jumping out and joining in.

/

The scene moved back to the Gaffers as they raced forward with mostly confident looks on their faces. "Wow, Samey," Amy taunted her sister, the mean twin's right eye slightly swollen, "who knew your friends were almost as pathetic as _you_!"

"I...I...," Sammy stammered before taking a breath and shouting "At least I _have_ friends!"

Amy gasped sharply. "I have more _friends_ than you have people you _know_!" she shot at her sister.

Sammy counter-gasped. "That doesn't even make _sense_, we know all the same people!"

"Shows what _you_ know," Amy said brattily. "You're just the ugly, untalented twin. Nobody even _wants_ to know you!"

Scarlett made noises of disapproval as she drove, but her focus was broken when her engine began to sputter and stall as well. "This can't be _happening_," she muttered as the kart rolled to a stop about a foot away from the finish line.

"_No_...!" Amy breathed in shock.

"Ooh, _so_ close!" Chris told them as the Grips ran up from behind, pushing their kart across the finish line as fast as they could, and Chef waved his flag.

"Second place _again_?!" the mean twin yelled as Scarlett growled in frustration and slammed her fist on the steering wheel.

"First off," the host said as the background music petered out, "I'd like to congratulate both teams for choosing to go green! But in the end, the Grips are the winners!"

He pointed at the winning foursome as triumphant music began to play and they started cheering. "That means, I'll be seeing the _Gaffers_ at tonight's Gilded Chris Ceremony," the host told the sulking and disappointed losers. "And Grips, even though you committed the anything-but-perfect crime," he addressed the winners again, the money sack shown in B's hands, "you get to enjoy _victory_, and your bag of loot."

/

The scene flashed to the interior of one of the cast trailers as money was dumped onto a table. "Hot _dang_ that is a lotta cash," DJ exclaimed excitedly.

"Wait a minute," Jo said as she and Dawn each picked up one of the notes and examined them closely, "this is _fake_!"

"Non-negotiable 'Chris Cash'," Dawn read as DJ and B also took a closer look at the loot. "Accepted only in the Total Drama Action craft services tent towards the purchase of water from the _tap_?"

"Shoulda known," Jo griped. "You can never trust that _smile_ of his."

The camera moved in for a close-up of the note in her hands, showing a smiling portrait of Chris McLean in the center. The shot lingered there for a moment, then faded into a scene of the dressed-up host standing at the amphitheater podium as the Gild Chris theme began to play.

/

"The time has come," the host announced, four statuettes already on a pedestal beside him. "Like always, Screaming Gaffers," he said as the camera panned across the seats, showing Beth and Sammy together in the upper right-hand corner, Amy and Lightning in the lower-left, and Scarlett roughly in the middle, "one member of your team will _not_ be receiving a coveted Gilded Chris, made of the _finest_ Belgian Chocolate." He motioned to the awards, but none of the contestants seemed too interested in what he'd said. "But _not_ like always," the host continued with an impish smile as a dramatic beat played in the background, "and this is _important_, this week you are _not_ allowed to vote off Amy."

The mean twin sniffed haughtily, and shot a devilish glance at her sister who was sitting slack-jawed along with Beth.

"Got that? It wouldn't be good television to have her get voted off the same episode she got here!" Chris explained. "So if you were hoping to get rid of her," the camera followed his gaze over to Sammy and Beth, who looked at each other nervously, "you're gonna have to change your plans."

Hesitantly, the two girls cast their votes. The camera panned down and to the left as Scarlett, Lightning, and Amy did as well, the amphitheater was shown from a distance briefly, and the scene cut back to the stage. Chef descended from off-screen on a rope harness, handed Chris an envelope, and ascended just as quickly.

"The Gilded Chris Awards go to," the host announced as the shot changed to the stands and the music turned tenser and more dramatic, "Beth! Scarlett! Lightning!" One by one the campers caught their prizes, leaving only the twins.

Chris took another look at his envelope and frowned. "Hey, Amy's the one with the _mole_, right?" he asked castmates.

"Umm, it's a _beauty_ mark?!" the mean twin corrected angrily.

"Whatever," the host replied with a dry tone. "More importantly, why did I get _two votes_ to vote out Amy when I specifically said you _couldn't_?"

"We couldn't help it!" Beth said after a quick glance at Sammy.

"I just couldn't bring myself to vote for anybody else!" the nice twin said despondently.

"Well, it's not like it even _matters_," Chris told them with mild annoyance, "since the other three votes were for _Samey_."

"Looks like _I_ win again!" Amy taunted with a vicious grin.

"Oh no!" Beth gasped, looking at her friend and ally.

Her eyes were clenched shut and her head was hung low, and the traditional sombre elimination theme began to play. "Well, it's not like I didn't see this coming," Sammy told the others. "I guess I shouldn't have hoped you'd vote with us tonight, Scarlett." She looked up at the redhead, and tears began to stream down her face.

Scarlett merely looked at her impassively.

xxx

"Why on earth would I align myself with Beth and Sammy?" she asked in the confessional, genuinely confused. "As we're approximately halfway through the competition, the teams should be merging soon and I'll need an alliance in order to stay in the game. Considering the current make-up of the Grips, I can't reasonably expect Beth or Sammy to stay loyal to me. Amy, though?" she smirked devilishly, and folded her hands together on the counter. "So long as she believes herself to be in a position of power over me, I'll get _exactly_ what I need."

xxx

The sombre song resumed as Sammy accepted one final hug from Beth, and began the Walk of Shame. She walked alone for a few moments, head hung silent despair, but stopped suddenly when she heard a voice in front of her and looked up.

"Oh no, I was afraid this would happen," Dawn said sadly as she and DJ walked onto the red carpet. "I shouldn't have tried so hard to win..."

One hand on the locket around his neck, all DJ could say was "Sammy...I..."

"I'm sorry!" Sammy interrupted, now crying openly as she threw her arms around her friends and drew them in to a tight hug. "I should've done more to stay in the game!"

"No, it's not your fault," DJ told her.

"Yes," Dawn added, "your _sister_ is the one who caused your elimination, not you."

"...I know...," Sammy said with a sniff. "Just...good luck, both of you! I love you, and I'll _really_ miss you!" She broke the hug and kissed Dawn on the cheek, though the smaller girl's blush went unnoticed except to the camera. She turned to DJ next, and held out her pendant. The gentle giant did the same, and they briefly joined them into the whole heart-shape before leaning in to a kiss.

The tender moment only lasted a few seconds, though, as Chef Hatchet came along shortly and scooped the eliminated girl up, pushed past her friends, and tossed her into the long-waiting limousine of losers. DJ and Dawn waved a sad goodbye as it sped off in a cloud of exhaust, and the camera cut back up to the stage.

"And that's the end of another _totally_ dramatic episode," Chris told the camera while leaning on his podium. "We lost one twin, but gained a much _better_ one. What other surprises will Amy bring to the game? Find out next time, on Total Drama Action!" He shot a wink and finger pistol at the camera, then hopped into his red sports car which was idling just below the stage.

He sped off recklessly again, and immediately crashed into one of the large stage lights that surrounded the amphitheater. For the third time that day, he shouted "Aww, crap!" from the wreckage.

(Fade to Credits)

/

/

/

**[Bonus Clip]**

Sammy was lying on her back, hand covering her eyes. For several moments the only sound that could be heard from her was a muted sniffle or sob.

"Looks like Amy beat me again," she finally said with a bitter sadness. "I finally found somewhere I was happy, and she just shows up out of the blue and takes it away from me. Just. Like. Always."

She sighed, then pushed herself upright and swung her legs around so she was seated properly; tears were running slowly down both cheeks. "And you know," she told the camera with a deep sniff, "it's almost funny. I was _finally_ ready to try standing up for myself, but I got eliminated before I could really _start_." She leaned against the door, and looked sadly out the window.

"And now I have no _idea_ what I'm going to do," she said idly, wiping away her tears. "I mean, I never really thought I'd _win_, but I thought I'd at least make it to the merge again, and DJ, Dawn, and I would do pretty well. But the season's, like, only half way over, and there's nothing I can do but wait and hope my friends don't get voted out too."

She paused as though suddenly realizing something. "I guess I can apologize to Beardo if I see him again. Maybe see how Bridgette and Geoff are doing too. Plus," she smiled lightly, "I guess I still don't really have to deal with Amy. Although I hope she doesn't turn everyone that's still in the game against me."

Sammy thought for a moment. "As long as DJ and Dawn don't fall for her I think I'll be fine, though. And you know what?" she asked the camera with a hint of confidence. "The next time I see Amy, I think I'll _finally_ give her a piece of my mind!"

* * *

**Author's Note - Post Script**

Yup, I went there. I know some people were hoping Amy would get stuck on the Grips and cause the elimination of one of them (she totally would have voted for DJ if that had happened), I decided that since she's not the type to give her sister a win, she would then get stuck on the Gaffers. After all, the reward for the first part of today's challenge was more _not_ having to put up with Amy than anything else.

This also gives me probably the only shot I'll ever take at developing Amy without Sammy around. I don't know exactly what I'm going to do with her yet, but I'm looking forward to figuring it out.

The sudden return honestly makes this chapter seem odd during the final reviewing process. Like, the whole first half is just continuing on from two weeks ago, exploring the rivalry between Beth and Scarlett compared to the relatively closer Grips. And then Amy shows up out of the blue despite myself and all of you expecting it, and she basically becomes the focus of the chapter from there. As a consequence, a few others are still in need of proper plotlines, but that has already started to change, I think, with next week's episode.

Regarding B, it always bugged me how Owen got his jaw unwired so quickly in canon. I get that it was just to wrap up the plot point before he was eliminated, but it still doesn't really sit well with me. That's why I decided not to have B's shoulder fully healed this episode - I'd rather save that for something more useful.

And finally, the means of Amy's return has been revealed - rather than suing her way onto the show (although that's what she's telling people), it's more a combination of Owen's return from Action, and the merger returns from Island. In other words, she's back simply because Chris thought it was a good idea. How will this change her relationship with the others, and the overall dynamic of the show? You'll just have to wait and see.

I eagerly await your feedback! Until next week,

\- Fangren

* * *

**Appendix: TSA Eliminated Contestants**

Geoff - (Tied for 14th Place)

Bridgette - (Tied for 14th Place)

Shawn - (13th Place)

Alejandro - (12th Place)

Sierra - (11th Place)

Beardo - (10th Place)

Topher - (9th Place)

Sammy - (8th Place)


	14. Chapter 14 - One Million Bucks, BC

**Author's Note**

Hello again! The week passes so quickly, doesn't it? Things on my end continue to proceed smoothly - next episode was fun to write, considering all the one-on-one sports challenges. But that's not for you eyes yet, just something to look forward to next week. This week is the final reward challenge before the merge, and I hope you all like it!

On to the reviews:

**80jj:** Yup, I figured I'd get that reaction to Amy's return from someone. As despicable as she is, Amy is still a character in this story and I want to at least try to give her a chance to be properly developed. As for a second return, not to mention Lightning and Amy's relationship...well, you'll just have to wait and see!

**Cole D. soul:** Yeah, pretty much! Amy's a character who is meant to be hated, but that'll just make whatever her end turns out to be that much more satisfying.

**Ddynamo:** I'm glad you liked the Aftermath! And yeah, I deliberately decided to basically divide the teams up that way - not only is it a good source of contrast and tension between the teams, but it also provides some interesting dynamics within. Hard to believe I still have about half of the season left, though.

**ultrablud2:** Haha, yeah, I'm a little surprised more people didn't see it coming. And as for your predictions for this episode...well, regardless of how things turn out, I hope you enjoy it anyway!

**Koji:** Yeah, I've gotten that a few times since last chapter. In my defense, we don't actually know what a lovesick Lightning is like in canon. But still, it's something I've given a lot of thought to with respect to how I develop Lightning and Amy's relationship.

**Onigiri:** Thanks! And yeah, Scott might have been a better choice for a relationship with Amy based on canon, but I'm actually pretty satisfied with the direction I've taken Lightning here, since it was never explored in the original series.

**Glowing Insanity:** Haha, I'm glad! Thanks for the review as always.

**StarHeart Specials:** I'm gonna take it as a good thing that I made someone so sad with my writing, since I definitely want to provoke emotions and such. So thanks for letting me know!

**Ali6132:** Well, I'm glad you're looking forward to Amy's downfall. Also, I'm pretty sure in canon that Courtney being immune to the first vote after she came back was more due to her new contract, although you're certainly right in that Chris likes to just make things up as he goes along. And as for hints about the two WT contestants...sorry, but I'm not willing to give anything else away at this time.

**bruno14:** Yeah, I honestly didn't expect people to be that surprised with Amy's return, since I pretty much said near the start of the season that she was gonna be coming back. I'm glad you like Beth and Scarlett's rivalry, and that Lightning's started to be funny for you.

**FOWLKON:** Oh, don't worry, I'll give the twins a fitting end to their story arc.

**StayOuttaMyShed:** Honestly, I'm not exactly sure how I'll be developing Amy either, since as you said she doesn't have much to work with being basically a satellite character for her sister. I have at least a vague idea of what direction to take her in, and Sammy being out of the game is gonna be a crucial part of that, but the specifics are something I'm gonna have to figure out as I go along. Maybe it'll work, maybe it'll be a disappointment, who knows? And you've also got a good point about Lightning that I've already been exploring with the next couple chapters - it's a good starting point for exploring the relationship between the two. As for the others...well, you've definitely intrigued me with a few of your thoughts, so even if they don't end up influencing anything I thank you for the feedback anyway!

**acosta perez jose ramiro:** Yup, that's pretty much what she does!

**I. M. Poik:** Predictable though the previous chapter may have been, I'm glad you liked it! Interesting opinions and predictions, by the way. No points for me to correct or comment on, so I'll just look forward to seeing your reaction to future chapters.

**NewAgeHero:** Thanks!

**spader13:** Hmm...well, I agree that Courtney was definitely a screenhog in canon, so I've been at least trying to give the others more focus in comparison - Amy still needs a good chunk of time anyways since she's still 'new' and needs to be explored, but I don't think she'll end up taking more focus than she needs. Other than that, thanks for your thoughts, predictions, and review!

**OMAC001:** Well, I did say Amy was gonna be returning awhile ago...and as horrible as she is, she'll get what's coming to her in the end.

**Star Saber21:** Yeah, that's what I was thinking with Amy's return - no need to have it be exactly like Courtney's, and in fact having it be entirely Chris'' decision opens up some interesting new possibilities. And I did actually consider having B get locked up for the Grips last time, but since he doesn't talk it would be difficult to give him a good solo segment inside the safe - and as smart as he is, I figured I couldn't just keep having him acing every challenge he puts his mind to if only to keep up the tension. Other than that, thanks for the review!

**Knifez:** Yeah, I honestly didn't even consider having Amy turn up at a different point - it makes sense in-story to have her be the teller as in canon, and as you said it would've been more of a pain to justify her getting put on a team at an earlier point. I'll try to keep an eye on the italics again, and as for line breaks for confessionals...well, it's something to consider, but with not liking the line breaks in my original documents it means I'd have to go back and re-add them after uploading each chapter. Your idea to have Amy pose as her sister would be a good one, but with the current cast I don't think anyone would buy it for a second - especially with Dawn still around. The point about maybe slowing down Beth and Scarlett's rivalry is much better, but what's done is done and I'd rather not go back and edit what's already been posted right now. Still, thanks for the review!

As always, here's the breakdown of remaining contestants:

Screaming Gaffers \- Scarlett, Lightning, Beth, Amy

Killer Grips \- Jo, DJ, Dawn, B

With that out of the way, here's our blast to a prehistoric past!

\- Fangren

* * *

**Episode 14 – One Million Bucks, B.C.**

"Last time, on Total Drama Action!" The episode opened with a long-distance shot of the film lot before cutting to the recap, starting with a few scenes from breakfast. "Tensions among the Gaffers rose to an all time _high_ as Beth and Scarlett butted heads," the two young women were shown arguing with one another, culminating in the brainiac leaving the table. "Already losing the respect of her team, Scarlett lost even _more_ when she and DJ were captured and stashed into safes." The brainiac was shown getting kidnapped while she vowed her revenge outside the craft services tent, while the gentle giant was taken after walking into the kitchen with a confused expression.

"After the Gaffers wasted a _lot_ of time," Beth, Lightning, and Sammy were shown trying to open the vault door without success, "Samey decided to bite the bullet and ask their captive leader for _help_." A few clips of the conversation through the air vent were shown, culminating in Scarlett slipping a few slips of paper through it and the door finally swinging open.

"Meanwhile, the Grips lucked out _big time_ when the combo they got a few episodes ago actually worked." Dawn was shown speaking into her team's vent, B entered a code, and Jo turned the handle and opened the door. "_Whaaaat_?!" Chris said defensively over a clip of DJ hugging Dawn and Jo grabbing their bag of tools. "Safes cost a lotta money, okay! We had to skimp _some_where."

"Nice girl Samey got the fright of her life," he continued as the Gaffers' time at the bank wicket was shown, first with Chris popping out to greet them, then teller turning around and throwing off her wig, "when she was faced with none other than _Amy_!" Sammy fainted, and the Grips were shown walking up with shock on their faces as well. "Who, thanks to _yours truly_, " the host said over a clip of the two team's go-kart race, Amy sitting prominently with the Gaffers, "is back in the running!"

"The Gaffers lost," Chris said as the team of five ran out of gas and the Grips managed to push their kart over the finish line, "and due to Scarlett siding with the newcomer," the losing team was shown voting, "the sibling rivalry came to an _abrupt_ end when Samey was voted out." The younger sister was shown giving a tearful goodbye to DJ and Dawn, and lying down on the seat of the Lame-o-sine.

The recap footage ended, and portraits of the remaining contestants were shown on the screen – Dawn, DJ, Jo, and B on the top; Beth, Lightning, Scarlett, and Amy on the bottom. "With only _eight_ contestants left," Chris said before popping up in the foreground, "maybe one of them will stand a chance, on another awe-inspiring episode," the backdrop faded and the camera cut to the host in front of the cast trailer, "of Total! Drama! _Action_!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be...famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be...famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

A small flock of seagulls flew across the morning sun as the episode started, and the camera panned down to the cast trailers. It zoomed in on the girls' residence as Jo exclaimed "And who do you think you _are_, anyway?" The shot cut inside to show the jock-ette berating the cheerleader while she applied her lipstick in the trailer's vanity, while Beth and Dawn sat on their top bunks and watched. "Showing up out of nowhere like you have any right to be here, it makes me _sick_!"

Amy laughed lightly, and continued to examine her face in the mirror. "Please. If _anything's_ making people sick around here, it's your _outfit_. Seriously, it's like you don't even care that people can see you. And besides," she put the cap back on her lipstick and turned around, "like I already said, I was cheated out of the game _three times_, this is just me getting...what's the word?" She tapped her chin in thought for a moment then said, "Oh yeah, condensation."

"It's _compensation_," Beth corrected. "And you weren't cheated out of anything, you just got voted out twice and then you didn't tie for the million with the rest of us!"

"Oh, quite true," Dawn added with a nod and a piercing stare at Amy. "Despite your superiority complex towards your sister you simply aren't as well-liked or lucky. Perhaps if you let go of your irrational hatred for Sammy, you might _actually_ succeed."

"Ex_cuse_ me?" the mean twin asked in offense. "Are you suggesting that _Samey's_ the better twin?"

"Oh yes," Dawn answered bluntly, still sitting cross-legged on top of her bunk. "Personality, looks, intelligence, physical ability...your sister is simply _better_ in every way!" Jo looked up at the mystic, then crossed her arms and smirked.

"Are you _kidding_ me?" Amy screeched, earning a smile from Beth. "Samey's completely _useless_, she's just a bunch of spare parts that has to be told twice to do _anything_! She's not even _here_ right now!"

"Sadly, yes," Dawn admitted. "For reasons unknown, the Universe has seen fit to allow Chris to replace a beloved contestant with _you_. The rest of us can merely hope that this injustice will be rectified soon."

xxx

Amy began her confessional by growling in frustration. "Who does that pale little _weirdo_ think she's talking to? This is _exactly_ why I needed to come here. Now that Samey's finally out of the picture, I can make everyone realize how much better off they are with _me_." She gestured at herself, then crossed her legs and smiled confidently. "I bet they'll all be apologizing by the end of the episode."

xxx

The scene moved over to the guys' trailer as B put his trademark baseball cap on in the mirror and turned it around, then shot himself a finger pistol and confident smirk.

"You're gettin' your cast off today, right?" DJ asked, holding his teammate's coat as the silent boy turned around. B nodded, then stuck his good arm in the corresponding sleeve of his voluminous coat and allowed the other half to be draped over his injured shoulder. "Congrats, man, it must be nice knowin' you're gonna be able to use that arm again."

B nodded confidently again, but had to quickly step out of the way when Lightning barged through the trailer door with only a dark blue towel around his waste. "Make way for the hottest thing this side of the Superbowl," he bragged as he power-walked across the room to the sink and vanity mirror on the other side.

The viewpoint shifted over his shoulder as he began to examine and admire himself in the mirror. He briefly bent over to take a pair of seemingly identical jerseys out of a drawer, and as he held them up against his chest one after the other DJ appeared through the mirror with an amused smirk on his face.

"Dude, since when do _you_ care so much about what you wear?" the brickhouse asked.

Lightning glared into the mirror. "Since his girl came back to the game, sha-_duh_," he answered in an annoyed tone. "Not like you'd know, Lightning's never seen _you_ gettin' dressed up for your loser girlfriend."

"_Hey_!" DJ exclaimed as the camera cut to his close-up, his brow furrowing and his hand reaching up to the pendant around his neck. "Sammy liked how I looked just fine! Maybe _you_ should try hookin' up with someone that doesn't boss you around all the time." He looked over at his teammate, who gave a sort of silent half-laugh and gave DJ a thumbs-up.

"See?" the brickhouse told the uber-jock, "B thinks so too!"

Lightning rolled his eyes. "For your information," he told them, turning around and pointing a finger at DJ, "Lightning's doin' this of his _own_ accord. Amy didn't tell him how to dress, he just sha-wants to impress her!"

DJ and B shared a look, the silent boy shaking his head in amusement while the gentle giant just cracked a smile. "Maybe so, dude, but I'd stay away from that girl if I were you. She is some_ bad news_."

Lightning rolled his eyes, and turned back towards the mirror.

/

"So like I was saying," Amy said, quickly and smugly, to her thoroughly annoyed and uninterested roommates, "that's how I managed to win my lawsuit and come here where I deserved to be from the _beginning_."

"Oh, are we still discussing your return?" Scarlett said as she entered the trailer, making a few final adjustments to her bun. "I had assumed you all would have gotten over it by now, seeing as there's no chance Chris will listen to your complaints."

"Doesn't stop us from _complaining_," Jo scoffed.

"Yeah," Beth added, still sitting on her bunk. "You'd be mad too if Amy hadn't already joined your _alliance_."

"Umm, loud cough of _interrup_-" Amy began to say indignantly, attempting to voice a clearing of her throat but in turn getting cut off by a loud and deep sound that shook the trailer.

"Holy cow, what was _that_?!" Beth exclaimed, now hanging from her bed by one hand.

/

The scene flashed over to a laughing Chris McLean, dressed in a leopard-print full-body loincloth and holding the mouthpiece of a massive curved horn that appeared to be made of shell or bone. He caressed the horn at the end of his laugh, and sighed happily.

/

The footage skipped ahead as the castmates assembled, lining up according to gender – Amy, Beth, Scarlett, Dawn, Jo, Lightning, B, and DJ.

"Eww, what are you _wearing_?" Amy asked in disgust.

"Oh my, I hope that isn't _real_ leopard skin," Dawn added with concern.

"Don't worry!" the host told her with a smile. "It's a fake!" He became suddenly thoughtful, and added "I _think_..."

Jo snorted. "Well, whatever it is, it looks ridiculous."

"If you think _that's_ ridiculous," Chris said with an indignant frown, "then wait 'til you hear today's challenges! Now, let's get started!"

A particularly loud throat-clearing put everyone's attention on B as he pursed his lips and pointed at his slinged-up arm.

"Oh yeah," the host said absentmindedly, "forgot about that. Hey, Chef!" he turned his head and called off-screen, answered quickly by the hulking man as he walked over in a slightly darker full-body loincloth of his own. He looked at Chris, who pointed over at the silent young man. "B needs his splint taken off, okay?"

"Yeah yeah," Chef grumbled as he walked over to B, "keep your loincloth on. And you," he told the large boy, "take your coat off." B complied, removing the coat from his immobilized shoulder first as the camera panned back to Chris.

"While that's being taken care of," he told the others, "I might as well get a few _formalities_ out of the way." The shot briefly cut to Scarlett, Jo, and Lightning quirking an eyebrow each. "Because of B's _unfortunate_ injury, myself and the producers have decided to give him a _little_ bit of compensation," he told them, holding his fingers in a near-pinch for a few moments. "It took some time to work everything out, but here's the rub: first, nobody, and I mean _nobody_," he held up a finger and looked at the contestants sternly, "is allowed to deliberately strike, bump into, or otherwise cause harm to the shoulder he broke. I don't wanna deal with any lawsuits."

"Umm, loud cough of interruption much?" Amy said in an annoyed tone.

Chris rolled his eyes. "Any _more_ lawsuits," he corrected, raising a second finger. "Second, in addition to the therapeutic support pillow that's already been provided, B will _also_ be receiving a one-time-only chance at a gourmet dining experience consisting of his favorite foods, and should he exit the game without winning it, he will be awarded a check for _ten thousand dollars_."

DJ whistled. "Dang, dude really scored!"

"What can I say?" the host shrugged. "For someone who doesn't talk, he drives a hard bargain."

The camera panned over to the boy in question, now bare-chested and without his figure-of-eight splint. He moved his left arm around to test it, then rubbed his left knuckles against his chest and blew on them with a smirk.

"Ehh, I woulda gone for more money," Jo said, "but hey, no skin off _my_ bones if you wanna be modest."

"Umm, _hello_?" Amy spoke up indignantly. "Isn't anybody gonna say how _unfair_ this is? I'm the one who sued, and I didn't get anything like that!"

"Gee, I wonder why," Chris deadpanned.

"Well, you _did_ get on the show," Beth told her. "And that's probably more than you deserve."

"Plus, B was _actually_ injured," Jo added. "You're just a sore loser."

"Sha-_hey_, you sayin' my Amy doesn't deserve to be in the competition?" Lightning asked, glaring at his teammate.

"Dude, we've been sayin' that ever since she _got_ here!" DJ told him, causing the uber-jock to look suddenly hurt.

"It's true," Dawn said as Amy huffed and looked away. "The only ones who truly believe you deserve your presence here are yourself and Lightning. It's quite clear in everyone's auras."

"So what?" Amy spat at the shorter girl. "You think I _care_ what any of you think?"

"Yes," Dawn answered bluntly. "In fact, you want nothing _more_ than to have us, and others, think highly of you. It's one of the biggest reasons you're so cruel to Sammy."

"Uggh!" the mean twin screamed. "Would you stop talking about _Samey_?! I got her eliminated, she doesn't _matter_ anymore! Not that she ever _did_..."

"She did," Dawn whispered softly, "and far more than you will ever know."

"What did you just say to me?" Amy asked in a harsh tone. When Dawn merely stared at her silently, the cheerleader grit her teeth and clenched her fists. "_Fine_," she spat after a moment, "it looks like once again, I have to prove that I will _always_ be the better sister."

"You won't succeed," Dawn told her plainly, causing Amy to grit her teeth and snarl in frustration at the other girl.

"While I'm lovin' this show of hostility," Chris said as he walked by the two girls with a smile on his face, "I think today's challenges will help bring out your more...," he thought for a brief second before smirking and brandishing his fingers like claws, "_primal_ instincts. Today's genre," he announced, sticking a finger dramatically into the air "the _Period_ Movie!"

"Ooooh," Beth gushed from her place next to Scarlett and Dawn, "I _love_ period movies! All the pretty petticoats and dresses with puff sleeves!"

"Hey, you better not be thinking about putting a _dress_ on me, McLean," Jo told the host indignantly while Scarlett palmed her face and groaned.

"I don't think that'll be a problem," the brainiac said dryly, "seeing how we're clearly doing a _Paleolithic_ theme, or at least the cinematic approximation of one."

"Exactamundo, Scarlett!," the host said as a few primitive-sounding drumbeats and grunts played in the background. "Don't know why the _rest_ of you didn't guess that, considering my _loincloth_," he added in an annoyed tone, motioning to his garment.

"Paleo-what now?" Lightning asked in confusion.

"It's the _Stone Age_," Beth corrected.

"_Early_ Stone Age, to be precise," Scarlett counter-corrected while adjusting her glasses. "Not that it matters as we'd be portraying poorly-researched 'cave people' either way," she explained dryly and with air quotes.

"Oh," Lightning said blankly, "why didn't you just say so?"

"Hey, no talking!" Chris told them sharply. "Cave people grunt and look confused, so for once, you're all perfectly cast!"

"_Some_ more than _others_," Scarlett muttered under her breath with a look at Lightning, and then at Jo.

"Okay," the host continued, "cave people in prehistoric flicks do _two_ things: make fire, and use tools made of bones. Technically," he added, raising a hand above his head as if preparing to strike something, "you should also know how to bring down a mammoth with a _stick_, but since we didn't have enough room in the _budget_, no mammoth, no challenge."

He walked over to a clothing rack bearing several loincloths of various sizes and colors, where Chef was now standing. "_Here_ are your costumes," the host told the castmates. "Get into character, people!"

"Um, you have _got_ to be kidding," Amy said irately.

"I _never_ kid," Chris told her, quickly losing his serious tone to a bout of laughter. "Actually I do, but never about something this _funny_."

"Sha-hey, at least you'll be the hottest cave girl here!" Lightning told his girlfriend.

"I'm already the hottest _normal_ girl," Amy shot back as they walked towards the costume rack, "I'd rather _not_ wear some smelly animal skins, thank you very much."

/

The scene flashed over to an obvious prehistoric-inspired set consisting of multiple strange-looking trees set up against a backdrop of rock spires. The camera zoomed in on a central hillock, then cut to a close-up of Chris as he walked through the area. "Hello, _cast_," he greeted with a grin grin. "Nice to see you all decked out for the competition!"

The castmates were shown lined up in a row according to their teams and wearing the loincloths that had been provided: Lightning and DJ in skimpy pieces that showed off their muscular chests; Beth, Jo, and B in full-body loincloths similar to the ones worn by Chris and Chef; and Amy, Scarlett, and Dawn in what amounted to furry bikinis.

"And might I say," the host told them all, "you all look pre-_hysterical_!"

"Are you _certain_ this isn't real leopard skin?" Dawn asked uneasily as she looked down at her outfit.

"_Ouch_!" Amy winced, rubbing her backside where something small and white seemed to be sticking out. "Did you like, remember to have these _declawed_?"

xxx

The footage cut to the host in his control tent. "Please note," he calmly told the camera, "no animals were harmed in the making of this television program. _Okay_," he scowled and looked off-camera, "we good?"

xxx

"I'll get it for ya!" Lightning volunteered, picking at the troublesome piece with a suddenness that made Amy blush.

"Chef!" the host exclaimed dramatically. "The tools for the first stone age challenge, _please_!"

"Here's your _rocks_," the larger man obliged, joylessly handing out a single rock to each castmate from the pile he was carrying. Dawn accepted hers with a blank face and immediately started to look closely at it, and B did the same but with more enthusiasm. Jo was last to be shown, and immediately raised an eyebrow at the stone in her hand.

"_Rocks_?" the jock-ette repeated in disbelief. "I know this is 'Stone Age' day, but what are we even supposed to _do_ with these?"

She was met with an annoyed glare from B, who began to point at his rock and gesticulate at Jo the moment she met his eyes. "Uhh, translation please?" she asked Dawn.

"Hmm?" the aura whisperer replied, looking over at Jo and B for a moment while the latter continued to make hand gestures. "Oh, B's just saying that stoneworking is a cornerstone of civilization, and an incredibly important innovation, and that he could do more things with the stones we've been given than you can even count."

Jo's face filled with surprise, and she looked at her silent teammate who had crossed his arms confidently. "Jeez, never knew you cared so much about _rocks_."

"Really?" Dawn asked her. "It's quite obvious once you get to know him!"

B nodded his agreement, and Jo just looked bewildered.

(Fade to Commercial and Back)

A long-distance shot of the film lot was shown as the episode resumed, before cutting back to Chris as he explained the first challenge. "First team to collect the hidden firewood," he told them, "and use the _flint_-stones to make fire, earns something to help 'em with the second challenge! Ready?" he furrowed his brow deviously as the camera zoomed in for a close-up. "Aaand, a_ction_!"

The Grips looked startled for a moment, but quickly scattered.

/

The scene skipped ahead, showing Amy pointing at a bush and Lightning picking up a stack of wood from behind it while Beth ran past them. Scarlett walked calmly into the foreground, looking around inquisitively, but before she could take another step she was grabbed by Chef Hatchet.

"Unhand me!" she demanded with a faint blush as Chef dragged her over to him. "It's difficult enough preserving my _modesty_ like this without you treating me like a piece of scenery!"

"Hand it over," Chef told her sternly, indifferent to her protests.

Scarlett's eyes briefly went wide. "Hand over _what_ exactly?"

"You know what I'm talkin' about," the man grumbled. "Camera guy caught you pickin' up somethin' that fell outta that Tent-Wrecker's coat. Could be a _lighter_ or somethin'!"

The brainiac pursed her lips, but looked slightly relieved. "It was just a _screwdriver_," she told her captor, taking the tool out and handing it over.

"Whatever," Chef told her uncaringly.

Just then, Beth ran by screaming. "Somebody help! I think it wants to _eat_ me!" The camera cut to her as she ran out from behind a particularly large tree carrying a load of firewood and getting chased by one of the large, predatory Woolly Beavers similar to the ones that had inhabited Boney Island the previous season. As she kept running and screaming, Chris walked over to Chef and Scarlett, laughing happily.

"Looks like Beth found the wooden beaver dam from the set of '_Rodents_, Who _Kill_!" he told the camera with a few dramatic notes and hand gestures.

Beth and the beaver ran past behind them, prompting Chef to chuckle and add "And 'Rodents Who Kill: Part Two'!"

"For the love of maple syrup, somebody _help_!" the dorky girl screamed as she ran past in front of the three, dropping a piece of wood as she was chased by _two_ beavers.

"Huh," Scarlett said blankly as she watched her teammate run around. "Incidentally, are those beavers _real_, or animatronic?" She looked over at the host who seemed to be thinking it over, then creased her brow and looked away. "On second thought," she said dryly, "forget I asked."

xxx

Beth gave her confessional covered with scratches and scrapes, hair messed up and bandages being wrapped around her forehead and right arm by someone mostly off-screen.

"Ever since Sammy was voted out," she told the camera, "I've been getting worried that I'll be the next one to go. Amy and Lightning are _basically_ in an alliance," she said with a hint of thoughtfulness, "and I'm pretty sure Scarlett's with 'em, too. That means, if I wanna stay in this game," determination took over her expression, "then I gotta start winning challenges! Who _cares_ if this one's only for reward?" She shrugged, then winced in pain.

xxx

"Don't just _stand_ there," the wannabe shouted at Scarlett, who was now watching alone, "give me a _hand_!"

Scarlett pursed her lips and rolled her eyes, then picked up the piece of wood Beth had dropped earlier. She threw it at the lead beaver, landing it in its mouth and causing it to skid to a sudden and startled halt. The second beaver, however, did not stop as well, and soon collided with its companion. As the two rodents began to snarl and squabble with each other, a relieved Beth rejoined her teammate.

"_Finally_!" she admonished the brainiac. "Couldn't you have done that _before_?"

"Yes," Scarlett said simply, grabbing the wood out of Beth's arms and walking off. "Now go find more," she commanded, leaving Beth to pout in annoyance.

A growling alerted her to that the killer beavers had ceased fighting, and Beth began to run and scream away from them again.

The camera cut back to Scarlett, then panned over to the Grips who were now gathered around a fire pit.

"So does banging rocks together actually make fire?" Jo asked as she tested it out with two of the stones her team had been given while B arranged the firewood that DJ and Dawn had brought. "I always thought that was something made up for movies."

B gave her a so-so sign, then started striking the team's other pair of rocks together. "B says you need to have the _right_ rocks, otherwise it doesn't work," Dawn interpreted.

xxx

"There are _right_ rocks?" Jo asked the camera incredulously. "I guess I should give cave people a little more credit if they could figure out which rocks were which."

xxx

"Well, I can see why people invented _lighters_," Jo deadpanned as she banged her rocks together to no effect.

"Just give it some time," DJ told her. "One of you are _bound_ to get sparks eventually, right?"

"Only if you use the proper technique," Scarlett interjected smugly from the Gaffers' campfire, striking rocks together while Amy and Lightning watched.

"Who asked you, _Wilma_?" Jo shot at the brainiac.

xxx

"Did she just compare me to a cartoon _housewife_?" Scarlett asked the camera incredulously before quickly shaking her head. "It doesn't matter. Although I still intend on getting revenge on her for forcing this season to happen in the first place, I can let her more _pathetic_ insults slide. There's really nothing she can do to get under my skin."

xxx

"Would you look at that," Jo told the confessional camera, "Little Miss Know-It-All acting like she's _so_ much smarter than the rest of us. I'll have you know, I score top marks in all my classes back home. I just don't need to show it off since B does that kinda stuff _faster_."

xxx

"Man," Lightning confessed with a dopey smile, "have you _seen_ Amy in that fur bikini? She is lookin' sha-_fine_ today!"

xxx

"Things are _finally_ heating up!" Chris announced happily before the focus moved back to the Grips.

"C'mon, you can do it!" DJ cheered as Jo struck her rocks together with a glare, producing a few tiny sparks. The camera panned over to the Gaffers, showing that a beaten and bruised Beth had rejoined her comrades while Scarlett struck her rocks and returned Jo's glare.

"I _love_ it when sparks fly!" the host told the camera.

The focus alternated between Jo and Scarlett as they banged their stones and glared at each other, the music growing tenser and the close-ups getting closer with each pass. The two were eventually shown in a split-screen together, and as they each prepared another strike, the sound of a fire being lit startled them both.

Scarlett's half of the screen slid away and the camera pulled back from Jo, revealing a roaring fire and victorious-looking B.

"Oh yeah, you did it man!" DJ cheered.

"Great work, B!" Dawn added happily.

Jo shot a smug look over at Scarlett, who grit her teeth in anger.

"Looks like your technique wasn't _proper_ after all!" Chris told her with a laugh. "Grips win the first challenge!"

While Scarlett looked annoyed, Amy spoke up. "Hey, how come _B_ made fire first? Did you, like, give him better _rocks_ or something because of his _injury_? Because that's not fair to the rest of us!" She and her boyfriend both glared at the silent boy, who raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

"The effects team has assured me that all the flints are pretty much the _same_," Chris told her. "Of course, had any of you actually helped Scarlett, maybe one of you woulda figured out how to use them properly, like _so_." He took the rocks out of the redhead's hands and struck them together once, sparking a roaring blaze in the Gaffers' fire pit.

Scarlett growled in frustration, and Amy just sniffed dismissively and looked away.

/

The film lot was shown from a distance again as the same loud and deep horn blared. The shot cut to Chris standing with the massive instrument, grinning proudly. "Yup!" he told the camera. "Still _lovin_' this crazy thing!"

/

A flash took the scene to the contestants lined up with their back to a bubbling tar pit. "Time for our _second_ caveman movie challenge!" the host announced as he walked into view. "But first, Chef will pass out your rewards from this morning. Chef?" he called out. "Weapons, please!"

The camera cut to Chef as he pulled a brown sheet off what turned out to be a pile of bones, all either femurs or humeri.

"Hold up," DJ said, mildly disturbed, "you sayin' our reward is _bones_?"

"Hey, for cave people bones were _cutting-edge_ technology," Chris told him as Chef handed out a tiny arm bone to each of the Screaming Gaffers, and larger leg bones to the Killer Grips.

"Umm, loud cough of interruption?" Amy spoke up. "How come _they_ get the big bones, and _we_ get _these_ tiny things?"

"Because they won the first challenge?" Chris replied with disbelief. "I thought that was pretty _obvious_."

"O-oh, right, I _totally_ knew that," the mean twin stammered in embarrassment. "Thanks a _lot_, Samey," she muttered angrily, turning her head towards her teammates but not really paying them any attention. "It's all _your_ fault we get the _crappy_ weapons..."

"Uh, Sammy isn't here anymore, remember?" Beth said, her bewildered look at the cheerleader mirrored by Scarlett.

Amy blushed furiously. "Like, _duh_, obviously! I meant to say _Scarlett_, but Samey's name just came out automatically."

xxx

"What?!" the mean twin asked the make-up trailer camera with her cheeks tinged with slight embarrassment. "With how much Samey screws up, why _wouldn't_ I think everything is her fault? I just have to get used to _not_ having her around for once in my life."

She stared at the camera blankly for a moment, before an excited grin cracked on to her face. "Oh em gee, I'm finally free of that little _pest_! Why didn't I realize this sooner? For once in my life I don't have to worry about her messing things _up_ for me!"

xxx

Chris cleared his throat, hands on his hips and visibly annoyed. "The props department for caveman movies are _bare-bones_," he informed them, holding up a small arm bone. "Which means _these_ are all actors have to fight their on-screen enemies with."

"Enemies?" DJ asked in mild alarm. "What kinda enemies are we talkin' about?"

"Each _other_ of course!" Chris announced excitedly. "Grip Tribe versus Gaffer Tribe!"

"Sounds like my kinda challenge," Jo said with a confident smirk as she hefted the giant femur she'd been given.

"Figures," Scarlett told her, "since you're about as _sophisticated_ as a proto-human." Jo frowned and swung her bone at the brainiac, who quickly blocked it with her own smaller weapon.

"Lovin' the enthusiasm, ladies," Chris told them, "only you'll be fighting over _there_!" He pointed to the bubbling tar pit behind them, and the camera panned over to a pair of rough stone pillars standing in the middle of the tar pit.

"Each player that knocks his or her opponent off the column into that fake bubbling tar pit," he explained as the camera cut to a close-up of the pit, "scores a _point_ for their team." The shot cut back to the grinning host as he dramatically proclaimed "To the tar pits!"

/

B and Beth were the first pair up, the silent boy on the left looking almost comically larger than the dorky girl on the right.

"I'd say I'd go easy on you because of your shoulder," Beth told her friend cautiously, "but I kinda think I'll need all the help I can get."

The silent genius just shrugged evenly, his large weapon resting against his former injury.

"When do we start, anyway?" Beth called down to the host.

"Oh don't worry," Chris answered with a dark smile, "you'll know!" He laughed a few times, then took a deep breath and blew hard into his massive curved horn.

The booming noise startled the two contestants, causing each to nearly lose their balance. It was B who recovered first, however, leaning forward and nudging Beth with his bone. Already unsteady, that was all it took for her to fall backwards off the column and plunge screaming into the tar below.

"Aww, man!" she groaned when she resurfaced covered in fake tar. A quick-pan back up to B showed him shrug apologetically, and a cut showed the other Grips celebrating.

"That's one point for the Grips!" Chris said from off-screen, and the shot cut to Beth as she pulled herself out of the pit.

"Wow, thanks for helping me, _teammates_," she told Amy, Lightning, and Scarlett.

"Thanks for _losing_," Amy shot back. "Like, you didn't even _try_ to knock him off."

"Next up," Chris said as he walked over to the squabbling team, "DJ and Lightning!"

"Sha-_score_!" the overachiever cheered, pumping his fist. "It's Lightning's time to _shine_!"

His revery was broken by a sudden and terrifying roar from above, the shot cutting to above the columns as a few prehistoric geese similar to the ones that had lived on Boney Island flew into view.

"Uh-oh," Chris said, "looks like Beth's blood-curdling screams have attracted a _swarm_ of prehistoric pterodactyls! _This_," he said as the camera switched back to his close-up, "should make things interesting!"

"Man, those look almost sha-_real_!" Lightning said, looking up in awe.

"Yeah," Chris said while quickly backing away from the uber-jock, "_almost_ real."

/

The monstrous geese were still circling when the footage flashed ahead, panning slightly to the left to show Lightning staring the camera down. "Dude, you _better_ not be thinkin' you can beat the Lightning," he said, raising his bone, "so just save us all the trouble and jump off now!"

DJ cringed in terror as the geese around them roared, but gripped his bone tightly with both hands and focused on his opponent. "I'm not backin' down!" he told the uber-jock. "I don't care _what_ happens!"

As though on cue, one of the geese rammed him in the back, causing him to fall towards Lightning. The brickhouse managed to hang on by grabbing his foe by the loincloth while the goose flew off, but with his feet only just touching the edge of his column he looked about to fall at any moment.

"Let go, dude!" Lightning told him, panicking as he tried to hold his only garment with one hand and brandish his bone-club in the other.

"No way!" DJ replied with a squeak. Lightning responded with a growl and a club to the gentle giant's back, but while it did cause DJ to fall the brickhouse's continued grip on Lightning's loincloth meant the overachiever was quickly destabilized, and fell off as well.

xxx

"I know it wasn't a win," DJ told the confessional camera, utterly coated with tar, "but at least I didn't _lose_. And while I've _never_ liked any of the nasty stuff they make us do on this show," he added with a smile, "takin' Lightning down with me felt _good_." His face fell suddenly, and his brow furrowed with worry. "I hope Momma isn't mad at me. But then again, he _is_ datin' my girlfriend's evil twin, so I think she'd be fine with it."

xxx

The two boys were shown splashing into the tar and quickly surfacing, most of the other contestants looking disappointed by the result except Dawn.

"Uhh, is this?" DJ asked, holding up some tar-covered wad and looking at it in confusion.

Lightning looked down at his body, then looked over at his foe with widened eyes. "Gimme that back, dude!" he exclaimed, quickly pulling the wad away from DJ despite it sticking for a few moments. With what looked to be a blush under his tar-covered face he climbed out of the pit, his groin getting pixellated immediately.

"And with that tie," Chris said, ducking into the shot with a grin on his face, "the score is still 1-0 to the Grips. Next up, Jo and Scarlett!"

/

Jo was hunched over on the top of her column, twirling her large thigh bone and smirking confidently. "Lucky me that I get _you_ as my opponent," she taunted the unimpressed brainiac standing opposite her. "I won't even break a sweat! And since DJ and Jockstrap _tied_, this whole challenge has practically been handed to us!"

"Oh, _yeah_," Scarlett replied with a sarcastic smile, "you have such an advantage in this match, I don't know what I'll do!"

Jo gave her an unamused frown just as the horn was sounded, signaling the start of the fight. Jo immediately took a swipe at Scarlett, but the wiry redhead ducked and used her weapon to deflect the blow over her head. The jock-ette's scowl deepened, but before she could make another move a grunting noise got the attention of both competitors.

A pair of woolly beavers had arrived at the edge of the tar pit. The shot cut back to the duelists, both shooting curious looks down at the rodents.

"Pfft, who cares?" Jo said after a second. "They're not even _real_!" She took another swipe at Scarlett, who just barely leaned out of the way in time; the brainiac made no attempt to counter, and simply looked from her opponent to the lurking beavers.

xxx

"Incidentally," she told the confessional camera with her hands clasped on the counter, "I'm almost certain those beavers _were_ real. Not that it mattered, since even if they were animatronic they were _clearly_ there to interfere with the challenge."

xxx

"Would you just stand still for a moment?" Jo griped as she missed another swing at her opponent, who still kept looking between the jock-ette and the beavers. "And stop looking at the _scenery_, would ya?"

"Jo!" Dawn called out suddenly as the music rose and became tense. "You must watch out, those beavers are _real_ and they're headed your way!"

"What?" the dueling girl replied with considerable disbelief, finally looking down again as the two beavers jumped into the tar and began to swim across towards the columns. "Better make this quick then," she commented before quickly blocking a thrust from Scarlett and jabbing her bone back crosswise.

"Hurry up!" DJ cried out. "I think those things are _hungry_!"

"You better not mess this up because of some overgrown rats, Scarlett!" Amy hollered before the camera cut back to the beavers. One began to climb the column on the right – the one assigned to the Gaffers – while the other took a large bite out of it.

"Huh, who knew prehistoric beavers ate _plaster_?" Jo commented idly as Scarlett's column began to sway and the redhead struggled to keep her balance. "Not that I'm complaining about the _assist_, though," she added with a smirk before thrusting the oversized femur in her hands towards her opponent.

"I was about to say the same _thing_!" Scarlett said with an odd smile as she deliberately let her column sway away from Jo's weapon so that it missed her, then grabbed the larger bone and pulled. The force of the maneuver caused the two to be pulled towards each other, bringing Scarlett and her column temporarily back upright and the overextended Jo stumbling forward until she fell into the tar with a splash.

The climbing beaver reached the top of Scarlett's column moments later, and its weight sent the whole thing toppling. Tossing away her bone, the brainiac quickly jumped onto the vacant pillar, clinging to it and to safety. The other column fell, and both beavers dived into the tar moments after.

"Ahahahaha!" Chris laughed. "That was _awesome_! Would've preferred to see some _beaver_ carnage, but! You can't have everything. Anyways, that leaves the teams tied at one-all and _us_ with a grudge match between Amy and Dawn!" He grinned and raised one finger on each hand, then brought them next to each other. "On the _same_ column! You just can't write this stuff!"

The camera pulled back to show the two girls standing on either side of the host. Amy smirked darkly, then said "Why _bother_ even having the final round? Like, we all _know_ who's gonna win."

Dawn gave no reply but a calm stare with her hands clasped behind her back.

/

The background quickly rose again to a deep wail as the scene flashed to a close-up of the lone remaining column, the camera panning up to show the two blondes crammed together on the top. Dawn seemed almost dwarfed by the size of her weapon, which she was holding crosswise behind her back, and she appeared much more stable than Amy. The cheerleader was already wobbling now and again, but her smaller bone was raised and ready to strike.

"I hope you're ready for a _tar bath_, because that's all you're gonna get," Amy taunted.

"Oh, I don't think _that's_ gonna happen," Dawn replied with a light laugh.

The horn sounded, and Amy took a first strike that was not only easily dodged, but nearly caused her to lose what little footing she had. "Whoa-oa-oah!" she screamed, flailing her arms about and eventually regaining her balance – but in the process accidentally knocking her bone against Dawn's. The weapon was jarred from the cheerleader's hand and plunged to the tar below, causing her opponent to gasp.

"Oh no!" the two girls cried at the same time, and for what were quickly revealed to be different reasons when one of the prehistoric beavers rose up from the tar with a lump on its head.

xxx

"I feel _so_ ashamed," Dawn confessed. "For a moment, I _actually_ considered provoking those beautiful creatures myself! Fortunately," she smiled, "they're naturally quite territorial, and they just didn't seem to like Amy!"

xxx

"What is Dawn's _deal_, anyway?" Amy asked the make-up trailer camera. "Like, does she actually think people buy her creepy magic nature-loving _weirdness_? Uggh. She should just go live in a tree somewhere so normal people like _me_ don't have to deal with her."

xxx

With a bellowing roar that nearly shook both girls off the column, the beaver reared back and took a massive bite out of the plaster pillar. The camera quick-panned back to the top as it started to shake and fall, and Amy stumbled off it with a squealing scream.

The shot cut back to ground level as the beaver dived down again and the pillar fell, the mean twin splashing into the tar and Dawn calmly riding the column's tip down to the ground in a meditative stance, jumping off at the last second and landing perfectly with her eyes closed.

Chris laughed, and the footage paused. "I _gotta_ check that out again," he said, and the footage rewound to just before Amy fell. It replayed in slow-motion, and the host paused and zoomed in on Amy's horrified expression as she fell. "Hahahaha! That was _great_!"

"Well," the host said as the footage resumed normally and Amy crawled her way out of the tar pit in the background, "I'd say the Gaffers had a better chance at the one million B.C.! B.C.," he repeated, "_before_ _carnivores_! As for the Grips, they win today's reward!" He motioned off to the side, the camera panning over to show Chef Hatchet driving up in a golf cart with a truly gargantuan side of ribs strapped to the roof. "A _mammoth_-size prehistoric barbecue!"

The cart drove past B, Jo, and DJ, the latter two still covered in tar, and came to a stop right next to the tar pit as the winning team cheered. "Ehh, it's a living," Chef told the camera nonchalantly.

"Don't worry," Chris added, "the Grips may have won today's reward, _but_," he took a large egg out from behind his back, "we're not gonna let the Gaffers go hungry."

He tossed the egg to the tar-covered Lightning, who looked at it suspiciously. "A giant egg? Lightning thinks he's seen something like this before..."

"Should be enough for four," Chris told the losing team. "You'd better get to work on your _fire_, though!" The camera cut over to the Gaffers' fire pit from earlier that day, which was still pitifully unlit. Beth and Lightning stared at it blankly, and the host added "Maybe the Grips will throw you a bone when they're done?"

"Mmm, mmm, I love me some barbecue," DJ said excitedly as he and Jo approached the cart, followed by B and Dawn.

"This almost makes up for losing to _Scarlett_!" Jo added with a smile.

As they approached Chef got out of his seat, but in doing so caused the cart to begin rolling towards the tar pit. The Grips were shown gasping in shock, and the camera focused in on the cart as it rapidly approached the tar pit, began to tilt, and finally stopped. The shot pulled back to show Jo holding on to the front of the cart, DJ holding her around the waist, B holding onto his waist, and Dawn at the end holding onto B's arm helplessly.

"Alright, pull!" Jo commanded. "I'm not letting our hard-earned meal get away _that_ easily! Not because some two-bit chef doesn't know how to _park_!"

As the four began to pull the camera panned over to Chef, who rolled his eyes and walked away with a grumble.

"Darn," Chris said, walking over with an impish smile on his face, "and here I was hoping to see the four of you use those bones to hunt like _real_ cave people!"

"Ahh, shove it McLean!" Jo yelled at him as the Grips managed to drag the cart back onto level ground.

The camera panned over to the Gaffers, Lightning still giving suspicious looks at the giant egg in his hands and Scarlett the only one not covered in tar.

"What I wouldn't _give_ to be on that team," Beth sighed wistfully.

"What I wouldn't give to be on the _winning_ team," Amy said frustratedly, earning an unnoticed eyeroll from Scarlett. "Although," the mean twin added ponderously while looking at her hands, "this tar _does_ feel pretty good. I bet it'll be _great_ for my skin."

"Good for you," Scarlett deadpanned. "Why don't _you_ go look in to that, and _I'll_ get started on that egg." She went to grab the egg out of Lightning's hands, but the tar made it stick to him fairly tightly.

Her face briefly fell into an annoyed expression, but it was quickly replaced when a terrifying cry rang through the air.

"Uhh, Lightning?" Chris cautiously told the uber-jock. "I think the pterodactyl wants its _egg_ back." The monster goose was shown hovering in the sky above, and it quickly dive-bombed the contestants below.

The overachiever screamed and his teammates scattered, and the goose was soon on top of Lightning, buffeting him with its wings.

"Aaaaaah!" the athlete screamed. "Lightning _knew_ this seemed familiar!"

The shot cut back to Chris and Chef, who were cringing at the fight happening just off-screen. They looked at each other, and shrugged helplessly. "Ehh, they'll be _fine_," the host said right before another goose-cry was heard. "Probably. And hey, at least _we'll_ be eating nice tonight!" Chef nodded happily.

They looked over at the Grips, who were now digging in to their reward dinner. "Hey big guy," Chris called to B, "you wanna have that dinner you were promised? We're having surf and turf tonight!"

B shook his head, and resumed pulling a large rib off the rack. "Another time then," Chris shrugged before he and Chef walked off. They passed the Gaffers as they went, Lightning now pinning the goose to the ground while Beth and Amy watched nervously and Scarlett, now grinning, finally lit the team's fire.

xxx

"Well _that_ was a bust," Amy said with a blunt and sulking tone, blowing up at her bangs while leaning back in the confessional chair. "Skin care aside, I did _not_ come out of that challenge looking good." She leaned towards the mirror and adopted a look of concern before continuing. "I hate to say it, but I might actually have to _work_ to get these losers to see how much better I am!"

xxx

"If you're watching this, Sammy," Dawn told the make-up trailer camera with a sweet smile, "I want you to know that I shall do my _best_ to avenge your elimination, and ensure your sister does not succeed! Well," she added with a light giggle, "within _reason_, of course. Vengeance is no reason to harm the Earth Mother."

xxx

The next bout of static transitioned to a confessional from the host himself, picking his teeth with one hand and holding a coconut drink in the other. "I know everyone was hoping for Amy to get badly hurt," he said, "which is _good_, because it means bringing her back was the right call." He paused to take a sip from the straw in his coconut. "Sadly, it just didn't work out this time. Maybe the others just need another _push_." He shrugged, then picked his teeth again.

"Anywho, see ya next time, kiddies!" he told the camera. "Same Chris time," he tossed his toothpick away, "same Chris channel!" He tossed the coconut away next, and a tinkling crash from off-camera soon indicated it had broken something. "Uhh, wasn't me!" Chris called nervously before dashing off in the opposite direction.

xxx

(Fade to Credits)

* * *

**Author's Note - Post Script**

I'll admit, looking back, that this wasn't really my best work. A few parts were too much like canon, in particular the scene with Scarlett and Chef, as well as Scarlett, Beth, and the beavers from the first part of the challenge. The beavers, at least, were something that needed to be introduced anyway, but I probably should have come up with a way to get Scarlett there that was more...I don't know, different? Exciting?

Also, B finally got his splint off! As I said last time, I wanted to save his 'healing' for something for useful, which turned out to be a scene that filled in for Courtney getting her PDA in canon. Doing so allowed for a contrast between Amy and Courtney's arrivals, with Amy being the only one mad about another contestant receiving what she thinks is special treatment instead of the inverse. It also gave me a couple more things to (eventually) do with B, although they aren't exactly game-changing.

And since the Grips are meant to be the more sympathetic ones in this series, they actually managed to save their reward while the Gaffers had to deal with an unlit fire and a goose that wasn't dealt with as simply as in canon.

Overall, despite it's faults I think it was a fairly enjoyable chapter, and I'm eager to hear your thoughts on what I did and didn't do wrong.

See you all next Friday!

\- Fangren

* * *

**Appendix: TSA Eliminated Contestants**

Geoff - (Tied for 14th Place)

Bridgette - (Tied for 14th Place)

Shawn - (13th Place)

Alejandro - (12th Place)

Sierra - (11th Place)

Beardo - (10th Place)

Topher - (9th Place)

Sammy - (8th Place)


	15. Chapter 15 - Million Dollar Babies

**Author's Note**

A couple hours later than I would've liked but here we are, the second elimination of this quarter and the last before the merge! I hope you're ready, because this chapter was pretty fun to write. With nothing else to say right now, I'll jump in to the review responses.

**Cole D. soul:** Thanks! Writing out everyone's reaction to Amy's return has been pretty amusing, as has been her actually figuring things out about her standing in the game. Oh, and as a reminder, since I decided to add B to this season there's only going to be two members of the TSI cast that only compete once.

**OMAC001:** Well, you'll have to read on to find out! Thanks for the review.

**StarHeart Specials:** Thanks! Especially about the part with Beth and the beavers, since as I said I didn't think it was that good.

**acosta perez jose ramiro:** Yeah, that's more-or-less what I was going for. Amy does have some skills to back up her ego, but for various reasons she hasn't put them to good use in the game.

**Knifez:** Thanks! And I suppose you're right about the predictability, and the general lack of major developments, but nonetheless I'm happy you enjoyed the chapter.

**Ali6132:** Ohoho, I'm glad you're looking forward to Scarlett. Also that you're accepting of my unwillingness to give out anymore hints for next season. And as for Amy...well, when you've spent pretty much all your life sincerely believing in your superiority, you're not gonna just realize your 'lesser' twin sister actually has any merits.

**Zak Saturday:** Thank you! Regarding DJ and Lightning...well, I don't see them ever really becoming friends right now, considering who they're dating, but they do at least get along better than Sammy and Amy.

**The Prime Writer:** Wow! First of all, it's always great to here from a new reviewer, and even more so when they leave such a long review. I'm super glad I inspired you, too, and I'll be sure to send you a PM about your fic. other than that, not much to say - I enjoyed reading your thoughts on the series, and there's not much for me to answer or correct. I will say, however, that I have no intentions of getting Duncan and/or Mal involved with Topher and Sierra's storyline, especially the 'Stolen Fundraiser Money' incident since I can't see either of those two getting near a Chris McLean Fan Club event.

**Ddynamo:** Huh, that's weird. I guess I'll chalk it up to being kinda broken as usual, or perhaps just with whatever browser you're using. Not much else to say, other than I hope you enjoy the next few chapters, and thanks for the review.

**80jj:** Haha, yeah, a few people have already told me so, although you're the only one to mention the Scarlett and Chef scene specifically. As for this episode's match-ups...well, I hope you like them, regardless of what they end up being.

**bruno14:** I'm glad you liked the Dawn vs Amy fight. I did consider having , and thanks for the review!

**Glowing Insanity:** Thanks! I did (briefly) consider having Amy get special treatment, but since she didn't actually win her lawsuit I figured Chris would think just letting her on the show was enough. Also, it meant no PDA, which opens up a bunch of opportunities to have different drama sources than canon.

**I. M. Poik:** I...honestly did not even realize the Gaffers haven't won a single pre-merge reward. It just isn't something I keep track of, or decide ahead of time, and for that I apologize - I'll make things more balanced next season, at the very least. I am certainly glad you're excited about Amy's development, though - it's been interesting trying to figure out exactly what I can have her say and do without making her act out-of-character, so even though I don't know yet exactly how she'll end up development-wise at her very end, I know it'll be worth it. And...yeah, sorry, the elimination table thing kind of slipped my mind. Kind of.

**FOWLKON:** Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed Amy's interactions with both Dawn and Lightning! Hopefully I'll continue to do good with it.

**StayOuttaMyShed:** Haha, I'm glad you liked the scene between Dawn and Amy so much! Interesting analysis as always, and I'm looking forward to seeing your thoughts and reactions to this week's episode.

**Star Saber21:** I've said this a lot this time around, but thanks! I'm happy I was able to surprise you a bit, and it's always good knowing that the directions I'm taking certain characters (Jo, for instance) is well-received

**Lowland Warrior:** Dunno when you'll get to this chapter, but I'm completely fine with you taking your time on the reviews - giant ants aside, we all have things to do in our lives that are generally more important than reading and reviewing fanfiction. Also, I'm super happy you liked what I did with Episode 5!

That wraps up that segment, so I'll get the last bit of bookkeeping out of the way next:

Screaming Gaffers \- Scarlett, Lightning, Beth, Amy

Killer Grips \- Jo, DJ, Dawn, B

Now that the remaining contestants have been clearly stated, it's on to our Sports Extravanganza!

\- Fangren

* * *

**Episode 15 – Million Dollar Babies**

"Last time, on Total Drama Action!" The scene flashed from the typical long-distance shot of the film lot to the recap montage. "Our caveman movie challenges made _some_ people look good!" the host said over shots of the castmates in their leopard print loincloths, with particular focus on Amy and Lightning. "And other people look _bet-ter_," he added slyly over shots of himself, also dressed in leopard print.

"B _finally_ got his casts off," Chris said over a clip of B being assisted by Chef, then testing his freed left arm and smirking at the camera, "not to mention a few concessions that kinda ticked off Amy." The host laughed as the cheerleader fumed and argued. "Then again, it _really_ wasn't her day," he added as the mean girl flailed pathetically and fell off the column she had been forced to share with Dawn, falling into the fake tar pit below.

"As their reward, the Grips won a _mammoth_ rack of mastodon ribs," Chef was shown driving the giant hunk of meat to them, and the four approached hungrily before scrambling to keep the cart from falling into the tar. "While the Gaffers had to make do with that they could find," Chris laughed as the losing team was shown receiving a giant egg, "and what could find _them_." A few shots of Lightning getting attacked by a prehistoric goose ended the recap, the scene flashing over to a few of the control tent's monitors.

"Will Amy _ever_ get the respect she wants?" the host asked as the two monitors that were focused on cut from static to a picture of the cheerleader looking nervous on the left screen and the Grips plus Beth looking angry on the right. "Will _Lightning_ keep putting up with her bossiness?" The two monitors cut back to static before cutting to identical pictures of the proud-looking jock. "And will _anything_ happen between DJ and Dawn?" The monitors switched to static again, then to pictures of the brickhouse and the mystic smiling at each other.

The screens cut to static once again and the camera pulled back to show Chris sitting in front of them. "Find out the answers right now," he told the camera before the scene flashed to the area outside the cast trailers, "on Total! Drama! Action!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be...famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be...famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

Snoring could be heard as the episode opened on the morning sun, a small bird passing through the scene as the camera panned down to the cast trailers. It focused in on the boys' quarters, and the scene cut inside to DJ fast asleep, clutching a plush dog and causing the snores that had been heard outside.

The sound of a trumpet rang through the air, startling the gentle giant upright. "I'm sorry, Momma!" he squealed, still half-asleep.

"I'm up, Coach!" Lightning shouted from the other side of the room in a similar state of drowsiness. He rolled out of his bed and stuck the landing on the floor, then slapped his face a couple times. "Wait a minute, this ain't spring trainin'!"

Across the room, B sat up in his bed and rolled his eyes at the uber-jock. He got out of bed soon after, then patted DJ's leg – the gentle giant was still whimpering with his eyes closed.

"Wha-?" the brickhouse said, finally shaking away his sleep. "Aww man, not another early mornin'!" he groaned after looking around the room.

/

A drumline began as the scene cut back outside, the door to the girls' trailer swinging open. Beth marched out, still in her nightgown and head gear, eyes closed and twirling some sort of small electronic device in her hands.

"Stop right there!" Scarlett said fiercely, appearing at the doorway with a scowl on her face. Beth tossed the device up into the air and the brainiac's expression became one of dread. She pounced forward, catching the device just before it hit the ground, and in doing seemed to cause Beth to wake up.

"Huh?" the dorky girl asked, snapping out of her early-morning daze and looking down in horror. "I'm so _sorry_, I must've started sleep twirling again!"

The shot pulled back as the guys came out of their trailer and Amy appeared at the girls' doorway. "_Sleep_ twirling?" she repeated in a mocking tone. "That is _sooo_ not cool."

"You're just lucky it wasn't _broken_," Scarlett scolded her teammate. "How did you even _find_ it?"

"I don't know," Beth shrugged, "I was _asleep_!"

Scarlett looked displeased at the answer, but before she could say anything else the shot cut to a close-up of a trombone as Chris played a few notes on it. "Morning, sports fans!" he greeted as the camera pulled back to show him wearing a sort of one-man marching band outfit – a stereotypical hat accompanied by a combination bass drum and cymbals strapped to his back that sounded with each step he took.

The moment he appeared, an upbeat melody reminiscent of a sports movie began to play. "Who's ready to put up a good offense?"

"'Ghetti here!" a familiar voice called out from behind the host, the shot pulling back again as Chef walked up to the cast. "Get your pipin' hot spaghetti here!" He was wearing the hat and large box associated with food vendors at sporting events, and true to his word he was serving up balls of tomato sauce-covered spaghetti. He smirked, then began pitching them at the cast – first Amy, who was hit in the gut as Dawn and Jo leaned out of the way; then Beth who was struck in the chest but managed to catch it on the rebound; followed by Lightning and DJ who easily caught a couple each; and finally B, who quickly ducked under the first before getting struck in the head. Sauce and pasta sliding down his face, he shot an utterly unamused look off-camera.

"Yo, what's the deal?" Lightning asked the host.

"The deal is _breakfast_," Chris told them all.

"Wait, we're having _pasta_ for breakfast?" Amy asked in disbelief as Jo shrugged and started slurping a noodle, Dawn following suit shortly after.

"It's called _carbo-loading_, contestants," the host explained, leaning towards the girl. "Today, you're all going to give 200%," he turned to Scarlett and Beth, "in our Sports Movie challenge!"

"I won't even comment on that mathematical impossibility," Scarlett deadpanned before taking another pasta ball to the face.

"Suck that 'ghetti back you loveable underdogs, destined to come back from certain failure!" Chris told the cast as he began to walk away. "We've got a training run!" Jo cracked an eager grin as the host walked past.

"Hey, Lightning ain't no _underdog_!" the uber-jock protested just before the scene cut away with a flash.

/

A close-up of several shoes running along a grassy field was shown, accompanied by the huffs and pants of their owners. The shot pulled back to the contestants running along a football field, Lightning and Jo silently vying for the front position. DJ and Beth were behind, shortly followed by Amy, Scarlett, Dawn, and B.

"That all you got, sports fans?" Chris called to them before they were shown to have stopped, everyone but Jo and Lightning trying to catch their breath. "Man up! It's time for more action!"

"Pfft, you call that a training run?" Jo scoffed. "A ball of noodles and a 3k jog is _nothing_!"

"Less than that," Lightning added, "that wasn't even a warm-up!"

"Good to see the two of you are so eager to get going!" Chris told them with a grin. "Of course, since this is just a _set_," the shot pulled back to show that they were standing in front of a stadium-seating backdrop, "and you guys are _actors_, we don't need to go all-out."

"That explains the astro-turf," Scarlett grumbled, poking at the plastic grass she was lying on.

"Still," Chris continued, "today's competition is gonna require sweat, guts, heart, and sweat."

"Uhh, you said sweat _twice_?" Amy corrected brattily.

"That's 'cause it's not just _your_ sweat you'll be dealing with," the host explained. "There's _Chef's_ sweat too!"

The camera quick-panned over to the hulking man, now doing jumping jacks in sweatshirt and training helmet. "'Cause you'll be pushing him the length of the field," Chris said, "aaand, he just ate a huuuge jar of jalapeño peppers, _so_," Chef stopped jumping and walked over to a tackling dummy that had been set up near the host, "he's sprayin' like a gym class shower!"

"_Ewww_," Amy cringed, "you mean we have to push stinky _Chef_ like a football dummy?"

"Don't call me a dummy," the man said.

"Don't worry, baby girl," Lightning told his girlfriend with a quick flex of his arms, "with Lightning around you don't have to push a thing, dummy or no dummy!" Beth and Scarlett rolled their eyes.

"What'd I say about the dummy thing?" Chef repeated angrily, sweating profusely in his close-up.

"Oh no," Beth said to Amy, "if _we_ have to push, then _you_ have to push too. I don't care _how_ whipped you have Lightning."

The uber-jock's eyes popped open when he heard that comment.

xxx

"Lightning ain't _whipped_," he told the confessional camera with a small amount of panic on his face, "he just likes doin' things for his girl! So _what_ if she hasn't done anythin' for Lightning yet but look pretty..." He trailed off, and stared at the camera for a moment before furrowing his brow. "Hold on, this ain't right at all! Lightning's the bigger winner, _she_ should be doin' stuff for _me_!"

xxx

With a stopwatch in one hand, Chris blew a whistle in the other and the Gaffers began to push against the tackling dummy Chef was standing on. "That all you got?" he taunted, the sled not moving an inch. "I could push better than that on my day off!"

"Hey, Lightning ain't got his footing yet!" the uber-jock protested. His teammates backed off, and with a grunt and a smile he shoved the dummy, Chef and all, into a heap ten yards away. "That's how sha-_Lightning_ does it!" he boasted, quickly kissing his biceps while Chef struggled in pain to get the dummy off him.

/

The scene moved to a group of eight tires that had been set up at the other end of the field. The Grips ran towards them, with Jo in the lead followed by DJ, Dawn, and B; they made good headway, but the camera soon pulled back to show that each tire had gotten stuck around one of their feet.

"What's the deal with these tires?" DJ cried as he and his teammates tried to shake the things off. "No _way_ are these regulation!"

"How are we supposed to run this course if our feet keep getting stuck?" the petite Dawn questioned.

"Aww, really? I'm sorry!" Chris told them as he walked up before shielding his mouth with his hands and whispering "Wait 'til they get a load of the mouse trap!" to the camera. Moments later, a series of snaps came from inside the tires and the Grips cried in pain and annoyance as they tried to jump away from the traps. "Snap to it, losers!" the host told them with a grin.

/

The footage skipped forward yet again, now showing Jo as she crawled through a mud pit, a wary eye on the barbed wire strung above it. Lightning and Beth followed after her, and Amy and Dawn after them. "I've never seen the football team back home do this at practice!" the cheerleader said amid the grunts and groans of her fellow cast members.

"You're right," Chris told her as the camera cut out to show all eight crawling through the pit while the host watched from the other end. "But we had some mud and barbed wire left over from the war movie, and it just seemed fun to me!" He smiled as the camera came in for a close-up. "Is it?"

Everyone, even Lightning and Jo, groaned in frustration or exhaustion.

/

"Well _that_ was annoying," Jo said as the camera panned up over her mud-splattered figure.

"You're just mad 'cause Lightning won that challenge," the equally-muddy overachiever said before giving the host a questioning look, "right?"

"Let's see...," Chris told the contestants as he started reading the clipboard in his hands. "Huh, three... carry the five...," he muttered before breaking into a grin and announcing "_Nobody_!"

The other fix castmates gaped with shock, and five of them uttered "Huh?!" as one.

"It was _just_ to establish who's playing who for the real contest to follow," Chris explained before motioning over to a large screen nearby. An upbeat techno tune began to play as the camera focused on the screen, which was divided into four section with each depicting a stick figure performing a different physical activity against a colored background – punching on yellow; swinging a racquet on blue; wrestling with another figure on red; and throwing a ball on green.

"We're running _four_ sporto contests," the host said, "with competitors seeded according to these results." The four-way split disappeared, replaced by two columns of contestants pictures divided into teams, which disappeared again and reappeared in the following order: Jo and Lightning on top; DJ and Amy second; B and Beth third; and Dawn and Scarlett on the bottom.

"Sha-_booyah_!" Lightning cheered, raising his arms excitedly. "Lightning is _always_ the number one seed!"

Beside him, Jo pursed her lips.

xxx

"Jockstrap may be the most athletic on _his_ team," the jock-ette told the confessional camera, "but he's got another thing coming to him if he's underestimating _me_ again," she pointed a thumb at her chest. "Still," she mused, "it's been awhile since I've had the chance to rub my superior athletic ability in his face. I welcome the opportunity."

xxx

The scene cut to a close-up of a hanging microphone which was promptly grabbed by the host, causing a small amount of feedback. He was revealed to be standing in the middle of a boxing ring wearing a referee's uniform as the camera panned down, and quickly began to speak.

"_In_ the right corner-ner-ner-ner," he announced dramatically, "from the Killers Grips-ips-ips-ips! The pint-sized powerhouse, the moonchild marauder, the beast-whispering bruiser," an energetic tune began to play in the background, "_DAAAAWWWNN_!" The crowd went wild as the camera panned to the corner behind the host, where Dawn stood politely inside the ring with a rather blank expression on her face and her hands clasped behind her back. Jo was standing to the right outside the ropes with an eager smirk, while DJ and B smiled off along the back.

"And in the _left_ corner-ner-ner-ner," Chris announced, pointing in front of him, "from the Screaming Gaffers-ers-ers-ers! The brainy brawler, the non-stop know-it-all, the insufferable insurgent!"

The camera cut to Beth and Scarlett hanging on to the ropes on the left side. "I think he's talking about you," Beth told her teammate with a sly smile.

"I noticed," the red-head deadpanned.

"_SCAAAARRRLEEEETT_!" the host finally announced, the crowd going wild again.

"Why _me_, though?" the brainiac asked.

"Because you and Dawn came last in the football drills," Chris explained to her and the other Gaffers. "_Loser_, versus _loser_." He looked over at the mystic, who pursed her lips at him. "We're going to build to the top two players."

Scarlett sighed in annoyance. "If I must. Do I at least get gloves?" she asked, holding up her hands.

A pair of large 'gloves' were immediately placed on them, startling Scarlett who cast them an immediate look of suspicion. "Are these made of marshmallow?"

"Props," Chris told her, "so you don't hurt those pretty actor faces. And," he held up a finger, "in true boxing movie tradition, you'll be fighting in," the camera zoomed in as he said with exaggerated slowness, "slllooowww moootttionnn."

Dawn looked back at her teammates uncertainly as the roar of the crowd began to rise, and Scarlett reluctantly entered the ring.

The bell rang, and Chris was pulled up and out of the ring by the hanging microphone. A slow fight song began as the two girls approached and began to circle with an awkward sort of caution.

"C'mon, take a swing already!" Jo barked from her corner.

"Attack her, Scarlett," Amy growled from the opposite side of the ring, "_now_!"

Dawn grunted softly in her displeasure, but complied with an agonizingly slow marshmallow-covered left hook that Scarlett easily stepped away from.

"Is that the best you can _do_?" the jock-ette asked belligerently.

"We're supposed to do this in slow motion!" Dawn tried to explain, looking back at her teammate and opening herself up to a slow right jab from her annoyed-looking opponent. The impact was largely inconsequential, however, as Dawn seemed at a loss as to how she should react other than taking a step back.

"Well _this_ is arguably the most inconvenient form of combat I've ever encountered," Scarlett muttered dryly before dodging another weak punch from her smaller opponent.

"Just keep _punchin_' her 'til you win!" Lightning called from the sidelines. "Show that little girl who's boss!"

"Thank you, Lightning," Scarlett said sarcastically as she blocked yet another of Dawn's slow strikes and struck back with a creeping body blow that sent the mystic staggering back in what seemed to be a purposeful manner.

"Keep going!" Amy shouted.

In fact, Dawn staggered all the way back to her corner of the ropes. "What do I _do_?" she asked under her breath. "I've never done anything _like_ this!"

"I don't know, just punch her in the face or something!" Jo hissed back.

"This is supposed to be a movie, so maybe try distractin' her with some kinda inspirational speech or somethin'?" DJ suggested.

"In the middle of a _fight_?" Jo asked in disbelief.

DJ shrugged helplessly. "It's the only thing I can think of!"

Dawn looked at B who shrugged as well, then she sighed and stepped back towards Scarlett.

Seconds later the bell rung again, and the two girls halted their reapproach as Chris descended back into the ring. "Round Two-oo-oo-oo!" he announced as Chef walked across the ring holding a placard above his head with the number 2 on it.

"You got this, brainy girl," Lightning told Scarlett as she loitered in the corner, watching Chef as he walked up to her then back across the ring. "Just give it to her hard and fast, like Lightning!"

The music picked up its pace as the two girls approached the center of the ring once again. "You'll never defeat me!" Dawn declared at an exaggeratedly slow pace as she and Scarlett circled one another, the redhead going in for a few slow jabs that the mystic easily ducked and dodged. "For while _you_ only fight for money, _I_ fight for truth," she ducked beneath a heavy swing, "justice," she leaned out of the way of another blow and drew back her own fist, "and the Earth Mother!"

Dawn finally struck out at Scarlett's face, and having been caught off-guard by the slow-motion speech the brainiac was unable to dodge the slow-moving uppercut. With a sound like an anvil being struck the redhead fell to the mat, and the host quickly appeared at her side.

"One!" he called out, holding up a single finger. "Two! Three!"

Amy gasped from the sidelines. "Get _up_ already!" she yelled in shock.

"Fourfivesixseveneightnine and _ten_!" the host counted off quickly before the fallen brainiac could recover. "And the winner is-is-is-is," he announced, "Dawn, and the Killer Grips!" He held up the mystic's right arm, and a triumphant boxing theme began to play.

Jo, DJ, and B started to cheer. "You both did pretty good with the slow-motion," Chris told the two competitors, "and even though Scarlett _did_ fall first, the deciding factor was technically Dawn's corny speech – great job on that by the way, it really sold on the whole 'underdog' aspect." Dawn smiled proudly as Chris walked away.

Scarlett grunted in frustration as she got back on her feet. "I don't know what's more annoying," she muttered, "the loss itself or how it happened."

"I don't know," Beth grinned, "I thought it was kinda funny!" Scarlett sneered at her.

/

The scene flashed to a close-up of a racquet which quickly zoomed out to show it in Lightning's hands as he gave it a few test swings. "Hold up," he said, "tiny racquets, super-high net," the shot zoomed out again to show him standing at the front of the contestants on the sidelines of what looked like a tennis court with the net raised up off the ground, "Lightning knows a _badminton_ when he sees one!"

"Good catch, dude," Chris told him as he and Chef approached the cast.

"Since when was there a sports movie about _badminton_?" Jo asked incredulously. "Who'd even care enough to watch it?"

"There _was_ a movie about badminton," Chris countered sharply, "and tons of people watched it! And," he added smugly, "it starred the very talented _me_!"

"Oh yeah," Beth spoke up, "I remember Sierra talking about it when she was here!"

"Doesn't surprise me," the host said happily, "for all their many many faults, she and Topher knew talent when they saw it. And as a treat for you kids, I'm gonna recreate my finest scene!"

Lightning, standing next to the host with the racquet still in his hands, looked thoroughly unexcited.

/

"I just want you to know," Chris began dramatically, swinging the racquet around to emphasize his words as an emotional song started playing in the background, "you guys are the best darn badminton players I've had the pleasure of coaching!" The camera panned across the castmates, every one looking bored and unimpressed.

"You're beacons of _freedom_!" the actor-turned-host continued as Chef walked up behind him with a sad look on his face. "Go show the Olympic Committee we deserve a shot!" The music turned more upbeat and inspirational. "Show them, it's not _bad_minton, it's _good_minton! Heck, it's _great_minton! Now get out there, and win one for the Flipper!"

The camera focused in on Chef as a tear came to his eye and his lips trembled.

xxx

"Why couldn't the Olympic Committee just give the Flipper a break?" Chef Hatchet asked the confessional camera, struggling to contain his tears. "It was his big dream!" He finished with a cry and a snort as he brought his hands up to his crying face.

xxx

Chris adjusted a cap he'd put on, then smiled at the camera as a tense song began to play. "Battling for supremacy in our second round," he announced as the shot pulled back to show the two contestants already on the court and their teammates in the stands behind him, "B and Beth!"

"Sorry B," the dorky girl called with confidence from the right side of the court, "but I'm gonna win this!"

The silent boy smirked at her from the left side of the court, then twirled his racquet. "Watch the birdie!" Chris called before tossing a small plush bird to B.

He looked at it quizzically for a second, then Beth called out "Time to make feathers fly!"

"You got this, B!" DJ cheered from the bleachers.

"Yeah," Jo added, "don't let her crappy quips get to you and you'll be fine!"

B nodded at them confidently, raised his racquet, and tossed the birdie into the air – the camera followed it as it fell back down and was struck when B twirled the racquet down under it. On impact it made a squeaking noise that startled both players, and Beth had to scramble anxiously to intercept it when it passed the net.

She missed her swing, and the birdie squeaked again when it hit the ground. "It's not _alive_, is it?" Beth asked hesitantly, looking at it with wide eyes and her fingers nearly in her mouth.

"It's _stuffed_," Chris told her as he walked over and picked the birdie up. "With a squeaker?" he tossed it lightly in his hand, making it squeak again. "That _okay_, chicken little?" Beth nodded, and Chris walked away. "Point to B!"

/

Once again, the silent genius served the birdie quickly and easily, and once again Beth failed to return it – but by a smaller margin that last time. "Woo! Good goin', dude!" DJ called to his teammate. "Keep that up and we'll be winnin' this challenge in _no_ time!"

"Well, at least we know who to vote out tonight if we _lose_," Amy commented snidely from the Gaffers' side of the stands.

Beth grit her teeth in frustration, and B made his third serve. This one was returned, however, and it was B's turn to scramble for an interception. The music picked up as the birdie was followed back and forth, squeaking each time it was hit.

"You can do it, B!" Dawn cheered from the sidelines. "We believe in you!"

"Show her you mean business!" Jo added.

B smiled and started putting more force into his swings, making it harder for Beth to keep up. The wannabe glanced at her team hopefully, but only saw them staring at her with a mixture of boredom and disappointment.

xxx

"I knew that if I was gonna stay in the competition," Beth confessed, "I had to dig deep, and I mean _really_ deep, to score the win for my team." She sighed. "Y'know, trying to impress people you hate feels pretty bad."

xxx

The music deepened as a montage of Beth hitting the birdie was shown, including shots of her diving, going between her legs, and even holding the racquet with her teeth to return the birdie. It ended when she tossed the racquet up into the air with a twirl and a pose, intercepting a high-flying shot and sending it hurtling back at a shocked B.

It struck him square between the eyes and knocked flat on his back. "Sorry!" Beth called from off-screen as cartoon birds similar to the birdie were shown flying around the silent boy's eyes. They flew off when a whistle was blown, and B sat up in a daze.

"We have a winner!" Chris announced, the music turning triumphant as Lightning began to holler and cheer, Amy and Scarlett joining in with considerable more reserve. "Now that's some _great_minton!" Chris said as he watched Beth walk up to her team with a grin on her face.

"So how'd you like _that_?" she asked the other Gaffers. "Scoring our first point makes me pretty valuable to the _team_, don't you think?"

"Well, even though he woulda won quicker," the uber-jock admitted, "Lightning admits that you _did_ still win one, and that's more than what _brainy girl_ can say for herself," he said with a sharp look at Scarlett, who folded her arms and rolled her eyes.

"Like, what-_ever_," Amy scoffed. "One win doesn't change the fact that you're a geeky loser, so don't expect to win any points with us. Right, _Lightning_?" she asked with an elbow to her boyfriend's side.

"Huh? Oh, uh, yeah," his smile faded to a scowl. "Like Amy says, that win don't matter to us."

"Seriously?" Beth asked in annoyed disbelief. "Lightning, I thought you were gonna be your _own_ man this season!" The focus switched the the overachiever's close-up as his eyes went wide. "But here you are, letting someone else boss you around!"

"Uhh, Lightning thinks-" the uber-jock began to say before Amy thrust herself between him and Beth.

"_Amy_ thinks that girlfriends don't count for stuff like that," she said fiercely before turning a sweet smile to the young man and batting her eyelashes. "Isn't that right, sweetie?"

Lightning blinked. "Oh, yeah, sha-totally!" he answered with slightly reserved excitement before Amy took his hand and led him away, Scarlett following shortly after without sparing a glance towards Beth.

"Oooh, looks like _this_ underdog's got her work cut out for her!" Chris said as he suddenly popped into the scene, putting a hand on Beth's shoulder and earning a glare from her in return. "So don't go away," he added as he dashed over to the ref's chair he'd been sitting on during the match and climbed up it, "there's still more sports-themed fun to come on Total! Drama! Action!"

(Fade to Commercial and Back)

The episode came back to the Grips walking off their team's bleachers at the badminton court, Dawn and DJ at the front followed by Jo and B. The jock-ette lingered briefly at the edge of the seats, grabbing B by the arm and holding him back.

He gave her an inquisitive look, to which she whispered "I think it's time you and me had a much-needed _talk_." B's eyebrows shot up and he shot a brief but nervous look at the badminton court, causing the jock-ette to palm her face. "Look, I'm not gonna rag on you for losing, okay? Believe it or not, there's something more _important_ on my mind right now."

She tugged at his arm and they started walking side by side, following the path their teammates had already taken. "I'll make this quick," Jo said brusquely. "As much as I hate to admit it, we might end up having to boot off one of our own before the teams merge, and if that happens the two of _us_ have to be on the same page."

B's face fell into a look of neutral concentration. "Look, we both know Big and Little are practically joined at the hip," she continued, "so that means they're gonna go after one of _us_ if it comes to it, and _that_ means the only smart thing we can do is form an alliance and force a tie."

The silent boy began to tap his chin in thought, and the viewpoint shifted to show him staring at DJ and Dawn, and Jo shook her head. "Don't get me wrong, I don't really want it to come to that since we've got a pretty solid team right now, but at the same time I gotta prepare in case McLean throws me and the Brickhouse a couple of curveballs and we lose the next two challenges."

A few more chin taps, and B nodded his head. "So, are you in?" Jo asked, extending a hand between them. B looked at it for a few seconds, then shook it firmly.

"Good," Jo said with a smirk.

/

The footage flashed forward to the castmates sitting on wooden bleachers inside another studio, separated by team with Gaffers on the left and Grips on the right.

"I wonder who I'm going up against?" Amy wondered aloud with a devilish smirk on her face. "Jo totally _looks_ weaker," the camera focused on the jock-ette as she grit her teeth and scowled, "but I think I'd prefer going up against _DJ_, and show him how wrong he is about my sister."

The gentle giant rolled his eyes. "I ain't gonna fall for your tricks," he told her. "Didn't you learn that last season?"

Amy shrugged playfully and leaned towards him. "You say that _now_, but what about when we're going one-on-one?" She batted her eyelashes, and the shot pulled out to show Lightning giving her a look of disapproval.

"SILENCE!" Chris shouted in an odd but dramatic accent, earning the attention of all eight contestants. He was dressed in nothing but a toga and a head wreath, standing in a chariot being pulled by a helmeted Chef Hatchet. A suitably dramatic piece of music began in the background as he continued. "The score is one to one! And now, second-seat Amy will attempt to brrrreak the tie," he trilled his 'r's harshly as the chariot came to a halt in front of the bleachers, "by competing in Grrrreco-Rrrrroman wrrrrestling with," the camera panned to follow his handwave, revealing that they were in front of the same ring that had been used for the boxing match, "_DJ_!" He completely dropped his accent with that announcement.

The gentle giant immediately cringed.

xxx

"I gotta say," he told the confessional camera, "I am _not_ lookin' forward to wrestlin' a girl half my size. I don't like hurting people, not even my girlfriend's nasty older sister!" He paused and blinked. "_Especially_ my girlfriend's nasty older sister considerin' they're identical twins. It's almost like I'm wrestlin' _her_!"

He paused again, then squeaked and blushed.

xxx

"I've been told a _bunch_ of times that I'm stronger than I look," Amy told the camera confidently. "Like, on Boxing Day last year I fought off like _five_ other girls over one pair of shoes, and I'm pretty sure one of them was like a _biker_ or something. And besides, compared to _my_ musclehead of a boyfriend, DJ's like a giant _teddy bear_! I bet I can get him to say uncle just by glaring."

xxx

Amy was stretching in her swimsuit in the right corner when the footage resumed, smirking cockily across the ring. The camera panned over to DJ, also in his swimming trunks but cringing with his eyes clenched shut.

"I really don't wanna do this," he whimpered before the shot panned over to Chris, who smiled impishly and pulled a rope that was hanging next to him.

The camera zoomed out as a high-walled glass box filled with colorful plastic balls was dropped into the ring on top of the contestants, a few balls scattering on the floor with the impact. The castmates on the stands looked shocked and surprised, and DJ popped back up completely flabbergasted, spitting one of the balls out of his mouth.

"You sayin' we gotta wrestle in a _ball pit_?" he asked with disbelief after wiping his mouth with the back of his arm.

"A seriously _disgusting_ ball pit," Amy echoed, surfacing nearby with a used diaper on her head. She tossed it away with a look of abject horror, forced herself not to wretch, and glared at the host. "What skeezy carnival did you get this from, anyway?"

"The local one," Chris answered happily. "They were pretty cheap, too, so those balls haven't been cleaned in, oh, _ever_. Now play ball!" He picked up a large curved brass horn and blew a few notes, signaling the start of the match.

Amy was the first to move, diving into the balls while DJ watched and looked around with anxious caution. The cheerleader resurfaced seconds later, pouncing on the brickhouse's back who screamed in fright. She quickly put him in a headlock, but despite the fact-paced background music it quickly became apparent that DJ wasn't budging.

In fact, his shock and fear quickly faded into annoyance, and he grabbed her by the arms and tried to pry her off him. "Just get off me, okay?" he told the girl as she grunted and struggled to keep her hold. "You aren't gonna take me down like that." He finally managed to break her grip, and tossed her lightly into the balls on her back.

"C'mon, get her while she's down!" Jo called from the sidelines, earning an unpleasantly hesitant look from DJ.

He took a step towards her, but she whimpered pitifully and gave him a sad look. "Hey," she said, "that really hurt! I can't believe you did that to me, you're the worst!"

DJ recoiled in shock and fear, squeaking in horror. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

Amy's pathetic whimper shifted quickly into a vicious grin, and she tackled him in the stomach before he could say another word. The shot pulled back from the close-up of her pushing at him, to reveal that not only had he stopped himself from falling over, but he was now looking at her with anger and betrayal in his eyes. "Pretendin' to be hurt like that ain't cool!" he told her, grabbing Amy by the shoulders and forcing her away from him.

"Go for a suplex!" Jo called form the sidelines in eager excitement.

"Yo Chris," DJ asked, ignoring his teammate, "do I gotta make her say Uncle to win this?"

"Uh," the host said hesitantly as he brought a finger to his lips in thought, "I guess you could also throw her out of the ring, but those walls are kinda _high_."

DJ looked up at the top of the glass walls, then over to what looked like a mesh screen on one side. "I'm still gonna do it," he said as Amy squirmed in his grasp. He tried to drag her toward it, but she just gasped, then bit him in the arm.

He yelped in pain, she dived back into the balls, and the camera panned over to the host. "Hey," Chris called sternly, "no _biting_!" He then broke into a short chuckle, and the shot moved back to DJ.

"Stop messin' around, Amy," he said as he looked around the ball pit, a close-up of his face showing his opponent coming up for air behind him before diving back down before he turned around. "Just give up already and make it easier for the both of us."

"Not a chance!" the mean girl countered, the camera cutting to her close-up as she popped her head up in front of him and grabbed his leg, pulling it out and causing the giant to fall backward, sending several balls and a baby bottle flying. She pounced forward onto his chest and twisted his leg, earning another yelp of pain.

"Why don't _you_ just give up," she told him with a mocking tone as he continued to yelp and cry, "and make it easier on-"

"Ma-ma?"

The music came to a complete stop, and the two competitors turned shocked looks to Amy's back, where a small and well-dressed child with curly black hair and glasses was clinging. Neither said anything, even as Chef suddenly descended from above on a rope harness, picked up the child, and ascended just as quickly.

Still wide-eyed with shock, Amy soon found herself getting flipped around as DJ broke out of her hold. "I'd say sorry about this," he told her as he grabbed her by the waist and slung her over his shoulder, "but I'm really not right now." As she grunted and screamed and hammered his bare back, he walked unflinchingly to the mesh part of the wall, ripped it open, and tossed Amy over the ropes and out of the ring.

She landed on her butt with a stunned look on her face, and Chris was next to her in moments. "And we have a winner!" he said with a grin, a victorious tune playing as the other Grips cheered. Amy shrieked in frustration, and pounded the floor with her fists.

Still in the ring, DJ shook his head and tutted. "I just hope Momma ain't mad at me for doin' that."

xxx

"Like, I _so_ would have won if it hadn't been for that kid," Amy told the confessional camera. "Like, why was it even _in_ there, anyway? Uggh, it's like this game is _fixed_ or something."

xxx

The scene cut to a close-up of a smiling Chris walking across the football field used earlier that day. "So, as we head to the fourth and final leg of the Total Dram sports tournie, the Grips are ahead two to one." The four leading player were shown standing together and smiling at one another.

"The final face-off?" the host said as the shot pulled out, revealing that a small basketball court, net, and slanted trampoline had been set up. "A slam _dunk_ competition, with points going to the most _creative_ dunk. Let's play it for the camera! It's..." he said, passing a basketball across the court to the jock-ette, who caught it and gave her athletic rival a cocky smirk, "Jo and Lightning!"

/

DJ and Dawn were shown cheering, with B next to them clapping enthusiastically and Jo spinning a basketball on one finger and looking confident. The shot panned over to Lightning, also smiling confidently. Among the Gaffers, Scarlett was by far the most impassive while both Beth and Amy cheered the uber-jock on.

"Okay Lightning, time to show them what a _real_ athlete can do!" Amy shouted, pumping her fist excitedly.

"Sha-right on, baby girl!" the overachiever answered, flexing his left arm and kissing the bicep.

xxx

"Finally, a challenge built for sha-_Lightning_!" the jock boasted in the make-up trailer. "No tricks or puzzles, just me, the ball, and the camera soakin' it aaaallll in! Time to bring it _on_!"

xxx

The footage cut back to a shot of the court, Jo standing at the left side of the center circle facing the trampoline and basket on the right, with Lightning and Chris standing in the front right corner and the other six contestants along the far side of the court.

"Prepare to be amazed," Jo announced, "by my patented Zig-Zag Slam!" Chris blew his whistle and she got started, beginning with a few trick dribbles between and around her legs as she walked down the court to a jaunty whistling theme. She stopped about a yard before the trampoline and got the ball spinning on the back of her hand, saying "Watch out!" while allowing it to spin up one arm and across her shoulder.

"There goes the zig!" she added as it reached her other hand. She swiftly grabbed it with both hands, then shot it like a bullet towards Lightning. The screen split, the bottom half showing her taking a few bounding leaps onto the trampoline while her ball ricocheted off the ball in Lightning's hands, which shocked the boy.

"And here comes the _zag_!" Jo finished as the screens reunited along with ball and player, the jock-ette snatching the orb out of the air as it rocketed towards her and slamming it through the hoop with both hands.

She landed with a grin, and immediately basked in her teammates' applause. "No need to thank me," she bragged, "just doing my job and showing the _Gaffers_ what's what!"

Lightning snorted in contempt. "Girl, that wasn't nothin'! Let Lightning you what a _real_ slam dunk looks like!"

/

It was the uber-jocks's turn at the center circle, already dribbling with a dark smile on his face. "Y'all better be ready, 'cause Lightning's about to _Strike_!" Jo rolled her eyes from the same corner Lightning had been standing in previously, but the overachiever wasn't phased by it in the slightest.

A hard rock theme began to play as Lightning dribbled hard a few times then ran down the court. He jumped and shot the ball downwards, the screen splitting once again to show the ball on the right half as it bounced sharply off the floor, then again off the pole of the net. Meanwhile, the left showed Lightning as he fell back down, landed on the trampoline and bounced again, doing a corkscrew spin as his ball flew up through the bottom of the net. He managed to scoop it up with his right hand as he flew up to net height, then did another full turn before slamming it the ball back down one-handed.

He struck a pose as he landed, and the ball bounced off the court. "Point to Lightning and the Gaffers!" Chris declared as both sidelined teams stood in stunned silence. "Prepare," the host said swiftly, leaning forward dramatically as the more generic background music that had resumed after the hard rock ended quickly rose in tension, "for the Ultimate Extreme Sports _Tiebreaker_!"

All eight teens looked wary at the announcement.

/

The scene flashed over to a jumbo screen set up by some fake buildings, the host appearing on it immediately. "Get ready for the battle of battles," he announced as an intense metal song played in the background, "the grudge match the world has been waiting for!" He slid off the screen to the right, only to slide back in from the left a moment later. "A competition so intense," he slid back to the left and reappeared from above, "so grueling," he slid back up, then popped in closer to the screen, "so..."

"So get to it already!" Jo shouted up at the screen as B glared beside her.

Chris blinked on the screen, which soon cut to static. The viewpoint shifted to a distance shot of the football field, now without any additional courts on it, as the host drove up in a golf cart holding several things of a distinctly pink color.

"_Pompoms_?!" the jock-ette exclaimed in disbelief after the host shook one of them.

"_Yes_!" Amy cheered, pumping a fist and stepping forward. "This is so much more my thing than wrestling!"

"Glad to hear it," Chris told her with his trademark grin, "because the tiebreaker is a cheer-off between the Grips and the Gaffers. Each team's gotta dig deep, and create a cheer for someone _they_ think deserves cheering."

The scene flashed again, showing the Grips in a huddle with Jo doing the talking. The camera panned over to the Gaffers in a similar situation, and cut to a viewpoint looking up at them from inside their circle.

"I think we should just cheer for Chris," Beth suggested. "He always loves it when we suck up to him."

"For once I agree," Scarlett added. "It's the obvious path to victory."

"Umm, are either of _you_ cheer captain back home?" Amy asked indignantly. Getting only blank looks from her teammates, she said "I thought so. And besides, I already tried that at the talent show last season and it didn't work."

"So who do _you_ suggest we cheer for?" Scarlett asked dryly.

"Me, of course," Amy answered proudly.

"Why you?!" Beth exclaimed.

"Yeah, Lightning's the star athlete, you should be cheering for him!" the overachiever added.

Beth looked at him, and smiled slyly. "Totally! I mean, cheerleaders are supposed to cheer for _jocks_, right? Plus, he won the last challenge _and_ he's your boyfriend!"

"Well, I...," Amy stammered as Lightning furrowed his brow and stared at her thoughtfully. "I mean, of course!" she finally said a bit nervously. "He does deserve it, after all!"

"Kinda weird you didn't think of him first, though," Beth said with another sly smile. "Don't you think so, Lightning?"

"Come to think of it, yeah it is!" the uber-jock said.

"No it isn't!" Amy hissed quickly. "Now listen up, this is what we're gonna do..."

/

The view flashed back outside the Grips' huddle just as Chris stepped towards them. "Time!" he called, getting their attention and breaking their huddle with a shake of his pompoms. "Gaffers up!"

Amy took a deep breath and stepped forward. Taking the pompoms out of Chris' hands while a marching band drumline began in the background.

"Lightning, Lightning, he's my man! If he can't beat the Grips, then nobody can!" she chanted with a few twisting flips and back handsprings.

"He's the star of our team, the Gaffers' hero! Compared to him, the Grips are zero!" She shook her pompoms close to her opponent's faces, and Beth and Scarlett scurried into place behind her with extremely reluctant looks.

"Stronger than DJ, faster than Jo, and smarter than B if we do say so!" She shook her pompoms a few more times and flexed her arms as Beth and Scarlett unfurled a banner between them that read 'GO LIGHTNING!'

"So give it up, give it up, don't be shy, Lightning's the greatest you just can't deny!" She finished with a spinning backflip just as the uber-jock burst through the banner with an ecstatic grin on his face, and she landed in his arms with a smug smile of her own.

A pink-and-purple heart shape took over the screen, but it soon disappeared along with the drumline. The Gaffers were still in the poses they'd struck at the end of the cheer, and Amy kissed her boyfriend on the cheek before he set her down.

"Nice job," Chris told them. "Really speaks to cheerleading _tradition_. Grips," he turned to the other four, "your response?" DJ, B, Jo, and Dawn nodded at each other, then lined up and took out pompoms of their own.

"Chris is great! Chris is great! Chris is really, really great!" the three non-silent teens chanted loudly as all four marched across the field towards the host, a simpler marching tune playing in the background. With each 'great' and each syllable of 'really' they raised or lowered their pompoms, with Dawn and B raising while Jo and DJ lowered.

"Chris is great! Chris is great! Chris is really, really great! Chris is great! Chris is great! Chris is really, really great!" They continued their single-file march and circled the host, who looked absolutely giddy.

"Chris is great! Chris is great! Chris is really, really, really, really..." DJ, B, and Jo scooped the grinning host up off the ground, Dawn being the only one left shaking her pompoms. "Greaaaat~!" The three lifted the handsome host high off the ground, and Dawn tossed her pompoms up in a celebratory fashion.

"Amazing!" Chris gushed as he was set down on the field, eyes wide and hands clasped with absolute glee. "The rhythm, the synchronicity, the incredible kissing up!" he told the Grips as an emotionally triumphant song played in the background. "We have the winners! And as for the _losers_," his face fell into a disappointed frown, "I'll see you in the theater!" He gestured over his shoulder with his thumb, then left the Grips to cheer and high-five one another.

"I knew we shoulda cheered for Chris!" Beth said from the sidelines, clenching her fists in frustration. "This all _your_ fault, Amy! You're the reason we lost, again! Right guys?" The focus moved from the glaring face of Beth the to cheerleader as she sheepishly looked at both Scarlett and Lightning, each casting an annoyed glance at the girl.

/

For the first time since the previous Aftermath, the Gilded Chris Ceremony opened with it's usual sequence and fanfare. The host and assistant were already on stage when the introduction ended, with Chef in his formal pink dress.

"So, the Gaffers lose it again!" the host said over a shot of the four teen casting their votes, Beth seated in the front row somewhat apart from the rest of her team. "Must be difficult, especially since you haven't won a single challenge since _Amy_ got here!" The usual dramatic score began in the background, underlining the points and moments as the host and castmates spoke.

The camera focused on Amy, who was sitting in the second-highest row with Scarlett two rows below and Lightning between her and Beth. "Hey," she said indignantly, "that _so_ is not my fault!"

"Maybe, maybe not," Chris said with a grin before turning his gaze. "Scarlett sure didn't help with her loss to Dawn in today's boxing match!"

Scarlett crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. "Honestly, I don't think I should've been expected to win _any_ of today's challenges, so I refuse to take the blame for our loss."

"Hmmph," the host sniffed. "Meanwhile, despite actually _winning_ on the badminton court, Beth still seems to be on the outs with the rest of you!"

"Only because _somebody_," she shot a pointed glare at Amy, "has already dug her _claws_ into everyone."

"Lightning!" Chris continued with a grin. "I'd say you're the only one here who might be safe!"

"Sha-duh," the uber-jock said, "of _course_ Lightning-"

"I really don't wanna hear it," Chris interrupted. "Just take the statue!" He tossed a Gilded Chris to the overachiever, who glared but caught it anyway. The camera panned down to Scarlett who was tossed an award as well, and she caught it without word or emotion. "Jobbing Queen, you're safe too!"

The focus moved over to the podium as Chris turned a solemn look over to Chef, who had but a single award left in his hands. The background music turned tense, and Amy and Beth were shown glaring at each other in a split screen.

"Amy, I'm sorry, but..." the host said slowly and sorrowfully, attracting the girl's attention and putting worry on her face and an expectant smile on Beth's, "...head's up!" He suddenly tossed the final Gilded Chris her way, and she caught it eagerly.

"Yes!" she cheered, standing up and pumping her fists.

"No!" Beth countered, standing up as well with an utterly distraught expression. She let out her breath, and hung her head. "Aww who am I kidding, I saw it coming a _mile_ away..."

xxx

"Although Beth has a point about Amy costing our team every challenge since her arrival," Scarlett explained in the confessional trailer with a small smile, "Beth remains the bigger threat to my plans, especially after she nearly swayed Lightning. On the other hand, Amy being here and under my control will make things _much_ easier for me in the long run."

xxx

"Lightning admits that he was a little _mad_ at Amy for not givin' him the attention he deserves," the uber-jock said in his own confessional, "but after that cheer, how could I vote her out? Things mighta been rough at first and I'm still gonna talk to her about some stuff," he continued, rubbing the back of his head before grinning at the camera, "but now it's smooth sailing for Lightning all the way to the end zone!"

xxx

"Once again," Amy confessed smugly, "here I am the winner, with both my boyfriend and Scarlett under _my_ command. I have _nothing_ left to worry about."

xxx

The standard solemn and reverent elimination song began to play as Chef Hatchet escorted Beth to the Walk of Shame. She stopped just before the red carpet, and turned back to look at her former teammates.

"Lightning, I want you to know that Amy is _totally_ just using you, she hasn't said a kind word about you in private since she got here!" The viewpoint shifted to the three on the bleachers as Lightning turned a suspicious look to his stunned and anxious girlfriend. "And Scarlett's just using you both, I've heard her mutter about betraying you first chance she gets when she thought I was asleep!" It was the brainiac's turn to look anxious as she became the subject of suspicious glares from her teammates. "And also," Beth began to add before a rough shove forced her to stumble onto the red carpet.

"Keep it movin', Shortstuff," Chef grumbled, earning a scowl from Beth as she reluctantly complied. The scene flashed forward to her stepping into the limousine of losers, which sped off with a cloud of dust.

/

"Wow! Looks like Beth left us with a bit of a doozy!" Chris laughed as the scene cut to him in the boxing/wrestling ring, an energetic and sporty song starting up as he raised his fists, now sporting boxing gloves. "How's _that_ for a dramatic sucker punch?" He threw a few test jabs in the direction of Chef, who was back in his normal clothes save a pair of dark pink boxing gloves.

"Are the Grips ever gonna fracture? Will Amy and Lightning make up again?" he asked while continuing to punch the air as he worked his way around an unimpressed Chef. "Am I gonna knock big ol' Chef out with my _killer uppercut_?"

He started to throw a punch at his assistant, but it was swiftly answered by a hammering fist that knocked the pretty boy host off his feet. "Find out next time," he said as he got back to his feet and Chef walked away, "here, on Total! Drama! _Action_!"

(Fade to Credits)

/

/

/

**[Bonus Clip]**

"Honestly, I'm kinda _glad_ to be outta there," Beth told the camera as she sat calmly on the seat of the limousine. "The million dollars would have been nice, but putting up with the rest of my _team_ sure wouldn't. Seriously, if I had to take another comment from Amy about my fashion sense, or my hair, or my weight, while Scarlett just sat there on her bed pretending she's too cool to listen but is _so_ smiling anyway, I think I woulda screamed!"

"I wonder if what I said has made them turn on each other?" she wondered idly, bringing a couple fingers up to her lip. "I want it to happen, but it probably won't." She paused a few seconds, then grinned. "I hope me and Beardo and Sammy and everyone else who got eliminated already get to watch them lose a whole bunch when the teams merge. I know _I'm_ looking forward to it," she added with a giggle.

"Plus," she clasped her hands in front of her, "now that I'm out of the game, I can finally see my boyfriend again!" A moment past, a her face fell into an annoyed frown. "Don't give me that look, he's _totally_ real! Next chance I get I'm gonna have him meet everybody, and _then_ we'll see who's laughing in a kinda hurtful way!"

* * *

**Author's Note - Post Script**

As I know several people have been predicting for the past few chapters, Beth has finally been eliminated. Despite doing worse than in canon, I think I've given her a good exit - I only really regret not having any real scenes of her listening in to Scarlett or Amy to make what she said at the end have more...impact, I guess? Also, that I had to cut her rivalry with Scarlett short since it was pretty fun to write.

I think I've also done a decent job of addressing in-story the reviewers' concerns about Lightning being too lenient with Amy, and to a lesser extent the Gaffers being on a losing streak.

Overall, this chapter was a blast to write. Scarlett and Dawn's awkward boxing match, Beth admittedly winning in much the same way as canon although with different motivation, DJ actually getting to be a brickhouse for once (and Amy even managing to get him in a decent hold near the end), and Jo and Lightning's trick dunks that may or may not have been amply described and/or possible to begin with. Oh, and the cheer-off; Amy did great but the Gaffers just did better. Their chant was surprisingly difficult to come up with; I knew I wanted it to appeal to Chris as in canon, but I didn't want it to be exactly the same.

Anywho, next week is finally the merge! How do you think things will pan out, and how did you like this episode? I'm eager to here your thoughts and reviews.

See you next Friday!

\- Fangren

* * *

**Appendix: TSA Eliminated Contestants**

Geoff - (Tied for 15th Place)

Bridgette - (Tied for 15th Place)

Shawn - (14th Place)

Alejandro - (13th Place)

Sierra - (12th Place)

Beardo - (11th Place)

Topher - (10th Place)

Sammy - (9th Place)

Beth - (8th Place)


	16. Chapter 16 - Dial M for Merger

**Author's Note**

At long last, we come to the merge! And since I've already written the next episode (which was an absolute blast, as it's the super hero episode), that means I'm already about to start work on the third Aftermath. I know I say this a lot, but the time really does seem to fly for me. I think it's probably the fact that I don't have much on my schedule besides writing fanfiction.

As always, here's my responses to the reviews since last chapter:

**StarHeart Specials:** Hey, I'm glad I was able to surprise you! And as always, I hope you continue to enjoy these chapters.

**acosta perez jose ramiro:** Yup, that's exactly what I was trying to set up. I like Beth, but I didn't really need her to stick around.

**Solarr-Eclipse:** Honestly, I'm glad that not everyone is able to predict who's going home next. Some have, of course, but with a limited number of choices its bound to happen anyway. But the fact that the boots aren't completely predictable means I've been doing my job right, and keeping things interesting. Speaking of interesting, I quite liked your thoughts and next round of predictions - I won't say whether you got anything right or wrong, however, but I hope you like how the story turns out regardless. Oh, and I'm in the Eastern Time Zone of the US - I try to get these chapters out late afternoon, but that hasn't always worked out lately.

**StayOuttaMyShed:** Good to know. Great to hear your thoughts, and I absolutely am proud that you can't tell who the main villain of this season will end up being. Not much else to say, but thanks for the review!

**bruno14:** Hello again! And yeah, that poor kid - he was in the original episode, too, so I just had to include him. Only he knows how he got in that ball pit. Anyway, I'm glad you liked the chapter overall, and I hope you like this one too!

**FOWLKON:** Oho, interesting predictions and hopes but nothing I can comment on. Still, thanks for telling me your thoughts!

**80jj:** Yup, there's not much Drama without a villain (or two) making it far in the game. And yeah, I'll definitely have Brady show up in the Aftermath - I can't let him slide by with a brief appearance and single line like in canon.

**The Prime Writer:** Well, I've always preferred to respond to public reviews with public author's notes, thus these lengthy sections at the beginning of each chapter. And yeah, Amy is almost certainly meant to be the most-hated character of TDPI. All she does is abuse her sister and she barely even gets her comeuppance thanks to her return in 'Twinning Isn't Everything'. As for Chef's bikini...I honestly wasn't disgusted by it in itself, but I'm just super tired of all the 'man in woman's clothing' jokes the canon season has been making. I've tried to at least salvage some of them, but the skimpy bikini was just too much.

**I. M. Poik:** Yeah, sorry about having the Grips keep winning. But hey, at least the merge is finally here! Plus, you did like the rest of the chapter, which I'm happy about. Nice predictions, and thanks for the review!

**Cole D. soul:** As I say to everyone, thank you for the predictions! As for Amy being the main villain or not...well, you'll know in due time. Oh, and the next chapter is an elimination, not a reward; and rewards don't really get that tedious, since they're opportunities to build tension and explore relationships without having to build up to a boot.

**Glowing Insanity:** Don't worry about the review being late; I don't expect all of them to come in on the first day to begin with. Oh, and I didn't really have anything else planned for Beth to say before she was cut off, I just felt it would be the best way to have her stop. Maybe she would have said something really bad? Who knows. I'm glad you enjoyed the individual competitions, as well as the tiebreaker since I was kinda iffy on what I was gonna do with it for a while. Not much else to say, but...I'm hoping my writing continues to answer your questions, as well as prompt you to ask even more!

**Knifez:** Thank you so much! You're right that I could have just had Lightning lose to Jo, but honestly I really wanted to try my hand at that tiebreaker. Also, yeah, probably should've shown Jo's reaction to losing. Other than that, I'm happy you liked the direction I decided to take Beth in this season. She may not have won like in canon, be she definitely got interesting. And as for the qualifiers for World Tour...well, it's something I've given a lot of thought. I know more-or-less how I'm going to introduce the newbies, and although I have a good idea how to get the cast I want with the canon method, you're absolutely right that it would remove the suspense. I have another idea that I've been toying with that'll fix that, but it's something that needs a lot of polishing to work right. Hopefully, whatever I decide to go with, it'll be accepted by the fans of this series.

**Ali6132:** Thanks! Regarding the decision to not use Dawn's visit from her father yet, you're right that she's not the type to trash on her friends in private. Plus, since nobody has a PDA, there's no way for that outside information to get introduced into the game. But don't worry, I will make use of what she talked to her dad about at some point this season. And as I've said before, it's been fun having Jo slowly change from the type of person who's only out for herself, to someone who genuinely sees value in other people even if she's still competitive.

**StarSaber21:** Haha, thanks, I'm glad you liked it. And I'm looking forward to seeing how you like this chapter, as well.

**Ddynamo:** Yup, that's what I was planning for - a strong group of villains and a strong group of heroes. Who will prevail once the teams are dissolved? Find out soon.

**OMAC001:** Yeah, I agree - sad to have Beth leave, but it had to happen.

**Identification:** Thanks! And I'm really working on making Amy and Lightning's relationship develop in a satisfactory, and consistent, way. Likewise, I'm glad I managed to do what I did with Beth - she's not quite the same as she was in canon, even if it did cost her a million dollars. As for Topher's reaction to finding out that Brady is real...well, I'm looking forward to writing it.

With all that out of the way, this is how things stand going into this episode:

Screaming Gaffers \- Scarlett, Lightning, Amy

Killer Grips \- Jo, DJ, Dawn, B

I hope you're ready for the merge and some spy-movie thrills!

\- Fangren

* * *

**Episode 16 – Dial M for Merger**

"Last time, on Total Drama Action!" The opening shot of the film lot transitioned quickly into the recap montage, which started off with the previous episode's training run and the Gaffers pushing against Chef the football dummy. "It was a festival of guts, determination, and sweat, as yours truly put our contestants through their sports movie paces!" Dawn's knockout punch against Scarlett was shown, and followed up with DJ slinging Amy over his shoulder and tossing her out of the ball-filled wrestling ring despite her protestations.

"And despite her cheerleading skills, Amy let her team down once _again_," the mean girl's cheer for Lightning was shown in part, as well as Chris beaming at the Grips' response and declaring them the winners. "Lucky for her that it was _Beth_ who was sent packing," the dorky girl was shown hanging her head and allowing Chef to lead her down the Walk of Shame, "but not before blowing a big old _hole_ in the Gaffers' alliance." Lightning glared at Amy, then both glared at Scarlett, and the recap ended.

"They'd better work out those alliance kinks soon," Chris continued in his control room before pressing a button on his keyboard, causing the three monitor feeds to switch to a half-closed iris view, "'cause today we're gonna make the best spy movie _ever_!"

The scene flashed to a close-up of one of the monitors, and Chris walked through the iris' white space in his baby blue tuxedo. "And we might have a few sneaky surprises along the way," he said as the iris followed him to a classic spy-movie tune. He threw a tomato through the iris at the camera and it splattered; the pulpy remains slid down as a transition to the host standing back by the cast trailers. "Right here, on Total! Drama! _Action_!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be...famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be...famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

The episode opened on a close-up of a fly as it buzzed down through the sky to a plate of sandwiches being carried towards the common area in front of the trailers by Amy of all people. "Hey, everyone! Look what _I_ brought!" she said with an oddly cheery tone and wide smile, waving lightly to the Grips who were seated on one of the benches around the central fire pit.

Jo and B shared a disbelieving look as the camera briefly lingered on the four, while DJ and Dawn merely glared at the passing cheerleader. The shot cut over to Scarlett and Lightning on opposite ends of the other bench, the former reading impassively while the latter crossed his arms and gave the blonde a glare of his own.

"Come on, don't be like that!" Amy told the others without a hint of mockery. "This is a game! We should be having _fun_, remember?" She sat down in between her teammates, resting the plate on her lap as she threw her arms around Scarlett and Lightning and drew them closer to her despite their awkwardly annoyed looks.

xxx

Since when did Bossy Barbie start acting so _friendly_?" Jo asked the confessional camera in an incredulous tone before crossing her arms and looking off to the side. "Usually she just insults one of us and moves on."

xxx

"Lightning ain't in the mood right now," the uber-jock said with just a slight hint of sadness, removing Amy's arm from his shoulders with a scowl while Scarlett silently scooted out from under the other.

"What, are you still hung up on what _Beth_ said?" Amy asked, leaning closer to the athlete and pouting. "You don't believe _her_ over _me_, do you?"

"Lightning doesn't know _what_ to believe," he replied, standing up and stepping away from the bench.

"And I see no reason to stay here while the two of you work out your personal issues," Scarlett said, standing up and walking back towards the girls' trailer.

Amy took a quick look between her two teammates before scurrying to follow Scarlett. "Well, for the record, I'm willing to forgive you if you were trying to 'manipulate' us or whatever Beth was going on about," she told the brainiac.

Scarlett stopped just as she was about to touch the trailer door's handle, and turn a discerning look back at her teammate a few feet away. "...really?"

"Well _duh_," Amy answered flippantly, "I can't be mad at you for trying to play the game. Not that it would've worked on _me_, but still."

Scarlett gave her a small smile. "I'm happy to hear it, Amy," she said before turning the handle, and quickly realizing the door wasn't budging. "Well, it seems Chris locked the doors again," she deadpanned just before a small, camera-like device suddenly descended from the canopy above the door to a dramatic piece of background music reminiscent of spy movie intrigue.

It scanned the brainiac's eyes, then in a robotic voice declared "Intruder alert! Entry denied!" Before Scarlett could react the steps leading up to the door collapsed into a slide that sent her falling back into a pit that suddenly opened up in the ground.

"Uh, are you alright?" Amy asked hesitantly, looking down into the pit from above. Out of nowhere, a small purple-fletched dart hit her in the neck; her eyes immediately drooped and she moaned, then fell forward into the pit.

"Amy?!" Lightning exclaimed in alarm, still near the boys' trailer.

"Haha," Jo laughed as she walked over to the pit, "I can't believe he actually _got_ the two of you." As she grinned mockingly down at them, a black bowler hat spun threw the air in the foreground. The camera followed it as it circled around, eventually hitting Jo in the back of the head and knocking her into the pit as well.

The other four gasped. "We gotta get outta here!" DJ cried as he, Dawn, and B made a dash for the guys' trailer.

"Every Lightning for himself!" the uber-jock exclaimed, outrunning the other three and getting to the trailer first, then slamming the door in their faces.

"Dude, open up!" the brickhouse screamed, pounding on the door as Dawn and B huddled close to him.

/

The view shifted inside the trailer, where Lightning was standing with his back up against the pounding door.

"Oh no," he said with wide eyes, "no way is sha-_Lightning_ gonna let some producers get the best of him!" He took a few slow, cautious steps forward into the room, hands out front and eyes darting. "Just gotta sha-hold out here until..."

A small canister burst through one of the trailer's small windows and rolled to the floor in front of Lightning. He gave it a befuddled look for a second, but when it released a burst of purplish gas into his face he could only cough and fall over.

/

"Lightning? Lightning!" DJ continued to cry as he pounded on the trailer door.

"DJ, we _have_ to leave!" Dawn pleaded, tugging on her friend's arm.

He turned to look at back at her, then with a hint of panic asked "Where's B?"

The mystic looked around, then pointed off-camera and gasped. "Oh no!" The shot cut to the end of the trailer, just as the legs of B's fallen form disappeared around it.

DJ squeaked in fear, and Dawn took him by the hand and started running away from the trailers. "Come with me!"

xxx

"Do you really think we'll be safe in here?" DJ whimpered, the two now huddled together in the make-up confessional.

"I have no idea!" Dawn replied just before a sack was forced over her by someone off-screen, and another pair of arms hit a shrieking DJ over the head with a small club.

xxx

The numbered studios were shown briefly, the camera panning up to the fake hill and the sky before cutting to what looked like the inside of a cave with numerous stagelights set up on the ceiling and floor.

The camera panned down to the seven contestants lying in a heap on the ground and groaning as they regained consciousness. Scarlett, Amy, and Jo were tangled together on the far left; B and Lightning lay apart in the center; and Dawn was face-to-face on top of DJ on the right. As soon as they opened their eyes and saw each other, they blushed and pushed away from each other.

"S-sorry," DJ stammered, "I didn't, uh..."

"No no, it's alright," Dawn said quickly. "And besides, it's not like either of us is hurt."

DJ smiled and wiped his brow. "Really? That's a relief," he said as they both got back on their feet and walked over to help B up.

The camera quick-panned over to Amy, who was looking at them suspiciously. "Well," she said as she stood up and brushed the dust off her uniform, "um, _that_ happened."

"You alright, Amy?" Lightning asked, pushing Scarlett and Jo aside to get to her. "Uhh, not that Lightning ain't still _mad_ or anythin'."

Amy smiled at him. "Looks like it! What about you," she asked, adopting a look of concern, "did they hurt you?"

The uber-jock gave her a cocky smile and flexed his arms. "Like some puny gas can hurt _this_," he told her, kissing his biceps.

"Good to hear it!" she told him with a giggle and a sly smile as both Jo and Scarlett rolled their eyes at the couple.

The viewpoint moved over the shoulders of the regrouped teens as the dramatic spy theme started up again and a holographic image was projected in front of them courtesy of a machine in the cave wall. It quickly formed a scene of Chris McLean sitting in his control tent and laughing evilly, with a patch over his left eye and a short-haired white cat getting stroked in his lap. Jo and B gaped as they looked up at it, as did Amy and Lightning.

"Wel-kom, to ze cloak an dag-gehr, world ov Spy Moveez, mon and wom-mon!" he told them in an utterly indeterminate accent.

"Uh, care to repeat that?" Jo barked. "We can't hear you over that _bad_ Jamaican accent!"

"_Jamaican_?!" DJ exclaimed. "Dude, that was _French_!"

"Um, _German_ much?" Amy corrected as the camera focused on Chris getting increasingly annoyed.

"Korean!" Lightning guessed.

"It almost sounded Arabic to me," Dawn said.

"Umm, _hellooo_?" Chris interrupted in his normal voice. "It's _Russian_? I should know," he pointed at himself, "because _I_ am an ac-_tor_!"

"Yeah, keep tellin' yourself that," Jo told him with a smirk.

"Any good spy in any good spy movie must have three essential skills," the host continued, ignoring the comment. "One, the ability to deactivate a bomb." The top-left quarter of the screen changed to a picture of wirecutters preparing to snip the wire of a bundle of dynamite sticks.

"Two, the ability to escape an exploding building." He ducked down into the bottom-left corner as the bottom-right corner became a picture of a figure jumping down from an explosion at the top of a skyscraper.

"And three, the ability to fake an accent that makes people believe you actually speak the language," he said as he returned to the top-right corner and the bottom-left became no more than a standard portrait of himself. "Likea my fab Russian ac-cent, mon!" he said in the mangled accent he'd used earlier.

Amy rolled her eyes and Lightning pursed his lips in annoyance, while Dawn, DJ, and B just stared up at him blankly. "You'll need to two of the three skills to get through today's reward challenges," Chris told them all in his normal voice. "Can you guess which two? Let me give you a hint!" He switched to his awful Russian accent and said "_Not_ da tird one, mahn!" He began to laugh evilly again, and the castmates turned to each other.

"Well _this_ seems relatively straightforward," Scarlett told Amy and Lightning. "Once again, it comes down to an intellectual challenge between B and I, and a physical challenge for the rest of you."

xxx

"Seriously, despite the different movie genres used as theme each time," Scarlett confessed, "these challenges _do_ have a fairly predictable pattern. Not that I'm complaining, of course," she said with a smirk, clasping her hands on the counter in front of her. "I'd rather have challenges I more easily excel at instead of an overly-athletic _torture session_ like last episode."

xxx

"Well, we know who's handling _our_ bomb," Jo told her teammates with a look towards B.

"Good luck, brother," DJ told the silent genius with a smile and a hand on his shoulder, "we're counting on you." B smirked and gave a thumbs-up.

"Oh," Chris interrupted on the holographic screen, "one last thing! Since I'm really ho-hum bored of the _teams_, I'm bustin' 'em up! From now on," he told the castmates as they watched in stunned silence, "it's every dude and dude-ette for themselves! I'll see you back on solid ground. Let the double-oh-sevening...begin!" Just before the holographic projection ceased, the white cat the host had been petting turned and attacked him

"Yeah, regardless of what _Golden-Ego_ up there says," Jo told B, Dawn, and DJ, "I see no reason for us to break up a good thing. Alliance?" She put her hand forward, and it was soon joined by B. The two looked over at DJ and Dawn, who shared a look before putting their hands in as well.

"Alliance," the brickhouse and moonchild repeated.

The camera quick-panned over to the former Gaffers as they also shared a look. "Y'know," Amy smiled, "I'm happy to take both of you back into _my_ alliance. Especially _you_," she grabbed Lightning by the arm and batted her eyelashes at him, "my strong and handsome lover boy."

Lightning blushed and looked away. "Uh, well, Lightning guesses he can do that."

"And what about you, Scarlett?" Amy asked the brainiac. "You don't wanna have to work _alone_, do you?"

Scarlett shot a brief but panicked back at the former Grips, then furrowed her brow and nodded at Amy. "I'm in."

Amy's grin widened.

xxx

"If Amy wants to think she's doing me a favor by letting me back into '_her_' alliance, then who am I to stop her?" Scarlett said smugly.

xxx

"Uggh," Amy opened her confessional with a disgusted look, "pretending to suck up to other people my age is just so..." She mimed sticking a finger down her throat. "But if I wanna avoid getting voted out again, I need numbers on my side. Hopefully those four _losers_ aren't as close as they seem."

xxx

"Don't get me wrong," Jo confessed, "I still plan on teaming with B to boot Dawn and DJ eventually, but those other three are bigger targets right now."

xxx

"How do we get outta here, anyway?" DJ asked, looking around the room with his teammates-turned-allies.

"Knowing McLean, it'll be some kind of secret passage," Jo said. "Try bumping into random things, one of 'ems probably a switch."

All seven were shown searching the cavern for a few more seconds, until Amy paused to rest on a particularly seat-like stalagmite which turned out to not be a stalagmite at all, but merely a large switch in the shape of one. She nearly lost her balance and fell over as a part of the nearby wall slid away, but she stopped herself in time and grinned. "Hey, look what I found!" she called to the others.

"Good job," Jo told her with a condescending smirk as she and the others headed for the exit. "With the way you stumbled into that, you'd make a good _sidekick_."

Amy fumed as the jock-ette walked past with the others. "Ex_cuse_ me? I am _not_ a sidekick," she said as she joined the others in the elevator that had been revealed in the wall. "And I found that switch on _purpose_." The doors slid shut with a ding before anyone could reply.

/

A dinging sound characteristic of an elevator stopping at multiple floors accompanied a rising shot of what appeared, on the outside, to be a large water tower. The scene cut inside, revealing a large and mostly-empty circular room that was lined with carved stone columns. In the very center was a pedestal with a tall glass dome enclosing a bag of something or other, and illuminated from below.

Another ding sounded as the castmates walked into the room in pair, Jo and Lightning taking the lead followed by B and Amy, DJ and Dawn, and Scarlett in the back.

"Sha-_dang_!" Lightning whistled with and awestruck smile.

"Not bad," Jo echoed with a smile of her own.

"This is like, some kind of _museum_!" Amy added.

The viewpoint shifted behind the seven as they came to a halt and another hologram of Chris – back in his usual clothes and covered in faint scratch marks – was projected in front of them. "Don't I look awesome in blue?" he said idly to his uninterested audience. "Now, for the first part of the spy movie challenge. See that case in the middle of the room?" He pointed to the glass-covered pedestal, and the camera cut in for a close-up of it. "You have to get whatever's inside, 'cause you're gonna need it for part two of the challenge!"

"Please, this some kind of sha-joke?" the uber-jock scoffed as he walked forward. "Lightning just has to smash it!"

As he walked cockily past one of the pillars, a small panel slid open in it and a laser popped out, the beam quickly reflecting off a number of mirrors mounted around the room. The host cleared his throat just as a beam shot over Lightning's shoulder causing the boy to yelp and recoil away from it, and Chris said "I _need_ to _finish_! You gotta get whatever's inside without setting off the alarm. But be careful, those lasers will cut you _clear_ in half!"

"In _half_?!" DJ repeated in alarm. "I don't wanna be cut in half!"

B warily approached the laser field and ducked, using his hands to measure the width of the gap between two beams against his own girth.

"Yeah, you might have some trouble with this one," Jo told him, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"This requires some thoughtful preparation..." Scarlett said, tapping her chin as she stared at the maze of lasers.

"Only _nerds_ think," the uber-jock said as he crouched down and pounced through a gap in front of him, rolling back on his feet without getting hit once. "Lightning _does_!" he said with a confident smirk.

/

The footage skipped forward to Lightning doing an awkward headstand in the middle of the laser field, his legs bent at two awkward angles as he wobbled in place, trying to keep himself from falling over.

"Lightning thinks he shoulda done something else!" he exclaimed just before the camera pulled back a little to show Amy slinking through the lasers nearby. His eyes popped open and a grin formed on his face when he caught sight of her carefully bending and stepping past the beams. "Hello, _gorgeous_!" he called to her lewdly, distracting the cheerleader for a moment.

"Eek!" she yelped after accidentally touching one of the beams with her fingertips. "Lightning, don't _do_ that!" she told the grinning jock with a full blush. "I need to actually _concentrate_ on this, hello?"

"Oh, yeah," Lightning said with a wobble and a more serious expression. "Sorry girl, Lightning didn't mean to take you outta the zone!"

The shot cut over to DJ and Dawn, the latter quickly ducking through the lasers with ease while the former struggled to maneuver his muscular upper body low enough to pass under the next beam. "Oww!" he cried in pain as his back got singed, and he looked up to see Dawn standing in front of him with a small smile on her face.

"Would you like some help?" she asked happily.

"Yes!" DJ answered, singeing his shoulder when he tried to move it.

Another cut put the focus on Jo as she maneuvered the field with a confident smile on her face. From a crouching position she jumped up and over the next laser between her and the case, tucking her legs and rolling in mid-air before landing on both feet. "Y'know what, this is actually kinda fun!"

The camera quick-panned over to B, who had yet to enter the laser field. Scratching his chin, he opened the right side of his coat to reveal a plethora of tool attached to the inner lining. With a moment's deliberation he took out a broad and well-polished chisel, and held it in the beam's path. It acted like a mirror and reflected the beam backwards, causing the silent genius to nod happily.

The focus moved back to Amy as she slipped down under another low beam, and the shot briefly cut to an overhead view of the room, showing that she was and Jo were the closest to the central case, followed by Scarlett, the still-upside-down Lightning, DJ and Dawn, and B still close to the edge of the lasers.

"How does it feel, knowing that _my_ four are gonna dominate _your_ three in the votes from here on out?" Jo called back at the brainiac with a cocky smirk.

"Oh, I'm sure I'd be intimidated had I not already accounted for that possibility in my plans," Scarlett responded without taking her eyes off the lasers in front of her.

Jo paused in her tracks, and gave Scarlett a look of suspicion and disbelief. "How? Even if one of you wins immunity the next time it's up for grabs, we'll just vote for one of the other two. And it's not like you're gonna convince any of us to go with _you_ instead of _me_."

Scarlett got herself between two lasers safely, then gave a light shrug. "Well, I'm obviously not going to tell _you_ anything. You'll find out soon enough." She started to step over another laser, which just about finished closing the gap between her and the jock-ette.

xxx

"She's _bluffing_," Jo told the confessional camera. "She has to be! There's no _way_ she'll be able to turn this around on me, not unless _McLean_ pulls another stunt. But hey," she smirked, "if she wants a bigger target on her back, I'm happy to give her one.

xxx

"Just a little more," Dawn said softly as she guided DJ's leg over a laser with one hand and held onto him with the other. "There!" she smiled once the leg was temporarily out of harm's way again.

"Thanks!" DJ smiled down at her before turning a troubled look towards the case. "Though I don't think we're gonna get there first."

"Probably," Dawn said while looking in the same direction, "but we should at least try, right?" She quickly ducked under the next laser, then took him by the hand and started to guide him forward as well.

The scene moved back to B, who was now wielding a reflective tool in either hand and making a small amount of progress towards the case. He looked in its direction and the camera quick-panned to follow, showing Amy ducking and sliding closer and closer to it and Jo further away. After a brief moment's thought he re-angled his chisel, redirecting a laser beam straight at the case – the camera zoomed in as it ricocheted upward, bounced off the ceiling, and grazed past the jock-ette's upper left arm.

"Ow! Hey, what was that for!" Jo said, holding her arm and looking around the room to see who had hit her. Her glare soon locked on to B, who gave her a wide-eyed and apologetic head-shake, followed by a vigorous point in another direction. She blinked, then turned a more inquisitive gaze towards the case just as Amy reached it. "Aww man, how could I let her get so far ahead of me?!"

"Oh, I'm sure my _years_ of cheerleading practice didn't help me or anything," Amy said offhandedly before giving the case a blank stare. "So, umm, what do I do now?"

"Just grab somethin' and smash it open!" Lightning called, still in a handstand but with his legs looking ready to be lowered to the ground.

"That's a _bad idea_," Scarlett told her. "It's entirely possible that Chris gave the case more than one layer of protection!"

"Umm, _first_ of all," Amy said with furrowed brow as she looked at the case, then bent down to examine the pedestal it was on, "I'm pretty sure the only protection this has is the glass. And second," she stood back up, "what _exactly_ am I supposed to smash it with?"

"Uhh...," Lightning muttered as he wobbled on his head and hands, "just stay there, Lightning'll be there in a flash!" he told her with a grin.

Amy looked away and rolled her eyes. "No thanks," she replied, turning her head back towards him and smiling sweetly, "I think I have an idea." She reached down and took off one of her long cheer boots, muttering "This better _work_..."

Pursing her lips, she held the toe of the boot and struck the case a few times with the thick heel. There was no effect at first, but once she started to put the boot back on the glass shattered into countless pieces.

Almost immediately, the lasers began to turn off. "That's my girl!" Lightning smiled as the beams around him retreated, the machines creating them retracting into the columns around the room. He promptly fell on his back, and Scarlett gave Jo a smug smirk.

xxx

"Oh em gee," Amy confessed, "I finally won a challenge! Seriously, I was starting to forget what victory _felt_ like. Maybe now I can actually make some _progress_ in this annoying game. I still have to figure out how to break those other four up, but I'm sure I'll think of something. I always do!"

xxx

"Umm, what _exactly_ am I supposed to do with a weird gun thingy and wire cutters?" Amy asked as she pulled the tool and a grappling gun out of the sack and the others walked over to her.

"Presumably, they're meant to assist your escape from a building that's about to explode," Scarlett told her with a small smile.

At that instant the room was tinted red as Chris' hologram reappeared. "The room blows in _ten_!" he announced with an evil grin as an appropriately dangerous tune began to play in the background and the castmates screamed. The camera focused on a small timer in the corner of the projection, which counted down along with the host. "Nine! Eight! Seven! Six! Five!"

"I don't wanna die!" DJ cried as he grabbed Dawn and held her tight. "Momma!"

Dawn, though briefly shocked by the embrace, said nothing. She glared up at the host's projection, then with a faint blush allowed the sobbing brickhouse to hold her tighter.

"There's no time to escape!" Amy shrieked in panic, darting towards Lightning and hugging him without thinking.

"Where's the freaking _exit_?!" Jo shouted with frantic anger as she and B looked around the room.

Scarlett merely stood in the middle of them all, eyes and teeth and fists all clenched tight.

"Three! Two! One!" Each group of castmates was shown again in quick succession. "PBBBT! SUCKERS!" A raspberry and laughing exclamation ended the countdown, and the red light faded from the room. "You shoulda seen the looks on your _faces_!"

All seven glared up at him, but the camera focused on DJ and Dawn as they looked back at each other and separated with a blush.

xxx

"I know I said I had a crush on Dawn in the past," DJ stammered into the camera, "but I got over it when I started goin' out with Sammy! I only hugged Dawn because she's my best friend left in the game right now, and that's the truth!" He closed his eyes and put his fists on top of the counter. "It's just _gotta_ be, okay?"

xxx

Dawn began her confessional with a wistful sigh. "Even though I'm certain he only did it because he thought we were about to perish horribly, I..._enjoyed_ hugging him." She spoke forcefully, then looked away from the camera and took a deep breath, then looked back. "But although Daddy said I shouldn't, I must set aside my own feelings for _their_ sake. Even...," she blushed and looked away again, "even if I can't help but think it would be quite nice if Sammy had been there _too_..."

xxx

"You'll need the zipwire gun and the wire cutters for the next spy challenge," Chris told the cast. "Whether Amy, our little _cat burglar_, chooses to share the tools with the _tools_," he said as Amy was shown looking at the two items she'd won, "is totally up to her. Oh! And by the way! The _first_ countdown was just a test! The _real_ countdown begins, _now_!"

The room was bathed in red light again and the timer appeared in the corner of the projected screen as the grinning host began to count. "Thirty! Twenty-nine! Twenty-eight!"

"We really _are_ gonna die!" DJ shrieked, beginning to cry again.

"But we _can't_ be!" Dawn exclaimed. "My tea leaves this morning said _nothing_ about us dying today!"

"Yeah, I'm with her," Jo announced above the beeping and tense music. "Who's to say McLean isn't faking us out again?"

The camera quick-panned down and outside to the base of the tower, where a large number of bombs, mines, and fireworks were planted.

It cut back inside as Scarlett spoke up. "Well I for one am unwilling to risk my life against our host's whims. We need to set up the zip line _now_."

The shot moved to B as he walked over to the wall, rubbed his chin in thought, then pushed against one of the panels – it swung out into the open air with little resistance. He waved the others over, and Scarlett looked out through the hole. "Excellent" she said. "If we can secure one end of the line to a building, and the other to this pillar," she pointed at the nearby column, "then we can escape."

Amy started to walk towards the opening but paused, and a devilish smile crept onto her face. "Umm, who says I'm letting any of you come?" she asked suddenly, giving the uber-jock a smile "Aside from _Lightning_, of course."

"Are you _serious_?" DJ asked in bewilderment. "We'll all _die_ if you don't let us use the zip line!"

"Unless it's just another _fake-out_," Amy answered with a snide smile. "But if you don't wanna risk it, then you'd better make it worth my time by giving me something in return."

"Wow, _ally_," Scarlett said dryly, "it's so thoughtful of you to give me a choice between _extortion_ and possible _death_."

"Hey, be glad I'm giving you a chance at all!" Amy shot back. "I could've just left you all here and give myself a head start on the next challenge." The shot briefly panned over the stunned and angry faces of the other five contestants before returning to Amy's wicked smirk and Lightning's serious frown. "Better give me an offer soon, there's not much time left!"

The shot cut over to a close-up of the time as it ticked down to 16, 15, 14 before moving back to the five castmates. It was DJ who hung his head first, biting his lip before looking the mean girl straight in the eye. "Fine, just name your price!" he said with a quivering voice.

"I want half the prize money if you win," Amy said without missing a beat.

As one, four of the five exclaimed "_What_?!" and the footage was paused.

Chris stepped in front of the screen and said "I _knew_ there was a reason we let Amy come back! She's _nasty_." He grinned and rubbed his hands together, adding "I loooove nasty!" He stepped back out of sight, and the footage unpaused with a dramatic beat.

The cheerleader folded her arms smugly, and the timer was shown counting down to 11 and 10. "Clock's ticking," she reminded the others as they glared at her. "Are you in, or not?"

"How about _not_," Jo replied, stepping forward and shoving the mean girl over before she or Lightning could react. Quickly grabbing the zipwire gun as it was tossed into the air, she pointed it at the hole in the wall and fired. The view moved outside as the grappling hook flew out of the tower, bounced a few times off the roof of a nearby building, and was reeled back in until it got hooked on a vent.

Back inside, Jo was tying the other end of the line around a nearby column while Lightning helped Amy to her feet. "Hey, you can't _do_ that to me!" she shrieked, a few strands of hair slightly out of place.

"Can and did," the jock-ette told her. "And I'm doing _this_, too," she added, swiftly grabbing Lightning's waistline and removing his belt. She slung it over the line, then positioned herself in front of the opening. "If any of you wanna live, I suggest you hop on." Amy and Lightning shared a panicked look.

/

The beeping continued as the shot moved back outside, focusing on the belt first as it slid down the line before zooming out to show the screaming contestants – Jo holding onto the belt, B and DJ holding onto her, Dawn with her arms around DJ's neck, B with Scarlett on his back and a nearly-pantsless Lightning on his leg, and Amy with her arms around Lightning's chest.

They landed on the other roof, with Lightning and Amy skidding along on the athlete's back, Dawn flipping forward onto her back after DJ belly-flopped, Scarlett landing on her butt, and Jo tucking and rolling before B bowled her over.

"It's gonna blow!" DJ cried as he squeezed his eyes shut and covered his ears. The shot cut over to the explosives at the base of the tower as the lone fuse burned the last few inches...and fizzled.

"Hey, we've been sha-dipped!" Lightning exclaimed as he propped himself up on his elbows, Amy still no top of him.

"Leave it to _McLean_ to fake us out twice," Jo grumbled with her hands on her hips.

"As if we have the budget to blow up an _entire building_!" the host explained, the camera panning across the roof to reveal him at the end leaning against some tarp-covered object. "I was just playing with ya! Again. Because I can," he grinned.

"Dude, I nearly peed myself!" DJ said angrily.

"Oh, really?" Amy laughed. "Wait til _Samey_ hears." DJ blushed and glared at her.

"Okay, kiddies!" Chris announced. "Time for the next super-spook challenge!" He grabbed the tarp and yanked it away, revealing a series of identical-looking oil drums with LCD timers strapped and wired onto the side. "In front of you, you will see seven bombs," he told them as he walked in front of the seven drums. "You will have to deactivate the bombs with only the tools you got from the last challenge – the wire cutters. Oh, wait!" the host frowned playfully, slapping his forehead. "Wasn't _Amy_ the only one who got the wire cutters?"

Amy looked down at the tool in her hand and grinned.

Chris laughed. "Well, I guess everybody else will just have to find their own way of cuttin' the wires," he said with a jovial shrug. "Sucks to be you! Any questions?"

"Will you be providing the bomb schematics?" Scarlett asked dryly.

"Is this another sha-fake out?" Lightning raised his hand.

"Is this something we can actually do, or are these gonna blow up no matter which wire we cut?" Jo asked bluntly and forcefully.

"Cool," Chris said with a grin, "if there are no questions, then what are we waiting for?" He walked a couple feet away, then paused and turned back. "Oh yeah! A couple more things! Those barrels are filled with _the_ most stinky, the most _noxious_ substances known to human kind! Yeah, that's right, we're talking _major_ stinkbomb."

Amy and Scarlett both looked disgusted, but the brainiac quickly shook it away and raised her hand again. "Okay, what else did you want to tell us?"

"Thanks for reminding me," the host said after briefly turning to walk away, then turning back again and pointing finger pistols at the silent genius. "B has to take off that coat of his." The shot cut to a close-up of the boy in question as his eyebrows shot up. "Sorry dude, but for all we know you have enough wire cutters for everyone in there, and that wouldn't be much of a challenge." B hung his head and started taking off his coat, and the camera moved back to Chris. "Yo, Chef!" he called off to the side.

The large man appeared moments later, rising up to the roof on a scissor lift and wearing a tennis outfit. "Why can't _you_ handle this?" he told the host while walking over to the bombs. "I'm busy!" He flipped a switch next to the rightmost barrel, then grabbed B's coat from the boy and walked back.

A quick series of high-pitched beeps signaled the bombs' activation, and the camera zoomed in on the timer – now counting down from 3:00. Chris got on to the scissor lift with Chef, and they started to descend. "Good luck," the host told the castmates, "'cause this time, you're _really_ gonna need it."

The contestants took positions behind each of the bombs as tense and repetitive music began in the background, with B and Jo taking the pair on the far right. "Okay, looks like we got blue, yellow, and red wires," the jock-ette mused, rubbing her chin as she looked over the bomb.

Next to her, the coatless B was crouched down with his ear up against the timer. The camera short-panned to the left to show DJ, Dawn, and Scarlet at the next three bombs, with the brickhouse and mystic watching the silent boy for a second before turning their gazes downward.

"Can't you, I don't know, tell which wires are gonna blow us up if we cut 'em?" DJ asked the girl next to him.

The camera short-panned over again as Dawn shook her head. "There's too much negative energy around us, I can't tell how it's flowing!" B was now out of the shot, and Amy was shown on the left with the wire cutters held tentatively above the bomb.

Another short-pan put DJ out of sight in exchange for Lightning, who was scratching his head. "Obviously what's needed is a _scientific_ approach," Scarlett said matter-of-factly, bending down and attempting to pry the face off the timer with her bare hands.

Amy laughed nervously as she looked at her bomb with a few fingers on her lips. "Umm, so which one am I supposed to cut?"

"One that _doesn't_ cause your stink bomb to explode," Scarlett told her dryly, the camera briefly short-panning back to the right.

"Well _duh_, I know that," Amy said brattily. "How are we supposed to guess which one it is?"

"_Luck_, in your case," Scarlett muttered after halting her efforts to pry apart the timer casing.

Amy shot a quick glare at the redhead before resuming her worried look.

"Ain't it the _red_ wire they always cut in the movies?" Lightning wondered aloud as the camera short-panned back to him scratching his head. "Or is that the one you're _not_ supposed to cut? C'mon Lightning, think!"

The shot cut back to other end of the row. "Any ideas, Silent B?" Jo asked the boy next to her, receiving only a worried shrug in return.

"Unless we can open up the casings," Scarlett said as the camera panned down the line, "we'll never know for sure."

Jo scowled as the timer ticked down past 2:00. "In that case, we might as well just guess randomly!" Under B and DJ's nervous watch, she grabbed the red wire and began to pull at it. It broke in seconds, but although her bomb did not explode, the timer attached to it didn't stop counting down either. "Red's a dud!" she yelled to the others.

"Then I'm cutting _blue_!" Amy responded. "It's fashion-forward, _and_ it matches my eyes." She quickly snipped the chosen wire, again to no effect.

"It's a sha-dud, too!" shouted Lightning, who had been watching his girlfriend's attempt.

"Crap, we gotta cut the yellow wire, and fast!" Jo shouted as she began to tug and tear at her yellow wire, the shot cutting out to show Lightning, Dawn, and DJ doing more-or-less the same. Scarlett and B, on the other hand, were still looking thoughtfully at their bombs.

"Too bad _you_ don't have my wire cutters!" Amy taunted, the footage slowing down to show her cut through the yellow wire. The slow-motion ended and the shot pulled back out, Amy's grin fading rapidly as she realized her countdown timer was still ticking past 1:20. "Why is it still going when I cut the right wire?!" she exclaimed in an angry panic.

"The wiring isn't the same for all of them!" Scarlett shouted while pulling all three of her wires at the same time. The screen split into three sections, each zooming in on a different wire and showing them snap at about the same time to a short but triumphant section of background music.

Zooming back out, it was revealed that B had been the one to cut all three of his wires. The timer on his bomb stopped, and the background music resumed its intensity.

"Quick," Jo shouted as the other timers ticked past 0:51, "cut all of 'em!" She immediately went to work on hers, and the camera panned down across the row to show DJ, Dawn, and Scarlett doing the same.

"Done!" Amy shouted as soon as the camera reached her, the shot lingering on a close-up of her three broken wires and stopped timer.

"Almost there...," Lightning muttered as he too tried to forcibly break the wires.

The camera cut back to Scarlett as the brainiac grit her teeth and yanked with all her strength. "Got it!" she yelled as soon as the wires snapped.

/

The view cut to some nondescript hillside where a squirrel was happily bouncing along the ground, the beeping of the bomb timers still audible amongst the calmer background score that had started when the scene changed. A sudden explosion in the distance made the squirrel duck down and wince, a plume of greenish-brown rising up into the air. The squirrel cautiously raised its head back up, only to be forced to duck and wince even harder when three more explosions went off in the same spot at about the same time. That was followed by several seconds of calm, and the now-trembling squirrel finally stood back up...only for a fifth explosion to go off, causing the squirrel to flee in terror.

The camera panned down and to the left, showing Chris sitting casually by some film equipment, sipping a cup of coffee. "What?" he asked the camera, setting his cup down on the saucer in his hand. "_Obviously_ we're not gonna wire each bomb exactly the same way," he explained to the camera in a put-upon tone. "That would be _way_ too easy for our production crew! And no fun for me!" He leaned back in his chair and laughed, and a low drumroll made way for the next scene transition.

/

A bluebird was shown perched in a tree, looking down as the colorful stench of something below wafted up to it. It took a single sniff, then with a strangled chirp it fell from its branch, bounced off the roof of and canopy of the guys' trailer, and fell into a large pool of something red where Dawn, DJ, and Jo were sitting amidst a fog of foul odor.

Chef appeared at the side of the pool, a gas mask on his face as he poured a large tomato-labeled can in. The shot pulled out, showing that all the other contestants save Amy were also in the pool.

"Well _this_ absolutely bites," Jo grumbled as Chef emptied his can and walked off-screen.

"Leave it to Chris to only add contingency wires to _some_ of the bombs," Scarlett added on the left end of the tank, between Lightning and the still-coatless B.

Just then, Amy came up for air next to the uber-jock. "Well, at least this tomato soup is good for our skin, right?" Her smiles was met by five glares, all of which she ignored.

"Glad you like it," Chef said as he came back up behind her and tossed a handful of bendy straws into the pool, "'cause it's also _dinner_." He chuckled darkly and walked away, and the castmates hesitantly picked up the straws as they floated by.

Amy stuck her tongue out in disgust, then forced a smile and laugh. "As disgusting as this is, at least we're all in this together."

"Would you can it with the goody-goody act?" Jo shot at her.

"Yeah!" DJ chimed in. "_Especially_ after you tried to extort half our prize money from us!"

"What, are you still _mad_ about that?" the cheerleader asked with a dismissive hand wave. "Please, like any of you would've done differently. It's just how the game works! So _what_ if I took advantage of what was going on?" she said before looking away thoughtfully. "And now that I think about it, it really _was_ a good strategy for me."

"Yeah, to make us hate you even _more_," DJ told her, crossing his arms with a soupy splash.

Amy rolled her eyes, and before anyone else said something the shot pulled back to show Chris approaching in a gas mask of his own. "Is everybody having fun yet?" he asked mischievously. "Amy and B, as the winners of the first and second challenges, _you_ get the reward!" A light and reverent melody played as the host donned a more dramatic tone of voice. "An all-expense paid trip to..."

"Ooh, Paris?" Amy asked excitedly. "Greece? Hawaii?"

"How 'bout back where she _came_ from?" DJ interrupted with a mischievous smile of his own, earning a bit of laughter from Dawn, Jo, and even B.

The mean girl scowled. "Like it's gonna be _that_," she said before turning a concerned look towards the host and asking "right?"

"No," Chris answered with a smile, "but good try from DJ though. It's an all-expense paid trip to...a local _cheese factory_!" Amy scowled again, and B smiled lightly and gave a thumbs-up. "While on tour," the host continued as a light elevator-music-like melody began to play, "you'll get to sample all the _cheeses_ of the world! From _blue_ cheese, to _green_ cheese, to _head_ cheese, which isn't technically a cheese, but reeks just the same!"

"Dude, you gotta bring me back some gouda if you can," DJ said, putting his hand on the silent genius' shoulder. "I _love_ me some gouda."

"Ooh, Lightning wants some fancy cheese too!" the uber-jock said, looking at Amy brightly.

"Fine," the cheerleader sighed in annoyance. "I'll get you something, okay?"

"Incidentally, how long do you expect us to remain in this pool?" Scarlett asked the host.

"Well, it'll be about twelve hours before the _stink_ wears off," he told her as he walked away, "so I'd say about that long!"

Scarlett pursed her lips, narrowed her eyes, and allowed herself to sink just about up to her nose in the soup.

/

"The teams are no more," Chris told the camera after the scene flashed forward and he took off his gas mask. "Let's see how _these_ stinkers do on their own," he briefly waved his hand in front of his nose, "next time, on Total! Drama! _Action_!"

Just as the scene began to fade, the white cat he'd been stroking earlier attacked his face again.

(Fade to Black)

/

/

/

**[Bonus Clip]**

The scene faded in to the back seat of the limousine of losers, the scenery out the partially-open window indicating that it was still daytime. Amy was sitting next to it on the far left, B was sitting on the far right with his coat back on, and neither were looking at each other.

This continued for several awkward seconds, the only sounds being the gentle whirs and hums of travel, until Amy finally turned her head and asked "So what's your _deal_, anyway? Why don't you ever talk?"

B turned his head just to give her an annoyed look with a single raised eyebrow, then turned back and looked out his own slightly-opened window.

Amy rolled her eyes. "_Sorry_. I guess you can't answer that without actually saying something for once."

Silence filled the limo for several more seconds, until a sly smile formed on Amy's face. "You know, I'm surprised someone as _smart_ as you isn't, umm, _strategizing_ more. Like, you could _totally_ get to the finale if you just played a little bit differently."

B raised an eyebrow at her again, although this time was more with disbelief than anything else.

Amy shrugged and looked away. "Just something to think about," she said with a playful smile.

* * *

**Author's Note - Post Script**

So, as you can see, I decided to include the bonus clip for this episode. I did it mostly because it takes place in the limo, but also because it's a 'conversation' between Amy and B - I couldn't pass up such an opportunity.

Other than that...yeah, not much has changed alliance-wise despite the merge. Amy managed to basically get Lightning and Scarlett on her side, and Jo's decided to not let a good thing slide (even though she does still intend on weeding out Dawn or DJ later on). I hope everyone's characterization was consistent, particularly Amy's since she went from trying to suck up to the others to avoid getting eliminated to basically extorting them. I tried to smooth the transition a bit so it wasn't too jarring, but I'm not sure how it worked. Amy is...well, she looks out for herself before anyone else, obviously. She doesn't want to get eliminated, but at the same time is willing to take advantage of opportunities she sees.

Perhaps I just shouldn't have included the same Courtney-esque scene to begin with. But then again, that would mean no response from Jo. Including that scene will also have at least one other benefit down the line as well, but you'll have to wait and find out what exactly I have in mind.

Well, just let me know what you think of the chapter, just like always. And I'll see you next week!

\- Fangren

* * *

**Appendix: TSA Eliminated Contestants**

Geoff - (Tied for 15th Place)

Bridgette - (Tied for 15th Place)

Shawn - (14th Place)

Alejandro - (13th Place)

Sierra - (12th Place)

Beardo - (11th Place)

Topher - (10th Place)

Sammy - (9th Place)

Beth - (8th Place)


	17. Chapter 17 - Super He-Jo

**Author's Note**

Rejoice, for the final non-Aftermath episode of this quarter of the story has arrived! Despite not quite finishing the next episode (as has become usual for Aftermaths), I am still proud to present the first post-merge elimination.

However, there are a few things to clear up beforehand. First is something that several reviews mentioned, so I decided would be best to address separately. To put it simply, **I despise the '6teen opening parody' segment of canon's 'Dial M for Merger'.** I find it incredibly awkward and out-of-place rather than funny, and it serves no real purpose in the story. I don't think I'd be able to write it out with the canon cast, much less the Shuffled cast of this season. I'm not sorry if anyone was disappointed by this decision.

That aside, on to the reviews!

**Elizabeth Life Stone:** Thanks?

**HEY:** I already addressed this issue above.

**Zak Saturday:** Hmm, good question. It's hard to say for certain, but thinking back I'd put Jo stealing the zipline gun from Amy, the stinkbombs going off in the distance, and the Bonus Clip as the three parts I liked to write most, with Chris' accent at fourth.

**acosta perez jose ramiro:** Thanks! I know a lot of people saw Courtney as being something of a Mary Sue in the canon season, so as her counterpart in Shuffled I decided I wanted Amy to get away with much less. Plus, it was just a fun scene to write. And as for the teams sticking together as alliances, it just seems like a natural strategy when you still get along with your teammates and there's still a common enemy left. I think the only reason it didn't happen in canon was because Duncan and Harold hate each other, and nobody really liked Courtney.

**bruno14:** Thanks for the review! I'm glad you liked the chapter, and how everyone left is turning out. I hope you enjoy this one as well!

**FOWLKON:** Well, DJ's had a few moments of snark in canon - not to the extent of Noah, but it's not like the big guy doesn't know how to crack a joke. Other than that, I'm glad you liked what I did with the chapter - the gag with Chris you mentioned was in the canon episode as well, but I did end up changing a few things with the explosions.

**Glowing Insanity:** Thanks! And yeah, most of the cast won't fall for her nice act any time soon.

**I. M. Poik:** Interesting thoughts/predictions as always, and I'm super glad you liked last chapter so much. Not much else to say, other than that I hope you enjoy how the rest of the season goes.

**80jj:** Yup, those were pretty much my thoughts exactly. I hope you enjoy what happens next!

**OMAC001:** Thanks!

**Ali6132:** Haha, well, Amy being able and willing to kiss up to people is, I think, something that suits her. We don't know much about her life outside the game in canon, but it's pretty clear she's convinced pretty much everyone around her that her sister is the 'lesser' twin. I didn't think it was much of a stretch to have her do what she could to get back on people's good side, especially when her fate in the game was on the line. Other than that, interesting predictions - I'm looking forward to seeing how you react to future events.

**StayOuttaMyShed:** Ohoho, your analysis and thoughts are always a delight to read. Nothing I can really say about them without spoiling stuff (aside from my continued happiness that people generally like how I'm developing Amy), so for now I'll just have to hope you continue to enjoy the story.

**Knifez:** Thanks! And yeah, I've been rewatching World Tour in preparation for next season recently, and am definitely trying to switch things up a bit. The fact that in-universe Chris deliberately kept the nature of most challenges a secret until the end helps a lot, although for logistical reasons I can't change all of them around. Interesting analysis and predictions, and I'm glad you like how I'm handling Amy. Thanks for the continued reviews!

**Ddynamo:** Yup, hard to how far this story has already come - especially since I've mostly finished the third Aftermath already. It's still a long way until July 31st, though, which is the date I expect the Celebrity Manhunt Special to be posted. The teams have merged, and things are definitely gonna be interesting from here on out.

**Lowland Warrior:** Still not much to say since you've only gotten up to Chapter 8 in your reviews, but I'm glad you enjoyed the first Aftermath, and I hope you enjoy the next two as well - especially how Sam and Dakota develop as hosts. Thanks for the reviews, and I hope to see them keep coming.

**Star Saber21:** Thanks! Also, for the belt thing, I figured that if Harold's belt could hold everyone in canon, Lightning's belt could hold everyone here. And I hope you enjoy the super-identities I've come up with for the cast.

**insertnamehere21:** Yup, there's definitely a lot of things that can happen here. No matter how it turns out, though, I hope you like it.

**DestructiveMilkshake:** Always great to hear from a first-time reviewer! I'm glad you liked what I've done with Jo, since she struck me early on as someone I'd like to develop into more of a team-player. As for the pre-merge boots from last season not making it to the merge this time around...yeah, I'll admit I kinda dropped that ball without even thinking about it. I had, as I said in the Author's Notes of past chapters, initially intended for Topher to last this long, but obviously I changed my mind. For next season, though, I will say that I'm strongly considering a number of pre-merge TSI boots to make it further in the game. I won't say anything else now, though.

Now that the reviews have been accounted for, it's time for the last bit of weekly bookkeeping with the remaining players list, now updated for the merge:

Girls \- Amy, Dawn, Jo, Scarlett

Boys \- B, DJ, Lightning

That said, I hope you've got your snacks (and perhaps a text-to-speech program) ready, because it's Hero Time!

\- Fangren

* * *

**Episode 17 – Super He-Jo**

"Last time, on Total Drama Action!" The scene flashed from the stock shot of the film lot to a clip of Chris' first hologram appearance from the previous episode. "It was every dude and dudette for themselves, as the teams were busted up." The seven teens were shown reacting with shock, then Jo and Amy were each shown talking to their former teammates. "Sadly, that didn't stop them from buddying right back up again."

xxx

"Aliiance?" Jo asked the trio of B, Dawn, and DJ, sticking her hand forward. The other three put their hands on top of it, and the brickhouse and moonchild repeated the call of "Alliance."

xxx

"You don't wanna have to work _alone_, do you?" Amy asked Scarlett with Lightning already at her side.

Scarlett furrowed her brow and nodded. "I'm in."

xxx

"Surprisingly," the host continued over footage of the mean girl slinking, stepping, and bending through the field of lasers, "it was _Amy_ who showed off her moves during the first challenge, wowing Lightning once again."

xxx

"Hello, gorgeous!" Lightning called to Amy lewdly, distracting the cheerleader for a moment.

xxx

"The cast made it out of a fake exploding building," Chris said as the seven were shown sliding down the zip line together, "but _failed_ to defuse some serious stink bombs." One of the gaseous explosions was shown from the hillside where the host had been lounging just out of sight, and the next clip had all seven castmates in the pool of soup. "Forcing them to de-stink in tomato juice baths!" He let out a joy-filled breath and added "I _love_ my job!"

"In the end, Amy and B got the _fabulous reward_," the host continued as the two challenge winners were shown in the back of the limousine of losers not even looking at each other, "a trip to the local stinky cheese factory!" The recap footage flashed back to the pool of soup.

xxx

"Dude, you gotta bring me back some gouda if you can," DJ said, putting his arm around the silent genius. "I _love_ me some gouda."

"Ooh, Lightning wants some fancy cheese too!" the uber-jock said, looking at Amy brightly.

xxx

"Will the former Grips manage to keep things together?" the host asked as the screen split into quarters, Jo and B on top against gold and purple; DJ and Dawn below against green and blue. "Or will Amy's alliance self-destruct first?" The ex-Grips were replaced with a three-way angled split with Scarlett against brown on the left, Amy against orange in the middle, and Lightning against red on the right.

"All this on today's episode _of_," Chris said back at the film lot, "Total! Drama! Action!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be...famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be...famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

The scene opened up at night as the three remaining guys exited the craft services tent with cheese in their arms.

"Dude, this is some _fine_ gouda!" DJ told B after taking a bite out of a hunk of cheese. "Thanks again for scorin' me some." The silent boy smile and flashed a thumbs-up.

"Pfft, your gouda ain't got _nothin_' on this gruyère that Amy got me!" Lightning said before stuffing his mouth.

"Are you really gonna let her bribe you like that?" DJ asked. "You _got_ to know she's just tryin' to keep you on her side."

"Dude, what are you even talkin' about?" Lightning countered. "Amy just got me what I asked for, how's that a bribe?"

DJ raised an eyebrow, shared a look with B, then said "You _do_ remember her tryin' to extort us don't you?"

"Excuse me, but Lightning's girl specifically left him _out_ of that deal," the uber-jock said. "And if anything, that just proves how much she cares!"

/

The scene flashed to the common area as Amy and Scarlett walked towards their trailer in their nightwear.

"So why exactly did you give Lightning all the cheese you brought back from your reward?" the brainiac asked idly.

"Because it was stinky and he still wanted it?" Amy answered matter-of-factly. "Besides, I can't let him slip away again. You too, either."

Scarlett rolled her eyes.

/

"Say what you want," Lightning told DJ as the three boys brushed their teeth in the communal bathroom, "but Lightning is _always_ gonna think you're just jealous."

"Why, because I'm _not_ dating someone nastier than Chris?" DJ replied with a smirk.

"Well if you think _your_ girl is so hot," the overachiever countered with a smirk of his own, "then how come you're still makin' moves on that creepy girl, too?"

DJ raised an eyebrow at Lightning, and B raised an eyebrow at DJ.

/

"So, uhh," Jo asked Dawn, both girls on their bunks in their pajamas, "what's the deal with you and DJ anyway?"

Dawn's eyes popped open out of her meditative trance, and she blushed lightly. "W-what do you mean?"

/

"Look, we're just friends, alright?" DJ told Lightning as the three boys got into their beds, the brickhouse visibly flustered. "Nothing else!"

"Lightning doesn't believe that for a second!" the uber-jock said. "And until you can get your own love life sorted out, Lightning don't wanna hear you talkin' about _his_."

The two young men flopped down on their beds and turned away from each other, the camera panning over to B and lingering on his contemplative expression.

/

The shot cut back outside, a chorus of crickets and frogs heard in the background as the camera panned up to the full moon and faded forward into the morning sun. A high-pitched scream heralded another scene change as Chef Hatchet was shown in a pink floral nightgown, tied up and dangling from a rope above a street.

"Would you _please_ unhand me?" Scarlett demanded as Jo forcibly dragged her to where the rest of the cast had already gathered, all seven of them in their nightwear.

"Why'd we have to come all the way out here?" DJ asked as Scarlett removed her sleeping mask.

"And why's Chef dangling like a slab of meat?" Jo added, looking up at the tied-up man.

A short drumroll opened up a more engagingly dramatic muscial piece as the camera cut to what was obviously Chris McLean standing atop a nearby building in a familiar-looking cape and cowl. With a floodlight at his back and a rope around his waist, he dived gracefully off the roof. A 'flying' sound effect accompanied a shot of him swinging towards the camera, and he soon snatched Chef to freedom. The pair continued to swing upward thanks to the host's rope, but it soon reached its peak length. Chris' costume flew off him and the smiles faded from their faces as the rope snapped, and they fell to the street with a shout.

"I _knew_ that bungee wouldn't hold!" Chris yelled angrily, his completely messed up as he stood up off of Chef. "That's what happens when production cheaps out! And now my hair is all mussed up!" He pointed at his head as Chef stood up beside him with a dazed expression.

"Excuse me," Amy interrupted indignantly, "but can you get to the _point_ already and tell us what's going on?"

"When! I! Feel! Like! It!" the host answered angrily, getting in her face and smoothing part of his hair with each word. He paused for a moment afterward as he and Amy stared at one another. "And now," he finally said, "I feel like it!"

A soft but appropriately grand tune began to build as me made his next announcement. "Today's challenges are inspired by the _superhero_ flick!"

"_Today's_ challenges?" Lightning repeated in disbelief as the background music paused. "Nuh-uh, Lightning hasn't had his DPA yet!"

"We haven't even brushed our teeth yet!" DJ added.

"Why do you _insist_ on forcing us to compete so early in the morning?" Scarlett growled.

"Evil never sleeps," Chris countered matter-of-factly, the background music resuming, "and neither will you! Besides, superheroes _don't_ do the things of mere mortals! They have screaming ladies to rescue!" Chef was shown fanning himself in mock exhilaration as the host spoke.

"Actually, several superheroes and supervillains are, in fact, mere 'mortals' as you put it," Scarlett interrupted. "Owlman and Steel Man are probably the most well-known heroes, and of course on the villainous side of things there's the Clown Prince and Princess, as well as lesser-known villains such as the Dark Huntress and Hacker Slash," she rattled off quickly and confidently. The camera suddenly pulled out to show the others staring at her questioningly, causing her to look between them and shrug. "What? I'm willing to read just about anything, comic books included."

"And how would you like it if you had to go toe-to-toe with any of those guys, hmm?" Chris asked pointedly.

"Ummm...," Scarlett began, rolling her eyes as she thought.

"Yeah, that's what I thought. Now shut it!" Chris said, cutting her off as the camera focused back on him. "There are three things intrinsic to all good superhero movies," he said as the music began again. "One: superheroes have super powers. Two: superheroes save people. And my personal favorite, three: superheroes wear _tights_. Which means," he said as Lightning, Amy, Jo, and B watched, "_you_ will all be wearing," he paused to laugh, "teensy-tiny _tights_!" The cheerleader smiled happily while the other three in the shot immediately began to protest.

"Why are you all in your PJs?" Chris asked with a scowl. "Get dressed and meet me back on set at superhero speed. Which means, you should already be back here!" He laughed again before calling "And make sure to wear something that goes with brightly-hued _spandex_!"

/

"Man, I'm glad we actually get a challenge that's about _helpin_' people, aren't you?" DJ told Dawn as they walked together ahead of Jo and B.

"Oh yes, definitely!" Dawn smiled, leaning slightly towards DJ before the camera panned back to the cautious expressions of Jo and B.

xxx

"Every time I see how tight Big and Little are," Jo told the confessional camera with a far-off expression and her usual outfit in place of her pajamas, "I get just a _little_ bit more wary of letting them stay in the game. But then I remind myself that breaking them up won't help me right now," she smiled confidently, "and I'm good after that."

xxx

The shot moved to the former Gaffers, who were also walking together.

"So," Scarlett whispered to Amy, "have you given any thought to our voting situation?"

"Umm, _duh_," the cheerleader replied with a smirk. "Of course I did! I'm just waiting for the right moment."

xxx

"So, with three votes on _my_ side," Amy said, holding up three fingers on her right hand in front of the make-up trailer mirror, "and four _others_, I need to get one of them to vote with me for at least tonight. Luckily," she smiled confidently, "I already have the _perfect_ person in mind."

xxx

A tenser tune played over a long-distance shot of the film lot as the camera zoomed in on the cityscape in the top left beyond the amphitheatre, and the scene cut to the fully-clothed castmates standing between Chris, a line of sewing machines, and a few bins of cloth.

"For your first challenge," the host announced, "each of you will create your _own_ superhero identity."

"Sweet!" DJ smiled.

"You'll make your own superhero costume using nothing but your fertile imagination," Chris continued, seemingly on the brink laughter, "and _tons_ of spandex!" A close-up of the bins of spandex rolls was shown before a beeping brought the camera's focus to a dump truck backing up to the host. It dumped a load of miscellaneous stuff on the ground, and Chris added "And some other junk! You'll be judged on originality and style of costume," he said as the grandiose music from before started up again, "how _rocking_ your superpower is, and how _cool_ your superhero name is! Top score wins an advantage in the next round. Chef will, of course, play the _supervillain_," he told them with a wave behind him, "which let's face it, won't be much of a stretch."

A green-and-yellow circular logo of snake's head spun rapidly into the foreground, then retreated into a tilted still of what was obviously a costumed Chef Hatchet and tabby cat set against a background of radial green stripes. The big man was dressed head to toe in green spandex, with the same circular snake logo on his chest and a similarly-themed fanged cowl. The cat merely wore a simple green mask, and was bearing his front claws.

"Meet, _Pythonicus_!" the host announced. "And his sidekick kitty, _Dander Boy_! They will sabotage you at _every_ turn." Dander Boy meowed and scratched the air.

"Any questions?" Chris asked as the footage cut back to him. All seven castmates rose their hands. "No? Perfect! Aaaannnd, _action_!" He waved his hand through the air, giving the teens their starting signal.

"I call dibs on that one!" Amy yelled immediately as she dashed towards a roll of black spandex.

"No way, that's mine!" Jo interrupted, going for the same roll.

xxx

"Although that color would have looked better on _me_," Amy explained, "I need to stay on ugly Jo's good side." She promptly dropped her smile and flashed the confessional camera a look of disgust.

xxx

"Okay, fine!" Amy told Jo with a happy smile, relinquishing her grasp on the roll of black. The jock-ette cast her a suspicious glance, then turned and ran away.

/

The Pythonicus logo spun up through the screen again, and as it did a piece of music reminiscent of a cheesy 1960s superhero TV show. A montage began of the costumed supervillain interfering with the contestants' challenge, beginning with Scarlett as she carefully measured what looked to be a silvery cape on a table in front of the sewing machines. A quick-pan to the left showed Pythonicus lurking at the end of the row of sewing machines; he dropped Dander Boy, and the shot quick-panned back to Scarlett as the cat quickly tore her cape to shreds and jumped away.

Next was DJ after a quick logo transition as he lifted a large stuffed rabbit out of the junk heap with a wide smile. Lurking just behind the tip of the heap, Pythonicus swiped the stuffed animal and DJ was shown tearing up as bits of fluff fell down around him.

Another logo transition, and the third person shown was Jo as she grudgingly fed her black spandex through one of the sewing machines. Standing behind her, Pythonicus dropped a small scrap of pink onto the black, and it was quickly sewed on. Jo saw it immediately, and glared over her shoulder at the villain.

Amy was fourth after yet another logo transition, and she had already compiled a red-and white pleated skirt and a spandex blouse colored like the Canadian flag. After carefully cutting a maple leaf out of red spandex and laying it down just right, she looked away for a second and Pythonicus snatched the insignia away. Amy looked back with a sparkly red cape in her hands and a small smile on her face that changed into a scowl when she noticed what was missing.

Fifth came Dawn after the now-usual transition effect, but she was just standing calmly by the sewing machines with her hands clasped behind her back. Pythonicus was openly watching her nearby in an awkward pose, but after the two spent several sections looking blankly at each other the villain turned and walked away.

The last contestant shown was B. He was sitting on the ground tinkering with some kind of electronic device with a calm smirk on his face. He closed his eyes and reached inside his coat for something, then immediately popped his eyes back open and gasped in shock and pain as he withdrew his hand with Dander Boy clamped to it and hissing. B shook his hand wildly and the masked feline jumped away, but the silent boy was still left frowning at his scratched-up right hand.

Another logo transitioned the scene back into the still shot of Pythonicus and Dander Boy, which held for a few seconds before the cheesy background music came to an end.

/

The scene flashed to a modeling runway set up along one of the streets of the fake city. The camera was centered on the curtain 'backstage', with the catwalk set up in front of it. To the left it ran almost to the edge of the screen, and was flanked by various stage lights. And to the right it stopped short just in front of the judge's table, where the trio of Chris McLean, Pythonicus, and Dander Boy sat.

"Now wearing a superhero costume of his own design," Chris dramatically announced to a calm music track as the camera and a pair of spotlights focused in on the backstage curtain, "our first _super_-model!"

The curtain swung open to reveal DJ dressed in tan spandex and a pair of long, floppy bunny ears that looked identical to the ones that had been on the stuffed rabbit he'd found earlier. His chest bore no insignia, but his face did bare a happy grin.

The camera cut to the judges as Dander Boy shut off the music and Chris sighed. "State your name and superpower," he droned as DJ hopped up to the end of the catwalk.

"Hi, I'm Bunny Guy," the costumed brickhouse said, "and I've got all the powers of a bunny! I even have my own tail, see?" He turned around to show a fluffy white cottontail on his butt.

"Uhh, you do know you're supposed to be _cool_, right?" Chris told him dryly. "And bunny rabbits are _not_ cool. What can they _do_, anyway?"

"Well," DJ began hesitantly, "they're great at hoppin' and gettin' away and stuff. Plus, they're good at diggin' holes, too."

Chris furrowed his brow and made a mark on his clipboard. "Well _that's_ worth a whole 2 points..."

DJ frowned and walked away just as Lightning walked up to the end of the runway. The uber-jock's costume consisted primarily of dark blue spandex with a noticeable lightning bolt symbol on the chest, just above what looked like a thick belt of shag carpet. Bizarrely, he had tied several balloons to his shoulders which floated out behind him.

"Dude, you look ridiculous," Chris told him bluntly. "So just tell me what you can do."

"The name's _Super Lightning_!" the overachiever declared proudly, striking a pose against a golden background as a short but heroic jungle played in the background. "Not only is Super _Lightning_ super _fast_, but he can also control sha-lightning! Just watch!"

The camera quickly cut to Chris rolling his eyes, then back to the uber-jock as he vigorously rubbed one of his balloons against his shag waistband, then leaned forward and stuck it on the host's sleeve.

"That all?" Chris asked dryly as he tried to shake the clinging balloon away, only for Lightning to lean forward again and poke him with a single finger, giving them both a tiny shock. "Yeah, I'm not impressed," the host said as he rubbed his hand. "4 points. Next!"

/

Amy was the next to walk up as a jazzy sort of tune played in the background. She posed confidently as though she was an actual model, and said "My name is Maple Woman!"

"Hmm...looks more like Maple _Girl_ to me," Chris said uncertainly. "So what's your super power?"

"This," Amy said simply before tossing an armful of dead leaves at the judges. Dander Boy, in a fit of feline glee, immediately stood up to swat at the leaves and quickly fell backward out of his chair.

"Yeah, these aren't even _maple_ leaves," the host told her with an unimpressed look as he held up what was clearly an oak leaf.

"Uhh, well, I also have this old bottle of syrup?" the costumed girl added, holding up a bottle with a maple leaf on the label. She opened it up and tried to pour it, but the syrup came out very slowly.

"Okaaayy...," Chris told her slowly as he watched the syrup drizzle pathetically on the table, "that kinda _sucks_, but you get a bonus for keeping things Canadian. 5 points."

Amy let out a frustrated growl and stomped away, clenching her fists and scowling.

/

The scene flashed forward to a close-up of Dawn standing calmly at the end of the runway in her usual outfit, now with a wreath of pink flowers around her head.

"Where are your tights?" Chris asked immediately.

"Oh, I don't wear unnatural fabrics like spandex," the girl explained before a mystical tune began in the background. "For I am the Moon Speaker, defender of Mother Earth!" She pointed up dramatically, then lowered her arm just as quickly. "My powers include speaking with our animal friends, becoming One with the Universe, and reading people's auras to find out their secrets."

"Aren't those all things you can do already?" Chris asked, waving his pencil at her incredulously. "Not very heroic if you ask me, or even _original_! 1 point."

Dawn sighed sadly and walked away.

/

Scarlett was next, in her high-collared silver cape and darker spandex leotard. A human brain was emblazoned on her chest, and in her hands she held what looked like a piece of pipe with a lightbulb and several small mirrors attached to one end. "I am _Mastermind_," she declared dramatically, "and with my super genius and Power Rod, _nobody_ shall defeat me! Mwahahahahaha!" She raised her hands and flared her fingers as she laughed in a deep and over-the-top fashion.

"Nice laugh," Chris told her. "Too bad you look more like a supervillain than ol' _Pythonicus_ over here." He gestured to the costumed man beside him, who gave a short shrug. "Anyway, what's the Power Stick do?"

"Power _Rod_," Scarlett corrected as she brandished the item in both hands. "It's a bit of a work-in-progress, but right now it functions as a _highly_ effective light source." She pressed a button on the pipe handle, causing the bulb to light up.

"Hmm...," Chris said, unimpressed at the display. He started to write something down, but Scarlett pressed another button on the handle, causing the mirrors on the end to unfold into a rough funnel-shape that focused the light into a more powerful beam that was immediately pointed at the host's face.

"Gah!" he winced in pain, both him and Pythonicus throwing their hands up to shield their eyes. "Okay, I get it! Very impressive super power." Scarlett lowered the Power Rod and nodded smugly. "However, since you're clearly a super_villain_, I gotta bump you down to 6 points."

Scarlett pursed her lips in annoyance, but walked away without further comment.

/

Another flash forward put Jo in front of the judges at the end of the catwalk. She was wearing a black jacket over the spandex she had chosen for her costume, and had acquired a silver utility-style belt and even an eyepatch to go with it.

"Lookin' pretty cool there," Chris told the jock-ette with his usual fake smile. "What's your name and superpower?"

"The name's Action Girl," Jo announced, "and the only superpower _I_ need is the toughness and determination to do what needs to be done no matter what. In fact, I'm pretty much indestructible!"

"Not bad," Chris said as he jotted something down in his notes. "I'd prefer something a little flashier, but the grizzled tough guy approach works too. Or tough _girl_, in your case," he added quickly after Jo glared at him. "6 points!"

Jo walked back down the catwalk, and B replaced her. Despite the light blue spandex costume and mask he was in he still had his coat on, and had strapped what looked like a giant wrench and an umbrella to his back. The most obvious addition, however, was the large electronic device strapped to his chest.

"So, uhh...," Chris said awkwardly.

B just smirked and started pressing buttons on the machine strapped to his chest. A computerized voice said "I am the Tool Box, the cyborg inventor with a tool for every occasion!" and the brows of both remaining judges shot up.

"Wow, did _not_ expect to hear actual words from you dude, even if it _was_ through a computer," Chris told the silent boy, earning a smirk in return. "And I gotta say, you have me intrigued. Tell me, if Pythonicus here was wrecking _your_ city, what kinda tool would you use to take him out?" The host gestured to his fellow judge, who promptly struck a villainous pose.

"I would use this one," B had the text-to-speech program say before taking the umbrella off his back, revealing that he had attached a magic 8-ball to the end of it. He pointed it like a gun at the confused-looking supervillain and pressed the trigger, the umbrella opening up and the 8-ball shooting off. The impromptu projectile was shown flying towards the camera before it struck Pythonicus square between the eyes with enough force to knock the costumed cook flat on his back.

"_Nice_," Chris said with a wide grin a light chuckle as B reeled the ball back in courtesy of a string connecting it to the umbrella.

He checked the magic 8-ball's fortune and quickly typed on his machine, causing it to say "You may rely on it."

The host slapped his forehead and laughed even harder. "That was awesome, dude," he finally said as he marked down the score, "10 points."

"Umm, hellooo, why does _he_ get a perfect score?" Amy whined as she stepped up to the judge once more, still in her Maple Woman costume. "He doesn't even have a real superpower, he's just a _robot_."

"Actually I am a cyborg," B's computerized voice corrected.

"Whatever, same thing," Amy dismissed with disgust. "It still isn't a real superpower."

"I disagree," the host told her. "Being a cyborg does make him more than a normal human," he explained, "a _super_ human, if you will. Plus, he managed to knock out Chef with that contraption of his, while _your_ super power only got a cat out of a chair."

"Not very impressive if you ask me," the silent genius' synthetic voice deadpanned as the boy himself nodded in agreement.

"Who asked _you_," Amy spat at the boy. "I still say _I'm_ the better superhero."

"Yeah, too bad _I'm_ the host of the show, and the judge of the contest," Chris told her with a smug look. "I decide who wins, and what you want doesn't really _matter_."

"Looks like Maple Woman has been cut down," B's machine quipped, earning laughter from Jo, DJ, Dawn, Chris, and even Pythonicus and Dander Boy.

"Man, I _love_ this show!" Chris told the camera with a wink.

(Fade to Commercial and Back)

The scene faded back in to a shot of several additional set pieces along the fake city street. To the far left was a fake burning building up on stilts, then a mattress laying in front of a twilit forest backdrop, then a fake skyscraper, and finally a large trampoline in front of another evening backdrop on the far right.

The camera zoom-panned to the right, showing a ladder beyond the trampoline and the host and cast nearby. "For your second challenge, we will be testing your _super_ prowess." The shot focused in on DJ as the brickhouse raised a concerned eyebrow.

xxx

"Does Chris really want us to use our super powers?" he asked in the confessional, still in his Bunny Guy costume. "Because last time I checked, we don't have any. Well, except for Dawn," he clarified, fiddling with one of his rabbit ears. "The other day, she figured out that an angry _skunk_ just wanted its baby that had gotten stuck in the bathroom!"

xxx

"You'll have to leap over a building in a single bound," Chris told the contestants, "using _this_ trampoline from the set of the movie 'Trampoline Thunder 2'! Awesome flick," he flashed a thumbs-up at the camera. "You'll be judged on how far and how high you jump," he continued as the camera quick-panned to the diving board at the top of the ladder. "And please, properly time your landing as we wouldn't want you to land anywhere other than on this soft, cushy mattress." As he spoke, another quick-pan took the scene down to the mattress where Dander Boy was busy washing his paw. The background music rose dramatically as the camera zoomed in, and the villainous feline was sent flying by one of several errant springs that popped out of the mattress.

The contestants gaped in shock, and the host continued. "Our first and foremost priority at Total Drama Action is you safety and well-being," he told them before slowly breaking out into laughter. "Next, you'll have to save a woman falling from a building," Chris said as the shot moved over to the fake burning building. "The woman will be played by a sack of potatoes in a dress," he said as Pythonicus leaned out of the building's window holding said dressed-up sack. "Which will be a real catch for you guys," he quipped, pointing at a frowning Lightning.

xxx

"Sha-_please_," the costumed uber-jock confessed, "Super Lightning bets Chris couldn't even get that thing's _number_!"

xxx

A brief clip of Chris and the potato sack in a dress was shown, the pair seemingly enjoying a romantic candlelit dinner as touching music played. The smiling host finished pouring the sack a glass of wine, but it promptly fell out of its chair and Chris hung his head sadly.

xxx

"And finally," the host said as the scene moved back to the challenge, "you'll walk across a power line during a meteor shower!" The camera panned past the burning building to a row of power lines with a few mattresses below them, and Pythonicus tossing a bowling ball in one hand. He tossed it casually, and it flew straight through a water tower causing the water inside to come gushing out.

"The person to finish the course with the best time wins invincibility!" Chris announced as the contestants turned their shocked looks back to him. "B, you're up first. _Ten_ seconds will be shaved off your time for winning the first round."

As the silent genius stepped forward confidently, Amy was shown pouting and rolling her eyes.

xxx

"Uggh, I can't believe _B_ won the first challenge," the costumed mean girl complained. "Chris just keeps handing him stuff." She growled in exasperation, then took a deep breath. "But since I think I can get his vote tonight, I won't get _too_ mad at him."

xxx

"Aaaand, action!" Chris announced with a stopwatch in his hand, a drumroll starting up the fast-paced music as the scene immediately flashed up to B the Tool Box on top of the diving board.

With a quick glance downward he did a cannonball off the board, landing in the center of the trampoline and bouncing back up like a shot. He continued to hold his legs close to his body as he spun through the air and over the top of the skyscraper, and landed on the mattress at a roll that ended with him on his back.

As soon as he unfolded himself, the machine on his chest sparked slightly and spurted out an unintelligible string of random letters and sounds.

"Ohh, looks like things are looking rough for the Voice Box!" Chris said from the sidelines.

"Tesstiting, tesesting, testing," the machine said, it's voice momentarily garbled while B frantically typed. Once it had said the word correctly, the silent young man flipped back onto his feet and ran towards the next fake building. The camera quick-panned up to Pythonicus dropping the potato sack, then back down to B as he prepared to catch them with open arms.

Unfortunately for him, despite making the catch the sack still came down on his voice machine hard enough for its power supply to malfunction and shock both hero and potatoes.

"I guess we're having _baked_ potatoes tonight, huh Chef?" Chris taunted from the sidelines. "And here I was expecting _mashed_!"

"Get back in the _game_, Tool Box!" Jo shouted, running up beside the host. "Don't let him distract you!"

The shot cut back over to B, who nodded and dropped the slightly singed potato sack. He dashed over to the electrical pole and started to climb up it, the camera quickly moving to the top as he hesitantly started trying to make his way across the wires. Despite his weight he made decent progress, even ducking under the first two bowling balls thrown at him. It wasn't until he reached the end that a grazing blow finally caused him to lose balance, but even then he managed to open up his umbrella-gun as he fell, slowing his descent so that he landed on his feet on the mattress below.

"Nice finish," Chris told him. "A little _slow_, though, so even with the ten seconds subtracted you still come in at 41 seconds."

B hung his head.

xxx

In the make-up trailer, the still-costumed B shrugged and pressed a few buttons on his voice machine. It only said "Whohpz" before shorting out again.

xxx

"DJ, you're up!" Chris called before the scene flashed up to Bunny Guy looking down fearfully from the diving board. Biting his nails, he nevertheless got down on all fours and gulped.

"You can do it, Bunny Guy!" Dawn cheered from below, catching the costumed brickhouse's attention. "Know that Moon Speaker shall stand by you no matter what!"

DJ grinned. "Thanks! I really mean it!" He turned his attention back to the diving board, and took a deep breath. "Bunny Guy, away!" Though his voice still trembled slightly as he gave his call, he still bounced on the board once and jumped off it.

He hit the trampoline legs-first, and sprung back up like a rabbit jumping over a fence. He seemed to hang in the air at the peak of the skyscraper, the viewpoint moving over his shoulder to show the tremendous drop. He screamed and started flailing his limbs around in a panic as he began his descent, and ended up bellyflopping onto the mattress below.

"I believe in you, Bunny Guy!" Dawn called encouragingly from the sidelines, and DJ smiled as he bounced back onto all fours.

"I'll save you!" he shouted before hopping off at top speed towards the next building, his long ears flopping around. Pythonicus laughed evilly and dropped the starch-filled damsel, but Bunny Guy leapt up and grabbed the sack in his massive arms before it hit the ground. "There you go, all safe," he said softly, giving the dressed-up sack a pat as he put it down on the ground.

"Keep it movin', Rabbit Dude!" Chris called from the sidelines, a stopwatch in his hands.

"Go, Bunny Guy!" Dawn cheered a third time, raising her fist enthusiastically as the camera cut back to DJ's quick and bounding climb up the utility pole. He gulped again when he reached the top and looked down, but after the first bowling ball missed him he was startled into action.

Once again he began hopping swiftly on all fours, and a confident grin seemed to form on his face as he hopped clear over the next two bowling balls and another pair missed him entirely.

"C'mon, Pythonicus!" Chris told his supervillain assistant, who paused in mid-throw to glare back at him, then toss the bowling ball at the host instead. It hit Chris upside the head, earning a sympathetic wince from Dawn who had been standing beside him – and a quick sidestep as she saw the ball coming back down. Chris moaned in pain, and the shot cut back to DJ as he happily hopped to the end of the power lines and jumped down, panicking in mid-air again and landing with an ungraceful splat.

"Bunny Guy saves the day!" he declared weakly, lifting his head off the pavement with a dazed look in his eyes.

"Never thought I'd say this, but," Chris said as he got back to his feet, face scuffed and hair well out-of-place, "nice work, Bunny Guy." He smiled and checked his stopwatch, adding "Made _good_ time, too. 33 seconds! Not exactly the _coolest_ display I've ever seen though."

"I'm not worried about that," DJ said with a smile as he walked past the host. "I'm just glad I made it through in one piece."

"You were amazing up there, DJ!" Dawn told him, walking up to the gentle giant and giving him a hug. "And quite rabbit-like, too!"

"Aww, thanks!" the brickhouse told his friend as they broke their hug. The camera panned over to the others and focused on Jo, who was looking at the pair with a discerning glance.

xxx

"Never really expected _Bunny Guy_ to be good at solo challenges," Jo admitted in the confessional trailer. "Maybe he'll be more of a threat than I thought."

xxx

"I gotta say," DJ confessed with a grin, "I don't think I coulda done that challenge without Dawn there to encourage me. It's great to have a friend like her around."

xxx

"Next!" Chris called happily, his hair already fixed. The background music picked up in intensity as a montage began of the other five superheroes running the course, beginning with Action Girl Jo sprinting towards the ladder and climbing up it. Maple Woman Amy looked down warily from the end of the diving board; Mastermind Scarlett cast a quick but calculating glance below before jumping; and Super Lightning struck a dramatic pose before doing backflipping off the diving board.

The scene quick-panned down to the trampoline as Maple Woman hit it, sprung back up awkwardly, and hit the side of the skyscraper; Moon Speaker Dawn hit it on one foot with her eyes closed and her arms up in a sort of meditative stance, then cleared the building with a flip; Super Lightning's balloons snagged on the top of the fake skyscraper, holding him up slightly; and Mastermind easily soared over the top with her limbs tucked in and her cape fluttering.

Action Girl hit the mattress below at a roll and kept running, catching the sack of potatoes but tossing it aside just as quickly. Moon Speaker came up behind her and paused with her arms open wide, but the potato sack proved too much and knocked the small girl on her back.

Mastermind was shown cautiously working her way across the electrical wires, but one of the bowling balls snagged her cape and pulled her down with it. Pythonicus grinned darkly and pumped a fist, then sent the next ball flying. It nearly hit Action Girl, but the jock-ette was able to jump down to dodge it, then grab the wire and swing back up to keep going. Super Lightning was next, but although he jumped and rolled over one bowling ball he flubbed the landing, grabbed two different wires to save himself, and got electrocuted. He fell smoldering to the mattress below, and the intense music came to an end as Chris pressed the button on his stopwatch.

"While Action Girl did a _really_ good job," he told the castmates who had lined up in front of him once again, "she was still a half-second short of beating the record. The winner of the second challenge, and invincibility is," he took out his clipboard as he dramatically announced "_Bunny Guy_!"

"Yes!" DJ cheered, pumping a fist and bumping fists with B. "I did it! I won the challenge!"

"Huh, maybe Bunny Guy really _is_ cut out to be a superhero," Jo told him with a smirk.

"No hard feelin's for beating you in the challenge?" DJ asked.

Jo shrugged. "Ehh, at least it was someone in my _alliance_ that won. Just don't expect to keep beating me," she told him with a cocky smile.

"We'll see about that," DJ replied, with Dawn and B smiling beside him.

"Hey, superheroes?" Chris interrupted, pinching his nose and waving his clipboard in front of his face. "You all smell super _gross_. Time to hit the showers, and decide who's gonna get kicked to the curb."

/

The footage skipped ahead to nightfall, the shot lingering on the cast trailers as Lightning exited from the guys'. As the scene cut inside, DJ and B were shown discarding most of their costumes.

"So, you down for votin' Amy tonight?" the brickhouse asked.

B tapped his chin, then typed on his voice machine – it only gave off a few sparks and garbled sounds, causing the silent genius to shake his head in disappointment. He turned his attention back to DJ, and gave a helpless sort of shrug.

"What, you think there's a better choice?" the brickhouse asked in confusion, prompting B to point to their other roommate's bed. "Lightning? Why him?"

B raised a finger as if to respond when a sharp rapping on a nearby window cut him off. Confused, the two boys went to investigate, and the scene cut back outside to show Jo and Dawn waiting below, the mystic in her normal clothes but the jock-ette still in most of her costume. "Did Jockstrap leave yet?" Jo hissed.

"Yeah," DJ said as both boys nodded.

"Good. We need to decide who to vote," the jock-ette said, raising her voice a little.

"Well I figured it was gonna be Amy, since she's been getting' on everybody's nerves," DJ whispered. "But B thinks we should vote Lightning."

"I wanted to vote for Amy too," Dawn spoke up.

"But I say that _Scarlett's_ the bigger threat," Jo interrupted.

"Really? Even though Amy won the last reward and Lightning beat you in the slam dunk competition?" DJ asked.

"Those were _flukes_, it won't happen again!" Jo countered with a hint of anger. "The point is, Scarlett's smart enough to try something funny, and I'd rather she not get the chance!"

"As true as that is, I do not wish to spend another day with someone whom we _all_ know does not deserve to be here!" Dawn argued.

"Me too," DJ nodded.

Jo growled and slapped her face. "B, you sure you don't wanna vote out Scarlett?" The silent boy stroked his chin thoughtfully for a second, but then shook his head. "Fine!" Jo threw her arms up in defeat. "I'll go along with the Amy vote, but only so we have enough to beat them. Next time, I want us voting Scarlett, got it?"

The other three nodded.

/

The scene flashed to outside the communal bathrooms just as Lightning opened the door and walked in. Cutting inside, the uber-jock was immediately pulled by what was soon revealed as Amy, body and hair wrapped up in pink towels.

"Hey girl!" Lightning said brightly. "Fancy seein' you here. Wanna have a little fun?" he waggled his eyebrows lewdly, causing the cheerleader to scowl and smack him on the back of the head.

"No," Scarlett said dryly as the camera short-panned over to her, standing beside Amy and also in towels. "We're here to discuss our voting plans, although the location and timing were _not_ my idea."

Amy rolled her eyes and looked back at Lightning. "Look, we're voting for Dawn tonight. I know she's not much of a threat, but she's creepy and we stand the best chance of getting enough votes if it's for her. Plus, it'll _really_ get to Samey. Got it?"

"Sha-got it!" Lightning said enthusiastically.

"Good. We'll go take care of the last vote, you take a shower. See you soon!" She smiled sweetly and pecked him on the cheek before she and Scarlett left the building.

/

Another flash transitioned the shot to a close-up of the girls' trailer door as it slammed open and Jo walked out in her usual sweatsuit with a towel over her shoulder. She whistled a few notes as she took a step forwards, but stopped suddenly as the door closed. She looked to her left as the camera zoomed out, revealing Scarlett in her towels leaning against the trailer wall with a smirk on her face.

"What do _you_ want?" Jo asked, the shot still focused on her front.

"Nothing," the brainaic answered with a confident shrug. "Except, of course, to let you know ahead of time that tonight's vote won't turn out like you're expecting it to."

Jo narrowed her eyes. "You're bluffing."

Scarlett shrugged again and smiled. "Maybe, maybe not," she said before taking a couple steps and opening the trailer door. "But I am surprised by how much you trust your former teammates."

Jo raised an eyebrow and turned around, but Scarlett was already in the trailer.

/

"Psst! Hey!" Amy hissed at one of the windows in the guys' trailer from the bushes outside. "Anybody in there?"

It was B who answered, sliding the window open and looking out with an annoyed look.

"Oh good, you are!" Amy whispered with a smile. "Look, me and Lightning and Scarlett are voting Dawn tonight. Are you in?"

B just glared at her and shook his head, then started to turn around.

"Umm, did you _completely_ forget what I told you at the cheese factory?" Amy said quickly and angrily. "Look, there's no way you're gonna get to the finale by sticking with those three! Jo's gonna want someone she knows she can beat, and you _know_ DJ and Dawn are practically dating, so they aren't gonna go to the finale with anyone else!"

The silent boy turned around to stare at her, more suspiciously thoughtful than anything else.

"And if Dawn can help DJ win challenges just by _being_ there," Amy added, "then we need to break them up while we can!" B frowned angrily, and turned on his heel again.

"You know I'm right, so just vote off Dawn!" Immediately after her final plea, B slammed the window shut and Amy scowled.

xxx

B gave the confessional camera a nervous, pleading look, then put his hands on his face and laid them all on the counter. He was still for but a moment before raising his head again, a look of fierce determination on his face.

xxx

Dawn opened her confessional with a deep breath. "Ever since Daddy visited a couple weeks ago, I've given a lot of thought to what he told me. And tonight," she raised her head and voice dramatically, "once Amy has been voted off, I've decided to _finally_ follow his advice!"

xxx

The post-confessional static faded directly into the Gilded Chris theme. All the standard fanfare and reverence towards the host came and went, and the man himself walked up to the amphitheater podium as the camera zoomed in on the ceremony.

"And now, we _vote_," he said with a dark and giddy grin. The castmates were shown voting briefly, the trio of Amy, Lightning, and Scarlett on the top row above B and DJ, while Jo and Dawn sat in front.

"And, the Gilded Chris goes to...," the host announced before Pythonicus descended upside-down on a rope from the ceiling, handed him the results, and was pulled back up. "DJ, and...Scarlett! Jo," the jock-ette smirked, "and...B!" The silent genius didn't flinch, nor did he change his serious and stony expression.

"and we're down to the final _three_," Chris announced as the tension rose in the background music. He paused as he held up the folded paper he'd been given, then said "Lightning!"

"Sha-_yeah_!" the uber-jock pumped his fist in excitement.

"And finally...," the cheerleader and mystic were shown glaring at one another in a split-screen, "_Amy_!" The mean girl smirked viciously as her half of the screen slid away, leaving only a very shocked Dawn.

"What?!" DJ and Jo exclaimed simultaneously, one in panic and the other in anger. Beside them, even B looked absolutely surprised.

"But...but _how_?" Dawn stammered as she stood up in a daze.

"How do you _think_?" Amy asked with a sly grin on her face.

"Did one of you seriously vote Dawn out?" DJ asked Jo and B, a look of betrayal and hurt on his face.

The two immediately gave each other accusatory looks. "What are you looking at _me_ for," Jo barked, "I voted for Amy!" B vigorously pointed at himself with two fingers, mimed pressing down on the voting device, and pointed at the smirking cheerleader.

"This...this has to be a _mistake_, right?" Dawn nervously asked the watching host. "Did somebody's voting device malfunction again?"

Chris blinked. "Uhh, hold on, I'll check," he said blankly before pulling out his cellphone. All four of the former Grips turned their attention to him as he made his call. "Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Gotcha." He put the phone away, then looked at the four expectant contestants. "The tech department says they're having trouble figuring out who voted for who on the video footage, but they assure me that there were three votes for Amy and four votes for Dawn. Sorry Moon Speaker, but it's time for you to take the Walk of Shame."

Dawn sighed despondently, and DJ put a hand on her shoulder.

/

It was the spinning logo of Pythonicus that transitioned the scene to the red carpet, the sad but reverent elimination music already playing as DJ and Dawn shared one last hug.

"I'm really gonna miss you," the gentle giant said.

"I'll miss you too," Dawn replied. "And I-"

"Make sure to say 'hi' to Sammy for me when you see her again," DJ cut her off unintentionally as they broke their embrace. "And don't worry, I'll figure out who's responsible for this and make sure they're the next one outta here."

Dawn sighed lightly, but smiled. "Thanks, DJ. Just be careful, for I fear there is more to this elimination than simple betrayal." She looked past her friend's confused form and the shot switched focus to Scarlett, still on the bleachers examining her voting device with a blank expression.

"Goodbye, DJ," Dawn said, giving the gentle giant a quick kiss on the cheek before Pythonicus and Dander Boy arrived to escort her to the limousine of losers. The door slammed shut, the limo sped off, and the camera panned over to a depressed-looking DJ standing at the end of the red carpet while Jo and B shot each other cautious looks a few feet away.

The shot cut over to the stage where Chris McLean was leaning against his podium with a grin on his face. "They may not have seen _that_ coming," he told the audience, "but _you_ should see what's coming next time," he pointed at the camera, "on Total! Drama! Action!"

(Fade to Credits)

/

/

/

**[Bonus Clip]**

Dawn sat calmly in the back of the losers' limousine, hands folded on her laps and a frown on her face. "Despite what Amy believes, I saw nothing but _truth_ when my friends proclaimed who they voted for," she declared with a serious face. "I can only assume that something foul is afoot for our votes to be so casually disregarded. But I have complete faith that the Universe shall see fit to punish the ones responsible in due time."

She took a deep breath, then folded her legs up onto the seat. Just as she was about to get into lotus position, something unheard from off-camera got her attention. "Hmm? You wanted to know what I was going to tell DJ?" A blush formed on her face and she looked away. "Well...," she shyly looked back at the camera, "Daddy said I should pay more attention to my _own_ feelings, and not just what I can see in the auras of others. And so...I was going to tell DJ how I...felt."

Once again, Dawn looked away. "But it seems the Universe decided it wasn't to be." She sighed. "Who knew young love could be so..._complicated_? Perhaps I should seek the Earth Mother's guidance." She smiled softly, then got into lotus position and began to silently meditate on the backseat of the limousine.

* * *

**Author's Note - Post Script**

As several reviewers predicted, and I admittedly foreshadowed pretty heavily in this chapter, Dawn is the first post-merge boot for the second season in a row. It was fun while it lasted, but while I did consider giving her more time on the show along with B when I gave Topher an earlier elimination, I decided I'd rather have her on the third Aftermath with Sammy and Beth. If nothing else the interview should be interesting.

Aside from that, I do hope everyone enjoyed the superhero identities I came up with. Instead of the more disconnected powers and names that the canon cast came up with, I decided to give each Shuffled contestant something a little more fitting for their personalities. The one exception, of course, is Amy as Maple Woman - but I honestly could not write this chapter without having a Canadian-themed superhero. She's no Captain Alberta, but I think she'll do.

Oh, and I actually came up with a way to 'cheat' and have B talk, more or less. I hope nobody is upset by that. Maybe try getting a text-to-speech program/website/app or whatever and listen to his lines? They might make you laugh.

Other than that, I think I'd love to see a comic book starring Bunny Guy and Moon Speaker, perhaps with Sammy as the reporter-type love interest. And, of course, cameos from the other TD heroes and villains.

Let me know your thoughts about this week's episode and your predictions for the future, because next week is the third Aftermath! I'll see you all then.

\- Fangren

* * *

**Appendix: TSA Eliminated Contestants**

Geoff - (Tied for 15th Place)

Bridgette - (Tied for 15th Place)

Shawn - (14th Place)

Alejandro - (13th Place)

Sierra - (12th Place)

Beardo - (11th Place)

Topher - (10th Place)

Sammy - (9th Place)

Beth - (8th Place)

Dawn - (7th Place)


	18. Chapter 18 - The Aftermath III

**Author's Note**

It's that time again, dear readers! Five more episodes with the main cats have come and gone, and it's time for the third Aftermath of the season - and the last one with interviews, at least for awhile. I know not all of you like these episodes that much, but just bare with it as you have in the past - they're an important part of the story.

Regarding future events, next week's chapter was completed on schedule, and there's nothing too important to say about it right now. For those of you who read my other fic, Total Drama Rebirth, you'll be p-leased to know that I intend on updating at some point tomorrow - assuming I can finish everything left with the chapter I'm currently writing before it gets too late. As I turn 27 tomorrow (old, I know), I'd prefer to celebrate it with another chapter going out.

That said, its time to respond to the reviews.

**Elizabeth Life Stone:** Thank you so much!

**OMAC001:** Oh don't worry, the previous vote (and most other of this season's mysteries) will be explained in due time.

**Zak Saturday:** Hmm, well I don't know if there's anything in this chapter that you'll find particularly exciting, as it's an Aftermath, but I hope you enjoy it regardless.

**acosta perez jose ramiro:** Yeah, you got those references exactly. As for the last one, it was just a name I made up that sounded cool and villain-y.

**StarHeart Specials:** Hey, I wouldn't be much of a writer if I kept things boring and predictable. I'm glad you liked the episode and theme, and although I don't know much about Grojband, I wish you luck with your story regardless.

**Ali6132:** I honestly thought the same thing about the canon title; it wasn't until I started the Shuffled series I think that I actually realized it was a pun on Harold's name. I'm quite happy to see you and others wondering exactly what happened with Dawn's elimination, but obviously I won't clear it up here. As for the rest, well, I'm happy you've liked how I've developed even characters that seemed to lack any depth. Hopefully I can continue that trend with future casts.

**80jj:** Ohoho, well, you'll just have to wait and see how things turn out. I'm glad you liked B's sniping of Amy, and honestly Scarlett seems like the type who reads comics and picks apart every villain's plan, analyzing why it doesn't work and such. She _is_ evil after all.

**Glowing Insanity:** Thanks! And even though I don't think I really intended for that opening scene to be all that awkward, since you seemed to like it I'm fine.

**I. M. Poik:** Well, I'm super glad you liked it! Interesting predictions as always, and I look forward to reading your opinion of this Aftermath.

**FOWLKON:** I can see how you could expect that from Scarlett, but I've had a plan for her for a while now and getting the boot as a costumed super villain just wasn't it. I have in fact heard of the Moon Rabbit, but like you guessed I didn't intend to invoke it with DJ and Dawn's alter egos. As for what happens the next few episodes...well, I hope you like it.

**Knifez:** Eh, some were shocked, some weren't - same as usual, I think. I did consider giving Lightning a win for the reasons you stated, but since after working it out I figured DJ would be the better pick in order to justify Amy's alliance gunning for Dawn. I could have given him a better run, too, but even gods have to mess up sometimes.

**Cole D. soul:** Well, I'm certainly glad to know that Amy is still annoying some people. It's sort of a tricky thing to write and develop her, since if you don't do it right she'll end up being sympathetic - and given that she's an abuser, giving her a sympathetic portrayal is a big no-no. I can't comment on future events, but I do hope you enjoy whatever it is that I decide to include.

**StayOuttaMyShed:** Haha, I'm glad you liked the chapter. I won't say much about Scarlett right now since I don't want to spoil my plans for her, but it was interesting to hear your take on her, as always. As for this episode...well, I hope you enjoy it, even with the next elimination looming on the horizon.

**Star Saber21:** Hey, I'm glad you liked how I gave B a voice, as well as the other super hero-related identities and jokes. Not much else to say, but I hope you enjoy this Aftermath as well!

**Solarr-Eclipse:** As I've said before, I'm happy to keep surprising my readers. The mystery of Dawn's elimination, as well as the events of this Aftermath, are naturally things you'll have to wait various amounts to find out. But as for B's text-to-speech device, as you said overusing it would go against his character, so don't expect it to show up very often.

**Guest who didn't leave a name but I'm pretty sure is bruno14:** I'm glad you liked it! I haven't seen many superhero movies myself, so I'm especially to happy to know you enjoyed last chapter since you're a fan of them.

Those are out of the way now, so it's time to refresh people' memories on those who remain in the game, and as such will not be main characters this time:

Girls \- Amy, Jo, Scarlett

Boys \- B, DJ, Lightning

Hard to believe we're here already, but it's time for the third Aftermath! I hope you're all ready.

\- Fangren

* * *

**Episode 18 – The Aftermath III: Twinning isn't Everything**

In place of the standard introductory recap, the episode was opened by the now-familiar theme of the TDA Aftermath show. The logo formed and gleamed in the artificial light, and the 'D' popped forward with its usual camera-shutter sound effect.

xxx

"I'm gonna give the other half to DJ for our two week anniversary," Sammy said as she placed one half of the heart-shaped pendant she'd snapped in two around her neck.

Dawn's face fell slightly. "Oh, yes, of course. I'm sure he'll like it."

"You think so?" Sammy asked. "That's kind of a relief. I don't want to go too _fast_ or anything."

"I'm sure you'll be fine," Dawn told her. "You two are...well-suited for each other."

"Thanks!" Sammy said happily before turning and leaving the trailer.

xxx

"Just one moment, _sir_," the teller said in a familiar voice before turning around and throwing off her red wig, revealing none other than Amy. Upon hearing a sharp and strangled gasp, the camera pulled back to show Sammy fainting, eyes wide with shock and fear.

xxx

"So how'd you like _that_?" Beth asked the other Gaffers. "Scoring our first point makes me pretty valuable to the _team_, don't you think?"

xxx

"Keep it movin', Shortstuff," Chef grumbled, earning a scowl from Beth as she reluctantly continued down the Walk of Shame.

xxx

"My boyfriend used to do underwater photoshoots, and he taught me how to hold my breath for a really long time!" Beth suggested as the darkened room of the submarine she was in filled with water.

xxx

"Uh-huh!" the short girl nodded enthusiastically to Beardo. "I have a boyfriend now, and I _love_ him."

xxx

"Hello, Daddy!" Dawn said happily as the shot moved inside to show her hugging the balding long-haired hippie in the back of the limousine. "I've truly missed you. I have so much to talk about!"

xxx

Dawn opened her confessional with a deep breath. "Ever since Daddy visited a couple weeks ago, I've given a lot of thought to what he told me. And tonight," she raised her head and voice dramatically, "once Amy has been voted off, I've decided to _finally_ follow his advice!"

xxx

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be...famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be...famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

The Aftermath intro sequence played again, fading this time into the show's stage as the crowd cheered wildly. "Hey everyone!" Dakota greeted cheerfully from the center couch, Sam on her right and the filled-up Peanut Gallery to her left. "We're back for another totally amazing Total Drama Action Aftermath Show! I'm Dakota," she winked at the camera as it came in for a close-up.

"And I'm Sam," the gamer added with a smile as the shot panned over to him. "A lotta stuff has happened since last time. The game's lost some _serious_ competitors. There's Sammy," the shot cut to the screen hanging above the hosts where the nice twin's smiling portrait was displayed while the crowd applauded.

"What happened to her was just _awful_!" Dakota interjected with a squeal.

"Then we got Beth," the gamer added to more applause as the dorky girl's face moved Sammy's out of the way. "What a shame, she was doing so well too."

"And we can't forget Dawn!" the hostess said, the audience cheering once more as the hanging screen's picture changed to that of the calm-faced mystic. "All three will be with us here today!"

"Not to mention all our friends from last season," Sam added as the camera moved back to the hosts, "and the ones who already lost this time." The camera panned to the Peanut Gallery, where Beardo, Staci, Alejandro, Topher, and Shawn sat in front; Sierra, Sugar, Ezekiel, Scott, Geoff, and Bridgette sat in back; and nearly all smiled and waved for the camera.

Another round of cheers and Dakota put her hands together playfully. "So are you all looking forward to all the Total Drama we have in store for you today?" The crowd went wild, and the heiress giggled. "So great to hear it! You know," she leaned towards the camera and audience with a conspiratorial glance at her cohost, "Sam and I have been having a _bit_ of a disagreement over what it is you wanna see."

Sam frowned. "It's not like _that_, it's just that I don't think we should be going overboard with this. Why did we need the _anvil_ when we already had the _hammer_?" He motioned to a spot above the guest couches, the camera panning to follow and showing the truth-or-anvil dangling by a rope. "Heck, why did we even need the _hammer_?"

"To get people to tell the truth, duh," Dakota answered. "Plus, it's like _super_ exciting, isn't that right?" she looked towards the audience for confirmation, and they answered her with their cheers.

"Maybe for _them_," Sam motioned to the audience while looking at his girlfriend, "but you know how brutal Total Drama can be. Why not give the guests a break when they come on here? It's not like we _need_ the hammer to get them to spill the beans."

"Maybe so, but the producers say the anvil gave this show a _major_ ratings boost," Dakota countered. "And why wouldn't they? People _love_ to see other people get hurt, it's, like, why Reality TV is even a thing."

"Do _you_ like seeing other people get hurt?" Sam immediately asked her. "I mean sure, some of the clips are pretty funny, but there's a pretty big line that shouldn't be crossed with physical comedy, and anvils generally fall on the other side of it. Especially when it's on live TV."

"Oh, they can take it," Dakota said with a dismissive handwave. "I mean, hello? They're on _Total Drama_, they've been through worse."

"So you're fine with our guests, most of which are pretty _friend_-ish with us, getting smashed by an anvil if they aren't entirely truthful?"

Dakota pressed her finger to her lower lip as she thought for a moment, then shrugged and giggled. "Hey, if it gives us the ratings. I mean, we _do_ need to give our fans what they wanna see! How else are we gonna do that?"

Sam sighed. "I don't know, maybe make people _comfortable_ so they'll speak their minds without having to watch out for falling objects?" He looked out at the audience with a pleading expression. "Seriously, I'm pretty fine with getting the dirt you guys wants, but do you really want your favorite Total Drama stars to risk getting _seriously injured_ for it?"

He was answered by a mix of applause and the unintelligible mutterings of a group of people who were uncertain.

"Okay, so maybe _some_ people would like it your way," Dakota admitted shortly. "But the ratings and fan websites make it clear how much people _love_ to see our TDA friends in exciting and dangerous situations. Sorry Sam, but that's just how it is."

The gamer sighed grumpily again. "Fine. I thought people would love a more, uh, _traditional_ talk show approach, but I can see I've been overruled."

Dakota patted him on the back sympathetically. "There there, I know it's hard for you but we have our jobs to do." She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, and the audience went 'aww'. She then turned her smile back towards the camera, and a snazzy theme began to play. "And that job is gonna get even better, because we have three _amazing_ guests here tonight! And because they're all such great sports, we've prepared a little something _extra_ for them."

The crowd went wild, and Sam raised an eyebrow. "Uh, what _kind_ of extra? Sammy already had to deal with her evil twin coming back to haunt her, I'm pretty sure she's had enough punishment as it is."

"Don't worry, she can handle anything we throw at her!" Dakota said with a confident smile. "But before we see what's in store for her, let's see what she's been through already!"

The shot cut back up to the hanging screen where Sammy's portrait was displayed once again. "Sammy started this season in a way she's always dreamed of starting each day," Sam said after a small sigh.

"Completely _out_ of her wicked sister's clutches!" Dakota finished as the screen transitioned to a clip of Sammy sitting happily with Dawn and DJ.

"Too bad it didn't _end_ that way," Sam quipped.

"An early hook-up with DJ gave her fans even _more_ reason to cheer," the hostess added as the couple's first almost-kiss was replayed, "even though they ended up on different teams."

"Unfortunately, Sammy's time in the spotlight was cut short by the whims of host Chris McLean, who brought Amy _back_ for some reason." The gamer's deadpan comment played over the scene of Amy's return, and Sammy subsequent elimination.

"Ooh, so _sad_!" Dakota squealed as the screen cut to static and the camera pulled back, then panned back down to the hosts. "But at least getting the boot meant she got to get away from Amy again!" she asked the crowd, who responded with applause and a few whistles. "Our first guest has gotten a Poison Ivy spa treatment, can eat gross prison food without throwing up, and once thought she went blind from a fake disease, everyone give a warm welcome to _Sammy_!"

The crowd went wild as the Aftermath theme played, but nobody appeared at the backstage camera.

"Ahem," Sam loudly cleared his throat and motioned to the backstage curtain with his girlfriend, "_Sammy_, everyone!" The Aftermath theme played again but nobody came out, leaving the hosts and Peanut Gallery to exchange confused looks with one another.

/

The scene cut backstage as a young white man with blonde hair knocked on an open door. "You're on," he said as he looked at the clipboard in his hands.

The camera pulled back to show Dawn and Sammy sitting on the couch together, the former comforting the latter while Beth watched awkwardly by the food table nearby.

"I can do this," Sammy told herself while Dawn held her friend's hand. "I've been on TV, I can handle an interview." She stood up suddenly, and the mystic smiled up at her.

"You'll be fine," she said reassuringly.

"I will!" Sammy nodded forcefully, and the Aftermath theme played once again as she made a beeline for the exit.

/

Sammy walked out on stage with a smile and a wave towards the cheering audience, and even seemed to blush a little as she lingered at the front of the stage. After a moment, though, she turned and walked towards the guest couch.

"Dakota! Sam! It's so great to see you two again!" she told the hosts, shaking the gamer's hand while the heiress hugged her.

"It's so great to have you here!" Dakota replied giddily.

"Yeah," Sam added with a chuckle. "Not that we _wanted_ to see you eliminated," he explained as they all sat back down, "but just that we're glad you still get to be away from your sister. How are you feeling now, after everything that's happened between you, and her, and the game?"

Sammy took a deep breath. "Wow, it's hard to know where to begin," she answered with a light laugh.

Dakota laughed as well. "Just speak your mind."

The cheerleader nodded. "Well, part of me _is_ pretty glad that I don't have to deal with her right now. But since Beth and Dawn were eliminated before her," she frowned, "I'm actually kinda _dreading_ when I see her again."

"She seems like a bad loser _and_ winner," Sam commented.

"You have _no_ idea," Sammy said. "Even if she doesn't win the million, and there's no _way_ that that's happening, she'll still gloat about taking me out of the game twice now for, like, _years_."

"Man, she really can't let anything go with you, can she? I'd compare her to a few video game enemies, but even those go away _eventually_!" the gamer chuckled.

"That's Amy," Sammy said with an awkward and almost hollow laugh, "she's like a shark that's smelled blood in the water. She just won't give up until she's had her fill!"

"Hmm, too bad the producers never worked out that shark idea they had for this show," Dakota mused, "otherwise we could have, umm, a more _direct_ comparison."

"Uhh, I'm pretty sure that's the most overboard idea I've heard for this show yet," Sam told her with a raised eyebrow.

Dakota shrugged happily. "Probably, but I bet Sammy could handle it. Right?" she asked the guest.

"Umm, you're kidding, right?" Sammy answered cautiously, her eyes wide with alarm.

"Totally!" the hostess said with a handwave. "But while we may not have any sharks here," she told the audience, "we do have a game called 'Truth or _Electrocution_'!"

The same theme as 'Truth or Hammer' and 'Truth or Anvil' played over a receding of shot of the same golden statue of the Lady of Justice. The audience applauded wildly, and the sequence came to an end with the statue getting destroyed by a bolt of lightning.

Sammy looked nervously towards the backstage curtain, and the camera panned over to show a rather large wooden electric chair with a pumpkin-headed test dummy seated in it. The same male intern from earlier pressed a button on a remote, which lowered the helmet onto the pumpkin. After a surge of electricity and a dramatic twist in the background music, the pumpkin exploded to the shock of the audience.

"Can I sit this one out?" Sammy asked cautiously, turning her wide eyes back to the hostess.

"Yeah, this _totally_ going overboard Dakota," Sam added. "You can't _possibly_ think that electrocuting people on live TV is a good idea!"

The heiress shrugged helplessly. "Sorry, but the producers were pretty insistent on doing this. Oh, but don't worry," she told the nervous cheerleader, "they've assured me the chair is _totally_ safe. It's low voltage and everything!"

"Great..." Sammy muttered with an anxious smile as Dakota led her over to the chair.

"Are you seriously gonna go through with this?" the gamer asked in disbelief. "You don't have to do _everything_ the producers say!"

"Well, it's not like I really have anything to _hide_..." Sammy told him as the blond intern from earlier strapped her into the chair.

"You go, girl!" Geoff shouted from the Peanut Gallery. "Just tell the truth and you'll be okay!"

Dakota giggled. "That's the idea!" A few chuckles came from the audience, and the hostess continued. "So, Sammy, tell us: how _unfair_ do you think your elimination was?"

"Umm, _pretty_ unfair I'd say," Sammy answered with an awkward chuckle. "I mean, had it been anyone but Amy who'd come back and gotten me voted out, I'd probably just think it was _karma_ for accidentally voting for Beardo – I'm _really_ sorry about that, by the way," she quickly told the beatboxer.

The camera quick-panned to the Peanut Gallery and Beardo imitated a party noisemaker. "Apology accepted!" he told her, and the shot panned back to the electric chair.

Sammy smiled, then continued her answer to Dakota. "But yeah, since it _was_ Amy, who didn't even qualify for this season to begin with, I'd say it was _definitely_ one of the most unfair eliminations this season. Although," she smiled wryly, "after what happened to me in season one, I'd say it's pretty much just par for the course for _her_."

"Ooh, I almost forgot about that!" Dakota squealed, motioning up to the hanging screen as it replayed the infamous elimination scene from the twenty-first episode of season one. "Amy managed to get you eliminated in Total Drama Island as well, thanks to an _awful_ loophole in the voting rules Chris gave the ex-campers that were at Playa des Losers that episode. After getting pretty much _screwed_ out of the game by her two times," Dakota asked Sammy once the clip ended and the camera panned back to the host and guest, "you've _got_ to be feeling pretty mad."

Sammy sighed. "After everything that's happened on the show, plus _years_ of treating me like her own personal _slave_ to push around and abuse, I just...," she clenched her fists and closed her eyes, "I just can't _take it_ any more! She never lets me do good at _anything_! She never lets me _have_ anything! If she even _thinks_ I can get ahead of her in any way, she'll push me in the dirt! She makes he so _angry_!" She clenched her teeth and pounded her fists against the arms of the electric and screamed out her pent-up frustration.

Both Sam and the members of the Peanut Gallery looked shocked by her anger, but as the camera cut back to the bound girl and Dakota, an impish smile formed on the hostess' face.

"So, is there anything you'd like to say to your sister right now?" Dakota asked in an innocent tone.

"Yeah!" Sammy answered immediately and angrily. "She'd better watch out, because I'm _done_ putting up with her! No more letting her say awful things about me, no more doing all the nasty things she doesn't wanna do herself, and no more letting her call me _Samey_!" The camera slowly zoomed in as she talked, showing the fire in her eyes spark into a raging inferno.

She screamed again, deep and growling, as she stood up with enough force that the straps holding her to the electric chair snapped. She grabbed the helmet that had been on her head, then through it to the floor in anger.

Even Dakota was taken aback, and once again Sam and the Peanut Gallery were shown with stunned looks on their faces. Sammy took several deep breaths as she calmed down, then looked blankly at the shocked hosts and the damaged electric chair that the blond intern was already attending to.

"Oh, sorry...," she said sheepishly.

Dakota looked at the half-slumped cheerleader and beamed. "Don't be! That was _sooo_ cool. I'm proud of you for deciding to take a stand like that, and I know the fans loved it too! Isn't that right?" she asked the audience, and they responded with wild applause and cheering that made Sammy blush.

"Yeah, it's just too bad you can't say that to her in person since you're already out of the show," Sam commented.

"Well, maybe if she gets eliminated before the finale, I can just do it on the next Aftermath show?" Sammy suggested.

"Ooh, now _there's_ an idea!" Dakota squealed. "I know _I'll_ be looking forward to it."

"Huhuh, yeah," Sam chuckled. "But for now I think we'll let you cool down a bit and call out our next guest. That okay with you, Dakota?"

"Sure is, Sam!" the hostess grinned. "But first, let's check out how our second guest fared this season!" She motioned upwards and the camera followed, lingering on the hanging screen and zooming in as it cut from static to a recap montage.

"Although Beth started TDA as an underdog, her lack of braces and a few key friendships helped her gain an early lead," Sam said over clips of Beth showing off her unmarred smile and jumping up and down in joy, followed by shots of her running from the animatronic monster with Beardo and B and chatting with Sammy at some meal.

"And despite not always being the _best_ at challenges," Dakota said as the crowd laughed over shots of Beth getting trapped in a room with Beardo and B then covered in alien slime, scratching her swollen lips, and failing to scare Sammy as her team's serial killer, "it wasn't long before her alliance was going to take control of the Gaffers from Team Captain Scarlett." A few short clips of Beth arguing with the brainiac were shown.

"Even Beardo's sudden _boot_ didn't seem to stop her!" Sam added with a chuckle as the camera briefly cut back to the hosts. "If anything, she started fighting against Boss Scarlett harder than ever!"

"Sadly," Dakota frowned before the scene cut back to the recap footage, "Amy's return changed _everything_ for Beth. Now on the losing side of her team," Beth was shown looking sad as Sammy started the Walk of Shame, "even a win in the sports challenge wasn't enough to save her from elimination." The dorky girl's badminton victory was quickly shown, as was her angry conversation with her teammates afterwards.

The screen cut to static, then back to the smiling hosts. "Our next guest has been _cursed_ by a tiki doll, twirls in her sleep, and claims to be dating a model," Dakota announced, "give it up for _Beth_, everybody!"

The crowd went wild as the Aftermath theme began to play, and The Wannabe trotted giddily out on stage, giving the electric chair a quick but concerned look before turning her attention to the crowd. She blew an excited kiss at the audience, waved at them with both hands, then walked over to the hosts with a grin on her face.

"Hi guys!" she greeted, waving at the hosts before sitting down on the guest couch and waving at Sammy on the couch behind her. "It's so incredulous to be here!" The audience chuckled as their cheers died down, and the two hosts mirrored the laugh.

"Great to have you," Sam said.

"Definitely," Dakota added. "I was _loving_ the rivalry between you and Scarlett this season, it was such a shame to see it cut so short!"

"Well, I guess that's just how the game is," Beth shrugged. "One minute you're on top of the world, ready to go all the way to the end with your friends and vote out a bunch of _jerks_ along the way. Then suddenly Chris surprises you with a former contestant dressed as a bank teller, puts her on your team, and you get voted out three to one a couple episodes later!"

"When you put it like that, it almost sounds _normal_," Sam chuckled.

"Honestly, I'm kinda surprised Chris didn't try it sooner. We _all_ know how much he loves causing drama." Beth smiled, and the audience laughed.

"Ooh, I wonder if you'll be able to keep that _cool attitude_ when you're _really_ in the hot seat," Dakota told the girl before waggling her eyebrows knowingly at the camera.

"Bring it on, sister, I'm ready for anything!" Beth said with a confident smile.

"Even an _electric chair_?!" Dakota asked with a playful lean towards the guest.

"Err...," Beth bit her lip uncertainly, then forced out another smile. "Maybe?"

"Let's find out, shall we?" the hostess told her, grabbing her by the arm and leading her over to the wooden chair.

"Here we go again," Sam sighed. "Just be honest, and you won't get zapped!" he advised Beth.

"Got it!" the girl nodded as the intern secured the straps and Dakota lowered the helmet over her ponytail.

"So Beth," Dakota started, "tell us the truth: who are you mad at the _most_ right now? Is it Amy, for showing up and wrecking your whole strategy? Scarlett and Lightning, for turning their backs on you? Or maybe even Sammy, for costing your alliance their greater numbers?" The crowd gasped at the last remark, and the cheerleader was shown looking at Beth nervously.

The dorky girl frowned and furrowed her brow. "Why would I be mad at Sammy? She didn't know Amy was gonna come back to mess with us, and if anything she was hurt by it _more_!"

The nice twin was shown smiling as the crowd awwed. "Okay then," Dakota glanced uncertainly at the chair, then smiled. "What about the others? You've _got_ to be mad at Amy, and I bet you are at Scarlett and Lightning too."

"Totally!" Beth answered immediately. "Especially Lightning, since Amy was _obviously_ just using him. If he coulda just seen it, I bet I'd still be in the game!"

"Too bad he didn't," the heiress said. "In fact, even after your _totally_ awesome exit, can you believe he _still_ went back to her?" She looked up at the hanging screen as it started to play footage from the spy movie episode.

xxx

"Y'know," Amy smiled, "I'm happy to take both of you back into _my_ alliance. Especially _you_," she grabbed Lightning by the arm and batted her eyelashes at him, "my strong and handsome lover boy."

Lightning blushed and looked away. "Uh, well, Lightning guesses he can do that."

xxx

The scene paused there and a circle was drawn around the uber-jock's blushing face. "I hate to say it," Sam said, "but this is the look of a dude that's in _love_."

"Yeah, I heard about it from Dawn," Beth said as the camera cut back to her and Dakota. "I just don't know what he sees in her!"

"It's probably the skirt," Sugar piped up from the Peanut Gallery. "I've seen _loads_ of skirt-wearin' girls with guys followin' after 'em doin' whatever they say, even when the girl ain't got a lick of talent! I don't get it myself, but then again I ain't ever needed a skirt to get guys to do what I want."

"Uh, thanks for the input, Sugar," Sam said awkwardly from the host couch.

"Well, skirt or no skirt," Dakota stated forcefully, "Lightning should _not_ be letting Amy boss him around like that. But enough about that," she suddenly switched back to her sly smile, "I think it's time we finally put a certain _rumor_ to rest."

Beth raised an eyebrow, and the heiress continued. "Now keep in mind that if you don't answer this question truthfully, you are _so_ getting electrocuted."

The dorky girl gulped. "Got it."

Dakota smirked. "Great to hear it! Now Beth, tell the truth. Are you or are you not _really_ dating a model named Brady?"

A tense tune reminiscent of a ticking clock started up in the background as Beth's eyebrows raised, and the shot immediately cut to the front-right corner of the Peanut Gallery where Topher was leaning forward with an expectant and excited grin on his face.

The shot swiftly cut back to Beth as she furrowed her brow and frowned even harder, the background music fizzled out, and the bound girl forcefully answered "For the last time, _yes_! Why is this so hard for you guys to understand?"

The camera pulled back to show Dakota standing with a stunned look. "You were telling the _truth_ about that?" she finally said in disbelief.

"I hate to say I told you so," Sam told her bluntly, "but I told you so."

"There's no way!" Topher objected, he shot cutting back to the Peanut Gallery. "That chair must be faulty or something!"

"Who asked _you_?" Sierra shot nastily from the opposite corner of the couches, and the scene quickly cut away.

"Yes! I have a hunky boyfriend!" Beth shouted angrily. "If I could show him to you, I would! But I can't, so just get over it already!"

Dakota stood speechless until Sam cleared his throat and regained the attention of both his cohost and their guest. "Actually, I kinda thought this might happen so I did some stuff ahead of time. Just give me some time to get prepared," he motioned back over his shoulder with his thumb, "I'll be back in a couple minutes."

As the gamer got up and walked off stage, the Aftermath theme started playing and Dakota shot an uncertain look at the camera. "Umm, I guess we'll be taking a short break?"

/

"It's time for 'That's Gonna Leave a Mark'!" Dakota announced as the segment's intro sequence played and the audience cheered.

Both the montage of pain and it's campy theme music started soon after, the footage beginning with Amy trying and failing to open a dresser drawer – until it finally sprung open, hitting her in the stomach and knocking her on her butt. That was followed by a clip of Sammy just as Chef came to drag her away from DJ and Dawn – except the lovers' heart-shaped pendant hadn't been broken yet, so DJ ended up getting choked by the pendant chain.

Next up was Lightning making his slam dunk; the ball rebounded off the ground and hit the jock in the groin as he landed. Several more nutshots were shown next: DJ getting tied up and dragged out of the kitchen, only for the door to get caught in between his legs; B rolling along the roof after the cast ziplined away from the water tower and getting stopped by a poorly-placed metal chimney; DJ as Bunny Guy getting a spring so the family jewels after bellyflopping onto a mattress; and B getting felled by a birdie to the nuts during his badminton match against Beth.

The next clip featured the blond intern, walking calmly through a grassy area until a pillar from the caveman duels fell on him. After that, Lightning was shown looking stunned at something as the camera came in for a close-up, then bumped into the overachiever's eye and made him wince and glare. Beth approached the confessional table with a grin on her face but then tripped over the chair, then a loincloth-wearing Jo kneeled down to look in a bush and had a tree branch fall on her with a fairly large and very sheepish raccoon sitting on it. Sammy was shown fainting at the sight of her sister again, then Beth got caught in an oddly-placed bear trap when she tried help the nice girl back up.

Super Lightning fell awkwardly off the fake skyscraper he'd gotten hung up on and landed with a stage light painfully between his legs, then stumbled forward and caught the potato-sack victim only to have the costumed cat Dander Boy attack him suddenly.

Chef drove the golf cart with the rack of ribs towards the fake tar pit for the reward, only to rear-end another golf cart driven by Sasquatchankwa. The yeti got out and started bashing Chef's cart with a golf club, then made a gesture with his fingers that had to be blurred out.

/

The campy music came to an end and the audience laughed and cheered. The camera panned back down to the hosts as Sam took his seat back on the couch and Dakota leaned towards him with a look of concern on her face.

"What was _that_ about?" she asked in a hushed tone.

"Just showing that we can care about the viewers _and_ our friends," Sam whispered his answer before looking at the camera. "And now I'd like to introduce a surprise guest," a drumroll began in the background as the gamer motioned to the curtain past the Peanut Gallery, "Beth's boyfriend!"

The drumroll led into the Aftermath theme as an incredibly attractive white boy walked out on stage, the exact same person as the one in the photograph Beth had shown off earlier in the season. His hair was gelled up, his red polo shirt had its collar popped, and as he walked past the Peanut Gallery the camera focused in on the gaping mouths of Topher and Alejandro.

"Brady!" Beth said excitedly, still strapped into the electric chair.

"Hey, babe!" the male model smiled as he made a beeline for the girl, walking right past the host couch where Dakota sat shocked and Sam sat happy. Brady stopped in front of Beth, blinked, and furrowed his brow. "Uhh, why are you in an electric chair?"

Beth looked blankly at her bonds, then back at the young man in front of her. "Because they didn't let me out during the commercials, I guess."

"Oh, right," Brady smiled, and Beth grinned.

"Hold on, let's get you outta there," Sam said as he and the blond intern approached the chair from opposite sides. The moment the straps were undone and the helmet lifted, Beth launched herself at Brady and the pair hugged deeply.

"I really missed you," she said.

"I missed you too, babe," Brady replied, earning an 'aww' from the audience.

"Sorry to interrupt," Sam told them, "but why don't you two have a seat? We don't have time for a lot of questions," he added as he led the couple – who were now holding hands – back to the couches, "so maybe Brady can give his take on how you two met?"

The pair sat down on the guest couch, Sammy smiling widely behind them and Brady closer to the hosts. The model looked thoughtful for a moment before answering. "Well, we met in the waiting room at the orthodontist's office. I was there getting my braces off so I could start smiling more in my shoots, and I guess she was there for pretty much the same thing.

"I wasn't that interested at first and I don't think she was either, but after she tried to smile at me but just looked like she was kinda in pain," the shot moved to Beth as she mimicked her awkward smile, earning a few laughs from the audience and a chuckle from her boyfriend. "Yeah, kinda like that. But anyway, I asked if she was okay, and we ended up talking, and next thing I know I'm giving her one of my comp cards and asking her out!"

"Aww, that's so _sweet_!" Dakota gushed, speaking up for the first time since Brady's appearance. "I still have so many things to ask you!" She leaned towards him, and began to speak fairly quickly. "What attracted you to her in the first place? Did you know she was a contestant on Total Drama before you asked her out?"

"Uh, well, I didn't know she was a TV star when I first met her since I'm pretty busy and don't get the chance to watch much," Brady answered somewhat sheepishly. "But I don't think that woulda mattered. I like Beth because she's just so sweet and genuine, y'know? I don't get to see that much. Plus she's cute, and she smells good too."

Beth clasped her hands and blushed. "Oh Brady, I love you," she said happily, leaning into him.

"I love you too, Beth," he replied, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her on the forehead.

Another 'aww' uttered forth from the audience. "Those two are _adorable_!" Dakota gushed, leaning into Sam. "Thanks for bringing him out here, Sam!"

"No problem," the gamer chuckled. "But I think it's about time to introduce our last guest, don't you?"

"_Definitely_," Dakota answered with an air of finality, sitting up straight and looking at the camera. "Our next guest is easily the most _mysterious_ person on the show," the hostess said as the camera panned back up to the hanging screen, which now showed an image of Dawn.

"Yeah, and she's got all _sorts_ of cool abilities," Sam added with a chuckle as footage began to play of the mystic. "She can read auras," Dawn was shown peering closely at Amy from atop her top bunk, "talk to animals," the blonde was shown listening intently to a spider on her shoulder, "heck, she can even see the future, kinda!" A few short clips of Dawn making declarations in the flooding submarine and the water tower during the spy challenge rounded out the first batch of her highlight footage.

"Too bad for her that she wasn't able to use it to get _further_, though," Dakota added with a knowing nod as the camera briefly cut back to her and Sam. "Despite being a major part of her team and even winning a reward trip with her father," Dawn was shown knocking out Scarlett in their slow-motion boxing match and getting declared the winner of the hospital drama, "her closeness with long-time friend DJ caused the others to vote her out _right_ after the merge." Dawn's shocking elimination was replayed in part, and the hanging screen cut back to static.

"Kinda surprised she didn't see that coming," Sam said as the shot panned back down to the central couch.

Dakota smiled for the camera. "Our next guest doesn't wear unnatural fibers and can learn more about you than you know about yourself with a single look, it's Dawn!" She raised her hands in celebration as the Aftermath theme played and the audience applauded. The shot cut over to the stage-right backstage entrance, but nobody appeared.

"Okay, this is getting _seriously_ rude," Dakota said, pursing her lips and putting her hands on her hips as the theme music petered out. "Why can't people just come out when we tell them to?"

"Oh, was I not supposed to come out yet?" Dawn said simply and suddenly from the guest couch.

"Gah!" Sam said, recoiling in shock as a few dramatic beats played.

"Whoa," Brady added with shock of his, already seated on the back couch with the equally-surprised Beth and Sammy.

"Dawn!" the cheerleader exclaimed happily, leaning forward and hugging her friend from the back, earning a blushing smile in return. "I didn't even see you come out on stage!"

"Yeah, when _did_ you come out here anyway?" Dakota asked.

"I'm quite sorry, I just thought I was supposed to be out here when you started introducing me," she explained, lightly holding on to Sammy's arms before they were retracted. "I can go back and do it again if you'd like."

"Uhh, no, you're fine here," Sam told her. "Although I gotta give you props on the mad stealth skills. None of us even saw you sit down!"

Dawn shrugged and smiled lightly. "I guess I'm just good at getting places without people noticing."

"Now _that's_ the understatement of the season, am I right everyone?" Dakota asked the audience, motioning for a reaction and receiving plenty of cheers in return. The heiress giggled, then turned her attention back to the smaller girl. "But anyway, welcome to the show Dawn! It's so great to have you here."

"It's quite nice to be here," Dawn replied before leaning closer to the hosts and peering at them. "Although I can definitely sense more negative energy between you two than when we last met. Is there anything you'd like to talk about?"

The two blushed, but Dakota recovered her composure almost immediately and waggled a finger at the mystic. "Nuh-uh! _We're_ the hosts of this show," she pointed at Sam and herself, "_we_ ask the questions."

"Well, I have nothing to hide," Dawn said confidently, leaning back in her seat.

"Awesome! Then you won't mind taking a seat over _there_," the hostess motioned over to the electric chair which had reappeared on-stage again.

"Umm...sure?" Dawn answered hesitantly.

"Just tell the truth and you'll be fine!" Beth called out before the shot cut back to Dakota and the blond intern strapping Dawn in to the chair.

"Okay Dawn, first question," the hostess began. "Who do you think stabbed you in the back and voted you out, Jo or B?"

"Neither of them," the petite young woman said quickly plainly.

Dakota paused a moment to look at her guest expectantly, then frowned when no shock came. "Umm, seriously? You didn't vote for yourself, and we _all_ know DJ didn't vote for you, so it had to be one of them."

"I know, but I could tell that neither Jo nor B were lying when they said they didn't vote for me," Dawn explained.

"Then how do you explain your elimination?" Dakota asked. "That fourth vote had to come from _somewhere_, you know."

"Umm, perhaps it was a fluke, like when Sammy voted for Beardo?" Dawn suggested.

"Do you really think something like that could happen _twice_?" the heiress countered incredulously.

"Yes," Dawn answered a little too quickly, earning a shock that made the audience and Sammy gasp.

"_Finally_," Dakota muttered before putting on a sly smile. "Somebody's lying!" she told the captive guest in a sing-song voice.

Dawn sighed. "Very well. I didn't want to say something because I truly do not know what it means, but I suspect the culprit behind my elimination to be _Scarlett_." The crowd gasped again, and Dawn continued. "Her aura showed signs of _great deceit_ during that elimination, and she was both ecstatic about the outcome and anxious about some deep secret afterward."

"So what do you think she did?" Sam asked. "What was her deep secret?"

"I'm afraid I couldn't tell," Dawn said sadly.

"Clearly," Alejandro spoke up from the Peanut Gallery, standing up between Staci and Topher, "she manipulated the votes just like with Beardo!"

"Uggh, not this again," Dakota whined. "The producers already looked into that after _last time_, they said there was no sign the voting devices or the computer that counts them were tampered with. It was just some fluke!"

"A fluke that happened _twice_?" Alejandro asked forcefully.

"Uhh, I kinda hate to burst your bubble," Sam said, "but it probably is just a glitch in whatever program those devices use. I know first hand how _weird_ glitches can be given how often they turn up in video games." He chuckled a bit before noticing Alejandor's unamused look, then continued. "My point is, for all we know anyone who holds the device a certain way or touches a specific part of the screen or any other minor thing could mess up how the vote gets cast without leaving an obvious sign. As awesome as it would be to catch Scarlett cheating, I don't think we can count out technical difficulties right now."

"Well put, Sam!" Dakota told him. "I'd _love_ to have something as dramatic as a cheater too, but as long as the producers say it isn't happening I'll stick to _their_ story, thank you very much."

"But-" Alejandro began to plead.

"I'm sorry, Alejandro," Dawn interrupted, "but it _is_ possible that what I saw in Scarlett's aura had to do with something else." The charmer grimaced, then crossed his arms and sat back down with a huff.

Dakota took a deep breath before turning back to the mystic. "Well, with that out of the way, it's time to talk about something a bit more _interesting_..." A playfully sly smile crept back on to her face, and Dawn raised a confused eyebrow.

"What do you mean?" she asked innocently.

"Well," Dakota said knowingly, "we've gotten a _lot_ of viewer requests to talk about what you said on that reward trip you took a few weeks ago."

"But that was _private_!" Dawn said in sudden alarm. "You _can't_ show it on live TV!"

"Sorry, Dawn, but it's already on the Total Drama website," Sam told her apologetically. "As far as the producers are concerned, it's fair game."

"But...but I didn't think anybody was going to _see_ it...," Dawn continued in sadness and a hint of anguish, blushing as she slumped further back into the electric chair.

"Well it's too late for that," Dakota told her in a sing-song voice. "Practically everyone at home already _has_ seen it, so it's time to show it to the few left who haven't." The camera quick-panned over to the guest couches where Beth was giving Brady a questioning look and receiving a shrug in return, and Sammy was furrowing her brow and looking at Dawn with a mixture of confusion and concern.

Dawn groaned, and Dakota smiled. The camera followed her motion up to the hanging screen as it cut from static to the footage of Dawn and her father inside the limousine of losers.

/

"I've met some _wonderful_ people," Dawn explained with a faint blush, "along with some, umm, _not_ so wonderful ones. Although it's more the wonderful people I wanted to ask you about..."

Her father blinked, and smiled. "Ask away, my little Dawnflower! I'll shine whatever light I can on you, just like always."

Dawn smiled, and cuddled close to him. "Thank you, Daddy..." She took a deep breath, then continued. "There were two people on my team last season who I became very good friends with, DJ and Sammy. DJ is very large on the outside, but he's very gentle and loves animals. He also adores his mother, although I think he might be a _little_ too dependent on her approval."

"I see, I see," her father nodded. "And what is Sammy like?"

"Sammy...has spent most of her life getting abused by her twin sister," Dawn hesitantly explained. "She has very little confidence in herself because of it, and yet is still quite strong and talented."

"Well, it sounds like you've made some great friends, my little Dawnflower," her father said. "What did you want to ask me about, then?"

Dawn blushed slightly and looked away. "Well...I'm almost certain that they, umm, have _feelings_ for each other. And I don't really know what to do about it."

Her father nodded knowingly. "Is it something you've seen in their auras, or is it just a hunch?"

"Oh, it's _definitely_ in their auras," Dawn replied. "And...I think they've already begun to act on it, but they haven't told me yet."

"And you're feeling hurt because your friends left you out of the loop?" her father asked.

Dawn leaned her head from side to side. "Umm...yes, but that isn't all. I've been trying to ignore it, but every time I think of them, I feel something...else." She put her hands on her stomach and furrowed her brow. "Something I've never felt before! And I don't know what it means!"

"Ah, so you want my help in deciphering this mysterious feeling of yours, is that right?" her father told her with an impish grin, ruffling her hair with one hand.

"Daddy, please take this seriously!" Dawn pouted, pushing his hand away.

Her father chuckled lightly. "Sorry, my little Dawnflower. But although I can't read auras like you can, I _do_ have an idea of what it is you're feeling."

Dawn straightened her back and gave her father an expectant look. "So what is it? You must tell me!"

He crossed his arms and returned her look with a serious expression. "First, I need you to promise me that you'll stop trying to ignore your _own_ feelings for the sake of others, okay?" Dawn said nothing, but nodded eagerly. Her father sighed, and continued with a small smile. "If I'm not mistaken, little one, I'd say this is the first time you've fallen in love with-"

/

To the shock and disappointment of the audience, the footage cut to static there. The camera pulled back and panned down, revealing that Dawn had gotten between the hosts and the consoles in front of them.

"That's enough!" she declared dramatically, standing up straight and glaring at Dakota. "I will _not_ allow this to continue!"

"Umm, _rude_!" the heiress countered angrily. "How did you even get out of the chair?" The camera quick-panned back to the electric chair as the arm straps and helmet, still oddly in position, seemed to sag under their own weight.

"That doesn't matter," Dawn said simply. "What _does_ matter is that I'm regaining whatever sliver of control I have over my own secrets. I won't allow you to humiliate me on live television!"

"Hello, this is a _reality show_?" Dakota countered again. "Humiliation and secrets are what this show lives and breaths!"

"In that case, I regret trusting you to actually _respect_ me as a guest," Dawn shot back, turning around and taking a step towards the guest couch.

"I...I don't...," Dakota stammered before looking at her cohost and hissing "help me _out_ here, Sam!"

Sam awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck and looked away from her. "Uhh, sorry Dakota but I think that if Dawn is this upset about us showing the clip, then maybe we shouldn't show it. This is kinda what I was talking about with going overboard and hurting our friends."

Dakota huffed. "Well, _I_ think she's just being ridiculous."

Dawn gave the heiress another piercing look. "And it _is_ all about what you want, isn't it? You've wanted to be the center of attention like this for so long that now that you've gotten your position, you'll do whatever it takes to keep it. I can tell you aren't as comfortable with this show as you say you are, it's all over your aura. But you're so _scared_ of losing this job that you'll go along with whatever the producers tell you, even if it hurts the people around you. Even if it jeopardizes your relationship with _Sam_."

"You-you're lying," the hostess replied, clearly flustered. "There's no _way_ any of that's true."

"Then prove it," Dawn said calmly, turning on her heel to face the electric chair. "If you truly have nothing to hide, then you won't risk getting shocked."

Dakota' jaw hung open for a second before it snapped shut and she furrowed her brow angrily. "Fine! Truth or Electrocution is no big deal, and I'll _prove_ that everything I'm doing on this show is for the fans."

/

The footage flashed ahead to show the blond intern strapping Dakota into the electric chair while Dawn and Sam watched.

"I'm ready," the hostess said confidently, "so bring it."

"Very well. If you had full control of the Aftermath Show, would you have still chosen to use the more dangerous or humiliating segments?" Dawn asked.

Dakota paused a moment before answering. "Well _obviously_ I think the producers know what they're doing when it comes to the ratings."

"C'mon Dakota, you know that isn't a real answer," Sam told her.

The heiress pursed her lips. "Well in that case I wouldn't change a thing." She was promptly electrocuted, earning a gasp from the audience and a wince from her boyfriend. She sighed, then admitted "Okay, there's a _couple_ things I'd do differently. For one thing, I'd so skip the painful bits like this. It takes up too much time, and I guess it _is_ kind of in bad taste."

"Are you really going along with all these things to please the fans of Total Drama?" Dawn asked next.

"That's what I said," the hostess answered with a trace of hesitation before getting shocked again. "Fine!" she grumbled. "The only reason I went along with it is because having my own show is my _dream_. And since the fans seemed to like it too, I thought I was doing the right thing. But I guess it's more complicated than that. I hope you guys can forgive me for putting you through all of that," she looked sadly at the two in front of her, then over at the guest couch and Peanut Gallery.

"Aww, don't worry Dakota," Sam reassured her, "we understand why you did it. We forgive you."

The audience awwed again as Dakota started to tear up. "Thanks!"

"So you're sorry for showing my private conversation to everyone?" Dawn asked sternly.

Dakota closed her eyes and took a breath before answering. "No." The crowd gasped, and both Dawn and Sam's eyes went wide. "Look, I know it was supposed to be private, but the producers already put it up online. Nearly all the fans have seen it already. _I've_ seen it already, and I'm pretty sure everyone else here but Sammy and Beth have too. You're gonna have to deal with it sooner or later, and I wanted to give you a chance to talk about it with us and, like, explain it."

Dawn sighed. "I...can see that you did what you thought was best, but you really should have understood that I'd rather talk about it on my _own_ terms, not here. Even if _it_ is public knowledge, I'd appreciate it if you asked before talking about such...private matters in the future."

"Sorry, Dawn," Sam told her, sheepishly rubbing the back of his head. "It won't happen again, I promise. Right Dakota?" he looked at her expectantly, and she pouted.

"Fine, I promise," she said, and Dawn's eyes immediately shot to the helmet the hostess was wearing. "What?" Dakota asked in offense after a distinct lack of electrocution. "I'm not _that_ low. Still, if you ever _do_ wanna talk about it on the show, I'd be happy to give you the chance."

"I doubt I'll ever do so," Dawn told her plainly but with a slight smile, "but thank you anyway." She walked back over to the guest couch without another word, and seemingly unwilling to meet Sammy's concerned gaze.

A pop music theme began as the scene cut back to Dakota and Sam, the heiress already out of her bonds. "Well, I guess that's it for tonight," Sam told the audience as he helped his slightly-singed girlfriend to her feet.

"Join Chris and the cast next time," Dakota said as the crowd began to clap and cheer again, "for another totally suspense-filled episode of Total! Drama! Action!" The shot pulled back from the stage, and the two hosts shared a kiss.

(Fade to Credits)

/

/

/

**[Bonus Clip]**

Dawn's father crossed his arms and returned her look with a serious expression. "First, I need you to promise me that you'll stop trying to ignore your _own_ feelings for the sake of others, okay?" Dawn said nothing, but nodded eagerly. Her father sighed, and continued with a small smile. "If I'm not mistaken, little one, I'd say this is the first time you've fallen in love with a friend. Two friends, in fact."

"I...I'm in _love_?!" Dawn spluttered, eyes wide and cheeks red. "But I _can't_ be in _love_ with them, that doesn't make any sense!"

"Hmm...well, perhaps love _is_ too strong of a word for it, but what you're feeling definitely seems like it's heading in that direction," her father said with a contemplative look. "You feel a strong connection with them, correct? A certain closeness of mind, body, and spirit that makes you want to be around them, and to enjoy it?"

Dawn said nothing, and in fact seemed to actively look away from him.

He sighed. "Oh, my little Dawnflower. Perhaps I _am_ wrong about what you're feeling, but I do believe I know my own daughter. You've always had trouble understanding your own emotions, haven't you? You can tell so easily what other people are feeling and where they're coming from just by reading their auras. But since you can't read your _own_ aura, and can't clearly read how other people feel about you, you're always uncertain about yourself."

"I just...I don't _want_ it to be true," Dawn finally told him. "They seem...," she paused long enough for her father to raise an eyebrow, "...happy when they're together, and I don't want to take it away from them. And there's certainly no way either of them would _ever_ return _my_ feelings."

"You're really not certain of their relationship, are you?" her father asked.

Dawn shook her head. "What they feel for each other is quite similar to other couples, but it's also kind of..._different_, but I don't understand why."

Her father sighed again. "Perhaps they're guilty for leaving the third member of their trio out of things?" he suggested. "Or perhaps it's something else entirely. But regardless, I don't want you to throw your feelings away for their sake. Your heart is an important guide on the road of life, and you should listen to it. Let yourself be happy. Let yourself be sad. Let yourself be angry. Let yourself _love_. The Universe is watching out for you, my little Dawnflower, so don't be afraid to take a few risks. I have faith that you can handle anything that comes to you."

"But what if I _can't_?" Dawn asked sadly.

Her father put his arm around her and smiled softly. "Then I'll do what I can to help you, and I'm sure your truest friends will too."

"...thank you, Daddy," Dawn said softly, leaning into her father's side. "I don't think I want to be in love with people who will never love me back, no matter _how_ amazing they are, but...I'll try to listen more closely to my heart."

"You're pretty amazing yourself, Dawn," he told her with a broader smile, "and I hope your heart and your friends let you see that someday."

(Cut to Static)

* * *

**Author's Note - Post Script**

That's right, I decided to include a bonus clip for this episode too! I just couldn't leave you all hanging again with the clip of Dawn and her father. Hopefully I got the right dynamic between them, and their conversation made sense and had a good flow to it.

Overall, Dawn is someone I've always enjoyed writing. She can legitimately see auras, and it's been interesting trying to figure out how that affects her perceptions of others and herself. We don't get to see much of her in canon, but I've always figured that she isn't able to properly see her own aura, much like we can't see ourselves without a mirror. And since she's so used to using them as a way to interpret how others feel, she doesn't really know how figure out herself. This has made her less than confident with her self-awareness, and prone to denial. But as long as she can help the people around her, I think she'll be happy or at least satisfied.

For Beth, well, she's great as both a goofball like in this episode and as a more serious player like in the episodes preceding her elimination. And, of course, I resolved the Brady in what I honestly think is a better way than canon giving him only one line, and even then in only one of the two endings. Here, he actually has some characterization. I don't know if I'll ever do anything with him in the future, but I'll enjoy it regardless.

Regarding Sammy...well, I mostly just hope her outburst wasn't too rushed. She's finally at the turning point where she can properly handle her sister the next time they meet, or at least that's how I intended her to come across. Not much else to say about her right now.

And of course, we have Dakota and Sam. I've been trying to keep their dynamic and struggles different from Geoff and Bridgette in canon, while still keeping the same schedule for their mini-arc. Since the next time we seem them in-story the focus is pretty much entirely on the finale, now is the time for their plot to get wrapped up. I think I could have done better with them overall, but I'll be satisfied as long as their plot and development are consistent and make sense.

That's all for now, so until next week!

\- Fangren

* * *

**Appendix: TSA Eliminated Contestants**

Geoff - (Tied for 15th Place)

Bridgette - (Tied for 15th Place)

Shawn - (14th Place)

Alejandro - (13th Place)

Sierra - (12th Place)

Beardo - (11th Place)

Topher - (10th Place)

Sammy - (9th Place)

Beth - (8th Place)

Dawn - (7th Place)


	19. Chapter 19 - The Princess Pride

**Author's Note**

Here we are again, dear readers! This chapter officially kicks off the endgame for Total Shuffled Action - the final eight episode of the main season, special not included. I hope you enjoy the run from here on out.

Regarding next chapter, it was a bit odd due to the format, but in the end I'm fairly happy with how it ended up going. Perhaps not a full 100%, but I think that much like this chapter I'll enjoy it more when I re-read it.

Anywho, enough of that - it's time to talk reviews!

**Invader Cole:** Yeah, I don't quite get the Beth hate either. It's true that she didn't really do much in season two besides get to the end, but she's still a great character. Just one that flew under the radar that time around compared to, say Harold. For Sammy's arc...well, there's nothing I can say without spoiling things. And as for Dawn, you're right in that she may be a tad overrated, but I think it's a credit to her character that she stands out so much. Especially compared to the other fifth episode boots, Katie and, uh, Sammy. Other than that, interesting predictions, glad you like how I've been developing the three guests last episode, and thanks for the review!

**The Prime Writer:** Hey, no worries for taking your time with the reviews! I don't mind, honest. Hearing that readers really enjoy how I've been continuously developing everyone is definitely something I appreciate as a writer - it means that I'm doing a good job in at least some respects. Now, regarding the predictions and wonderings you had regarding Scarlett and the DJ/Dawn/Sammy love triangle...well, obviously I can't spoil anything. But I do hope you enjoy how they, and the story in general, turn out!

**Elizabeth Life Stone:** Thanks!

**Glowing Insanity:** Haha, well, I'm glad I could surprise you with those. And I hope to maybe surprise you again this episode.

**FOWLKON:** Thanks! Good to know I'm not alone in my age in this fandom. As for Sammy and Dawn talking it out...well, I can't have _everything_ happen in one episode.

**Zak Saturday:** Thanks!

**acosta perez jose ramiro:** Thanks! And yeah, I did consider having someone (probably Dakota) point it out, but due to a combination of kind of forgetting about it and not really having the time anyways, I decided to cut it. Sorry!

**StayOuttaMyShed:** First of all, I'm glad you liked the third Aftermath, and that you're looking forward to how a few plot threads turn out. I did consider having Dakota try to start something between Sammy and Dawn, but since that would've included the footage with Dawn an her father anyway, I ended up deciding to leave things unsaid for the time being. And now, at last, we come to what I had originally planned for Topher before bumping his elimination up. This is only the first part, since as you'll recall this is where I'd planned to eliminate him, so I'll save his eventual fate for the Post Script.

At this point in the original plan, the eliminations would have been the same - Sammy and Beth get knocked out by Amy's return, and Dawn was once again the first post-merge boot. But with Topher in B's place, the former Grips wouldn't have been meshing as well, and Topher would feel more resentful than loyal to them (plus a possibility of him maybe crushing on Lightning). He'd probably till have agreed to Jo's alliance, but then he would explicitly betray them and vote for Dawn with the ex-Gaffers - no ambiguity about it maybe having been a fluke, he'd straight up have a confessional about it and then gloat to Jo and DJ later or something. The third Aftermath would've been basically the same, but as for the rest...well, stay tuned for part two of this story!

**Ali6132:** I'm glad you like the Aftermaths, and yeah I reused the title - I felt it fitting, since a lot of the focus was on Sammy and Amy. For Dakota, I had hoped that she wouldn't come off as bad as Geoff did in canon, but I guess I didn't entirely succeed in that respect. Dawn's video...yeah, time has really flown with this fic. Hard to believe it's already June, and that there's less than two months before this season is done. Thanks for the review, and it's definitely not weird to root for the good guys - I do it too!

**Bruno 14:** Thanks! It's always good to hear from fans of the Aftermaths, and it's even getter to hear that they like what you've done with one. I hope you continue to enjoy this series!

**OMAC001:** To be fair, I've been trying to hint at that for the past couple seasons. As for how they'll react...well, you'll just have to wait and see! Be patient, though, because it's sure not happening this week.

**POPGoesdaweasel:** Thanks, athough I'm sorry to hear that you're not a fan of Sam's voice, or how I'm not having Dakota trying to hog the limelight so much. In my defense, she's already gone through a season of being with a bigger cast, and learning to be more considerate of other people. Plus, she's finally gotten herself a show - not as much reason to hog the limelight when she's already the star hostess.

**I. M. Poik:** Ah, well, looks like my pacing with Dakota's development this season wasn't quite right - oh well. AT least I did good by including the rest of Dawn's conversation with her father. Interesting predictions as always, and I look forward to hearing your reaction and thoughts after this episode.

**ThatShyWriter:** Thanks! To answer your first question...it's hard to say, honestly. A lot of it is just ideas that I come up that I think would fit the characters, but some of it also comes as a natural result from how those characters are. I don't know if that helps you, though. As for your second question...since it's kind of a minor thing to me, sure. Just, y'know, don't go plagiarizing things word-for-word.

**Knifez:** Haha, thanks. I actually did not even consider having Brady compete in TSWT, but it is a cool idea, and I can already picture it happening. Other than that...well, interesting predictions of course, and I do hope you enjoy this elimination.

**80jj:** Thanks! And yeah, Sammy's anger has finally exploded in a Totally Dramatic fashion - her sister should watch out when next they meet.

**Star Saber21:** Thanks! I'm glad you liked how the Aftermath turned out, and I hope you enjoy the rest of the season as well.

With the reviews once again out of the way for the time being, here's the remaining cast list:

Girls \- Amy, Jo, Scarlett

Boys \- B, DJ, Lightning

I hope you're ready folks, because this week is story time - in more ways than one!

\- Fangren

* * *

**Episode 19 – The Princess Pride**

"Last time, on Total Drama Action!" The standard opening shot of the film lot cut to the clip of Chris in his own superhero costume at the introduction to that episode's challenge. "Just when the cast thought they were safe," the host said as the footage showed him flying in and snatching away Chef as he dangled above the castmates, "I swung in to surprise – I mean, _antagonize_ them."

"The cast were forced to use their _creative_ sides while showing off their _back_ sides," Chris continued as Amy and Jo briefly fought over a role of spandex, B worked on his electronic text-to-speech device and got attacked by a cat, a costumed Chef attempted to sabotage Jo's sewing then ripped a large stuffed rabbit out of DJ's hands. "As they made super hero costumes out of spandex," Scarlett was shown measuring her cape, Super Lightning struck a pose, and the bins of spandex were shown. "And...some other junk..." The dump truck deposited its load of miscellaneous garbage at the work area, and the recap footage flashed ahead to DJ in his Bunny Guy costumes while Chris laughed and said "Nice tights!"

"Of course, they were foiled by the diabolical Pythonicus," the host said over the stock tilted shot of the supervillain and his feline sidekick, "evil alter-ego of the villainous _Chef_!"

"In a fight against evil, the cast proved they _could_ be heroes," Chris continued as B tiptoed across electrical wires before a bowling ball sent him spinning, and DJ caught a sack of potatoes in a dress. "And also, loooseerrss!" Lightning dodged one of the bowling balls, but flubbed the landing and got electrocuted by the wires he was supposed to cross.

"In the end, the most diabolical of them all were Scarlett and Amy," the host said over a shot of the two young women conversing with Lightning in the communal bathrooms, "who conspired to turn the former Killer Grips against one another and vote out DJ's _other_ love interest, Dawn." The mystic was shown reacting to her elimination with shock, Jo and B were showing glaring cautiously at one another, and DJ was shown giving Dawn a goodbye hug.

The recap footage ended, and the scene flashed to the control tent where Chris was waiting with a smile. "Will Super DJ recover from his friend's betrayal?" he asked the camera. "Will Amy and Lightning keep going out?" he pressed a button on the keyboard to his side, causing a picture of the couple to appear on one of the screens behind him.

"Maybe you'll find out right now?" he shrugged impishly as the scene changed again and he walked towards the cast trailers. "Maybe you won't? On another, totally dramatic episode of," he stopped in his tracks and the camera zoomed out with each further word, "Total! Drama! _Action_!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be...famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be...famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

The episode began with, of all things, a close-up of some brown and beany mush plopping on to a plate. The camera panned up to reveal its source as a burrito in the hands of Lightning, the uber-jock happily chowing down next to Amy and Scarlett. The terrible trio were eating their meals facing in to the dining tent, and the shot kept panning across the room to show the rest of the competitors – DJ with his back turned to the center of the room, and Jo and B sitting apart on the opposite side of the table from him.

"Wow, I never realized how _great_ it would be around here with Dawn gone," Amy loudly told Lightning, shooting an impish glance across the room. "No more of her creepy _stares_, or her creepy _animal whispering_, or her creepy, well, _everything_!" She giggled, and the contestants on either side of her laughed lightly as well.

The shot cut to DJ as he grimaced in pain frustration, unable to even open his mouth to take a bite of the burrito he was holding.

"Don't let her get to you," Jo whispered to him. "She's just trying to throw you off your game."

"What do _you_ care?" DJ shot back, his voice trembling with upset. "Either you or B voted for Dawn too."

"I keep telling you, it wasn't me!" Jo told him, while B also made gestures denying his involvement. "And besides, you have to work with _someone_ if you don't wanna get voted out!"

"How can I trust either of you when I know for a fact that one of you is _lyin_' to me?" DJ told them. "If you'd just be honest about votin' for Dawn, maybe I'd still be willin' to work with you. But until that happens, I just can't."

Jo pursed her lips. "Fine, you want me to be honest?" Both DJ and B looked at her expectantly, "then I'll _be_ honest. Me and Lunchbox made a deal awhile back to vote either your or Dawn out once we had to. But seeing how the four of us made it to the merge, the plan was that we'd wait until the final five. Or at least that's what I _thought_," the jock-ette said grumpily with a glare towards B, who glared right back.

DJ took a deep breath. "Look, I appreciate you comin' clean about that, I really do. But you _still_ aren't tellin' me which one of you voted for Dawn. If either of you expect me to keep trustin' you after this, you'd _better_ be votin' with me tonight."

"Yeah, I hear you," Jo told him. "I'll stick with you, and if B knows what's good for him," she stared straight at the silent boy, "he will too." B pursed his lips in annoyance, but nodded.

xxx

"I know I told Dawn I'd get rid of whoever voted her out," DJ told the confessional camera, "but I just don't know who to believe! Sure, last season I woulda said Jo was lying, easy, but I really thought she changed this time!" He sighed in exasperation, and held his head in his hands. "I gotta do this _right_. I don't wanna vote out another one of my friends."

xxx

The focus moved back to Lightning, Amy, and Scarlett as the cheerleader sighed happily. "Isn't it just _great_ seeing them like that?" she told the others. "With them all suspicious of each other, I am _so_ running this game."

Scarlett rolled her eyes, though neither of her allies saw it. "Well then, I suppose you've already thought of the best way to capitalize on this situation, correct?"

Amy blinked, then smiled. "Umm, _duh_, of course. I just have to make sure we keep the numbers on _my_ side. Isn't that right, Lightning?" she smiled sweetly at the boy next to her.

Lightning took a big bite of his burrito, then paused to quickly chew and swallow it. "Uh, yeah! You got the numbers."

A few off-camera footsteps gave the three pause, and they looked towards the room's entrance as the shot moved to a side-view of the room. Chef Hatchet had entered wearing a faded purple Medieval-styled costume, complete with a simple horn bearing a flag marked with a simple black-and-purple shield.

He blew a few awkward notes, then the camera moved in for a close-up as he made an announcement. "Hear ye, and rise! For Sir Chris!"

"_Sir_?!" Lightning repeated with disbelief as a few flies began swarming into the tent, watching something out of view as it moved past. "Since when is _he_ a Sir?"

The shot moved back out to show Chris McLean riding atop the same decrepit-looking horse that had been used for a much earlier episode. He was wearing a knight's helmet and holding what looked to be a boot made of glass, and dismounted once Chef laid out a small rug for him to stand on.

"Hold on," Amy said slowly, growing more excited with each word, "glass slipper, Medieval stuff, this must be a _Fairy Tale_ theme! Oh em gee I am going to _rock_ this challenge!"

"Amy, dude," Chris said with stern annoyance, "if you ever steal my intro again I'll have to personally boot you off the show."

"Hey, you can't do that!" Lightning protested. "I don't care if that _is_ a glass boot, Amy got on this show fair and square!" He paused suddenly, and furrowed his brow. "Wait..."

"Oh it's a boot alright," Chris said happily, "and it'll determine the Princess for today's Fairy Tale movie challenge! The rest of you," he added as the camera panned across the tent from right to left, "compete for the honor of _rescuing_ the fair Princess."

Amy immediately raised her hand eagerly. "Ooh! Ooh! _I_ wanna be the Princess!"

"I said the _fair_ Princess," Chris repeated. "And what we think is _fair_ is that the candidates be the ladies who haven't had a win since the merge: Jo," he motioned to the scowling jock-ette, "and Scarlett." The focus moved to the brainiac, who merely raised an eyebrow.

xxx

"Uggh, I am _so_ Princess material," Amy pouted in the make-up confessional. "I mean hello, not only am I the prettiest one here, but I _already_ have an ugly stepsister! Well, _twin_ sister, but still."

xxx

A short drumroll preceded an even shorter chanted note as Jo and Scarlett approached the end of the table closest to the tent entrance.

"Yeah, no way am I gonna be some frou-frou pretty _Princess_, got it McLean?" the jock-ette barked at the host who was standing impatiently nearby with the glass boot still in his hand. "And if you try to jam that boot on my foot, I'm gonna jam it somewhere _else_."

"Oookaaayy," the host said slowly, "that's a no-go for Jo. Scarlett, you're up."

"Well, I'm not exactly fond of fairy tale monarchies either," the brainiac said thoughtfully, "but I suppose I may as well accept."

"Hold on there, smarty-pants," Chris told her, "you gotta put the boot on first. Make sure you're _actually_ Princess material."

Scarlett frowned. "Very well." She sat on the end of the table and slipped off one of her shoes, the camera keeping her foot just out of sight while she grabbed the boot and tried to force it on.

The host and other castmates watched with widening eyes as she grunted and began to sweat, trying to get the rigid boot onto her foot. Eventually, she let out a disappointed breath and held the boot back up. "It's no use," she told the host. "Without lubrication I can't get it on, and even then it would probably shatter."

"Huh," Chris said blankly, "guess that's both candidates out, unless Jo's changed her mind."

He gave the jock-ette an expectant look, but she just glared at him. "Not a chance, McLean."

Amy immediately grinned and started waving her hand in the air, trying to get Chris' attention. "Ooh! Ooh!"

The host sighed. "Looks like we gotta go to _another_ selection method." He grabbed the glass boot and began to turn, only for Amy to dart forward and snatch the footwear away from him.

The background music spiked as the host and cast watched Amy, their mouths gaping as she swiftly tossed aside one of her cheer boots and replaced it with the glass one just off-screen. "There," she finally said with a broad smile, raising her leg to show the boot glimmering on the end of it, "I _knew_ I was always meant to be royalty!"

"Fine, Amy can be the Princess," Chris said heavily. "Let's just get this over with. Chef?" he looked back over his shoulder, and the shot pulled back to show the hulking man arriving back on the scene. He had changed into a pale blue ballerina's outfit, and had strapped a pair of fake wings to his back that, along with the glittering 'wand' in his hand, gave him the appearance of a fairy godmother.

"I dub thee, Princess Amy," he said shortly as a touching song played, waving the wand above the grinning girl's head and releasing a cloud of sparkling dust that nearly choked Jo, Lightning, and B.

"Hah! Suck on _that_, loser peasants!" Amy gloated, earning an eye-roll from the host.

xxx

"_Amy_? As a _Princess_?" DJ told the confessional camera with a snort and a laugh. "Man, I wouldn't wanna be in _that_ Fairy Tale. Unless she was the bad guy," he said with a thoughtful tap of his chin. "The bad guy _always_ loses in those stories. Plus, Sammy would be there too, and we'd probably get a happy ending." He finished his confessional with a smile.

xxx

A harp played in the background as an image of Chris' head and a large hardcover book appeared on screen in front of a yellowish stock background. "It's story time, with uncle Chris," the host's disembodied head said before the scene flashed to him seated in a large purple armchair with the same book in hand. His left hand was on a joystick built into the arm of the chair, and he seemed to be slowly rolling through the set.

"Once upon a time," he began slowly, the camera pulling back to show the host rolling up to the contestants minus Amy on a wheeled platform, his chair joined by a matching footstool, pedestal side table, and even a fireplace. "Five brave knights went on a quest to rescue a Princess from her ivory tower." He pulled back on the joystick, and the platform came to a stop. "But, it wasn't gonna be easy! First," he motioned to a staircase behind him, "the knights had to get past my very good friend," the shot quick-panned up and left to Chef, now dressed in a tattered vest and trousers with a long moss-green wig and beard, "the Terrible Toothless Troll!" The shot zoomed in on Chef as he quickly blackened a few of his front teeth with a sharpie. "And, his Bad Breaks Bridge!"

The camera zoomed out even further as a few ominous chants played in the background, showing a large mountainous set featuring a rickety rope bridge over a treacherous and craggy fake waterfall. The contestants gulped.

"To get past the Terrible Toothless Troll," Chris read on, "the knights had to wear _disguises_! There was the Frog Prince," he grabbed a vaguely frog-like great helm from behind his chair and tossed it to DJ, "and the Ugly Stepsister," he tossed a large wig of wavy red hair in a tall bun to Jo who caught it with a scowl. "Sleeping Beauty," he tossed a pink sleep mask to an unamused Scarlett, "and one of her Seven Dwarves," he followed that up by throwing a tall wizard's hat patterned with stars, moons, and lightning bolts to B. "Aaand," the host finished by pulling out a bright red hooded cape, "Little Red Riding Hood."

He tossed it to Lightning, who raised an eyebrow as he caught it. "Hey, who you callin' sha-_little_? Lightning should be _Big_ Red Ridin' Hood!"

"No dice dude, that's what it says in the script," Chris told him as an unseen intern delivered a plate of milk and cookies to the host's side table. He turned and grabbed one, saying "Good work, kid," before continuing his monologue.

"And so, the Frog Prince approached the Terrible Troll," he read as DJ jammed his helmet on.

"Uhh, Chris? I can't see in this thing!" the gentle giant said, his voice echoing inside the helm with a hint of rising panic.

"Oh yeah," Chris said to a dramatic rise in the background music, "for this challenge, each knight is blind." The five teens immediately began to protest, causing the host to snap at them. "Nowhere in this story does it say 'the cowardly knights complained'!" he told the cast with a brief glance at his book. "So get it together froggy, and get crossing!"

/

Tense music began to play as DJ approached the starting end of the bridge, arms held out in front of him as he tried to feel for any obstacles in his path. "Dude, this bites big time," he said as he began to inch his way across the bridge. He was hit by several small red fruits in quick succession, causing him to flinch and cry out "Hey! And those things _sting_, man!"

"Oh, also," Chris said as the shot cut back to him, "those are Wicked Witch's apples, so, they're poisonous and rotten. You might wanna watch..."

His warning was too late; DJ slipped on one of the apples and landed on his back with enough force to break the planks beneath him and send him falling to the rocky set below. Watching from below, Jo and B winced in pain as the brickhouse's wails and crashes were heard off-screen. The scene cut back to him as he grabbed onto one of the many lights that lined the fake waterfall, only to slip and fall to the luckily rock-free ground below.

"Well, looks like _DJ_ isn't fairy tale hero material," Chris commented, dunking one of his cookies into his glass of milk. The brickhouse groaned as he tried to lift himself back up, his arms and legs at odd angles but his helmet undented.

xxx

"Well, at least my helmet worked," DJ told the confessional, covered in bandages and his left arm in a sling. "Plus, now I don't have to try and save Amy."

xxx

A harp was played as the footage cut back to the other five contestants standing at the start of the bridge. "Next, the Ugly Stepsister," Chris said as he moved his platform around towards the far staircase. "She grabbed a fistful of courage and headed across the bridge."

Jo rolled her eyes, then glanced over at Chef – the man had hunched over, and with a wild grin was slapping a cat o' nine tails against his hand. "This is ridiculous," Jo grumbled, jamming the wig down over her eyes and charging forward with a battle cry. Chef raised his eyebrows and rushed out to intercept her, but as soon as they collided the jock-ette grabbed him and kneed him in the crotch. He fell to his knees with tears in his eyes, and she leapfrogged over him and kept running.

xxx

"What can I say," Jo told the confessional camera in a cocky tone, rubbing her knuckles on her shirt, "I've won the Junior division of the Provincial Women's Blind Combat tournament three years in a row!"

xxx

The footage skipped forward to B's attempt, the wizard's hat already jammed down over his eyes and his hands firmly on the ropes of the bridge as he walked forward at a steady pace. Chef squeezed a mother goose, launching a golden egg out of its rear like a bullet – it whizzed over the silent boy's shoulder, distracting him for a moment as he moved his head to track it. A second egg hit him square in the chest, knocking him back a step and putting a grin on Chef's face.

The tense frantic music returned B frowned thoughtfully for a moment, then took a powerful standing jump. The camera zoomed in on the bridge as it rippled, knocking loose every plank all the way to Chef. With a gasp and a scream the troll and his goose fell, and the scene cut to him as he grabbed something behind his back. "They don't pay me enough for this!" Chef yelled, pulling the cord of a hidden parachute and floating down safely.

Back up top, B was shown to have stopped his own fall by putting his feet on the lower rope that the planks had been attached to. He took a deep breath, then cautiously began to cross the broken bridge one step at a time.

"C'mon, dude, we don't got all day!" Chris called up in annoyance, the bandaged form of DJ now on the platform and watching as well.

"He's got this," DJ said softly before the shot quick-panned back up to the silent genius. He'd finally gotten to the few planks that remained on the edge, and after quickly testing them with his foot he smiled and stepped off the bridge.

"_Finally_," the host muttered before turning his fake grin up to the last two contestants. "Sleeping Beauty, you're up next." The scene cut to the start of the bridge as Scarlett pursed her lips. "Then Big Red after that."

Scarlett sighed, then slid her sleep mask into place. "Well, _this_ is irritating," she grumbled, waving her arms in front of her as she slowly moved towards the bridge. She quickly slammed her right shoulder into one of the posts holding up the bridge, but recovered her balance swiftly. "And now that I've been properly oriented," she muttered as Lightning laughed, "I can actually _proceed_ with this absurd task."

Chef was shown running past the center of the bridge with an ax raised and ready to strike, while Scarlett finally started her journey completely unawares. With her hands firmly on the guide ropes, she stepped closer and closer to a grinning and silent Chef. Just as the gap between the two closed to about a foot, the troll struck – not the knight, but the bridge itself.

"What was that?" Scarlett asked with a touch of alarm as the top rope on the near side of the bridge snapped, and the planks she was standing on tilted dangerously. She tried to take another step but slipped, and was soon dangling by nothing but the severed rope. "I'm not going down without a fight!" she said harshly, swinging back up toward the bridge and blindly grasping for something else to hold on to.

The camera moved in on her hand as she grabbed something, but pulled back out to show it was Chef's pant leg. The man had been clinging safely to the in-tact portion of the bridge, but when he tried to shake free of Scarlett's grip he lost his balance as well, until both fell to the rocks below.

"Not again!" Chef yelled before releasing his parachute once more. Scarlett, meanwhile, was left to bounce off a few rocks before hitting the ground with a thud.

xxx

"I'll be happy when this season is over with," Scarlett told the confessional camera dryly, her neck in a brace and her head and chest in bandages. "The host and his 'challenges' are getting on my few remaining nerves, and I'm quite lucky I haven't gotten a _concussion_ yet."

xxx

The footage cut back to Chris laughing raucously in his armchair. "Looks like we've got another _hilarious_ failure, courtesy of Scarlett. That means the final knight attempting to enter Fairy Tale Land is," the shot cut to Lightning as he tied a blindfold over his eyes as his hooded cape was too small, "Big Red Riding Hood! Let's keep it movin', dude!"

Lightning took a step forward and immediately crashed into a post. Recoiling slightly, he shook it off and stepped onto the bridge. "Alright, time for Sir Lightning to get his knight on!" The shot pulled back to show Chef putting on a blonde pigtailed wig, and the overachiever charged forward like he was running down a football field.

"Rapunzel dude, let down your hair!" Chris called, and Chef eagerly lengthened one of the pigtails and began swinging it around.

"Rapunzel?" Lightning said in confusion. "Who's _Rapunzel_?" His mind was forced back on track when Chef cracked the length of hair at the uber-jock like a whip, missing the boy but startling him nonetheless. "Sir Lightning don't know what that was," he commented as he stopped in his tracks, "but he is _not_ gonna let it stand between him and his Princess!"

With a renewed battle-cry he charged forward once again, surprising Chef. The troll quickly scowled and readied his hair-whip again, but when he launched it again Lightning just ducked under it. "Make way for Sir sha-_Lightning_!" the jock announced, running down a stunned Chef. The costumed man rubbed his head and shot an annoyed glare at the overachiever as he finished crossing the bridge and broke out into a touchdown dance.

/

The scene flashed forward to a close-up of the host's book as he began to narrate once again. "And so, the Terrible Toothless Troll knocked off two losers," the shot pulled back to show DJ and Scarlett, still showing their injuries, seated on the ground nearby. "_But_," the camera panned over to Jo, B, and Lightning on the left, "three semi-brave knights made it to the other side and continued on their noble quest. Whereupon _I_," he motioned to himself, "in my wisdom, inspired them with a vision of Princess Amy."

The shot pulled back even further, revealing that the group had assembled in front of a small stage with a pink-tinted backdrop depicting a large white castle off in distant hillsides. A slow piano melody began to play as Amy, now dressed in a regal-looking pink gown and tiara, was lowered onto the stage by a few wires.

"When I was a little girl, I'd _dream_ of my first kiss," Amy began to sing in a rather mediocre voice the moment she hit the stage and the wired harness was reeled back up. "It would come from my perfect prince!" She spread her arms wide and a number of tiny birds and chipmunks gathered around her, the birds even landing on her hands. "And in my dream, it went like this!"

The scene immediately cut to the three remaining knight as they watched the performance. Lightning was the only one with a sappy grin on his face, while B looked bored and uncomfortable and Jo looked like she'd just stepped in something foul.

"Well _this_ day just got ten times worse," she quipped dryly. "Bad enough I'm expected to save her, but I have to listen to her sing about it too?" B nodded and dramatically rolled his eyes.

"Hey, you two better not be trash-talkin' Sir Lightning's Princess!" the uber-jock told them angrily.

Jo snorted. "Uh, in case you haven't noticed, you're the only one here who actually _likes_ Her Royal Pain. The only reason I'm even _here_ right now is to win invincibility." B nodded again, and Jo raised an eyebrow at him. "Hey, don't think I've forgotten about you working with her last time," she accused the silent boy. B just slapped his forehead, then shook his head and sent a pleading look skyward.

"Well, Sir Lightning doesn't think _either_ of you deserves the chance to save Princess Amy," the uber-jock countered. "She's too good for the two of you!"

"Once again, Sir _Whipped_, you can have her all you want, but _I'm_ winning this challenge," Jo countered, finally ending the soft piano music of Amy's song.

"You sha-take that back!" Lightning shot angrily.

"Guys, guys!" Chris said, stepping forward and getting between the two athletes. "There's no need to fight! At least not until after this _break_," he declared happily. "Will Lightning continue to do _everything_ for Amy? Or will Jo cut him off by saving her first? Find out, when we come back!"

(Fade to Commercial and Back)

The footage came back to a distance shot of the stage Amy was still singing on, her music resuming as the shot cut closer.

"My prince will be tall and handsome," she sang, the camera panning down to catch Lightning standing up straight and striking a pose. "My Prince will be tough as nails," Jo rolled her eyes as the overachiever flexed his biceps then lifted the startled jock-ette over his head.

"My prince will have lots of money," Amy continued, the camera moving back on her as she showered the stage with a wad of cash. "My prince will tame wild whales!" She flexed her own arms, Chris nodded to the beat, and the shot cut to Lightning lifting a small and rather disoriented baleen whale like it was a dumbbell.

The shot panned down to Scarlett and DJ who were watching the performance with boredom on their faces.

"Man, why couldn't it be Sammy or Dawn up there...," the gentle giant mumbled.

"Because they were already eliminated," Scarlett answered bluntly. "Although perhaps they wouldn't drag on this torturous performance like Amy is."

A close-up was shown of Amy reaching for a wary-eyed frog in a small crown, the cheerleader pulling it closer to her as she finished her song. "When we kiss~, my prince will be you~!" As the music ended she held up the frog and kissed it on the lips, but broke almost immediately in a fit of revulsion.

"Eww, that's _disgusting_!" she wretched, throwing the frog away from her. It landed on on Lightning's face, and he quickly pried it off and glared at it.

"Dude, you'd better watch who you're kissin'," he warned the frog, who gave him only a croak in response.

"Wasn't that song brilliant?" Chris asked as the focus moved back to him, Scarlett, and DJ. "It was _so_ brilliant, I know _everyone_ wishes they could hear it over, and over, and over again! And now they can." He snapped his fingers, and a CD case bearing Princess Amy's picture on the cover was placed in his waiting hand.

"Relive the magic of Amy for only $12.99," he told the camera as a deep and theatrical tune began to play. "Call 555-SELLOUT to get your _authentic_ Princess Amy CD," he added as the camera zoomed in on the case, "before everyone else downloads it _illegally_!"

"Who'd wanna buy some crappy love song from a wannabe pop star anyway?" Jo asked.

"Hey! I'll have you know that _tons_ of people will wanna buy my CD," Amy told her in offense. "I'd even buy it myself if I wasn't already getting a free copy." She quickly looked at the host and asked, "I _am_ getting a free copy right?"

Chris shrugged and smiled. "Sure, why not? Consider it your compensation for helping us make it." He flicked the CD he'd been holding at her, and she caught it with an eager grin.

xxx

Amy was already listening to the CD as her confessional began, and hummed a few lines before she finally started to talk. "I am _such_ a good singer. I'd like to see _Samey_ try and copy _this_."

xxx

"Sha-_dang_, girl!" Lightning said in awe as he approached the stage. "You're the hottest Princess Lightning's ever seen! These other jokers don't know what they're missin'."

He offered his hand to Amy, who took it with a light giggle. "Thanks. You _are_ pretty lucky to have me!"

Lightning helped her step down, then waited with an expectant look that soon turned into a troubled frown. "Uhh, ain't this the part where the Princess compliments Sir Lightning on his bravery and, uhh, other stuff?" he asked with a questioning look at his girlfriend.

"Oh! Right!" Amy responded in a fluster. "Sorry, I was just, umm, thinking about the best way to describe...your eyes! They're just so...striking!"

The uber-jock blinked, then furrowed his brow. Amy smiled at him sheepishly, and he finally said "Lightning's eyes aren't _striking_, they're fierce but deep, like a tiger's!"

Amy was silent for an awkward moment, then snapped her fingers and laughed. "Oh yeah, _that's_ what I was thinking of! Sorry."

The camera moved to Jo rolling her eyes and B shaking his head in disapproval before a sound caught the attention of both. They turned their heads at once and the scene followed their gaze over to Chef, still in his troll costume but now riding the same fly-ridden horse from earlier in the episode.

"I am honestly surprised that horse hasn't died yet," Scarlett commented. "It can't _possibly_ be in good condition after being used on this show."

"Aww, don't say that," DJ said. "Just because it's a little _old_ doesn't mean it's not healthy."

As if on cue, the horse unleashed a noisy fart just after Amy hopped onto its back. She wretched and the three castmates behind her gagged and waved their hands in front of their faces until the noxious cloud cleared.

"So what, are we supposed to _catch_ her now?" Jo asked belligerently.

"No, it's a classic princess abduction," Chris explained calmly. "As the villain makes a whirlwind getaway on a swift steed."

Chef kicked the horse with his bare feet, but it didn't react. "Guess ol' Betsy here didn't read the script," he said gruffly.

"Kick harder," Chris commanded, and Chef promptly complied. A stronger kick caused the horse to kick backwards, catching Lightning – who had been standing closest - right in the stomach.

"That did it," Chef said as Lightning groaned in pain and fell to his knees.

"So, that's how the three knight dudes _lost_ the Princess," Chris narrated, "But fate, aka _me_, wasn't finished with them." He motioned to the three as Chef and Amy rode off behind him. "They followed the troll to a fight to the _death_, because that's how I like my princesses saved."

"Oh Sir Lightning!" Amy called out playfully as she was slowly abducted. "You'd _better_ be the one who rescues me!"

"Pfft, like these two losers even got a chance!" Lightning replied boastfully.

"Yeah," Jo told B in a low voice, "differences aside, how about we work together on this one and make sure Sir Slick and Princess Pukeworthy over there get the ending they _really_ deserve." She extended her hand, and after a moment's thought B shook it.

xxx

"Don't get me wrong, I'm still ticked at Silent Treatment for messing up the plan," Jo explained in the confessional trailer. "But he _knows_ the high school power couple is a threat. He'll play along."

xxx

The footage cut forward to a close-up of the old horse chewing on some hay before the camera panned over to a small castle archway propped up against a tower of some sort. "Sir Lightning, Sir Jo, _and_ Sir B reached the ivory tower in which the troll had stuck the spoiled princess," Chris read as the three remaining competitors walked into the scene and he followed on his rolling platform. The shot panned up the towers, where several other pieces of crenelated wall had been attached here and there, and at the very top there was a pinkish spire and balcony where Princess Amy waited.

"But there was only one way to _rescue_ her," the host continued with a grin on his face and tense music building in the background. "One of the brave knights had to _slay_ the _dragon_!"

"Dragon?!" DJ asked in alarm. "Please don't tell me you got a real dragon for this!"

"Seeing as dragons _don't exist_," Scarlett told him dryly, "I find that highly unlikely."

"Scarlett's right," Chris said as the music switched to something more ominously lurking. "We're reusing the alien monster guy."

The brainiac's eyebrows immediately shot up, and seconds later a few tremendous mechanical footsteps were heard. She and DJ looked to stage right and the camera pulled back, showing off the animatronic monster in all its glory. Chef was wearing the motion capture suit that controlled it, and it had been given a hood with horns, a scraggly 'beard', and two tiny wings in order to make it look more draconic. Chef raised his arms menacingly, and the monster echoed the pose and growled.

"Let the dragon slaying begin!" the host announced, pulling out a trio of wooden swords and throwing them to the knights. B caught the shortest, Jo the most slender, and Lightning the broadest, and the three turned to face the tower and dragon.

"I'm counting on you, Sir Lightning!" Amy called from above, smiling at the uber-jock and blowing him a kiss. He accepted it with a grin, and Amy turned her attention to the other two knights and frowned. "As for you two...," she chuckled darkly, "well, you'll need all the luck you can get."

"Yeah, cause Sir sha-Lightning is the _only_ one who's gonna slay today!" the uber-jock boasted before turning and charging at the dragon.

Jo scowled, then looked at B. "I'll distract Lightning, you figure out how to take that dragon down, got it?" B nodded, and Jo took off after their opponent.

"Not so fast, Sir _Joke_-ning," the jock-ette taunted as she swung her sword at Lightning, forcing the jock to turn back and block. "Don't expect me to just let you win." The two grit their teeth and clashed blades, only breaking when they noticed a foot-shaped shadow fall upon them. They rolled out of the way before the monster stomped them, and the camera panned over to B.

He tapped his chin thoughtfully, and the viewpoint moved over his shoulder as he watched Chef guide the monster in stomping and snapping at the other two knights. For their part, both Jo and Lightning were able to dodge the animatronic dragon's attacks with ease, while also taking the opportunity to attack one another when they could.

B snapped his fingers, then whistled shrilly to get Jo's attention. "Uh, I'm kinda busy here!" the jock-ette answered roughly, rolling away from another stomp before noticing the silent boy motioning vigorously for her to run towards him. She shrugged but complied, and both Lightning and the Chef-controlled monster made moves to chase after her. B, in turn, ran towards her but continued to motion for her to run. They passed each other, then Lightning passed B, and finally the silent genius came to a sliding stop with his arms over his head and his back towards the monster.

The dragon, which was still trying to chase the others, caught its foot on B and somehow tripped. It flailed its arms humorously before crashing to the ground, and both Jo and Lightning turned around and headed for it the moment they realized the dragon was vulnerable. The uber-jock had the lead but Jo quickly passed him up, reaching the monster's shoulder at the same time as a slightly-damaged B. The two former teammates nodded at one another, then as one plunged their swords into the prominent red button on the beast's shoulder. It sparked a little, and the two smiled victoriously.

And then the dragon growled, grabbed the two in its claws, and stood back up.

"Odd," Chris commented from the sidelines while both Scarlett and DJ watched with wide eyes, "hitting the center of operations like that _should_ have worked." He looked over at Chef who paused in mid-pose to shrug.

xxx

"Why am _I_ supposed to know how that thing works?" Chef told the confessional camera, still in the motion-capture suit. "Especially since I got called away by the _producers_ for a few days. For all I know," he looked suddenly nervous and his eyes looked away from the camera, "somebody coulda came in and messed with it back then."

xxx

The footage resumed with Jo and B in the dragon's clutches, getting shaken around then casually dropped on the ground. The two shook their heads and gasped, barely rolling out of the way of a monstrous follow-up stomp.

"Well _now_ what?" Jo asked angrily, still on the ground.

"Sha-_please_, everyone knows that to slay a dragon, you gotta go for the heart!" Lightning interrupted, standing boastfully over his two opponents. He then charged at the dragon, then shocked both it and Chef by jumping onto its chest.

"Oh no you scaly freak," Lightning said as he clung tight and resisted a couple slaps from the monster, "you are _not_ gonna beat Sir Lightning!" The music peaked dramatically as he pulled himself up a couple feet, then readied his sword. "Get _slain_, son!" he cried, thrusting his wooden sword into the monster's chest. Grabbing on to the hilt with both hands, he allowed himself to hang freely and force his sword to cut open a larger gash in the animatronic creature's belly. It eventually slid out and he dropped to the ground, but the damage was done – the gash was sparking and smoking, and the alien-turned-dragon wobbled a bit before falling backwards with a crash.

"Sha-_Lightning_!" the uber-jock shouted, putting his foot on the beast's tail and striking a victorious pose. "Don't worry Princess!" he called up to Amy. "Your prince is here to save the _day_!"

Still on the ground, Jo rolled her eyes and B pursed his lips.

The dramatic music came to an end as the camera panned to the right, focusing on Chris' moving platform as he arrived with Scarlett and DJ in tow.

"Wanna rescue Princess Amy too?" he asked the camera as an infomercial-like jingle began to play. "Now you can, for only $79.95!" he pulled out a pink-and-yellow striped box and held it up for the camera, a vaguely Amy-shaped doll just visible inside. "Order your very own Princess Amy Limited Edition Glass Boot Doll! Playing with the Princess Amy doll is _more_ fun and _less_ dangerous than playing with the _real_ Amy. Guaranteed!" He finished with a cheesy grin.

The scene cut to the top of the ivory tower as Lightning climbed up to the balcony where Amy waited. A reverent tune similar to what was normally used to close an episode played as the two grinned at each other. "Yo, Princess!" Lightning greeted before the two moved in for a kiss.

"Wait, wait, there's no kissing!" Chris interrupted, wagging his finger at the couple from his chair.

"Sha-_what_?" Lightning said in disbelief.

"Huh?" Amy echoed.

"It says here that Prince Lightning and Princess Amy must _sword fight_ to determine the true winner!" the host explained.

"And the winner gets _immunity_, right?" Amy asked quickly.

"Correctamundo," Chris replied.

"Aww, really?" Jo said, finally back on her feet and walking towards the wheeled platform with B right behind her. "If I'd known that earlier, I might've actually _wanted_ to try that boot on."

"What can I say," the host said, "I'm a fan of the more modern tales, where a gal has to fight for herself. Too late to go back on that, though, Amy and Lightning are now the only ones who can win."

"Yes!" Amy cheered, pumping her fist excitedly, ignoring the odd look Lightning was giving her. "I get to be the Princess _and_ win immunity!"

"Uh, say what?" Lightning interrupted. "_Lightning_ did the work, he should get the prize!"

"Well, it's not like you're gonna _sword fight_ me for it," Amy said, her brow furrowing in annoyance. "Hello, I'm your _girlfriend_?!"

The uber-jock rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "Lightning might not wanna hurt you, but he doesn't wanna _lose_ either. And since he has a sword and you don't, he's pretty sure he can beat you if it comes to it."

The mean girl sighed in deep annoyance, then put on a sweet smile. "You know what, you're right! It was wrong of me to take away your _obvious_ win. But since we _are_ going out, how about we start _sharing_ all our wins from here on out?" Lightning raised an eyebrow and lowered his sword slightly, and Amy continued. "So, like, we take turns with immunity and stuff, and when one of us wins the million, we split it!"

Lightning narrowed his eyes at her in suspicion and disbelief.

xxx

"Lightning's Pops always told him to look out for girls that were only after his money," the overachiever explained in the make-up trailer. "Pops said a woman should be able to win on her _own_ terms, and not just piggyback off the wins of others. Lightning's startin' to think somethin's _off_ with Amy," he finished, rubbing his chin in thoughtful suspicion.

xxx

"Yeah, uh, Lightning doesn't think he can agree to that," the uber-jock told his girlfriend awkwardly.

Amy sighed sadly. "Fine," she told him while slowly moving her hands towards his sword. "I guess we'll have to do this the _hard_ way!" Her voice turned sharper and more devious at the last second as she grabbed the wooden blade and shoved it backwards into Lightning's crotch. He was pushed off the balcony, and hit the ground on his back with his hands on his groin.

"Sorry!" the cheerleader-turned-princess called down, half genuine and half mocking.

Lightning groaned weakly, and the shot panned over to Chris and the other losers. "And Amy wins immunity!" the host announced to the annoyance of DJ, Jo, and B.

/

A flash took the scene to the common area where the former Killer Grips had gathered.

"So, with the Pink Princess immune, who do you want us to prove our _loyalty_ by voting for?" Jo asked DJ, her arms crossed and an annoyed scowl on her face.

The brickhouse tapped his chin a few times, then said "Scarlett. Like you said last time, she's pretty smart. She might try to pull something if we keep her in the game."

Jo and B exchanged a surprised look. "Really?" the jock-ette asked. "I figured you'd wanna get rid of Lightning since he and Amy are the current power couple." B nodded his agreement.

"I thought about that," DJ told them, "but I'm pretty sure we can get them to break up, that girl does _not_ like Lightning as much as he does her. Plus, if this is a tiebreaker, I'd rather one of us go up against _Scarlett_."

B thought about it, then gave a thumbs up. The camera short-panned to Jo, and she smirked. "Hey, not a bad plan. A little risky, but workable."

"I'm glad you're okay with it," DJ told them before donning a more serious expression. "Remember, I'm countin' on _both_ of you to make up for Dawn getting' eliminated by doin' this for me."

"Yeah yeah," Jo waved her hand dismissively, "we got it already. Now come on, I wanna get good seats.

/

The shot panned up to the sky, then sun nearly setting, then panned back down to the communal bathroom and cut inside.

Lightning was standing by the table closest to the exit, arms crossed and foot tapping impatiently. "So, come to apologize for takin' Lightning out like that?" he asked Amy as she walked up to him with a pleasant smile on her face.

"Umm, I was actually thinking we could talk about that _later_," she told the jock. "Right now I wanted to tell you who we're voting for tonight." He raised a skeptical eyebrow at her, but before he could raise an objection she darted forward and whispered something in his right ear.

"Sha-_really_?!" he exclaimed in surprise, his skepticism forgotten in an instant. "Why we votin' for _them_?! I thought-"

Amy put a silencing finger to his lips and smirked. "Don't worry about it, I have it _all_ planned out."

Skepticism returned to Lightning's face as the scene faded out

/

The opening sequence of the Gilded Chris Ceremony came and went, leaving the scene focused on the tux-wearing host at his podium. "So," he began with an award already in his hand, "with immunity, Amy is the _first_ to win a Gilded Chris." He tossed the statuette to the girl, sitting on the left side of the bleachers with her former teammates, and she caught it with a smug grin.

"Finally, I get _exactly_ what I deserve," she said.

"Well, it's not like you're getting any of the profits from the Princess Amy line," Chris said plainly, "so sure."

Amy's eyes popped open in shock. "Wait, what?!" she said in outrage.

"Also in the competish," Chris announced with another two awards in his hand before Amy could say anything else, "_Lightning_ and _Jo_." The former caught his prize in his lap with a confident grin, the latter with a more bored expression as she held her hand up high to grab it as it went over her head.

"And then we come to DJ," the host continued, the camera panning to the gentle giant who smiled as he caught his award. Spotlights were put on Scarlett and B, and they both opened their eyes in surprise. "Who will live happily ever after, and who will die penniless," Chris said as the music built dramatically, "...will be decided by a _tiebreaker_!"

The spotlights shut back off, and the bottom two stood up with calm and serious expressions on their faces. "Thanks a lot for doin' what I asked," DJ whispered to B with a smile and a pat on the shoulder. "And good luck with the challenge." B nodded, and gave him and Jo a thumbs up.

"Once again, we're gonna make this quick," Chris said as B and Scarlett approached the stage, the brainiac looking much more nervous than her silent opponent. "To go with today's fairy tale theme," he continued in a light voice, "I've decided to give you a _test_ to determine your pureness of heart." He motioned to the side as Chef came out with a wheelbarrow full of nasty-looking apples, and dumped them onto the stage. "Hidden amongst these Wicked Witch's apples is the Apple of Golden Truth. First to _find_ the Apple of Golden Truth gets to stay."

The two competitors climbed onto the stage wordlessly, but the host but his arm out to stop them before they got too close. "Also," he snicked, "you two have to do it _blind_!" Chef quickly appeared behind them and forced the sleeping mask and wizard's hat the two had used for the earlier challenge down on their heads, then shoved them towards the pile.

"And, _go_!" Chris announced happily, and a hectic tune began as the two geniuses immediately started blindly rooting through the pile.

"C'mon Silent Treatment, you got this!" Jo called from the bleachers.

"Yeah dude, go get that apple!" DJ added encouragingly.

B was shown searching in a close-up, wiping at his hat as though getting the sweat off his brow. The camera panned over to Scarlett, who was frowning in displeasure and flaring her nostrils as she dug through the pile frantically.

"You'd better win, Scarlett!" Amy yelled.

"Yeah," Lightning added, "we're countin' on you!"

A few of the lesser apples slid away from the pile, revealing the brilliant and gleaming Apple of Golden truth behind them. Chris' grin widened and he took in an expectant breath, the music building to a dramatic and triumphant peak as the camera zoomed in on the apple and it was lifted into the air.

The shot quickly pulled, back, revealing the magnificent fruit to be in the hands of Scarlett. "I got it!" she declared excitedly, before adding in a calmer voice "I _think_."

"Scarlett wins!" Chris confirmed with great enthusiasm, the two competitors removing their blinds to see for themselves. The brainiac shot a dark smirk at the silent genius, who hung his head in shame and defeat.

"Sorry dude," the host told him with a frown and a hand on the boy's shoulder, "but you're out."

B nodded in acceptance, and the scene flashed forward to him walking on to the red carpet as the sad but reverent elimination music began to play. DJ and Jo were waiting for him.

"Sorry it had to end like this," the gentle giant said as the two exchanged a fist bump. "For what it's worth, I'm still gonna count you as a friend." B gave him a thumbs up, then moved on to Jo.

"Look," she told him awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck and not meeting his gaze, "you were a...good competitor, and it was nice having you on my team, okay?" She looked at him, and extended her hand. He took it with a smirk, then put his hands into his coat pockets and turned to take the Walk of Shame. He stopped for one last silent wave backward as he got into the limousine of losers.

/

The footage paused there, and the camera pulled back to show it on one of the monitors in the control tent. Chris was sitting in his chair playing with a couple of Princess Amy dolls, a few more scattered on the nearby desk.

"Marketing says our target audience is too old for dolls," Chris told the camera as the footage on the monitor cut to static. "They're just not selling!" He looked to the side, and the camera panned to follow and show Chef playing with a group of Princess Amy dolls dressed up as soldiers.

"Princesses, attack!" he said with a dark grin, lighting a miniature cannon with a match as the deeper and more dramatic ending theme began to play. The cannon fired with a puff, blowing the heads off two of the dolls.

Chris gave him an odd look, then turned back to the camera. "Hey target audience! Make sure you don't miss the next _kiss_-filled episode of Total! Drama! Action!" As soon as he finished saying the title, he mashed the mouths of the two dolls he was holding together and made kissing sounds. "Now ya see, Chef," he told his companion as a light and flowery theme briefly played, "_that's_ how you play with dolls."

(Fade to Credits)

/

/

/

**[Bonus Clip]**

The scene faded in to B sitting on the back seat of the limousine, twiddling his fingers while he looked around in awkward silence. A couple times he stared at the camera and either shrugged, or nodded, or shook his head, or gave a thumbs up, but never did he speak.

Eventually, he rubbed his chin thoughtfully and snapped his fingers. Quickly digging into his coat, he soon pulled out a small device that looked similar to the text-to-speech machine he'd used during the superhero challenge. He rapidly typed on it, and it said "Losing sucks, but at least I still get a check for ten grand." He scratched his soul patch thoughtfully for a moment, then added "Never did get that dinner though. Or the chance to really clear my name with DJ. He better realize that-"

Before the machine could finish speaking, it started to spark and the voice faded into unintelligible garbage. B gave it a curious look, but when he touched it a puff of smoke burst out of it and his face fell into a dry frown.

* * *

**Author's Note - Post Script**

As some of you predicted, it was B who got the boot here - although I hopefully didn't make it too obvious, even by the end. He was, as with last season, both an interesting and challenging character to write, for what I hope are obvious reasons. I'm kind of disappointed this episode didn't focus more on him, but I hope I at least did him justice. As I've said before, he won't be returning for World Tour as he can't really sing, but at least he'll still be on the Aftermaths along with the other four season two players who won't be returning.

It may not necessarily seem like it now, but this episode sets up (and/or continues) a few things that'll be more important as this final quarter of the season goes on. Hopefully everything turns out as I hope it will...

And now to finish addressing my original plan for Topher, which I already started talking about in my response to StayOuttaMyShed's review. At this episode, Topher would have already flipped allegiances to Amy/Lightning/Scarlett. However, he would also be eliminated this same episode, despite nominally being on the right side of the numbers. How, you ask?

Because he would do *something* to annoy or anger Scarlett. I won't say what, exactly, although I bet some of you might be able to guess. Nevertheless, Scarlett convinces Amy and Lightning to backstab him on the basis that someone who's already betrayed an alliance can't be trusted. I didn't really elaborate in the current version of the story, but this is basically the reason why Amy and Lightning (and Scarlett, though I didn't show her in that discussion) voted for B - they couldn't risk him siding with Jo and DJ again (which he did do), so it's better to vote him out when he's not expecting it. I imagine Amy did tell B to vote for someone else, but obviously he didn't go through with it.

So yeah, back to Topher. The original plan, which I decided to abandon in favor of an earlier boot and a confrontation with Sierra, was for him to betray the former Grips, then in turn get betrayed. It was, I think, an interesting storyline, but I don't regret doing away with it. What are your thoughts, though? Did I do Topher and B good with there respective plotlines this season?

Let me know in a review, and I'll see you all next Friday.

\- Fangren

* * *

**Appendix: TSA Eliminated Contestants**

Geoff - (Tied for 15th Place)

Bridgette - (Tied for 15th Place)

Shawn - (14th Place)

Alejandro - (13th Place)

Sierra - (12th Place)

Beardo - (11th Place)

Topher - (10th Place)

Sammy - (9th Place)

Beth - (8th Place)

Dawn - (7th Place)

B - (6th Place)


	20. Chapter 20 - Get a Clue

**Author's Note**

Hello once more! I have a family event this afternoon that'll take me well away from my computer, so even though I'm trying to put the finishing touches on this chapter early there's still a chance I'll be forced to delay it. If that's the case, then I apologize in advance. [Addendum: The delay didn't end up happening, so hooray for thinking ahead!]

Other than that, there's a few things to report. The first is that, for those who haven't already heard, the first episode of "Total Drama Presents: The Ridonculous Race" has leaked online. Before you ask, I won't be sending out any links since for all I know they could be taken down before you can use them. Just keep checking around Youtube and the like, you'll find the episode eventually.

More closer to home, I was able to finish episode twenty-one last night despite all the business resulting from family-event-related prep work. I don't want to say too much about it right now, but I really liked how it turned out and it may end up being one of the best things to come about from my decision to keep B around over Topher.

That, however, is for next week. For this week, we have a murder mystery in Total Drama style. But first, the reviews!

**Invader Cole:** Haha, I'm happy I was able to fake you out. And yeah, LighTopher is an...interesting pairing. I didn't intend it to work out in the long run, but it would've been fun while it lasted. As for LightAmy's eventual fate...well, you'll just have to keep waiting.

**FOWLKON:** Yeah, Amy was the natural princess choice. I didn't end up having Chris specifically call her a royal pain in the ass in this recap since I kept his lines close to canon, but thinking back it might have been a good thing to include.

**Knifez:** Hmm, you're certainly right that DJ/Jo/B targeting Lightning would've added more suspense, but ti didn't really seem like the choice they'd make. They knew a tiebreaker was likely, and with the weakest villain having immunity they'd want the best shot at winning whatever challenges was put forth - and Lightning was a bit much of a risk. Then again, perhaps I could've come up with another justificiation... Regardless, I'm glad you liked how this plot turned out even if you'd prefer Topher's story more. Also that you're looking forward to this reward challenge. As for whether or not there'll be a returnee next week...well, you'll have to wait and see.

**BuckJohnson:** Ohoho, interesting predictions. You'll just have to wait and see how they turn out...

**POPGoesDaWeasel:** Uh, I'm pretty sure you didn't even read the chapter - Jo wasn't the Princess, Amy was. Oh, and I don't think you're very funny.

**acosta perez jose ramiro:** Thanks as always!

**OMAC001:** Yeah, they're annoyingly persistent, aren't they? Although this week's a reward challenge, so you'll have to wait another week for the next elimination.

**I. M. Poik:** Good to hear your opinions, as always! I look forward to see if and how they'll change with the coming chapters.

**StayOuttaMyShed:** I'm glad you think i made the right call as far as the alternate storylines. And as for your assessment of who'll be sitting out next season...well, I'll just say that you aren't entirely wrong, but you aren't entirely right either. And as for last episode, you definitely have a point about the focus being too much on Lightning and Amy. It's...well, it's better this week and next, at the very least. That aside, interesting predictions and thanks for the review! And no, I haven't gotten bugged about how much people have been predicting Jo as a finalist.

**Ddynamo:** Thanks for the reviews and analysis! And as for your comment about not liking double eliminations that skip the final three...well, I'll try to keep that in mind for the future, at the very least.

**ThatShyWriter:** Yeah, I suppose I did end up making B's elimination too predictable. I considered switching it with Dawn's, but never came up with an idea for it that I liked. Thanks for the other analysis, but there's nothing I can really comment on right now so I'll just give you my thanks for reviewing again!

**Ali6132:** Hey, congrats on getting an account! I'm glad you liked how both Topher and B turned out this season. As for the coming weeks, you're a bit messed up - this week is the murder mystery, next week is the rock n' roll challenge where Owen returned in canon. And as for what B was about to say in his bonus clip...yeah, you're pretty much right that he was going to at least give his thoughts on what had happened with his elimination. I didn't come up with anything specific, but that's what he was leading up to.

**Star Saber21:** Haha, yeah, it was pretty much the only way to have his whole bonus clip not just be him miming things out. I'm glad you liked what Jo and B did, and you certainly right that Amy is far from the type who deserves to be royalty. I hope you like how this episode turns out!

**80jj:** Hah, yeah, I didn't even think about that. B is so far the only contestant in the Shuffled verse to earn money off the show, even if it was in a non-traditional way. And while Jo and Scarlett would each bring a certain amount of hilarity to being a Princess...I just couldn't picture Jo agreeing to it. Plus I wanted to have Amy shove Lightning off the tower.

The reviews now done, time to recap who remains in the competition:

Girls \- Amy, Jo, Scarlett

Boys \- DJ, Lightning

Pack your bags and brace yourself, because this week's episode is a real mystery!

\- Fangren

* * *

**Episode 20 – Get a Clue**

"Once upon a time, in Total Drama Action," Chris began slowly over the opening shot of the film lot, the standard intro music beginning after a moment. "There was a princess trapped in a tower," he said over a clip of the camera panning up the ivory tower as Chris and the first two losers rolled up on the host's moving platform.

"Well okay," Chris abandoned his soft tone as a close-up was shown of the dressed-up mean girl blowing kiss down from her balcony, "Amy got stashed in some tower set for a couple of hours, but still!" The recap footage flashed over to the original five knights lined up protesting their blinding disguises. "A bunch of knights went to rescue her, and along the way _some_ were lost." DJ was shown slipping on an apple and breaking through the planks of the bridge he was on, and Scarlett faced a similar fate when Chef cut the ropes and she took him down with her.

"Dreams were _crushed_," Jo and B thrust their wooden swords into what they thought was the animatronic monster's weak spot, only for it to get back up soon after. "And a Prince prevailed!" Lightning was shown leaning in to kiss Amy before something interrupted them. **"**_But_," the host continued as Amy shoved the hilt of her boyfriend;s sword into his crotch and he fell off the tower, "it was no fairy tale ending for Princess Amy and Prince Lightning."

"Or was it?" Chris chuckled slyly as bits of the elimination ceremony were replayed. "After all, it was _B_ who lost the tiebreaker and got eliminated, while the rest of them lived happily ever after!" An obviously staged scene of the remaining five contestants smiling and waving at the camera from the amphitheater seats was shown, only for the camera to pull back and reveal t to be a photograph in the host's hands.

"_NOT_!" he said impishly, tearing the photo in two. 'C'mon, this is Total Drama Action! Forget _happily_, we've got fights," he held up a finger, "danger," he held up a second, "_maiming_!" he held up a third. "This time, their might even be _murder_! So keep your eyeballs glued, right here! On another homicidal episode of! Total! Drama! Action!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be...famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be...famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

The episode opened with a shot of the craft services tent, the camera moving forward and cutting inside as Jo said "Breakfast _tacos_ now? Seriously, did Chef forget how to make any breakfast foods that _aren't_ Mexican-themed?"

The five remaining castmates were shown to be begrudgingly eating their meal at the same table, the one closest to the door that the former Screaming Gaffers had previously been using. The two groups remained more-or-less separated, though, with the trio of Amy, Lightning, and Scarlett taking up one end of one side of the table, and Jo and and DJ sitting far opposite them.

As the jock-ette had said, each contestant currently had what looked like a taco shell filled with scrambled eggs in front of them. Jo picked hers up, shrugged, then took a bite, and a second later Lightning copied the motion. Both of them paused in disgust at around the same time.

"Yeah, pretty sure Chef didn't bother gettin' rid of the egg shells when he made these," DJ said while inspecting his own taco and picking out a fleck of white from it.

"Eww, if they think that I'm gonna eat this crud, they've got another thing coming," Amy said brattily, turning her nose up at the taco and pushing her away her plate."

Jo rolled her eyes. "Just shut up and eat already," she grunted before taking another bite, chewing it once, then sticking her tongue out in alarm. Amidst the poorly-prepared eggs was what looked to be a USB flash drive, and the jock-ette quickly picked it off her tongue and held it up. "What the heck?"

"Interesting," Scarlett mused. "I suppose Chef must have run out of old _boots_ to slip into our meals."

"I wonder what's on it?" DJ asked, looking at the drive curiously. "Could be some kinda _dirt_ on Chris or Chef."

Amy snorted. "Maybe, but we don't have any way to _see_. Honestly, am I the only one who thinks about these things?"

She was answered by a sudden hacking cough from Lightning, who quickly pounded on his chest until he spat up a small electronic device.

"A personal digital assistant?" the brainiac said, picking the device up with a napkin and looking at it closely. "Well, the chances of these being intentional plants just skyrocketed." She grabbed the flash drive out of Jo's hand, stuck it into the side of the PDA, and everyone leaned in to watch.

The viewpoint shifted to a close-up of the screen as Scarlett pressed a button and a video began to play. It was, of course, set in the control tent and starring Chris McLean. "I hope you all had a filling breakfast," the grinning host began as the camera cut in even closer. "It was so delish. I was practically on cloud _**nine**_! I could've had a _**dozen**_ of them!"

The shot briefly cut back to Jo and DJ as they exchanged a bewildered look.

"But, enough about breakfast," Chris continued with a bit of laughter. "It's time to _**eighty-six**_ this combination – ah, I mean, conversation!"

"What the heck is he goin' on about?" Lightning asked. "I swear, dude keeps gettin' weirder and weirder."

"Right now I'm gonna relax in a nice _**safe**_ and secure place," the host said, putting his hands behind his head, "and get ready for today's challenge. You're probably wondering what the challenge is," he asked, and the shot cut to Amy and Scarlett. The brainiac was watching with a thoroughly unamused expression, while the cheerleader had narrowed her eyes and was nodding intently.

"It will remain a _mystery_," the host answered, the shot still focused on the girls as they raised their brows, "until you find me. Hopefully you'll _**clue**_ in and track me down, but, in the mean time," he pulled out a can of pop, "I'm gonna _**crack**_ open a soda and relax. See ya!" He opened the can, and the video ended.

"Do we _have_ to go find Chris?" DJ asked. "I kinda want a day off from havin' to deal with him."

Amy snorted with laughter. "As _if_. You just don't wanna lose another challenge to _me_."

"Hey, Lightning don't care if you quit now," the overachiever shrugged. "Lightning's gonna win anyway, what difference does it make if you give up sooner?"

The mean girl chuckled lightly at her boyfriend. "Yeah, I'm _so_ winning this. I already know _exactly_ what he was hinting at with that little speech of his."

"Oh yeah? Prove it," DJ challenged her, arms crossed and a smirk on his face.

"Yeah," Jo echoed, "_enlighten_ us, oh wise woman."

Amy quickly flustered. "O-oh, well...he mentioned a bunch of numbers, right? _Obviously_ those are studios we're supposed to look for clues in. It's probably, like, a _mystery_ movie theme."

"That's not..._quite_ correct," Scarlett told her slowly, causing Jo and DJ to chuckle and Amy to blush slightly in embarrassment.

xxx

"Uggh, I told them the wrong thing on purpose to throw them _off_, duh," she told the confessional camera, arms and legs crossed and looking away from the mirror. "I know what Chris meant. Not that it even matters, I mean _hello_!" She leaned towards the camera and motioned to herself. "_I'm_ the one they let back on the show, _I_ was the Princess last time, so obviously _I'm_ the producer's favorite! The others think they're _so_ much better than me, but they're not."

xxx

"The key is to examine _all_ the words he put extra emphasis on," Scarlett explained to the others. "In addition to the numbers, those words were 'safe', 'clue', and 'crack'. It should be _obvious_ what those words mean," the brainiac said matter-of-factly.

She looked around, and noticed the blank look Lightning was giving her, and the raised eyebrows on DJ, Amy, and Jo. Scarlett groaned in frustration and furrowed her brow. "Crack. Safe," she repeated in a stilted manner. "Cracking a safe. The clue is that we have to crack a safe, and that can only refer to the bank vault set from the bank heist challenge."

"Huh," DJ scratched his chin thoughtfully, "makes sense."

"Really?" Scarlett deadpanned as she stood up and began to walk away. "I hadn't noticed."

"Well, you wouldn't have figured that out if I hadn't told everyone Chris was hinting at something," Amy said as she got up to follow. "So really, I deserve the credit for figuring this out _first_."

"Keep tellin' yourself that, Blondie," Jo said as she and DJ walked past.

Amy growled in frustration. "I'll show _them_ who the smart one is," she grumbled before she noticed Lightning walking past. "You think I'm smart, right?" she asked the uber-jock.

"Huh? Oh, uh, sure," he said distractedly before walking away.

xxx

"Yeah, Lightning ain't too sure what to think about Amy anymore," the jock confessed, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. "He ain't gonna tell her the smart girl's idea was better, though."

xxx

The scene moved over to the bank vault set, the five castmates already assembled.

"Let me guess," Jo told Scarlett as the latter approached the safe on the right, "you've already figured out the combination?"

"Seeing how he _gave it_ to us, I'd be ashamed if I hadn't," Scarlett answered dryly.

Just as she bent down to turn the dial, Amy gasped dramatically. "I know what it is!" she said, rushing forward and shoving Scarlett out of the way. Now on the ground the brainiac rubbed her head and glared at her supposed ally, but was ignored. "First was cloud _nine_," Amy said excitedly before turning the dial, "then a dozen which is, like, _twelve_," she turned the dial again, "and then he was gonna eighty-six the combination!"

She turned the handle, and the vault door began to open. A bright light came from inside that forced DJ to shield his eyes, and the silhouette of Chris McLean slowly came into view. He was wearing a deerstalker hat and carried a doctor's bag in one hand and held a calabash pipe to his mouth in the other.

"I did it!" Amy said, eagerly rushing forward. "I got you out! What's my reward?"

"Hmm," the host replied in a stuffy and vaguely British accent, "I hardly recall mentioning any sort of _reward_." He put then pipe back in his mouth, then coughed. "But thanks for releasing me," he said in his normal voice, "it was getting stuffy in there."

"Umm, are you _smoking_?" Amy asked as the host put the pipe back to his lips.

"What? Oh no, of course not!" the host answered with a grin, tossing the pipe into his mouth and easily chewing it up.

Amy recoiled in shock and disgust. "What?" Chris asked with his mouth still full. "It's _chewing_ tobacco." He pointed at the black mass in his mouth, and the rest of the cast recoiled in even greater disgust.

"Nah, just kidding," he told them jovially. "It's black licorice."

The five teens took another step back in disgust, and DJ even fainted in shock and horror. "Yeah, you're right," Chris said blankly, spitting the licorice out. "That stuff's _disgusting_. Now it's time for mystery movie day!" The shot pulled back as a lightly ponderous tune began in the background.

"I've got a challenge for _each_ of you," he explained. "Tonight, you're to meet me at the train station set."

"We have a _train station_ set?" Jo asked in disbelief as she helped DJ to his feet.

"We have a _lot_ of different sets you guys haven't seen yet," Chris told her irritably. "But first," he continued in his usual hosting demeanor, "I'll require full fingerprints and DNA samples from each competitor. For that, I'd prefer it if you stuck to hair – I do _not_ wanna get anything disgusting from you kids." He gave them all a stern look before continuing. "So, each of the competitors _has_ to gather the evidence from any one of the other competitors." Scarlett, Jo, and DJ looked at him questioningly before nodding and smirking in comprehension. "Which means, it's in _your_ interest to prevent the other guy from getting your detes." Amy was shown smiling and casting a sideways glance at an unaware Lightning.

"Now go pack an overnight bag and get me my clues," Chris told the five.

"Are you _sure_ you don't wanna give me a reward for getting you out?" Amy asked quickly, leaning in close to the host and batting her eyelashes.

"_Yes_," Chris said in annoyance, pushing her away by the face and walking off.

/

The scene flashed over to outside the girls' trailer, the shot lingering on it before cutting inside.

"Grr, I can't _believe_ I didn't get anything from that," Amy growled as she stomped around the room watched by Jo and Scarlett. "It was _my_ idea!"

"Uhh, your idea was to put us on a wild goose chase," Jo corrected. "_Her_ idea," she pointed at Scarlett with her thumb, "was to try the safe. You just pushed her out of the way at the end."

Amy growled again. "Like it matters! Uggh, I'm gonna go find _Lightning_." She stormed out of the trailer, leaving Jo and Scarlett together in a few seconds of awkward silence.

"So," the jock-ette opened slowly, "how about you drop the Princess and her loyal _steed_ already and go solo? You aren't gonna get a better shot at voting one of them out with five of us left in the game."

Scarlett's brow went up for a second, then went back down as she tapped her chin thoughtfully. "An interesting proposition. However," she said with a meaningful glance at Amy's bed, "I'd prefer to discuss it somewhere _else_, if you don't mind."

"I have _just_ the place," Jo smirked.

xxx

"That was _too_ easy!" the jock-ette bragged to the confessional camera.

xxx

"This will make things _much_ simpler," Scarlett confessed, adjusting her glasses before smirking at the camera.

xxx

The footage skipped forward again to show the girls walking towards the communal bathroom. Just as they were about to enter the building, Scarlett silently took a small pair of scissors out of her pocket and quickly snipped off a lock of Jo's hair. Immediately falling to one knee to pick it up, the jock-ette scratched the back of her head then turned around and gave the brainiac a questioning look.

"Sorry, I thought I stepped in something," Scarlett said quickly, raising her left foot to show the other girl.

Jo rolled her eyes, then walked stepped inside the bathroom. She immediately noticed a small bottle of some kind of powder on the edge of the counter and picked it up before Scarlett noticed, then turned around to face the girl. "I know you're not as loyal to Amy as she thinks," Jo said as the brainiac closed the door behind her. "So why not ditch your alliance before she turns on you?"

The viewpoint shifted to, of all places, behind the brainiac and facing the door. Her hands hidden behind her back, she pulled a piece of some kind of paper out of her sleeve and stuck it to the door. "Honestly, I probably will. She and Lightning aren't likely to vote for each other, so I won't be able to get to the finale by staying with them." The camera still focused on her sleeves and the door, Scarlett next pulled out a small spray bottle, similar to a nasal spray, and spritzed it on the paper.

"That's what I wanna hear," Jo smirked, the shot to the hands behind her back as she unscrewed the cap of the bottle of powder. "Oh, and by the way..." she said slowly, a grin forming as Scarlett raised an eyebrow at her. In one swift motion she threw the powder at the brainiac, then grabbed a paper towel as the other girl coughed. Stepping forward, Jo grabbed Scarlett by the wrist and pressed her powdery hand against the paper towel, then plucked a strand of hair out of the girl's bun.

"Looks like _I_ just got one up on you!" the jock-ette taunted, giving the girl a mock salute before pushing the door open and running out.

"...one up indeed," Scarlett said with a dry smirk as walked over to the door and peeled the paper she'd laid down off it. The camera focused in on it as a distinct handprint appeared in blue.

/

A jazzy tune fit for a mystery investigation began to play over a series of clips of the castmates attempting to gather the evidence they required. The focus was first put on Amy, who crept back into the girls' trailer to find herself alone. Smiling devilishly, she grabbed a few bottles of fingernail polish from a drawer and carefully began applying them not to her fingers, but to the top and back of her skirt.

The footage then skipped ahead to her walking out of the trailer and up to Lightning, who was standing around impatiently. After a few moments of cozying up to the jock and batting her eyes flirtatiously, the two began to make-out. Lightning's hands soon moved to her skirt, and Amy threw her arms around his neck. The viewpoint shifted to the athlete's back, revealing a pair of tweezers in the mean girl's hands that quickly plucked out a few short hairs. This caused the boy to break the embrace, and his brow furrowed in confusion as he looked at his hands and saw them painted red.

Amy quickly grabbed him by the wrist and pressed his hand against a sheet of paper, then kissed him on the cheek and ran off. Lightning pursed his lips in annoyance.

/

The background music continued, its highs and lows synchronizing with the events happening between the castmates. The shot briefly lingered on the outside of the craft services tent again, then cut inside to a bucket of blue paint perched precariously above the exit. The camera followed a string attached to the bucket a little ways to the right then down into Lightning's hand, the uber-jock holding a sheet of paper in his other hand as he crouched beneath the tent window.

Through that window he spotted Scarlett walking towards the entrance, and the camera zoomed in on his face as a grin slowly formed. Shutting his eyes, Lightning pulled the string and a mucky sploosh followed shortly thereafter. Gleefully, the boy looked over at the entrance only to have his jaw drop and his eyes go wide.

The camera panned over to show Chef Hatchet, covered in blue paint and glaring at Lightning quite angrily. He took out a rolling pin and waved it menacingly at the jock, Lightning running away in fear and Chef giving chase. The shot lingered on the tent entrance as Scarlett stepped into view, a hand on her hip and a smirk on her face as she watched the off-screen chase.

/

A flash took the scene over to a close-up of one of the top bunks in the guys' trailer. The bed was unmade and messy, and the odd can of protein powder identified it as being Lightning's. It was, however, DJ who suddenly hauled himself into view, hanging on to the edge of the bed by his elbows as he quickly looked around. He smiled when he saw the pillow, then plucked a single hair off it and dropped back down.

/

The footage flashed ahead again, focusing on Lightning as he sat glumly as he prodded a plate of spaghetti with blue sauce with a fork. The shot pulled back to show Scarlett, and Amy at the table eating pasta with normal tomato sauce, and Jo soon sat down opposite the uber-jock and silently laughed at him.

Lightning pursed his lips in annoyance, then slammed his elbow down in a wordless challenge. Jo raised an eyebrow then answered the gesture – the two locked hands, and began to arm wrestle. Neither side seemed to be gaining any steam, but then Lightning grinned and used his free hand to put a tray of blue paint on the table, positioned so Jo's hand would touch it if he beat her. He then renewed his efforts to win the competition, but the jock-ette just gave him an unimpressed look then grabbed his hand with both of hers and slammed it down opposite the pain tray.

"Hey, you cheated!" Lightning cried in outrage, but Jo just shrugged and walked away from the table.

The camera pulled back to show DJ approaching the table with a tray of spaghetti in his hands; he looked back to give questioning look, but then seemed to trip. His plate of sauce-covered pasta went flying and hit Lightning square in the face; the uber-jock quickly wiped it away with his hands and glared at his roommate.

DJ just gave him a sheepish smile, then darted forward and pressed a piece of paper to the uber-jock's sauce-covered hand. He darted back before Lightning could do anything, and then while he was distracted Amy pressed yet another piece of paper to her boyfriend's hand, plucked a few more hairs, then gave him a kiss on the cheek when he turned his glare to her.

/

The jazzy tune faded into a dramatic drumroll as the scene flashed forward again, now placing the five castmates at what would almost look like a legitimate rural train station at night, were it not for the obviously fake mountainous horizon stretching across the background.

A bell was ringing as the camera zoomed in to Chris exiting the station, still in his hat but now carrying a box. As he walked past the contestants with it they each dropped in the evidence they'd managed to gather – first DJ, then Jo, then Scarlett (who received a glare from the jock-ette), then a pause in front of Lightning. "This game was _rigged_," the uber-jock declared, crossing his arms and looking away as the host moved on.

"Aren't you gonna tell everyone how much better I did than everyone else?" Amy asked as she held up two separate bags.

"Considering you got them both from _Lightning_," Chris told her, "who unless I'm mistaken is your _boyfriend_, I don't think you have much cause to brag."

"But," Amy spluttered, "but I got twice as much evidence as the _rest_ of them! I _won_! You should be giving me my _reward_ right now!"

"Yeah, no, still not time for reward," Chris told her, the annoyance rising in his voice. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a _job_ to do." He walked the box of evidence over to a waiting train, but Amy just kept following him.

"Okay, I get that you don't want me to overshadow the _rest_ of them," she hissed, "but between figuring out the clues and getting two sets of evidence, I think it's time I got a _prize_."

"Amy," Chris said forcefully, placing his box next to his medicine bag and turning around to face the cheerleader, "you're _seriously_ annoying me right now. So just shut up, and get on the train."

Amy looked absolutely taken aback by the order, but glared and stomped past the host. "Umm, I haven't said 'All aboard' yet!" the host interrupted, stopping the girl before she got more than a couple steps.

They glared at each other, then Chris turned his head and grinned. "All aboard!" he called jovially, cupping his hands around his mouth. The train whistle was shown blowing, and with a few puffs of steam and a dramatic background score, the wheels began to move. A cloud of dust filled the screen, and served to transition the scene.

/

The dust settled, showing the inside of a train compartment with Amy seated at a table with Lightning and Chris walking towards her. He set his bag down on the table, then grabbed the girl by the wrist.

"Whoa, hey!" Amy protested as the host rolled her palm with ink and pressed a piece of paper to it. "Umm, what is _this_ about?"

"Regulation to ride the train, ma'am," Chris told her with a formal tone. The camera cut over to the over to one side of the room, showing Jo and DJ sitting across from each other by a doorway. Chef entered the room wheeling a cart full of sweets, meeting Chris in front of Amy and Lightning's booth. "Welcome aboard the 7:30 to _Funville_," the host announced as a dramatic bit of stock music began to play. "Let the _party_ begin!"

"Party?" DJ echoed in disbelief, looking around the room as the host came over and acquired his fingerprints without resistance. "We're havin' a _party_?!"

"For _all_ of us?" Jo added suspiciously. "What's the catch?"

"Who cares," Lightning said as he and his girlfriend looked eagerly at the food cart that had been parked in front of them, "let's dig in!"

"This _almost_ makes up for not getting anything earlier," Amy added as she picked up a cupcake loaded with frosting. The two began to eat, then Amy looked over at Scarlett who was at a booth by herself. "What, aren't you hungry?" she asked the brainiac, her own fingers now covered with pink frosting.

"...not particularly," Scarlett replied after a moment's pause. "And at any rate I'd rather moderate my intake of sugary foods."

Amy shrugged. "More for us then." DJ and Jo hesitantly walked over to the cart as well, but just then the lights inside the car flickered and shut off. The telltale sound of a pop can being opened was heard.

"Wh-what happened to the lights?!" DJ cried after the music spiked dramatically.

"Umm, you can't kill the _host_!" Chris shouted in a panic, and the sounds of a violent scuffle ensued.

The lights flickered back on moments later, and DJ looked around and smiled. "That's better," he said. "But what was that about-"

"Chris is sha-_dead_!" Lightning interrupted loudly to another dramatic spike in the music, pointing a frosting-tipped finger of his own down at the floor. The camera quick-panned to follow, revealing what appeared to be the corpse of Chris McLean.

"Oh em gee, really?" Amy asked in shock.

"Yeah, _really_," Jo answered dryly, crouching forward and checking the body's pulse. "The guy's a goner," she said letting go of the limp wrist.

"But he _can't_ be!" DJ cried, curling up into the fetal position. "He can't just _die_ like that and leave us here!"

"If you'd like, I could try to resuscitate him," Scarlett suggested, taking a couple steps towards with an odd smirk on her face.

"Since when do _you_ know CPR?" Jo asked skeptically.

Scarlett adjusted her glasses and frowned. "I happen to know _several_ techniques to potentially save lives," the brainiac informed. "I just haven't had need to use them on the show until now. Now step aside, please." She knelt down by the body, pump on its chest a few times with both hands, then with a faint smirk she began the artificial respiration.

After a few repetitions as the other four watched nervously, Scarlett got up on her knees and frowned. "It's no use," she said grimly, "he's not responding."

"Umm...what do we do now?" Amy asked hesitantly, fear visible on her face as the music built up. Close-up shots followed of Lightning, Jo, DJ, and Scarlett all looking nervous, disturbed, or scared, and the scene faded to black.

(Fade to Commercial and Back)

A few close-ups of the train in motion and its whistle blowing were shown before the scene cut back inside to Chris' corpse.

"I want my Momma!" DJ shrieked as he ran back and forth across the room, arms flailing and tears streaming from his eye.

"Okay. Okay." Amy repeated, fanning herself as she started breathing faster and faster. "This is like, oh em gee, this _can't_ be happening right now."

"What the heck are we supposed to sha-_do_?" Lightning asked nobody in particular, holding the sides of his head as cast a wide-eyed stare at a wall. "The _dude_ is sha-_dead_! And if there's no _host_, then there's no _show_, and if there's no _show_, then how can Lightning win the sha-million dollars?"

"Would the rest of you just _cool_ it for a minute?" Jo yelled, instantly gaining the attention of Amy and Lightning. She then stuck an arm out and grabbed DJ as he ran past, then gave him a stiff glare that he responded to with a sheepish grin. "We aren't gonna figure anything out with you guys acting like a bunch of headless chickens. And what's _your_ deal?" she asked, the camera panning over to Scarlett to show her acting strangely calm.

The brainiac quickly noticed the looks she was getting and coughed. "Oh, nothing," she said dismissively. "I'm just not one to panic in this type of situation.'

"...rrright...," Jo said suspiciously.

xxx

"That girl's _up_ to something," Jo told the confessional camera. "Either she's the one who killed McLean, or she knows more than she's letting on." She paused a moment, her expression becoming blank. "Okay, I kinda meant the Scarlett being the killer thing as a joke," she admitted, "but I can almost see her actually doing it."

xxx

"For the record," Scarlett began her confessional with a smirk, "the 'corpse' of our dearly departed host is a fake. I'm fairly certain it's made of some kind of rubber," she added as a brief aside, tapping her chin thoughtfully and quickly looking away from the camera, "but that really doesn't matter. What _does_ matter is that the others somehow haven't noticed it yet."

She folded her hands together on the countertop. "At first I thought they were just going along with the farce, but all of their behavior so far is more consistent with the hypothesis that they aren't. And given that this is almost certainly a _challenge_, that gives me the upper hand. All I have to do _now_ is figure out what the goal of the challenge is while playing along with the others. I don't expect it to be too difficult."

xxx

"At any rate," Scarlett told the others, "we should probably alert whoever else is on the train that Chris is dead. There's a phone by the door, could one of you contact the engineer?"

"If it'll help get us outta this mess, then sure," DJ volunteered. The footage skipped forward to him jogging over to a phone box mounted by the door; he picked up the phone and with a quivering voice said "Hello? Is anybody there?" His eyes went wide at a dramatic spike in the music, and he hung up the phone and turned around to face the others. "Nobody's answering!" he cried out in alarm.

Amy gasped. "Maybe whoever killed _Chris_ cut the phone line!"

Jo palmed her face. "Seriously, am I the _only one_ who's considered that this is just a hoax?"

"But you felt the body _yourself_," Amy said.

"Like I know what a _dead body_ is supposed to feel like," the jock-ette countered. "I just...made a mistake, is all."

"Well unlike you, _I_ know how to tell the difference between a corpse and a living body," Scarlett countered. "Unless you'd like to say there's something _I_ missed as well."

"Maybe there is!" Jo said, walking over to the body. "Hey McLean," she yelled at it, "you have until the count of three to get up or I'm crushing your _kiwis_!" The eyes of both Lightning and DJ went wide. "One! Two! _Three_!" There was no movement from the body, so Jo frowned and stomped down hard and repeatedly on the groin of Chris McLean. All four other competitors winced in pain, but there was still no response.

"Huh," Jo said blankly. "Either he's wearing the greatest cup ever made, or I just castrated a cadaver."

"M-maybe this _is_ just a hoax," DJ spoke up nervously. "I mean, this isn't the first time Chris has punked us, right? For all we know this isn't even a real train!"

xxx

"Look," DJ confessed, "I just don't wanna deal with a murder, okay? It's not like I _liked_ Chris or anything, _none_ of us did. But havin' to deal with him _dyin_' all of a sudden is like a 12 on the freaky scale. You can't blame a brother for bein' in denial about it."

xxx

"Huh," Jo said with a thoughtful chin-stroke, "good point."

"And fairly easy to check, too," Scarlett spoke up. "One of us just needs to go out the ceiling hatch," the shot followed her finger up to the hatch she spoke of, "and have a look around. If this _is_ just a set, then go find someone and get them to let us out."

"Simple enough," the jock-ette said with her gaze locked upwards. "And as the toughest one here, I'll even volunteer."

"Hey!" Lightning immediately spoke up. "Lightning's _three_ times as tough as you. Wait, no, make that _four_ times!"

"Umm, you're staying _right here_," Amy interrupted in a demanding voice, grabbing the uber-jock by his arm. "I need someone to protect me in case the murderer comes back."

Scarlett got both of their attention by clearing her throat. "Incidentally, if you'd like to help you can do so by outlining the body in the lipstick I can only assume you packed."

Amy stared at her blankly, then the two girls furrowed their brows at the same time. "Yeah, I'm not going _near_ that thing. You do it, Scarlett." She took out a stick of lipstick and handed it to the brainiac, who swiped it away without a word.

"You may as well get going," she told Jo after kneeling down and starting the outline. The jock-ette looked up at the ceiling hatch again and cracked her knuckles.

/

The scene flashed outside, more dramatic music playing as the shot lingered on the smoke billowing back over the two passenger cars from the smokestack of the locomotive. Panning down, Jo was shown standing on top of the rear car looking wind-blown and nervous.

"This was a _bad_ idea," she commented as she struggled to maintain her balance. She shot a wary eye forward and saw a tunnel fast approaching, then gasped and ducked down to hug the top of the train. "Let me back in already!" she shouted, banging frantically on the hatch.

/

The scene cut to the four other castmates watching the ceiling hatch as they heard a nasty-sounding bang and an angry groan from Jo. The lights flickered and shut off again, and DJ screamed.

"Who keeps turning out the lights?!" Amy asked in alarm.

"This ain't good, y'all!" Lightning exclaimed.

"We're all gonna die!" DJ cried.

The lights flickered back on, and the gentle giant was shown to be on the floor in the fetal position again. A rumbling from above got the other three's attention, and moments later Jo fell through the hatch. She landed head-first next to DJ, startling the brickhouse and making him jump back a couple feet.

"Yeah, this train is as real as anything," the roughed-up jock-ette informed the others. "And that is the _only_ time I'm going on top a moving one."

Amy gasped. "If the train is _real_, then that means we're stuck here!" she said in alarm before gasping again even louder. "And _that_ means we're trapped in here with whoever killed Chris!"

"You gotta be _kiddin_' me!" DJ cried.

"That ain't the only problem we got," Lightning added in alarm as the music rose dramatically, "Chris' body's up and disappeared!" He pointed dramatically to the spot where the host's body had been, the pink lipstick outline still visibly untouched on the floor. Lightning, Amy, and DJ screamed again.

"What," Jo said in disbelief. "Since when do _dead bodies_ just get up and walk away?" She paused a moment, then her face fell into annoyance. "Wow. He's been gone for weeks and I _still_ heard Shawn's paranoid shrieking in my head just now."

Just then, Amy gasped again. "Oh em gee, what if the _killer_ took the body away when the lights went out?!"

"Wait, the lights went out again?" Jo muttered in confusion.

"Why the heck would the killer do _that_?" DJ asked.

"Presumably to hide evidence that was on the body," Scarlett spoke up quickly, taking a magnifying glass out of the bag Chris had left behind. She quickly looked it over, then said "We don't have much time. We need to be absolutely certain of what happened to Chris, and then subdue any culprits there may be." She took a few steps around the room, examining parts of the furniture with the magnifying glass before kneeling down by the outline on the floor. She raised her eyes at something just off-camera, then stood back up to address the others.

"Lightning, could you please check the other car?" she asked the overachiever. "It's possible that Chris is in there, in a manner of speaking."

"Sha-Lightning don't like bein' ordered around," he answered, "but if it means clearin' up this mess he'll do it."

"Umm, no?" Amy interrupted with a glare. "I don't want you leaving me alone with the rest of them."

"Then why don't you go with him?" Scarlett suggested. "You'll both be safer that way, and you can keep an eye on one another."

The mean girl scowled, then rolled her eyes. "Fine, I'll go." Grabbing Lightning by the wrist, the two walked over to the doorway and left the car.

As soon as the door creaked shut, Scarlett turned to the other two. "Now that they're temporarily distracted, I feel I should show you all what I found on the ground near where the body was." She pulled something out from behind her back, the camera zooming in on it with a dramatic riff and revealing that it was a long blonde hair.

DJ gasped. "Is that one of _Amy's_?"

The brainiac nodded. "Seeing how she _refused_ to draw the outline, there's no reason for this to be where I found it."

"And since she's been pretty mad at Chris, you think Amy's the one who killed him?!" the brickhouse asked in shock and alarm.

Scarlett nodded again. "Correct. Although she probably had Lightning's help, since I doubt she could have moved a corpse on her own."

"Seriously?!" DJ said in shock. "If you're right, they could be plottin' to kill us right now!"

/

The shot quick-panned to the other car, identical to the other, as Amy and Lightning searched through it. "Well _this_ was a waste of time," the cheerleader said after a few moments with no results. "The murderer probably just jumped off the train."

"Guess we'd better go tell the others," Lightning said, making a beeline for the door before Amy put an arm out to stop him.

"Hold it, mister," Amy told him. "Before we go back, I want you to think about splitting the money with me again."

"You still on about that?" Lightning asked in annoyance, lifting the girl's arm out of the way. "I already told you, I ain't gonna do it!"

"But it's, like, twice the chance of winning something!" Amy hissed as the jock walked past.

Lightning paused and gave her an odd look over his shoulder. "What does Lightning need that for when his chance of winnin' is _already_ 100%?"

Amy growled lightly as he left the car.

/

The scene moved back to the other car as Scarlett, Jo, and DJ stood close together and watched the door warily.

"So we're all clear on the plan?" the brainiac asked. The other two nodded – DJ looking troubled, and Jo looking skeptical.

Just then, they heard the door open. They turned their heads and the camera panned right just as Lightning stepped into the room, annoyance on his face. "Sha-yeah, that car's as empty as a swimmin' pool in the winter," he told the others.

The camera focused on DJ as he smiled awkwardly for a few seconds, then got elbowed in the gut by Jo. "Oh, really? What a shame," he told the jock in an obviously nervous and stilted fashion. He walked over to Lightning and put a hand on his shoulder, directing him away from the door. "We've been thinkin' that maybe the murderer jumped off," DJ explained, "so why don't you just relax and have somethin' to eat?"

"Uhh, okay...," Lightning answered, eying the brickhouse suspiciously but allowing himself to be lead to the food cart. Scarlett and Jo watched them for a bit, then moved their gaze back to the door – and Jo even walking up to it.

"So," Amy said snottily as she entered the room, "_genius_ that I am, I decided to check the door to the engine. But for _some_ reason," she glared back over her shoulder, "it's locked."

"Maybe it is, maybe it isn't," Jo told her gruffly, walking up to the other girl with her hands behind her back. "I'll check it for myself, but first...," she suddenly sprung forward, taking a pair of open handcuffs out from behind her back and closing one end around Amy's left wrist.

"What-hey!" the cheerleader cried in protest as the jock-ette dragged her over to the wall and closed the other end of the cuffs around a coat bar. "Hey, you can't _do_ this to me! I demand you let me go right this instant!"

Across the room, Lightning immediately dropped the cookie he'd been about to eat and stood up in outrage. "Now what the heck do y'all sha-think y'all doin'?"

"Booking your _girlfriend_ on suspicion of killing Chris," Jo answered.

"WHAT?!" Lightning and Amy cried at the same time.

The uber-jock tried to move back towards the chained-up cheerleader, but soon found DJ standing in his way. "Sorry dude," the gentle giant said, "but Scarlett found one of Amy's hairs by where the body used to be. Plus she has a motive."

"That hair doesn't prove anything!" Amy protested. "_Obviously_ someone put it there to frame me!"

"Perhaps," Scarlett said with a faint smirk, "but we can't afford to take chances. Be glad we didn't decide to arrest _Lightning_ as well."

"Why the heck would you arrest sha-Lightning?!" the athlete asked in shock and outrage.

"As an accomplice," Scarlett answered plainly. "Amy was unlikely to be able to commit the deed and move the body by herself, and you were the only logical choice to assist her."

"But Lightning did nothin' _like_ that!" the over-achiever argued.

"Then prove it," Scarlett countered. "Feel free to look around and find something I've overlooked."

Lightning crossed his arms and scowled. "Hold up, how do we know _you_ aren't just tryin' to set us all up?"

Scarlett furrowed her brow and opened her mouth, but Jo spoke up first. "Yeah, I've been thinking that too. If anything, you're just as suspicious as Inmate Barbie over there," she motioned with her thumb to Amy.

"Hey! You take that back!" the cheerleader exclaimed.

"Maybe even _more_," Jo continued without missing a beat. "You're the one who checked the body, you're the only one who's been searching for evidence, and you're the one who found the hair. You could've rigged everything up for Amy to take the fall!"

"I...I..," Scarlett flustered before forcibly regaining her composure. "In that case, what about _you_? You were the only one unaccounted for when the body was moved, for all we know you could have done it yourself!"

"Plus, we all know how much you hate Chris," Lightning added.

"We _all_ hate Chris!" Jo countered, throwing her arms up in frustration. "And I was on top of the train, remember?"

"So you _say_," Lightning replied haughtily, crossing his arms and glaring fiercely at the jock-ette. "As far as Lightning is concerned, the only one of you who ain't suspicious is DJ," he pointed at the brickhouse who reacted with surprise. "And that's only sha-cause the dude couldn't kill a _fly_, much less a _dude_."

"Well _I_ think we all need to calm down," DJ spoke up, his voice quivering. "Maybe if we all just stay here," he paused and gulped, "and take another look around, we'll find some more clues?"

"Sounds good to me," Jo said gruffly, still glaring at Scarlett and Lightning. "That is, as long as the _Inspector_ didn't already swipe them."

"I'll have you know I left everything untouched," the brainiac replied matter-of-factly.

xxx

"Although in retrospect," she deadpanned to the camera, "that wasn't the _wisest_ choice from a strategic standpoint."

xxx

The same jazzy sort of investigatory tune used earlier in the episode made a reprise, now set to a montage of Scarlett, Jo, DJ, and Lightning searching the train car for clues. The overachiever was first, picking up a discarded napkin from near the lipstick outline, pinching it between both hands, and smiling confidently at it.

Second was DJ, who bent down and picked up a dented pop can lying on its side underneath one of the seats. With an inquisitive look he shook it, and looked surprised when he heard liquid still inside it. After that came Jo, who squatted down near the door, rubbed a finger on the floor, then looked at that fingertip suspiciously. Amy kicked her in the leg, then stuck her tongue out when Jo scowled at her.

Fourth and final was Scarlett, who used her magnifying glass to inspect the food cart again. She peered closely at something, then grabbed a bag of powdered sugar from the cart's bottom shelf and poured a bit onto it.

/

The jazzy tune came to an end, and the four investigators grouped together in the middle of the car.

"Well then, let's see what we've got," Jo said. "Scarlett Holmes, you're up."

The brainiac's face fell into an annoyed expression. "Unfortunately, all I was able to determine was the location of four sets of fingerprints on the snack cart, which I've already identified and labeled." The camera quick-panned over to the cart, showing cartoonish pictures of Amy, Lightning, Jo, and DJ stuck around the edge.

"Well Lightning found _this_," the uber-jock said dramatically before holding up the napkin he'd found. "Based on how it was bein' held," Lightning demonstrated using the same two-handed pinch as earlier, "Lightning thinks it was the murder weapon. More importantly, it proves that Lightning and Amy could _not_ have killed Chris, 'cause their fingers were covered in frosting at the time, and this napkin _clearly_ is not. Lightning rests his case."

The others stared blankly at him for a second before Jo spoke up. "Okay, the killer napkin thing aside, Jockstrap has a point – him and Amy had sticky fingers when Chris was offed, so unless we find frosting somewhere else they're off the hook. As for _my_ findings," she pointed to herself, then back over her shoulder. "I'm pretty sure our killer stepped in some spilled _pop_ or something, there's sticky blotches on the floor leading away from where McLean died."

"Huh, that makes sense," DJ said, holding up the dented pop can he found. "I found this under one of the seats. I'm guessin' the killer used it to kill Chris, then dropped it. He stepped in some of it, and the can rolled under the seat."

"And since it doesn't have _frosting_ on it," Jo said, taking a closer look at the can and tapping her chin, "I guess our first suspect is off the hook."

"Yeah, that's what I was thinkin'," DJ said with a nod as he walked over to the food cart, interrupting Scarlett before she could speak and visibly annoying the girl. "Let's see who coulda taken it." He smiled and looked down at the cart, the viewpoint shifting to show the different images Scarlett had placed on it and their relative locations. Amy's and Lightning's were on a tray of cupcakes; Jo had grabbed onto the edge of the cart but apparently hadn't touched anything else, and next to a six-pack-minus-one of the same brand of soda as the alleged murder weapon was...

"_Me_?!" DJ squeaked in alarm. "_I'm_ the killer?!"

"Shoulda known, it's always the one you least suspect," Jo said as Scarlett groaned and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"What are you all _waiting_ for," Amy shouted, "let _me_ go and handcuff _him_!"

"W-wait," DJ stammered as Jo and Lightning advanced on him, forcing him back towards the door, "it was a mistake! An accident, I swear!"

With a sudden and familiar laugh, the door slammed open and all five teens locked their attention on it. "Oh! I really had you guys!" Chris said as he walked in, very much alive and very much dragging his own 'corpse'. "I look good in rubber, don't you think?" he held up the fake body for them to see. "Cracker jack special effects, dudes," he said to the camera, giving a thumbs up.

"I _knew_ something seemed off about that body!" Jo said with a smirk as DJ wiped his brow in relief.

"Sha-dang, dude, where did you get this?" Lightning said in awe as he felt the rubber double.

"I just threatened to quit my hosting job _unless_ they give me an extra-big budget to psyche you kids out," Chris explained jovially.

"For the record," Scarlett finally spoke up, "I'd like it to be known that I wasn't fooled for a second. I only played along in hopes of keeping the rest of you from figuring out we were in another challenge."

"Nonetheless!" Chris said, turning around and walking away from her and Jo. "The winner of today's _reward_ challenge is the person who figured out _whodunnit_." He walked up to a stunned-looking DJ, still dragging the fake corpse behind him. "DJ! Who was also the criminal, oddly enough." He raised the gentle giant's arm up, and DJ grinned.

"So I suppose controlling the challenge for most of it's course means nothing?" Scarlett asked dryly.

"Nope," Chris answered with a smile. "And before _Amy_ says anything," he gave the locked-up girl a pointed look, "the rest of the stuff before you got on the train doesn't count either."

"Hmph," Amy sniffed, looking away with a pout.

"The reward that DJ will be enjoying tonight is a night at the movies with a friend of his choice," the host explained over the winner's grin and a victorious tune rising in the background.

"The movies? Sweet! And I know just who to take, too," DJ said before walking forward. Jo was shown in a close-up smirking expectantly, but that expression changed to mild confusion when her ally walked right past her.

It was Lightning who DJ was approaching. "Dude, I know we've had our differences," the brickhouse told his confused roommate, "but I think it's _high_ time we had some _guy_ time, ya know what I'm sayin'?" He grinned, Lightning grinned, and the two bumped fists.

The shot immediately cut to Amy, still cuffed to the wall and now pouting furiously.

/

The scene skipped ahead to night, a long-distance shot of the unlit amphitheater showing that a screen had been set up and a movie projected onto it from the guardrail by the Walk of Shame. What looked to be a zombified version of one of the show's many interns shambled across the movie screen, and Lightning and DJ could just be made out watching from the bleachers.

The shot cut closer, revealing none other than Chris McLean sharing the screen with the zombie, the full moon illuminating the night scene. "It's not _bad_minton," he said, dressed in the uniform and wielding the racquet traditional to the sport, "it's _good_minton!" He knocked the first zombie down, only for a second – also looking suspiciously like one of the interns – attacked from another angle. "Heck, it's _great_minton!" He chopped the head off the second zombie, and the camera cut away from the flickering screen.

"Why the heck didn't Chris tell us that 'Shuttlecock Under' was so _scary_?!" DJ cried, his head ducked under his arms and his legs tucked up protectively.

"Dude, would you chill for a second?" Lightning said as he munched on a bag of popcorn, not taking his eyes off the movie. "Lightning's tryin' to watch this!"

xxx

"Okay, so maybe Lightning _wasn't_ the best choice for movie night," DJ admitted to the confessional camera. "But I gotta try to get on his good side so he'll dump Amy once and for all! Plus," he smirked secretively, "palin' around with him is gonna mess with her head _big time_."

xxx

"Lightning _better_ not be getting chummy with _Samey's boyfriend_!" Amy growled in front of the confessional mirror.

xxx

"Ehh, I don't blame DJ for taking Lightning over me," Jo confessed nonchalantly. "The _last_ thing I need is for people to think he has a _third_ girl making eyes at him. Plus," she broke out into an impish smirk, "let's just say Amy's not been taking the _separation_ all too well."

xxx

"I _swear_," Amy ranted in her continued confessional, "after _rejecting_ my idea earlier, Lightning had better not be thinking that he's better off _without_ me." She paused to take a deep, shuddering breath. "Because he _so_. _Is_. _NOT_!" She stifled a scream, and slammed her fists onto the countertop.

xxx

The scene flashed over to Chris, now eating popcorn in the amphitheater bleachers but apparently not alone. "I gotta tell ya," he said as a touching song began to play in the background, "it's great to be able to share some quality time with someone who _really_ gets me." He tossed a handful into his mouth, then offered the bag to whoever was sitting to his left. "Popcorn? No? Really though," he moved the bag back to his lap, "it's a relief to be with someone I actually _like_."

The shot pulled back slightly, revealing that he'd been speaking to his rubber duplicate the whole time. "And you've got the most _adorable_ nose," he told the dummy, poking it on the nose. This caused the head to flop backwards, which in turn unbalanced the whole thing and caused it to fall over. It was only then that Chris noticed the camera on him.

"Oh!" he laughed awkwardly. "H-hey! You're...here! Err, well, umm," the dramatic ending theme began to play, "tune in next time for more movie madness on Total! Drama! Action!" The fallen dummy was still visible even as the shot zoomed out.

(Fade to Credits)

* * *

**Author's Note - Post Script**

Something about this episode feels off since Harold's not around to add his personal over-the-top touch to the drama. I do think it turned out well all things considered, but it just isn't the same without Harold.

Also, while writing this it almost seemed like more of a horror movie than a murder mystery. Probably because it's a train full of (mostly) scared teenagers that (mostly) think someone was just murdered.

The cast took things more seriously overall than in canon, with Jo willing to try and figure the murder thing out and Scarlett deliberately keeping the truth from people. Her scheme ended up backfiring, of course, since she didn't recognize the need to stay in utter control of the conversation. And as such, DJ ended up accidentally proving himself the murderer. I hope none of you are mad about that, by the way. I just didn't want this challenge to go the same way as in canon - thus no cheesy fingers or killer napkin.

Let me know what you think like usual! And holy crap, I only have five more episodes to write to finish off the season proper, and then the double-length special to bridge into World Tour...wow. Time sure does fly, but there's still so much more to do before the finale.

Well, it'll turn out well in the end. See you all next week!

\- Fangren

* * *

**Appendix: TSA Eliminated Contestants**

Geoff - (Tied for 15th Place)

Bridgette - (Tied for 15th Place)

Shawn - (14th Place)

Alejandro - (13th Place)

Sierra - (12th Place)

Beardo - (11th Place)

Topher - (10th Place)

Sammy - (9th Place)

Beth - (8th Place)

Dawn - (7th Place)

B - (6th Place)


	21. Chapter 21 - Rock n' Rule

**Author's Note**

I'm super excited to present this chapter to you all today. I really liked how it turned out, as I said last week, and I think it really does a good job of setting off the 'beginning of the end' of the season. And next week's episode is pretty good as well, and the final reward challenge of the season too.

But right now, there are reviews to address.

**StayOuttaMyShed:** Hmm...well...you'll probably get what I meant by that comment by the end of the episode, but I will explain it in the Post Script. And yeah, Harold and Lindsay really made this season in canon, and it's pretty disappointing that neither made it further. Oh, and how DJ supposedly killed Chris? Well, the 'murderer' story is that DJ bashed Chris to death with the pop can then dragged him off. What _actually_ happened is that DJ freaked when the lights went out and accidentally threw the can at Chris. My apologies for not making what happened a little clearer.

**bruno14:** Hey, don't worry about it! And yeah, I figured DJ's win would be shocking since it was such an odd end to the challenge. But I think it works well overall.

**acosta perez jose ramiro:** Thanks as always for the review!

**White Weasel:** Thanks so much! I'm glad you've enjoyed how I'm writing the last few contestants. I've been doing my best to stay true to their characters while still exploring what can be done with them, and of course keeping a good level of humor throughout the whole thing. It's always nice to hear that people are liking my efforts.

**Ali6132:** Haha, yeah. The zombies in the badminton movie really did come out of nowhere, but I guess that makes the thing all the more interesting. As for what Scarlett's doing...well, you'll find out soon enough.

**RedHornedUnicowz:** Thank you! I'm glad you liked it, especially the plot twists I include that are different from canon as I've been trying to diverge the stories a bit more from their counterparts. And as for the legality of watching what is technically stolen property online...I'm fairly certain it's completely legal to watch, but if you try to, say, rehost it yourself you'd at least get a copyright violation/take-down notice or something. At least that's how i think it works, I'm no legal expert.

**Guest #1:** Yeah, Harold really made that episode in canon. And I'm sorry to hear you didn't like DJ winning the last reward; I hope you like this chapter better. As for The Ridonculous Race, I can say that the chances of me covering that series in the Shuffled universe are extremely low. There's so few returning characters that I just don't think the differences in my AU would be enough to majorly change The Ridonculous Race.

**Guest #2:** Well, thanks for letting me know!

**Knifez:** Huh, interesting...well, at the very least I'm glad you were honest about that. I don't really know what I can do to change things for the rest of the series, but at least I'm aware that it might be something to work on now. Other than that, I'm glad you liked last chapter. Not much else to say right now other than thanks.

**POPGoesDaWeasel:** Umm, I'm not really sure how you got Jo mixed up with Amy, but whatever... And to be fair, nobody noticed it in canon either. Scarlett at least figured out it was a fake, and it's not like anybody else knows what a dead body looks like.

**FOWLKON:** Your memory of the canon episode is a little off - Lindsay didn't use the cheese dust for fingerprints, she just noticed it on a napkin and realized that only Courtney could have left them, making her the killer. Also, the scene with Chris and his double at the end was in the canon episode as well. Other than that, though, I'm glad you enjoyed the episode, and I hope you like what happens next!

**OMAC001:** Haha, thanks. I'm still a little uncertain about how I handled things last time, but it's good to know that some people prefer my version.

**Ddynamo:** On the plus side to not having Harold around this season, it means I get to have fun with him in other ways. And I'm certainly glad you felt Scarlett and DJ made up for his absence. The finale is drawing ever closer, and I'm interested to see if and how any predictions change before then.

**Invader Cole:** No worries, no worries. I'm glad you liked the episode even though it felt different, and I hope you like the rest of the season as well. It's really getting close to the time where finale predictions will be thoroughly tested...

**Star Saber21:** Good to know I can still nail the humor! With a series like this, it's important to maintain a certain level of comedy I think. Anyway, thanks as always for the review, and I look forward to hearing what you and other have to say about this chapter.

Those taken care of, it's time for the weekly remidner of the ever-dwindling number of contestants:

Girls \- Amy, Jo, Scarlett

Boys \- DJ, Lightning

By the end of the episode, one name will be stricken from this list. Who will it be? Keep reading to find out, and enjoy.

\- Fangren

* * *

**Episode 21 – Rock n' Rule**

"Last time, on Total Drama Action!" The opening scene immediately flashed from the long-distance shot of the film lot to the jock-ette biting into a breakfast taco then taking an egg-covered USB flash drive off her tongue. "Jo took a big bite of 'Who dunnit?' in our _most_ mysterious episode yet! After the contestants cracked the code of Chris' mysterious message," Scarlett stuck the flash drive into an equally egg-covered PDA and the cast gathered round to view the video left by their host, "they _stealthily_ had to fetch prints and DNA from each other." Amy opened the bank vault with a grin, then the footage cut forward to Jo and Scarlett sneakily obtaining the required materials from one another.

"A party reward on a train quickly turned into a hunt for my murderer." Chef was shown wheeling out the food cart, then the lights flickered off just as the cast approached the snacks. They came back on shortly, and Lightning pointed in horror at Chris 'dead body'. "Somehow, it was _DJ_ who was declared Sherlock-iest of them all," the brickhouse's hapless discovery that he himself had been the 'killer' was replayed in part, "annoying Scarlett," the brainaic was shown pinching the bridge of her nose, "and _infuriating_ Amy when he invited Lightning for some guy time at the movies." DJ was shown choosing the uber-jock to share his reward, and part of Amy's ranting confessional was shown. "Even though it turned out to be _horribly_ awkward." The movie night was shown, with Lightning acting mildly annoyed by DJ's frightened cowering.

"Will Amy plot some _evil_ revenge?" The recap ended on a still shot of a large screen set up by the amphitheater, currently showing a glowering Amy against a pinkish background. "Or will _DJ_ finally bring her world down around her?" The mean girl's picture slid away, and was replaced by a sheepishly smiling and waving DJ against a light blue background. "Am _I_ even cooler now that I'm alive again?" Chris asked as the camera cut to him eating popcorn with his rubber double. "Find out," his enthusiastic gestures accidentally knocked the dummy over, "on this episode of!" The scene flashed away again, now showing the host standing at his usual spot outside the cast trailers. "Total! Drama! _Action_!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be...famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be...famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

The episode opened with a shot of the sky, a small flock of birds flying off into the distance before the camera panned down to male deer grazing in a grassy field. Somewhere off-screen somebody began to whistle a jaunty but slightly off-beat tune, attracting the deer's attention. It was joined by a couple chipmunks poking their heads up from behind a rock and a large tuft of grass, but the animals soon lost interest and darted away.

The scene quick-panned over to the area outside the communal bathrooms as the door slammed open, scaring another male deer off. The whistler revealed herself as Jo when the jock-ette strolled outside, her hair soaking wet and wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around her body. She continued to whistle proudly as she strutted along all the way back to her trailer, bursting inside and immediately attracting the attention of her roommates.

"You're in an unusually good mood this morning," Scarlett commented as she put the finishing touches on her bun. The camera panned over to the jock-ette, and the brainiac's gaze followed.

"What can I say?" Jo shrugged, grabbing another towel and quickly rubbed her hair dry. "I just had a good night's sleep for once."

"I don't know _how_," Amy said snidely as she applied mascara in front of the room's mirror, Scarlett's eyes following the camera as it moved back across the room. "I know if _I_ were you, I'd be worried about Lightning turning DJ against you. You _know_ how guys are."

Jo snorted, the camera focused on her head as she pulled her sweatshirt on. "Sure. That's why _you_ stayed up all last night trying to convince yourself the big guy wasn't gonna take you precious boy-toy away."

"WHAT?" Amy shrieked in outrage. "I'll have you know that Lightning would _never_ turn on me! He's in _love_ with me," her rage quickly melted into a dark smile, "which is more than anyone will ever say about _you_."

Jo pursed her lips and scowled, the camera pulling back to show her fully clothed. "Oh hey, take shots at the tough girl for not having a boyfriend. _Real_ original." She rolled her eyes, then added "And it doesn't change the fact that Lightning has too big of an _ego_ to fall for you batting your eyes forever," she mockingly mimicked the motion. "And the moment he wises up, you can kiss your butt goodbye."

"Hmph!" Amy turned her nose up and away from the jock-ette. "Even if that does happen, you'll be _long gone_ by that point."

"Keep tellin' yourself that," Jo told her.

Amy shot an expectant look at Scarlett, who shrugged halfheartedly. "I'm not exactly an _expert_ on romantic attractions, so don't expect me to give you any insight." The cheerleader scowled deeply.

/

The shot cut outside, then panned over to the guys' trailer and zoomed inside to Lightning and DJ.

"Uhh, thanks for hearin' me out last night, dude," the uber-jock told his roommate awkwardly. "Lightning ain't really _good_ at talkin' 'bout his feelin's, and he would appreciate you not goin' around tellin' people about 'em."

"No problem, man," DJ replied with a smile. "I get how it is-"

He was interrupted by the sudden sound of drums coming from outside the trailer. The camera cut to what was obviously Chef Hatchet playing a set at a fast pace, then to the doorways of each trailer as Scarlett, Jo, and Lightning stepped out with annoyed looks on their faces.

Chef was shown playing again for a second, the camera pulling back to show Chris standing nearby with a bland smile on his face that turned into a wince when Chef finished his set with a sharp crash of the cymbals.

"Nice of you to join us," the host said after quickly recovering; the camera pulled back again to show all five castmates gathered around him. "Today's movie genre is," he looked aside to Chef, "drumroll _please_!" The hulking drummer obliged, but went on longer than the host anticipated. "Okay, _Ringo_," Chris said in annoyance, "spotlight's not big enough for the both of us."

Chef looked at the host, then stopped the drumroll. "Today's movie genre is," Chris began again, only for Chef to start the drumroll back up – but end it when the host swiftly glared at him. "The Rock n' Roll _Biopic_!"

Lightning's face lit up and he whistled in awe. "Sha-dang! Almost as good as the _sports_ movie."

"I know, right?" Amy chimed in with forced enthusiasm. "I bet you'd make a great rock star. In fact, we'd make a great rock _couple_!"

The overachiever did not look impressed. "Uh, how's Lightning gonna be a rock star when he's busy spendin' all his time winnin' for the various _teams_ he's gonna be on?"

"Oh, uh, right," Amy said quickly.

xxx

Lightning opened his confessional by shaking his head and making a few tutting sounds. "Girl shoulda known better. Lightning might like rock n' roll _movies_, but that doesn't mean he wants to be a rock n' roll _star_."

xxx

Scarlett sighed deeply. "Once again, a movie genre I have no interest in."

"Not musically _inclined_?" Jo asked tauntingly.

"I am, just not in rock music," the brainiac answered matter-of-factly. "I'm more partial to-"

"Yeah, time to shut up now!" Chris interrupted with a brief scowl. "Now, any good Rock n' Roll Biopic starts with a kid from humble beginnings," he explained with his usual smile, the shot pulling back out to show the full cast, "drawn into the seemingly-glam world of rock music. After overcoming _enormous_ hardship, the kid gets a break, and makes it _ginormous_! Bigger than me, even!" He motioned to himself with a smug look on his face.

"The kid is then drawn in to a _scandalous_ world of stuff I'm not allowed to talk about with sixteen-year-olds," he continued. "Things that lead to _dangerous_ addictions, multiple divorces, the occasional night in the joint, _and_ an untimely death. While sitting on a toilet."

xxx

Rather than the makeup trailer confessional, the static cut the scene to the control tent where Chris was already waiting with a somber look on his face. "Please, do not try _any_ of the aforementioned at home," he pleaded to the camera, "or I will be sued. And, would be unable to afford the maintenance of this _fabulous_ smile!" A lilting tune played as the camera zoomed in and the host smiled, his teeth twinkling in the light.

xxx

"A few things that any certifiable rock god needs to know that I _can_ talk about?" he resumed his explanation as an electric guitar riff began in the background. "You need to know how rock out on the guitar," he mimed strumming a few notes, "work the paparazzi," he put on a pair of sunglasses, "and _trash_ a hotel room." He tossed the shades away and laughed. "Any questions?"

"Do we actually have to play guitar?" DJ asked, raising his hand.

"Did you actually get _real_ paparazzi?" Amy followed up quickly and excitedly.

"Are you _actually_ gonna answer our questions for once?" Jo snarked third.

"You'll see, no, and _yes_," Chris answered smugly, pointing to each contestant in turn. "Tricked ya, didn't I?" he told the jock-ette, tapping the side of his head a couple of times. "You're gonna have to get up _way_ earlier to outsmart me."

"Dude, you wake us up too early as it is," Lightning told him.

"I know," the host replied, still smugly. "Anywho, I have an announcement to make!" The glee in his voice rose with each word, quickly alarming the castmates. "Because I'm the host, and can do _whatever_ I want, I've decided to bring someone back to the show!"

All five pairs of eyes widened.

"Umm, loud cough of interruption?" Amy said in outrage, moving her fist to her move to mime the gesture she was saying aloud. "I had to win a _lawsuit_ to get on this show, so how come someone else gets to come back on just like that? Did _they_ sue too? Who could even _do_ that and _win_?"

"I hate to agree with her," Jo added, "but she's got a point. The only person I can think of who could make a case is _B_, but he already settled."

"Yeah, it isn't B," Chris told them bluntly before turning a stern gaze to Amy. "But more importantly, I feel it's time to make a correction. You see, _Amy_ has been lying to you all." The mean girl immediately looked nervous. "Although she did try to sue the show for wrongful dismissal, she lost. _Miserably_."

"Figures," DJ muttered.

"Knew it," Jo chimed in.

"I had assumed as much," Scarlett admitted.

"Even sha-_Lightning_ figured that out!" the overachiever added.

"_However_," Chris said loudly over the teens, annoyance quite visible on his face, "because I figured she could stir up a lot of drama, I let her on anyway. And for awhile," he paused to chuckle to himself, "I _gotta_ say she was worth it. But lately?" He shook his head in disappointment. "Lately, Amy's just been annoying me. So that's why I decided to bring back.." he motioned to the side, the castmates turning their attention as Chef began another drumroll.

"Oh no...," Amy whispered in horror, skin paling and eyes going even wider. "_Please_ tell me you're not..."

The camera quick-panned over to what looked like an empty field as a trapdoor slid open in the ground. From it came, of all thing, the mouth of a cannon, and when the drumroll stopped it fired.

"EEEEEEEAAAA!" something blonde and reddish shrieked as they were shot through the air towards the cast, a hectic tune playing all the while. The camera quickly cut to DJ as his brow shot up, and he hurriedly moved to catch the returnee in his arms.

"Her sister, _Samey_!" Chris gleefully announced, raising his hands into the air as a celebratory 'ta-da' sort of sound effect played.

"H-hi...!" a rather disheveled-looking Sammy said, looking deep into her boyfriend's eyes.

"Hi," the gentle giant replied a broad smile forming on his face.

While Lightning, Scarlett, and Jo looked merely stunned, the camera panned to the left of them to show a slack-jawed Amy. "_Samey_?!" she repeated in outrage. "You brought _Samey_ back?!"

"What can I say," Chris told her, "she _actually_ got kicked off the show unfairly a couple times. I figured: why not just let her come back _before_ she asks your daddy's lawyer buddies for help? Saves the show some legal hassle."

"Hey, I'm fine with it," Jo spoke up.

"Lightning don't care one way or the other," the uber-jock declared, earning a sharp look from Amy.

"Although it _will_ prolong the game," Scarlett reasoned aloud, "I see no point in objecting to it."

"Oh, thanks," Sammy told them mildly.

xxx

"So, I wasn't _exactly_ planning on suing the show anytime soon," Sammy admitted in the confessional, rubbing her arm sheepishly. "The last thing I wanna do is be more like _Amy_. But after what happened on the Aftermath, I guess the fans really wanted to see me finally stand up to my sister," she said with an anxious laugh.

"Also," she added with a thoughtful look, "the producers want me to find out if Scarlett's really been _cheating_. Apparently they haven't had any luck figuring it out themselves, so they asked me to be their mole. I, umm, _technically_ can't win the competition, but if I do what the producers ask me too they'll pay me. So, y'know," she smiled nervously at the camera, "here goes everything!"

xxx

"Alright people," Chris told the cast, Sammy now lined up between Jo and Chef and exchanging a fierce glare with her sister, "time for your _first_ big gig! Meet me at the big stadium in ten minutes," he walked past Amy and Scarlett, the latter following him with her eyes but the former still glaring off-screen, "you can't miss it!"

Chef came running after him moments later, his drum kit banging and clanging as he carried it over his shoulder.

/

The footage skipped ahead to the six teens walking along some sidewalk. Jo was out in front, followed by Sammy and DJ who were holding hands and smiling at each other, then Scarlett who was looking around searchingly, and at the end a furiously pouting Amy and mildly annoyed Lightning.

"Where the heck is the stadium, anyway?" Jo asked.

"You'd think we'd have used it by now," Scarlett added. "I suppose we'll have to accept being late."

"I said ten minutes!" Chris suddenly said, looking at his wristwatch irately. "_Not_ ten hours!"

The teens were shown walking up on some stage in front of a vividly-painted Rock-themed backdrop, complete with skull, fire, and guitars. "You told us to meet you at the big _stadium_," DJ explained. "This is just the Gilded Chris Award theater!" The camera pulled back, revealing that it was in fact the amphitheater – the rock-themed stage bad been set up on it, as well as the large screen seen during the intro recap at the start of the episode.

"And _you_ might get dumped!" the host countered sternly before a smile reformed on his face. "Not bad. First step to becoming a Rock legend is to show up late for your own show."

"We would've been here sooner is _Samey_ hadn't gotten us lost," Amy spat.

"Umm, _I_ didn't get us lost," Sammy countered, "_you_ slowed us down by walking like a _turtle_." The anger in the younger twin's voice took seemed to take Amy aback, but she quickly composed herself into a snarl.

Chris exchanged an annoyed look with Chef, then resumed his hosting demeanor. "For your first challenge," he told the cast, "you're gonna be rockin' out on the _guitar_!"

DJ immediately raised his hand. "What if we don't know _how_ to play the guitar?"

"Or _any_ instrument?" Jo added with her hands on her hips. "'Cause I'm not exactly a _band geek_ if you catch my drift."

"Yeah, I already figured that none of you would be able to read music anyway," Chris explained. "So instead, you'll be playing a guitar-shaped _peripheral_. The notes will be represented by colored notes on the screen, which correspond you your guitar." He motioned up to it, and it showed an image of a fake electric guitar with flashing colored spots on the neck.

"You will play _simultaneously_, during which you'll be eliminated." The camera cut back to the group shot of the host and six castmates. "Every time you make a wrong note, bzzztt!" He mimed getting an electric shock.

"You're gonna _electrocute_ us is we make a mistake?!" DJ asked in alarm.

"_Me_? Electrocute _you_?" the host repeated slowly and impishly. "Of course not!" The six players looked momentarily relieved before Chris added "The _guitar_ will electrocute you!" The castmates gasped, and the host laughed. "But don't worry, you'll live!" he told Jo. "Though you may never be able to play the piano again."

"Who cares? I can't even do that _now_," the jock-ette said.

"Or _play sports_," Chris added, cracking a sly smile at the end.

Jo's face fell into an unamused glare. "Ha ha, very finny," she told the host.

He rolled his eyes. "Some people just don't appreciate classic comedy."

xxx

"The last time I played an instrument," Scarlett told the confessional camera, "I ended up hitting a note that causes muscle cramps. I wasn't allowed back in band class after that," a small smile formed on her lips, "but I was able to find more subjects to continue the research on."

xxx

"Are you ready to _rock out_?!" Chris asked excitedly from his director's chair as an electric guitar riff played.

"Sha-_yeah_!" Lightning responded, raising a fist up high as the viewpoint shifted to show the contestants up on stage with their peripherals in hand. "Time to light it up like lightning in a thunderstorm!"

"Brief and _loud_, just like you," Jo quipped, causing the uberjock next to her to blink in brief confusion.

"And...rock on!" Chris declared, the background music suddenly stopping as the castmates were shown looking up at the screen as one. They were lined up in order with Amy on the far left, then Scarlett, then Sammy, Jo, Lightning, and lastly DJ on the far right.

The large screen's guitar began to flash as a hard rock song started up, and the contestants began to play. Scarlett was focused on first, her face drawn into a look of concentration as her fingers rapidly struck the buttons on the face of her skull-shaped guitar. The camera then panned over to Lightning, playing at a similar pace on his black v-shaped instrument though with more enthusiasm. He took a few steps forward, then began to jump around a bit in an over-the-top fashion.

"Looks like Lightning's really getting into the rock n' roll _groove_," Chris commented before the overachiever started making short hops backward across the stage. Not looking where he was going, he ended up crashing right into Scarlett – a screeching wail on their guitars sounded the two falling to the floor in a heap.

"Watch where you're going!" Scarlett irately told the boy on top of her.

"You watch where _you're_ sha-goin'!" Lightning countered.

They were promptly electrocuted by their peripherals, and the camera cut to a chuckling Chris. "Looks like they both shoulda been watching the _music_ to me. Looks like we've got our first two losers!"

The flashing notes on the monitor were shown again, followed by a split-screen of the twins playing similarly well – Amy on a red-and-white electric guitar, Sammy on an acoustic-like peripheral. After them, the camera cut to DJ playing, of all things, a banjo-shaped peripheral. He was biting his lip and trying to concentrate, but by the sounds playing around him it was clear he was struggling. A few seconds later, a flat note sounded as the banjo electrocuted him.

Jo was the next to be focused on, playing what seemed like every other note on a peripheral patterned like the Union Jack. "This bites," she muttered to herself, "but at least I'm still in this. Just gotta pick up the pace a little and..." She began hitting more and more notes, her confidence and smile growing with each one.

Until her guitar exploded in a puff of smoke and sparks. She coughed lightly as air cleared, and the camera panned over to the twins – the only two left standing.

Each was playing surprisingly well, and every so often their eyes met one another in a mutual glare. "I hope you're ready to lose this just like you _always_ do!" Amy told her sister.

"Hah, not today." Sammy replied in a somewhat awkward, mostly level, and definitely spiteful tone. Amy frowned, and the two continued to duel. The camera cut from a close-up of one peripheral to the next, fingers hammering away on buttons without any noticeable mistakes. The four losers were shown off to the side of the stage, still lightly smoking but obviously enjoying the show.

"You got this, Sammy!" DJ called. "Show her what you're made of!"

"What, a weak little _worm_ wrapped up in _ugly_?" Amy said snidely. "Why don't you just face facts. You're always gonna be second best, and coming back on here isn't gonna prove otherwise." The camera focused on Sammy's face as she listened to her sister talk; her expression fell quickly into depression and lack of confidence. "As impossible as it sounds, you're only gonna make yourself look even worse, _Samey_."

With that word, Sammy's expression steeled with anger. "My name," she hissed, playing a few hard notes on her guitar. "Is not," she grabbed the peripherals by the neck. "_Samey_!" She swung her guitar hard at Amy; the mean girl shrieked and moved her guitar to block, and the two collided with a loud and off-key wail followed by a distinct snap as the two peripherals broke.

The music stopped immediately. "Nice job, Samey, you broke _both_ guitars!" Chris told the two in an even tone.

"Oops..." the nice twin said sheepishly.

"Impressive, both of you," the host told them. "_But_! The winner is..." The camera pulled back as Chef began a drumroll behind the host. "_Samey_!"

"_WHAT_?!" Amy roared in outrage. "You're letting _her_ win over _me_?! She didn't even _play_ that well, unlike _me_!"

"Honestly?" Chris told her with a frown. "I really couldn't tell the difference between the two of you while you were playing. It seemed to _me_ like you were hitting all the same notes."

"Hah! Looks like they really _are_ twins after all," Jo laughed.

Sammy smiled, but Amy just fumed harder. "You still didn't tell me why I lost! I mean, _hello_? She stopped even _trying_ at the end so she could _attack_ me."

"Ehh...," Chris said, giving a so-so gesture. "Didn't look to me like she stopped trying. Although if she _had_, the winner would've been easier to decide – if there's one thing rock stars don't do, it's try. But since everyone here _did_," he motioned over at the other four who were watching with generally perplexed looks, "I decided to go with whoever made the flashiest finish. And in this case, it was Samey breaking _two_ guitars."

"Wow," the nice girl said with a smile. "In a way, I guess I owe my win to you, sis," she told Amy with a slightly mocking tone.

Amy grit her teeth and stomped off stage, Chris stepping up on it shortly after. "We'll be right back," he told the camera, "as soon as Amy cools down with a hot bath and Samey gets a taste of life in the _almost_ winner's circle."

(Fade to Commercial and Back)

The scene faded back in to a slew of camera flashes, courtesy of three people – one of which was clearly a yeti – raising their devices above a silhouetted crowd. Chef was shown at the end of the red carpet in his tux just as the limousine of losers drove up, and the camera panned across the mostly excited castmates. Chef opened the limo's door, and Chris stepped out in his baby blue tuxedo.

"Welcome back to the Rock n' Roll Biopic edition of Total Drama Action," he told the cameras, speaking into a microphone as he approached the cast. "Now, in order to become a _true_ rock immortal, you must know how work the paparazzi."

A few dramatic notes played as the scene moved slightly, showing the amphitheater-stage in the background beyond the silhouetted crowd. The red carpet lay in front of the fake crowd, leading to a small building set on the left with a star on its door.

"The first part of your second challenge," Chris said as a few standees popped out of the ground at the end of the red carpet and slid down, "is an obstacle course of fans, photogs, groupies, and autograph hounds." The four standees were shown in a close-up: on the left was a tan-skinned young woman with mid-length hair and jean shorts holding a pen and pad of paper; next was another young woman dressed like an 80s-era groupie; to her right was a fat, stubbly white guy with a polka dot shirt, reporter's hat, and camera; at the far right was a third woman, with ginger hair, white skin, and a camera in her hands as well.

"You'll start at the Lame-o-sine," Chris told the cast. "Walk _up_ the red carpet," the camera panned away to the left, "past the obstacles," the camera cut to the obstacle course, "and finally backstage." The shot panned to the backstage set with the star on the door. "One of you will win. The _rest_ will be celebrity roadkill. Samey," he approached the girl, "for winning the first challenge, you get our backstage pass," he handed her a pass, "so, you'll start halfway."

xxx

"Shame this isn't a _real_ backstage pass," Sammy told the confessional camera, the pass already around her neck. "At least it looks like one." She looked down at it, and began to read. "All Access Membership, _Buff and Tone_ Spa?"

Sammy gave the camera a confused look, but was even more surprised when Chris – seemingly shirtless but with a towel around his shoulders – leaned into the shot. "Yeah, I'm gonna be needin' that."

xxx

The footage resumed with a shot of Amy, Jo, Sammy, DJ, and Lightning sitting in director's chair at the end of the red carpet, their eyes on the limo off-screen.

"Okay," Chris said from his spot next to Lightning, "Scarlett, you're up first." The camera panned to the limo as the door opened and the music began to build into the usual tense and fast-paced challenge piece. "Aaannd..._action_!"

Scarlett ran out like a bolt. "Scarlett's on the move," Chris commentated, the shot cutting to the brainiac as the fat man standee popped up in her path. "A paparazzi!" Scarlett quickly frowned and ducked slightly, avoiding the camera's line of sight without losing her momentum. "Quick maneuvering!"

The brainiac didn't so much as look back as she kept charging ahead, and was soon stopped by another standee – the shorts-wearing girl. "Autograph hound!" the host announced. "Will she sign?" Scarlett stopped and seemed to consider it for a second, then waved her hand in a polite decline and moved on. "She won't! Too _busy_ for the fans."

Only a few more feet down, two more standees popped up – the red-haired woman and the fat man again. "Ooh! The tricky pap-cam-fan attack!" Chris said with a sly look. "Will she make it?" Scarlett paused in front of them just long enough to crack a light smile as they each took a photo, and curtly waved them off and resumed her sprint. "Scarlett takes the easy route with a light smile-and-wave combo."

The brainiac kept running, not even glancing when the groupie standee popped up. "Followed by a cold shoulder to the groupie!" Chris commented. Next in her path was a standee of a smirking white man in a white shirt with a bag hung on his outstretched hand. Scarlett paused to consider it for a moment, then took the bag and moved on. "And a clean swag-bag-grab!" the host said as the standee retreated into the ground. "_Nice_!"

A few moments later a waiter popped up holding a tray of what looked like some kind of small sandwich. Scarlett lingered once again before swiping one of the hors-d'oeuvres and leaving. "And a snack to go!" Chris said as the standee slid back down.

"Final obstacle: the vet!" the host said as a standee of a large and imposingly bald white man popped up just in front of the door.

The brainiac eyed him up and down. "If you don't let me through right this instant," she said in a demanding yet matter-of-fact tone, "I'll make sure you're living on the _streets_ by tomorrow morning." She smiled confidently as the bouncer-standee promptly retracted, and the background music peaked triumphantly.

"Spoken like a true power-player," Chris said as Scarlett ran into the backstage room. "Nice moves," he added, walking up to her from the opposite side of the set as she finished her hors-d'oeuvre. "And good call on grabbing the _swag_. Lucky for you, you get to keep what's inside."

With a curious look on her face, Scarlett dug through the bag she was holding – and quickly took out a book with a picture of Chris' smiling face on the cover. "My autobiography," the host explained to her, "Volume I."

xxx

"The swag was..._mediocre_, at best," Scarlett calmly confessed. "I'm surprised he didn't include a _mirror_ with his face on it so we could always see it when we looked at ourselves." Her joking demeanor was quickly dropped when a hand mirror with Chris' picture plastered onto the reflective surface was tossed onto the counter in front of her. "Really?" Scarlett asked in disbelief.

xxx

"Samey, you're up!" Chris told the nice twin, the two standing a little ways up the red carpet together. "Remember, you get to skip the Lame-o-sine and half the red carpet." He motioned down the carpet to the limo, and the camera panned back a few feet to show Amy, Jo, DJ, and Lightning still sitting in their chairs. "Annndd...action!"

At the host's words, Sammy got into position and dashed down the red carpet. The fast-paced challenge music resumed, and the cheerleader was quickly confronted by the pair of photog standees. "The tricky pap-cam-fan attack!" Chris narrated as Sammy slowed down. "What's the girl gonna do?"

Smile meekly and wave at the standees as she walked past, as it turned out. "A smile-and-wave, fairly textbook move from the younger twin," Chris commented as the girl in question picked up her pace briefly before getting stopped by the autograph hound. Sammy paused in a moment's indecision, then smiled and signed the notepad. "And she follows it up with a not-so-quick autograph!"

The groupie popped up next, and once again Sammy kept a reasonable pace while smiling and waving at the cardboard girl. "_Another_ smile-and-wave," the host said, the camera cutting to the contestants that were still waiting – DJ was watching with a broad grin; Jo and Lightning more-or-less uninterested; and Amy seething with anger.

Sammy came upon the waiter, hesitated with her hand outstretched towards the plate of food, then shook her head politely and walked away. "Another _pause_, but she decides against the canapé!" Next came the man holding the gift bag. Sammy tapped her chin in thought for a moment, then smiled and took it. "But she _takes_ the swag!"

Lastly was the bouncer, and the nice twin came to a complete stop in front of him. "Umm, can you let me in?" she asked hesitantly; the standee doesn't move.

"Looks like she's been held up!" Chris said, now narrating from the backstage set.

"Okay, I get that this is your job and all," Sammy said with a slight edge in her voice, "but I have a backstage pass, see?" She held up the pass around her neck. "You _have_ to let me in." For a few moments it seemed like the bouncer wouldn't budge, but soon enough the standee relented and Sammy breathed a sigh of relief.

She walked backstage with a smile on her face, and was immediately greeted by a grinning Chris. "Glad to see you've finally made it," he told her. "Though I gotta say, you seemed like an amateur out there. _Way_ too much dithering, you gotta be _decisive_ if you wanna rule the rock world!"

"Oh...," Sammy said in flat disappointment.

"Better luck next time," Chris told her. "Next!"

/

The scene flashed back over to the limousine as the door opened and DJ stepped out. He waved at the camera with a grin on his face, then started making his way up the red carpet with continued waves to the crowd. He soon came across the first standee – the fat photographer – and smiled broadly right as a flash went off. Now dazed, he stumbled forward a step and bumped into the standee with enough force to snap the cardboard cutout in two.

"Oops! Sorry!" DJ quickly said, picking up the top half of the standee and leaning it against its lower body. With a sheepish smile on his face he backed up...and immediately knocked into the woman photographer, breaking it as well. "Oops! Sorry!" he repeated, picking that standee's pieces back up, then continuing on his way only to break the autograph-seeking standee as well.

The shot cut to an unamused Chris. "Oops! Sorry!" DJ's voice echoed followed by another crash, and the host looked at the camera. And so continued the gentle giant's trail of destruction, his voice becoming more and more anguished with each iteration. "Oops! Sorry!" Crash. "Oops! Sorry!" Crash. "Oops! Sorry!" Crash. "Oops! Sorry!" _Crash_.

Finally he arrived backstage, slumped down and looking severely downtrodden and tearful. Chris shook his head at the boy in disappointment, while Sammy placed a consoling hand on her boyfriend's shoulder.

/

Chris and Chef were shown standing by the bouncer which had been duct taped back together courtesy of a roll in Chef's hands. "Next!" Chris called, and the camera panned down the red carpet – showing that the other standees had been similarly repaired. Jo was the next out, and she smirked confidently.

The challenge music resumed once more, and the jock-ette took off at a sprint. One by one the standees popped up along the carpet – the two paparazzi fans, the autograph hound, the groupie, the swag-bearer, and the waiter – and all were met with the same response: absolutely nothing. Jo ran past each and every one without so much as a glance their way, and when she got to the bouncer she merely kicked him in the chest, snapping it in two in a separate spot than before, then walked through the door backstage.

"How was _that_ for a record time?" she cockily asked the host and his assistant. Chris just shook his head, and Chef readied another length of duct tape.

/

The limousine was shown again, and a drumroll led up to Lightning bursting out the door and rolling into a flexing pose. "No need to wait y'all, sha-Lightning has _arrived_!" he announced to the world before standing up and strutting confidently down the red carpet. He struck a few poses for the pap-cam-fan-attack, then walked off with a chuckle.

"Oh yeah, sha-Lightning has got the goods!" he told himself before being stopped by the autograph-seeker. He looked her up and down, then walked off with a dismissive handwave. "Sorry girl," he told her, "you want Lightning's autograph you gotta _pay_." The groupie was next, and he gave her a quick wink-and-finger pistol combo before moving on. The waiter and swag-handler he shook his head at and waved off, and he scoffed when he saw the bouncer.

"Make way for the _Lightning_!" he said, barging past the musclebound standee – but not actually breaking him again. He stepped inside, and bumped fists with a smiling Chris.

/

Finally Amy's turn had arrived, and in place of the normal challenge music she was accomapnied by a more trendy techno tune. She stepped out of the limousine with a confident pose, and walked down the red carpet with an air of utter superiority about her. She stopped at the two photographers and posed for many, many pictures, then signed her autograph at the next standee without even stopping.

She strutted the rest of the way down the red carpet, waving at the groupie then swiping her swag bag and an hors-d'oeuvre without blinking. At the bouncer she finally stopped, gave the man a slightly mocking smile, then raised her hand to him, turned up her nose, and moved past him completely. She enetered the backstage set with a confident grin, which widened when she was met by a somewhat reluctant thumbs-up from the host.

/

A few more pictures were snapped by the hands raised above the fake crowd, and the camera pulled back to show Chef eagerly handing an envelope to Chris on the red carpet. "And now, the moment you've all been waiting for!" he announced, turning to the castmates as the background music became tense. "The _photographic evidence_! Let's see your best shots, shall we?"

The viewpoint moved over his shoulder as he took a stack of photographs out of the envelope. "Scarlett evaded," the top picture showed the brainiac just barely in he corner of the frame; "Samey hesitated," the first picture was slid off, revealing a shot of Sammy looking uncertain about something underneath; "DJ crashed...natch," the next photo showed the brickhouse falling towards the camera with a panicked look on his face and the boy himself was shown smiling sheepishly; "Jo dashed," the only thing of Jo in the picture was her right foot as she ran past the paparazzi; "Lightning posed," the uber-jock's picture showed him flexing his arms and smirking; "And Amy posed _harder_." The final photo showed the mean twin in the middle of a wink and kiss blown to the camera.

"Which means we have a winner!" Chris declared, dropping the pictures back into the envelope. Each contestant was shown looking expectantly, but when the host announced "Amy!" the camera panned to her as she cheered and pumped her fist.

"Hah! In your face, _Samey_!" she said, jeering at her sister.

"What? Lightning was _robbed_," the uber-jock protested.

"Hey, _I_ did the best job avoiding those goons!" Jo added.

"Who said you were supposed to _avoid_ the photogs?" Chris asked slyly. "The paparazzi means _exposure_, and although Lightning's run was good, Amy exposed herself _better_ with her fan management." The camera briefly cut to the uber-jock glaring at the host in annoyance.

"Amy wins an advantage in the next part of the challenge," Chris continued, "where you'll compete for _invincibility_."

xxx

"Hah!" Amy barked out a laugh. "That'll teach _Samey_ to think she can just waltz back on the show and expect to beat me. I've been better than her all my life for a _reason_ you know."

xxx

"Finally," Chris said, having changed back into his usual outfit, "the ultimate rockstar challenge: trashing the hotel room." The camera pulled back, revealing that the host and cast were now standing in an entirely different set, one made up to look like a rather drab-colored hotel room with a single red full-sized bed.

"You've got thirty seconds on the clock," the host continued, "with Amy getting an additional ten for having won the first part of the challenge." The camera focused in on the mean girl as she smiled smugly, with Jo rolling her eyes nearby. "Aaaaannd...action!" Chris quickly stepped away from the set, and the six castmates slowly dispersed around the room.

The scene pulled back, transitioning to the few from the control tent monitors watched by Chef Hatchet, who'd also changed back into his standard attire.

/

The campy whistling tune began as the contestants went to work trashing the place. First up was DJ as he hesitantly approached a table with an old-fashioned rotary phone and a pencil on it. He brought a finger to his lips for a brief moment, then picked up the pencil and dropped it on the floor. Turning his attention to the telephone, he grabbed the handset and set it down on the table a little ways away from the base.

The shot cut to Chris and Chef inside the control tent; the latter looked at the former, and the host shook his head disappointedly and wrote something down on a notepad.

Next was Scarlett, who was systematically dismantling a tall chest of drawers. Disregarding the lamp, picture frame, and mirror on top of it, she instead removed each drawer one by one. Dumping whatever minor contents they had onto the floor, she then tossed them over her shoulder. Chris was shown with an unexcited expression before jotting down a few more notes.

The scene cut next to a bare couch, seemingly devoid of any contestants until it shuddered and suddenly tipped forward. Sammy stood up from behind it, and wiped the sweat from her brow with a smile.

She was promptly hit in the back of the head by a tray of food, and the camera quick-panned over to a laughing Amy. She was standing by a room service cart and twirling a metal cloche in her hands. Turning her back on her sister she tossed the dish cover through a nearby window, breaking the glass.

In the control tent Chris nodded to himself and noted something down, and the scene cut back to the set. Looking around for something else to smash, Amy missed Sammy as the younger twin came up from behind and whacked her in the back of the head with a couch cushion. The nice girl laughed and the mean girl glared as the campy tune came to an end.

xxx

"Did you _see_ that?!" Amy told the confessional camera in outrage and disbelief. "How could she do that to her own _sister_? Like, she's always been the worst but she's _seriously_ been pushing it since she got back."

xxx

Sammy spent the entirety of her brief confessional giggling so hard she blushed.

xxx

Hard rock took over the background music as the footage cut back first to Chef and Chris watching with interest, then to Lightning as he dropkicked a small television set out of the room. The uber-jock then grabbed a nearby potted palm by the trunk, swung it around like a hammer, and sent it flying through a wall. He grinned and pumped a fist, and Chris was shown nodding in approval.

The shot of the set pulled back as Lightning's eyes were drawn to the as-yet untouched bed in the middle of the room. The twins were dueling with paintings they'd taken off the walls in the foreground, Scarlett was unpotting a plant in the back left corner, and DJ had apparently moved the desk he'd been at earlier to the other side of the room. The rock music ramped up as the shot focused in on the bed; Lightning made to grab it, but looked suddenly surprised and backed off slightly.

The bed swiftly rose, and the camera angle shifted to show Jo standing under it with a victorious look on her face. Lifting the massive piece of furniture over her head, the jock-ette turned around and tossed it at the back wall without thinking. Both Scarlett and DJ had to quickly duck out of the way, and the bed crashed entirely through the wall; the whole thing fell over seconds later.

With the others briefly stunned into silence, Jo jumped up and grabbed a boom mic, snapped it off with a small shower of sparks, then threw it across the room like a javelin. Lightning barely ducked out of the way in time, and the metal pole embedded itself into the far wall.

xxx

"What," Jo asked the confessional camera in a cocky tone, "did you _seriously_ think I was gonna let Lightning or one of the Wonder Twins take this one too? As if," she scoffed. "I may not get music or the paparazzi, but trashing a room is something I can do."

xxx

The footage cut back again just as Jo dusted off her hands and placed them confidently on her hips. The shot pulled back showing that nearly everything had been destroyed save for the side walls and the table DJ was still carrying. The other five contestants looked at it, but before anyone could make a move Chris stepped up with a stopwatch in his hand and called "Time!"

"Amy, you now have an additional ten seconds," he told the mean girl. "Go!" He pressed the button on the stopwatch, and Amy immediately leapt onto the sole remaining table. As she hammered desperately on it, the other two walls slowly started to fall to the outside, and the crash when they hit the ground startled the cheerleader.

"Aaaand you're done!" Chris happily announced, clicking his stopwatch again. "Of course, since thanks to _Jo_ there wasn't much left to destroy, I didn't think you'd get far anyway." Amy glared at him. "Which means, Jo wins invincibility!"

He raised his arms, and the jock-ette pumped hers. "Yes! _Finally_!"

"Now," the host said in a more impish tone as he folded his arms behind his back, "you've gotta decide who gets booted from the band!" A dramatic chord played as Sammy and DJ exchanged a nervous look.

/

A deeper track began to play as the footage flashed forward to a shot of the full moon shining brightly over the film lot. The camera panned down to Sammy and DJ just as they broke apart from a kiss and smiled at each other.

"You have no _idea_ how happy I am to be back here," Sammy told her boyfriend. "I have gotta go do a few things right now though," she pointed back over her shoulder, "but I'll be back soon, okay?"

"Yeah, I gotcha," DJ told her.

xxx

"I've already gotten into an alliance with DJ and Jo," the nice twin explained in the make-up confessional. "We'll be voting for my sister tonight. I want to give them as _much_ help as I can, especially if Scarlett really _is_ cheating. Since I don't think they were able to convince Lightning to break up with Amy yet, tonight's vote _should_ be a tie. And if it isn't?" A conspiratorial smile slowly formed on her face. "Well, the producers have given me a hidden camera to try and watch Scarlett with. I'll try to sit behind her tonight, so if she tries anything I'll know."

"So anyway..."

As she continued her confessional, the music slowed down and deepened as the camera pulled back outside, then panned around the trailer to show a wide-eyed Scarlett with her ear pressed up to a drinking glass held against the wall. The camera focused in on her eyes as they narrowed dangerously.

/

The scene quickly flashed away to the communal bathrooms just as a toilet flush rang through the air. It was followed briefly by the sound of running water, and moments later Jo walked confidently out the door. She paused to stretch her arms as the door swung shut, and with a dramatic musical spike Scarlett was revealed to be standing against the wall behind where it had opened out to.

"Good evening," she said plainly.

"Gah!" a startled Jo replied, quickly turning around to see the other girl. "What do _you_ want?" she asked harshly.

"Not much," the brainiac answered while stepping forward and adjusting her glasses slightly. "I merely wanted to compliment you on your win today. Here I had thought you'd entirely _lost_ your competitive edge."

Jo quirked an eyebrow. "What do you mean I've lost my _edge_?"

"Well, ever since you became more...," she paused as though searching mentally for the right words, "_team_-oriented, your strategic and physical gameplay has suffered. In fact, I'd say you're a _shadow_ of how you were last season."

"I _lost_ last season, remember?" Jo scowled. "My playing better with the others this time around just means I've gotten _better_. _Sharper_, even."

It was Scarlett's turn to raise and eyebrow. "In that case, I suppose you already understand why _DJ_ is the correct choice to vote out?"

"What are you-" the jock-ette began to ask in outrage before Scarlett cut her off.

"Need I remind you that his loyalty will always be to _Sammy_ over you," the brainiac explained. "With both in the game, you can't stay allied with them for long. And even if you _do_ win tonight's tiebreaker and vote out Amy, you can't _honestly_ expect that Lightning will side with the two of us. We both know he doesn't listen to reason, and if anyone will be able to persuade him to vote one way or another it'll be the only other male left in the competition."

Jo just scowled at the brainiac in silent anger.

"As you haven't come up with a reply, I'll leave you to consider my proposal," Scarlett said calmly as she began to walk away. "I trust you'll make the right decision."

She walked off screen, and the music turned tense as the camera focused on Jo's tightly-clenched fist.

/

The Gilded Chris Awards began with all their usual fanfare. "Now, for total drama," Chris said from his podium as soon as the intro sequence ended. "Six left, one must go!" He held up three fingers on each hand, then swapped them out for his left pointer alone. "_And_, it won't be Jo." He pointed to the castmates in the stands, and the jock-ette seemed to force her smile. She was sitting in the middle row next to Scarlett, with Sammy and DJ above them and Amy and Lightning below.

"Or Samey for that matter, as she's only _just_ returned," Chris added. The nice twin smiled while her sister glared, but all six teens held up their voting devices.

The music became low and tense as the camera zoomed in on Sammy, who quickly pulled out a small camcorder from behind her back and pointed it at the row in front of her. She and DJ cast their votes and smiled at each other, then looked at Jo as she did the same, looking oddly nervous. The camera panned to Scarlett who voted with a smirk, then down to Lightning and Amy as the latter furiously pressed the screen of her device several times.

Chris looked to his right, where Chef was waiting in his pink dress holding a number of statuettes. "Alright!" he announced. "The Gilded Chris Award goes to Jo and Samey!" The first two statues were tossed, and the girls caught them easily.

A dramatic pause, and the host called out the next to names. "Scarlett and...Lightning!" The brainiac and uber-jock accepted their awards eagerly.

A few tension-filled notes played as the camera focused first on DJ, then on Amy. Neither looked surprised, and they quickly narrowed their eyes at one another.

"Only one left," Chris said as the music began to rise. "The final Gilded Chris goes to...," The bottom two stared at the host more nervously than before, Sammy was shown biting her lip and crossing her fingers nervously, and Chef was shown staring darkly ahead with the last award in his arms.

"Amy!" the host announced as the final statuette was tossed into the mean girl's overjoyed hands. "_DJ's_ going bye-bye!"

The gentle giant stood up and gasped. "But...but how? _Why_?!" he asked in disbelief. "Jo, did you seriously vote me out after everything we've been through together?" He cast the jock-ette an accusatory look, and she didn't meet his eyes.

Before he could say anything else, he was swept into a hug from his girlfriend. "Oh, DJ!" she cried. "I'm sorry this happened...I wish I could've done more to stop this, but _please_," she whispered as she broke the embrace, "don't blame Jo for what happened. It wasn't her fault, _believe_ me."

The gentle giant moved a suspicious and skeptical look from Sammy, to Jo, and back. It softened, "I wanna believe you, but how-"

Sammy put a finger to his lips to quiet him and said "I know what happened, but I can't tell you right now. Just...trust me when I say you'll find out soon, okay?"

DJ looked deep into her, and smiled. "Okay," he told her, "I trust you." The background music broke out into something light but sad as the two shared one a kiss. It lingered until the much-annoyed host loudly cleared his throat, and the two lovers broke apart.

/

The traditional solemn and sombre departure music began to play as the footage flashed forward to DJ heading out down the Walk of Shame. He lingered as the others gathered nearby, and he turned to face them. "Sammy, I just wanna say I love you and I hope you go all the way to the end." He waved at the girl, and she blushed and blew him a kiss. Grinning, he turned his attention to Jo – though she still wouldn't look him in the eye.

"As for you...good luck, Jo, you're gonna need it." He extended his hand to the jock-ette, and after a moment she took it wordlessly and shook it. The two former teammates finally looked each other in the eyes again, but Jo quickly looked and walked away leaving DJ confused.

"And Lightning," the brickhouse turned a smile towards the sole remaining young man. "Brother, make sure you figure out what's best for _you_." The overachiever pursed his lips for a moment as though annoyed, but soon nodded at his sometimes-rival and former roommate.

"I guess this is goodbye then!" DJ said, finishing with a wave and a grin as he started walking down the red carpet again.

/

The scene skipped ahead to him giving one last wave before getting into the loser's limousine and speeding off, and Chris McLean walked into view and the main capstone theme began to play. "And on that note, TDA says goodbye to it's most lovable player. Tune in next time for another hot rockin' episode of, Total! Drama! Action!"

Though the music faded out, the scene did not. Instead, the camera slow-panned back over to the amphitheater, then cut up close to Sammy, now sitting alone in the top row of the bleachers. Wiping away a few tears from her cheeks, she took out her secret camcorder and checked what she'd recorded.

The camera zoomed in on her face as it rapidly changed from mild expectation, to furrow-browed confusion, to wide-eyed shock. She gasped sharply, dropped the camcorder, and ran off; the scene did not follow her. Instead, the viewpoint moved to get a better angle on the playback screen.

A series of dramatically booming notes played in succession as the shot zoomed in to see a paused image which clearly showed Jo, eyes firmly on her voting device, pressing the button next to DJ's smiling face.

(Fade to Credits)

/

/

/

/

/

/

**[Bonus Clip]**

Although DJ was smiling widely at the camera, his expression soon quivered and failed. He hung his head and sighed sadly, then looked right up into the camera. "Sammy just got back, but now _I_ have to leave? How wack is _that_."

He sat up a little straighter. "I wonder what she was talkin' about though, about not blamin' Jo?" he wonered aloud. "Did she learn somethin' when she was out of the competition? She musta." DJ suddenly looked down thoughtfully, and rubbed his chin. "Come to think of it, this isn't the first elimination that didn't make sense a lotta sense. First there was Beardo, and then...was _Dawn's_ boot a mistake too? And is that what happened to me?"

DJ shook his head a couple times, then slumped down adn held it in his hands. "Man, I can't even _begin_ to figure this out. All I know is someone better fill me in, and soon. But until then," he looked up at the camera with a smile, "I just gotta root for Sammy. Keep her in my thoughts, and look forward to seein' her beat her sister and _win_ this competition." He held up the half-heart pendant she'd given him so long ago and kissed it.

* * *

**Author's Note - Post Script**

So, I expect this to be one of the more controversial chapters of this season, and perhaps even of the series as a whole. There's been a lot of different opinions about the 'mole' plotline from canon amongst the reviewers; some were looking forward to who I brought back, other wanted me to do away with the point entirely, and still others were ambivalent. In the end I decided to go through with what I had planned originally, which was to bring back Sammy, but give her a bit more reason to be here.

Specifically, I decided to give her the goal of investigating Scarlett as I quickly realized that there'd be no way she wouldn't have remembered the accusations against the brainiac. Obviously, she ended up unwittingly blowing her cover, but that won't be the end to this storyline.

Oh, and as for why I thought this chapter was one of the best things to come out of keeping B over Topher? It was entirely due to the fact that I had originally planned this elimination to be another 'fixed' one - the second, in fact, since Beardo's. But once I decided to keep B, I needed to have Dawn's elimination be suspicious, and I ended up deciding against overdoing the plotpoint by having Jo actually and intentionally vote out DJ. That action, and the consequences it'll bring, are something I've really enjoyed writing.

Speaking of DJ, sorry to his fans out there. I know a bunch of people were expecting him to be a finalist, but it just wasn't meant to be. He's one of my favorites, but that doesn't mean I'm going to keep him around if I have a very good reason to have him let go.

So with DJ gone and Sammy back in the game, even if she isn't technically in the running for the win, I'm eager to hear what you all think. Let me know with a review, and I'll see you next week!

\- Fangren

* * *

**Appendix: TSA Eliminated Contestants**

Geoff - (Tied for 15th Place)

Bridgette - (Tied for 15th Place)

Shawn - (14th Place)

Alejandro - (13th Place)

Sierra - (12th Place)

Beardo - (11th Place)

Topher - (10th Place)

Sammy - (9th Place; Returned But Ineligible for Victory)

Beth - (8th Place)

Dawn - (7th Place)

B - (6th Place)

DJ - (5th Place)


	22. Chapter 22 - Crouching Amy, Hidden Samey

**Author's Note**

We're getting closer by the week, folks! I only have one more chapter to write before starting work on the finale, and in about a month this season will all be over. Right now, though, is the final reward challenge. I hope you all like it as much as I do.

Oh, and Total Shuffled Action has officially overtaken Total Shuffled Island in number of reviews! I'm super happy, especially since this season isn't even over yet.

But first, the reviews.

**Ddynamo:** Oh yes, I definitely have some vaguely-defined plans for Harold... And as for Sammy...well, just read on and see how she's faring!

**aloasa:** I am embarrassed to have missed that, but I've changed it now so thank you for catching the mistake. Also, I'm glad you liked the changes I've made to the 'mole' sub-plot, and I hope you continue to enjoy Sammy's stay in the season.

**Elizabeth Life Stone:** Thanks!

**Invader Cole:** Well, I'm glad you don't mind me going with the mole plotline for Sammy. Also, the canon episode was "Crouching Courtney, Hidden Owen" not the other way around. That's all I' saying for now, so I hope you enjoy the chapter!

**Knifez:** Haha, always good to know I've surprised you. Let's see, what else to say...gender imbalances annoy me as well, but this is just how things ended up working out this time around. Oh, and I think you'll like this chapter.

**FOWLKON:** I'm glad you liked it! And Scarlett's plot for this season is definitely reaching its climax soon...

**StayOuttaMyShed:** All I'm gonna say right now is that Scarlett would have at least tried to convince Jo even if she hadn't overheard Sammy, but then still try to get some 'insurance' that the vote would go her way; and that you're correct in saying I should have tried harder to include more DJ/Sammy moments, regardless of how much other stuff I needed to do with her. For the rest...well, I'm just gonna have to smile ominously at it.

**StarHeart Specials:** Haha yup, that's last chapter in a nutshell.

**POPGoesDaWeasel:** Next season's new competitors will be revealed when the Celebrity Manhunt Special goes up on July 31st. As for Scarlett's taste in music, I'm aware that not all brainiacs are the same, I just didn't want Scarlett to be particularly good with rock music.

**I. M. Poik:** Ah, right, right. Thanks for the review as always, and interesting predictions as well. I may end up reconsidering doing RR after it's fully come out, but for now I'm gonna assume I won't be able to make a meaningful change to it just by setting it in the Shuffledverse.

**OMAC001:** Well, you'll just have to wait and see...

**Ali6132:** Yeah, I guess that makes sense. And no offense taken about you not liking Lightning, we all have characters we like and dislike. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter, and thanks for the review!

**Bruno 14:** Thanks! I hope you do well with your guitar playing. Oh, and the songs for next season will mostly be new ones, but there will be some that are basically different versions of the canon song, redone to fit the SHuffled cast better.

**acosta perez jose ramiro:** Yeah, pretty much. Thanks for the review as always!

**Zak Saturday:** Not quite - this week is the Kung Fu genre, next week is the Space Age. After that is the Animal Buddy movie, then the two-part finale...

**The Prime Writer:** Yeah, I've gotten the feeling from a few other reviewers that I would have been fine not bringing anyone back, but I decided a long time ago that I wanted Sammy to come back here. Thanks for letting me know what you thought of the chapter, and don't worry about the irregular reviews - I myself am not the best at reviewing stories quickly if at all, so I can't be mad at other people for doing the same thing. I'm just grateful that this story has gotten to a point where I can expect a load of reviews each week.

**Glowing Insanity:** Haha, I'm glad you liked it, even though Sammy can't win. Interesting analysis of what could have happened, but you'll just have to see how things pan out now. After all, the only one who knows exactly what could happen is myself.

**Star Saber21:** I'm glad you liked it, though I was figuring someone would be annoyed that Scarlett found out what Sammy was doing so quickly. I'm fine with it, but I do hope you keep enjoying this story until the very end.

Those out of the way, time for the weekly reminder:

Girls \- Amy, Jo, Sammy, Scarlett

Boys \- Lightning

Not many names left now, so get ready for the latest episode of Total Shuffled Action!

\- Fangren

* * *

**Episode 22 – Crouching Amy, Hidden Samey**

"Last time, on Total Drama Action!" The intro began with the stock shot of the film lot before cutting to Chef performing a drumroll. "After a _surprise_ returning contestant," Sammy was shown getting shot out of a cannon, "the cast was given the chance to let loose." A quick montage of the six castmates playing their guitar-shaped peripherals was shown. "The rocked it, they socked it," DJ was shown accidentally knocking into the female photographer standee and breaking it, "and they _trashed_ it like rock stars." In the hotel room set, the twins were shown dueling with paintings and Lightning was shown spinning a potted tree around like a hammer and sending it flying through a wall.

"But in a display of toughness it was _Jo_ who finally won invincibility." A few shorts clips played back-to-back of the jock-ette lifting and throwing the bed, then throwing a boom mic like a javelin, and finally the remaining two walls of the set falling down. "Samey was quick to reunite with her boyfriend and their alliance was set to either eliminate the _meaner_ sibling, or unwittingly expose a few, uhh, _wrongdoings_," the host explained over clips of the nice twin's confessionals and the small camcorder she used to record the votes.

"Sadly," Chris laughed, "it all backfired on her when Jo stabbed DJ in the back, sending him packing." The elimination was replayed in part, with the gentle giant looking shocked and the mean twin getting off the hook for yet another week.

The recap ended there, and flashed over to Sammy sulking sadly on her bottom bunk. "Will Samey survive with everyone against her?" Another flash took the focus to Lightning doing sit-ups alone in the guys' trailer. "And will Lightning _ever_ do something about Amy?" He overachiever paused mid-rep to give the camera puzzled look.

"All this and more," Chris told the camera as the scene changed to the area in front of the trailers, "on another thrilling episode of, Total! Drama! Action!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be...famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be...famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

The episode opened with the door to the guys' trailer bursting open and Lightning walking into the room alone. "Oh yeah," he congratulated himself, "sha-Lightning advances one week closer to the finale! Plus," he added as he put his hands on his hip and looked around the room, "now he's the only dude left in the competition!"

He grinned, but it faltered after a moment. "This ain't really as good as Lightning thought it would be, though. He's not even sure if he wants the girl he's already sha-with."

The viewpoint changed to his bunk as the uber-jock pulled himself onto it and laid down on his back. "On one hand, Amy is _still_ smokin' hot. Plus, she knows what she wants! On the _other_ hand," he frowned, "she ain't the girl she made herself out to be. Nobody really likes her, and even though she does have _some_ moves, they ain't on the same level as sha-Lightning's."

He took a deep breath. "Plus, she's been tryin' to get Lightning to split the prize money with her, when she _should_ be focusin' on tryin' to win! That ain't right. If this keeps up, Lightning's gonna have to dump her." He briefly turned his head to look across the room expectantly, but frowned again and propped himself up no his elbows. "But first, he needs to remember to _change_ before goes to bed."

/

A flash took the scene outside for a moment before the camera zoomed in on the girls' trailer and cut inside. It's four occupants were also readying themselves for bed, and overall they looked considerably more tired than Lightning.

"I just don't understand how you could do it," Sammy told Jo, who was pointedly ignoring her. "Like, I thought you got _along_ with DJ!"

A snort from Amy took the camera's focus across the room. "_Obviously_," she taunted, "she was just using him to get further in the competition. I mean, _hello_, who could actually like him? DJ's just a wimpy momma's boy with terrible taste in, well," she mockingly rolled her eyes as though taking the time to think, "everything!" She smiled nastily at her sister, who scowled right back.

"Umm, DJ is _incredibly_ sweet," Sammy countered. "He has a big heart, and really cares about people. Plus," she added, "he's a great cook! He's better than any boyfriend _you've_ ever had."

Amy narrowed her eyes at her sister. "Take that back," she snapped. "Right. _Now_." She glared fiercely and Sammy's resolve seemed to waver for a moment before she bit her lip and looked away defiantly. The older twin fumed, but it was Scarlett who spoke next.

"As fascinating as your sibling rivalry is," she said from her top bunk with a smirk on her face, "I notice that Jo's remained unusually quiet despite the accusations placed on her."

Immediately, the attention of both twins was drawn to the jock-ette. She had been quietly changing in a corner, but suddenly paused for a brief moment as the camera showed Sammy watching her back. She sighed, then looked back over her shoulder. "Look, it wasn't personal okay? I only voted the big guy out because I figured it might be my last shot. I don't have anything _against_ DJ, but I didn't wanna go up against him in the _finale_ either." The two held an awkward look for a moment before Sammy looked away, disappointment on her face.

xxx

Jo opened her confessional by sighing and palming her face. "Am I seriously letting myself feel _guilty_ about this?" she asked the ceiling. "It was the right move! I did nothing wrong!" She held a pleading pose to the sky for a second, then lowered her head and palmed her face again. "Maybe I really _did_ get soft..."

"Oh, and by the way," she lowered her hand and gave the camera a serious look, "I'm not gonna chicken out and blame that vote on Scarlett. Even if she tipped the scales a little bit, it was still _my_ decision to go through with it."

xxx

Sammy frowned and looked away. "Well, I hope you're _happy_ with yourself. Everyone on the Aftermath was talking about how you'd become a better ally this season, but I guess you fooled them."

Jo opened her mouth to say something, then furrowed her brow in confusion. "Wait, what do you mean '_Aftermath_'?"

"Bleggh, it's this crappy _after-show_ they force everyone to do if they're not competing," Amy explained in an extremely annoyed tone. "They interview all the losers, too. Dakota Milton and her gross nerd boyfriend host it." She sniffed dismissively, then snidely added "I can't believe I ever thought she had good _taste_."

"Sounds like a complete waste of time," Jo grunted while Scarlett looked suddenly thoughtful behind her. "I really don't _care_ what the others think of me. I'm standing by my vote, and that's that."

"I guess so," Sammy said forcefully, turning and walking away from the jock-ette.

Jo rolled her eyes, then climbed up into her bed and laid down to sleep. The camera focused in on her as the lights went out and she closed her eyes, and the world around her seemed to fade into something brighter and greener.

/

She awoke with a start to the sound of a large gong. The shot pulled out rapidly, showing that she and the others were all lying in the middle of some woods – Amy and Lightning to the right; Scarlett and Sammy to the left.

"What's happening?" the nice twin shouted in alarm as she woke up.

"Where are we?" the meaner sister screamed, gasping and adding "Did we get _abducted_?"

Jo looked around suspiciously, sniffed the air, and held her nose. "Crap, this is the stench of Camp Wawanakwa!"

A strong gust of wind blew through the clearing the five were in, stirring up leaves and bringing with it the sound of a paixiao – a traditional Chinese pan flute-like instrument. A few pines rustled, and the camera panned down just as Chris seemingly floated out of them in lotus position, wearing a white martial arts uniform with a red belt around his waist and a headband emblazoned with a Japanese 'rising sun'.

"Sha-whoa!"

"No. _Way_."

Lightning and Amy watched in amazement as the host floated past them, oblivious to the wires leading up from his back. He stopped somewhere between Jo and Amy, flipped himself into a one-handed handstand, did a few mid-air somersaults, landed on one knee to punch the air a few times, then stood up and bowed – all with his eyes closed.

A gong sounded again, and he opened his eyes and unhooked his harness with a small smile. It 'floated' back the way he'd come from, and Amy pursed her lips. "Oh, it's just _wires_. Here I thought you did something _cool_."

"Honorable competitors," Chris announced without acknowledging the mean girl's comment, "welcome to the Total Drama Kung Fu reward challenge. Shot on location here," he motioned to the forest around them, "in the beautiful Japanese woods. Now, we _were_ gonna pit girls against boys today," he told them, "but since DJ's gone, we're gonna have to change things up a bit."

He quickly glanced at the castmates and the camera followed, panning across Scarlett, Sammy, Jo, Amy, and Lightning. All five had expectant looks on our faces, and the host grinned. "Today, I'm thinkin' it's Amy and Lightning versus _Samey_ and _Jo_." The four named contestants immediately looked at their teammates, and the camera quick-panned to Scarlett as her hand shot up.

"And what _exactly_ is my role to be in today's challenge?" the brainiac asked.

"Not to worry," Chris told her. "Although Amy and Samey and their assigned partners are gonna be today's main attraction, you'll still have a chance to win reward _another_ way. Just do as I tell you to and don't ask questions, m'kay?"

"Hrmm," Scarlett sounded in displeasure, "I suppose I have little choice."

"_Exactly_," the host replied.

xxx

"_Apparently_," the brainiac explained in the confessional trailer, "my 'challenge', if you can call it that, is to do a number of mundane tasks that normally would have been assigned to Chef Hatchet. I'll be acting as something of an intermediary between the two teams, and as long as I don't mess up I'll get to compete for reward later on."

She tapped her chin and minorly adjusted her glasses. "Although I take offense to the baseless accusations that were so _obviously_ the reason behind my being singled out, I welcome the opportunity and change of pace."

xxx

"In kung fu movies," Chris explained as he paced between the castmates, "actors train with stunt choreographers before they film their fight scenes. So, today, each team will have a _trainer_ and a _fighter_. The twinnies are the fighters, while Jo and Lightning are stuck training them as hard as they can in the kung fu style of their choice." He struck a pose, then adopted an extremely stereotypical east -Asian accent for his final remarks. "The battle begins when noble heron flies east."

"Umm, _translation_ please?" Amy demanded.

"Four hours," Chris answered bluntly as he hooked his harness back around his waist. "May the best fu win! _Excelsior_!" A reverb effect was added to his final word, shouted as he ascended into the sky.

The camera moved over to Amy and Lightning, the cheerleader crossing her arms and scowling. "And why do _I_ have to do the fighting anyway?" she grumbled as she walked away, Lightning looking up and shaking his head as he followed her.

A quick-pan over to Sammy and Jo showed them eying each other warily. "Look, we're stuck together so we may as well win this thing," the jock-ette said. "Unless you want your _sister_ to win again?"

Sammy frowned. "Okay, but I'm still mad at you for betraying DJ," she said as she followed Jo away from the clearing.

xxx

"Honestly, I'm almost madder at _myself_ for letting it happen than I am at Jo," Sammy confessed. "I should've tried harder to make sure the vote last time went in our favor, even if Scarlett _did_ try to cheat." She sighed. "I guess now I just have to hope I last long enough to beat my sister." She smiled weakly at the camera.

xxx

The scene cut to a close-up of a whistle as it was blown, the camera zooming out to show Jo standing before Sammy with a stern look on her face and a clipboard in her hands. "Alright maggot," the jock-ette barked, "first thing's first: _waxing_!" She motioned to her left, and the camera panned over to show a parking lot filled with expensive-looking cars as well as the limousine of losers. "Gotta work on your, uh," she quickly glanced down at her clipboard, "_hand_ movements."

"Okay," the cheerleader said as she bent down by the limo and picked up a rag and spray bottle from a bin on the ground, "but I'm not sure this is gonna help."

A brief cut over to some bushes showed Scarlett craning her head above them quietly. She peered closely at the two girls, wrote something on a pad of paper, and ducked back behind the bush.

"Too bad," Jo answered her student. "This is what you gotta do to be a kung fu master."

Sammy sighed lightly, then knelt down and began rubbing the limousine.

/

"Why are we doing _waxing_," Amy griped as the scene flashed to her and Lightning standing just inside the dining tent. "I haven't needed one in weeks!"

"Because Lightning _said_ so!" the uber-jock answered in a hushed voice. "It's for your training so get out there and do it!" He forced a jar of wax and spreading stick into her hands, then pushed her outside. The camera cut to show her stumbling up to a sleeping – and shirtless – Chef Hatchet. She sent a quick glare over her shoulder, then cringed as she began to apply wax to the giant man's hairy chest. In the background, Scarlett could be made out poking her head around the corner of the tent and observing the scene quietly.

Back inside, Lightning winced as a painful rip was heard, followed by a holler from Chef and a scream from Amy.

/

"Twenty-two! Twenty-three!" Lightning called out as he looked over a somewhat disheveled Amy doing push-ups somewhere in the woods. "Come on, get movin'! You wanna win, you gotta use the Eye of the Tiger!"

"That doesn't," Amy huffed as she did another push-up, "make any _sense_!"

"Feel the tiger runnin' through you!" Lightning shouted. "Be _one_ with it's ferociousness!"

The camera pulled back to show Jo and Sammy also training nearby. "Forget the _tiger_, be the _dragon_!" the jock-ette told her charge as the younger twin grit her teeth and kept pushing up. "Nimble and fast, but powerful enough to _crush_ the opposition!"

As Sammy lowered herself down, Jo stepped onto the girl's back. The cheerleader grunted in annoyance but resumed anyways, and the jock-ette shot a smirk over at Lightning. It fell off immediately, however, when she saw him standing on Amy's back as well, and on top of a large rock to boot. The two athletes stared each other down, the twins still grunting beneath them.

/

A few loons called as the scene cut to Sammy standing awkwardly on a post in the middle of the lake.

"Okay, you've already got good balance," Jo told her as she rowed up in a canoe filled with dodgeballs. "Now to see how well you can _dodge_!" The cheerleader gulped and her eyes went wide just before Jo began hurling balls at her. She squeaked and squealed as she ducked and jumped and leaned out of the way of the first few, but eventually one caught her in the chest and knocked her off the pole.

"Come on, you can do better than _that_!" Jo berated from the canoe as Sammy surfaced with an annoyed look on her face.

/

Another flash put the focus on Amy and Lightning's legs as she sat on a picnic bench and he stood behind her.

"_Now_ what are we doing?" the older twin complained, the camera panning up to show her boyfriend tying a white blindfold around her eyes. "Seriously, I can't even see like this."

"Jeez, ain't you ever heard of fightin' blind?" Lightning answered. "You gotta hone your reflexes, use your mind's eye and junk. Now stand up."

"I thought it was the eye of the tiger?" Amy grumbled as she shakily got to her feet her arms held out in front of her.

"Uhh, it's the _mind's_ eye of the tiger," Lightning corrected as he gave the large stick he was holding a few test waves. "Now try not to get hit."

"Wait, wha-?" was all Amy managed to get out before the overachiever thwacked her in the shoulder with the stick. "_Oww_!"

xxx

"What's with treating me like a _punching bag_ all of a sudden?" Amy complained in the make-up confessional. "It's like he's suddenly mixed up me and _Samey_." She crossed her arms and turned a pout away from the camera.

xxx

Jo blew her whistle again, and the camera zoomed out from her to show the Amy-like scarecrow she was standing next to. It was little more than a few bundles of hay stuffed into a spare cheerleading uniform and strapped to a pole in the ground, with a pumpkin for a head with a photograph of Amy taped to the front.

"Okay, time to use all that _rage_ pent up inside you and show me what you got," Jo told her student with a confident smirk, giving the pumpkin-headed dummy a pat and walking to the side a little ways.

Sammy nodded seriously at it, then seemed to pause and grow hesitant. "Umm...how do I do that, exactly?"

Jo groaned and palmed her face. "I don't know, just punch it or kick it or something! Heck, do some cheerleader flips or whatever, just do whatever comes naturally!"

"Oh," Sammy blinked, nodding again and looking at the dummy of her sister with renewed confidence. She took a breath, then seemed to walk away...only to suddenly turn around, charge forward, and handspring into a flying kick that snapped the scarecrow's back and sent its head flying off.

"Not bad!" Jo told her with an amused smirk.

The camera cut over to Scarlett as she watched from behind a wide tree. "Not bad _indeed_," she muttered as she quickly jotted something down.

/

"Okay, give it all you got!" Lightning instructed, standing behind a red punching bag that had been crudely drawn on to look like the younger twin.

Amy grunted. "Do I seriously have to? I'm already sweaty enough as it is, and it's not like this is gonna help me beat Samey more than I already _will_."

"Just start sha-_punchin_', will ya?" Lightning told her in annoyance. "You're supposed to be _trainin_', not _complainin_'."

"Urrgh, fine, whatever," the mean girl said before slapping the punching bag.

"You call that a punch? Harder, girl, harder!" Lightning commanded.

Amy pursed her lips. "This," she drew back her right fist, "is," Lightning watched expectantly, "_pointless_!" She punched it properly this time, and it had enough force to slam the bag into the uber-jock and knock him clear off his feet. "I am _sooo_ done with this," Amy growled before stomping away, leaving her boyfriend to rub his head and glare at her.

/

The footage skipped ahead, flashing over to the top of a pagoda with the sun cresting behind some hills far in the background. A gong sounded, and some Chinese-sounding music played as the camera panned down, showing the two teams walking up to smaller buildings on either side of the main pagoda. The gong was off to the left, and in the middle was a wide flat area with nothing in it save a large object hidden behind an ornate paper divider.

A puff of pink smoke went off in front of the mystery object, and Chris emerged from it playing a paixiao. He tossed it away after a few notes, then turned around and addressed the camera. "Most worthy competitors!" he began. "Welcome to the Total Drama Kung Fu Showdown!"

The scene immediately cut away to the tops of some pine trees as someone in sandals began 'jumping' across them. Zooming out and up the figure was revealed to be Chef Hatchet, now dressed as a rough approximation of an unarmored samurai. He did a few mid-air spins as he jumped from the trees to the roofs, then down to the ground slicing the paper divider a few times with his katana before leaping away. The cuts inexplicably set on fire, and the divider quickly burned away to reveal a pair of large robotic exosuits – one red, the other blue.

The gong sounded, and the castmates gasped. "See, the fighters go in the robot suits," Chris explained, "and the trainers operate 'em with these here joysticks!" He whipped out a pair of old-school video game joysticks from behind his back to show the teams.

"So what the heck was the point of training them if they aren't even gonna be doing the fighting?" Jo asked in disbelief.

"It's a lesson in zen, oh young one," the host explained happily before throwing the joysticks to Jo and Lightning as though he were performing a martial arts maneuver. "Two minutes till the match begins! Suit up, fighters!"

He vanished in another puff of pink smoke.

"Umm, are you sure you know how to work this thing?" Sammy asked cautiously, now strapped in to the blue suit.

"Yeah yeah, you'll be fine," Jo said as she fiddled with the joystick a few times. Several mechanical whirs were heard, and the camera panned back over to show Sammy bent over backwards balanced on one foot, the other legcrossed hard over to the right. "Heheh, whoops," the jock-ette said somewhat sheepishly before setting her straight again.

The camera quick-panned over to Amy in the red suit with Lightning controlling her. "Well _this_ is the weirdest thing I've ever done in my entire life," the cheerleader deadpanned as her boyfriend eagerly made her flex her arms.

Just then, Chris reappeared in yet another puff of pink smoke. "Enough practice!" he said as the gong was rung. "When the beautiful geisha sounds the gong, the match will begin."

He motioned over to the gong, where Scarlett stood by in full geisha garb including makeup and wig. Holding a folded-up paper fan in one hand and a gong mallet in the other, she looked absolutely displeased.

'This is culturally inappropriate on _far_ more levels than I'm willing to elaborate on right now," she deadpanned. "The _least_ of which is that geishas are Japanese, while the martial arts movies our challenge is based on originate in _Hong Kong_."

"Ehh," Chris shrugged, "I really don't care, Scarlett. Just make like I told you to, okay?"

Scarlett sighed frustratedly, her eyes flashing red for a split second. "Very well." She began to walk over towards the others, unfurling her paper fan only to clap it back shut every few seconds. She paused inside the pagoda that had been allotted to Amy and Lightning.

"Wassup, geisha girl?" Lightning asked.

"Although I don't know if this information is relevant anymore, I feel you ought to know that Sammy is deceptively strong," the brainiac whispered to the boy, shielding her mouth with her hand and staring straight ahead. "Don't assume you'll win because you're partnered with the self-proclaimed 'stronger twin'." She started to walk away, but soon paused and undid her step. "Oh, and she might favor flying kicks if she's able to, so try to keep her at a close range."

"Sha-got it," the uber-jock nodded in a voice only barely lower than his normal one. "Thanks for the intel nerdy geisha girl, although Lightning woulda been just fine without it."

"Pfft, as if _Samey_ could possibly beat _me_," Amy scoffed. "Thanks for spying for me though, I guess."

"You're welcome," Scarlett said dryly before walking away from the two. Lightning resumed his attempts to learn the joystick controls, and the camera panned over to the other team where Jo was watching with suspicion in her eyes.

"What were _they_ just talking about?" Jo asked aloud to her partner. "She'd better not have given them some kind of inside info."

"Wouldn't surprise me," Sammy said in a slightly awkward tone. "I guess we can ask her though, she looks like she's coming over."

The camera pulled back to show that the brainiac was, indeed, approaching the two young women. As with Lightning and Amy she didn't meet their gaze, simply staring straight ahead and occasionally flicking her paper fan in annoyance.

"What do you want?" Jo asked as soon as Scarlett was within earshot. The costumed girl ignored her for a few moments until she was on the pagoda next to her, then paused and put her hand in front of her her mouth.

"As a peace offering of sorts, I've decided to give you some advice for the match," Scarlett whispered. Jo and Sammy shared a look then raised their eyebrows at the brainiac, who took the signal to continue. "To the extent that her fighting ability will actually _matter_, you should be aware that Amy's strongest when she's been angered or annoyed. As long as you attack her quickly, you should be able to take her off guard."

"So basically what we were gonna do anyway," Jo replied.

"Yeah, uh, thanks," Sammy told Scarlett awkwardly. "But I _did_ already know some of that."

"Thank you for your time regardless," the brainiac droned before walking away.

xxx

"I'm supposed to figure out if Scarlett's been cheating or not," Sammy wondered aloud in the confessional, "so maybe I should try to form an alliance with her? Or at least _pretend_ to, anyway. But unless _Jo_," she frowned angrily, "still wants to work with me, I still won't have a good chance at voting Amy out."

xxx

The footage cut back to Chris standing in a meditative pose as Scarlett walked up to him and cleared her throat.

"So, which team got the inside track?" the host asked in a hushed tone with a sideways glance towards her.

"That depends on how they make use of the advice I gave them," Scarlett answered dryly.

"Wait, you fed _both_ teams information?" Chris repeated in disbelief. "You were supposed to _sabotage_ one of them to make things more interesting!"

"I _did_ attempt to make the match more interesting," Scarlett said. "I just chose to do so in a different manner than what you told me."

Chris pinched the bridge of his nose and grunted in irritation. "Fine! Whatever! Just hit the gong already, okay?"

Without another word, Scarlett walked over to the gong and struck it with her mallet. The sound reverberated through the air, shaking both geisha and host. "Let the match begin!" Chris announced, his voice wobbling as a drum-filled battle theme began to play.

Lightning and Jo were each shown moving their joysticks, and the suited-up twins approached each other.

"I hope you're ready to lose again, Samey," Amy taunted, "because _this_ tiger's gonna maul you!"

"Haha," Sammy laughed unamusedly, "not if this _dragon_ burns you alive first." Her suit got the first blow, kicking the older twin in the shin.

Amy frowned. "Hey, don't you know you're not supposed to _threaten_ your _sister_?" she berated as her robot suit punched Sammy in the chest.

"Oof!" Sammy said as she took the hit, her suit moving back a tiny bit before Jo moved it forward to punch their opponent in the shoulder. "Well it's not like that's ever stopped _you_!"

The red suit stumbled back a step, and Amy growled. "That's because _you_ only do anything when I _force_ you to!" she countered as Lightning furrowed his brow and flicked the joystick a few times, resulting in a strong left hook that Jo only just managed to get the blue suit to duck. "You always _whine_ and _moan_ about doing the teensiest little things! It's so _annoying_!"

"_You're_ annoying!" Sammy countered as Jo had her unleash a flurry of punches to Amy's face and chest.

Now sporting a few bruises, Amy shrieked in fury. "How _dare_ you!" She sent a brief glare towards Lightning, who responded by pursing his lips and inputting a few hurried commands with the joystick. The red suit grabbed the blue suit by the shoulders and Amy craned her head back, then before Jo or Sammy could respond the mean twin headbutted her sister hard. The headgear absorbed most of the impact, but the nice twin still got a bruised nose for her trouble. To make matters worse, Lightning comboed the move into a vicious punch to Sammy's gut that actually sent her flying back a couple yards.

Sammy landed on her belly, and Amy grinned mockingly down at her.

"Come on, get up already!" Jo hissed at her joystick as she frantically moved it around.

"You're _nothing_, Samey," Amy taunted. "That's all you've ever been, and all you'll ever be. I'm stronger than you, smarter than you, hotter than you, _better_ than you in every way and it's high time you remembered that! I have _everyone_ in this game wrapped around my little finger doing what _I_ want them to," the camera briefly cut to the surprised faces on Chris, Scarlett, Lightning, and Jo, "while you're just a bag of _my_ spare parts that should just give up before she embarrasses herself anymore than she does just by _existing_."

The camera cut to a close-up of Sammy's eyes, narrowed fiercely and filled with tears. "No...," she muttered softly. "You're wrong. You're absolutely _wrong_!" Her voice, her body, and the background music all rose with each word, and with a triumphant grin from Jo as she pulled back on her joystick Sammy got back on her feet.

"I have _friends_! And people who actually _love_ me!" she yelled at her stunned sister. "I'm _not_ gonna live in your shadow anymore! And for the last time," a grinning Jo pushed forward on the joystick causing the blue suit to charge with Sammy in it, "my name," she jumped into the air, causing Amy to gape and Lightning to frantically move his joystick to no effect, "is _SAMMY_!"

The screen changed into letterbox format and the drums returned as the flying kick was shown frame-by-frame. Fire in her eyes, Sammy's outstretched leg hit her sister square in the gut. Amy's eyes bugged out as she seemed to fold in two, her robot suit shattering into pieces as she flew back. She finally landed on her back, completely unprotected as bits of her armor landed around her. Sammy was shown standing over her, smiling triumphantly.

The music and camera shifted back to normal as the focus moved over to Chris, who had an utterly ecstatic look on his face. "That. Was. _Awesome_!" he exclaimed, throwing his hands up and laughing in excitement. "But anyway," he regained his usual level of composure and looked at the camera. "We'll see if Amy survived after _this_." He then turned his head to the side and called "Medic!"

(Fade to Commercial and Back)

The episode faded back in to a shot of Scarlett and Lightning looking down at something from above. "Come on girl, wake up!" the jock pleaded as the viewpoint inverted to show Amy still lying on the ground where she'd landed.

"Huh?" Amy said groggily as she opened her eyes and sat up. "What happened?" she asked before gasping in horror.

"And the winners are," Chris announced as victorious music began to play, "Jo and _Samey_!"

The shot pulled back to show the winning team – Sammy still in the battlesuit – standing nearby with grins on their faces.

"Yes! I did it!" Sammy cheered as excitedly as she could wearing the heavy robotic armor. "I _really_ did it!"

"Sure did," Jo told her with a smirk.

"Okay, this has _got_ to be a nightmare," Amy grumbled. "Either that, or _somebody_ messed up big time," she glared up at her partner.

"Hey, _Lightning_ ain't the one who ticked off the other team and made 'em fight harder," the uber-jock countered.

"Umm, can someone let me out now?" Sammy spoke up to ask. "This suit's, umm, kind of _heavy_."

Without warning, Chef leapt out from off-camera and sliced the front off the suit with his sword. Sammy inhaled sharply in fear as he did so, and seconds later the front half of the suit was lying on the ground. "Th-thanks," she said meekly.

xxx

"Oh em gee I thought he was actually gonna _kill_ me," Sammy confessed. "Or, uhh, cut off the front of my _clothes_, which would've been just as bad.

xxx

The line-up was now Amy, Lightning, Geisha Scarlett, Chris, Sammy, Jo, and Samurai Chef. "Samey and Jo have won the first challenge," the host explained, "and they'll be continuing on to compete for the reward. Amy and Lightning," he turned to the losing team, "you're gone. Here's where things get interesting."

"By which you mean _painful_," Jo corrected.

"Correction," Chris told her with a grin, "_exciting_ means painful. '_Interesting'_ always means life-threatening."

"Hah!" Amy laughed viciously.

"_Crap_," Jo muttered while Sammy's smile faded.

"Each of you must carry a glass of water to the top of the tallest mountain in Japan, Mt. Banshee." Chris explained, holding up a glass of water and motioning behind him. The camera quick-panned to a shot of Camp Wawanakwa's thousand-foot-high cliff, then zoomed in to show a potted bonsai tree sitting on a rock.

"There you'll find a bonsai tree guarded by a _mysterious_ kung fu master." The shot panned to a cave on the left, where the Sasquatchankwa sat cross-legged dressed as a certain thunder-wielding character from a popular fighting-game franchise. In front of him was a campfire, where a tea kettle hung on a stick. "Try not to spill any water on the way up," Chris warned as the shot zoomed in on the kettle and crackling flame, "you'll need it to brew kung fu tea as _payment_ for the bonsai."

"And if there isn't enough tea to make the master happy," the host continued as the shot moved back to him, "he'll make sure _you_ aren't happy either." He dumped out the glass and let it fell with a tinkling crash, and the two girls shot each other worried looks. "First girl to bring the bonsai _back_ down the mountain alive, wins. Oh, and since Scarlett did a decent enough job as a geisha, _she_ gets to compete for reward too!"

The brainiac smirked confidently, then Chris added "_With_ a penalty for having disobeyed one of my orders." Scarlett's face fell back into annoyance. "But hey, at least she gets to do the deadly climb with the two of you. As for our _losers_," he turned back to Amy and Lightning, "you're sentenced to zen lessons." The two shared a confused look. "AKA, _kitchen duty_!" he clarified.

Amy and Lightning grumbled in protest as Chef approached them to the tune of a light military drumline. "_March_ two three four!" he ordered, poking Amy with his sword. "_March_ two three four!" He repeated the gesture with Lightning, and herded the two teens off-camera. "Let's go! Ease up!"

/

The scene flashed over to the foot of the hill where Scarlett, Jo, and Sammy had their heads turned skywards and their water glasses in hand.

"It's _taller_ than I remember it," Sammy lamented.

"An optical illusion, I think," Scarlett remarked offhandedly.

"Well, better get this over with," Jo finished as she walked up to the cliff face and reached up for a handhold.

The camera moved to a bird's-eye-view centered on the jock-ette's determined face as she slowly climbed upwards, then moved over and down to Sammy. "Well, if I beat my sister in a fight," she told herself, "...kind of...then I can do this too." She took a breath, then began to climb.

"And naturally," Scarlett added as the viewpoint returned to normal, "I'll be joining you on this life-endangering task _after_ your allotted two-minute head start."

"Lucky you," Jo told her, now a few feet off the ground. "You can catch us if we fall."

"I seriously doubt I'd be in a state to do so safely," Scarlett replied bluntly.

"Then I guess we'd better not fall, right?" Sammy said with a nervous smile.

"Wasn't planning on it," Jo said. "Though it's not like this _water glass_ is making things easy."

"At least we don't have to wear a _costume_ to do it," Sammy said.

The camera quick-panned back down to Scarlett, who was idly examining the platform sandals of her geisha outfit. "How _exactly_ am I going to climb with these on?" she muttered to herself. "If anything they're more of a handicap than the head start..."

/

The scene flashed to the kitchen of the film lot's dining tent, where Amy was washing dishes with her back to the camera. She grunted in annoyance, then said "It should be _Samey_ in here, not me. And she _would_ have had it not been for _you_." She glared over at Lightning who was wiping a glass nearby, and the boy pursed his lips.

"Lightning ain't the one who wanted time to _gloat_ before the match was even over," he replied.

Just then, Chef Hatchet dropped a large pot filled with cooking knives on a small table behind the jock, instantly gaining the attention of both losers. "Shut your traps and grab a blade," he told them as he walked past.

"What? Why?" Amy asked in alarm.

"Yeah," Lightning added as he picked up a butcher's knife and looked it over, "Lightning ain't really the knife-fightin' sha-_type_. Not that he'd ever _lose_, of course."

"You beg my _pardon_?" Amy said indignantly, stepping forward and grabbing a knife of her own. "You wouldn't _dare_ hurt me."

"Y'all are gonna use those blades to cook a meal fit for a warrior," Chef explained as he returned pushing a large tank of water on wheels. "_Kung Fu Noodle Soup_. Vegetable stock, noodles, and the seven deadliest species of fish known to man."

"You got your rabid piranha," a piranha jumped out of the water and snapped its jaws before slashing back down; "poisonous blowfish," a blowfish jumped up and briefly inflated itself; "electric eel," an eel bristling with electricity was the next to leap into the air; "toxic jellyfish," the purple blob merely surfaced, scooted an inch or so across the water, then dove back down; "lethal swordfish," the next fish was nearly as long as the tank itself and looked very menacing; "man-eating shark!" A shark that was somehow larger than the tank itself jumped up out of the water, and the camera cut outside to see it leap higher than the roof of the tent and roar before several pinkish tentacles shot out, grabbed it, and pulled it back in; "And killer octopus!" Chef finished with a chuckle as the tentacles reeled the shark back into the tank with a splash.

"Now, who's ready to start?" he asked the two with a serious expression. The shot panned over to the left where Amy was holding Lightning in front of her like a shield, both teens wide-eyed with terror and the jock brandishing both their knives.

/

The scene flashed to Scarlett as she climbed up the side of the mountain in her costume, her teeth clenched in concentration as she pulled herself up with one hand. "Why did I agree to do this," she told herself as she raised her left foot, tried to gain a hold on the rock, but slipped due to her sandals. "it's just a _reward_ challenge..."

"You alright down there?" Jo called from above with a hint of mockery in her voice, the camera quick-panning up to her and Sammy. The cheerleader also paused to look down, and the shot cut back to Scarlett.

"I'm managing!" the brainiac replied in a level tone as she finally got a hold with her left, and another shortly after with her right. "More importantly, who are you thinking of voting for next elimination? We _did_ work together to get rid of DJ after all, so I assumed you'd be on-board for future cooperation."

Jo scowled, and gave a sideways glance to Sammy. The cheerleader looked like she was trying not to be think about something. "Why'd you have to bring that up _now_?" the jock-ette angrily asked Scarlett, gesturing to Sammy as the younger twin resumed her climb.

Scarlett smirked slightly. "Well, why not? The three of us are basically alone right now, so why not take the opportunity to discuss _strategy_? Unless you're thinking of voting out _Sammy_ next"

The cheerleader gasped and nearly spilled her glass. Jo noticed, sent a glare down at Scarlett, then quickly caught up with her former partner. "Just so we're clear, I have _no_ interest in voting you out right now," the jock-ette said to Sammy.

"Oh yeah? Did you say that to _DJ_ too?" Sammy countered harshly.

"Not really?" the jock-ette answered awkwardly. "Like, I told him back when Dawn got booted that I had planned on voting for him if it came down to it, but that was only ever gonna be a Final Five thing, and only because he and Dawn were tight."

"And so since me and him were even _tighter_," Sammy said, not looking at Jo as the two girls continued their climb, "you decided to vote him out _early_. Is that it?"

"Yeah, exactly," Jo admitted without hesitation. "But now that the only couple left in the game is your sister and Brightning, I have no reason _not_ to target them!"

"So you don't even _care_ that you betrayed his trust?" Sammy asked Jo, still without looking at her. "Like, I wouldn't have cared if you'd voted for _me_, but DJ thought of you as a _friend_, and I thought you felt the same.

"I...that...it was just _strategy_, okay?" Jo stammered. Sammy finally turned her head long enough to give the jock-ette a withering look, then climbed away without another word.

Jo's expression became stoney as she followed after, and the camera panned down to Scarlett. The brainiac's face was neutral at first, until her eyes narrowed uncertainly.

/

The scene cut back once more to the kitchen, the camera lingering on a close-up of the water tank before pulling back to show Amy and Lightning lurking fearfully at its edge.

"_Lightning_ ain't scared of no fish," the jock said, growing serious as he raised up his knife. "Lightning ain't scared of anything!" He flipped his knife upside down and plunged it into the tank; it held there for a second before something beneath the surface seemed to grab it and shake it vigorously. "Sha-_yikes_!" the uber-jock said, letting go of it and ducking just as it was spat out, the blade mangled beyond repair.

"Well, since you look like you've got _that_ under control," Amy spoke up cautiously, "I'll just get out of your way." As Lightning began to beat the hidden sea creatures with a sauce pan, she casually stepped away to the side.

"You gonna do the noodles, right?" Lightning asked while he tried to yank his sauce pan out of the jaws of the shark.

"Umm, why would _I_ do that?" Amy asked. "_Mommy_ does all the cooking back home, not me. Well, and Samey sometimes cooks too, but she burns everything so it doesn't really count."

"Yeah, well, Lightning's _already_ doin' all the hard work," the uber-jock countered, his voice rising as he wrestled with a tentacle. "The least you could do is sha-boil some dang noodles!"

Amy frowned indignantly. "I thought you _liked_ doing hard work."

"Girl, Lightning likes to _compete_," he corrected while trying to escape the octopus' grasp. "But this ain't competition, it's kitchen duty!"

The mean girl scowled and rolled up her sleeves. "Fine, I'll boil the noodles for you."

"And don't forget to add the vegetable stock!" Lightning added, bursting free of a tentacle and backhanding it away with his sauce pan. Amy just growled in frustration.

/

The background music deepened slightly as the scene cut back to the three scaling the cliff. Jo and Sammy were still in the lead, but Scarlett had managed to catch up somewhat despite her ill-suited footwear.

None of the three spoke, although Jo glanced occasionally at Sammy, and Scarlett's eyes drifted between both.

xxx

"Under the current circumstances, it's in my best interests to maintain the relatively poor relationship between Jo and Sammy," Scarlett explained in the confessional trailer, still in her costume. "Not to the point that they'd prefer to vote each other out over Lightning or Amy, but enough that they could be persuaded to turn against one another at a later date. It'll be tricky to prevent a reconciliation," she said while tapping her chin thoughtfully, "but I believe I've gotten a good enough understanding of them to make things work out in my favor."

xxx

"Look, I get that you're mad at me, for what I guess is a pretty okay reason," Jo finally spoke up, "but what exactly was I supposed to do? If we got rid of Amy it woulda been you, DJ, and _Lightning_ in the majority. I wouldn't stand a chance!"

Sammy paused and gave the jock-ette a harsh look. "Had you actually _talked_ about it with DJ and me, I would've _volunteered_ to be eliminated next. Then you guys could vote out Scarlett and Lightning, you would still be in the finale."

Jo paused, her expression bewildered. "Wait, are you saying you don't care about _winning_?"

Sammy flushed slightly and looked away. "I...I...yeah, I don't."

xxx

"_Again_," the nice twin sheepishly told the confessional camera, "the producers said I wouldn't be allowed to win the competition if I came back, so I'm okay with getting eliminated _eventually_."

xxx

"I _really_ just want to beat Amy right now, okay?" Sammy told Jo. "As long as that happens, I'll be happy. I mean," she looked down sadly, "I _was_ hoping I could help DJ get to the finale too, but obviously that can't happen anymore."

Jo stared at her for a moment, then groaned. "Look," she said as she began to climb again, "if I'd known that before, I wouldn't have decided to vote out DJ last time. So I guess in a way we _both_ messed up, and...," she took a short breath, looked away, and scratched the back of her neck a bit, "I'm sorry for not, uh, _communicating_ enough with you two, or something?"

Sammy gave Jo a questioning look, then said "Well...I _guess_ I can accept that," she said uncertainly. "I can't really blame you for trying to win, especially since I know I could've done more to keep DJ from bein eliminated."

"You don't _seriously_ believe her, do you?" Scarlett interrupted, the two girls looking back to see the third had nearly gotten level with them. "She's just trying to get your vote back for us," she told Sammy with a taunting smirk. "She already said she never wanted to go up against DJ in the finale. She just wants to use you so she can take someone _weak_ to the finale with her, such as _Amy_."

"What are you-" Jo began to ask with a suspicious look.

"And, of course, she _clearly_ wants to hide her working relationship with myself," the brainiac continued. "After all, it was _my_ idea to vote out DJ last time. And I seem to recall talking to Jo about eliminating _Dawn_ as well."

"For the last time, I didn't vote for Dawn!" Jo said indignantly, nearly spilling her glass in the process.

"_Sure_ you didn't," Scarlett told her with a sly smile before climbing ahead of the two. Jo glared and followed after, while Sammy was left looking extremely troubled.

/

Amy was muttering incoherently as she set a pot of water to boil, then read off a piece of paper on the counter next to her. "Hey, what's a _tablespoon_ anyway?" she asked Lightning as the camera panned over to him punching a jellyfish against the side of the tank.

"How should Lightning know, he ain't a chef!" the jock answered, grabbing the jellyfish by the tentacles and beating it against the ground. "Just look around for somethin' that says 'tablespoon' on it!"

The viewpoint shifted to the countertop in front of Amy as she scowled the started looking through drawers. Behind her Lightning victoriously pitched the jellyfish off-camera like a basketball, only to quickly duck as a tentacle holding a knife shot towards him out of the tank. He then rolled off-camera in the direction he'd tossed the jellyfish.

Amy finally held up a spoon and smiled. "Finally! Now for the salt." She paused, then looked back over her shoulder. "Lightning, where's the salt?" she called bossily.

Lightning reappeared on-screen holding the swordfish like a weapon, its eyes crossed out in indication of its death. He immediately began to battle the knife-wielding octopus, neither of them making any obvious gains. "No idea," he said between breaths. "Now stop distractin' Lightning with questions!"

"Uggh, you're _useless_, why am I even going _out_ with you," Amy grumbled.

The overachiever knocked the knife out of the octopus' tentacle then jabbed the swordfish nose-first into the tank – the tentacles writhed with pain, then fell limp. "Y'know," he told Amy indignantly, "Lightning can say the same about _you_."

Amy's eyes widened with shock.

/

The scene flashed to the Sasquatch 'master' waiting in its cave at the top of the mountain, the camera panning off to the left to show the three young women as they finally reached the peak. Scarlett now had a slight lead, but before she could take off running Jo grabbed her by the ankle.

"You're not going _anywhere_," the jock-ette said, on her knees with her water glass in her left hand and Scarlett's leg in her right. "At least, not until we clear a _few_ things up."

"Still trying to deny your untrustworthiness?" Scarlett asked, raising an eyebrow as she tried to yank her leg free.

"More like stopping _you_ from overblowing what actually happened," Jo corrected as Sammy pulled herself up. "I already owned up to voting for DJ, but don't go thinking you're some _mastermind_ who planted the idea in my head. I was gonna vote him out sooner or later, all you did was let me know I had an opportunity."

Scarlett frowned. "Very well, but you still haven't 'owned up' to your part in eliminating Dawn."

"I didn't _have_ a part in eliminating her!" Jo yelled. "Either B did it, or it was a _fluke_ like with Beardo!"

"Hmm," Scarlett sniffed, "seems awfully _convenient_ if you ask me. But I doubt Sammy would take the word of someone who's already admitted to betraying one of her friends."

Both girls looked at Sammy, who took a deep breath. "Actually, I _do_."

"What?!" Scarlett said in shock.

"Yes!" Jo exclaimed triumphantly.

"Dawn was pretty clear that she didn't think you _or_ B voted her out when she gave her Aftermath interview," Sammy told Jo, "so it was, umm," she looked away quickly and awkwardly, "p-probably just a fluke, like you said."

"So, does that mean you're still fine working together?" Jo asked with a hint of hopefulness.

"To vote out my sister?" Sammy asked before breaking into a small smile. "Of course!"

Jo smirked. "Good to hear it. And as for _you_," she told Scarlett before swiftly yanking on her leg, knocking her off-balance and causing her to drop her glass, "you just lost the challenge."

With Scarlett growling amidst the shattered pieces of her water glass behind them, Jo and Sammy ran away laughing. "Hey, wanna split the reward?" Sammy asked as the two raced towards the cave.

Jo shrugged. "Sure, why not?" The two shared a smile, then narrowed their eyes as they ran onwards.

The music picked up its pace as the camera quick-panned ahead to the Sasquatchanakwa, who stood up and stepped forward. He stopped them in their tracks with a roar, but it was only for a moment.

"You aren't so tough!" Jo taunted, throwing her glass at the beast's eyes as Sammy ran past, tossing away her water and grabbing the bonsai.

"I've got the tree!" she told her partner, who was standing warily in front of the sasquatch as it frantically tried to wipe the water and glass out of its face. Once Sammy had passed Jo, the jock-ette swiftly kicked the costumed 'master' between the legs. It let out another more high-pitched roar as it fell to its knees, and Jo ran away with a smirk on her face.

xxx

The one in the confessional was neither contestant, nor cook, nor even host, but the Master Sasquatch itself. Taking up most of the space in front of the camera, it crossed its arms and glowered at the camera.

"Not cool," it shockingly said in a hoarse and gravelly voice.

xxx

Reverent music began playing as the footage skipped ahead to night, all five contestants now back in the craft services tent. It had been rearranged so that a single table sat along the far end loaded with seafood, and various Japanese-themed decorations had been put up around the room. Jo and Sammy were seated at the table, while Amy and Lightning stood near the meal counter with a noticeable amount of distance between them.

The camera zoomed in on the two winners as Jo picked up a slice of swordfish with a fork and bit into it, and Sammy took a sip of tea.

"Would you care for some Kung Fu Noodle Soup?" Scarlett said snidely, walking up to the cheerleader carrying a large steaming pot with a ladle sticking out of it.

"Oh, sure," Sammy said cautiously. She watched as the brainiac – still dressed as a geisha – ladled soup into a wooden bowl set before her.

"I'll have some too!" Jo called from further down the table.

"But of course," Scarlett said with a dark smile as she walked over to the jock-ette and stirred her pot slightly.

"Hey, you're not mad about earlier, are you?" Jo asked.

"Not at all," Scarlett answered blankly, drawing up a ladle full of hot soup and pouring it on Jo's lap. "Enjoy your meal," she said with a mocking lilt as she walked away, leaving Jo to frantically try and get the scalding soup off her.

As Sammy watched in concern, the camera panned over to Amy and Lightning. The mean girl laughed and looked over at Lightning as though to gauge his response, but he looked completely unamused. She in turn scowled and turned a glare to her sister.

"Uggh, look at her enjoying the soup I made without so much as a _thank you_," she muttered under her breath, the camera moving over her shoulder to show the nice twin taking a sip of soup, then gagging and spitting it back out. "It's like she thinks she _isn't_ a loser." She looked at Lightning again, but he still did not reply. "Umm, _hello_?" she told him, spreading her arms and giving him a questioning look. "A little _sympathy_ for your _girlfriend_?"

His arms already crossed, Lightning finally turned his head towards her and raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, Lightning's been doing a lot of thinkin' about our bein' together," he informed Amy. "And if you wanna make it sha-_work_, then we're gonna need to have a _loooong_ talk."

Amy gaped, and he walked off towards the tent's exit, emotional music beginning to play in the background. "What do you mean if _I_ want to make it work?" she asked in outrage as she followed after him for a few steps. "And what do you mean by _talk_?!" She stopped when Lightning walked out of the tent.

"Lightning, get back here right _now_!" she yelled angrily. "Lightning! I'm _warning_ you!" Her face fell into a look of panic, and she finally started to move after him again. "Lightning, wait!" she called out in desperation.

The camera lingered on the tent's entrance after Amy left, and Chris soon stepped into view. "Wow, that's _sad_," he told the camera. "And by _sad_, I mean pathetic," he smiled. "Will Amy be able to salvage her _incredibly_ unbalanced relationship?" Chris asked, the emotional music fading into the usual ending theme. "Or will Lightning _finally_ do what we've been hoping for all season and dump her like Scarlett dumped soup on Jo's lap? And will _anything_ be able to top all this excitement?"

"_Probably_," he answered immediately. "Find out next time, on Total! Drama! _Action_!"

(Fade to Credits)

* * *

**Author's Note - Post Script**

A little late to be uploaded, but I think it's an enjoyable chapter nonetheless. The final reward challenge, too. Earlier in the season when this was still in the planning stage, I debated on who would serve as the geisha for the episode. If I were to mirror canon, the role would fall to Sammy, meaning Jo and Scarlett would be teaming up. And while that would have been amusing, I decided that with Lightning and Amy on the opposite corner it would be better to have the twins face off in combat, and with Jo the most natural choice for Sammy's partner Scarlett was left as the odd woman out.

All in all, I think it worked out. Scarlett fit the role of trying to play both sides well, and was also given a fair chance at winning the reward. Jo and Sammy managed to patch things up and split the reward, whereas Lightning and Amy grew even further apart. And, of course, Sammy really stood up for herself and managed to kick her sister's butt.

Incidentally, one of my favorite parts of the canon episode as I rewatched it was Courtney and Beth's first kitchen duty scene, where Courtney automatically assumed Chef wanted the girls to knife fight and Beth seriously considered doing it. Hopefully my own spin on the scene was as amusing as the original.

Let me know what you all think is gonna happen next! There's not much left to go through, but I'm gonna try to make it an excellent reading experience.

Until next time!

\- Fangren

* * *

**Appendix: TSA Eliminated Contestants**

Geoff - (Tied for 15th Place)

Bridgette - (Tied for 15th Place)

Shawn - (14th Place)

Alejandro - (13th Place)

Sierra - (12th Place)

Beardo - (11th Place)

Topher - (10th Place)

Sammy - (9th Place; Returned But Ineligible for Victory)

Beth - (8th Place)

Dawn - (7th Place)

B - (6th Place)

DJ - (5th Place)


	23. Chapter 23 - 2008: A Scarlett Odyssey

**Author's Note**

Here we are, the second-to-last elimination episode before the two-part finale. Next week's chapter, despite having a few bumps along the way, is basically done aside from the bonus clip. Which means I'll finally be able to start writing the finale I've been looking forward to since season one this Sunday, although I'll admit my plan for the second part is still a little vague. I can only hope that everything I've written up until now has built up properly to it.

But that, as I always say, if for the future. For today, we just have a nice little space-themed romp with a side-order of vomit. But first, the reviews!

**acosta perez jose ramiro:** Thank you so much! Also, Courtney and Beth's meal in canon did end up poisoning Owen, but that's beside the point since you're right about why Amy especially wouldn't care about making a good meal. As for the twins' parents...well, I haven't decided yet exactly what their reaction to the series has been. Maybe I'll have some time to explore it in a future story or something...

**FOWLKON:** Haha, yeah, I was going for a CMoA with that final fight. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter!

**bruno14:** I'm happy you liked it so much! It was super fun writing the showdown between Amy and Sammy. Interesting thoughts as always, and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story!

**Glowing Insanity:** I'm glad it made sense why I had Scarlett be the geisha instead of Sammy. And as for Amy...well, you'll see what happens next soon enough.

**aloasa:** Yup, definitely a bit of reversal of fortune as far as Amy is concerned. I'm glad you liked it!

**I. M. Poik:** Well, I'm glad you liked it in the end even if Lightning didn't end up winning the challenge. Your predictions are interesting as always, and I'm looking forward to hearing your reaction to this episode.

**StayOuttaMyShed:** Thank you so much! It means a lot know that I did good with the previous chapter. I can only hope I can maintain the same level of quality with these last four chapters. Interesting predictions as always, and that's all I'll say on that for now...

**POPGoesDaWeasel:** I am having enormous difficulty believing you aren't a troll.

**Knifez:** Once again, thank you so much! I'm glad you're liking my take on Lightning in particular this season. As for your concerns about the early eliminations for TSWT...well, there's not much I can say right now other than that I recognize the mistake I arguably made in doing that, and that I'll try to make sure everyone lasts as long as I need them to.

**Ali6132:** I'm glad you liked the chapter! Regarding Dawn's elimination, all I'll say is that it'll be addressed in time. Also, the reason Sammy was nervous when telling Jo and Scarlett that the elimination was probably a fluke is because she doesn't want to let Scarlett know that she's been accused of cheating, unaware that Scarlett already overheard her in the confessional. And yeah, no more hints about the special. Sorry, but it's only a few weeks away before everyone finds out who will be joining the cast next season.

**Star Saber21:** Thanks! I'm glad you're enjoying how things are turning out, and I hope you continue to do so for this chapter.

**The Prime Writer:** Hey, no worries about the lateness! And yeah, I'm really happy with how I've been able to develop Jo this season. It's been great to write Amy's fall, as well as just Lightning and Scarlett in general. Incidentally, I'm glad at least somebody remembers the device that Beth was sleep-twirling way back when... Other than that, thanks for the prediction and review!

**Invader Cole:** No problem! I'm glad you liked the chapter, and you're right in that Sammy isn't going to the finale, although and Amy vs Sammy end would be neat for another story. Other than that, read on and enjoy!

This story is on the verge of hitting 400 reviews, but that's all of them answered for now! Also, time for the last unchanged roster:

Girls \- Amy, Jo, Sammy, Scarlett

Boys \- Lightning

Who will be going home this week? Who will not? Find out soon...

\- Fangren

* * *

**Episode 23 – 2008: A Scarlett Odyssey**

"Last time, on Total Drama Action!" The opening scene flashed from the film lot to a shot of the largest pagoda from the previous episode. "In a world they _didn't_ create," the camera zoomed out to show the two teams approaching their halves of the field, "two semi-honorable warriors," Jo and Lightning were shown aggressively using their joysticks, "and two irrepressible foes," the twins were shown doing battle in their robot suits, "battled for kung fu _supremacy_." The two trainers were shown 'helping' their students with push-ups, and the recap moved on.

"No mountain was too high,"Jo and Sammy were shown scaling the cliff face, each carrying a glass of water. "No obi sash too tight," Scarlett was shown climbing too, as well as protesting her geisha costume. "In the end, Jo and Samey split the reward," the host said over a clip of the jock-ette distracting the sasquatch while the cheerleader stole the sacred bonsai tree. "While _Lightning_ threatened to split up with _Amy_." The uber-jock walked away from his girlfriend, the recap montage ending with the mean girl shouting after Lightning in outrage.

"But it's gonna take more than puny alliances to survive _this_ week," Chris told the camera as it flashed to his close-up, "on Total! Drama! Action!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be...famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be...famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

The episode opened on a shot of the full moon, the nightly chorus of crickets and frogs filling the air for but a moment until the background music started up in time with a rat walking on-screen just inches from the camera. The music was grandiose despite the mundane scene depicted, the rat merely sniffing the air then scurrying along what was shown to be the top of a large speaker. The music reached its climax, and the speaker carrying it shook so much the rat fell off behind it.

The shot pulled out to show the cast trailers where the speaker was standing – as tall as the trailer it was next to and with a sibling on the other side of the area. Further to the left was a tall monolith-like setpiece, an odd mix of greens against the night sky.

As the grandiose music continued to rumble, the lights inside the trailers flicked on and the protestations of the castmates echoed out of them. The doors opened, showing the girls filing out first – Sammy, then Jo, then Scarlett, then Amy at the end, all four in their pajamas. The camera cut over to the guys' trailer as Lightning exited similarly. He paused briefly to yawn and stretch his arms, and the camera moved back to the girls.

The focus was on Amy specifically as she sent an expectant glare off-camera, then looked away with a sniff.

xxx

"If _Lightning_ thinks he can get away with trying to blank _me_, he's got another thing coming," Amy told the confessional camera. "Our relationship started on _my_ terms, and it's going to _end_ on my terms too."

xxx

The epic background music started over again as Lightning and the girls met up as a group. Scarlett perked up slightly, then looked over to see the lone male scratching his butt and armpit at the same time.

"Typical," she muttered, "no consideration for what the _rest_ of us would like to see." She looked over at Jo, who was also scratching herself, and grimaced. The jock-ette then noticed the monolith off to the side, and pointed at it with a few animalistic grunts.

The shot cut to the top of it, the moon still visible behind it. The camera panned down to its base where Chef sat in a leopard-print loincloth banging on an upside-down soup pot with a couple bones as though it were a drum. Both the castmates and Chris McLean – also wearing a leopard-print loincloth and with his hair unusually unkempt – approached the monolith at the same time.

"Good morning, cast!" the host greeted as Chef ceased playing. "Or should I say, good middle of the night? Hope you're all well-rested and ready to boldly go where very few men and even fewer _ladies_ have gone before!"

"Hold on," Jo spoke up, her eyes narrowed suspiciously, "didn't we already _do_ the caveman movie?"

"We did, Jo," Chris explained, "but we had to reuse the costume since my astronomical salary accounts for, oh, roughly, 97% of the show's budget."

"Why are we doing this in the _middle_ of the _night_?" Amy complained. "I'd like to _actually_ get some sleep for once."

'Yeah, good luck with that," Chris told her before continuing his explanation. "While today's movie genre may _start_ at the dawn of time, it quickly moves up, up, and away!" He raised his hands as another grand theme played in the background, and the camera panned up to the night sky as a shooting star flew in front of the moon.

"So, we're finally doing Outer Space movies," Scarlett said with a smirk, her head tilted up. "Interesting."

"Don't get _too_ excited," Jo told her. "We already did the _good_ kind of space movie."

xxx

"What's the point of having a movie set in outer space if you're not gonna have _aliens_?" Jo asked the confessional camera. "If you ask me, there's only so much you can do to make giant space rocks and spaceship malfunctions _exciting_."

xxx

"For your information," Scarlett replied to the jock-ette, "I happen to _enjoy_ the more plausible sections of science fiction."

"Good for you," Jo told her. "Just don't expect to get any kind of _edge_ because of it."

"Listen up, space cases," Chris interrupted. "You'll soon be facing some out-of-this-world challenges, but first..." He quickly ducked away from the girls, and the camera cut to him pushing away the monolith to reveal five small boxes set on a table behind it. "I have a very special _surprise_ for you," he told the cast. "Each of you has received _one_ special item sent to your from the outside world. Which by now," he picked up one of the packages and tossed it to Jo, who caught it before Scarlett was tossed her own gift, "must feel like a distant planet."

He tossed another one like a football and it was caught by Lightning, with Amy also shown to have received her gift. The camera then panned to Sammy as she became the fifth and final castmate to catch their box. "Oh, I wonder what I got?" she said as she began opening it.

"Probably something to remind you of how much you _suck_," Amy quickly told her sister while opening her own package and taking out a picture frame. "Ooh! Just like _I_ got a reminder of how _great_ I am." The camera cut to a better look, revealing it to be what looked like a photograph of the twin's cheer squad. Six teenage girls with the same basic body type but varying skin and hair colors were arranged in a pyramid, with a slightly-younger Amy standing proudly at the top and Sammy at the middle of the bottom row. All six girls were smiling at the camera.

The camera cut back to Amy smiling fondly at the photography, then panned over to Sammy as she frowned and finished opening her package. She pulled out a picture frame and her eyebrows immediately shot up, the camera moving to show that her photograph was much the same as Amy's – save that the mean twin's face had been scribbled out in black pen.

xxx

"Wow...," Sammy said in the confessional trailer, still looking at the picture she'd received. "Back home, I'd always look at this when I wanted to psyche myself up for something and ignore Amy. But now it's just reminding me of everything I want to do now that I'm back in the game. I _really_ want to beat my sister," she said, looking up at the camera, "but I also still need to find out stuff about Scarlett for the producers. She might not have fixed the vote last time because she knew Jo was voting for DJ, but that doesn't mean she hasn't cheated before. I _did_ set up a few more hidden cameras, but I don't know if I'll catch anything on them. I get the feeling Scarlett won't try anything unless she thinks she'll be voted out, but there's no way I'll be able to get enough votes for that." She sighed despondently. "What am I gonna _do_ about all this..."

xxx

The twins separated, still looking at their respective photographs, and the camera panned over to Scarlett and Jo.

"Interesting..." the brainiac muttered, her expression blank as she put a hand firmly over the box and walked away. The jock-ette growled something under her breath as she struggled to open the tape on her box, and the camera panned over to Lightning.

"Wonder what Pops decided to send?" he asked himself as he opened his box and took out a large gold trophy. Lightning's brow shot up for a moment before it furrowed again and he nodded. "I hear you loud and clear, Pops," he told himself.

xxx

"This ain't Lightning's _first_ championship trophy," the overachiever explained in the confession trailer, "but it _is_ the first time he learned how important he is. The rest of Lightning's team did _nothin'_ that game, so Lightning had to carry them all to victory himself. Thanks for remindin' me that I don't need nobody to be a winner but _myself_, Pops!" he told the camera with a wide and happy grin.

xxx

"Geez, you'd think my parents would send their only child something that didn't take a _chainsaw_ to open," Jo said as she started ripping at the box itself.

"I hope it's worth it," Sammy said with her eyes fixed to the box as Jo finally made a big enough hole to extract the contents.

It was a roughly wedge-shaped hunk of wood.

"Oh..." Sammy said in awkward disappointment. "Are they like, mad at you or something?"

"Nah," Jo said with a shake of her head as she beamed excitedly at the hunk of wood in her hands, "this thing brings back a lot of good memories." She noticed the nice twin's questioning look, then said "It's the doorstop I made in shop class. Well, it was _supposed_ to be a race car, but they were out of wheels so I had to change plans a little."

"Huh," the cheerleader said blankly. "So...I guess you've jammed a lot of doors, right?"

"A few, but you'd be surprised by how many _other_ uses this thing has had," the jock-ette said with a fond smirk.

"Right...," Sammy said uncertainly.

The camera panned over to Scarlett, who had taken out her gift a little ways away from the others. After tossing some tissue paper out of the box, the camera zoomed in on her fingers as she carefully withdrew a USB flash drive from it. The camera moved again to the young woman's front as she held it up to the moonlight and looked it over, then moved to put it back in the box. An inquisitive-looking Sammy leaned out from behind her.

"What did you get, Scarlett?" the cheerleader asked suddenly.

"Gah!" Scarlett cried out in surprise, dropping both the box and the flash drive. "What are you-," she said, turning around to glare at the girl behind her before noticing who it was and frowning. "Oh. Not that it _concerns_ you, but my parents have sent me a flash drive." She took her eyes off the girl and quickly scooped up both her gift and the box it had come in.

"A flash drive?" Sammy repeated in confusion. "I wonder what's on it?"

"Something _personal_, I assume," Scarlett told her scathingly. "I have nothing to use it with if that's what you were expecting, so I'll have to find a way to read the data on it later. In _private_."

"Oh, haha, right...," Sammy said, rubbing her arm with an awkward chuckle. "Sorry for prying, I'll just...go now." The nice girl walked away under Scarlett's withering glare.

xxx

"I'm well aware that Sammy was only allowed back into the competition to _spy_ on me," the brainiac told the make-up trailer's camera. "And quite frankly, I find the accusations against me to be insulting. It's hardly _my_ fault if the software used for the voting devices is so poorly-coded. Not that it matters anymore," she chuckled to herself. "Even if I _did_ cheat in the past, and I deny that I did although there's no proof _regardless_, I would have no reason to continue doing so given my current position in the game." She smiled smugly at the camera.

xxx

"Alright gang," Chris addressed the cast, "time to blast off to the great unknown. Everyone knows a good Outer Space movie has _three_ things in common. One," he raised a single finger, "the zero gravity is always a trip. Two," he raised another finger, "the G-forces are _killer_! And three," he raised a third finger, "_everything_ is recycled in space. Including number one," he raised a single finger again, "_and_ number two," he finished with another second finger.

"Eww," Sammy said in disgust.

"Gross," Amy said, equally in disgust. The other three looked unphased.

"Which brings us to our first challenge," Chris continued. "I'll meet _you_ at the thrill ride set in ten minutes."

The cast looked at each other in confusion. "We have a thrill ride set?" Lightning asked.

/

The scene briefly flashed to the full moon behind the water tower for a moment before flashing away again to a close-up of the host, back in his normal clothes.

"The way to achieve zero gravity," he explained to the contestants, all of whom has also gotten dressed, "is to fly a jet on a parabolic course. With large vertical climbs," he motioned with his hands, "and even _larger_ vertical drops." The camera panned across the faces of the cast, all of which looked freaked aside from Scarlett whose face bore a pleasant smirk. "But with the price of jet fuel today," the scene flashed to a ramshackle-looking space shuttle tied to what looked like a roller coast cart at a boarding platform, "we're gonna _simulate_ the effect on this makeshift space shuttle!" A sort of grand tune played.

The shot flashed away again, the camera now panning up a spaceship-themed roller coaster set amongst several other theme park attractions. "Which will hit the optimum speed needed to keep you all in a perpetual state of zero gravity," the host explained before the shot cut back to him and the cast.

"Is that thing safe?" Sammy asked nervously. "Because it doesn't really _look_ safe."

"It's probably up to code," Scarlett told her with a sly smile, "at least so far as combination space shuttle-roller coasters are _covered_ by the legal system." Sammy frowned nervously.

"Your first challenge will be to spend the rest of the night on the shuttle sleeping in zero gravity conditions," Chris told the cast.

The five teens looked at each other. "That sounds sha-_easy_," Lightning boasted.

/

The footage flashed ahead to a close-up of an intercom speaker as the host's voice came in over it. "Y'all might wanna hold on to somethin' that's _bolted down_," Chris told the cast as the camera pulled back to show them standing full-dressed inside the space shuttle, pillows in their hands, "'cause we're almost ready to _launch_!"

"Dibs on the-!" Amy began to shout as she and the others quickly looked around the rather empty room, but she soon faltered and scowled. "There _isn't_ anything bolted down in here!"

"What else did you expect from _McLean_?" Jo asked offhandedly.

The shot cut back to the intercom as an engine was heard starting up over it. "In five! Four! Three! Two! One!" The camera cut outside as the space shuttle strapped to the roller coaster cart shuddered to life. "_Blast off_!" At Chris' ecstatic signal, the shuttle's engines flared on and the contraptions took off along the track. It quickly reached the main peak as the castmates screamed in terror, and the scene cut back inside.

"Oh em gee, I hope this isn't how it ends," Sammy told herself as she clenched her eyes shut. The camera began to pull back from her close-up as she slowly opened her eyes, looked around, and smiled; she and the other four were now floating inside the shuttle's cabin. "Oh wow," Sammy said in amazement, "this is so _cool_!"

"Alright astronauts," Chris told them, the camera cutting from a close-up of the intercom to the host lounging in his chair at the control tent watching the cast on the monitors, "it's gonna be a long night, better get some sleep!" He pressed a button on the keyboard and playfully added "If you _can_!" The monitor screens switched from Scarlett and Jo to Lightning and Amy, and the host accepted a cup of coffee from Chef with a laugh.

/

"Hey, Lightning?" Amy asked the jock in a sweet voice as she slowly drifted towards him. "I know we've been having some, um, _problems_ lately, but I'm willing to forgive you if you share your pillow with me."

Lightning, who had been resting up against a wall by the shuttle controls at the front of the room, gave her an unamused look and scoffed. "Yeah, Lightning don't think so. In fact," he added, causing Amy's smile to quickly fade, "Lightning's gettin' _tired_ of puttin' up with you." Amy gasped. "He doesn't _need_ you, either. He doesn't need anybody! So sorry girl, but it's _over_." The background music spiked dramatically as the mean girl gasped again. "We're _through_." Another spike in the music, and the other three girls were shown turning their heads towards Lightning and Amy. "Sha-_bye bye_!" Lightning gave his now-ex-girlfriend a curt wave, then kicked off from the wall and floated away with his pillow under his arm.

Amy was left wide-eyed and gaping.

xxx

"Did he just _break up_ with me?!" she asked the confessional camera in alarm and outrage.

xxx

"Lightning admits he coulda picked a better time to do that," the uber-jock admitted in his own turn at the make-up trailer. "But he already _gave_ her a chance to patch things up with Lightning. Not only did she _not_ take it, but then she has the nerve to say _she'll_ forgive _Lightning_?" He shook his head in disappointed disapproval.

xxx

The background music took on a tone of intrigue as a narrow-eyed Jo pulled a smiling Sammy aside. "Hey, did you catch that just now?" the jock-ette whispered.

Sammy nodded. "Totally, wasn't it great? Amy _hates_ it when she loses control over someone like that."

"Good to hear," Jo said with an aside glance at Amy. "But more importantly, you know what this _means_, right? Lightning's vote is up for grabs!"

Sammy finally turned her gaze away from her unseen sister and blinked. "Do you really think we can convince him to join our alliance?"

Jo rubbed her chin in thought. "Not _directly_, he's too stubborn for that, but I bet we can still find some way to get him on our side."

The camera panned away from Jo and Sammy to show Scarlett apparently curled up with her pillow and sleeping nearby. She turned away from the other two girls, then opened her eyes and frowned.

xxx

"I need to consider my next moves _carefully_," she explained in the confessional. "With Lightning and Amy no longer in a relationship and my previous alliance thus dissolved, _Jo_ has gained the upper hand. The question now becomes who to approach, and _how_..." Deep in thought with a troubled look on her face, she looked down and began to stroke her chin.

xxx

The scene cut forward to the castmates as they slept with their pillows, all of them peaceful except for Amy who was tossing and turning and muttering incoherently.

This only lasted for a couple seconds before a klaxon started to sound off loudly, and the lights in the cabin flashed red as the five teens woke with a start. "This is Houston," Chris said over the loudspeaker, "and you have a problem. You've been hit by an asteroid, and your guidance system is _toast_!"

"Oh no, what do we do?" Sammy asked in a growing panic.

"Assuming this is a regulation shuttle craft," Scarlett replied loudly over the siren, "we just need to activate the navigation system's manual override!"

"How do we do that?" Lightning asked.

"Like _this_!" Scarlett told him, springing off the nearby wall and darting towards the shuttle's main computer. She grabbed onto a central joystick as she floated by, then planted her feet on the desk and pulled. The camera zoomed in on it and after a few moments of effort the stick moved to the side, shutting off the alarms and returning the lights to normal.

"Good thinking, Brainzilla," Jo told her with a smirk. "Quick _work_, too."

Scarlett haughtily adjusted her glasses and the camera panned over to Amy, floating sideways with her arms crossed and face scowling. "Uggh, they're both so _annoying_," she muttered to herself. "Everyone here is such a _loser_, I wish they'd just _leave_." As she spoke the camera zoomed in on her high-heeled cheer boots as she drifted ever closer to a small window.

She hit the window heels-first, cracking them slightly. The camera pulled back again to show her pushing back forward seemingly unaware of what had happened, but the force of her push-off caused the glass to shatter soon after she floated away. The air immediately began to be sucked out of the cabin, and the lights flashed red once more as Amy gave the broken window a shocked look.

xxx

"I meant to do that," Amy told the confessional camera while nervously looking around the trailer, "I swear!"

xxx

Scarlett, Lightning, Jo, and Sammy were shown floating in front of the shuttle controls. "Uh-oh!'" Chris announced jovially over the intercom. "Looks like you have a hole in your fuselage!" He laughed, and the camera panned across a closer shot of the four teens' faces. "You have exactly t-minus-ten minutes to plug the hole, or you'll run out of precious oxygen."

The background music picked up in intensity as air continued to rush out the broken window. "We need to plug the opening!" Scarlett told the others.

"Ya _think_?" Jo said, already grabbing Sammy's pillow along with her own. "This won't be enough, though."

"I've already considered that!" Scarlett declared, taking out what looked like a seat belt. "Would anyone _else_ like to make a contribution?" she asked of Lightning and Amy while mashing the pillows of herself, Jo, and Sammy together.

Lightning shrugged and tossed his pillow her way. "Lightning ain't about to die for a sha-pillow!"

The camera focused on Amy who looked around, then furrowed her brow. "_Fine_, take it," she grunted before sharply tossing her pillow at her sister's face. Sammy caught it with an unamused look, then handed over to Scarlett.

/

The scene flashed back outside, the sun already above the fake skyline and the shuttle-coaster still flying along its track. The camera cut to the boarding platform as it finally came to a stop, and Chris was standing in wait as the shuttle door burst open with a puff of steam. One by one, the castmates fell out of it – first Lightning, then Jo, then Scarlett, then Sammy; all landed on top of one another in a heap. Amy was the last, and was the only one who seemed to have gotten her balance.

"Samey, break my fall!" she shouted with a vicious smile before jumping off. The camera quick-panned down to the nice twin as she looked up with a gasp, then rolled forward to her feet out of her sister's path.

Amy landed on her butt. "Oof! Eeughh, what's your _problem_?" she asked her sister angrily while rubbing her lower back in pain. "Did you not hear me tell you to break my fall?"

"I _did_," Sammy answered, "but I just didn't want to."

"You didn't _want_ to?!" Amy repeated in outrage. "I could have _broke_ something!"

"Quit _whinin_' already," Lightning scolded as he got back on his feet. "Why should _you_ get to be caught when the rest of us took the fall like it was nothin'?"

Sammy chuckled lightly. "Well, he _does_ have a point," she told her sister, who just fumed.

xxx

"Seriously?" Amy told the confessional camera, her eye twitching in sheer disbelief. "First Samey gets all _uppity_, then Lightning _dumps_ me, and now they're actually _agreeing_ with each other?! Did I get sucked into some other dimension where everything is _backwards_?!"

xxx

"Nice goin', Scarlett," Chris told the brainiac. "It was your quick thinking that saved the group."

"Naturally," Scarlett said with a smug smile.

"Hey, I helped too!" Jo protested.

"Yeah, but Scarlett was pretty obviously taking the lead back there," the host told her. "And as her reward, _she_ gets to decide the order of who goes first to last at the _next_ challenge."

"Interesting...," the brainiac said, already thinking. "Considering what you told us earlier, that would make the optimum order...myself, Amy, Sammy, Lightning, and Jo last."

xxx

"I've noticed Chris has a habit of hinting at what the challenges will be when he first explains the basics of each genre," Scarlett calmly explained. "Assuming the next challenge is what I _think_ it is, the order I prescribed should give me the greatest chance of winning immunity."

xxx

The footage cut forward to a shot of the sun over a few of the film lot's fake buildings near one of the studios as another grandiose theme began to play, this one starting slow as though it was making an announcement. The wind was shown blowing a few loose pieces of paper along the road between the studios, then the shot cut to and upward pan of the fake hill as a few deeper notes played. The camera cut back to the front of a studio as its garage-like door began to open.

A trumpet entered the music as a few feet were briefly shown behind the door before the camera moved inside, showing the silhouettes of the five castmates against the light flooding in from outside. The feet were shown again in an angled profile as they began to walk outside, and the shot moved up to show the five staring forward – Amy, then Scarlett, then Lightning, then Jo, then Sammy.

The camera switched to a face-on shot, panning right across the castmates and stopping at Sammy. The music came to a scratching halt as Chris ran across the shot with a scowl on his face, the teens following him with their eyes.

"Enough messing around," the host said before the scene changed to a more typical arrangement with him addressing the contestants. "Alright gang, if you thought spending the night in zero Gs was a stomach-churning experience, then you're gonna _loooove_ this next challenge! Who can last the longest on the G-force Trainer?" The castmates were shown watching cautiously. "Or as I like to call it," Chris said before the shot quick-panned further to the right, "the _Vomit Comet_!" The machine he was referring to looked like a bulbous, oversized, and legless space suit attached by a hefty arm to a smaller wheeled cart.

"If you thought you were under pressure _before_," the host said giddily as the camera panned up a close-up of the suit, "wait 'til you feel the effects of four times Earth's gravitational force!"

"Lightning's thinkin' that gorging himself on chili for lunch was a bad idea," the uber-jock said.

"That was _chili_?" Sammy said uncertainly, putting her hands on her stomach.

"That was _Chef's_ chili," Jo corrected.

The shot quick-panned over to Chef Hatchet who was standing by a bubbling pot on a small table. "And there's plenty more if you want it," he told the camera while tapping the side of the pot with a ladle. The camera zoomed in for a close-up, showing a foul-looking vomit-green stew filled with a variety of bones, old socks, and octopus tentacles.

Cutting back to the three castmates who'd spoken up, Sammy's cheeks bulged as she struggled not to puke. "Better get that out now," Jo told her. "You don't want it coming up on the _Vomit Comet_."

As the cheerleader quickly dashed away to throw up, the focus moved back to the host. "Remember crew, Scarlett's already picked the order and she's up first."

"Just as I predicted," the brainiac said smugly as she stepped forward. "Although I don't know how long I need to last to win, I _do_ know that I won't be taking my turn covered in other people's vomit."

"Figures," Jo said bitterly.

"Hey, does that mean you picked me to go second so I wouldn't have to deal with that too?" Amy asked. "Because, you know, I would've preferred going _first_."

Scarlett gave her a sly smile. "Although you _are_ my closest ally," she told Amy with just a hint of sarcasm, "I'm afraid I must put my self-interest ahead of yours. You understand."

The mean girl huffed and crossed her arms.

xxx

"The use of the so-called 'Vomit Comet' was easy to predict given that the second challenge would involve G-forces," Scarlett explained calmly. "As such, the only reason I chose _Amy_ to go second is because I believe she has a weaker stomach than her sister. I need to maximize my chances of outperforming both Jo and Lightning, and to that end it was _obvious_ to arrange the others according to their likelihood of vomiting."

xxx

As Scarlett stared down the G-force training suit, the background music picked up its pace. She narrowed her eyes, and the scene skipped forward to just as she was about to climb in it. Pausing, she looked over at Chris and asked "Is there a penalty for vomiting inside this thing?"

"Yup!" the host answered happily. "Just to make things more _difficult_ for all of you."

Scarlett nodded curtly, then dropped into the suit and closed the helmet shut like a hatch. "Have a nice spin, Scarlett!" Chris said with a wave before pressing the buttons on his stopwatch and remote control simultaneously.

The machine immediately started to move, a bird's-eye view showing the arms rotating rapidly about the wheeled cart it was attached to. The camera cut to a close-up of the viewing window on the helmet, where Scarlett's face could clearly be seen. Her expression changed from visceral panic, to forced calm, to struggling to contain her vomit, a bitter sort of happiness as she finally succeeded, and lastly to an increasingly vacant look. She quickly shook it off, then exclaimed "I'd like to get out now!"

Chris obliged by pressing both buttons again, and the machine slowed to a stop. The helmet swung open and Scarlett pulled herself out, quite frazzled but definitely clean.

"25.3 seconds!" the host read off from his stopwatch with a grin. "I'd say that's pretty awesome for the first run, and it was totally dry to boot!"

"Beat," Scarlett began as she stumbled back towards the others, "uugghhgh...beat _that_." She grabbed Lightning for support, and the jock gave her an odd look.

"Lightning will as soon as you remove yo'self from his person," he told the brainiac. "And, uh, once it's his sha-_turn_."

Scarlett looked at him and groaned.

xxx

"Perhaps I'm not as suitable for space flight as I had hoped," Scarlett told the confessional camera. "Still, given how long I was able to last I'd say I have a good shot at winning. Now to work on _other_ matters."

xxx

"Alright Amy, you're up," Chris told the mean twin who begrudgingly approached him and the training suit.

"Uggh, the only thing good about this is that I'm going before _Samey_," Amy muttered angrily as she reached up to begin climbing the machine.

"Well, there goes my chance at _not_ having to do the challenge covered in barf," Sammy sighed.

"Hey, at least you only have to deal with your sister's," Jo told her. "I might have to deal with yours and Lightning's, too."

"Hey, Lightning is _not_ gonna lose his lunch in that thing!" the uber-jock protested.

"I'm holding you to that," Jo told him.

The shot cut over to Amy, now in the training suit. "Well, better get this _over_ with," she muttered before the helmet slammed shut. The camera cut to a grinning Chris as he pressed his two buttons, then pulled back to show the machine start to spin and Amy start to scream within.

"Psst," Scarlett hissed at Lightning as the castmates were shown watching Amy's run. She got the jock's attention and waved him over, then once they were a little ways away from Jo and Sammy she whispered "If you're looking to form a new alliance, then I'm willing to work with you."

Lightning raised an eyebrow at her. "Nuh-uh, no way. Lightning told you _weeks_ ago that his vote was his own. He mighta forgotten that once Amy was around, but not anymore! Sha-Lightning only needs _himself_ to win this game."

Scarlett's face fell into displeasure. "But with so few of us left in the game, don't you think you should-"

She was cut off when Lightning put his hand in her face. "Lightning don't wanna hear it. His vote is his _own_, end of story." He promptly walked away, and Scarlett's eyes narrowed.

The shot cut back to the G-force trainer as it finally slowed to a stop, then over to Chris who was frowning. "Wow," he said flatly, "you _almost_ made it fifteen whole seconds." The helmet swung open and Amy pulled herself out of the suit, her hair and mess and bits of vomit covering her entire body. "But as it stands, 14.3 seconds won't be enough even _without_ the ten-second penalty for hurling."

"Like...like I _care_ anymore...," Amy muttered as she slipped off the suit and fell onto the ground head-first. "Just so long as _Samey's_ turn _sucks_."

"Speaking of," Chris said with a smile forming on his face, "guess who's up next?"

"Is it me?" Sammy asked despondently.

"Why yes, yes it is!" the host answered happily, motioning towards the suit as Sammy trudged up to him.

"I hope you have a _fun_ ride, sis," Amy taunted as the twins passed each other.

"Oh, I'm sure I'll try," Sammy replied with an awkward laugh. The scene flashed forward to her in the suit, already looking disgusted. "Eww, how much chili did Amy _eat_," she said in horror just before the helmet swung down over her head.

Chris smiled and pressed the button on the remote control, and the camera switched over to the bird's-eye-view of the machine. The rotating arm rapidly built up speed, and like her sister before her Sammy quickly began to scream. Another viewpoint change showed the panicking cheerleader through the helmet's vomit-flecked viewing window, but it only lasted a few seconds before the focus moved back to the host.

"Fifteen seconds on the _dot_!" Chris read off his stopwatch as the machine was heard slowing down off-camera. "Not enough to beat Scarlett's record, but at least you beat your sister." Sammy crawled into view, hair disheveled and a with a few patches of vomit on her body. "Plus, you didn't even barf. Must make you proud to finally beat her at something."

"Y-yeah," Sammy gurgled as she passed the host, "proud." Jo offered her a hand up and she took it, then smirked weakly at her puke-stained sister. "Hear that Amy?" Sammy asked. "I _beat_ you."

Amy just grit her teeth and fumed in fury.

xxx

"The _only_ reason she lasted longer was because she's _gross_," Amy said to herself, clenching her eyes shut in front of the confessional mirror. "It's not a _real_ win. Samey didn't _actually_..._beat_..._me_..._again_!" Slowly, she brought her hands up to her sullied hair, then grabbed it hard and stifled a high and frustrated scream.

xxx

"Lightning, you're up!" Chris told the uber-jock who was already walking over.

"Ya'll better sha-find somewhere to sit," he bragged, "'cause Lightning's gonna be in there for a _while_."

"Glad to see you're feeling confident," Chris told him as he climbed into the suit. "Let's see how long that _lasts_, haha." The helmet closed, the buttons were pressed, and the machine began to spin.

The camera cut to the window of the helmet, showing Lightning closing his eyes in concentration. An ominous rumbling came from inside the suit, however, and the jock's eyes popped open in fear. "C'mon, chili, now is _not_ the time to be actin' up in there!" His cheeks promptly bulged, but he jammed his eyes shut and tried to force it back down.

The scene cut back to Chris just as the telltale sound of puke was heard, and the host stopped both watch and machine. "Looks like Lightning was all talk with nothing to back it up," Chris commented as the jock exited the suit covered with vomit. "Or in this case, keep it _down_. And although his time of 34.1 seconds _is_ impressive, losing ten seconds for puking means that Scarlett's still in the lead."

The camera quick-panned to the other castmates as Scarlett smiled and Jo scowled.

"Great job on _not_ losing your lunch, Lightweight," she berated as the jock slumped over to the line of campers. "Now I have to take a dive in your puke _and_ your ex-girlfriend's."

"Sha-don't care," Lightning told her, visibly tired.

"Just one more now," Chris announced with a grin. "Jo, that means you! Your slightly-soiled chariot awaits." He motioned to the approaching jock-ette then over to the training suit, the background music striking a dramatic chord as it was revealed to have quite a few vomit-splatters itself.

Jo pursed her lips in annoyance. "Having second thoughts?" Chris asked, leaning towards her with an impish smile on his face.

"Nope," Jo answered with plain determination, her eyes fixated on the suit.

xxx

"It's just a little dip in a barf-coated space suit and getting spun around like a _rag doll_ for a minute," she told the confessional camera. "I'd be a laughing stock if I _couldn't_ handle it! Not that I'm looking _forward_ to it, but I'm not about to let myself get taken out this late in the game by a little _gross-out_."

xxx

"Alright, let's get this challenge over with," Jo said, sneering in disgust at the glopping sound that was made as she got in the suit.

"Remember, if you can stay in the suit for longer than 25.3 seconds without puking," Chris told her with his remote and stopwatch at the ready, "you'll win invincibility."

"I got it, just start the thing already!" Jo yelled before slamming the helmet shut.

"As you wish," the host chuckled before pressing his two buttons. As with the others the camera switched first to a bird's-eye view of the machine as it began to move, then to a close-up of Jo's face through the helmet. She'd closed her eyes and set her expression into stony concentration, and barely flinched when a few bits of vomit dripped down her face.

The shot cut outside to the host and other four castmates as they watched. Chris was focused on the stopwatch in his hands; Amy was sulking; Lightning looked more bored than anything else; Scarlett was showing more and more dread every second; and Sammy was smiling and clenching her fists hopefully.

"Not long now," Chris said idly as he looked from the training machine to his watch again.

"Come on Jo, you can do it!" Sammy said encouragingly.

"And she's passed the twenty-five second mark!" the host added.

"Why won't you _vomit_ already?" Scarlett muttered in growing frustration.

The camera zoomed in on Chris again as a smile formed and he clicked his buttons, and the machine came to a stop. "And that's time!" he called.

"How'd I do?" Jo asked after swinging open the helmet and flopping over the side, vomit all over her head, chest, and mouth.

"With the time deducted for that late bit of barf," the host said slowly, "you come in with exactly 25._4_ seconds!" Triumphant music rose in the background, and Jo jumped down from the suit, landing on her feet with a small splash of puke. "I declare you the _winner_ of today's challenge!"

"_Yes_!" Jo cheered, raising up both arms and splashing more vomit around. Sammy was shown smiling happily at her, while Scarlett crossed her arms and sulked.

A sudden whistle caught the group's attention, and they looked over to see Chef Hatchet standing on a stepladder calmly slicing a carrot over the open suit. "Hope you all like _gumbo_!" he told them before resuming his work.

The camera panned across the castmates and host as all six wretched in sheerest disgust.

xxx

"Well, it's good that Jo won immunity for tonight," Sammy told the confessional camera, now completely cleaned up, "but that still leaves me to try and figure out who to vote for. I'd _love_ to vote out Amy," she smiled, "but I _also_ need to get dirt on Scarlett, and that probably means making her think she's going home next. And since that's the only way I'll actually get any _money_ from this since I can't win, I don't wanna put it off for too long." She became suddenly thoughtful, then smiled. "But I guess it might be easier to get Scarlett to cheat if there's only _four_ of us left, so maybe I _will_ vote for Amy..."

xxx

The scene cut to just outside the make-up trailer as Sammy left it – and Amy made to enter it. "Out of my way, _Samey_," she said in frustration, lashing out at her sister and shoving her aside.

"Right back at you, _sis_," Sammy replied, quickly regaining her balance and shoving her older twin inside the trailer.

xxx

Amy began her confessional by getting shoved into the chair in front of the mirror. She grabbed it and saved herself from falling, then glared at the camera. "What is _wrong_ with her?" she growled. "I swear, the moment we get home Samey is going to _pay_. Because seriously, this whole season has been a joke because of her. Despite _me_ getting on and doing what I was _supposed to do_, she _still_ gets special treatment."

"And now that Lightning's _dumped_ me," she continued to rant, "my entire plan is _ruined_! Since I don't control the _vote_ anymore, I can't give my _traitor_ ex-boyfriend an easy win in the finals so that he'll split the money with me, meaning I can't get around the 'finals ineligibility' clause in my contract, which makes this entire thing _pointless_." She slumped down, her elbows on the table and her head in her hands. "It just makes me so MAD!"

xxx

As her scream carried outside the trailer, the music deepened as the camera slowly panned to the right a little and cut to Scarlett crouched in hiding behind the trailer. Her eyes were wide and her mouth was agape. A door slammed off-camera, and she quickly hurried away.

xxx

"They're not _eligible_?!" Scarlett yelled at the camera, her eyes flashing dangerously red. "What's the point of allowing Amy and Samey into the competition if they aren't actual _players_?! This is the most absurdly insulting stunt the producers have _ever_ pulled, and-"

She stopped mid-rant and took a deep breath. "No, Scarlett, you _need_ to remain calm about this," she told herself, spreading her arms a little and closing her eyes. "Just think about what this means for the state of the game, and how to use it to your advantage." She took another breath, then opened her eyes. "The twins being ineligible to win means voting for them is _pointless_. In fact...," she paused briefly as her eyes widened in realization, "the current situation is essentially a modified Final Three!" She gasped, then narrowed her eyes. "But I can't tell the others about this without giving Chris a reason to pull the twins from the game prematurely."

xxx

/

The footage skipped ahead to nightfall, the background music taking a short but dramatic twist as the shot cut from the area in front of the cast trailers to around back the guys'. Sammy was shown throwing a small pebble at the lit-up window, and shortly after Lightning slid it open and stuck his head out.

"Sha-what do _you_ want?" the jock asked harshly.

"Oh, umm, first, I'm _Sammy_, not Amy," the nice twin began with a moment of uncertainty. Lightning seemed to relax slightly, and she continued. "And second, I just want to talk."

"You aren't gonna try to decide who Lightning's gonna vote for, are you?" the jock asked in suspicion.

Sammy shook her head. "No. I just figured that, well, since we both have problems with my _sister_, that maybe we could talk about it?" She smiled at him hopefully, and he looked at her blankly.

"Oh," he said awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. "Yeah, okay. Your sister really ain't right, y'know? I used to think her bein' so bossy was a _good_ thing, but then I realized she ain't much more than that."

"Yeah, I know," Sammy laughed. "She always just takes credit for what everyone else does and acts like she's better than she is. And if anyone tries to call her out on it, she gets _super_ defensive and pretends like they've done something horrible."

"Sha-_jeez_, how the heck did she ever get popular?" Lightning asked.

Sammy sighed. "Luck, mostly, and the fact that we've lived in the same small town all our lives. Once a rumor gets started, its _really_ hard to shake it. Amy's already pretty much ruined my life, but at least she wasn't able to ruin yours too."

Lightning frowned. "Yeah, hey, sorry about, y'know, bein' so _hard_ on you early in the season."

"Don't worry about it," Sammy said with a dismissive wave of her hand. "I'm sort of used to it by now." An owl hooted in the distance, distracting the two for a moment, then Sammy backed off slightly. "Well, I'm gonna get going now – I still wanna talk to Jo about tonight's vote. See you later!" She waved to Lightning before jogging away, and the jock halfheartedly returned the gesture with a thoughtful look on his face.

/

The scene flashed over to the interior of the girl's trailer as Sammy entered and Scarlett exited; the shot zoomed in on Scarlett's eyes as they narrowed darkly at the cheerleader and flashed red, then the camera pulled back as Scarlett hurried out the door.

"What was _that_ about?" Sammy asked in confusion, pointing in the direction the redhead had gone.

"Beats me," Jo shrugged and shook her head. "She just barged in a couple minutes ago and told me I had to vote for Jockstrap tonight. Said he was the biggest threat left, and too unpredictable, and we might not get another chance. Then as soon as she heard _you_ outside she bolted."

"Oh...," Sammy said. "So, are you gonna do it?"

"Ehh, I won't lie and say I haven't considered it," Jo admitted. "But I figure if she's so keen on getting rid of him _now_ she'll feel the same way _tomorrow_. And honestly, your sister's had it coming for awhile now."

Sammy smiled brightly. "Great! Because I just finished talking to Lightning, and I think he might be voting for Amy too."

Jo smirked. "Then as long as there's no _funny business_ with the vote, I guess you're finally gonna see your sister get the boot!"

"Yeah...," Sammy said, suddenly thoughtful.

/

The Gilded Chris Ceremony began with all its usual fanfare, and the introductory sequence flashed into a shot of the partly-cloudy night sky. "And _five_," the host said as the camera panned down to the amphitheater, "shall soon become _four_, as we bid farewell to another cast member. Everyone, cast your votes."

The shot cut to the cast members on the stand, with Jo and Sammy on the top row; Scarlett and Lightning in the middle; and Amy in the bottom left corner away from the rest. The camera cut to close-ups of each contestant as they cast their votes.

"This is the _only_ logical choice right now," the brainiac muttered.

"You're gonna _pay_ for what you did!" the mean twin hissed as she jabbed her voting device with her finger several times.

"Here's hoping this works!" the nice twin said softly, a miniature camcorder on her lap pointing at the row in front of her.

"Sha-Lightning is _through_ with you!" the uber-jock declared under his breath.

"And another one bites the dust!" Jo said with a smirk.

The background music picked up its pace and intensity as the scene flashed to a close-up of the four gilded statuettes on a tray held by Chef Hatchet, the man wearing his formal pink gown once again but scratching his behind.

"And the Gilded Chris goes to...," Chris began to read from his envelope, "Jo! Samey! Scarlett!" One by one, the girls were shown catching their awards with smiles on their faces. Amy and Lightning were shown in a split screen, both of the former lovers looking nervous at first before catching each other's eye. A dark and wild grin formed on Amy's face, while Lightning replied with dead seriousness.

"Aaaannd...," Chris said slowly as the music reached its peak, "_Lightning_!" He tossed the final award to the uber-jock, who caught it with a vicious and triumphant grin.

"Hah!" he said, standing up and pointing a finger at his stunned and horrified ex. "Take _that_, you sha-lousy excuse for a girlfriend!"

"I...what..._WHAT_?!" Amy said in quickly rising outrage, standing up as well and leveling a furious glare straight at Scarlett. "You said it was gonna be _him_ going home tonight!" She said, pointing at Lightning but keeping her eyes locked on the brainiac even as Chef came and grabbed her arm.

"That's because it was _supposed_ to be Lightning going home," Scarlett said, clenching her jaw and eyes tight as she slowly turned her head away from the cheerleader being thrown over Chef's shoulder. "But apparently," her tone was remarkably level, "_Jo_ had a different _idea_!"

She raised her voice sharply as she opened her eyes and gave the jock-ette a glare so withering and furious that she was taken aback by it. "Instead of voting out the _threat_," her voice became unreasonably calm again as her eyes turned red, "you voted for someone who is contractually ineligible to _WIN_!"

The music froze and everyone else seemed to do so with it. Chef had stopped in his tracks, eyes wide and mouth agape, with Amy slung over his shoulder with a similar expression. "How did you even _know_ about that?!" she finally asked frantically.

Scarlett sniffed haughtily. "Because _you_ made the mistake of talking about it in a confessional that I was able to overhear. I'd tell you to be more careful with those, but as your sister," she shot a quick glare Sammy, "did the _same_, I'm going to assume it's a genetic flaw of your family."

"Wait, hold on," Jo interrupted with confusion and disbelief on her face. "Are you saying that Sammy and Amy weren't _actually_ competing with us?"

"Essentially, yes," Scarlett answered the jock-ette with a hint of bitterness in her voice. "Those two were allowed _false entry_ into the competition and given special tasks to fulfill in exchange for monetary compensation. But despite how _insulting_ I initially found it, I was willing to use it to my advantage. But unfortunately, _you_," she turned her glare back towards Jo, "decided to ruin my plan once again."

"Well _that_ explains some stuff," Jo said, giving Sammy a suspicious look and receiving a sheepish smile in return.

"Maybe even a whole lot!" Lightning added.

"A_hem_?" a purposely loud throat clearing directed everyone's attention back towards center stage where Chris was standing with a thoroughly unamused look on his face. "Yeah, I don't care how much it _explains_, the vote still stands and Amy is going _home_."

"What? No! You can't do this to me!" Amy said in a renewed panic as the shock wore off Chef's face and he finished carrying her over to the loser's limo.

Chef slammed the door, and the camera cut to Sammy smiling in the stands. "But now thanks to _Scarlett_," Chris said in annoyance as the focus cut back to him, "we have something _else_ to take care of." Sammy was shown again, turning her head towards the host with dread filling her face. "Ya see, since Samey failed to keep herself a secret like she was _supposed_ to, and a spy that's been spied is _useless_, _she_ gets to go home as well!"

"B-but I _can't_!" Sammy stuttered as she got to her feet, holding up her camcorder and waving it above her head in a quickly-growing panic. "I didn't get to prove if Scarlett was cheating or not!"

Jo and Lightning shared a confused look, then the shot cut back to Chris once again. "Yeah, you blew that _too_," the host told her. Sammy looked stunned for a moment, but quickly hung her head and allowed herself to be lead away by Chef.

"Oh, and Samey?" Chris called just as she and her escort got to the limousine, causing both to pause and look back. "Make sure to tell Amy that _neither_ of you are gonna get paid." Sammy groaned, then Chef opened the door.

"What's going on?" Amy asked from inside before Sammy was unceremoniously tossed inside, the door was slammed, and the limousine sped off into the night.

"Well," Chris said, taking a breath as the usual ending music started up and regaining his usual smile. "Looks like the Final _Five_ have now become the Final _Three_. What fate waits the remaining contestants? Find out next time, on Total! Drama! Action!"

(Fade to Credits)

/

/

/

**[Bonus Clip]**

The twins were wrestling with one another as the clip began, pulling each other's hair and shoving each other into the seat and walls in the very cramped quarters.

"I still beat you!" Sammy said as she twisted her sister's arm.

"You did not!" Amy countered, biting her sister in the arm then bucking her up into the ceiling.

The fight continued for a few more seconds until the two grabbed each other by the shoulders and fought for dominance more directly. The limousine hit a sudden bump, the twins lost their balance, and crashed straight into the camera with shock on their faces.

* * *

**Author's Note - Post Script**

I imagine this chapter shocked and/or surprised many of you. The double elimination, Amy's finals ineligibility, and Scarlett still not getting comeuppance for her cheating are all things that I don't thing any of the reviewers were really expecting. As such, I'll do my best to explain them.

First, the double elimination. I had originally planned on putting it off until the next episode as in canon, but a certain review ended up making me reconsider things. A few chapters ago, Ddynamo mentioned how they disliked it when the Final Three was skipped. And while I won't say I changed my plan simply to please one reviewer, it did make me rethink these last two eliminations a bit. I decided that it would be worth it to shake things up - move who was originally going to go home here to Top Dog, then bump the twins' elimination up to this episode. It did mean that I had to change the next challenge a bit, but I think things worked pretty well for both chapters.

As for Amy and her contractual inability to reach the finals, it was actually something I had planned from the start. It's why I had her try to convince Lightning to split the money with her, as well why I didn't initially update the elimination table after Amy entered the game. I had intended that to be a sort of hint that maybe she wasn't really in the game properly, but after a couple weeks of reviewers kept mentioning it I decided that it would be too obvious a hint if I kept it up. Thus, I lied about having not noticed it - sorry!

And regarding Scarlett...well, it would be spoilers to talk about her inevitable downfall so you'll have to wait...

Other than that, I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Lightning and Amy's break-up might be a little...sudden, at least in the context of the chapter, but I needed it to happen early on so I'm satisfied with how it went down. Hopefully you're all satisfied as well.

And for the record? I'm totally counting this as a win of Sammy. She may not have gotten paid, but she did get her sister voted out. That she herself was fired shortly after is irrelevant.

See you all next week, when our Final Three become the Final Two!

\- Fangren

* * *

**Appendix: TSA Eliminated Contestants**

Geoff - (Tied for 14th Place)

Bridgette - (Tied for 14th Place)

Shawn - (13th Place)

Alejandro - (12th Place)

Sierra - (11th Place)

Beardo - (10th Place)

Topher - (9th Place)

Sammy - (8th Place; Returned But Ineligible for Victory)

Beth - (7th Place)

Dawn - (6th Place)

B - (5th Place)

DJ - (4th Place)

Amy - (Ineligible for Victory)


	24. Chapter 24 - Top Dog

**Author's Note**

Hello, dear readers! I hope you're all excited about today's chapter. It was a tad difficult to write since there's only three contestant left compared to the four that were in the canon episode, but I feel like I did a good job modifying the challenge and padding out the time to make everything work. Regarding next week's episode, I haven't quite finished it yet since I've deliberately been trying to take the finale a bit slowly, but there's only one scene left and I already have it all planned out so there won't be any issues finishing it up on Saturday.

But before that, there's a big load of reviews in need of answering.

**NewAgeHero:** Good to hear! I can certainly see why Jo could be disliked in canon, and I'm glad knowing that I was able to develop her into someone you like more.

**I. M. Poik:** Thanks! Also, yeah, sorry for having Jo win so much lately. It's obviously something I'll have to pay more attention to next season. In my defense, all of those wins made sense to me at the time. That aside, I do hope you enjoy this chapter!

**Invader Cole:** Hmm...well, I'm not sure if Lightning's getting smarter specifically, but he is definitely figuring more stuff out...I guess? Glad you liked the end I gave the twins, and regarding Amy's treatment of Lightning...I get the feeling that she's really not used to having to actual treat her peers with respect in order to get what she wants from them. It's completely foreign to her, so even though she thought up a decent plan she wasn't able to execute it. And yeah, I'm definitely gonna address the 'overhearing confessionals' thing next season at the very least. It's not likely to happen again unless I really need it for a gag (think 'Tyler walking in on Duncan and Gwen', which was one of my favorite scenes of the canon WT).

**FOWLKON:** Well, you'll just have to read on and find out. And yeah, I've already seen the leaked RR episode...many times. I can see the similarities between that one character and Chris, but I don't think they're actually related.

**acosta perez jose ramiro:** Thanks as always, and a definite agreement about Sammy.

**StayOuttaMyShed:** Haha, glad you kept your promise. And thanks for the compliments on the final three, as well as the ending to the twins' run this season. I'm glad I could nail there characters and interactions - Amy as the second villain to Scarlett's lurking main; Sammy's eventual triumph; and of course the development and story arcs of Jo and Lightning. Hopefully I can maintain that level of quality in the next few seasons. As for what happens this week...well, you'll just have to read on and find out.

**OMAC001:** Always good to hear I've surprised someone, and that they're looking forward to the rest of the story. I hope you enjoy it!

**Knifez:** Awesome, I'm glad you loved it! And I'm glad you liked Amy's illegibility since I wasn't sure how people would take it since it wasn't really foreshadowed that much. Interesting speculations as always, but I'll decline any further comment on them for now. Except for the WT ones - Josh and Blaineley are definitely gonna be kept where they are, and the latter is probably going to become a contestant unless I come up with an idea for that role that I like even better. And yeah, the two newbies next season are both gonna be heroes, meaning no Heather sadly enough. Don't worry, though - the villain role for next season will still be filled, and Heather will have her time to shine later.

**The Prime Writer:** I'm glad you liked the chapter. I figured that someone would think that Scarlett would be getting the boot based on the title, but then again people have been predicting her impending elimination for weeks now. And yeah, it was nice to show Lightning as actually being able to admit he has a heart, and sometimes even knows when he's done wrong. Other than that, thanks for the enjoyable review, and I hope you keep liking the story!

**Glowing Insanity:** Thanks! I do my best to live up to the Drama in the original series' name.

**POPGoesDaWeasel:** Yeah, I don't believe you. Everything about you so far has suggested that you're a troll, so don't expect me to answer any more of your reviews from here on out.

**Elizabeth Life Stone:** Thanks! I enjoy keeping my readers on their toes.

**Bruno 14:** It makes me smile knowing you enjoyed the last chapter for so many reasons.

**aloasa:** Hah, good to hear. As for Scarlett's end...well, I don't want to spoil anything.

**lordkalel:** Thank you so much! Always good to hear from a Scarlett fan. As for what awaits her in future seasons...well, I'm not about to spoil anything now.

**Curcle:** Duly noted. Thanks for the review!

**insertnamehere21:** Nah, she never mentioned it before. I wanted it kept secret, and she's the type to not want to say something like that since it would probably cause her to lose face with the fans.

**Guest #1:** Always nice to here from a fellow DJ x Dawn fan! My other story, Total Drama Rebirth, is technically counted as that pairing but it's a slow updater so their relationship hasn't had a chance to develop yet. There's always a chance of me making a DJawn one-shot or something when I have time in the future, though.

**Ddynamo:** Oh, I was wondering where you were. I hope your vacation went well. And yeah, although I usually prefer the ideas I come up with on my own, I am definitely open to suggestions or influences from the reviewers.

**Guest #2:** Lol you're way too late, not that I would've even begun to consider your request if I'd heard it earlier on in the series. As far as the Shuffledverse is considered, Beardo is 100% gay.

**Karts of Sugar Rush:** First of all, thank you for reviewing the first season as well, and I'm glad you enjoyed all the twists and changes I gave it. And, of course, similarly with this season - thank you for letting me know what you thought of everyone's arcs and eliminations! Regarding the eavesdropping, it was actually Invader Cole who mentioned it first, and I'll reiterate the reply I gave them: As of right now, I intend on addressing it early next season in such a way that there won't likely be any further eavesdropping on confessionals unless I absolutely need it for a gag. Your concerns for World Tour are definitely heard, and I am willing to say that of the three plot points you mentioned only one is still present in any shape - but even then, it's been very heavily modified into what I hope is an acceptable form.

As for what Scarlett meant by 'modified final three' last chapter, it was referring to the fact that only three of them could actually win the game while the twins could only vote and participate in challenges. Scarlett's plan was to eliminate Lightning last episode, which would essentially guarantee that the finale would be her against Jo.

**Ali6132:** Thanks, I'm glad you liked the chapter despite Sammy leaving too. And you're right about LightAmy - it might work somewhere else, but certainly not now. As I said earlier, Blaineley is almost certainly going to become a contestant next season unless I come up with something I like more. Other than that, thanks for telling me what you're expecting to happen!

**Star Saber21:** Yup! Lightning and Sammy finally stood up to Amy in their own ways, and the mean twin has officially been beaten. I hope you like the last few episodes to come this season.

**Call Me Ishmael:** Oh ho, quite the cast list. Some names are right, some names are wrong...but you'll have to wait a couple more weeks to find out which ones.

And now with all those reviews out of the way, time for the last roster before the finale:

Girls \- Jo, Scarlett

Boys \- Lightning

And here we are at last, the challenge that decides the Final Two. The last chapter before the finale of Total Shuffled Action begins. Enjoy.

\- Fangren

* * *

**Episode 24 – Top Dog**

"Last time, on Total Drama Action!" The opening shot of the film lot quickly cut to the scene of the monolith getting pushed aside to reveal the five parcels. "Some surprise packages from the outside world gave the cast a breath of fresh air," Scarlett was shown receiving her USB flash drive, Jo her doorstop, and Lightning his trophy, "while the _challenge_ gave them a taste of life in zero-gravity conditions." Sammy opened her eyes and looked around in amazement, and the five teens were shown floating inside the shuttle.

"But all was not well in the universe as Lightning _finally_ told Amy to shove off." Their break-up was shown, leading with their mid-air conversation by the shuttle's control panel and culminating in the jock kicking away from the wall, leaving Amy to gape in shock.

"In the end, Jo won the challenge but _lost_ her biggest ally." The jock-ette was shown cheering despite the vomit she was coated with, then Sammy was shown being led away by Chef. "Samey won against her sister, but lost her chance to earn money off the competition." The younger twin was shown emerging from her run in the G-force trainer, then getting thrown into the limousine of losers where her sister was already seated. "And Amy," Chris paused to laugh as the older twin reacted with shock and outrage to her elimination, "well, she just _lost_. _Big time_."

"Will Scarlett continue to evade scrutiny for her possibly cheating ways?" the host asked as the recap footage was replaced by a shot of the brainiac smirking smugly at the camera. "Or will Jo and Lightning put aside their differences to take her down?" Pictures of the two athletes slid onto screen over Scarlett's and bounced slightly off one another before coming to a rest; the two were giving each other suspicious looks.

The scene flashed to Chris at his usual spot in front of the cast trailers. "All this and more, on today's out-of-this world episode of, Total! Drama! Action!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be...famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be...famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

The episode opened on a shot of the morning sun before panning down to the cast trailers. The camera centered on the girls', then cut inside as Scarlett woke up with a yawn and a stretch of her arms. Sitting up in her bunk, she drowsily tore off her sleep mask and put on her glasses, then turned her heavily-lidded eyes to the side.

They immediately widened as the camera moved to get all four pairs of beds in the shot – revealing Jo sitting cross-legged and already dressed on the top bunk across from Scarlett. "It's about _time_ you woke up," she told the brainiac in a harsh tone.

"Were you watching me all night?" Scarlett asked immediately as her eyes narrowed with suspicion.

"Maybe I have, maybe I haven't," Jo answered. "What's it to you?"

"My personal space and privacy?" the brainiac said. "I had assumed we would continue to respect each other in that regard, but apparently I was mistaken. Additionally, I'm surprised you're willing to risk _sleep deprivation_ this late in the competition. It doesn't exactly seem like a good game move, unless you're anticipating the our next movie-based challenge to be _coma_-themed."

"Hey, don't tell me how to play the game," the jock-ette growled. "I know what I'm doing. Just remember that I'm watching you, and _maybe_ you'll be fine."

xxx

"Yeah, so I didn't _actually_ stay up all night watching Sleeping Brainy," Jo admitted in the confessional. "We're at the Final Three, and I want to be in top condition to secure my spot in the finale. But Sammy said something about Scarlett _cheating_ right before she got canned, and I can't just ignore that. I refuse to lose because McLean and the producers couldn't catch her in the act, so from here on out I'm gonna keep her on her _toes_ at all times."

xxx

Scarlett pursed her lips in annoyance, then climbed down from her bed. "If you want to waste your time and energy on baseless suspicion, then far be it from me to stop you," she told her roommate. "In fact, I _welcome_ the easier win you've given me by effectively taking yourself out of the competition."

Jo dropped to the floor next, and crossed her arms as she took a few steps towards her roommate. "Don't get ahead of yourself. I'm more than a match for you _any_ day."

Just then, the trailer door burst open. The culprit was none other than Chris himself, who promptly and joyfully blew a few notes on a bugle into the room. "Wake up, sleepyheads!" he announced with glee.

"We're _already_ up," Scarlett told him angrily while Jo mirrored the sentiment with a glare.

Chris blinked, then grinned. "So you are! Maybe I shoulda started _sooner_." The camera pulled back again to show the two young women still glaring. "Anywho, just wanted to tell you two that breakfast is served! Along with today's movie challenge. You've got ten minutes to get your sorry butts down there!" Shooting them fingers pistols, he promptly backed out of the room.

/

The scene flashed over to the craft services tent. "Sha-_dang_, dude!" Lightning said in awe as the camera cut to a close-up of his meal tray as Chef ladled another portion of something that was pale yellow, lumpy, and had a few hairs in it onto the plate. "These scrambled eggs actually sha-look like, uh, _eggs_!"

Chef Hatchet looked at the jock, then burst out into raucous laughter. "_Scrambled eggs_," he repeated before resuming his laughter and even falling over so that only his feet and legs stuck up above the serving counter. Lightning shot him and annoyed look, then walked away.

"Lightning don't care if these are eggs or _oranges_," he muttered to himself as he walked over to a table and took a seat, "if it has protein he's gonna eat it." He picked up a small piece of the lumpy yellow stuff between his fingers, looked at it closely, then sniffed it, then tossed it into his mouth. He chewed it once and swallowed, then raised an eyebrow in sheer disbelief at the dish in front of him. "Sha-_seriously_?"

He held the pose for a moment before shrugging and scooping up a spork full of the mystery meal. "It's way too early and _way_ too late in the game to be a picky eater now," he said to himself before he started to eat.

xxx

"Lightning thought it was smooth sailin' with only himself, the nerdy girl, and Jo left in the game," the overachiever told the confessional camera. "But then the twin he _wasn't_ datin' went and accused the nerdy girl of cheatin'! Well, Lightning doesn't _stand_ with cheaters. Now he needs a plan to get nerdy girl voted _out_...," He finished his confessional with a crafty look on his face.

xxx

Jo was shown approaching the meal counter, a tray already on it but no Chef in sight. She crossed her arms and tapped her foot impatiently, and in seconds the hulking man lifted his arm up and dropped a ladle of mystery meal onto her tray.

"Huh," she said blankly as she looked it over, "scrambled eggs actually look _edible_ today!" She complimented before walking away. Chef broke out laughing again behind the counter, causing Jo to pause mid-step and give him a confused and suspicious look over her shoulder. He managed to sit back up and wipe a tear out of his eye, and the jock-ette walked off with an unamused frown.

The camera cut to a shot of the full room as Jo walked over to the table where Lightning was at and Scarlett came in from outside; the jock-ette briefly gave her roommate a suspicious look that went ignored.

She dropped her tray on the table and sat down across from Lightning, then leaned towards him with a hand shielding her mouth and a conspiratorial look behind her. "Psst! Hey, Lightning!" she hissed at the uber-jock.

Lightning immediately perked up and swallowed his latest bite of breakfast.

"Look, I'm not gonna pretend we get along," Jo continued, pointing a thumb back over her shoulder, "but I think we _both_ know there's something more important to deal with." The viewpoint shifted to just behind Lightning as he leaned to the right and spotted Scarlett at the meal counter, just as Chef Hatchet fell down laughing again.

"So how about we put aside our differences and deal with the _cheater_ among us," Jo explained. "Make sure she doesn't win today's challenge, then vote her out next. Sound good?"

Lightning frowned. "Now, you know Lightning doesn't like bein' bossed around," he told the jock-ette under his breath, "but since he was gonna do all that anyway, you got a sha-_deal_." He extended his hand and Jo shook it, both jocks grinning slightly.

"Good. You weren't exactly my _first_ choice to go up against in the finale," she told him, "but at least _you_ deserve to be here."

"Sha-Lightning feels the same way," the overachiever replied, raising his head slightly and in doing so alerting Jo that Scarlett was walking up behind her.

"Have either of you figured out what today's breakfast actually _is_?" she asked, peering closely at the food on her plate even as she took a seat at the table on the same side as Jo but a little ways away. "Because I'm 99% certain that it has no relation to either _eggs_ or the chickens that lay them."

Lightning opened his mouth and raised a finger to answer, but was cut off by the host. "Attention, cast!" he said, the camera cutting to him standing on the other side of the tent with a blue-and-yellow macaw perched on his shoulder. It squawked as the three contestants walked up.

"What's with the parrot?" Jo asked.

"That's my new BFFF!" Chris explained with a grin. "Best Flying Friend Forever. That brings us to today's movie genre: the _Animal Buddy_ flic." The three teens gave him skeptical looks.

xxx

"_You_ try comin' up with twenty-six movie genres!" the host told the confessional camera. "It was either Animal Buddy, or 'Guy in a Coma' movies."

xxx

"The hallmark of any good animal buddy flic is the human-animal bonding," Chris explained as his macaw watched his keenly. "First, the human and the animal start out as enemies. Then, through many misadventures, the animal and human grow to care about each other," the camera zoomed in on the macaw as it seemed to be touched by the host's words, "and become fast friends."

The parrot rubbed Chris' chin affectionately with its head, and the host responded by extending a finger to rub the bird. However, the macaw decided to playfully chomp on the finger and squawked laughingly as the human winced in pain.

"You guys...just hang tight for a sec, kay?" Chris told the cast with a decidedly unhappy look on his face. He walked off camera, and the castmates watched in mild horror as he beat up his alleged friend – feathers flew, squawks were heard, and the man himself even grunted something like "Let _go_ of my _claw_!"

He walked back into view moments later, brushing the feathers off his shoulder but ignoring the ones in his now-ruffled hair. "So...where were we...?" he asked idly before smiling in realization. "Right! The first Animal Buddy movie challenge will be to pick an animal and teach it to be just like you," he explained as the camera panned across the wary faces of Scarlett, Lightning, and Jo. "That shouldn't be hard, since you're all animals." He leaned forward with a delighted and expectant grin on his face as a rimshot played, but none of the cast were amused.

Chris quickly resumed his usual demeanor and exposition. "The cast member whose animal _most_ resembles them at the end, wins the challenge." The contestants were shown again, and Scarlett in particular was looking thoughtful.

xxx

"Although I have no formal experience in training animals _specifically_," the brainiac explained, "I am eager to apply the skills I've already tested on my little brother. Preferably on some sort of _primate_," she added with a thoughtful tap of her chin.

xxx

The footage resumed at a shot of the contestants outside. "Alright cast," Chris announced, "time to meet your future BFFFFFs!" He motioned behind him, where something large and covered in an orange tarp was stationed between him and Chef. "Best Furry, Feathered, or Finned Friends, Forever!" he explained further, earning an eyeroll from his assistant as the hulking man pulled away the tarp.

The music quickly rose dramatically and the castmates gasped as three cages were uncovered. Each received the camera's focus in turn: on the far left was a brown bear which roared at the humans; the largest cage in the center held a bull moose which snorted, bellowed, and attempted to buck its was out of confinement; and on the far right the smallest contained...an orange tabby cat, curled up asleep. The music abruptly changed to something sweet and lilting as the focus lingered on the cute animal, only for it to return to its dramatic score just as quickly when the cat awoke and hissed viciously at the outsiders, its eyes flashing red as its fur bristled.

"Pick an animal," Chris told the cast, "and get training. You have _three_ hours."

"I call the cat!" Scarlett said immediately, dashing forward towards the smallest cage before either of the others could react. She knelt down beside it with a smirk, and easily dodged a swipe of its claws.

xxx

"The cat was the natural choice," the brainiac explained. "The species has _already_ been domesticated, and its size makes it the least dangerous to train out of all the choices. Additionally, cats are intelligent – easily the most suitable companion for myself."

xxx

The scene cut back to Jo and Lightning considering the moose and bear, both of which still looked hostile.

"Uh, mooses are fast, right?" the uber-jock asked. "'Cause Lightning wants his animal buddy to be able to _keep up_ with him."

"Yeah, I don't think that's gonna be a problem," Jo told him. "In fact, I'd say the moose suits you."

"'Sha-yeah, because we're both the _strongest_ and _fastest_ around," Lightning boasted proudly.

"Yeah, right," the jock-ette said with a smirk that went unnoticed.

xxx

"'Strongest and fastest'?" she repeated in the confessional. "More like most _stubborn_ and _unpredictable_. But hey, it suits him, so what do I care? Not like _I_ wanted to tame the thing."

xxx

"Guess that leaves you and me, big guy," Jo told the bear while giving it an appraising look. "I won't say you're what I was _hoping_ for, but I respect your strength." The bear snorted at her.

The camera panned over to Scarlett as she continued to look over the cat she'd chosen. She furrowed her brow, then stood up and turned towards the host. "Excuse me," she asked, "but is this the same cat that was used for the Superhero movie challenge?"

"Oh, you mean Dander Boy?" Chris answered. "Nah, he was a paid actor, left the lot _weeks_ ago. _You_ get a feral stray the interns found eating out of a dumpster."

"Of course," Scarlett deadpanned, her face having fallen into annoyance.

/

"Alright, now do like this!" Lightning said as he flexed his arm and kissed his biceps. The camera pulled back slightly to show that the bull moose had been freed from its cage, and was now watching the uber-jock with somewhat hateful disinterest. After it did nothing but snort at him, Lightning scowled. "C'mon, sha-moose! Don't you wanna be as cool as Lightning?" The moose just snorted again.

The scene cut over to Scarlett and her cat. "Okay, now if you'd just calm down," she told the cat as it continued to arch its back and hiss at her, "I'll gladly give you some food." She held up a bowl of dry cat food, and the feline briefly seemed interested in it. "That's right," Scarlett told it as she slowly lowered the food to the ground, "I'm not going to harm you. I want to work _with_ you." The cat's eyes followed it, but then it started hissing again – and moments later jumped on to the bowl and scratched Scarlett's wrist. Startled, the brainiac dropped the bowl and glared at the cat that was now eating warily from it.

The camera panned next to Jo as she let the bear out of the cage, and it cautiously walked out on its hind legs. "Look, we're stuck together, so let's just get this over with," Jo told it bluntly. "I'm the human, so I'm in _charge_, got that?"

The bear furrowed its brow then hooked a claw on her shirt collar, pulled her close so that it towered above her, then growled in her face.

Jo smirked. "Nice power play! Maybe you really _are_ like me after all." The bear raised it eyebrows and released her. "We both like to be in charge, and I respect that. But that won't be enough to win this challenge, so follow me and I'll show you how _I_ like to operate." She walked away, and the camera lingered on a close-up of the bear's face. It shrugged, then followed after her.

/

The scene flashed over to what seemed to be an empty part of the film lot as Jo and the bear walked up to it. The jock-ette stopped and put her hands on her hips, and seconds later Lightning and the moose entered from opposite sides of the screen and charged at one another. They clashed antler-to-arm a few feet away from a surprised-looking Jo, and although Lightning managed to hold on for a few seconds the moose quickly overpowered him and tossed him to the ground with a toss of his head.

"What are you two _doing_?" Jo asked in confusion as the bear scratched its head behind her.

Lightning shrugged as he got back on his feet. "Dunno. Just seemed like a good idea. Ain't that right?" he asked the moose, who merely snorted and pawed the ground with a hoof.

"Riiight...," Jo said slowly, giving the moose a wary glance before turning her attention back to Lightning. "Look, I figure that since our resident _brainiac_ has probably read an encyclopedia about animal training or something, we need to do everything we can to keep her and her furball of a partner as enemies."

"Are you sayin' we should _sabotage_ her?" Lightning asked skeptically, the moose casting a similar look towards the jock-ette.

"Well, I'm not saying we're gonna _cheat_ to oust the _cheater_, if that's what you think," Jo told him. "But there's nothing stopping us from _distracting_ her when she's trying to get on that cat's good side."

Lightning pursed his lips in thought. "Fine," he said, "but Lightning's still gonna focus on teachin' the moose to be like him _first_." He slowly smiled. "But he can do that close to the nerdy girl, no problem."

"Glad to hear it," Jo smirked.

xxx

"Lightning's in this to win the million, so he's _gotta_ prioritize the challenge," the jock explained in the confessional trailer. "But he also recognizes that the sha-cheater has _got_ to sha-go. Good thing he's awesome enough to do both at the same time! Now," he rubbed his chin thoughtfully, "he just has to figure out how to make the _moose_ awesome too."

xxx

/

The footage cut back to Scarlett and her cat, the human now seated at a picnic table while the cat slept peacefully on top. The brainiac was twirling a long piece of grass above it with a bored expression on her face, but the cat showed no sign of movement.

xxx

"I _may_ have overestimated the relative training receptivity of a feral cat in comparison with a preteen human male," Scarlett dryly confessed.

xxx

"Well, at least it's now comfortable enough to _sleep_," Scarlett muttered as she rested her head against her free hand.

"Alright!" came an excited cry from off-screen that immediately gained both the brainiac's and the cat's attention. "Sha-Lightning is goin' _long_, so try to tackle him just like he showed you!" Scarlett and the cat exchanged a confused look, and the camera pulled back a bit to show Lightning sprinting at them with a football under his arm. He bounded up on to the table, alarming both its occupants, then jumped off and kept running.

Human and cat watched him leave, then at the sound of hoof beats turned their heads back around and promptly widened their eyes.

They barely jumped out of the way as the bull moose stampeded straight through the table in pursuit of Lightning, leaving the wooden thing in rubble. Scarlett quickly pulled herself up off the ground, the orange tabby clinging to the top of her head in fear. "What do you think you're _doing_, Lightning?!" she shouted furiously in the direction the jock and moose and gone. She shook her fist, while the cat on her head arched its back and yowled, clawing the air in front of it in its own display of anger. "You could've _killed_ me!"

"Sha-sorry!" Lightning called back over his shoulder with an impish grin and equally-impish wave. "Didn't see you-oof!" His 'apology' was cut short when, having not been watching his path, he slammed straight into a tree. He fell on his back with stars circling his eyes, and the moose skidded to a halt a few inches away. It snorted at him in contempt.

/

"Alright, listen up," Jo told the bear. "You've already got being strong and not taking anybody's _crap_ down, but there's more to me than that." The bear looked at her blankly. "Now, I _was_ gonna teach you how to go for the kiwis, but since I'm pretty sure you have a pair yourself I'll leave that out for now."

The bear nodded vigorously while holding its front paw between its back legs.

"In that case, there's only one thing I need to teach you," she said with a smirk, "how to use _this_." The camera zoomed in on her neck as she reached down her shirt and pulled out her whistle. The shot pulled back out, and she blew a long, sharp note on it that made the bear wince. "Now, I don't just give this to _anyone_," she added while taking the whistle off her neck, "but since I can't find a spare, I'm gonna have to trust you not to break it or anything." She handed the whistle to the bear, who seemed surprised by the gesture. "Just make sure you give it back, okay?"

The bear nodded at her, then looked at the whistle, then turned its head to the side – the camera panned to follow, showing Scarlett sitting on the ground nearby, calmly stroking the cat resting on her lap. The bear looked back at Jo, and both nodded.

The shot cut back to Scarlett and the cat as a loud, shrill, and sputtering whistle filled the air. The cat reacted instantly, leaping up in a hair-raised panic, scratching the human's face, and bolting off. Scarlett sent a dark glare over at Jo and the bear, both of whom looked around nonchalantly.

xxx

"Clearly, the others are intent on making my job _harder_," Scarlett told the confessional camera with bitterness filling her voice. She smiled darkly, then added "But that will just make their defeats all the more satisfying."

xxx

The scene skipped ahead to Scarlett kneeling down by one of the cast trailers, the cat hiding underneath it. "Okay, I realize you dislike me and _despise_ the others," she told it calmly. "However, if you're anything like me then _hiding_ won't satisfy you. Instead," she smiled slightly, "you should focus on getting your _revenge_." The cat blinked at her, then raised its head in a toothy grin.

/

A flash took the scene to a stock shot of the film lot before another cut took it to Chris and Chef sitting at a judge's table, the contestants and their animal buddies waiting around in front of it. "Alright cast," Chris announced, "time to judge the animal buddies."

"Oh yeah, I hope you ladies are ready to _lose_," Lightning taunted with a cocky smirk on his face. In response, Scarlett rolled her eyes and Jo crossed her arms dismissively.

"Scarlett!" Chris called, earning the attention of the brainiac and her partner. "You and your cat are up first!"

"I see," the brainiac said as she and her buddy approached the table, the cat's tail standing straight up. "Well, if you're expecting any _tricks_ you'll be sorely disappointed. Much like _myself_, the cat is too independent to perform on demand." As she spoke she wiped her glasses off with a cloth from her pocket, while the cat sat beside her and licked its left paw; as Scarlett replaced her glasses, the cat washed its face.

"Hrrmmm...," the host said, peering at them uncertainly. "I'm not buying that. With all the _challenges_ you've done, I'd say you're _more_ than willing to perform when I tell you to!"

Swiftly and suddenly, Scarlett slammed her hands on the judge's table while the cat jumped up on it. "The ONLY reason I did those was to win the prize money," Scarlett yelled while her companion hissed and arched its back, both of their eyes turning red. "Had I not been contractually obligated you'd have _never_ persuaded me to perform those insipid tasks!"

Both Chris and Chef looked taken aback by the outburst, and they shared a shocked look before breaking out into grins. "Okay, yeah, I can _definitely_ see the resemblance now!" the host said, both him and his assistant holding up placards that read '9'.

Scarlett cleared her throat and stood back up straight while the cat jumped back to the ground. "In that case," she told them calmly, "I'm glad my intentional overreaction had the desired effect. Thank you for your time." Both cat and human nodded curtly, then turned to leave. Upon rejoining the other pairs, Scarlett and the cat smiled smugly at their counterparts; the two humans scowled.

"Alright bear," Chris said next, "give us your best _Jo_ impression."

The bear smirked at the jock-ette, then raised its whistle to it mouth and blew hard. The sound made both judges wince and put their hands to their ears, and the bear followed it up by walking forward and making vigorous paw gestures while grunting as though trying to tell the judges to do something.

Chris and Chef shared a disbelieving look. "Well, it definitely seems _bossy_ like you, but I just don't feel like that's enough," the host said hesitantly.

"Ya got that right," Chef added, shaking his head in disappointment.

"Maybe if you'd taught it to kick ol' _Chef_ here in the kiwis I'd be more convinced," Chris suggested with a point of his thumb, causing Chef's eyes to pop open then turn into a harsh glare leveled at the host. "As it stands," both men raised placards that read '7', "I'm afraid it isn't good enough."

Both jock-ette and bear crossed their arms and scowled. "How the heck does _that_ work? Scarlett just _yells_ at you, but the bear doing something just like me isn't _better_?"

Chris shrugged impassively. "What can I say, the cat just seemed a _lot_ like Scarlett." Jo pursed her lips and stormed away, the bear growling angrily before following.

"You better win this, Moose Boy," Jo told Lightning as she and the bear rejoined the larger group.

"Sha-no sweat," the overachiever said confidently.

"With that said," Chris smiled, "Lightning, you're up!"

"Sha-bam!" the jock said in excitement as he sprung into action, leaping over to the judging table. The moose followed behind him, although somewhat grudgingly. "Alright moose, time for the touchdown dance of a lifetime!" He began to bob up and down and a hip hop tune started up in the background music, and surprisingly enough the moose mirrored the movement.

As the beat went faster, Lightning began more complex moves – swinging his arms and legs and knees, shimmying around, even moonwalking back a foot or so. As he danced the moose more-or-less copied his movements, at least to the extent that it was able to. Mostly it just jerked around and leaned with the music, keeping its annoyed expression even as it moonwalked at the same time as its buddy and the two passed one another. It hopped into the air as Lightning began to spin on his back on the ground, and the pair crossed back to the sides they'd originally been on. Lightning got back to his feet and started to dance again, the moose continuing its attempted mimicry. The two began to bang their heads to the beat, but the camera showed their feet drawing closer together. Another head-bang caused them to knock together, and with an angry snort that caused the music to come to a scratching halt the moose headbutted Lightning with enough force to send him flying off-screen.

"Nice bit of showboating, dude," Chris told him with a smile. "Sadly, it looks like you and your animal buddy aren't _quite_ in tune with each other." Chef nodded, and the two men held up their scorecards – both read '8'.

"And with that, the points have been tallied," the host announced as a drumroll began in the background. "The winner of the first challenge is Scarlett!"

The brainiac smiled triumphantly, then picked up her feline partner and held it in front of her by the armpits. "Excellent work," she told it with a smile. It stared at her for a second then growled and raised a paw, unsheathing its claws. "Right," Scarlett aid as she swiftly set it back down, "you dislike being picked up."

The cat began to wash its face again, and the camera cut back to Chris. "Friendly," he commented jokingly before turning to look at the camera. "And _we'll_ be right back," he said with a wink.

(Fade to Commercial and Back)

The scene faded back in to a shot of a dirt road running through some unidentified forest just as a bus pulled up. Its door opened with a hiss, and Chris McLean stepped off. "Here we are gang! Don't you just _loooove_ field trips?"

Following him off the bus were Scarlett and the cat, then Jo who had to pull her bear through by the paw, then the rather irate bull moose as it tried to jam its head through the narrow opening, eventually turning its head to the side as Lightning was heard grunting behind it. The moose was finally shoved out by its partner, and stumbled to the ground. It snorted at the jock as he hopped off as well.

"Your next challenge is to find your way back to the finish line at the film lot," Chris told them as an angled shot of some trees nearby was shown, "a _ten mile hike_ through these woods." The camera panned back to the castmates. "Using only your animal buddies to guide you," the host added and the shot moved over to the cat, moose, and bear as they shrugged in ignorance.

"But be careful," Chris warned, "several vicious and life-threatening traps have been set up along the way."

"Let me guess," Jo deadpanned, "_you_ set them up."

"Yup!" Chris grinned. "Now, since this is the Final _Three_, consider this a sudden-death _elimination_." The three contestants raised their brows in shock. "Haha, yeah. Whichever one of you arrives back at the film lot _last_ gets to take a one-way trip down the Walk of Shame to the Lame-o-sine. Oh, and since Scarlett won the _first_ challenge," he took a compass out of his pocket, "she gets to have _this_," he tossed the small device to the brainiac, who caught it with an eager smile. "It's up to her to figure out which direction the film lot's in, though, so it's still anybody's game."

The camera began to slowly pan across a close-up of the contestants faces, all three looking dead serious. "In other words, you'd better hope your animal buddy can help you get home. There's a _million bucks_ riding on it." The pan stopped on the host, who broke out into a grin. "But no worries!" The shot pulled back out as Chris walked back towards the bus, then paused and turned back around. "Oh, and one more thing: don't bother following the roads. I _specifically_ chose this place so that taking the roads would be slower than just cutting through the woods. Other than that, I'll see you all back at the film lot," he told them as he took a step onto the bus, "and _good luck_." He chuckled as he boarded the bus, and moments later the door slid shut and it sped off in a cloud of dust.

The three campers lingered in the area for a moment, then slowly split up in different directions. Lightning and the moose ran left, Jo and the bear went right, and Scarlett and the cat stood still the longest. The brainiac rubbed her chin thoughtfully, looked from her compass to the sky, and smiled. "I _may_ have an idea," she told her companion, who stretched its body and yawned then looked up at her with enough disinterest to make her frown.

xxx

"Once again, my choice of animal companion may make things _difficult_," Scarlett told the confessional camera.

xxx

Jo was shown wandering through the woods, her head moving from side to side; the bear was following not far behind her on all fours. "Now how the heck did I do this _last_ season?" the jock-ette muttered to herself as she came to a stop and scratched her head. "And more importantly, how do I do it so I don't get kicked off _this_ time?"

The bear was shown sniffing the air, then grunted at her and stood up on its hind legs. Poking her with its paw, the bear pointed off-screen once it had Jo's attention. "What, you have an idea big guy?" The bear did not answer, instead dropping to all fours and walking off in the direction it had indicated. Jo shrugged. "Ehh, might as well just go with _his_ instinct for now."

/

"Alright moose," the uber-jock told his animal buddy with a confident grin as they stopped by a tree, "time to give Lightning a ride!" The moose, which had been casually browsing on a tree branch, gave him a confused look then bellowed in surprise when the Lightning jumped on his back. The background music spiked dramatically as it bucked the boy off, then turned around to snort angrily at the athlete who had landed on his butt.

"Sha-whoa!" Lightning said, raising his hands defensively. "Lightning sha-gets it! No more tryin' to _ride_ you!" He rubbed his lower back, then added "Lightning just thought it would be _fun_ is all. But he guesses he wouldn't wanna carry _you_ either." The bull moose nodded with what almost looked like a smile, then helped him up by the sleeve with his teeth. Lightning smiled.

xxx

"Y'know, Lightning thinks he might finally be gettin' a sha-_hang_ of that moose!" the jock told the confessional camera.

xxx

"No," Scarlett said in annoyance, "we need to head _this_ way." She pointed behind her, but the camera panned down to show the cat looking at her with disagreement on every feline feature. "I already cross-referenced the compass with the bus route that took us here, I know which direction we need to go in!"

The cat shook its head, and Scarlett's face fell. "I'm headed this way regardless," she told it as she started walking off the way she'd been pointing. "If you value our bond at all, you'll-" as she finished her sentence, the camera moved to show her stepping on a string hidden behind a small shrub. It snapped, and a rock was launched out of a nearby bush by what looked like a small catapult. It hit Scarlett in the stomach, causing her to keel over – and a USB flash drive to fall out of her pocket.

/

The scene flashed back to Jo and the bear she was following. It paused to sniff the air, then ran off-screen; Jo quickly ran after it. Quick-panning over to the right, the camera landed on a patch of berry bushes as the bear came up to them, then sat down and started eating.

"Seriously?!" the jock-ette asked in disbelief as she caught up. "Did you only bring us here because you were _hungry_?! We don't have _time_ to eat!"

The bear looked back at her and grunted, its mouth covered in dark blue berry juice. It began to eat again, and Jo palmed her face.

xxx

"Just my luck to get stuck with the _big eater_," Jo complained. She sighed, then palmed her face again. "But if there's one thing I've learned this season, it's to let other people do what they gotta do. Sometimes you gotta trust a bear, even _if_ its ideas seem terrible."

xxx

"Okay, look," she told the bear, "we'll stop to eat, but I expect you to move quickly after that. I'm...," she sighed, "I'm _counting_ on you to help me get back to camp first, okay?" The bear looked at her and nodded happily, then once again resumed its meal. Jo paused a moment, then plucked a berry off the bush and tossed it into her mouth.

/

The background music picked up its pace as Lightning and the moose were shown running through the woods side-by-side. "Sha-bam!" the jock cried as he and his partner jumped over a fallen log. "Sha-boom!" he continued as he slid under a low-hanging branch while the moose just barged right through. "Sha-pow!" he finished, rolling forward out of his slide and breaking another tripwire. Both he and his partner noticed the rope zipping off into the trees, but only gave each other a confused shrug as they continued to run along.

Then a rather large log came swinging down ahead of them. Lightning's eyes popped open and he quickly skidded to a stop, but the moose kept running – and rammed head-long into the log, sending it flying long enough for animal and human to run past it. "Sha-dang, nice job dude!" Lightning told the moose. "Looks like its gonna take more than a couple deathtraps to stop _this_ team!"

The moose snorted in agreement.

/

The scene flashed to a close-up of the flash drive lying on the ground, the camera pulling back to show the cat pawing at it curiously. "This _isn't_ a toy," Scarlett told it sharply as she bent down to pick her drive back up. "It's a gift from my family, one which I haven't had time to _view_ yet." The cat gave her a questioning look, and the brainiac rolled her eyes. "If you want to know what I think is on it, it's most likely something that _won't_ be useful in the game," she grumbled as the camera zoomed in on the drive. "Probably their _well-wishes_ or something like that, along with a vague request to 'be good'."

She pursed her lips, then pocketed the flash drive.

"That aside, perhaps I'm willing to follow your directions after all," she added as she and the cat began to walk off again, rubbing her stomach and wincing slightly.

/

Jo wiped the berry juice off her mouth, then smiled. "Y'know," she told her companion who also had a juice-stained mouth, "that wasn't half bad. Maybe eating something was a good idea after all. You up for some running?" The camera cut to a close-up of the bear as it nodded and got up on all fours.

"Good," the jock-ette smiled. "Now as long as we don't run into any of those _traps_ we should be able to make some good time."

The bear nodded and grunted in agreement as the two started running side-by-side.

/

"Oh yeah," Lightning said between breaths as he and his partner continued their run, "Lightning can already taste the sweetness of victory!" The jumped over another log. "He's gonna reach that finish line first, then he's gonna kick Jo's sha-butt in the finale, then his Pops is gonna be _so_ proud!" The camera zoomed in on his grinning face, and he wiped a single tear out of the corner of his eyes.

"What about you?" he asked his partner. "Who _you_ tryin' to win for?" The moose shrugged half-heartedly. "Oh right, you're just here for the challenge, aren't you?" The moose nodded. "That's cool. Lightning admits he doesn't like havin' to work with others since he usually ends up doin' everything himself anyway, but you're alright." As the two ran, the camera zoomed out to show them rapidly approaching a large patch of ground with a suspiciously large number of sticks and branches on it. "We still gotta _win_ though."

As soon as their six legs hit the odd patch of ground, the branches snapped and both moose and jock fell with a holler and bellow into the pit that had been hidden. Their landing kicked up a large cloud of dust, and the camera cut to the bottom to show Lightning lying in a corner with the moose stuck awkwardly above him with its antlers wedged into the ground just above the uber-jock. "Aww, man!" Lightning groaned.

/

The scene faded into a close-up of the compass in Scarlett's hand, the needle swinging around to point northwest. "According to this," the brainiac said as the shot zoomed out to show both girl and cat, "we should start heading in _this_ direction." She pointed off to her left.

The cat gave her a blank look, then turned around and walked away. "Can I assume there was another trap over there that you're taking me around?" Scarlett asked dryly while nevertheless following after the cat. "Or that you know some kind of shortcut? Because if I find out I've just been allowing myself to be fruitlessly led around for several hours, I _won't_ be amused."

The cat paused to look back at her for a moment, then sniffed the air. It suddenly bolted off in the rough direction that Scarlett had indicated earlier, and the brainiac's face fell. "How convenient," she muttered before giving chase to her companion.

The scene skipped ahead as the background music picked up its pace, Scarlett still chasing the cat through the woods. It soon jumped up onto a tree branch, forcing the young woman to slow down and shoot the cat an irritated look. "_Now_ what?" she demanded as she walked under the branch it was now grooming itself on.

In an instant, a net seemed to appear in the leaves under her feet and drag her up in a suspended bundle. Scarlett growled in frustration.

/

Another flash took the scene back to a close-up of Jo and the bear as they ran along, then came to a stop. "Huh," the jock-ette said as the camera pulled back to reveal that they'd come upon a river, "would you look at that. You think we can follow it back to the film lot?" She looked at her buddy, but the bear just shrugged.

Jo frowned. "Well this _bites_. Are we even going the right way?" The bear stood on its hind legs and looked around while sniffing the air. It pointed in a direction away from the river, then motioned for Jo to follow. "Okay, but this better not just be more _berries_."

/

"Dude, maybe we should take it _easy_ once we get outta here," Lightning told his partner, the two both still stuck in the pit trap but the jock trying to squeeze out from the moose's antlers. "Or at least look where we're goin' more. Lightning doesn't wanna deal with any more sha-_traps_."

The moose snorted in agreement as Lightning climbed over its head. It waved its legs around in an attempt to get itself unstuck as well, but wasn't able to accomplish much. "Hey, you mind stoppin' that for a moment?" Lightning asked as he began to climb up his animal buddy's back. "That way I can climb up first, then help you get out." The moose snorted irritably, but stopped squirming long enough for the jock to grin and climb up.

The camera cut to the top of the hole as Lightning pulled himself out of it, then flexed his arms and kissed his biceps. "Sha-Lightning does it again!" he boasted. "Now to find some kinda rope," he added as he looked around the area.

xxx

"Although Lightning is a one-man team," the overachiever explained in the confessional, "that's only because his teammates have always been losers. That's how it was _last_ season, and that's how it ended up bein' _this_ season too. That moose might be the first solid teamie Lightning's had in _years_! So yeah, Lightning's glad to help him out of of a hole."

xxx

"Are you just going to sit there _cleaning_ yourself," Scarlett asked her partner, the cat still sitting on the branch she was suspended from, "or are you going to _help_ me?"

The cat paused in washing its face to look at the brainiac, then just as quickly resumed its grooming session. Scarlett scowled. "Is this meant to be some form of punishment for doubting your ability to guide me back to the film lot?" she asked. "Or have you simply forgotten that I was going to help you get _revenge_ on the others for endangering you earlier?" The cat looked at her again, and seemed to scratch its chin in exaggerated thought.

"...I'll stop complaining about your navigation skills, okay?" she finally forced herself to say.

The cat looked at her, then grinned a toothy grin and raised its right paw. Its claws popped out with a sound effect like a sword being unsheathed, and the cat swiped at the rope holding the net-trap to the tree branch. It snapped easily, and Scarlett's eyes widened as she fell to the ground with a grunt.

/

The scene skipped ahead to a shot of the afternoon sun high in the sky, the camera panning down and to the right to show Chris McLean standing alone by the cast trailers. A little ways to the left was a meager finish line flanked by tall red flags.

"For the past several hours," he narrated, "our Final Three have been navigating through a ten mile stretch of woods with the help of their animal buddies in a race to _not_ come in last place. And a few moments ago," a smile formed as the camera cut in for a close-up and triumphant music began to build in the background, "I received word that the _first_ team is about to arrive. May I present to you the first member of our Final Two," he motioned stage right as the camera slowly pulled back, "_Jo_!"

On cue, the jock-ette came running into view with her bear alongside her. They came to a stop in front of the host, and Jo bent down so that her hands were on her knees as she caught her breath. "Did we...did we make it?" she asked, her expression hopeful but hesitant.

"Uh-huh," Chris nodded with a smile. "In fact, you and your bear are the first ones back!"

Jo's face lit up in excitement. "I came in first?" she repeated. "I came in first! I'm going to the Final Two! _Woo-hoo_!" She began to jump up and down and pump her fists in celebration, and the bear did so as well. "Oh yeah, just one more step before I'm a millionairess! And," she turned to her animal companion, "I couldn't have done it without _you_." The bear smiled at her, and the two exchanged an inter-species high five.

xxx

"I'll admit, at the start of the season I wasn't sure how being a team player was gonna pan out for me," Jo told the confessional, her bear buddy in the trailer with her. "But I gotta say, between what I had on the Grips and _this guy_," he gestured at the bear with her thumb, and it smiled, "I can see why people are big into it. I'm doing _way_ better than last time. Heck, I've basically _won_ already!"

xxx

"So," Jo asked the host, both watching the woods along with the bear, "how long do you think it'll be before Lightning comes back and we can _finally_ get rid of that cheater Scarlett?"

Chris shrugged. "Who knows? With all the traps out there, it's probably anybody's game at this point."

"You can't _seriously_ be willing to let Scarlett into the finale after everything she's done?!" Jo said in disbelief.

"What she _might_ have done," the host corrected sternly. "Despite the producer's best efforts, the only footage we have suggests that Beardo and Dawn were eliminated thanks to a _malfunction_ in Samey and B's voting devices." Jo's eyes widened.

xxx

"I _knew_ it was B who cast that vote!" the jock-ette declared. "Well, _kind of_ anyway."

xxx

"And without any actual _evidence_ that Scarlett rigged the votes," Chris continued, "we can't actually disqualify her for it. Plus, she hasn't done anything suspicious since then."

"But...," Jo said in a fluster, "but what about that illegal alliance she made with Chef? Doesn't _that_ count for anything?"

"Seeing how that's already been thoroughly _investigated_," the host explained with a mildly annoyed tone, "no. We know why she did it and what she got out of it, and since it didn't really affect the game neither the producers nor _myself_ care about it anymore."

Jo looked lost for a second, then asked "And Sammy never found anything either?"

"No," Chris said bluntly, "she did not. Bringing her back was a _complete_ waste in that regard. Heck, we haven't even gotten back all the hidden cameras we gave her yet! I _almost_ hate to say it, but if Scarlett _did_ find a way to cheat, then she's done an _amazing_ job covering it up."

Jo crossed her arms and scowled. "Well in that case, Lightning better get here _quick_. I still don't wanna take chances going up against someone who might be the best _cheater_ in reality TV history."

/

The scene flashed to Scarlett following her feline companion as the two ran through the woods, tense and fast-paced music beginning quickly in the background. "I'm starting to recognize some of this terrain!" the brainiac told her animal buddy. "That must mean we're almost there!" In response the cat yowled and sped up, with Scarlett narrowing her eyes and following suit a moment later.

The camera followed them for a few more seconds before cutting to a close-up of the cat as it sniffed the air curiously, then looked back over its shoulder and widened its eyes in panic. Scarlett looked back as well, and the shot quick-panned in the same direction.

"SHA-LIGHTNING!" the uber-jock cried as he and his moose companion jumped onto the trail from a side path. "Sorry girl," the young man exclaimed as he and his partner quickly closed the gap with Scarlett and the cat, "but Lightning and Moose are takin' the lead _all_ the way to the end zone!" With a burst of speed and determination the powerful duo overtook their rivals, Lightning deliberately bumping into Scarlett along the way and the moose looking to do the same to the cat.

Hissing in panic the cat leapt out of the moose's path, latching on to its partner's head for safety. "Sha-bye-bye!" the uber-jock shouted back over his shoulder with a playful wave.

"Oww...oww...," Scarlett said as she tried to pry the frightened and angry stray off her hair and scalp. "_Think_, Scarlett," she muttered to herself, "you need a way to catch up with those buffoons!" She finally succeeded in pulling the cat off her head, and looked up at the arch-backed and spitting beast.

"Time for you to get your revenge, cat," she told it with a smile, causing it to look at her in confusion as she brought it down closer to her. "Hey Lightning!" the brainiac called, still running after her opponent. "Catch!"

A quick-pan ahead showed the jock looking back in confusion with his arms held out as if to catch a football, but the confusion quickly changed to panic when he caught a very angry orange tabby instead. It immediately began to hiss, bite, and scratch at him furiously, and distracted by pain the jock tripped and fell screaming to the ground.

"Yes!" Scarlett exclaimed victoriously as she quickly caught up to Lightning and her cat. "Who's in the lead now?" she taunted, looking straight at her struggling rival until a bellow from ahead caught her attention. She looked forward with a wariness that was quickly replaced by panic as she saw the bull moose charging right at her. She tried to jump to the side, but the moose lowered its head and knocked her over with his antler.

The camera quick-panned back to Lightning as he finally got a secure hold of the cat that was assailing him. "Get offa me, you dang sha-feline!" he said angrily as he launched himself back into a sprint. He tried to toss the cat away but it just bit down on his hand then swung around to attack him again. The overachiever managed to keep running, albeit more slowly, and soon passed Scarlett again.

"No!" the brainiac cried as she too resumed her running pace. Another bellow, this time from behind, caught her attention again and seeing the moose chasing her seemed to give her the boost she needed to keep up with the seasoned athlete.

Another quick-pan forward took the scene back to the finish line where Chris, Jo, and the bear were all waiting.

"C'mon Lightning," Jo muttered, her whole body tense. The fast-paced background music began to peak dramatically as close-ups of the jock-ette, host, and bear were shown as they all anxiously awaited the end of the race. The focus returned briefly to the two other competitors and the animals attacking them, then back to the three at the finish line as the tense score finally concluded with a trumpetous fanfare...that quickly fell flat as the shot pulled back to show Scarlett and Lightning crossing the finish line at the same time.

Lightning finally threw the cat off of him while Scarlett ducked under the moose and allowed it to charge past, then the two competitors looked up and around in confusion.

"Who won?" Scarlett impatiently asked the host.

"Lightning did, obviously!" the uber-jock answered in mild offense.

"Prove it!" the brainia replied irately.

A drumroll began as the shot cut to a close-up of the host clearing his throat. "Well, as far as _I_ could see...," all three contestants were shown looking at him hopefully, "it was a _tie_!"

"What?!" Scarlett cried.

"Sha-ex_cuse_ me?" Lightning echoed.

"Then what do we do about the _elimination_?!" Jo asked angrily.

"Fortunately," Chris told them, "I'm in a good enough mood right now that if any of the footage shows a clear winner, we'll go with that. _But_!" His addition immediately perked the attention of all three. "Until then, you three should get ready to vote on it. Jo has immunity since she came in _first_," the shot cut to Jo as she smirked in proud realization, "and since Scarlett and Lightning are just gonna vote for each other, that means _Jo_ gets to decide who goes to the finale with her."

Jo grinned darkly at Scarlett, who replied with a stony look. "And I know _just_ who I'm gonna pick."

"Maybe so," Chris said, "but I'm still gonna give both of 'em until the award ceremony tonight to convince you otherwise. See you then!" He gave them a wave, then walked away.

"Looks like your days are numbered, sha-cheater!" Lightning told Scarlett as he and Jo stared her down.

The camera focused in on her as her eyes flashed red and she made a murmur of displeasure.

/

The final Gilded Chris Award Ceremony began with all the same fanfare as its predecessors, and once the fireworks ended over the giant golden statue, the scene cut straight to the host himself at his podium. "This is the biggest night yet, cast!" he began as the usual tense music played. "One of you will be joining Jo in the finale, while the _other_ goes home in despair."

The shot cut to the three in the stands. Jo and Lightning had sat down on either side of Scarlett, and were squeezing the irritated brainiac in between themselves so that she could barely lift her voting device.

"And I gotta say Scarlett, things aren't looking good for you!" the host said with a smile. "Since, thanks to Samey's little _outburst_ last episode, Jo and Lightning just don't trust you anymore."

"Get on with it, McLean!" Jo shouted.

"Yeah, we sha-voted already!" Lightning added.

The camera zoomed in on the host's face as a grin formed on it. "Yeah, _about_ that..." A dramatic beat in the music coincided with a shot of all three castmates tensing up. "See, we happened to find one of Samey's hidden cameras near the cast trailers, and it just so _happened_ to catch the end of today's challenge at the right angle to tell us who crossed the finish line first. In other words, the vote is _canceled_!"

Scarlett was briefly shown looking relieved, but tensed up again as the shot cut to a small movie screen being lowered from the top of the amphitheater.

"Let's watch it in super slow-mo, shall we?" Chris said excitedly as he took a remote control out of his breast pocket and pointed it at the screen. The camera zoomed in as a still picture of the finish line just as Lightning, Scarlett, and their respective animal buddies appeared – the camera seemed to be positioned low to the ground and opposite to the shot that had been previously used, as though it were stationed under the girl's trailer.

The footage took over the scene, and began to advance frame by frame. Fortunately, all four bodies were in the shot – Lightning in the foreground with the orange tabby cat attacking his upper body; Scarlett in the background getting chased by the bull moose. Dramatic beats played each time the scene advanced, and the camera zoomed in slightly as well. Although the two competitors seemed to be neck-and-neck the whole way through, the final frame showed a clear winner.

With a hand extended and a lean forward, Scarlett had beaten Lightning by less than an inch.

The footage ended in static, and the scene cut back to a frowning Chris McLean. "And that's that. Sorry Lightning, but you're out."

"Sha-_WHAT_?!" Lightning exclaimed, standing up in anger. Next to him, Jo was also scowling angrily while Scarlett seemed to have doubled over in a low chuckle. "Lightning _demands_ a recount! Or another angle! Or _somethin_'!"

"Yeah!" Jo added, also standing up. "You can't do this! We were about to vote this _scumbag_ off!" She motioned to Scarlett, who started laughing slightly louder.

"Sorry, dudes," Chris told them with a frown, "but there's nothing I can do. Well," he paused for a moment's thought before grinning, "I _could_, but I don't really want to."

"Heeheeheehahahahahaha...," Scarlett laughed, loud enough and hard enough and dark enough to cause a few hairs to come loose from her well-maintained bun. "You heard the man Lightning!" she said, looking up with a wide grin to taunt the uber-jock even as she continued laughing. "Now why don't you go _strike_ somewhere else." Lightning pursed his lips at her in deep annoyance.

/

The scene flashed ahead to Lightning getting escorted to the loser's limo by Chef Hatchet. "Lightning is _not_ gonna let this travesty of justice slide!" he exclaimed as he paused with one foot in his ride out. "You better watch your back, Scarlett, cause sooner or later karma's gonna bite you in the butt. And when it does, it'll sha-taste, sha-smell, and sha-_hurt_ like Lightning!"

He got in the limo and slammed the door shut. It sped off in a cloud of dust, and the shot cut back to the start of the red carpet where the host stood flanked by the two finalists. "Jo! Scarlett!" he announced, putting his arms around their shoulders as the usual high-spirited end-of-episode music began to play. Jo scowled at her rival, while Scarlett grinned darkly. "The Final Two! One of you will become a millionaire! And the other...will not!"

The young women didn't take their gazes off one another even as Chris pushed his way through them to the foreground. "Tune in to our _most_ controversial episode ever, _of_, Total! Drama! _Action_!"

(Fade to Credits)

/

/

/

**[Bonus Clip]**

"Man," the uber-jock sulked as the clip began, "Lightning can't believe he got screwed outta the win _again_. How's he supposed to face his Pops?"

He paused a moment, and gave the camera a questioning look. "Who does Lightning _blame_ for his loss? Well _Scarlett_, sha-obviously. It was her and her _cat_ that caused Lightning to fall behind. Although," he paused again and rubbed his arm with an uncomfortable expression, "Lightning admits that he probably coulda ran faster. But he doesn't know who to blame for _that_."

He stared blankly at the camera, then broke out into laughter. "Yeah, like Lightning's gonna blame _himself_ for losin'. Don't get Lightning wrong, though, he's still gonna train sha-_extra_ hard for his next competition. He may have lost at reality TV, but he is _still_ a champion athlete. Sha-_Lightning_!" He finished his clip with a confident grin, flexing his arms and kissing his biceps.

* * *

**Author's Note - Post Script**

For the record? I've been planning the Jo-Scarlett finale from the start. Mostly because I want to right a 'Scarlett Wins' scenario, but still. Perhaps it wasn't foreshadowed heavily, but I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing in this case. I'm actually pretty happy that nearly every reviewer was expecting Jo-Lightning; I think only Knifez admitted the possibility of Jo-Scarlett at the end. I am sorry for disappointing all the Lightning fans out there who were looking forward to seeing have a chance at winning the million. Hopefully the next two chapters make up for that.

That aside, how did everyone like the changes I made to the challenge? The first part was basically the same, of course, aside from having one less participant and different animals. I had wanted to swap the bear out for something else as well, but unfortunately I was unable to come up with something I liked for Jo. I think each pair worked out, though.

The second part, of course, had to be changed more drastically. With only three people left it wouldn't make sense to have a vote if it could be avoided, so the challenge defaulted to a sudden death to keep up the suspense. Jo won once again, which I apologize for, but it made the most sense here as I didn't want to spoil the surprise of Scarlett being a finalist - and pretty much everyone has been expecting Jo to get to the end for some time now anyway, so why not lead with that? The fake-out vote and the delayed tie resolution were basically just to fill out time while maintaining tension as I really didn't want an extended sequence of either Lightning and Scarlett vying for the lead, or one of the teams trying to disrupt Scarlett's progress. Also, admittedly, to give both hope and doubt to the people who were expecting Lightning to go to the finale.

All in all, I'm hoping this is at the very least a satisfactory lead-up to the finale. I am, as always, eager to hear your thoughts on how the next two episodes will go down.

\- Fangren

* * *

**Appendix: TSA Eliminated Contestants**

Geoff - (Tied for 14th Place)

Bridgette - (Tied for 14th Place)

Shawn - (13th Place)

Alejandro - (12th Place)

Sierra - (11th Place)

Beardo - (10th Place)

Topher - (9th Place)

Sammy - (8th Place; Returned But Ineligible for Victory)

Beth - (7th Place)

Dawn - (6th Place)

B - (5th Place)

DJ - (4th Place)

Amy - (Ineligible for Victory)

Lightning - (3rd Place)


	25. Chapter 25

**Author's Note**

And here we are at long last, the first part to the grand finale of Total Shuffled Action. The second part isn't actually done yet, but its only the final quarter left and although I haven't decided yet exactly how to close out the season, I do have a general idea of what to do. I won't lie, though - I might end up having to push myself tomorrow to get it done so I can start the Celebrity Manhunt Special on time.

This episode, though...I'm quite nervous about posting it. I won't say why, though - I don't want to spoil something I've been looking forward to for so long.

But first, there are reviews to answer...nearly thirty of them in total, to be exact.

**Call Me Ishamael:** Oh, is that right? Well, you aren't the only one who went with Jo vs Lightning at least. I wonder if you'll have guessed what happens next?

**Elizabeth Life Stone:** That's just about right...we're at the second-to-last episode of the main season, and the winner is upon us...

**FOWLKON:** Oh my, is that a bit of salt I taste? Haha, no matter. I'll admit I could have handled the tie differently, but overall I do like the surprise it gave you and others.

**StayOuttaMyShed:** Aha, well your salt is definitely understandable. I know I probably would've been mad that Lightning was booted over Scarlett too had I not been the one writing it - especially with the way the race portion ended last episode. But on the other hand, I do think these next to chapters will help you, and the others who didn't like what happened last episode, to understand what I was thinking with the Scarlett vs Jo finale. I truly hope you enjoy what is to come.

**The Prime Writer:** Oh, you don't need to worry - I'm fairly certain I said Scarlett will fall eventually, and I stand by that. I'm glad you liked last chapter, Scarlett's win aside. You're right in that it definitely has a different feel without the Duncney drama or Owen's sabotage, but that can't really be helped. And yeah, it was fun showing off how far Lightning and Jo had come these past two seasons. That aside...I hope you enjoy the finale.

**Karts of Sugar Rush:** Thanks! To be honest, I would probably have changed the animals even if I hadn't gone to the final three over the final four since I don't want to copy the canon challenge too much. That's also the reason I didn't do the tricked-out den gag: it worked for Beth and her raccoon, but it just wouldn't have been the same with who I had to work with. Also, I'm super happy you liked the final race segment. I wanted it to be intense and dramatic, and it seems like I pulled it off.

**StarHeart Specials:** Ohoho, I hope it meets your expectations!

**Bruno 14:** Thanks! And yeah, I'm pretty sure everyone is rooting for Jo to win at this point. I'm glad you liked seeing Jo and the bear work together, as well as Lightning and the moose. As for who will be joining next season...well, it's only a couple more weeks until you'll find out!

**Ddynamo:** Thank you so much for letting me know about that plagiarizer! I reported the story, at least, as did a few others from the TDWF, but I don't know if anything's happened besides them editing out (most?) of my material. And yeah, having Scarlett get her own ending is a big reason why I wanted her in the finale. Regarding the audition tapes, you're right in that I didn't really have plans to include them. But now that I think about it, they might be an interesting thing to do once the main series has ended. Disappointing to hear that you're gonna discontinue your plans for the OC competition, but I do still look forward to the randomized elimination one.

**acosta perez jose ramiro:** Yeah, the shark was the first one I decided to do away with. I'm glad you liked the cat and moose!

**Ali6132:** Aha, yeah, so did pretty much everyone who's left a review. And you're spot on about the animal comparisons - I didn't exactly have them in mind while writing last chapter, but it seems obvious in hindsight. I'm also glad you liked Scarlett's parting line to Lightning, and I hope you enjoy what else she has to offer in the remainder of this season.

**Glowing Insanity:** You got that right! About nobody really expecting Scarlett as a finalist, at least. As for whether or not it makes less sense than Jo-Lightning...well, I suppose I can't really comment on that. As for how dark these next two chapters are gonna be...well, you'll just have to find that out for yourself, I'm afraid.

**White Weasel:** Wow, it's nice to see such enthusiasm over the Final Two! I hope I don't let you down with the finale. Also, I'm happy you liked how the previous challenge went, from being sudden-death to a vote and back again. Like you said, it really fits with Chris' character.

**Knifez:** Yeah, I figured you'd be the most bummed of all seeing how big a fan of Lightning you are. I am glad you at least liked last chapter otherwise. I...as much as your review did tug at my heartstrings, I'm not gonna say anything about what may or may not happen with Lightning in the future. Sorry. I hope you at least enjoy the next two chapters a little bit.

**turn forever you and me:** Huh, you're probably one of the only people who were hoping for a Scarlett vs Lightning finale then. I'm glad you're really looking forward to the finale, though. As for you guess about next season's cast...well, you put two new guys when there's only gonna be one, but other than that you'll just have to wait until the end of the month to find out if you guessed right!

**RedHornedUnicowz:** Thanks! I'm glad I was able to create that much tension last chapter. As for how the winner is going to be picked...well, I'm afraid you'll just have to wait and see.

**I. M. Poik:** Fair enough, fair enough. I figured Lightning's elimination would be controversial, and I was right. It's always a tricky path with deciding who to eliminate and when, since everyone has character they want to see go far, and others they want to see fall short. I expect I'll run into some of the same problems in TSWT, especially since it's the third season with this cast. Still, I'm glad you're sticking around to review the finale and check out the newbies for next season, and I hope you'll stick around to review TSWT as well.

**Invader Cole:** I'm glad you liked the surprise, even if it did mean a sad end for Lightning like you said. You're right in that this set-up mirrors the canon finale in many ways, but with Jo and Scarlett instead of Duncan and Beth, things may not be as straightforward.

**Guest #1:** Aye, many people were hoping to see Lightning beat out Scarlett. I had to disappoint them, but knowing what's coming I think it'll be worth it. As for your guesses as to next season's newbies, keep in mind that they were randomly selected like the rest of the cast. Aside from ensuring that there was one boy and one girl, I had no influence on who got shuffled into the slots - it was all up to luck.

**BuckJohnson:** Thanks, I'm glad you liked what I did with Jo last chapter, and also in general. Regarding what happened with Topher and the fundraiser, I don't really intend on bringing that up in the future, at least not in the main series - I won't rule out it getting covered by some spin-off one-shot though. I'm also glad that you like DJammy being official, and that you didn't mind season one's final three getting the early boot. I'll try to keep in mind what you said about giving the underdogs more time to shine next season, though, but no promises that it'll be true for all of them that end up participating. You'll have to wait, of course, to find out more about who's in the cats for next season, but I do appreciate hearing your guesses regardless. Other than that, well, I hope you enjoy the finale!

**Zak Saturday:** Hmmm...well, don't forget that Scarlett also picked the flash drive back up again. I don't know if that'll change your prediction though.

**Star Saber21:** Thanks, and I'm happy you liked the animal buddies I picked. Like you said, they were all pretty good matches. And yeah, Sammy's attempt to oust a cheater backfired pretty badly. It's sad, but sometimes these things happen. Jo vs Scarlett has been a finale I've been looking forward to for a long time, and I only hope I was able to properly bring the vision I had for it to life in these next to chapters. I hope you enjoy them.

**OMAC001:** Final showdown indeed... As for what will become of Scarlett's flash drive...only I know for sure.

**Guest #2:** My apologies, but I don't know if you've reviewed in the past since you didn't leave a proper name. And with so many reviews, I'm not certain if any of the regular reviewers are missing. Nevertheless, thank you! As salty and/or disappointed as it has made people, I am glad I was able to catch my readers off-guard with the Final Two. You are right, though, about it being sad and ironic that Sammy's efforts ended up guaranteeing Scarlett a place here. As for which ending will end up being canon...well, I think by the end of it all it will be incredibly obvious. But I don't want to spoil the surprise. Also, I am totally hoping to one day have a TVtropes entry for this series.

And at long last, the reviews have been accounted for. The last bit of bookkeeping that needs to be done is the reminder, for those who may have somehow forgotten, that the finalists are Jo and Scarlett.

Oh, and one last thing...this won't make sense now, but trust me when I say that this chapter is _exactly_ how I intend it to be. Or, well, as exact as I can get it since I only have the patience for so much double-checking. The point is, even if it seems like there's something missing (especially towards the end), just trust me that I intended the chapter to be that way...

\- Fangren

* * *

**Episode 25**

"Last time, on Total Drama Action!" The opening shot of the film lot quickly flashed to the scene of Jo watching intently as her roommate woke up, followed by her conspiring with her fellow jock. "After learning of Scarlett's _potentially_ cheating ways, Jo and Lightning agreed to team _up_ to take her _down_."

"But those little weasels weren't the _only_ animals on set," the host continued over footage of Chef revealing the three caged-up animals, and the three contestants later having their bonds with their chosen partners judged, "as the cast were each paired up with an _animal buddy_ to train in their image."

"While some bonded with their animals," Jo and her bear buddy jumped and cheered in unison, "_others_ butted heads." Lightning's moose buddy was shown literally giving the uber-jock a headbutt that sent him flying.

"In the end, the sudden _death_ almost became a sudden _flop_ when Lightning and Scarlett seemed to tie for last place," Chris explained over clips of the two racing towards the finish line while being attacked by the other's buddy. "The cast prepared for a vote, and with Jo immune it looked like _Scarlett_ was about to go home." The start of the vote was shown, as was Chris dramatically cutting it short. "Lucky her, then, that we found another angle on the race footage that saved her skin!" The brainiac's narrow victory was shown again.

"With _Lightning_ forced to take the Lame-o-sine instead," the jock issued one last warning before his ride sped off, "we were left with our _Final Two_." Jo and Scarlett were shown exchanging dark looks, and the camera pulled back to show the paused footage on a monitor in the control tent.

"Who woulda guessed?" Chris asked with a shrug as the camera pulled back even further to show him seated nearby. "And _who'll_ be taking home our grand prize of one _million_ dollars?" He waved his hands around a bit, then pointed at the camera. "Find out right now," the scene flashed to him standing in front of the cast trailers, "on Total! Drama! _Action_!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be...famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be...famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

The episode opened at night, zooming in to a shot of the cast trailers. The lights were on inside only one of them.

"So," Jo said in a stilted manner just before the camera cut to the trailer's interior, showing the Final Two staring at each other from their beds on opposite walls.

"Quite," Scarlett said, adjusting her glasses with a slightly mocking smile on her face.

Jo frowned. "Don't think I'm gonna go _easy_ on you just because you lucked into the finale with me," she told her opponent.

"I wouldn't _dream_ of it!" the brainiac replied. "I fully expect you to show me the _exact_ same level of competitive competence that you would have afforded to Lightning. Although I doubt that'll be necessary to beat _me_, excepting of course that the final challenge is more intellectual in nature."

The jock-ette pursed her lips. "You're trying to throw me off my _game_, aren't you?" she asked with a suspicious tone. "Trying to make me feel _overconfident_, then end up underestimating you in the final challenge."

"Wow," Scarlett said with the barest hint of sarcasm, "you've _already_ seen right through my ruse. Of course, given how strong of a _competitor_ you are, I suppose that's to be expected."

"Yeah, I'm not gonna fall for it so don't bother," Jo told her. "I know you're too _slippery_ to let my guard down. Like I said, I'm not gonna go easy on you."

The brainiac smirked. "Does that entail staying up all night again with the misguided hope of catching me in the act of some imagined wrongdoing?"

Jo scowled at her, then scoffed. "Like I need to. There's nothing you can do to mess with the competition _now_. No more _voting_, nobody to _manipulate_, just the two of us going head to head until _one_ of us is a million bucks richer."

Scarlett chuckled lowly. "That seems to be the case, doesn't it?" She shrugged, then leaned back in her bed. "One of us will achieve victory soon enough, so why waste time and energy fighting now? Let's just make one last attempt at a full night's sleep."

"...right...," Jo said, slowly and with visible skepticism as she laid back in her own bed and closed her eyes one at a time.

A second later and accompanied by a dramatic twist in the background music, the camera cut to the roof hatch as it swung open and a canister was dropped inside the room. Already spraying some kind of purple gas when it hit the floor, it immediately caught the two girls' attention.

"What the-?1" Scarlett exclaimed, sitting back up with her covers held up and a look of panic on her face.

"Seriously?!" Jo said irately just before the gas sent the young women asleep.

/

The scene faded to black, then faded back in to the two sleeping contestants tied tightly to what looked like a wooden mast set in front of some manner of wood-and-rope riggings. It was Jo who awoke first.

"Huh?" she grunted in confusion as she looked around, her drowsiness rapidly fading away. "The _heck_?! Hey Sleeping Brainy," she gave the girl on her right as much of kick as she could manage, "wake up! We've been _shanghaied_!"

With a dramatic note, the scene rapidly zoomed out. The area the two young women were in was revealed to be, in fact, an old sailing ship with the sails all furled – or at least something that resembled one. Notably, both bow and stern were little more than scaffolding, and the whole thing sat far too high in the water.

Scarlett finally awoke with a vigorous shake of her head, then quickly looked around with a hint of panic in her eyes. "What's going on? Is everything still okay?" she asked, although it seemed more to herself than to Jo.

"What are you talking about?" the jock-ette replied incredulously. "Did you _not_ understand the part about us being tied to a boat, or do I have to explain it to you?"

Scarlett blinked, then shook her head. "Right. My apologies, my mind was...elsewhere, in a manner of speaking." She struggled against her bonds for a moment but to no avail, then said "Am I correct in assuming that our final challenge has begun?"

"It _better_ be," Jo said as she too tried to free herself, "because I'm gonna have a few words for _McLean_ if it's not."

"At any rate," Scarlett said as she began to squirm again, "I suppose our _first_ task is to break these bonds."

"And whoever gets out _first_," the jock-ette added with a grunt, "gets a head start on the _rest_ of the challenge."

xxx

"Had it been anybody else," Jo confessed, "I _might_ have been willing to work together to untie the ropes. But up against Scarlett, I want every advantage I can _get_."

xxx

"The only _truly_ difficult thing about the ropes was the sense of urgency in untying them," Scarlett confidently explained. "Fortunately, Jo didn't seem to be particularly adept with the knots so I had time to figure them out at a reasonable pace."

xxx

The footage cut back to the two girls getting free of the ropes around their bodies at about the same time; more ropes which had presumably bound them to the mast were already lying on the deck.

"Breakfast, anyone?" Chef Hatchet asked as he wheeled a covered meal cart up to them from stern-wards on the ship.

"Let me guess," Jo said gruffly, "_today's_ ridiculous excuse for breakfast is fried _fish heads_." The shot cut to a close-up of the dish cover as Chef raised it and a cloud of steam was released, and Scarlett raised her brow in surprise. "Or maybe _bilge rat_," Jo continued, "to keep with the _theme_."

"Not _quite_," Scarlett said with a small smile, prompting her rival to finally look down at the meal.

A harp played as the camera panned across a close-up of their breakfast: A stack of thick pancakes with butter and syrup. Bacon and eggs. Pineapple. Fruit juice. Muffins. Every last piece looked absolutely delicious.

"Whoa, am I dreaming?" Jo asked in disbelief.

"Fresh fruit to ward off scurvy," Chef explained as the focus moved to him, "hot flapjacks to prevent, uh, lice...or _whatever_, all prepared to my highest personal standards."

xxx

"_Chef_ has _standards_?!" Jo asked the confessional camera in disbelief. "Here I thought the big guy just couldn't cook! Not that I'd ever _tell_ him that," she said with a quick look around the room, "I'd like to eat actual _food_ for once on this show."

xxx

The two young women were shown happily chowing down before they were distracted by a rope being lowered just inches above the food cart. They backed away quickly as Chris McLean slid down from above wearing full pirate regalia – including a blue-and-yellow macaw sitting blank-eyed and at an odd angle on his shoulder.

"Yarr, maties!" he told them in a pirate accent as a jaunty sea shanty began to play in the background. "Me parrot Chris Jr. Jr. _Jr_. and I," he adjusted the apparently fake bird so that it was standing up straight, "want to congratulate ye landlubbers fer makin' it to the Final Two! And as ye can prob'ly tell, today be..." A deep and dark sound was played as the camera zoomed in even closer. "Space Zombies Movie Day!" The riff seemed to fall flat, and both girls stared at him in confusion and disbelief.

"It's _actually_ Pirate Movie day!" he corrected in his normal voice. "And you're on deck for a swashbuckling obstacle course, followed by a treasure hunt through the _entire_ season's challenges." He leaned towards Scarlett before continuing. "And if you wanna claim your million dollar booty, you're gonna have to dig _deep_ and give it all you've got."

xxx

Scarlett began her confessional with a sniff of contempt. "Oh, I'll give it all I've _got_ alright," the brainiac said. "I may not be as physically fit as Jo, but I'll soon prove that my superior intellect is _more_ than enough to compensate."

xxx

"Obstacle course and treasure hunt, eh?" Jo said with a confident grin, punching her own palm. "Sounds like my kinda challenge. I can't get too _cocky_, though. Scarlett will probably have an edge if there's any puzzles or stuff like that, so I'll make sure to get as much of a lead as I can _first_."

xxx

The scene resumed with a close-up of Chris holding out two boxes of cotton swabs, each of which was grabbed by one of the finalists. "Obstacle number one," the host told them as the shot briefly zoomed out to show Jo and Scarlett, then cut over to the rear of the ship as a sasquatch and a bear entered what looked like a pair of restrooms, "swab the _poop deck_."

A few wet farts were heard, and the two contestants cringed in disgust. The shot cut back to the restrooms as a bell rang, signaling each door as it opened and its occupant emerged along with a cloud of noxious fumes. The sasquatch was holding its nose, and the bear paused and lit a match behind it

"Obstacle number two, pun intended," Chris continued with two raised fingers, then pointed at a nearby barrel containing a pair of flags – one gray, the other red. "Grab a flag, shimmy up the greased mast," the shot panned over to the mast in question where Chef was slathering on the grease with a scowl, "and fly your jolly roger." The shot quick-panned up to the greasy crow's nest, then over to a cannon that had an air pump attached. "And finally, a _cannon ball_! The _target_ is the monster-chomped movie set."

The shot cut back to Chris and the finalists, the host raising a pistol high into the air and the castmates with their swabs at the ready. "Ready! Set!" The two girls withdrew a single swab from their boxes. "Aaaannd...GO!" He fired his pistol, and the finalist were off.

A low but tense song beginning in the background, Jo and Scarlett quickly ran into the restrooms – and immediately came back out, gagging and gasping for air. "Aaaagggh, what did the overgrown ape _eat_?!" Jo exclaimed before both contestants went back inside.

"I get it," Chris told Chef as the latter wheeled the meal cart over, "the food's laced with laxatives, right? Nice!" he gave the hulking man a thumbs up.

"Nope!" Chef said bluntly. "Just _goin' out_ in style!"

"Going out?" the host repeated in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"That's the last meal I'm _ever_ gonna serve on this two-bit show!" Chef declared, waving his greasy paintbrush around, and patting it against his apron. "I got me a gig cheffin' on a _swanky_ cruise ship, so you can kiss my behind goodbye!"

"Yeah yeah, and I got the job hosting the Oscars," Chris said mockingly. "Very funny."

In reply, Chef slapped the greasy brush against the host's hat so that it stuck. "Who's laughin'?" he said darkly.

The restrooms were shown again, Jo coming back out for air while Scarlett was only heard coughing heavily and exclaiming "This can't _possibly_ have been caused by one bear!"

"You'd be surprised!" Jo called out with a grin before turning her head back in the direction of the host. "Hey McLean, I need more swabs!" Another box was tossed her way, and once she'd caught them she retreated back into her restroom.

"If _our_ contestants think they have it rough," Chris said as the camera cut back to him and Chef, "the people on Chef's _fancy_ cruise ship will have to suffer through his slop with _no_ chance of winning a million!" He got a bit closer to his partner's face, and Chef loomed in the rest of the way.

"I don't think you wanna keep _goin' there_," he told the host menacingly.

The scene cut back to the restrooms, Scarlett coming out for air this time and with several strands of hair out of order. Unfortunately for her, Jo also came out – but not for air, as was clear by her satisfied face. "Looks like Jo will be the first to finish the deck!" Chris said from off-camera.

Scarlett scowled. "Don't think you've beaten me!" she told her rival.

Jo snorted as she walked over to grab her gray flag. "I wasn't gonna, but I sure have-" She was cut off in shock as the sasquatch suddenly ran past her and Chris, clutching its behind. "...the lead..."

"Looks like bigfoot's not done yet," the host said as the ape-man was shown running back into the restroom, and a few more wet farts uttered forth a second later. The bell rang, the door opened, and the sasquatch walked out in a cloud of gas. "Which means _Jo_ isn't either," Chris added with a grin as he handed Jo another box of cotton swabs.

The jock-ette took them with a grimace, then ran back over to the restrooms. Just as she was about to re-enter, Scarlett burst out of the door on the right. "The lead is mine!" she declared with a cackle of laughter, with even more hairs out of place on her head.

"Don't get used to it!" Jo retorted. "I'll get through this before you can even _blink_!"

"Oh _really_?" Scarlett told her with a wide grin. "Because I'm fairly certain I've already blinked _several times_ since I emerged. If I were you, I'd get back to work."

Jo pursed her lips in irritation. "You'd better hope you can climb quickly!" she yelled before barging back into her assigned restroom.

xxx

"That _freaking_ sasquatch!" Jo exclaimed angrily. "Thanks to it's inability to _hold it_, that Know-it-All has the lead! Uggh," she crossed her arms, "now I actually have to hope she sucks as much at _climbing_ as at every _other_ sport."

xxx

The footage cut back to Scarlett running towards the greasy mast with her red flag in hand. She tried to get a jumping start, but she just slid back down. Furrowing her brow, she took a step back and tapped her chin in thought, then snapped her fingers and smirked. She jumped at the pole again, and while the change in her technique wasn't obvious from the camera angle, it did seem to allow her to shimmy up the mast much more easily.

Just as the brainiac disappeared off-camera, Jo ran into the scene. "Aww, darn it!" she yelled upon noticing her rival. She hurried up the mast as well, and seemed to have less trouble climbing than Scarlett initially had. The camera quick-panned further up the mast to show the jock-ette rapidly catching up to the brainiac.

Scarlett looked down and smiled at Jo. "Sorry, but you'll have to wait your _turn_," she said sharply before lashing out with her foot and kicking her rival in the head. Jo slid back down the pole and barely stopped herself from landing, then the shot cut back up to Scarlett's flag.

The music welled up triumphantly, and the camera pulled back to show Scarlett eagerly tying her flag to the top of the mast while sitting on the highest spar. "Yes!" she shouted. "Victory is _mine_! Ahahahaha!"

/

The scene cut back to Chris and Chef. "You can't _bail_," the host said, "we're a _team_!"

"I fly _solo_," Chef retorted. "I'm a maverick."

"Dude," Chris laughed, "without _this_ job, you'd still be selling street meat outside the bus station." Chef growled angrily at him, and walked away.

/

Jo was shown climbing again with a determined expression, her gray flag clenched in her teeth. She was alerted by the sound of laughter approaching her from above, and looked up just in time to see a cackling Scarlett sliding back down the mast. The two girls collided, and Jo fell once again – this time, however, she was unable to stop herself from crashing through the planks of the deck and landing in the water with a splash.

"Like I said," Scarlett called out with a grin, a significant amount of hair now out-of-place, "you should've waited your turn!" Jo resurfaced with a scowl, but by then the brainiac had already moved on.

"You ever fired an air cannon before?" Chef asked as Scarlett came up to him leaning against the railing by the cannon, whistling to himself.

"Not this _specific_ model," the brainiac answered as she absentmindedly tried to tend to her bun, "but I'm familiar with the basics."

"If you're goin' to hit that target," Chef said with a point, the camera cutting to the partially-eaten city set used in the first episode of the season, "it's gonna take a _whooole_ lotta air." The camera cut back to him as he motioned down to the air pump at his feet. Scarlett pursed her lips at it, then shrugged.

/

The scene flashed ahead to Scarlett pumping air as fast as she could. "This is...oddly quiet," she said after a moment, still concentrating on her task. "The lack of verbal abuse is making me suspicious. Is there something I'm missing?" She looked back over her shoulder at Chef, who was sulking behind her.

The hulking man seemed to be taken off-guard by the comment, and hastily yelled "You mind your own business, girl!"

Scarlett wordlessly turned her attention back to the pump, and the shot cut in for a triumphant close-up as the needle on the pump's pressure gauge reached the end. "Finished," Scarlett announced with a satisfied smirk, wiping the sweat from her brow.

"Get in!" Chris told her as he walked up.

The brainiac raised an eyebrow. "We're launching _ourselves_?" she asked.

"Yup," the host nodded, "so you'd better buckle up." Scarlett walked off with a scowl, and Chris turned to Chef. "You gonna fire the cannon or are you just gonna stand there and be _useless_?" he asked in annoyance.

"N-n-now you see that," Chef stuttered, "that attitude is why I'm outta here! I've had it with watching you do your bogus job and get all the glory," Chris uttered a low gasp, "while _I'm_ stuck with all the grunt work!"

"Hosting is _way_ harder than what _you_ do," Chris countered. "I dare you to try it some time!"

"Fine!" Chef said. "Let's go!" he leaned his face towards the host, who answered with the same.

"Fine! Be my guest!" Chris said.

A throat being cleared off-screen got the attention of both. "Excuse me," Scarlett said in annoyance as the camera cut to her sticking out of the cannon with a star-patterned helmet and goggles on her head, "but would _somebody_ launch me already?"

"Okay," the host said, pulling out a remote control and raising a finger to press its button. He paused after a moment, then handed it over to Chef with a smile. Chef pressed the button himself, and the shot cut back to Scarlett as a beep preceded the cannon firing. The brainiac was launched into the air with a shout, and the focus moved back to the two adults.

"Piece of cake!" Chef told the host. "Just like the rest of your job."

"Oh," Chris retorted angrily as fast-paced music began in the background, "you'll see!"

"Hey!" a voice called from off camera.

"I'll see what?" Chef countered. "How _easy_ it is?"

"HEY!" the voice repeated impatiently.

"Have you even ever _read_ a cue card?" Chris asked angrily. The two men began to growl at one another.

"HEY _JERKS_!" the voice shouted.

"WHAT?!" Chris and Chef answered in unison.

The camera cut to Jo standing at the top of the mast, her expression filled with annoyance but her flag tied to the mast above her rival's. "I finished this part!" she told them angrily. "So get ready because I'm coming down!" She turned to climb back down, but slipped on the spar she was standing on and fell back down. "Not again!" she shouted before crashing through the wooden deck with another splash.

"Sorry girl," Chef told her as he and Chris walked over to the second hole she'd made, "but I'm gonna have to leave you in the hands of Mr. _Personality_ over here," he pointed at the host with his thumb, "and get on with my _super_-easy hosting duties."

"I'm totally capable of shooting a girl out of a cannon on my _own_, thank you," Chris shot.

"Guess we'll see," Chef replied before he started to walk away.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Chris asked. "It's about that _time_?" Chef was shown stopping in his tracks and raising his eyebrows. "When people might go to the _fridge_ or change channels and not come _back_?

Chef coughed into his fist, then turned to face the camera. "Who will win the million bucks?" he asked in an extremely stilted fashion. "Who will not? Do not touch that clicker." He pointed at the camera, then crossed his arms. "We will find out, right after this." He paused a moment, then leaned forward and yelled "I SAID GET YOUR HANDS OFF THAT CLICKER!"

(Fade to Commercial and Back)

The episode resumed with a shot of Scarlett flying through the air with the sun behind her, screaming as she finally came to a landing on one of the city set's sidewalks. The shot zoomed out as she landed head-first, bouncing off her helmet and landing safely on her butt; the helmet was flung off in the impact. The camera zoomed in as she groaned and shook her head, her hair now completely free of its usual style – it was surprisingly long, and swept up in spikes on either side.

"Everything seems in order...," she muttered as she patted herself down, the sound of a helicopter slowly rising in the background. "Except for _that_..."

A sudden cloud of dust got her attention, and the shot pulled back to show Chef Hatchet descending upon the scene on a helicopter-carried rope ladder. "I'm coming, keep your shirt on!" he said as he landed and took out a stack of note cards from his back pocket. A party tune began to play as the helicopter left and Chef looked at his cards.

"Sweet landing, _girl_," he read awkwardly, "I'm your _righteous_ new host, uh," he paused to read his lines again then looked at the camera, "Chef!" He paused a little too long, grinning nervously and moving his eyes from the camera to the contestant.

"Can we hurry this along?" Scarlett asked bluntly, making a feeble attempt at tidying her hair while the party music fizzled out.

"Work with me here, kid," Chef told her gruffly. He cleared his throat, then continued with his host attempt. "The rest of today's challenge is a ga_nar_-uh," he faltered and re-read the line, then waved his hand so that Scarlett had to quickly duck, "_gnarly_ treasure hunt!"

"Yes, I already _know_ that," the brainiac said impatiently.

"Oh," Chef said smugly, "and did you _also_ know that if you correctly answer a trivia question, you skip the challenge and move on to the next one?"

"No," Scarlett said bluntly, "but it's a welcome addition."

"Okay, uh, girl," Chef read from his notes, "who got the _space boot_ after the Alien Movie challenge?"

"Geoff and Bridgette," the brainiac answered matter-of-factly.

"Follow-up question," Chef said, interrupting the girl as she was about to leave. "What was the _weirdest_ thing that ever happened to Geoff's cast?"

Scarlett sighed in displeasure. "As I honestly neither _know_ nor particularly _care_, is it correct to assume I'll have to do the challenge?"

"Too bad, then!" Chef read from his cards. "Time to get it on with the alien!"

"Alien?" Scarlett repeated, raising an eyebrow as dramatic music began to build. "_Which_ alien?"

"_That_ alien!" Chef said, pointing behind her. A few chanted notes were followed by a roar as the camera moved behind the young woman to show the giant animatronic monster crouched down and facing her. "And in the spirit of Bridgette and Geoff," Chef told her as the view switched to a close-up of Scarlett's shocked face, "you gotta _mack_ on that space creature! And it's gonna be nice and _slobbery_," he added darkly into a walkie talkie, the scene briefly cutting away to the control tent where a blond male intern waited in the motion capture suit.

A few more chanted notes played as Scarlett's shock faded into a wide and vicious grin. "Actually," she said while slowly reaching behind her back, "since you were so kind as to bring this to me, I have a _different_ idea." Chef was shown raising an eyebrow in confusion before the focus cut back to Scarlett pulling out a complex-looking remote control, the background music rising sharply in intensity. The device was very similar to the object Beth had been shown sleep-twirling several episodes earlier.

"Uh, like what?" Chef asked with a wary glance at her remote.

Scarlett grinned darkly, lowering her head and allowing the rest of her hair to fall out of place. "Like _this_," she answered, her eyes turning red as she pressed the most prominent button on the remote.

The music faded out as the shot cut to a close-up of the animatronic monster's toothy face as its eyes seemed to dull, and its body slumped slightly.

"Uhhh...," Chef said in open-mouth confusion before, all at once, the monster hummed back to life, the intense chanted music resumed, and the animatronic monster slammed its fist into the gawking form of Chef Hatchet. The man dropped his walkie talkie and was sent flying, and Scarlett broke out into roaring, sinister laughter.

/

The scene abruptly flashed back to Jo, dripping wet as she pulled herself back onto the deck of the pirate ship set. She immediately noticed something off-screen, and a touching tune began as the shot cut to Chris crying.

"Uhh, since when do _you_ cry?" the jock-ette asked skeptically as she approached.

Chris sniffed and glared at her, the camera pulling back to show him chopping onions. "I _don't_," he told her. "Stupid Chef's doing _my_ job, so I'm doing _his_ stupid job."

"What, did you get in a _fight_ or something?" Jo asked brusquely.

"None of your beeswax!" Chris yelled. "Scarlett has the _lead_ now and you've got an air cannon to pump. Go!" The camera quick-panned over to the cannon in question.

/

"But...but _how_? _Why_?" Chef asked in fear and confusion as the scene cut back to him sitting on the ground and shaking his head.

Scarlett laughed, then pressed a few buttons and moved a few joysticks on her remote. "Don't tell me you've already forgotten the _deal_ we made?" she asked as the monster lowered its hand and she stepped onto it, and Chef's eyes widened. "I mean, I understand that it was over a _month_ ago," she continued as the monster stood up and stomped towards the fallen man, "but considering you were disciplined for it afterward I'd think you'd have remembered it. After all," she smirked as the monster towered over Chef, then grabbed him as he tried to run, "it isn't every day you agree to allow a contestant some unsupervised time _off-camera_ with an animatronic monster."

She had the monster hold him up level with her, then had him squeezed so that he yelped in pain. "You told me you just wanted to see how it worked and give it some improvements! And besides, it was only for like two hours!"

Scarlett snorted. "Please, you were called away before I even started! I had no reason to honor the time limit you stipulated, and it was _child's play_ to get the handful of _peons_ wandering around to look the other way while I worked."

"So what, you've been workin' on this thing all season?" Chef asked as the monster turned and carried them both away.

"Actually, I believe I only put about five hours total into this," Scarlett said after a moment's thought. "_Directly_, at least, as I built most of the control box on my own time. Fortunately I was able to work out a manual override for the motion capture mechanism early on," she smiled smugly, "but I suppose that _is_ one of the benefits of being a true genius."

/

The scene cut back to Jo, now loaded into the cannon and wearing the same style of helmet and goggles her rival had earlier. "Okay McLean," she told the host, "fire away! I got a lead to regain!"

Chris wiped his eyes with his sleeve. "Darn these salty trade winds..." he said with a quavering voice.

Jo frowned and rolled her eyes as a sad melody began to play. "Let me guess, those _onions_ still bugging you?"

"Chef's leaving the show!" the host cried.

"Yeah, I'm not surprised. Considering all the _crap_ you've put him through I'm surprised he didn't leave sooner. Maybe if you started treating him with actual _respect_ he'd stick around."

Chris wiped a tear away from his eye. "R-r-really?" he asked.

Jo shrugged. "Well, it probably couldn't hurt to give him a bigger _paycheck_, either."

The touching music reached its peak as Chris wiped his eyes on his sleeve again. He smiled, then pressed the button on the remote.

Jo was fired from the cannon with a surprised yell. The camera lingered on Chris as he watched her, sniffing and raising his hand to shield his eyes. "I guess I should go check on the big guy..." he said to himself, his voice still quavering.

/

"So you really _did_ rig those votes?" Chef asked, still in the clutches of Scarlett's monster.

"Correct," the brainiac answered. "It was _laughably_ simple to figure out how the voting devices worked, and once I did I added a way to hack into them to _this_." The shot zoomed in on the remote control in her hand as she motioned to it, then cut back to her close-up. "I was careful to cover my tracks, of course. Determining who would be using each device at each vote _was_ fairly difficult, as was getting the timing right on the graphical cuts within the devices themselves, but it was worth it to ensure that the changed votes were plausible."

"How the heck did you do all that without anybody seein' you?" Chef asked in strained disbelief.

"Simple. I kept the device under my clothes during the votes," she explained, "the controls are easy enough to operate without being seen as anything other than an idle gesture. And when I didn't need it, I generally kept it in my mattress. I'm still not certain how _Beth_ was able to get her hands on it that time, though..."

She adopted a thoughtful look, but it was interrupted by a cannon shot off in the distance. The monster stopped in its tracks, and Scarlett looked over with a smile. "It seems Jo has finally cleared the first part of your little 'challenge'." She chuckled darkly to herself. "Not that it _matters_ anymore since by all standards I've _beaten_ her. Incidentally," she looked over at Chef, "I'd like you to lead me to where the _million dollars_ was to be awarded so I can claim what is rightfully mine."

"The Aftermath studio?" Chef asked. "Why should I take you-" He was cut off when the hand holding him squeezed tighter, cracking several bones by the sound of it.

"Keep in mind," Scarlett told him with narrowed eyes as she moved the monster's hands closer together, "that I will _kill you_ if you don't do as I say."

"You ain't got the _guts_," the military man said defiantly.

Scarlett pursed her lips and pressed a button again, causing the monster's hand to squeeze harder and Chef to holler in pain.

/

The scene flashed back over to Jo as she landed with a bounce on the sidewalk, her helmet already gone. "Oof! Now where the heck am I supposed to go _now_?" she wondered aloud as she stood up and rubbed her lower back.

She looked around the city set, the camera following her vision to see it deserted. "Seriously, shouldn't Chef have been here to give me the next part of the challenge?"

"Good question," Chris said as he suddenly arrived courtesy of the helicopter's rope ladder. "I guess he's not as cut out for the hosting life as he thought." He stepped down to the ground and dusted himself off, then looked up at the helicopter idling just off-camera above him. A garbled voice was heard calling down to him, but he just squinted in confusion. "WHAT?" he yelled up at it. "I CAN"T HEAR YOU!" A muffled growl was heard, and the helicopter flew off.

"Wonder what _that_ was about," Chris said with a shrug.

"Who cares?!" Jo exclaimed. "Just give me the challenge already!"

"Just a minute," the host said impatiently while patting himself down in search of something, "I think I gave all my notes to Chef. I need to-" he stopped when he noticed something on the ground, and the camera cut to a close-up of the walkie talkie that had been dropped there earlier. "Jeez," Chris said as he picked it up, "he dropped this too? He is _so_ not a good host."

He pushed the button on the side "Yo, this is Chris-" he began before he was interrupted by a voice shouting loud enough to cause the host to recoil in shock. His eyes widened, and he quickly held it back up to his ears. "_What_ happened?!" he asked frantically, and was answered in turn by more unintelligible blather. "She _WHAT_?! How could this happen?!" Another unintelligible response. "Chef was _KIDNAPPED_?!" In his shock, he dropped the walkie talkie.

The shot cut to Jo, who was now looking disturbed as well. "What...what's going on, McLean?"

"What's _going_ _on_?!" Chris echoed, throwing his pirate hat down and putting his hands in his hair as he stared at her with wide eyes. "What's _going on_ is that _Scarlett_ somehow _hijacked_ the animatronic alien monster, _kidnapped_ _Chef_, and is now going on a rampage through the film lot!"

Jo gaped. She tried to say something but failed twice, and eventually said "Wow. Didn't think she had it in her."

The host looked at her in disbelief. "Yeah, neither did _anybody_!" he told her scathingly. "But now I have a grade-A _disaster_ on my hands right in the middle of the finale! I have to _do_ something before she completely wrecks my show! Or wrecks _Chef_! _Fortunately_," he added with a deep and bitter breath as he bent down to pick up the walkie talkie, "I already know where she's going."

"So then what the heck am _I_ supposed to do?" Jo asked as the host started to walk away. "'Cause if you haven't noticed, I'm still trying to win a million bucks!"

"Jo, I don't even have _time_ to care about that right now," Chris told her. "Scarlett and her monster are more important."

"Not to me!" Jo countered. "It's not _my_ problem if she decides to wander off in the middle of a challenge. I came here to _win_, and all this means to me is that she's basically handing it to me."

"Yeah, I still don't care right now," Chris told her. "Now I gotta get to safety and figure out how to stop her." He started to leave, but once again Jo interrupted him.

"Well, could you at least declare me the winner _first_?" the jock-ette asked.

Chris grit his teeth and palmed his face. "Look, I'll sort out the stupid challenge when this is all over with, okay?" he told her. "Just, I don't know, stay here until then or something." He finally ran off, leaving Jo to cross her arms and sulk.

/

The scene flashed back to the animatronic monster, its master, and its victim. Once again, tense music started up in the background.

"The Aftermath studio is right _there_, okay!" Chef said with panic in his voice, gesturing slightly with his head. "So don't crush me!"

"Excellent," Scarlett said with an evil smirk as she had the monster stop. "I take it the original plan for the finale was to have the winner receive their prize and accolades as part of the TDA Aftermath Show?"

Chef shut his mouth and averted his gaze in stubborn silence. Scarlett frowned in displeasure, then pressed a button on her remote. The monster squeezed Chef again, causing him to yelp in pain. "Yeah, okay!" he told her. "The producers wanted a cast reunion for the finale, so they decided to end the season on that after show. But I don't know where in the studio they're keepin' the million bucks."

Scarlett grinned. "I doubt finding it will be much of a problem. And more importantly, it seems I won't have to waste time searching for my _other_ prize."

"Other prize?" Chef asked in confusion as he watched Scarlett raise the hand she was standing on. "_What_ other prize?"

The evil genius began a low and dark laugh as she reached the level of the monster's head. She flicked a switch and its mouth opened up, then she reached up and took her glasses off. "Oh, you'll see soon enough," she told Chef as she wiped her lenses with a cloth from her pocket, "you'll _all_ see." With another round of laughter, she folded her glasses and tucked them into her shirt, then stepped into the animatronic monster's mouth.

/

The tense musical score was quickly replaced by something more peppy and electronic as the scene flashed to what looked like another of the film lot's many numbered studios. This one, however, looked much better kept, and it seemed to be located closer to civilization judging by the filled parking lots just visible to one side.

The camera flashed inside to none other than Dakota Milton, former Total Drama contestant and current TDA Aftermath host. "Okay people!" she said as she walked along a hallway addressing a handful of familiar-looking crew members that were walking about, herself followed by a slightly older white woman who was trying to apply make-up to the heiress' face. "This is our big day, so we need to make sure _everything_ is perfect for the finale! The fans are counting on us to bring them a fantastic end to this season!" A few of the workers ignored her, but several others smiled or gave her some other gesture that they'd heard her loud and clear.

Dakota nodded, then paused to allow the make-up artist following her to finish up and scurry off. "Okay then, what's next?" she asked herself as she started to move again. After a few seconds of thought her eyes were caught by something ahead of her, and the camera pulled back to show Sam leaning against the wall playing a video game. "Oh hey Sam," she asked her boyfriend, "how are things going on your end?"

"Hmm?" the gamer grunted absentmindedly as he lifted his gaze from his handheld. His face lit up when he saw his girlfriend. "Oh! Right, uh, most of the others are ready and on-stage," he brought his hand to the back of his neck, "but Amy and Lightning are still pretty mad that they aren't getting interviewed."

Dakota sighed in exasperation. "Do they, like, not _realize_ that this is supposed to be the finale? We're supposed to focus on the _winner_, not the _losers_."

"Yeah, I told them that, but Amy thinks that since everyone _else_ who was eliminated got to speak that she should too," Sam explained. "And at first, Lightning was just saying stuff about how only _winners_ deserved to be interviewed, but then, I don't know, I guess he realized that he wanted to tell his story _too_."

"Uggh, why are they doing this _now_..., Dakota pouted. "Well, they're _certainly_ not getting anything if they don't get their butts ready in time for the show."

"Right," Sam nodded, "I'll go tell them that."

The gamer turned to leave, but his cohost held an arm out to stop him. "Before you go, did you ask everyone who they were supporting?"

"Yeah," Sam said, "and it's pretty much unanimous for Jo. Even Beardo and _Topher_ said they were rooting for her, although it seemed kinda grudging. I think Amy's the only one who's still supporting Scarlett at this point, and I'm pretty sure Staci said she was undecided. Well," the gamer admitted with another awkward rub of the back of his neck, "either _that_ or something about her great-great cousin or something who invented _voting_, it was hard to tell."

"Huh," Dakota said with a thoughtful look. "I guess Jo better _win_ then. It's gonna be hard to get people excited for Scarlett."

"Huhuh, yup," the gamer chuckled. "Well, I guess I'll go talk to Amy and Lightning again. See you in a few!" He waved at his girlfriend, then turned and hustled away.

"See you then, Sam!" Dakota smiled, returning the wave.

/

The scene flashed over to a red helicopter flying through the sky over the film lot. Chris McLean was climbing up a rope ladder that was hanging from it, and soon pulled himself into the lone seat next to the pilot.

"Okay, I need to get a handle on things from a _safe distance_," the host told the pilot. "With Scarlett on the war path, I am _not_ risking my own neck to try saving anyone."

The pilot nodded, and maneuvered the helicopter in an arc off to the left. "Heck, aside from Chef I wouldn't even _care_ that much if this weren't supposed to be the finale. But since it _is_, I have to figure out how to resolve this so that it can still be made into an episode or two." He uttered a sigh of contempt. "Hosting is _such_ a tough job. Chef did _not_ know what he was getting himself into."

The camera briefly cut to outside the helicopter as it continued along, its occupants sitting in silence. Returning to the host's close-up as he frowned, Chris added "I hope the big lug is okay though. I'd _really_ hate to have to replace him."

/

A flash took the scene to the city set, the camera zooming in to show Jo sitting on the stoop of a fake apartment building. She was hunched over with her chin rested on her hands, and was drumming her fingers impatiently.

"Freaking _Scarlett_...," she muttered, "why'd she have to go and ruin my win like this? It's like the least fair thing on the _planet_, and..." She suddenly perked up, shook her head, and slapped herself. "Okay, when did _I_ become someone who whines about things not being _fair_?" She said loudly. "I'm a _doer_, not a _complainer_. And besides," she stood up dramatically, "why should I wait around _here_ when I can at least watch Scarlett get taken _down_ a peg?"

A short but dramatic tune played, and the jock-ette ran off.

/

A soft and quick version of the Aftermath theme played as the scene cut back to the other studio's main stage. A large red-and-gold throne has been added in the space between the guest couches and the hosts' seats, and aside from Sam and Dakota all the former contestants had were present. The back row of the Peanut Gallery was filled by Staci, Sugar, Ezekiel, and Scott – the four who'd been stuck on the sidelines all season – as well as Sierra, the fifth boot. In front of them were Beardo, Topher, Alejandro, Geoff, Bridgette, and Shawn, all of whom had also suffered an elimination in the season's first half.

The remaining seven were all on the Guest Couch. The back row had the guests from the previous Aftermath, Dawn, Beth, and Sammy, and the nice twin in particular seemed to have been seriously injured recently based on her extensive casts. The front row, in turn, held the four most recent losers: Lightning; Amy, who was in even worse shape than her sister; DJ; and B.

The hosts themselves were standing in the front of the stage surveying their peers; behind them in the foreground the audience could just about be seen.

Something thumped ominously in the far distance, but nobody took notice.

"Okay, looks like everyone's in place and looking good!" Dakota announced with a smile, her boyfriend still busying himself with one of his handhelds next to her. She turned to face the audience, then leaned towards the camera and winked. "Pretty soon we'll get that live challenge feed up and running so everyone can watch Jo and Scarlett compete in the most _exciting_ Total Drama Action challenge _yet_!" The audience cheered. "So just sit tight 'til then, and-"

She was interrupted by another thump, this time much louder and from much closer. The ex-contestants in the gallery looked around in confusion while the audience began to murmur, and even Sam looked up from his game. More loud thumps came, and even started to shake the studio a little bit.

Dakota's cellphone started to ring, and she quickly pulled it out. "Sorry folks," she told the audience, "this should only take a moment, okay?" In one fluid motion she turned her back to the crowd and put her phone to her ear, a scowl forming on her face. "How many times have I said not to call me when I'm on the air!" she hissed angrily under her breath. "What do you _mean_ someone's coming?" Dakota asked in disbelief. "The challenge was supposed to take, like, a couple _hours_!"

"Uhh, Dakota?" Sam said nervously as the thumping around them grew louder.

"What do you _mean_ the monster's been hijacked?" the heiress asked, oblivious to the world around her. "_What_ monster?"

"Dakota!" Sam exclaimed, tugging frantically on his girlfriend's arm just as, with a dramatic spike in the music, the animatronic alien monster crashed through the side of the building just beyond the Peanut Gallery. The gamer managed to pull Dakota to the side before a piece of wall fell on her, and the audience began to scream and flee.

"Oh crap," the heiress said in a panic, scrambling to get her cellphone back to her ear. The monster roared and burst an even bigger hole in the side of the studio, and started to step in. Chef was still clutched in the mechanical beast's right hand, and looked to be dazed. "It's Scarlett!" Dakota shouted. "She's taken over that thing!"

"What?!" Bridgette exclaimed from the Peanut Gallery, all of whom were looking at the monster in terror. "Why would she _do_ that?!"

With another crash, the monster finished getting itself into the studio and hunched over facing the hosts. "Quite simple!" the voice of the brainiac came from within, and the cameras present zoomed in on the creature's mouth to reveal the no-longer-bespectacled redhead looking out from behind it fangs. "I wish to claim what should have been _mine_ to begin with! And a few _other_ things, of course."

"The million dollars?" Sam asked, still on the floor with his girlfriend. "I get that it's a lotta money, but don't you think this is taking things too _far_? I mean, you were already in the _finals_!"

Scarlett growled. "And _why_ should I allow this insipid competition to end on terms that aren't my own? _Especially_ since this season shouldn't have happened in the first place! _I_ was the last person to have the case in the post-season-one challenge, so _I_ should have won the million then! But _instead_," she continued to rant as the others were shown with disturbed expressions, "I had to force my way through a _second_ round of humiliation just to get another opportunity! And now that I'm _here_, I want! That! _CASE_!"

"No way!" Lightning shouted, standing up bravely. "You _lost_ back then, and you still haven't won now! You don't _deserve_ the money!"

"Why do you _assume_ I'm giving you all a choice?" Scarlett hissed.

"Pfft, Lightning ain't afraid of you!" the uber-jock boasted. "He's beaten that monster once, he'll do it again!" A triumphant battle anthem began to play as Lightning charged towards the monster, jumping up and grabbing a boom mic as he ran.

Scarlett's eyes narrowed, and the monster was shown standing up slightly and thus widening the hole in the ceiling. The shot cut back to Lightning who was now holding the microphone like a lance, but both jock and the music accompanying him stopped suddenly. Moments later, Chef Hatchet was thrown screaming at Lightning, and the two crashed together into a heap.

"And just in case the _rest_ of you have any ideas about stopping me...," Scarlett added with a menacing look towards the Peanut Gallery. The monster stood up further, and the eleven campers were shown watching with even greater terror.

"Run for it!" Scott shouted as Beardo sounded off an air raid siren, but despite the teens' frantic scramble they weren't able to get far enough away from the deceptively fast tail that was swung at them. The monstrous appendage swiped through human and couch alike, scattering the contestants and leaving them seemingly as out-of-commission as Lightning and Chef.

What few audience members that remained screamed even louder, and those seated on the guest couch joined them. Beth and B were the first to flee backstage, while a crying DJ quickly grabbed Dawn and Sammy – both of whom seemed unable to move – and flung them over his shoulders. "I-I don't _understand_! This isn't what was supposed to happen!" Dawn said in panic as she was taken away with her friends.

The only ones left were Amy, who was too injured to do more than hobble away, and the hosts, who were clinging to each other on the floor. "Now as I was _saying_," Scarlett said from the mouth of the monster, "give me the million dollars!"

"I'll get you anything you want," Amy cried, "just don't hurt me too!" She finally managed to get backstage, and the hosts gasped.

"And now, for my _second_ prize..." Scarlett said menacingly as the monster began to step towards the terrified lovers.

"D-_do_ something, Sam!" Dakota cried as she clung even harder to the gamer.

"I'm _trying_," he told her, "but my darn legs just won't _move_!"

"Now as I _recall_," the brainiac said as the monster leaned towards the two and stretched out its arms, "you happen to have a very _doting_ and obscenely _rich_ father. Isn't that right, Dakota?"

"I-I-" the heiress stammered through rapidly-forming tears as a clawed hand reached closer and closer.

"No!" Sam exclaimed suddenly, standing up with renewed resolve. "I won't let you take her!"

Scarlett laughed, and the monster casually tossed the fat young man aside. He landed on the throne that had been set aside for the season's winner and hit his head, falling unconscious with a grunt and dropping the gaming handheld he'd been playing earlier.

"Sam!" Dakota cried in anguish.

"As I was saying...," Scarlett said with a dark grin as the monster picked up the now-sobbing hostess by the arm. It lifted her in front of its mouth, and the evil genius inside quickly stuck her arm out through the teeth and swiped the cellphone her victim had been carrying. The mouth opened up slightly, and with a grin she made a call. "Hello, Mr. Milton?" she said. "Who I am doesn't really matter. What _does_ matter is that I have your daughter now. And I will _continue_ to have her until you deliver...," she paused to tap her chin mockingly in thought, "let's make it one _billion_ dollars to the set of the Total Drama Aftermath Show within the next two hours. I _trust_ you know the address." She paused to listen, then smiled. "But of course!" she said. "Just one moment."

She quickly pressed a button on her remote control, and the arm holding Dakota moved her closer to Scarlett. The mastermind held the cellphone up, and uttered a single command: "Talk."

"Daddy...," Dakota sobbed weakly, "help me..._please_..."

"I assume you find that satisfactory?" Scarlett asked as she quickly pulled the phone back to her. "Good. I'm feeling generous, so I'll allow you an extra half-hour to think it over and prepare the money. I await your answer."

She ended the call with a click, pocketed the phone, and laughed. "Oh, this day is turning out _quite_ well," she told herself while having her animatronic minion enclose Dakota in its fist. "The only thing _better_ would be-"

"Stop right there, Scarlett!" the voice of Chris McLean came through a megaphone, prompting the villainess to duck back into her monster's mouth. "Drop the girl, and step out of the monster!"

The shot flashed outside to show Chris leaning out of the helicopter that was hovering well above the studio, the monster shown hunkering further into the building down below with its back to the handsome host. "I've already alerted the authorities and they'll be here _any minute_. If you give yourself up before then, though, you _might_ be able to get off with a lighter sentence." There was no obvious reaction or response from the monster, causing Chris to scowl, then motion to the pilot to move the helicopter slightly closer. "Hey, are you _listening_ to me?!" he shouted. "You've pretty much lost, so just give up so the RCMP doesn't have to hurt you!"

"Why on earth would I give up _now_," Scarlett said calmly, "when my _third_ prize has finally presented itself?"

"What?" Chris asked through the megaphone. "I didn't catch that!" The helicopter moved slightly closer, and Scarlett grinned.

In one swift and sudden movement, the animatronic whipped around and threw a large chunk of broken building at the helicopter. Startled, the pilot tried to maneuver out of the way but was unsuccessful – the tail was hit, and the helicopter was sent into a spiraling nosedive.

"We gotta bail!" Chris yelled before he and the pilot grabbed parachutes and jumped. Their chutes deployed without issue, and for a moment it looked like both men were going to float safely to the ground away from the crash helicopter.

And then, accompanied by dramatically rising music, the animatronic monster appeared behind the helpless form of Chris McLean. He looked back over his shoulder and screamed as the alien beast's free hand closed around him.

/

The scene became eerily silent as it flashed to Jo as she ran through the film lot. "Darn it, why am I having so much trouble finding that freaking _monster_?" the jock-ette muttered to herself, looking from side to side as she ran. "I should've just gone with _McLean_..."

She spent a few more seconds searching, then skidded to a halt as she came upon the numbered studios. "What the heck _happened_?" She murmured with wide eyes, the camera rotating behind her to show the animatronic monster standing tall and proud outside the partially-wrecked studio. Its hands still held Dakota and Chris, though both victims seemed to have passed out, and Scarlett herself was just visible inside the creature's mouth. Jo's brow furrowed, and she moved forward in a low but swift sneak from setpiece to setpiece.

The scene focused on the monster as Scarlett had it turn back towards the Aftermath studio and had it bend down slightly. "And what do we have here?" she asked mockingly. "Have you come to protest as well, or do you have an _intelligent_ plan?"

The camera panned over to the hole in the studio as the heavily-bandaged form of Amy slowly rose into view. "Umm, no," she said with a nervousness more fitting of her sister than herself, "I actually came here to give you the million dollars, just like you wanted." She raised up the case with a minor bit of effort, then opened it to show it full of money.

"Excellent!" Scarlett told her with a smirk. "Perhaps you're not as _useless_ as I thought." Amy flinched and momentarily scowled, but seemed to think the better of it. "Now, I want you to toss it over to me so I can collect it at my leisure."

Amy obliged, though her effort was feeble and the closed case ended up tumbling more distance than it was thrown. "Umm, you're not, like, gonna _hurt_ me, right?"

"Yes, so long as you _leave_," Scarlett told her sharply. Amy immediately yelped and ducked back out of sight. A moment later, the evil genius looked down at the case and grinned. "Although it's hardly a drop in the proverbial bucket anymore, it's oddly satisfying to know that this particular million dollars is _finally_ in my grasp."

"Not _yet_ it isn't!" The shout was accompanied by a dramatic flare in the music and a gasp from the brainiac. She looked down and the camera followed, showing Jo dashing out from between the alien monster's legs towards the case. She slid feet-first and grabbed it as she passed, then tucked it under her arms and got back to her feet with a triumphant smirk on her face.

"NO!" Scarlett yelled angrily, shorting out the music as the monster stomped down angrily almost on top of the jock-ette. Jo managed to dodge, but only the first blow – the second was a giant-sized kick right through her path that caught her and sent her flying for several yards.

"You know," the brainiac said with an odd calmness as the monster slowly stomped towards the fallen young woman who was struggling to recover, "I was _hoping_ you'd show up. After all, it is entirely because of _you_ that all this has happened."

Jo coughed, then looked up at Scarlett in confusion. "I've grown tired of explaining this," the brainiac said with a contemptuous look, "but I suppose I must do so once more due to your _ignorance_. Because of _you_, I did not win the initial million-dollar challenge that took place between seasons. Because of _you_, I was forced to humiliate myself in the competition once again in order to earn what was rightfully _mine_ to begin with." Stomp.

"Because of _you_, I had to take several so-called drastic measures to ensure the proper outcome: rigging the eliminations of Beardo and Dawn, taking control of this glorious animatronic creation, and, of course, _crushing_ all those who could stand in my way just a few minutes ago." Stomp.

"What...what are you _talking_ about?" Jo asked as she got back to her feet. Her eyes popped open in realization as she looked at the captive hosts, and she added "Wait, what did you do to the others?"

Scarlett smirked as a cellphone began to ring inside the monster's mouth with her. "You'll find out soon enough. But for now, I have a _call_ to take." She held the phone up to her ear, and said "Hello Mr. Milton, so _great_ to hear from you. I take it you've made your decision?" She paused a moment, and her grin became absolutely devilish. "Excellent. You've made the right choice. I assure you that so long as the promised amount arrives on time, your daughter will make it back to you in one piece."

She flipped the phone shut, then the monster's mouth slowly opened to give the two young women a better view of each other. "In case you didn't hear," Scarlett taunted, "that was Dakota's father agreeing to pay a _billion_-dollar ransom for his precious _daughter_. I'm not one to pass up a good opportunity, you understand." Both her and Jo's eyes darted to the unconscious heiress for a moment. "And in conjunction with the five-hundred million the producers have _already_ agreed to pay for Chris," she had the monster take a thundering step towards Jo and the case on the ground between them, "not to mention this show's _prize money_," another step came between the jock-ette and the million dollars, "I'd say the outcome of our little contest is _obvious_."

Jo grit her teeth, then dashed off between the monster's legs again. Scarlett sighed, then had the monster set Dakota and Chris on the ground. "And yet, it seems I _still_ have to spell things out for you," the brainiac grunted as the monster turned back around.

The scene cut back to the jock-ette as she ran along, having already picked the case of money back up. She slowed when a large shadow passed over her, then stopped entirely when the monster landed in front of her with a titanic crash. Jo growled in frustration and turned to run again, but the monster was too quick – it grabbed her and the million-dollar case before either could get very far.

Dark and dramatic music began to build in the background as Jo was slowly lifted to eye-level with Scarlett, who had opened the mouth a little more. Moving a joystick on her remote control, the captured jock-ette was moved face-to-face with the evil genius.

Scarlett smirked. "I _win_, Jo!" She hammered a finger down on one of the remote's more prominent buttons, causing the hand holding the jock-ette to tighten its grip and the girl inside to holler in pain. Scarlett began to laugh again, starting low but quickly building up into an evil and raucous show of triumph that echoed over the film lot. Both it and Jo's cries of pain continued as the damage was surveyed, one panning shot at a time.

The downed helicopter and the unconscious forms of Dakota Milton and Chris McLean lying on the street.

The trashed Aftermath studio, as seen from the outside.

The wreckage of the Peanut Gallery, the former contestants it had housed only now picking themselves back up with fear on their faces.

Chef and Lightning, who'd also just about regained their senses – though both were shooting apprehensive looks off-screen.

And finally Sam, still unconscious on the winner's throne. His gaming handheld was at his feet, and the camera began to zoom in on it. As it did the sounds of pain and dark triumph faded into the telltale hiss of static, and soon enough text could be made out on the console's otherwise all-black screen. It promptly took over the scene.

[GAME OVER]

[Continue from last Checkpoint?]

[YES] [NO]

The arrow used to select the choice blinked a few times, and the whole scene slowly faded into static.

**[Episode 25 – Scarlett Fever]**

**[END]**


	26. Chapter 26 - Mutiny on the Soundstage

[GAME OVER]

[Continue from last Checkpoint?]

[YES] [NO]

/

/

/

/

**[YES]**

/

/

/

/

* * *

**Episode 26 – Mutiny On the Soundstage**

"Last time, on Total Drama Action..."

xxx

"Huh?" Jo grunted in confusion as she looked around, her drowsiness rapidly fading away. "The _heck_?! Hey Sleeping Brainy," she gave the girl on her right as much of kick as she could manage, "wake up! We've been _shanghaied_!"

xxx

"It's _actually_ Pirate Movie day!" Chris announced cheerfully. "And you're on deck for a swashbuckling obstacle course, followed by a treasure hunt through the _entire_ season's challenges." He leaned towards Scarlett before continuing. "And if you wanna claim your million dollar booty, you're gonna have to dig deep and give it all you've got."

xxx

"Just _goin' out_ in style!" Chef declared bluntly.

"Going out?" the host repeated in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"That's the last meal I'm _ever_ gonna serve on this two-bit show!" Chef declared, waving his greasy paintbrush around, and patting it against his apron.

xxx

Scarlett was shown eagerly tying her flag to the top of the greasy mast while sitting on the highest spar. "Yes!" she shouted. "Victory is _mine_! Ahahahaha!"

xxx

"Hosting is _way_ harder than what _you_ do," Chris countered. "I dare you to try it some time!"

"Fine!" Chef said. "Let's go!" he leaned his face towards the host, who answered with the same.

"Fine! Be my guest!" Chris said.

xxx

"Time to get it on with the alien!" Chef read from his cards.

Scarlett's shock faded into a wide and vicious grin. "Actually," she said while slowly reaching behind her back, "I have a _different_ idea."

"Uhhh...," Chef said in open-mouth confusion before, all at once, the monster hummed back to life, the intense chanted music resumed, and the animatronic alien slammed its fist into the gawking form of Chef Hatchet, sending the man flying.

xxx

"What...what's going on, McLean?" Jo asked, a disturbed look on her face.

"What's _going_ _on_?!" Chris echoed, throwing his pirate hat down and putting his hands in his hair as he stared at her with wide eyes. "What's _going on_ is that _Scarlett_ somehow _hijacked_ the animatronic alien monster, _kidnapped_ _Chef_, and is now going on a rampage through the film lot!"

Jo gaped. She tried to say something but failed twice, and eventually said "Wow. Didn't think she had it in her."

The host looked at her in disbelief. "Yeah, neither did _anybody_!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be...famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be...famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

"But now I have a grade-A _disaster_ on my hands right in the middle of the finale!" The host ranted as the footage resumed. "I have to _do_ something before she completely wrecks my show! Or wrecks _Chef_! _Fortunately_," he added with a deep and bitter breath as he bent down to pick up the walkie talkie, "I already know where she's going."

"So-" Jo began to ask before stopping herself. "Wait, where _is_ she going anyway? She doesn't seem the type to just go on _joyrides_ in the middle of a challenge."

"The interns told me she's heading towards the Aftermath studio," Chris said impatiently. "It's where today's challenge was _supposed_ to end."

"Aftermath...," Jo repeated under her breath before her eyes went wide with realization. "Wait a minute, isn't that where everyone gets interviewed after the show and stuff?"

"Yeah," the host answered shortly, "but I _really_ don't think that's what's on Scarlett's mind right now. She'll probably end up just wrecking the place to get what she _really_ wants."

"Well then, what are we waiting for?" Jo asked the host as a tense piece of music began in the background, similar to what had been used for challenges in the past but with a distinctly different feel to it. "We need to get over there!"

"Yeah, I know!" Chris said before running off. The jock-ette followed after, and easily caught up. "If you wanna come with and try to stop Scarlett, that's fine with me," Chris told her. "Just don't expect to get anything from it."

"Was I supposed to?" Jo asked. "All I really care about right now is stopping that wannabe supervillain from hurting a bunch of people I _actually_ kind of care about a little!"

"Wow, didn't know you cared," Chris told her dryly. "Now hold on, I'm calling our ride." Still running, he held up his walkie talkie to his mouth and said "This is McLean, requesting another pick-up!"

Something unintelligble yet affirmative came from the other side, and Chris stowed the walkie talkie in his shirt pocket. A helicopter could be heard shortly after, and the host looked back over his shoulder. "Get ready to jump!" he told the girl running alongside him.

"Huh?" Jo said in confusion as the helicopter got closer. The wind around them picked up fiercely, and the jock-ette looked back as well – the camera followed suit, and revealed the dangling rope ladder sweeping along behind them.

"_Jump_!" Chris ordered, halting in his tracks and jumping backwards, grabbing the ladder as it passed them by. Jo pursed her lips, then with a burst of speed caught up and grabbed the bottom of the ladder. A few dramatic beats played as the helicopter ascended, Chris and Jo hanging firm below it.

/

The scene flashed over to the animatronic monster as it stomped along with Chef Hatchet firmly grasped in one hand and Scarlett standing openly on the other. "You know," the brainiac said idly, "it's _astounding_ how powerful this marvelous creation can be when its controller isn't holding it back. I can certainly understand how losing control of it forced the previous owners of the lot to abandon the property! Fortunately, I've already _fixed_ that particular malfunction..."

"Great...," Chef said gruffly.

/

Another flash moved the scene outside of the Aftermath studio before cutting to the room backstage where Amy and Lightning were seated on opposite ends of the main couch. Both seemed to be in a foul mood, and the cheerleader was heavily bandaged and in casts. A short knock on the door preceded it swinging open and Sam stepping inside.

"Uhh, hey guys," the gamer opened with an awkward look.

"So is Lightning gonna get his sha-final moment in the spotlight or _what_?" the uber-jock immediately asked.

"Forget that," Amy said, "the fans wanna hear _my_ side of the story."

"Uhh, yeah, about that," Sam told them with a hint of nervousness that he quickly did away with with an exasperated sigh. "Look, I get that you two don't wanna be left out, especially since everyone else that got eliminated before you got a chance to talk. But this is the _finale_, we _have_ to focus on the winner first. Maybe there'll be time later to talk to you two, but right now I can guarantee that you won't get _anything_ if you don't get out on stage in time for the show!"

Amy and Lightning's eyes widened in realization, but narrowed soon after. "_Fine_," the mean twin said grudgingly, "I'll play along for now. But I'd _better_ get interviewed _first_ when there's time."

"Only after sha-_Lightning_ gets his turn!" the overachiever countered. The ex-lovers glared at one another, and Sam sighed again.

/

The focus moved back to the helicopter flying over the film lot, Chris McLean climbing up the hanging rope ladder and into the passenger's seat while Jo merely got as far up as she could.

"Are you gonna let me on or what?" she asked the host and pilot over the roaring wind.

"Sorry," Chris told her, "but it only seats two so you're just gonna have to hang in there for a while!"

"Great," Jo deadpanned. "What's the _plan_ anyway?"

"Watch from a safe distance and call the RCMP," the host answered. "As much as I wanna check on Chef, I'd rather stay _away_ from the giant mechanical monster."

Jo pursed her lips in annoyance. "Yeah, that's not gonna work for me. Look, we're...," she paused and looked to the side as the camera angle shifted to show the animatronic monster walking away from them in the distance, "...pretty _close_, actually, so how 'bout you just drop me off on top of that freak and I'll take care of Scarlett?"

The shot cut to Chris and the helicopter as they looked at each other and shrugged. "Uh, sure, if you really want to," the host told her. "I mean, it's your funeral. I don't see what you can really _do_ to that thing up close though."

"I bet I could do a _lot_ if you'd give me your knife," Jo told him with a knowing smile.

Chris raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Knife? I don't have a _knife_, what are you talking about?"

"Yes you do," Jo told him with a scowl, "you were using it to chop onions earlier!"

"I didn't bring it with me!" Chris replied.

The jock-ette groaned, then reached into one of the pockets of her sweatpants. "Well in that case, I guess it's just you and me," she said as she pulled out a particular wedge-shaped piece of wood – the doorstop she'd received from home several episodes ago.

Chris raised an eyebrow at it skeptically.

/

"Now let me see," Scarlett said, within the monster's mouth and without her glasses, "how should I go about this?" The camera zoomed out to show her and the alien walking up to the Aftermath studio, Chef Hatchet still very much captured. Each step the animatronic behemoth took shook the ground beneath it. "I suppose there's no point in over-thinking it," she said decisively as the monster came to a stop just outside the building. "I _am_ controlling a giant monster after all. Why not go with the _classic_ approach?"

"Whoa there," Chef said nervously as the fist holding him drew back, "you-you'd better not be thinkin' of doin' what I _think_ you are, ya hear?"

"I believe I am," Scarlett answered with a smile, "but _caring_ is another matter entirely."

Several deep and dramatic notes punctuated the monster's hard punch as it smashed through the roof of the studio. Chef was shown looking dazed from the impact, and after a quick follow up punch from the monster's other hand the perspective shifted to the view through the hole that had just been created. The Aftermath hosts and Peanut Gallery could be seen gaping in shock and terror up at the monster, and several screams were heard in the background.

The monster roared, then widened the opening with its legs and lower body and started trying to step inside. "It's Scarlett!" Dakota shouted from the stage. "She's taken over that thing!"

"What?!" Bridgette could be heard exclaiming from just out of view. "Why would she _do_ that?!"

With yet another crash, the monster finished forcing its way into the building. "Quite simple!" Scarlett called out from the alien's mouth. "I wish to claim what should have been _mine_ to begin with! And a few _other_ things, of course." As she spoke, the telltale sounds of a helicopter approaching started to be heard in the background.

"The million dollars?" Sam asked, the shot changing to show him on the floor with his girlfriend. "I get that it's a lotta money, but don't you think this is taking things too _far_? I mean, you were already in the _finals_!"

Scarlett growled, oblivious to the sound of the approaching helicopter. "And _why_ should I allow this insipid competition to end on terms that aren't my own? _Especially_ since this season shouldn't have happened in the first place! _I_ was the last person to have the case in the post-season-one challenge, so _I_ should have won the million then! But _instead_," she continued to rant as the others were shown with disturbed expressions, "I had to force my way through a _second_ round of humiliation just to get another opportunity! And now that I'm _here_, I want! That! _CASE_!"

"Well too bad!" a shout from above came, accompanied first by a short burst of triumphant music and then by a thud from what sounded like the back of the monster's neck.

"What? What was that?" Scarlett said in alarm, ducking slightly more into the safety of the creature's mouth. As the ex-contestants on stage watched nervously, the monster tried to get its free hand behind its back. It even went so far as turning slightly in an effort to improve its chances, but all it succeeded in doing was giving those in the studio a view of Jo clinging to the monster's back with a determined expression on her face.

"Who do you _think_?" the jock-ette grunted, evading the monster's claw and holding out her doorstop. "If you thought I was just gonna let you run around hurting the others and trashing the place," she continued as she began to hammer on the monster's artificial skin with her somewhat sharp wooden wedge, "then you've got another thing comin'!"

Sam and Dakota smiled with a cautious hope, and those on the various couches began to make moves as well – most just shifted around nervously, but a few started to get up.

"Yeah!" Lightning shouted first, standing up dramatically. "Lightning is _not_ gonna let a sha-cheater like you get what you want!"

Scarlett narrowed her eyes in annoyance and pivoted the monster back around to face the others. "Why...why do you assume I'm giving you a _choice_?" she asked, her attention split between glaring at the uber-jock and blindly trying to get Jo off her monster's back.

"Why do _you_ assume we're giving _you_ a choice?" Jo countered as she dodged another wild and awkward claw swipe, then stabbed into the creature's fake skin with her doorstop again.

"Yeah, we beat that monster _once_ we can sha-beat it _again_!" Lightning chimed in, charging forward and jumping up to grab a boom mic, easily snapping it off.

"Speak for yourself, _I'm_ getting out of here!" Amy said as she started to hobble away.

"Same here," Topher added on the other side of the room as he broke out into a much quicker escape. "I am _not_ going to risk getting hurt by that thing."

"Well _I_ _will_," Sierra told her rival, putting her hands on her hips and blowing him a raspberry.

Sugar chimed in with a chuckle. "Well, I ain't ever tangled with a giant monster before," she said, "but what the hay? She don't look _that_ tough."

"No...," Scarlett muttered, her eyes darting from her remote control, to the Peanut Gallery, to Lightning charging forward holding the microphone out like a lance. "NO!" She roared and slammed down on the controls, causing the monster – one arm still behind its back – to throw forward with its other arm, the one that had been holding Chef. Scarlett's target was Lightning, and her human projectile woke up in mid-air and began hollering when he saw himself flying towards the jock.

However, with her attention divided, the brainiac's aim was off and Lightning managed to duck under Chef. "Sha-_bam_!" he exclaimed triumphantly. "You gotta try better than _that_ to knock sha-_Lightning_ outta the game!"

"No!" Scarlett repeated as Lightning dashed forward and stabbed the broken boom mic into the monster's groin. She quickly had the monster bend down and swat the boy away, but was immediately distracted when Sierra started throwing couch cushions up at her and Sugar tackled the monster's right leg and started pounding on it. "Stop that, you _vermin_!" Scarlett growled, bringing the monster around to face the Peanut Gallery.

"No, _you_ stop!" Bridgette shouted up at her former friend as Geoff quickly grabbed her and pulled her away. The evil genius snarled, and started to have the monster turn even more.

"Run for it!" Scott shouted in a panic as the giant tail whipped towards the couches, but only Staci and Ezekiel followed him across the stage. Geoff and Bridgette ducked quickly, as did Beardo and Alejandro, while Shawn dove towards the center of the stage where Chef had landed – and the hosts still crouched, seemingly frozen in fear. At the guest couches across the room, Beth and B fled after a moment's indecision, while DJ and Dawn had taken to Sammy's sides and were frantically escorting the injured cheerleader away from danger.

"Sam, I wanna leave," Dakota told her boyfriend as the two, clinging to each other and with their eyes fixed on the animatronic monster, got back to their feet.

"Yeah, good idea," the gamer said. The couple quickly backed away, and as they did the camera's focus moved to Chef Hatchet.

"Uggh," he groaned, holding his head and shaking it a few times from side to side, "what the _heck_ hit me?" He looked up and saw the alien trying still trying to fight off Lightning and Sugar as well as remove Jo from its back. "Guess I gotta hand it to those kids," he muttered while standing up, "but I am _not_ about to let them take all the glory."

He brushed himself off, then walked closer to the monster. "Hey evil girl!" he shouted angrily, momentarily distracting Scarlett. "How 'bout you come down outta that monster and try to get the jump on me _again_?"

"How about _you_ all just _give up_?" the evil genius retorted, having the monster grab one of the Peanut Gallery's empty couches and throw it at Chef. The hulking man rolled out of the way, growled, and charged the monster.

"Hah!" Jo barked out a laugh while continuing to wedge her doorstop into the back of the monster's neck. "Why quit now and let you just rampage right over us? Besides," she added with a widening grin as she finally managed to tear a sizable hole in the monster's skin, "I've barely even gotten _started_!" With a dramatic flare in the music she slammed her shop class project hard into the animatronic behemoth's exposed machinery, severing a few wires and jamming what looked like a piston of some sort.

It sparked a little, then the camera cut to Scarlett gasping inside the monster's mouth. "What did you do?" she yelled.

"No idea!" came Jo's muffled reply through the alien's head. "I think I'll keep going just to make sure I get something _important_."

Scarlett began to growl, and the scene rapidly zoomed out as she yelled "ENOUGH!" Everyone seemed to freeze where they were – Jo with her doorstop raised and ready to strike again; Lightning hanging off the microphone he'd stabbed into the beast earlier; Sugar and Chef grappling with the monster's legs. Bridgette, Geoff, Shawn, Beardo, and Alejandro were hanging around cautiously near the back wall, and Sierra was a few feet in front of them.

"I have _had it_ with all of you!" Scarlett continued, slamming a finger down on her remote. The monster jolted upright suddenly, then with a mechanical whir it slammed backwards in the remains of the side wall. Jo was caught in between and grunted in pain, then the monster stepped back forward and spun its tail around, forcing the others to back off more. "Why won't you _peons_ just accept the inevitable?!"

"Wha-what do you mean _inevitable_?" Jo asked, quickly recovering from the blow and still clinging on to the back of the monster's neck. "The only thing that's _inevitable_ is you getting your butt kicked the moment someone pries you outta there!" She punched into the hole she'd made, and seemed briefly startled when she got her arm in all the way up to her shoulder. She smiled, then said "Which might be _now_, actually!"

"What?!" Scarlett asked in confusion as the camera cut inside the mouth. Her eyes promptly widened, and she was suddenly yanked backward. The shot moved back to Jo as she pulled her rival's left leg out through the hole in the back of the leg, causing some thing small to fall away – the camera briefly cut to a close-up of it, revealing it to be the flash drive the brainiac had received several days ago.

Scarlett was shown clenching her teeth in frustration and gripping down tighter on the monster's artificial tongue. Cutting back to Jo, the jock-ette was quickly surprised when the leg she'd grabbed started thrashing wildly; she soon lost lost her grip on it, and not long after that got kicked straight in the chin. She finally fell off the monster, and Scarlett began to laugh triumphantly.

"See?!" she said. "You can't _stop me_, you can't even come _close_!" The others took pause again, and the shot cut to Jo lying on the ground.

She sat up and rubbed the back of her head with a pained groan, then noticed something on the ground enxt to her. "Hey, isn't this that doo-dad you got from your parents?" she asked aloud, picking up the flash drive and looking it over.

Scarlett gasped and turned the monster around, its tail just missing the others. "Give that back right now!"

Jo flashed an impish smile. "Well since you want it so badly, _no_!" She scrambled to her feet and rolled away from the monster's claws, then circled back around to the other side of the monster.

"Ooh! Ooh!" Sierra said suddenly, jumping up and down in excitement. "Give it to me, I bet there's something incriminating on it!"

"Fine with me!" the jock-ette shrugged, changing directions towards the super-fan. "The rest of you keep her busy!" The camera panned to Lightning, Chef, and Sugar, who had started working together to hold down the monster's right leg.

"NO!" Scarlett shouted, furiously flicking a joystick. The right leg tried to move but was stopped by the three holding it, and Jo was shown passing off the flash drive to Sierra. The tall girl's eyes immediately darted to the side, the camera quick-panning to a close-up of the two consoles on the table in front of the hosts' couch. It quick-panned back to Scarlett who grit her teeth in frustration, then had the monster reach down for the second Peanut Gallery couch.

"Quick, we have to stop her!" Bridgette shouted, quickly grabbing on to the other end of the couch. She was soon joined by Geoff, Shawn, Beardo, and even Alejandro, and together the five were able to stop the monster from picking up the piece of furniture. Scarlett clenched her teeth in frustration as she struggled to pilot the monster in the tug-of-war, then looked over at Sierra just as she inserted the pilfered memory stick into one of the host consoles.

The shot zoomed out as the hanging screen on the back wall lit up with the image of a computer desktop, a folder immediately opening up. "Huh, there's only one file in here," Sierra said as the camera zoomed in to show a nondescript film reel icon labeled 'Untitled' in the top left corner of the folder. A mouse pointer moved over it.

"Don't you _dare_ click on that!" Scarlett shouted with a hint of nervousness, the monster finally letting go of the couch.

Sierra clicked on it. Another window opened up, and the footage switched to letterbox format as the screen was overtaken by the video that began to play.

xxx

The scene opened on a faded green couch in an ordinary-looking room; the walls were painted a cream color, and there was a small painting of a tree hanging off to the left. There were three people already on-camera, all white-skinned.

In the center was a middle-aged woman, who had started the video leaned in towards the camera before leaning out, backing up, and taking a seat in the middle of the couch. She had brown hair cut just above her shoulders, large glasses with round lenses, and a forest green sweater with khaki pants. "Hello sweetie," she told the camera with a soft smile. Her voice had a quality similar to Scarlett's, but was much less sharp. "I hope you get this okay. We wanted to give you words of encouragement as you head into the Final Five. Isn't that right, dear?" she looked at the man on her right, sitting just under the tree painting.

He too was middle-aged, and balding to boot. He had a thick brown mustache and glasses similar to his wife's, and was wearing a plain white dress shirt and black pants. "Yes-sirree," he said with a short nod, "your mother and I wanted to let our little Starry Scarlie know how _proud_ of her we are for making it so far in the competition, and twice to boot!"

On the other end of the couch, the third person twitched. He was a preteen boy in a heavy black sweatshirt with the hood up; there were deep bags under his eyes and a nervous grimace on his face. He said nothing.

"We're _rooting_ for you, Scarlett," the woman said. "With your gifts, we know you can succeed at _anything_ you put your mind too. Just..," she seemed to falter for a moment, and looked at her husband.

The man sighed, and continued. "Just...be good, okay? I know you're probably feeling _frustrated_ by some of the people around you, but just remember that they have as much right to be there as you do. So don't, y'know," he shot his son a quick glance, "_do_ anything to them, okay?"

"I know you told us to stop bringing that up," the woman said quickly with a faint blush, "but it's just that we _worry_ about you, Scarlett. What with all the _plotting_ and _scheming_ you've been doing lately, we don't want you to go overboard again and cause another...," she looked around nervously as though she were afraid of being watched, then put a hand to her mouth and leaned forward to whisper "_incident_."

"Like when you came second in the science fair and let your invention loose and it destroyed the school's auditorium," the man said.

"Or when your favorite television show was canceled and you hijacked all the local stations and demanded it be brought back," the woman added.

"Or that time at the _mechanic's_," the husband added.

"Or literally everything _else_ you've ever done," the boy blurted out, immediately slapping his hands over his mouth with wide eyes filled with terror and regret.

"_Jason_!" the mother scolded before turning to face the camera again. "But seriously, Scarlett, don't cause any trouble. Just...go out there and win Total Drama the _right_ way. For your family." She looked at her husband and slipped an arm around his waist.

He put his arm around her shoulders and gave her a quick smile. "And try to have some fun while you're at it, won'tcha?" he told the camera. "Even if you don't end up winning, you can still have a good time in the competition. And maybe even make some friends!"

"That would be wonderful!" his wife said happily. "Oh, but we won't be mad if you don't. We just want you to win the million dollars, and to have fun doing it."

"And to be good," her husband chimed in.

"We're rooting for you honey, so good luck! We love you!" the woman said with a cheery wave that was joined by the man but not the boy.

The video ended there.

xxx

The camera cut to a silent shot of the whole stage, everyone's eyes fixed up on the screen as it faded to black.

The focus moved to Jo as a grin formed on her face. "'_Starry Scarlie_'?" she repeated with barely-contained mirth.

"So _that_ is Scarlett's family," Alejandro said with a grin of his own. "Interesting..."

"That...they...," Scarlett stuttered in the shade of the monster's mouth, face completely flushed. "Why must they be so infuriatingly _embarrassing_?!"

"I don't know, they seemed pretty normal to me," Geoff said uncertainly.

"And it's _always_ the same with them," Scarlett ranted. "'Oh, we want you to _succeed_'," she said in a mockery of her father's voice, "'but only if it's on these certain _conditions_. Never mind what would actually be an efficient use of your time, just do as we say'. It's _absurd_! Why should I have to always play _nice_ with those around me? Why should I care about the vermin I _crush_ along the path to victory? Why can't I just act in the manner that comes naturally and logically to me? Why can't they just _accept me_ for who I _am_?"

"Because who you _are_ is a sha-menace to _society_," the voice of Lightning came from just outside the mouth, snapping Scarlett out of her rant. The shot cut outside to reveal that the uber-jock had climbed up the monster's belly and was now hanging from its jaw with his feet planted on its chest. "Now why don't you _open up_ for Lightning?" With a grunt of effort he pulled, and the jaw slowly started to creak open.

"Close the mouth, close the mouth!" Scarlett muttered in rising panic as she frantically pressed one of the buttons on her remote. Nothing happened, and Lightning continued to slowly force the jaw open. "Blast! The head's circuitry must be malfunctioning!" the brainiac exclaimed in frustration just before the camera cut to the hole Jo had made in the back of the neck. It focused in on the area Jo had struck with her doorstop, the uncovered machinery smoking slightly and emitting sparks.

"Sha-bam! Just like Lightning _told_ you," the overachiever said as he forced the jaw open another inch causing the brainiac inside to start sliding forward, "it's time for karma to _bite_ you," he pushed off with his legs and pulled himself up on the jaw, the added weight forcing it open even further as he reached an arm in and grabbed Scarlett by the collar, "in the sha-_boo-tay_!"

"No! _No_!" Scarlett yelled as she was forcibly dragged out of the safety of the animatronic monster's mouth and thrown down to the stage. She landed with a grunt and a slight bounce, but quickly scrambled back to her feet with her remote control in her hands.

Lightning dropped down to the floor next to Sugar and Chef, who'd still been holding on to the monster's leg, and all three turned to face the brainiac. "Do you seriously think you've beaten me?!" she asked angrily as she slowly backed away. "Just because the jaw is malfunctioning doesn't mean the _rest_ is!" With a vicious grin, she demonstrated this with a few deft button presses and joystick flicks; the three who had been approaching her menacingly looked behind them and gasped as the monster swatted all three to the side. "Ahahahaha!" Scarlett laughed.

Her nervous reverie was interrupted by two things. The first was the telltale sound of a helicopter arriving outside the studio, which was soon followed by the voice of Chris McLean shouting through a megaphone. "Attention Scarlettt!" he called. "Give yourself up! I've alerted the authorities, and they'll be here _any minute_! If you give yourself up before then, though, you _might_ be able to get off with a lighter sentence."

"NEVER!" the brainiac yelled out a retort, distracting her from the second thing to interrupt her: Jo.

With a determined expression, the jock-ette leaped off the host's table, bounded across the stage, and tackled Scarlett from the side. She immediately tried to grab the remote control and the two girls started to wrestle for it, and all the jostling caused the monster to move and jerk around erratically, causing those around it to scatter. But Jo soon gained the upper hand. With Scarlett on her back pulling on the remote with both hands, the jock-ette kneeling over her took one hand off the device, formed it into a fist, and punched the fallen genius in the eye.

It was enough to cause Scarlett to let go of the remote entirely, and with a triumphant flare in the background music Jo rolled away with it in her hands and stood up. "Time to _end_ this rampage!" she declared, slamming the control down and stomping it to bits. The shot cut to the animatronic monster as it froze in place, balanced on one foot and with its arms crossed over its belly.

"Blast!" Scarlett muttered as she got back on her feet once more and started to scramble towards the backstage entrance. "Don't think this is the end!" she told Jo before turning her head back to the path ahead.

She immediately skidded to a stop upon seeing her path of escape blocked by Dawn. "Oh, this is the end alright," the mystic said calmly. "Your actions this season have finally caught up to you."

Scarlett quickly turned around and ran the other way, but only got a couple steps before she ran straight into Beardo. The hairy boy made the sound of a gong ringing as the brainiac bounced off his belly, startling the girl. "Gah!" Scarlett cried, now turning down-stage towards where the audience had been seated. She didn't get far before Jo tackled her again.

"Just give up already!" the jock-ette told her squirming rival. "You _lost_!" Scarlett merely glared at Jo and struggled harder, but wasn't able to brake herself free. "Hey, anybody wanna give me something to tie her up with?" Jo asked the others without taking her eyes off Scarlett.

"Ooh! You should hogtie her with her own _hair_!" Sugar suggested excitedly.

"Ehh, I was thinking more like _rope_," Jo told her with an amused expression, but I guess that could work too."

The camera cut away to close-ups of the others left on stage as they reacted to the scuffle that ensued off-screen. Bridgette and Geoff looked uncomfortable, as did Shawn; Dawn and Sierra's faces were largely blank; Alejandro was smiling; Sugar was smiling even more; Beardo and Lightning and Chef just watched with stern approval. The shot cut back, and Jo was standing proudly with a single foot pinning Scarlett to the ground, who had been successfully tied up by her own lengthy hair. She shot her captor a nasty glare, then finally flopped down in defeat.

The others cheered, and immediately rushed forward to surround Jo and pick her up in celebration. Those members of the cast who had fled earlier began to cautiously return to the stage and join in the celebration, starting with DJ and Sammy. Dakota and Sam were next; then B and Beth; Topher; Staci; Ezekiel; Scott; and lastly Amy.

Chef Hatchet was the only one who didn't join in the celebration, instead deciding to linger a few feet away with a proud smile on his face. As such, he was the only one to notice Chris McLean cautiously poking his head in through the gaping hole in the side of the studio. The two men locked eyes but quickly broke away; still, Chris walked into the building and looked around the wreckage with a frown.

"Wow, looks like this place has seen better days," he said idly. "Still, I guess Scarlett's been taken down."

"Yup," Chef said tersely.

"Some bunch of kids we got, huh?" Chris added with a nervous chuckle. "Never woulda guessed they could _do_ something like this. Just goes to show how much we've put 'em through if they were able to stand up to a _real_ giant monster attack like that."

"Guess so," Chef replied, his tone still gruff.

"And, y'know, I really couldn't have done it all without you," Chris said as a touching tune began to play in the background. "The way you torture those kids, you're a _natural_! Knockin' 'em down, bruisin' 'em up, killin' their spirits! And then just as easily you turn around and help 'em beat up an animatronic monster. I gotta say, _nobody_ does that like you do."

Chef raised an eyebrow and finally turned to look at the host, hope filling his expression. "You really mean that?"

The handsome man sighed and scratched the back of his head. "Look, Chef, if you really wanna leave the show, it's cool. I understand. You've been through a lot these past two seasons, and I guess I should've realized that sooner. But once I heard you'd been kidnapped, I just...I couldn't think of anything but how much the show – how much _I_ would be losing if you left. But...I'm not gonna stop you if that's what you really wanna do. Good luck."

Chef was silent for a moment. "...Nah, I couldn't leave you all _alone_ like that," he finally said, donning a playful smile. "You'd be terrible on your own! You're not _that_ good."

"So...you'll stay?" Chris asked.

"After I get a raise!" Chef answered. "And a vacation."

"Deal!" the host said, and the two men shook on it. "Now let's wrap up this season."

"All right," Chef replied with a smirk as the two walked towards the mob of contestants. A low-key tune usually used for challenges began to play as the host cleared his throat, and the noise of crowd died down as their attention turned to Chris.

"Jo! Congratulations on _defeating_ Scarlett!" he began with arms wide. "Without you, this place probably would have been nothing but a pile of rubble!" The shot zoomed out as a camera fell over to the right near the destroyed wall. "A _bigger_ pile of rubble! Anyway, on behalf of the producers I'd like to thank you for saving the show, and more importantly, for doing so in a way that'll make for an _awesome_ finale."

The camera focused in on the jock-ette, who was being carried by DJ and Geoff. She stared at the host blankly for a second, then grimaced and slapped her forehead. "Ahh crap, I can't believe I forgot about the freaking final challenge! Let me guess," she asked the host with an extremely annoyed expression, "I'm gonna have to go back and run that _obstacle course_ before I can be declared the winner."

"Actually, _no_!" Chris said with a smug grin that took the jock-ette off guard. "Since the cameras caught Scarlett confessing to ol' _Chef_ that she rigged Dawn and Beardo's eliminations," he pointed a thumb at his assistant, who smiled and waved in a manner so cheerful it was terrifying, then the camera cut to the mob of teens – focusing in particular on the shocked faces of the two he'd mentioned.

"Hah!" Alejandro suddenly interrupted. "I _knew_ she was cheating!"

"Yes, yes you did," Chris told him plainly before frowning. "Now don't interrupt me again." He cleared his throat before continuing. "Now where was I? Oh yeah. Because of the cheating and that whole _rampage_ just now, the producers decided to _officially_ disqualify her from the competition."

Jo's face lit up excitedly. "Does that mean I-"

"Uh-uh-uh!" the host interrupted with stern finger wag. "I said _no_ interruptions, so zip it!" Jo scowled at him, and he smiled. "That's better. As I was saying, Scarlett is _officially_ no longer a finalist. And while the producers _were_ entertaining the idea of redoing the last couple episodes, since you managed to lead the charge against Scarlett and her monster and dealt the finishing blow, I think we can _all_ agree that the winner of Total Drama Action..." he paused for dramatic effect as grins formed on the majority of the contestants faces, "is _Jo_!"

Immediately, the jock-ette and nearly all of the former contestants who had clustered around her began to cheer once again. The only one who wasn't was Amy, who was standing at the outskirts and seemed to be trying to hide her jealousy with disinterest.

"I-I did it!" Jo said in excitement as she was carried around in celebration. "I really won! Woo hoo!" she pumped her fists. "I'm the greatest!"

The camera panned to Chris and Chef. They smiled, then shared a brief look. Chris nodded slightly then gestured off-screen, and his hulking assistant quickly reached out and grabbed Sam and Dakota.

"If I'm not mistaken," he told the confused couple, "you two still have an aftershow to host."

"Umm, right _now_?" Dakota asked in disbelief. "Are you _serious_?!"

"Yeah, the stage is a mess and the audience ran away." Sam added.

"Not my problem," Chris told them. "Not only has it already been paid for, but for reasons I don't fully _understand_, your segment's been getting hype for _weeks_. There's no turning back now," he told them with an uncaring smile, "unless you wanna disappoint your _fans_."

Sam and Dakota exchanged a nervous look. "We'll do it," the heiress said.

"Good," Chris replied. "The RCMP should be here to pick up Scarlett and the monster pretty soon, so, try not to get in their way. Oh, and if you mess this up?" he added, his expression suddenly becoming cold and unforgiving. "Then you'd better not count on keeping this gig in the _future_."

"Yes sir," Sam said with a nervous salute, "we won't let you down!"

"Good!" Chris smiled. "Now since this is probably gonna end up being an hour-long special, you should _really_ get everything ready right about now." The two younger hosts dashed off nervously, and Chris turned to the camera. "We'll be back with the Total Drama Aftermath Afterparty after this, folks, so stay tuned."

(Fade to Commercial and Back)

The episode resumed with the TDA Aftermath's intro sequence. The letters flew in one-by-one to form the gleaming logo, and the 'D' popped out with a camera sound effect to transition to the studio.

The lack of audience applause was jarring. Though the building was still visibly broken, all the contestants were on-set – the guest couches on stage right with Beth, Dawn, and Sammy in the top row and Lightning, Amy, DJ, and B in front; hosts Sam and Dakota in the middle; and the rebuilt Peanut Gallery stage left with Sugar, Staci, Ezekiel, Scott, and Sierra on top, and Beardo, Topher, Geoff, Bridgette, Alejandro, and Shawn in front. Jo was sitting proudly in the red-and-gold throne between the guest's couch and the hosts.

Also on stage were several men in RCMP uniforms, the disabled animatronic monster, and Scarlett. The police, naturally, were handling both young woman and mechanical alien.

"Hi everyone!" Dakota opened with a wave at the camera. "Welcome to the Aftermath Afterparty!"

"If you're just tuning in," Sam added, "we just went through a _major_ level-boss monster attack. But thanks to Jo and the others, Scarlett and her alien went down faster than a sub-boss on easy mode." The camera panned to the unmoving alien, which had been wrapped up in ropes by several members of the RCMP. Four of them worked together to pull it down onto a flatbed truck with a crash that resounded through the studio, and it was promptly driven off.

"Umm, pardon the mess!" Dakota smiled after a moment's uncertainty. "But don't worry folks, everything's taken care of, so you don't have to worry about any of your Total Drama faves."

"Well, except for _Scarlett_," Sam said jovially. "After what she did, she'll be lucky if she _ever_ gets out of juvie."

The camera cut to the brainiac in question who was getting handcuffed by a pair of officers. She looked back at the hosts and sneered.

"Before she leaves, does anyone have any questions for Scarlett?" Dakota asked, looking around at her peers.

The camera panned across the stage from left to right to show the faces of the ex-contestants; most looked impassive or angry, but none of them made any moves to speak. Except for one.

"Yes, I'd like to ask her something," Bridgette said after a deep breath, standing up from the front row of the Peanut Gallery. "After watching the video your family sent you, I have to know...is _this_...," the camera cut back to the wild-haired, red-eyed. and glasses-less Scarlett, "is this the _real you_?"

Scarlett snorted. "The real me? Of course it is! The Scarlett you thought you knew was nothing but a _facade_ I put on. First it was only to get myself further in the game, but _this_ season it also became useful to hide my true plan. You all thought of me as little more than _just_ another strategist, which let me to bide my time while I worked out _every detail_ of my plan, until I finally had my chance to _strike_."

"So...did our friendship even mean _anything_ to you?" Bridgette followed up with a nervous sadness.

"No," Scarlett said forcefully before the police finally escorted her off-stage. The shot cut back to Bridgette as she hung her head, and Geoff put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"Wow..." Sam said as the camera moved back to him and Dakota.

"Yeah," the heiress added with a sad look at the surfer. "She really is just an _awful_ person." She took a deep breath, then smiled at the camera. "But there's no point in letting her spoil the mood anymore, not when we have so much to _celebrate_ am I right?" She spread her arms and looked from side to side, and most of the others began to cheer.

"That's right," Sam said with a chuckle. "The winner of Total Drama Action has been decided, so why don't we take a moment to look at some of Jo's best moments from throughout the season." He motioned up to the hanging screen as it cut from static to a montage of footage, and a rock tune began to play.

xxx

The scene opened with Jo kicking Lightning off the bus at the very start of the season, and continued with her and Chef jumping left and Shawn and Scarlett jumping right just before a paint bomb fell on them. She pumped her fist excitedly when Shawn picked her first for what would become the Killer Grips, then dodged a bunch of seagulls while hanging ten on a surfboard and followed that up by breaking a director's chair over a shark. A few shots of her water pistol duel with Alejandro followed.

The next string of clips began with her dressed as a serial killer scaring B in the outhouse and later pretending to be the ghost of a security guard in order to scare the other team. This was followed by her charging across the disaster-ridden obstacle course, punching out a mechanical shark head, and throwing a sack over Lightning. She gave her bone-club from the caveman challenge a few test swings, then her slam dunk from the sports movie challenge was replayed.

Jo shoved Amy over and stole the zipwire gun from her, then slid down the line with the rest of the cast hanging off her. She showed off as 'Action Girl', kicked Troll Chef in the kiwis as the 'Ugly Stepsister', grabbed Scarlett's fingerprints and DNA, then braved the top of a speeding train. She threw a large bed through the back wall of the hotel room set, then kicked the sasquatch 'master' between the legs. She was spun around in the 'Vomit Comet', and finally high-fived a bear.

xxx

The scene cut back to the stage as the guests and gallery applauded lightly. "Man," Jo said with a grin as the camera moved in for a close-up, "I forgot just how much _butt_ I kicked this season!"

"Huhuh, that's not _all_ you kicked," Sam chuckled. "Seeing all those dudes in _pain_ reminded me why I'm glad I wasn't a contestant this time."

Dakota giggled. "So Jo, tell us. What's it _feel_ like to be the winner of Total Drama Action?"

Jo rubbed her chin in thought for a second, then answered "It's kinda hard to say. While most of me is pretty freakin' ecstatic that I _finally_ made it to the top, another part of me...just doesn't think it's real."

"What, you think that Chris is just gonna suddenly jump out and say he was just punking you?" Sam asked with a light-hearted smile.

"Ehh, I wouldn't put it past the guy, but that's not what I mean," Jo explained. "I just wasn't expecting to _win_ like this, that's all. Even knowing Scarlett was a dirty cheater I figured I'd still get to beat her one-on-one _before_ she got busted. Winning because she basically decided to throw the game away to go on some rampage feels kinda..._off_. Especially since I wasn't even _thinking_ about the money when I was trying to stop her."

"Oh _really_," Dakota asked, leaning forward with a sly smile. "What _were_ you thinking about?"

Jo blushed lightly and rubbed the back of her neck. "I don't _know_, I just didn't want her to trash the place and hurt a bunch of people or something, okay?"

"Well whatever your reasons," the hostess followed up, "it _totally_ led to you winning big."

"It's just as I predicted last season," Dawn spoke up with a sage nod. "Because you were focused more on saving others than the prize, you were able to claim victory."

"What're you talking about?" the jock-ette asked with a bewildered look. "What _prediction_?"

Dawn gave her a blank look. "Why, from the talent contest, remember?"

The shot cut to the two hosts exchanging a look before Sam spoke up. "Uhh, I think we have that clip?" He and his girlfriend looked back up at the screen above them as the footage began to roll.

xxx

"Oh, I'm _very_ good at palm reading!" Dawn said from just off-screen, the shot zooming out to show her standing just inches from a startled Jo. The petite young woman seized her teammate's hand without asking, splaying it palm-up and peering closely at it. "Let's see...according to this, your _greatest_ victory will never come if you seek it out."

"Gah!" Jo finally reacted, pulling her hand back and clutching it close to her body.

xxx

"Huh," Jo said blankly as the shot cut back to the studio. She furrowed her brow and frowned, then asked Dawn "Hey, wait, does that mean my _greatest victory_ is only gonna be winning this show?"

"It's...hard to say?" the mystic offered weakly. Jo snorted and looked away.

"Hey, why don't you tell us your plans for the million?" Sam asked.

"Well, once I actually _get it_," she said, shooting an annoyed look at the backstage entrance, "I plan on living it up a little, y'know, buy some high-end workout equipment and stuff, maybe go on a vacation around the world or something. Whatever's left after that is going towards getting accredited as a personal trainer, and maybe some _other_ investments."

"Cool, sounds like you really planned this out," the gamer told her.

"What, you think I was gonna come into this competition _without_ a plan?" Jo shot back with a smirk. "I don't do things half way I'll have you know."

"Haha, totally," Dakota giggled. "I never realized how much you could _do_ with a million dollars. But anyway, I think it's time we read some viewer mail. What do we have, Sam?"

She looked to her cohost who was now looking down at his console. "Aside from loads of comments about how _awesome_ it was watching Scarlett and her monster get taken down?" he answered with a chuckle that a few others echoed. "A bunch of questions for pretty much _everyone_, actually."

"Hmm," Dakota said with a sly smile and a sideways glance at the four seated in the front row of the guest area, "maybe we'll have time to get answers from a few of the others before the episode ends. But first place comes _first_, so send a couple questions Jo's way."

"On it," Sam said with a nod. He looked down at his screen again, then read "CattleThumper19 asks: Are you interested in any of the other contestants, and if not, what kind of guy do you like?"

The camera panned over to Jo, and she was already scowling. "What kind of question is _that_? My dating life if my business and my business _alone_!"

"Aww, too bad. Sorry all you Jo fans out there," Dakota told the camera with a cheery wink, "looks like _she's_ keeping quiet."

"Huhuh, next question then," Sam chuckled. "KelseyKool says this: Jo, I've admired you ever since the first season of Total Drama. What's the secret to your success?"

Jo smirked. "Now that's more like it. To answer your question Kelsey," she addressed the camera, "my secret lies in my toughness and smarts that have been honed by sixteen years of hard work, dedication, and _sweat_. If you wanna be like me, you're gonna have to work for it and _not_ just rely on your natural talents. Just keep in mind that even winners like me can't do _everything_, so it helps from time to time to have others you can trust to pick up a little slack. Like with Scarlett just now, I would've had a _way_ harder time taking her down if some of you weren't here to help." The camera panned across those who'd participated, lingering longest on a proud-looking Lightning.

"Ooh, good answer!" Dakota squealed. "Now how about some questions for our _other_ guests..." She leaned towards her console and made a few over-the-top reading sounds before breaking into a grin.

"This one's for Lightning," she said. The camera briefly cut to the uber-jock as he perked up and grinned. "Spoon_guy says that he's a _huge_ fan of yours, and that he was super disappointed that you didn't make it to the finale. He asks: Lightning, how would _you_ have dealt with Scarlett and her giant alien monster?"

Lightning cleared his throat before answering. "Well Spoon dude, the first thing is that Lightning never woulda let Evil Girl get inside the monster to begin with. That way, even if she _was_ still controllin' it, Lightning coulda just smashed her remote before she even got started on her rampage. Then I'd tie her up and kick her to the curb, like sha-_bowm_!" He kicked the air with his right leg.

"Oh yeah?" Jo asked. "And how _exactly_ would you have stopped her from getting in that monster?"

"Sha-_please_," the overachiever waved his hand dismissively, "all Lightning would need to do is make sure he got to the monster first! Then just tackle Evil Girl, and sha-_bam_! Problem solved." He punched the air, then brushed his hands together and smiled smugly.

Jo snorted and rolled her eyes. "Only way _that_ could happen is if you didn't get stuck with cleaning up after the yeti with the weak stomach. _Anyone_ could've stopped her then."

"Okay, next question!" Dakota said, the camera cutting back to her close-up as she began to read. "Let's see...hmmm..._DJ_." At the sound of his name, the gentle giant was shown perking up and pointing to himself in mild disbelief.

"Soundzofluv has _this_ to say." The heiress cleared her throat before continuing. "DJ, after watching you these past two seasons, I've noticed a lot of _confusion_ over who you like." The young man in question immediately cringed in panic. "Can you please just tell us if you like Sammy or Dawn more?"

"Well, uh," DJ squeaked nervously, looking from Sammy – his girlfriend who was giving him a genuinely curious look – to Dawn – who was looking away. "Th-the thing is, there's lots I like about _both_ of them. They're two of my closest friends, and I can't just pick one over the other. B-but," he gulped and shot another quick look to the row above his, meeting Sammy's reassuring smile, "I _am_ dating Sammy, and I gotta say I'm pretty happy with her."

"_Pretty_ happy," Dakota asked with an impish smile, "or just _happy_?"

"W-why do y'all gotta keep readin' too much in to what everyone says?" DJ stammered out in minor outrage. "Can't you just mind your own business?"

Sam shrugged. "Sorry dude. I don't like it either, but the viewers want what the viewers want."

"Well _I_ wanna keep quiet about my personal life," DJ said, crossing his arms.

"Ooh, sorry everyone," Dakota told the camera, "looks like that's all we're getting from DJ. How about we move on?"

"And let's not ask about people's love lives this time," Sam added.

"_Fine_," his girlfriend said in mock-annoyance before looking down once more to read off a question. "Okay, next question goes to...," as she paused, the camera moved to the guest couch as the heavily-injured Amy leaned forward with an expectant smile. "..._B_!" At the announcement, the mean twin flumped back in her seat with a scowl that was only momentarily dropped when she winced in pain.

The silent young man raised his eyebrows and smiled. "Since you're not much of a talker, I'll keep things simple. Crocosmile wants to know if you're ever gonna rebuild that cool voice machine you made. He says he really liked hearing what you had to say," she looked up from her console, "and honestly? So did I."

B blushed in embarrassment and rubbed the back of his head with a wide smirk on his face. He resumed his cool demeanor after a moment, tapped his chin in thought, then shrugged.

"Well folks, seems like a solid 'maybe' to me!" Dakota told the camera.

"Umm, can we please move on now?" Amy interrupted snottily. "I've been waiting to be asked a question for what feels like _years_."

"Uhh, yeah, sorry about that," Sam told her while looking at his console. "It's just that most of the messages we've gotten that are addressed to you have stuff we can't _really_ say on-air."

"Ooh, I found one!" Dakota said with excitement that rapidly faded into a frown. "Wait, no, I read it wrong, sorry.."

Amy growled in frustration. "Fine! I'll just answer the questions they _should_ have asked me. Question _one_: Now that I'm single again, what kind of guy am I interested in?" As she prattled on, she was oblivious to the silent glares most of the others were beginning to level at her. "Answer: From now on, I'm only going out with guys who give me the pampering Princess treatment that I deserve. Question _two_! How will I get back at _Samey_," she viciously spat out her sister's unwanted nickname while giving the younger sister a withering glare, "now that she's basically ruined my life." Sammy returned the glare with a cold and unflinching look of her own. "The answer? I don't know yet! I just have too many _ideas_ that I can't decide which will punish her the _most_. Question three-"

"When will Amy shut up because nobody cares anymore?" the mocking voice of Chris McLean came from the backstage entrance, earning a dramatic twist in the music as the camera quick-panned to him walking on stage with a grin on his face. He was accompanied by Chef Hatchet, and more importantly was holding a certain briefcase in his hands that Jo was eying excitedly. "The answer? **Now**!"

"Chris McLean, everybody!" Dakota said quickly as the Aftermath theme began to play. Chef stopped at the far end of the stage, while Chris kept moving towards the hosts' couch. Sam and Dakota quickly vacated it in favor of standing by the Peanut Gallery, and the one true host of Total Drama moved to take his place center-stage.

He paused just before sitting down, and looked out at the empty seating area with a frown. "It's just not the same without an audience to cheer for me," he said with a sad sigh before finally sitting down. "Still, given the circumstances the two of you did a _slightly_ better job capping off this season than I expected from a couple of amateurs."

The camera cut to the Aftermath hosts as they exchanged a conflicted smile, but the shot panned back to the left just as quickly. "But now," Chris said with a solemn look, "it's time at last to crown our winner. For after a season full of some of the most epic thrills, chills, and movie set spills, only _one person_ has emerged as the ultimate Total Drama winner." He rose from his seat and slowly held up the case, a dramatic but ultimately victorious musical piece welling up in the background.

"Her name? Jo." The camera cut to the grinning jock-ette rising from her throne in anticipation. "Her prize?" Chris' eyes popped open and a grin of his own formed on his face as his voice took a wild and dramatic shift. "One! Million! _Dollars_!" He spun the case between his hands, then shot it towards Jo as though it were a basketball; she caught it eagerly, and held it up into the air as the background music reached its peak and the camera zoomed in on the coveted case, which was given a glowing golden aura and vibrant starburst-patterned background on-screen.

Confetti was raining down from the ceiling as the shot zoomed back out, and those among the cast who were prone to cheering were doing so with full enthusiasm. Jo's friends and allies had surrounded her and raised her up on their shoulders again, and she looked the happiest she'd ever been.

As the winner was paraded around the stage, the camera moved back to Chris as the series' most well-known piece of reverent music began to play. "And so it ends!" he told the camera with a grin. "Thanks! From me," he put his hands on his chest, "your _beloved_ and humble host, Chris McLean. And from our winner," he gestured to the side with his thumb, "Jo. It's been a great season," he spread his arms wide as the others began to cheer even louder and the shot moved back in steps to show the continued celebration, "of Total! Drama! _Action_!"

(Fade to Credits)

* * *

**Author's Note - Post Script**

I am...admittedly disappointed that several people interpreted last chapter's ending as a cliffhanger when it was, in fact, Scarlett's ending - her plan went perfectly, and she'd gotten what she wanted. Perhaps she would have been stopped eventually, but then, at that moment, it was solely her victory. I will admit that I deliberately left it somewhat ambiguous, but the use of the 'Game Over' framing device was meant as a strong hint that some if not all of what just happened would be undone.

All in all, I hope you all enjoyed Jo's ending \- which, incidentally, is the canon one. I'll admit these last two chapters have been highly unorthodox, but I came up with the idea of pushing back TSA's Point of Divergence between the two endings to an earlier point, and showing just how different things could become from then on. Plus, in a movie-themed season, why not end like a movie by having the villain get taken out at the very end? And honestly, the canon version of Episode 25 strikes me as kind of...pointless, you know? It ended up having no effect on the overall winner, and so I decided to rectify that by having the episode be one of the alternate endings. Funnily enough, when it was too late to change thing I came up with another viable idea to fix the final two episodes - get rid of the late game double elimination. and have Episode 25 be the Final Three again with basically the same challenge. The loser would be eliminated, and the others would go on to face the jury of their peers.

The idea of the second 'half' (more like...final third/quarter?) would be the Afterparty was something I decided fairly late into the season. I can imagine it seeming a little jarring, with the ending in particular seeming a tad rushed, but overall I'm satisfied with how it turned out. It was a nice little wrap up for a few characters, and for the season as a whole.

Turning to future events, I'm happy to say that progress on the Celebrity Manhunt Special is right on schedule. It's about halfway done right now - I've gotten up to the first red carpet arrival (taking the place of Harold in the canon version). The first of the two newbies has been introduced, though in a much different manner than Sierra was - and they haven't even been named yet in-story. All in all, I'm looking forward to posting it next week. It...may come a few hours later, since my attention will be partially diverted by the 'Summer Games Done Quick' speedrunning marathon, but you should still expect the Celebrity Manhunt Special on Friday, July 31st.

See you...now! You didn't think I was gonna forget the reviews, did you?

**Elizabeth Life Stone:** Yes they were! Though admittedly a lot of that tension was lost in the canon ending.

**Call Me Ishmael:** Yeah, not including the episode title at the top was a deliberate move - 'Scarlett Fever' would just tip too many people off. I hope you enjoyed Jo's ending too.

**Ddynamo:** Oh yes, odd things tend to happen when the plot train get derailed. Dark as her ending was, it was super enjoyable exploring the depths of Scarlett's evil. Oh, and I'm glad you noticed her early interest in the monster! That said...you're certainly right in that her canon ending would preclude appearance in future seasons. With Jo's ending, though...who knows?

**Glowing Insanity:** Thanks! Though I hope I still have your applause after the revelation that last chapter wasn't a cliffhanger.

**ThatShyWriter:** Haha, thanks! To be honest, Scarlett holding valuable people for ransom just seemed like a completely appropriate way to go. The rest of the season was just setting it up so it made sense - giving her a means to do it (the monster), knowledge of who to target and where they'd be (courtesy of the returning twins), and of course a way to ensure she'd get to the end as a clear villain (rigging the votes). I'm so happy everything was able to come together for her ending, and Jo's as well.

**Invader Cole:** Thanks! The relatively low follower count has struck me as odd for awhile now, especially since even TSI still has more. I'm assuming its because I update on such a regular basis, that people can just keep checking the front page on Fridays knowing the chapter will be posted sooner or later. I hope you enjoyed Jo's ending, and while Scarlett didn't go to a mental hospital like you expected she's still been locked up. And let me tell you, having Blaineley and Josh talk about it was pretty fun.

**The Prime Writer:** Ahaha, I'm glad I was able to surprise you with something so different. I do hope you enjoyed how everything turned out, though, considering it undid most of Scarlett's rampage.

**mybodywasntready:** Indeed.

**bruno14:** Hah, sorry for keeping to my update schedule and making you wait the full week for the exciting conclusion. And while I really do appreciate your enthusiasm, please don't use such, uh, long words - they mess up the review pages on my computer, which makes replying a tad more difficult. That aside, I'm glad you liked how last episode went - starting off normal, but then quickly changing when Scarlett showed her true self. I hope you liked this chapter as well, since it is a continuation of...most of what happened last time, at least.

**acosta perez jose ramiro:** Well, not so much cliffhanger as a full-blown alternate ending, but I do hope you enjoyed this episode regardless.

**StayOuttaMyShed:** Hmm...lots to reply to, but I enjoy reading long reviews at the very least. First off, I'm so happy you enjoyed last chapter! The nervousness I had in posting it turned out to be for nothing, which is always good. Also, I hope Lightning's moments this chapter were at least satisfactory. And, obviously, you were wrong about it being a cliffhanger, but I am glad you at least considered the possibility of it being an alternate ending last time. Scarlett's super dark ending was fun to write, but as you said I'm not the type to have bad ends be canon - it was always going to be Jo who won this season. And of course, both the USB and Jo's doorstop ended up getting used to take down Scarlett. As for your predictions, well, you've got some well thought-out ideas given the information you have about the story. Though you were right in that the newcomers are one boy and one girl, so your list is a tad boy-heavy.

**Knifez:** Well, I hope you liked the Jo vs Scarlett bits in this ending, even if there were other people getting involved too. Thanks for the review!

**Ali6132:** Haha yeah. When Scarlett wins, she wins hard. Fortunately, her downfall came in this ending to the story. I hope you enjoyed it!

**StarHeart Specials:** I'm glad you liked it! And also I hope you enjoyed this part. Oh, and you're wrong - I specifically left out the chapter title from both the start of the episode and the chapter index, because calling something 'Scarlett Fever' is a pretty big tip-off in this fandom.

**CVluxFoxy:** I'm glad you liked the first part! I hope the second was up to the same standard.

**RedHornedUnicowz:** Perhaps, but then the finale of this season would've been so much less dramatic. To an extent, anyway, I'm sure Lightning vs Jo or whatever would have been dramatic as well, just completely different.

**turn forever you and me:** Hahaha, I'm glad you loved Scarlett's ending so much. It's always good to here high praise from a villain fan, even if it is obvious the villain in question is gonna fail next time. Hopefully you found her downfall acceptable.

**I. M. Poik:** As it turns out, the final Aftermath went pretty smoothly. Sure, the studio has a gaping hole in it, and a couple people got kinda hurt, but it's not like, say, Scarlett got away with ransoming people for huge sums of money or anything. Interesting predictions as always, but you'll have to find out next week who the cast for next season is gonna be.

**FOWLKON:** Well you were certainly right about last episode not being the proper ending, and I hope you enjoyed what became of Scarlett. And, as always, thank you so much for the praise - I know that since Action isn't particularly well-regarded in the fandom it isn't that hard to do better, but all the same I'm glad my writing has been enjoyed for two season now.

**chainedforce:** Scarlett finally enacted her season-long master plan of hijacking the animatronic alien monster in a bid to not only get the million dollars, but also extort even more money from Dakota's dad and the producers. In her ending, which was last week's episode, her plan went smoothly - none of the cast were able to stop her, and she ended with her money on the way and the monster quite able to protect her. In Jo's ending, however, our heroine was able to interrupt Scarlett's plan, and with the help from her castmates she was able to take Scarlett and her monster down. Partying then ensued, and Jo won the season.

**insertnamehere21:** Well, only one of many possibilities happened, but that comes with an unpredictable two-part finale. I hop you enjoyed it!

**White Weasel:** I'm glad you liked the previous chapter! It was quite enjoyable to write out Scarlett revealing her evil self more gradually than she did in canon. Making sure the hair came down a little bit at a time, and allwoing ehr to go farther than she did in Pahkitew Island, and with a much greater result. Likewise, it was just as enjoyable writing her finally gets what's been coming to her all season long, and I hope you liked it.

**BuckJohnson:** Thanks!

**Guest #1:** Thanks! And while it wasn't quite Lightning vs Scarlett like you were hoping for originally, I hope you enjoyed Lightning's contributions this chapter.

**OMAC001:** As it turns out, she did it essentially by making a different decision early on that led her to arrive on the scene before Scarlett really got going. I hope you enjoyed it!

**Zak Saturday:** Well, I don't know if I'd really say that. And, well, we've all just seen what happened next, although in a way it was what happened _instead_. Still, I hope you liked how things turned out in the end.

**Karts of Sugar Rush:** Well, it went down harder in Scarlett's ending last time, but still. I honestly don't think World Tour's finale will top this, at least in terms of overall darkness and intensity. It hasn't been planned out too far, though, so even I don't know for sure yet. And while things didn't turn out like you were expecting them to this episode, I still hope you enjoyed it. No scene of Sam standing up for Dakota, but this time around they were able to get to safety before it was needed. And I'm glad you realized why the twins were in casts, since I was hoping someone would make the connection. As for next season's antagonist...well, you'll just have to wait and see.

**Guest #2:** Well, you got what you wanted - it wasn't the canon end, at least, and Jo did win. I hope you enjoyed it all.

**Guest #3:** Now that you know, how did you like it?

**Guest #4:** Glad to hear it! As for next season...I will definitely agree that Ezekiel going feral was a terrible move. Him being a stowaway was actually hilarious, but then having that cause him to become a completely different person just...it wasn't good. That aside, if there were a second Total Drama All-Stars, I'd like to see Harold return for one. Dawn and DJ too. And Brick, and the final four of Pahkitew Island. I'd be fine with pretty much everyone else, so long as they didn't already compete on the first All-Stars.

**Star Saber21:** I'm glad I was able to show Scarlett off successfully, even if it was mostly confined to her own ending. And in Jo's ending, she certainly did swoop in and be the hero. I hope you enjoyed it!

And with that, the whopping _31_ reviews have been addressed. Once again, I hope everyone liked the finale to Total Shuffled Action. Let me know in a review, and I'll see you next week.

And be ready, dear readers, for Celebrity Manhunt's Total Drama Action Red Carpet Reunion Special, Shuffled style!

\- Fangren

* * *

**Appendix: TSA Eliminated Contestants**

Geoff - (Tied for 14th Place)

Bridgette - (Tied for 14th Place)

Shawn - (13th Place)

Alejandro - (12th Place)

Sierra - (11th Place)

Beardo - (10th Place)

Topher - (9th Place)

Sammy - (8th Place; Returned But Ineligible for Victory)

Beth - (7th Place)

Dawn - (6th Place)

B - (5th Place)

DJ - (4th Place)

Amy - (Ineligible for Victory)

Lightning - (3rd Place)

Scarlett - (2nd Place | Disqualified; Placement Pending Investigation)

Jo - (WINNER)


	27. Chapter 27 - Celebrity Manhunt Special

**Author's Note**

It's here! It's here! It's finally here! The episode that people have been looking forward to since season one! Two new Shuffled cast members are about to be announced, as well as the returning cast for Total Shuffled World Tour. So much speculation has gone on in the reviews over the past year, and it's all about to be answered.

But first, the last reviews of the season that will be answered publicly. From here on out, I'll only be answering reviews for this story through the site's built-in system, and only then if there's something I feel I should address or answer. That said, time to get started.

**Elizabeth Life Stone:** Thanks! I hope you like the cast I've put together for next season.

**Eternal Nexus Warrior:** Really? I've heard a lot about Jo's win being predictable, but I suppose that doesn't hold true for everyone. And yes, as I've said many times by now, I will be introducing the two newbies in this special episode.

**Glowing Insanity:** Ahh, good to hear it. And thanks! I was hoping the two endings would go over well, especially considering how different the set up ended up being.

**NewAgeHero:** Cool. And as should be obvious now, the Celebrity Manhunt Special is part of TSA for story purposes - it's basically an epilogue that leads into the next season, and at any rate it uses the TDA opening in canon.

**PizzaTheBomb:** Thanks! And yeah, she's definitely an anti-hero. Not a goody-goody, but she has learned the value of teamwork and such.

**bruno14:** Awesome, I'm glad you liked last chapter. As you said, it really is amazing how much can change from one decision. And you're right that I could have included more fan questions, but honestly I didn't want the Afterparty or the chapter as a whole to be too long.

**CVluvFoxy:** Thanks! And yeah, I've been re-reading Total Shuffled Island recently, and it really is striking how far Jo has come.

**Ddynamo:** Hahaha yeah, this season ended up being pretty weird as far as the eliminations go. And you're right, it wasn't too balanced with the final three having all gotten to last season's final six, and a few people maybe lasting longer than they should have. It's been a learning experience, though, and I think I'll have a better handle on things for TSWT. I'm glad it was still so well-received, though.

**acosta perez jose ramiro:** Even if they did, they probably wouldn't have cared. I don't think they would've expected her to go so far as to hijack the monster. And...yeah, I suppose the comparison between Jo and Rainbow Dash is a good one. Anyway, thanks for the continued reviews!

**Karts of Sugar Rush:** Ah, well, I had hoped it would be clearer. Perhaps I'll edit it slightly at some point to better reflect what was going on. Then again, I don't think setting up the alternate endings of a Total Drama season like I did has been done before, so perhaps there'll always be some confusion unless I just flat-out state what was going on. At any rate, I'm glad you liked the idea for the finale!

**Ali6132:** Yeah, this sure has been a ride alright. Anyway, I'm glad you liked this chapter - though I'm afraid you misunderstood my comment about one of the newbies having already been revealed. See, I didn't mean it had been revealed in Episode 26, I meant that I had already revealed the character while writing _this_ chapter, just in a different manner than Sierra was revealed in canon. Sorry for the confusion.

**StayOuttaMyShed:** Hmm, good point on why some people may have interpreted the ending of Episode 25 as a cliffhanger. Hadn't really thought of that. And yeah, I will admit I may have rushed the Afterparty - I just didn't want it to run on too long. Perhaps a few more questions wouldn't have been too bad. And honestly, in a lot of ways choosing the cat for next season was pretty tough since I know that pretty much every character has fans. And then there's figuring out who got stuck as one of the early eliminations, which even now I'm still a bit uncertain about. And then there's the merge, which comes super late in the season...well, hopefully it'll all work out. All those lovely reflections on this season's cast are definitely being heard, though, even if I can't really comment much on them here. I will say that Brady hasn't been forgotten - he may have just been busy that day and couldn't make the finale, though I won't rule out him being in the fleeing audience either.

**turn forever you and me:** Ahaha, I'm glad you liked it. I haven't watched a lot of monster movies, but I'm glad Scarlett's take down reminded you of one. As for Scarlett meeting Duncan and/or Mal in juvie...it's pretty unlikely, as no all juvenile detention centers are co-ed I think. That aside, I do hope you enjoy this chapter!

**Invader Cole:** Right, right, I can see why you'd think that. As for your predictions...well, you'll know by the end of the chapter if you were right.

**Guest #1:** As I've already said, only two people were randomly assigned to join the cast in this episode. Both are heroes, meaning Heather isn't one of them.

**Guest #2:** I'm pretty sure already said that Jo's ending was the canon one.

**Guest #3:** Piss off, ya homophobe.

**insertnamehere21:** Yeah, I figured. And don't fell too bad, I don't think anyone really saw that set-up with the alternate endings coming. Interesting predictions as always, and you'll finally get to find out if you were right. Also, congrats on getting the 500th review!

**The Prime Writer:** Thanks! And honestly, even I don't really know what's up with Scarlett. All I know is that she does what she does because she feels and thinks that it's the best for her. Like you, I don't know enough about psychology to assess her any more than that. And I'm glad you understood why I ended up rushing the Afterparty so much. As for whether or not B ever rebuilds his device...even I don't know yet.

**OMAC001:** Well, I hope you enjoy it!

**Zak Saturday:** Thanks! Dunno if I can top the last two chapters though. But that's probably just because they were a season finale. This chapter's definitely gonna cause it's own brand of excitement.

**Guest #4:** Right, thanks. I might end up doing just that at some point in the future, but for now I'm gonna focus on the rest of the series.

**FOWLKON:** Thanks! Though Heather won't be joining the cast, since I've already stated that the newbies are heroically inclined. And yeah, it'll definitely be an interesting World Tour.

**Knifez:** Haha, I'm glad you liked it! Although I don't know if I'll ever put anything for Chapter 25's title in the index...maybe 'Finale, Part 1' or something like that and then change Chapter 26 to match. But that's not really important right now. Your critiques, however, are. For the first, I've definitely been trying to come up with more running plots for everyone, even those who'll get early boots. I can't guarantee it'll be perfect, but I think the first half of the game should turn out better than the first two seasons. For the second, I've also been working on the elimination balance and I think it'll be better this time around. Not perfect for everyone, but it was never gonna be perfect - the eliminations in season three are already pretty difficult to balance between what I want to do, and what the reviewers are hoping to see from their favorites. At the very least, though, the gender ratio should be better. And as for the third, since even I have only decided to the Final Three (and all three combinations of finalists have their merits), I don't think the winner will be too obvious. And even the Final Three should be having some close calls at elimination, at least at some point along the line. Overall, though, I'm really glad you liked this season, and I hope you continue to enjoy both this special episode, and next season as well.

**Imagi:** I won't lie, the stuff about Ezekiel was kind of unexpected, but I'm certainly glad you've enjoyed how I've portrayed him. That aside, I'm glad you like my story and are looking forward to this week's installment!

**Nickie Mudkip:** I'm glad you liked it! As for the answers to your questions...well, some of them will be answered today, so read on! Also, I think you accidentally posted your review twice - the second time as a generic 'Guest'.

**I. M. Poik:** Yup, that's exactly what the point of divergence is - if Jo decides to care more about the challenge she stays put and Scarlett is able to beat everyone and complete her plan. If Jo decides to find out where Scarlett is going, she then decides to help the others and in doing so ends up winning the season. As for your predictions...well, you'll just have to read on and see what happens!

**Star Saber21:** Thanks, I'm glad you liked the finale! And yeah, writing the scene of Dawn reading Jo's palm last season was what made me decide on how to split the alternate endings this season - I knew it was going to be Jo vs Scarlett, and at that point I came up with the idea of having the outcome rest on Jo's decision to either pursue the competition, or to go help the others. I'm glad it all turned out so well!

**Joel Connell:** Thanks! I hope you like what happens, and who gets to join the cast.

**80jj:** Ah, good to see you again; no worries for taking so long between reviews though. I'm so glad you liked this season, and all it's many twists and turns. We've come a long way since season one, and perhaps even a longer way since canon. I'm also happy to see that you have such faith in me, and I truly hope I can make TSWT live up to everyone's expectations.

And with that, the reviews for this season have been answered. As I said earlier, any further reviews of this story will not be replied to publicly, though I may answer them privately if I feel the need to do so.

Before the episode begins, I'd like to announce that, **courtesy of Karts of Sugar Rush, a TVTropes page for the Total Shuffled series has been created**. Those of you who'd like to check it out, and even contribute, can find it through the 'FanWorks' tab of the main Total Drama page on TVTropes.

And now, for the moment you've all been waiting for. Have you any idea who the two latest Shuffled contestants will be? Keep in mind that it's gonna be one boy and one girl; both are heroes; and at least one of them competed in the canon version of World Tour. Oh, and most importantly,** the two newbies were chosen absolutely at random**. Nobody picked them out, it was all just the will of the Random Number Generator. So make your last predictions, get some snacks, and get a comfortable, because it's time for the Gemmie Awards...

\- Fangren

* * *

**Special Episode – Celebrity Manhunt's Total Drama Action Reunion Special**

The scene opened on what was meant to look like a beeping TV satellite watching the Earth from afar, only the wires audibly pulling it up hinting that it was a fake. The shot rapidly 'zoomed in' to the planet as a trendy and energetic theme tune began to play. The camera panned down to a limousine under a streetlight where a white-skinned hand was waving out of its open door; the door slammed and crushed the arm, and the limo drove away. The shot quickly panned left to show a dumpster in the foreground just in front of a chain link fence; a pair of hands holding a camera popped out of the trash and took a photo.

That flash transitioned the sequence to a few white people walking around in an airport, some sort of logo flashing on to a hanging television screen. The shot panned down and to the left again as a furry hand poked out of a potted plant and snapped another photo.

Next was a scene of a straight white couple on what looked like a date at an upscale restaurant, although only the guy had a plate of food. The guy started to choke and the girl looked taken aback, and the camera panned to the right to a bowl of soup. A tentacle emerged from the soup holding a camera of its own, and took yet another picture. A fat black guy holding a tape recorder got kicked in the groin, and a scruffy white cameraman got punched out by a large black fist.

Another white man appeared in close-up with his back to the camera, this one with black hair slightly streaked with gray. He had been looking out at a city at night, then turned around as the shot zoomed out to show him to be fairly handsome and wearing a tuxedo. The skyline was revealed to be just a poster with a homeless man sleeping below it, and the name 'JOSH' appeared at the top of the screen.

A quick roll of blank film strip scrolling past the camera transitioned the shot to a close-up of a white woman's hand getting its nails painted red. The shot zoomed out again to show the woman as being young, attractive, and blonde; her dress matched her nails and was both low-cut and tight. Standing by a director's chair and stage light, the woman put her hands on her hips and waggled her eyebrows at the camera – the name 'BLAINELEY' appeared on the screen.

A reel of film rolled through the screen, leaving behind a yellow-and-gold background. All at once a magnifying glass appeared in the middle of the scene, its lens showing a star against a purple background. A few black shoe prints were placed over the star, and the musical theme came to its end.

It was replaced by a simple drumbeat as the scene cut to the inside of a studio, the two people named in the introductory sequence seated together at a desk with the logo shown earlier plastered on the front.

"Hey there celebrity lovers," the man said as the camera zoomed in. "Welcome to a very special edition of Celebrity Manhunt!" The shot cut his close-u as the show's theme played again.

"Tonight is the night we've been waiting for all year," the woman said, "the Gemmie Awards!" The scene changed to a silhouette of a man and a woman standing on the red carpet together under a spotlight. "That's when our favorite TV stars get all dressed up and take home the gold!" The silhouetted couple were suddenly crushed by a giant gold statuette shaped like a woman holding up a television.

"In about a half an hour we'll take you right on to the red carpet to meet the _hottest_ stars!" the man said as the scene flashed to an actual red carpet at night where limos were pulling up and crowds on either side of the carpet were cheering wildly. The camera rapidly flew up the carpet and through the doors, where the blinding light from inside transitioned the scene back to the studio.

"I am _so_ pumped for this," Blaineley said, "are you Josh?"

"Oh _yeah_," Josh said.

"The _shoes_!" she continued, raising up her leg and motioning to her own foot.

"The _tuxes_!" Josh added with a pat of his own clothes.

"The _hair_!" the woman pointed to a lock of her own hair.

"The _drama_!" the man said with a smile, and the two hosts leaned towards the camera and squealed.

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be...famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be...famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

A door was heard closing and a limousine was shown squealing its tires as it sped away. The camera followed it briefly and passed a trashcan with a star spray painted on the sign. The letters 'CM' appeared on the screen in blocky red type, and a pair of arms holding a camera popped out of the trashcan and took a photo.

The flash took the scene back to the studio as a short but trendy theme played. "Welcome back to Celebrity Manhunt!" Blaineley said. "We thought we'd pay tribute to this year's most famous reality show cast: the teens who braved it all on the set of Total Drama Island," the first season's logo appeared in the corner of the screen, "and, Total Drama Action!" The second season's logo appeared below the first's.

A flash took the scene back to the red carpet. "We'll catch you up on Beth, B, Scarlett, Shawn, Lightning..." As Josh spoke each contestant's name, a small portrait of them appeared on screen – the first five took up the top row of the screen. "...Dawn, Sugar, Amy and Sammy, Topher, Scott...," the next six formed the second row. "...Beardo, DJ, Dakota, Alejandro, Sam, Jo...," were the third row. "...Staci, Sierra, Geoff, Bridgette, and Ezekiel," rounded out the bottom row.

"They're nominated in the category of Best Reality Ensemble," Blaineley explained before the scene flashed back to the studio again.

"I think they're gonna _nail_ it, Blaineley!" Josh said enthusiastically.

"No doubt," his cohost said.

"And when they reunite on that crimson rug," an image of a golden version of the Total Drama cast was shown against a yellow background with a large medical needle approaching them to the side, "Celebrity Manhunt will drain _every_ last drop of drama from these uber-famous teens." The needle stuck into the group and slowly sucked away their golden color, leaving them as black-and-white outlines of their former selves.

"_Love it_!" the two hosts declared, sharing a fist bump.

"Total Drama may have ended," Blaineley said, "but the _drama_ goes on, and on! Our crack team of undercover gossip reporters have been _super_ busy this year!"

"Poser boy got his party on," she said breathlessly as the shot flashed to show a still image of Ezekiel in shades and a gold necklace making some pathetic attempt at a hand sign. "The Action Girl took the world by storm..._literally_!" The footage flashed to another still image, this time of Jo jumping out of the way of a lightning strike.

"Meanwhile, is it _game over_ for Samkota?" Josh asked as the image changed to a panning photo of Sam and Dakota looking sadly away from each other.

"The Celebrity Manhunt cameras caught them all," Blaineley said, "even _Amy_ revealing her sister's _acne_ problem!" The photo changed again, this time showing the mean twin pointing and laughing at Sammy, who was looking down in shame. The camera zoomed in on the younger twin's face, revealing a single tiny pimple.

"Ooh, I can't _wait_ to see those kitties bare their claws on the red carpet!" Josh said, giddily rubbing his hands together. He mimed baring claws of his own and made a noise like a cat's yowl, but all it earned him was a sudden pause in the music and an unamused look from his cohost. He put his hands down in shame.

"We've been measuring the popularity of this famous gang," Blaineley continued, "using our amazing, awe-inspiring Celebrity Manhunt Drama Machine!"

A triumphant tune accompanied a quick-pan to the side, the camera stopping on the head of a grungy robot. Its 'eyes' were the classic 'sad' and 'happy' masks, and its down-turned mouth was a meter of some kind. A hatch in its chest was wide open, and a man was leaning inside it making repairs – and showing his buttcrack to the world. The repairman dropped something inside, then called out "It's busted!"

The camera immediately cut back to Blaineley's close-up as she quickly recovered from the surprise. "Let's start with Total Drama's _biggest_ villain. Last season, Scarlett went from being a _respected_ team leader and strategist to a monster-controlling supervillain out for revenge."

"Too bad for her, but _great_ for the rest of us," Josh added, "all she ended up with was a ticket to the _big house_."

A few mugshots of the girl in question were shown, her glasses off and her hair wild. "And we're talking _maximum_ security juvenile detention," Blaineley added. "Sorry Scarlett, but if you do the crime, you have _got_ to do the time."

"We managed to get our hands on some footage from Scarlett's _first_ day in the joint," Josh said with growing excitement. "Let's watch!"

xxx

The scene cut to a video of the evil genius standing in what appeared to be a lunch line alongside several other young women, many of whom were larger than her. She was wearing the standard orange jumpsuit associated with prisoners, and while she was still going without her glasses she had tied the bulk of her hair back into a low ponytail. She finally stepped up to the front of the line, and adopted a nervous smile as she held up her meal tray.

"Well, I'm certain this will be better than the food from Total Drama," she joked awkwardly. The only reply she got from the unseen lunch attendant was for them to unceremoniously drop a scoop of mashed potatoes and peas onto her plate. She frowned and turned around, then began to walk back through the rows of tables.

On the way she was tripped by one of the other girls and fell face-first into her potatoes, earning a round of laughter from those around her. "_That_ was for trying to hurt Lightning!" the culprit said, a large white girl with her hair buzzed short and died purple.

"And _this_ is for trashing the studio!" lisped a nerdy-looking east Asian girl as she threw a bowl of soup on the fallen brainiac's head."

"Yeah!" the first girl said. "Do you know how much work goes into building and maintaining film sets? Around here, we _respect_ that kinda labor."

xxx

"_Ouch_," Blaineley said with a mock wince as the clip ended and the scene moved back to the studio. "Looks like Scarlett was stuck with a bunch of angry _fans_."

"We sat down with her a few months later for an _exclusive_ interview," Josh added with a smile.

xxx

"I must admit I've learned a lot from my stay here," Scarlett said as the next video started. She was seated behind a glass window looking just the same as before, and was speaking through a telephone. "Primarily about human _psychology_. Of course, it was _simple_ to determine the power dynamics of this institution and raise my own relative standing and take control of the population."

Her interview was interrupted by an angry shout from off camera that made the brainiac grimace in fear and duck under the table. "When I get my hands on you Scarlett, you're _dead meat_!"

"...which isn't to say that I'm in _complete_ control, of course," she corrected while cautiously raising back into her chair.

xxx

"A few weeks later," Josh continued as the camera flashed back to him, "and she was out on _parole_ for good behavior. Who could've guessed _that_?!"

"But since then," Blaineley said, "we haven't heard a word _from_ her!"

"Haha, I hope she's not planning her _revenge_ again," Josh joked.

"_Totally_!" Blaineley added. "Scarlett, if you're hearing this, showing up on the red carpet in a giant monster is a _major_ fashion faux pas."

"Especially since you wore one to your _last_ big event!" Josh joked again, and the two shared a quick laugh.

"Next up, post-Drama bods!" the hostess announced excitedly. "This year," an image of a brown-skinned man's six-pack abs appeared to her right, "we saw major improvement _and_ fitness fiascoes." The image of the man next to her suddenly bloated up and became very fat, then the picture turned white and took over the screen.

xxx

The scene moved to a close-up of a bust of Scott being whittled out of a chunk of wood, and the camera zoomed out to show the young man himself handling the knife. He was sitting on the porch of a ramshackle house, and had a very noticeable belly under his tanktop.

"_What_?" he sneered when he saw the camera. "So I had little more of Ma's home cooking than usual, big deal! After spending so long away from the farm I had a hankering for some _real_ food. And you'd be surprised how much fat _porcupines_ have. Anyway, it'll be gone in _no time_."

He belched, scratched his belly, and returned to whittling.

xxx

"Scott let himself go," Blaineley said as a still shot of the schemer's belly moved into position next to her head, "but _Lightning_ kept himself in peak condition." The picture switched to Lightning flexing his arms, then enlarged to take over the whole screen as the uber-jock was shown running down a field in full football uniform.

"As soon as he got back from Total Drama Action, Lightning rejoined his school's football team and started winning _game_ after _game_ after _game_ to make up for his latest loss on set," Josh narrated. "I've never _seen_ such determination!"

"_I_ have," Blaineley said, "and if you wanna see it yourself, then look no further then TDA's winner, _Jo_! After winning the million she made good on her promise by going on a shopping spree," a photo was shown of the jock-ette standing in a driveway while a number of large packages were delivered to her, "and setting off for a road trip across North America." A few more photos were shown of her standing in front of various tourist attractions – the CN Tower, Niagara Falls, Mt. Rushmore, and the Whitehouse.

"Too bad she soon found herself trapped in the worst thunderstorm in _years_!" Josh added excitedly.

xxx

The wind was howling as the next video began, focusing on Jo as she ran along a dirt road in the pouring rain. "This is the last time _I_ go for a jog in the middle of nowhere!" she yelled angrily, monetarily getting distracted by a few pieces of paper and a bicycle getting blown past her. She looked up as thunder rumbled ominously, then picked up her pace. "Why did I decide to stop here, anyway?!"

Another thunderclap got her attention again, and with a sudden look of panic she dove forwards onto the ground. Lightning struck the ground right where she had been standing, but while she did seem to be sparking slightly as she got back to her feet she was otherwise untouched.

xxx

"Talk about your _close calls_," Josh said. "Maybe Mother Nature's not a _fan_."

Blaineley giggled. "Well based on how the _rest_ of her trip went, you maybe on to something. Just a few days later and she found herself face-to-face with a _tornado_!"

xxx

"Darn it, not again!" Jo said as the next video opened with her running along yet another dirt road. And although the rain was much lighter, the wind was much stronger, and soon enough she was picked up and sent flying backwards.

xxx

"Luckily for her, she was tough enough to handle _everything_ that was thrown at her," Blaineley commented. "I can only imagine what having her on the red carpet's gonna be like."

"Haha, the paparazzi better watch out," Josh laughed.

"Meanwhile, _DJ_ took to the airwaves," Blaineley continued as a picture of then gentle giant and his mother replaced the one of Jo getting blown around.

xxx

"Hey there," DJ greeted to light applause as a video clip of him and his Momma began. They were standing in a kitchen behind a countertop loaded with food – roast chicken, ribs, a stack of steaks, a tray cinnamon rolls, and more. "And welcome back to Momma's Heapin' Helpin's, where we don't count calories," he reached out for one of the steaks only for Momma to slap his hand and make him wince, "we count _smiles_!"

An arm slowly reached up from behind the counter, and Staci of all people could be seen poking her head just into view. Momma quickly slapped her hand too, and she ducked back with a cry of "Like, oww!"

xxx

"Chock full of carbs, cholesterol, _and_ calories," Josh said as the shot lingered on Momma and DJ, "their food was to die for!"

The scene finally flashed away, and now focused on Blaineley. "Only problem was, people _did_!" she said as a picture of a coffin slid into position next to her head, then changed to a picture of a sad, shirtless, and slumped-over DJ walking away from the camera. "DJ, what were you thinking? We tracked down Momma to answer a few questions."

xxx

The footage cut to static before coming back to the unedited view through a TV camera. "There she is," the white man holding it whispered before running up to Momma with a microphone as she walked by. "Momma! Momma! What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Get outta my _face_!" was Momma's reply, accompanied by a slap that knocked the camera to the ground.

xxx

"After a few dozen lawsuits," Josh said back in the studio, "DJ and his Momma were left with nothing but a tour bus full of shattered hopes and dreams." The scene flashed to the two in question, now wearing barrels for clothes as they stood in front of a bus with their pictures on the side. Momma slapped her son, causing him to squeal.

"While DJ and his Momma aired their dirty laundry," Blaineley said over a picture of some dirty undergarments hanging on a pole outside that quickly receded into the space between the two host's heads, "_we_ went looking for more."

"But when it comes to _one_ Total Drama teen," Josh said, "there _was_ no dirty laundry."

"Or any sign of her!" Blaineley added as the picture next to her became a very blurry shot of Dawn meditating in the woods that was clearly taken from far away. "Dawn, where are you?"

"This _pathetic_ telephoto shot is all we got," Josh added over a few different close-ups of the same blurry picture. "But don't worry folks, we'll hunt her down on the red carpet tonight."

"Meanwhile," Blaineley continued over a clip of a cameraman skateboarding along a road while filming, "our cameras were _hot_ on the trail of another Total Drama man of mystery."

"Our homeschooled hoser-turned-homie, _Ezekiel_, went back to the farm for some downtime," Josh said as a picture of the boy in question appeared next on-screen. "Celebrity Manhunt caught up with him."

xxx

Once again, the footage was viewed as the unedited feed through a video camera. "Yo yo yo, paparazzi peeps," Ezekiel greeted from in front of a barn with his faux-bling and attempted hand signs as a hiphop tune began to play in the background. "Yo want a piece of the Zeke? 'sup!" He held out his gold chains – which included a large Z and what looked like a cowbell – then promptly got his arm caught in them.

"It don't matter _how_ much bling you sling, brotha," the cameraman said as Zeke tried to free himself and in doing so caused the bell around his neck to ring, "you gotta eaaarrrrnn ghetto cred."

Ezekiel fell over with a grunt, then said "I'm kinda stuck here. Can you put the cameras down and help me out?" By then, the camera had already moved over to a large bull watching nearby. "Guys?" The bull mooed, then began to look at the fallen boy with amorous intent – Ezekiel immediately began to scream.

xxx

The scene flashed back to Josh, the picture next to his head now showing the bull kissing Ezekiel on the cheek. "Good work, people!" the host said. "Next up, Sammy and Amy." Pictures of the two twins slid on-screen from either side, each girl leaning towards the center of the screen with a hateful expression. They were each seated at a computer in what was presumably their room, with Sammy's being bluish-purple in color and Amy's being more of an orange. "Their epic sibling rivalry hit the internet where they had a full-on _blog war_."

The twins' picture moved back to the space between the host as Blaineley asked "Can someone tell me why Amy is still trying so hard to drag her sister through the mud? It's getting _seriously_ pathetic at this point."

"If there's another fight between these Amy and Sammy," Josh said giddily, putting his hands on his face, "ooh! I'm on team Sammy all the way!"

"Me too!" Blaineley chimed in. "Unlike her sister, Sammy's a _total_ sweetheart. She's a lovable underdog who's fought all her life to escape Amy's shadow, and who doesn't love that?"

"Let's check out some of that _web action_ from earlier this year," Josh told the camera.

xxx

"Hi everyone," Sammy opened her video, taken by a webcam in her bedroom. "I hope you're all doing well. Today, I have a special guest," She leaned forward and grabbed the webcam, turning it to the right to reveal, "Beth!"

"Hi!" the dorky girl smiled and waved.

"So tell us, Beth, how are things with you?" the cheerleader asked her friend. "Are you still dating Brady?"

"Oh, _totally_," Beth gushed. "Just look at the promise ring he gave me the other day!" She held up her hand, showing what looked a large red diamond-cut jewel on one of her fingers.

Sammy raised an eyebrow in cautious confusion. "Uhh, isn't that, like, a _candy_ ring?"

"Yup!" Beth nodded, taking a quick lick of the sugary jewel. "I know its not very expensive, but Brady said he wanted to give a _sweet ring_ to his _sweet girl_."

"That's...actually pretty, well, _sweet_!" Sammy told her friend with a soft smile.

"I know, right?" the wannabe grinned. "What about you, have you been keeping in touch with DJ?"

Sammy blushed lightly. "Oh, well, when we can," she explained. "With all the stuff he's been going through, he doesn't have a lot of time to call me."

"Oh yeah, I heard about that," Beth frowned, putting her finger to her lip. "I can't believe so many people _died_."

The cheerleader hung her head. "I haven't seen him in person since I spent that week touring with them. I wish I could do more to help."

"Don't worry," Beth said with a reassuring pat on the shoulder, "I'm sure things will turn out alright."

xxx

The scene cut back to the studio. "Then came Amy's _online attack_," Blaineley said as a picture of the mean twin appeared on-screen.

xxx

"I _just_ saw Samey's latest _gag_-fest of a video," Amy opened her own webcam video, rolling her eyes and putting on a look of superiority. "And can you believe she actually invited that _geek_ over to our _house_? I don't know what she was thinking. It'll take _weeks_ to cleanse everything."

"Oh, and all that talk about their _boyfriends_?" Amy added with a dismissive handwave. "Please, nobody cares. Brady's just some _airhead_ with horrible taste, and DJ?" she snorted out a laugh. "Don't even get me _started_. Samey's just lucky she got off that tour bus alive. The fact that Samey _still_ hasn't broken up with him just shows how _stupid_ she is."

Amy broke out laughing, then added "And did you notice how she _still_ isn't mentioning her freaky little girlfriend Dawn? I still say Samey's been _abandoned_. It wouldn't be the first time. I bet Dawn and DJ decided to _hook-up_, and DJ's just stringing Samey along."

xxx

"So cold!" Josh said as the mean twin's clip cut to static.

"_Brrr_!" Blaineley added with a shiver. "Sammy couldn't let this go," the hostess added as the nice twin's picture appeared next to her head, "she _had_ to respond!"

xxx

"Thanks for sending all your support!" Sammy opened the next video with a smile, Beth nowhere in sight. "And yeah, I saw Amy's video – _heard_ some of it, too, since she's just down the hall from me." She absentmindedly pointed to her left. "Honestly, her trashing DJ and Beth and Brady doesn't bother me. That's just, y'know, how she is. I always used to hope that Amy might one day treat me with respect, but I think I've accepted the fact that it just won't happen."

She smiled for a second, then hung her head and sighed. "But that _kinda_ brings me to something I should have talked about sooner. See, the truth is," she gave the webcam a sheepish look, "I don't _know_ what's going on with Dawn. Things have been weird ever since that video of her and her Dad was leaked, and I haven't talked to her since we left the film lot. Neither has DJ, actually, and he's even been trying to _look_ for her."

Sammy sighed again. "Dawn, if you're watching this, I just wanted to let you know that...that I _miss_ you. That _DJ_ misses you. I can only imagine what you must be feeling, but...whatever it is, it's not something you can just run away from or ignore. Please, just...let's just talk, okay? We can figure things out _together_."

xxx

"After a few more weeks of this," Josh said as the camera cut back to him, "we invited them to the Celebrity Manhunt studio. A picture of the host and twins seated and facing each other appeared on-screen, and a flash took the scene to the interview/

"You've been through so much together," Josh said softly. "Sixteen years in the same house. A cabin at a summer camp, and a trailer in an abandoned film lot. Why not just bury the hatchet?"

The twins shared a brief look of consideration, then Amy looked at the host. "Well Josh, it's just that because of Samey, people are starting to think that I'm _not_ the better twin."

"No," Sammy countered, "it's because of _you_ that people are realizing that you aren't as great as you say you are."

"You take that back!" Amy growled.

"_No_!" Sammy said forcefully. In response, Amy pounced on her sister, and the twins began to fight right there in the studio.

"Cat fight! Cat fight!" Josh cheered enthusiastically, watching the girls and rubbing his hands together.

xxx

"Mmm, what is it with guys and cat fights?" Blaineley asked with a playful shake of her head.

"Let's watch it again!" Josh said, eagerly rubbing his hands together. He then mimed baring his claws again, complete with another cat-like yowl.

"A major celebrity is arriving at the red carpet!" Blaineley suddenly announced, her hand to her ear.

/

The scene flashed to the red carpet as seen through the raw feed from a video camera. Photo flashes came from the crowd as a limousine pulled up, and the shot changed to a close-up of its door as the limo came to a screeching halt, causing the door to pop open and the man inside – a familiar face in a baby blue tux – to come ricocheting out.

He fell to the ground with an "Oof!" and the camera panned up to show none other than Chef Hatchet stepping out the other side, wearing a black suit coat and lavender bow tie over his usual attire.

"Dude," the other man said as he got to his feet and rubbed his head in pain, "where'd you learn how to drive? NASCAR?"

"Ahh, suck it up, you big baby," Chef told him with folded arms.

"Fine! _You_ clean up the barf!"

"It's stubble boy Chris McLean!" Blaineley interrupted from off-camera, catching the handsome man's attention.

"Heeey-hehe-hey!" Chris said, adjusting his bow tie and approaching the camera. "Celebrity Manhunt! _Josh_." He made a shaka sign. "Did you get my video?"

The trendy music that had been playing came to a screeching halt as the camera cut back to the two hosts in the studio, their eyes looking around in awkward silence. The shot quick-panned to a tipped over trashcan, and zoomed in on a CD case with Chris' face on it – the case was being gnawed on by a rat. "Yup..." Josh said weakly.

A split-screen formed, with Blaineley on the left and Chris on the right. "Chris," the hostess said while the man in question signed an autograph, "you must be _dying_ to see the Total Drama cast again!"

"...Who?" Chris asked after a moment as he handed the autograph to someone off-camera.

"The teenagers you _abused_ for two seasons on national television?" Blaineley explained in a dry tone.

"Oh right!" Chris said with a sudden grin. "Love their work. _Love_ them! Can we talk about my _new_ show now?" He flashed a double thumbs-up, and Blaineley's eyes briefly widened.

"We're going to take a break," she said, Chris' half of the split screen sliding away. "But don't go away! Next, we have the rags to riches to rags of 'Drama to Drama', the Total Drama band that _rocketed_ up and down the charts with their hit, 'The Challenge Never Ends'."

"Here's a clip from last year's chart-topping music video," Josh added.

xxx

The clip began with a spotlight turning on over a stage, illuminating Topher standing at a microphone.

"And though it hurts so bad, the challenge never ends~" he sang, hanging on the last word as additional lights came on over his bandmates and they started playing along – to the right, Alejandro on guitar; to the left, Beardo on synth; in the back, B on drums.

Topher closed his eyes and tapped his foot a couple times, then belted out "Because I do it for yooouuuu~!"

The other three's playing became more intense, and the camera passed over each one in turn.

xxx

The scene cut back to the feed of Chris McLean on the red carpet, his hand to his ear as he spoke. "Going to commercial? I got this." He shot a finger pistol, then turned to the camera and spread his arms. "Will Amy _ever_ give up her one-woman crusade? Will Ezekiel ever get a clue? And who will _DJ_ take to the Gemmies?" He put his hands on his head and adopted an expression of awe and disbelief. "So many questions! Find out the answers when Celebrity Manhunt: Total Drama Red Carpet Reunion Special returns! _Right_ after this!" He pointed straight at the camera, then put his hands on his hips and smugly said "Now that's how you do it."

"_Mmm_," a clearly annoyed and unimpressed Blaineley grunted. "Thanks."

(Fade to Commercial and Back)

The episode resumed with a shot of a limousine speeding towards the camera until the focus was entirely on its front license plate. The letters 'CM' were stamped on the plate with a metallic clang, and the shot panned up to a furry arm holding a camera out the driver's side window. The camera flashed, transitioning the scene to the studio.

"It's Celebrity Manhunt's Total Drama Red Carpet Reunion Special!" Blaineley said, ignoring a stage light that fell behind her and Josh while the male host quickly diverted his eyes to it.

"Now let's look at what happens when the _lovin_' stops," Josh said as a picture of Sam and Dakota kissing slid into view next to his head then enlarged to take over the screen. "On Total!" The right half of the picture was replaced with half a heart against a yellow background. "Drama!" The left side turned into the other half of the heart, and the whole thing began to beat. "_Break-ups_!" The heart shattered like glass as a video clip began.

"It all started out so well," Josh narrated as Sam and Dakota were shown walking down a sidewalk holding hands. They stopped and waved at the paparazzi that were around, and the camera filming them zoomed in on the gamer's fancy new clothes. "Dakota gave Sam a much-needed makeover," Josh said before the shot zoomed back out as Sam led his posing girlfriend away, "while he helped keep her grounded."

"Samkota was the Total Drama power couple that defied the odds and took a chance on love," Blaineley said back in the studio.

"But tensions began to rise when the hosts of the Total Drama Aftermath show began their own creative endeavors _separate_ from each other," Josh continued.

"Sam was first, with his video game channel on ClipTube becoming an overnight _success_," Blaineley said as the gamer's smiling portrait slid into position next to her. "While Dakota was initially supportive, it didn't take long before she voiced her _real_ opinion."

xxx

"Welcome to Sam Plays!" the familiar voice of the gamer greeted, the video being recorded entirely in-game. His avatar looked like a blockier version of himself, and the simulated world around it looked similarly cube-based. "Today I'm taking a look at 'Build&amp;Dig', that new indie game that everyone's been talking about."

His avatar began to walk around the 3d world, looking at various rocks and trees and things. "Gotta say, it's already looking pretty good. But I know you all wanna see me get into the good stuff, so I'll just-"

A doorbell interrupted the recording. "Huh?" Sam grunted as his character stopped moving, and he was heard rising from his chair. "I wonder what..._Dakota_?!"

"Hey Sam!" Dakota's voice came over in the background. "I've got some big news, and I just _had_ to fly over and tell you in person."

"Uh, not that I'm not happy to see you, but can it wait?" Sam asked as what looked like a giant scorpion walked onto the screen and grabbed the gamer's character in its claws. "I'm kinda in the middle of _recording_."

"Psssh, _that's_ what can _wait_," the heiress said dismissively. "Besides, once I tell you the news, you'll forget all about that little _video game_ thing you've been doing." The scorpion, meanwhile started viciously thrashing the unmoving avatar around.

"I told you," the gamer said, "it's not some little '_thing_', it's a Let's Play channel and-" The scorpion finished Sam's character off with a sting of its tail, and the avatar burst into a pile of bones and a gravestone.

"Sam," Dakota interrupted, "I finally got a call from the network, and they've approved the concept for my spin-off series!" She squealed in excitement.

xxx

"Ouch," Josh said with a chuckle. "I may not know much about video games, but having your passion dismissed so easily has _gotta_ sting."

"And speaking of _sting_," Blaineley said as the focus moved to her, "check out what happened a couple weeks later during filming of the pilot for 'Living with Dakota'."

xxx

The next clip opened with a shot of Dakota herself, winking and leading the camera through a screen door that automatically slid open and out into a very fancy garden filled with statues and a few shrubs cut into the shape of Dakota's head. Off to the far left, Staci of all people could be seen peeking over a hedge wall before suddenly and silently falling down behind it.

"And _this_ is is the east garden," she explained as she backed onto the outside patio. "It's where we keep the outdoor art pieces. As you can see," she quickly looked over her shoulder at one of the topiaries then gave the camera a knowing smile, "it's _great_. I'm even thinking of-"

She was cut off when a bee buzzed into view and flew close to her. "Umm, _what_?" she said in obvious discomfort as she tried to edge away from the insect. "Sam, come help! This bee's, like, trying to _attack_ me!"

The camera spun around to show the gamer coming out of the house with a frown on his face. "It's probably just attracted to your perfume or something," he told her. "Just, I don't know, move away from it and it'll leave you alone eventually."

"But Sam, it's _distracting_ me!" Dakota whined.

Sam sighed in exasperation, then walked forward and cautiously started to wave his hand at the bee. "C'mon, go away," he told it in a tired tone. "Go pollinate somewhere else."

A dramatic note was struck as Sam's hand smacked into the bee, a clearly unintentional maneuver based on his expression but one which he was duly punished for with a sting. He yelped in pain, then rubbed his hand. "Great," he said dully.

Dakota winced uncertainly, then told him "Well, at least it didn't sting _me_, right? I can _not_ afford to swell up on camera." Sam gave her an unamused look.

xxx

"It wasn't long after that that Samkota's public appearances started to _dwindle_," Blaineley said.

"And when they _did_ show up," Josh added as a picture of the couple arguing appeared between the hosts, "it was clear that a break-up was on the way."

"The only question was, how would it go down?" Blaineley said. "Luckily, Celebrity Manhunt got these _juicy shots_ from outside the Milton Mansion." A series of photographs were shown on the screen, starting with what was nothing but a large and half-open set or ornate double doors. The next showed Sam getting thrown out of them, and the third showed him landing face-first on the front steps. Fourth had the gamer standing and shaking an angry fist at the door, and sixth showed him in the middle of walking away – and getting beaned in the back of the head by a small video game console.

"If _that's_ not a dumping, I don't know what is!" Josh declared with a grin.

"Come on!" Blaineley said, snapping her fingers. "Dakota, dig deep and use that heart of yours! Sam, realize what you had, and take her back! We know you two can do what it takes to make things work!"

"We're all rooting for you," Josh added with a chuckle before turning to face the camera more directly.. "Now let's check in with another star couple."

"Bridgette and Geoff," his cohost said as a picture of the two lying on a tanning bed together appeared next to her. "The runner-up of Total Drama Island and her fun-loving boyfriend. You just couldn't open a fanzine this year without seeing a picture of Geoff and Bridgette," Blaineley added as a picture of several magazine covers depicting the couple slid into the space next to her. "or as _we_ call them, _Gidgette_! Sucking face..." A close-up of one of the covers was shown, depicting the blondes making out.

"With Geoff's popularity shooting higher than Bridgette's," a photograph was shown of the party boy signing an attractive white woman's arm while Bridgette gave him a stern look, "she had to put up with a lot of Geoff's stalkers." A close up of the surfer's face was shown, followed by a shot of the party boy signing another attractive white woman's belly, and a close-up of the resulting angry scowl on Bridgette's face.

"When Geoff let his guard down," Josh said over a clip of the couple standing together in an airport with their surfboards, the party boy's eyes following a passing redheaded woman and causing Bridgette to gasp when she noticed, "he was _in_ for a _smackdown_." The clip skipped ahead to Bridgette smacking her boyfriend over the head with her board, then to a close-up of the boy's dazed face.

"But luckily for Gidgette," Josh said back in the studio, "they patched it _all_ up."

xxx

The couple were shown at what looked like a press conference, standing at a podium with a spotlight on them. "Let's just all chill out," Geoff told the crowd before turning to his girlfriend. "I never should've let my eyes wander from my little Shmoopy-Shmoo," he told Bridgette in a babytalk voice, grabbing her by the chin and looking deep into her eyes.

Bridgette gasped, then put a hand on his face and said "And I should always trust my Cutie-Patootie!"

They promptly began to make out.

xxx

"_Cutie-Patootie_?" Josh repeated incredulously as the camera zoomed in on him and a dramatic note played.

"_Shmoopy-Shmoo_?!" Blaineley echoed.

"_Ewww_!" the two hosts cringed.

"There's no bigger buzz kill than _babytalk_ when it comes to celebs," Blaineley explained as the picture next to her head changed from Gidgette making out to a small white baby.

"Are you kidding me?" Josh asked, putting his hands on the desk and leaning forward. "They are _still_ fascinating. They ate salads!" A photo of the couple lovingly feeding each other at a restaurant was shown. "They tried on socks!" The lovers were shown kissing while putting on socks. "They _ironed_!" A third photo showed the couple doing nothing more than ironing clothes. "I'm excited!" Josh said, pointing his thumbs at himself.

"_Why_?" Blaineley asked incredulously. "They were a _total_ non-entity during season two. And _ironing_? You have to earn gossip worthiness," she told her cohost. "Otherwise, I'mma changin' the channel," she told the camera with a sassy gesture. "Let's get back to some real celebrities, _Drama to Drama_!"

"The Total Drama band that _rule_ the music world!" Josh added as an album cover depicting the four members spun onto the screen, and an electronic rock riff played.

xxx

A video began to play, showing Topher and Beardo stepping out of a limousine and getting greeted by a crowd of paparazzi. "Honestly, _this_ is the life I love," Topher told the camera. "The fame! The money! The chance to _finally_ say I've made it big!"

"Not to mention havin' the chance to finally get my _music_ out there," Beardo added. "Touchin' people on an emotional level, man, it's just..." He waved his hand vaguely, then made an odd sort of sound reminiscent of a theremin.

xxx

The shot cut to Alejandro in a recording studio playing a few slow chords on an acoustic guitar. "To be honest, I wasn't sure about joining the band at first," he admitted to the camera. "But I admit the chance to improve upon my already _considerable_ musical talent is welcome."

xxx

Back in the Celebrity Manhunt studio, Blaineley sighed dreamily. "I am _so_ crushing on Alejandro," she told the camera. "He has enough flavor for the whole band!"

"Just as their album shot to the top of the charts," Josh said as a guitar was strummed sadly and a picture of the four band members walking across a certain British crosswalk was shown, "the trappings of fame shot _straight_ to their heads." Another, larger picture of the four was shown, depicting them arguing furiously in a trashed hotel room. Staci was noticeably present in the background wearing a flower pot on her head.

"With tensions long thought dormant exposed once more," Blaineley said, "it looked like their music career was coming to an end." The album cover depicting the four appeared next to her again, but immediately shattered and was replaced by angry portraits of the bandmates.

"But then without warning they patched things up," Josh added, "and even held auditions to choose another band member from the Total Drama crew. Sadly," he frowned, "it would only lead to _disaster_."

"Turns out most of their Total Drama castmates just weren't interested," Blaineley said. "And the ones that were just weren't up to their standards."

"Beth showed a lot of enthusiasm," Josh said as a photo of the dorky girl happily trying to play a guitar appeared on-screen, "but without the talent to back it up, even close friends Beardo and B were _forced_ to turn her down." Another photo was shown, this one depicting the beatboxer breaking the new to a saddened Beth while B watched nearby. "Ouch!"

"Good thing Beth didn't hold it against them," Blaineley commented. "Next up was Staci, and she fared even _worse_," a picture of the chatterbox holding a tuba was shown, followed by a picture of the four band members looking at her angrily, then a third picture showing Staci getting kicked out of a building. "Given the boot before she even started! Sorry girl, but you're gonna have to try way harder than _that_ to get a popularity boost."

"Which brings us to the _third_ person who auditioned that day," Josh continued, "none other than Sugar Silo. You'll have to _see_ it to _believe_ it."

xxx

The video began with the camera focused on the members of Drama to Drama as they sat at a table, the pageant queen standing in front of them with a wide smile on her face.

"Very well," Alejandro sighed, "what have you got for us, Sugar?"

"Why, none other than your new lead _singer_!" Sugar said excitedly.

"Uh, excuse me?" Topher interrupted with a short an annoyed laugh. "_I'm_ the lead vocalist."

Sugar waved her hand dismissively. "Pfft, you ain't _nothin_' compared to Sugar Silo, and I'll prove it." She cleared her throat, then began to sing. "And though it hurts so bad the challenge ne-ver ennnnds~! Because I do it fer youuuuu!" Her cover of the band's hit song was slightly off key, and the final note was high enough that cause everyone in earshot to wince, and the camera lens filming the audition to crack slightly.

A loud buzzer courtesy of Beardo cut her off, and the four boys stood up. "I think that's _enough_, Sugar," Alejandro said forcefully.

"Yeah," Topher added. "After that performance, there's no way we'd _ever_ let you work with us." B nodded his agreement.

Sugar looked taken aback for a moment, then scowled. "Well fine then!" she told them. "I can launch my music career without you! In fact, I'll do so well by myself, that everyone'll forget you even exist!" The boys did nothing but glare at her, and she turned and walked off with a huff of contempt.

xxx

"Well, Sugar was right that she didn't need them to launch her music career," Blaineley commented. "Too bad for her the novelty of her act wore off _fast_ in the music world, helped along by a resurgence in Drama to Drama's popularity."

The camera zoomed out to show both hosts as a split-screen picture appeared between them, depicting the boys of Drama to Drama on the left and Sugar Silo on the right, the two sides staring each other down. "The public feud that resulted was both short and _hilarious_," Josh added, "but it ended up costing both sides _everything_ when they ended up releasing albums on the same day. Celebrity Manhunt was there to watch it all go down."

xxx

Another clip had already begun, showing both Sugar Silo and Drama to Drama sitting at tables in what looked like a music store. A stack of CDs rested on each table, and promotional signs for both sides were everywhere.

The store was empty, save for one other person who walked on-screen from the right a few seconds after the video began. She was a slender teenage girl, her features an ambiguous mix of white and east Asian. She was wearing what looked like a short pink dress, though it may just have been a skirt and blouse with particularly poofy shoulders. Combined with the pink slippers, the pink evening gloves, and the pink bow in her black bouffant she gave the impression of a princess straight out of an animated fairytale. She was clutching a couple pieces of paper closely to her chest.

"Oh, I'm quite happy that you've decided to release another album," the girl said in a soft voice as she approached the Drama to Drama table. "I _really_ liked the others." She handed one of the papers she was holding – the camera just barely caught a glimpse of it as a promotional photo of the band – to Alejandro, as well as some money.

"And I'm quite happy to see a fan as lovely as yourself," Alejandro replied, the light gleaming off his smile. He signed the photo, then handed it to his bandmates and grabbed one of their CDs.

"Hey!" Sugar shouted from the other side of the room. "Why don't you come on over and buy somethin' from a _real_ star?"

Drama to Drama was shown narrowing their eyes at their rival while B handed the fan back her autograph, but the hate on the boys' faces was soon replaced by surprise.

"Oh yes, of course!" the princess said with a cheery wave, walking over to Sugar Silo's table and surprising even the pageant queen. "I couldn't _bare_ to forget about _you_, Sugar Silo." The fan handed over another promotional photo – this time of the craptry 'star'. "I was _overjoyed_ when I learned that both of you would be here today," she said, looking from Sugar to the four boys she'd just visited and back again. She accepted the signed photo from a suspicious pageant star, then paid for the CD. "And pardon me if I'm intruding, but despite how the news makes you out, I think it would be just _grand_ to see you all working on an album together."

With that, she left the store humming a tune reminiscent of Sugar's performance from Total Drama Island's talent contest. She seemed utterly unaware that she'd left the music rivals glaring at one another hatefully.

"I hope you enjoyed the _pity_ that girl took on you," Alejandro told Sugar, "because that's the _only_ person who will be buying that ridiculous excuse of an album you've put out."

Sugar snorted. "Yeah, like _that'll_ ever happen. Face it pretty boy, that girl came here for _me_. She only bought _your_ CD to be polite. Probably just gonna use it as a coaster, or as a chew toy for her pet pig or somethin'. That's all its _good_ for."

"Hey!" Topher said, standing up in outrage. "You take that back! Our album is _not_ just a chew toy!"

"Or a coaster!" Beardo added as the rest of the band stood up.

"_Your_ album is the worthless one!" Topher continued. "In fact, it's _so_ worthless, you'd have to _pay_ people to buy one!"

"Oh yeah?" Sugar said, standing up and putting her hands on her hips. "You think yer better than me?"

"Yeah!" the members of Drama to Drama chorused.

"Then prove it!" Sugar yelled before pouncing on them.

xxx

"With all the bad press they got from their fight," Josh said as a picture of Sugar wrestling with the four boys was shown next to him, "it wasn't long before Sugar Silo was sent back to the farm, and Drama to Drama broke up for good."

"But while things were looking down for them," Blaineley added, "things were looking _up_ for Beth. Plucked from the depths of geekdom by her boyfriend Brady," a picture of the odd couple holding each others hands and waving at the cameras was shown, "Beth soon found herself waist-deep in the world of professional modeling."

"Content at first to be part of her boyfriend's entourage," Josh said as a photo spun on screen depicting the nerdy girl standing off to the side watching Brady pose for a camera, "it wasn't long before she got into the action herself."

"First it was her smile," Blaineley said as a few close-up shots of the dorky girl's grin were shown. "Then came her hands," a few shots of Beth's hands, "and pretty soon Beth had landed a photoshoot to showcase _all_ her geeky style." The last set of photos showed Beth posing much like her boyfriend had done earlier, with Brady watching happily from the sidelines.

"And hey, good for her!" Josh said with a wide smile as the photos slid away. "I may not know what people see in her, but it's clear _somebody_ does!"

Blaineley chuckled. "Too true," she said before looking at the camera again. "Post-Total Drama, Shawn and Staci hit the celebrity reality TV circuit," she said, a picture of the two sliding into view beside her. "You've seen them on shows like 'Celebrity Stunt Driving'," she motioned to the picture as it enlarged and changed to a picture of a reddish car driving off a cliff, "'Doctor for a Day'," the next picture showed the two in surgical scrubs, Shawn holding a scalpel and Staci ready with a defibrillator, "'So You Think You Can Eat That?'," the pair was shown standing in a kitchen over some a hunk of meat with a skunk's tail sticking out of it, the conspiracy theorist hesitantly reaching for it while the chatterbox looked ready to vomit, "and 'Extreme Chess: Pillar Edition'." The final picture at first showed the pair playing a timed game of chess outdoors, before it zoomed out to show them standing on a few planks set up on two tall rock pillars.

"We caught up with these...'Rea-lebrities'," Blaineley frowned and rolled her eyes, "on the set of 'Sharp Things Flying at Your Head'!"

xxx

Shawn and Staci were running on treadmills as the clip began, dodging various sharp-ish objects thrown at them, including a wheelbarrow and a large umbrella. Shawn's hair had grown back since his last appearance.

"All my talents went to waste on Total Drama," Staci told the camera as it zoomed in on her, "since I was voted out first, yah. But on these other shows," she ducked under a chainsaw, "I can really show off my family's skills." She yelped and dodged what looked like a small missile.

"Uhh, I'm just doing it for the _money_," Shawn said as the camera moved to him and he easily dodged a trashcan. "After losing out on my winnings from Total Drama, I still need all the money I can _get_ to fund my bunker!"

The camera zoomed out to show both of them, and caught Staci finally getting beaned in the head by a cinderblock. She was knocked off her treadmill, and Shawn raised his arms in victory. "Oh yeah!" he cheered before the video ended.

xxx

"Okay, worst career moves," Josh said, pointing a finger at his cohost. "Go!"

"I'm gonna say...," Blaineley said as she began to think, a light ticking tune beginning in the background. "Shawn's 'Fashionista Flip-Flop' appearance," she answered as a photo of Shawn looking smiling awkwardly at the camera. "Shawn, we _love_ you for your quirks! Why would you want to change that?"

"_My_ vote goes to Staci," Josh said as a close-up of the girl in question appeared next to him, "for putting on that _fake_ baby bump." The photo zoomed out, showing that Staci did indeed appear to be pregnant. "Yet another in a _long_ line of desperate fame grabs," the host said with a disappointed shake of the head.

Blaineley laughed lightly with her hands on her hips. "_Some_ people will do _anything_ for fame," she said. "But it seems like others will do anything to _avoid it_."

xxx

The clip this time showed the camera holder rushing up to Scott as the schemer walked down some sidewalk. A few more arms and microphones and pens could be seen at the edges of the screen, and the sound of heavy footsteps suggested that it was just about a mob of people approaching him.

"Scott! Scott!" one girl said.

"What?!" the farmer answered with a harsh glare. "Don't you people have anything better to do than bother me while I'm out running errands?"

"Ooh, what errands are you running?" the same girl asked.

"Can you sign this piece of wood?" a guy asked, holding up a small log from the left side.

"No!" Scott told them with a sneer. He suddenly looked to the side, and gasped in an exaggerated fashion. "Oh my god, is that _Dawn_ making out with _Samey_ over there?!" he declared, pointing off to the right. The mob that was hounding him immediately ran in that direction, but quickly realized there was nobody there. The camera turned around, and caught Scott running at top speed away from them.

xxx

"But if there's one rule we've discovered at Celebrity Manhunt," Josh said, "it's the harder you run, the _faster_ they chase."

"Soon a bunch of competing websites sprang up," Blaineley said as the screen was taken over by a website showcasing a number of pictures of Scott avoiding the camera, "each trying to keep the elusive Scott on camera the longest, and chronicling his attempts at avoiding them."

"We tracked down _one_ webmaster for this live interview," Josh continued as a familiar-looking silhouette slid into position next to him. "She asked that her identity _not_ be revealed to protect her from the wrath of Scott." Josh waved his hand, and the webmaster's silhouette was replace by a photo of Scott angrily punching a camera.

"So," Blaineley said, "you know _everything_ about everybody from the cast?"

The camera cut to the webmaster, sitting on a chair in total shadow. "_Duh_," she said in an obviously modified voice, "I'm the one that leaked the story about Jo's ingrown toenails."

Despite her attempts at remaining anonymous, it was very blatantly Sierra.

"Would you call yourself a gossip-crazed Scott fan?" Blainelet asked off-camera.

"It's not just Scott," the 'anonymous' young woman answered, "I have websites for _everyone_ from Total Drama."

"Wow," Blaineley said as the shot cut back to the studio, "I'm in the presence of gossip _royalty_."

"That's why it's important to keep my identity a total secret," Sierra said before the lights suddenly turned on, revealing her secret. She looked at the camera, gasped, and tried to cover her face, but her efforts were made in vain when someone else walked onto the interview set.

"Hi Sierra!" Staci greeted with a wave. "I've been looking all over for you! I, like, have this _totally_ awesome scoop about Shawn."

Sierra sighed and hung her head. "For the last time," she hissed at her fellow castmate, looking up at the other girl with a glare, "I don't need your _help_ for this! And not only that," she waved her hands at the camera, "thanks to _you_ I just lost my anonymity!"

"Oh," Staci said blankly before a smile formed on her face again. "Well, like I was saying, Shawn totally told me that he was thinking of taking odd jobs off the internet, yah."

"Yeah," Sierra hissed again, "I've known about that for _weeks_!"

"Hold on," Blaineley interrupted with an amused smile on her face, "Sierra, are you telling me that Staci's been helping you get all the dirt on your Total Drama castmates?"

Sierra pursed her lips and looked away defiantly. "..._No_," she finally said. "I've gotten everything with_out_ her so-called '_help_'."

"So all this time you've been feeding all their secrets to fan sites, some of which you run yourself?" Blaineley followed up. "Your friends will _not_ be happy about that."

Sierra sighed and hung her head. "I know. But I was raised to be a fan, and once I realized I was on the ground level of the next big thing, I just had to get involved! I couldn't help myself!"

"Yah, once you talk to them on the red carpet," Staci told her, "I bet they'll totally understand!"

"Speaking of which, Staci," Blaineley spoke up, "shouldn't you be on your way to the Gemmie Awards?"

Staci blinked, then nodded. "Oh yah, thanks for reminding me! I'll just be on my way then." She pointed behind her with a thumb, took one last look at Sierra's annoyed look, then dashed away.

The scene suddenly cut to a camera feed outside as a few limousines sped past.

"The limos are coming!" Josh announced back in the studio, putting his hands on the sides of his head and yelling "Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my _gosh_!"

"LIMOS!" the two host cheered together, a tune similar to the show's them starting to play as they stood up in their seats.

"Who's up for a celebrity _grudge fest_?" Blaineley asked as the red carpet was shown again, along with the cheering crowd and arriving limos. "Join Josh, me," back in the studio she reached off camera and pulled Sierra into view, "and Total Drama's own Sierra on the crimson carpet."

"Really?" the super-fan asked in disbelief. "I get to be Celebrity Manhunt's red carpet interview diva?!" She enveloped Blaineley in a crushing hug. "That's so cool!" She let the host go, and with an excited cry of "Yahtzee!" she ran off.

"Huh," Josh wondered aloud as he looked around, "where's Staci?"

/

The scene immediately cut to Staci, who was already on the red carpet with a camera on her. "Wow," she gushed in admiration as she looked around, "I've never been on a red carpet before! Ya know, it was actually my great-great-great Uncle Morris who invented the red carpet. Before him, celebrities had to walk on the sidewalk and get their shoes dirty."

"Uh, _thanks_, Staci," Josh said with a forced smile as the camera cut back to him and his cohost. "We'll be right back." As an offhand to Blaineley, he added "Hopefully with some cat fights," he turned to face the camera again as the shot pulled back and he spread his arms, "after _these_ messages!"

(Fade to Commercial and Back)

The episode faded back in to the Celebrity Manhunt studio, the camera zooming in on the hosts just as a white rat scampered across the stage, noticed only by Josh.

"Welcome back to Celebrity Manhunt's Total Drama Red Carpet Reunion Special!" Blaineley greeted.

"This is it, people!" Josh added as the live red carpet feed appeared next to him and enlarged to take over the screen – Sierra was clearly visible standing on the carpet. "_Months_ of Total Drama cast infighting, backstabbing, and break-ups are about to pay off, right here!" Another limousine pulled up and opened its rear driver's side door, just before a cyclist slammed into it. "As our reality stars strut their stuff on the Gemmie Awards red carpet."

"Thanks, Josh," Sierra said as the feed switched to her, a microphone already in her hand. "Sierra here! I've got the carpet totally covered!" She waved her hand, then heard footsteps off to the side. "Oh em gee," she said as the camera panned down the carpet and landed on Sugar in her full singing outfit, "it's craptry star Sugar, aka _Sugar Silo_!" As the gossip-monger spoke, Sugar blew kisses to the crowd and paparazzi.

"You suck!" somebody in the crowd yelled, throwing what looked like a book with her face on the cover at the girl. It hit her in the head and she stumbled backwards, then glared and bent down to pick the book up.

"Ooo~oooh," Sierra squealed, "looks like we have some Sugar Silo fans in the audience today!"

"With the release of her _juicy_ tell all book about the flavor boys," Blaineley said back in the studio as a close-up of the book appeared on-screen, "expect _fireworks_ when her long-time music rivals show up."

"And _here's_ reality's most famous athlete," Sierra said as another limousine pulled up, "Lightning!" The uber-jock got out of his ride and struck a few poses for the cameras as it sped off. He was kissing his biceps as Sierra ran up to him. "Hey Lightning!"

"Sha-hey!" the jock replied with a cocky smile. "Didn't expect _you_ to be givin' Lightning his first red carpet interview. I guess you can count yourself lucky, girl, 'cause this is a sha-moment to remember."

Sierra giggled. "Thanks, I'm really happy to be here for Celebrity Manhunt. But enough about _me_, how are _you_ feeling on your first red carpet appearance?"

"Now you're speakin' Lightning's language," he told her. "And he's gotta say, he's feelin' the most pumped he's been in weeks. It's about _time_ Lightning got recognized as the reality star he is."

"Uhh, you _do_ know the entire cast is up for the award and not just you, right?" Sierra asked.

Lightning gave her an odd look. "Sha-_duh_! But Lightning's the number one reason people watched Total Drama! The rest of you were just _side_ characters."

He walked off with a scowl on his face, leaving Sierra to stare blankly at the camera. A horn honking off-camera was followed by the sound of squealing tires, and moments later a bus baring the smiling faces of DJ and his Momma rolled up to the curb in front of the super-fan-turned-interview-diva.

The camera cut to another angle as Momma, DJ, and surprisingly Sammy stepped off the bus. "I _told_ you we'd be late if we picked up that girlfriend of yours," mother told son before Sierra ran up to them.

"Uhh...DJ!" she asked the gentle giant. "How does it feel to _have_ it all, then _lose_ it?"

"Mmm, no biggie," he answered with a shrug.

"Oh..." Sierra said blankly.

"Ahem," Blaineley interrupted as the scene cut back to the studio, annoyance in her every gesture. "We're here for the _gossip_!" she reminded the girl.

"Okay then," Sierra said as she swiftly turned her attention to the other arrival. "Sammy, level with me. Aside from your sister, who else can't you stand from our castmates?" The cheerleader immediately started looking uncomfortable, as did DJ, while Momma glared at the girl. "Like, who do you just _hate_?"

"Umm..." was all Sammy could say before Momma smacked Sierra on the head with her purse, knocking the super-fan to the ground.

"What's _wrong_ with you girl?" Momma said. "You think my son would have a girlfriend that talked smack behind people's backs?" She grabbed DJ by the jaw and led him away, the gentle giant quickly grabbing his bewildered girlfriend by the hand and dragging her along with them.

The scene receded into the space next to Blaineley again. "Uhhn," the hostess grunted, "is that _Drama Machine_ working yet?" The camera moved over to the broken robot, showing the elderly repairman sitting next to it drinking a cup of coffee. He glared back at the hosts and belched.

Josh briefly glared back, then smiled as the red carpet feed slid into position next to him and an excited jingle played. "The Samkota has arrived! Fresh from their break-up," he began to say before seeing the pair step out of the same limo, hand-in-hand. "Wait, _what_?!"

"Dakota! Sam!" Sierra called out as she met up with the two. They were waving to the crowd and posing for the paparazzi, and had dressed up for the occasion – Dakota in an elegant yet simple pink strapless dress, and Sam in a black tuxedo with red bowtie.

"Oh, hey Sierra!" the gamer greeted.

"Hi! How _are_ you?" the heiress added, giving her season one teammate a quick hug.

"I'm good, but what about _you_?" Sierra said quickly. "I thought you two had broken up!" The couple shared a confused look. "There were pictures of Sam getting kicked to the curb and everything!"

"Oh!" Sam said with sudden comprehension. "Yeah, we never broke up, we just had a little fight a couple weeks ago."

"But we _totally_ worked things out already," Dakota added. "And, like, honestly it was such a _small_ thing anyway."

"Yeah," her boyfriend chuckled, "like we'd break up over something like that!"

"Huh..." Sierra said blankly as the two walked away, still waving at the crowd.

"See," Dakota whispered into Sam's ear once they'd gotten a few feet away, "they made something up _just_ like I said they would." The gamer nodded intently.

The interview diva paused awkwardly for a moment, then lit up when she noticed someone else arriving. "Ohh, I think I see Beth!" The camera cut to the geeky girl in her usual clothes, stepping out of a limousine and waving. "I wonder how our _model_ is doing?"

"Hi!" Beth waved after posing a few times for the cameras.

"You know, since you're kind of a model now I thought you'd be wearing something more fashionable," Sierra said with a frown as she looked over Beth's usual outfit. "What gives?"

Beth snorted out a giggle. "What can I say? This is pretty much my signature outfit now," she motioned to her pink-and-green ensemble, "I practically _gotta_ wear it!"

"I see," Sierra said calmly. "Anyway, how are things with Brady?" she asked next with a smile, briefly looking around. "I don't see him anywhere!"

"Brady couldn't make it," Beth explained. "He had a pretty bad elbow injury at his shoot yesterday," she held up her own elbow. "The doctors said it might even _scar_."

"Wow," Sierra said, "I can't believe I didn't hear about that."

The scene cut back to Blaineley. "You can look into it later," she told Sierra with mild disinterest. "Right now, let's focus on the _real_ gossip. And speaking of!" she suddenly perked up as the live feed slid in next to her again. "The rest of the Total Drama gang are arriving on the red carpet!"

The red carpet feed once more took over as several other castmates were shown arriving one after the other – Jo, Ezekiel, Bridgette, Geoff, Scott, Amy, and Shawn were now on the red carpet alongside Beth, and most of them were waving happily at the cheering crowd.

"I call dibs on the front row seat!" Amy called out suddenly, dashing away from the pack.

"Not on _my_ watch!" Jo countered, running after her.

"_Really_ not liking this big crowd of zombie bait," Shawn said nervously before he left as well. Most of the others followed too, leaving only Ezekiel to dawdle behind.

"Yo yo yo," he said, "the front row is for the _Zeke_." He ran off as well, and the camera quickly zoomed in off his feet as he tripped on a bump in the red carpet. He crashed into Beth, and Sierra winced as they crashed into the others as well.

"Great job, _Zeke_," Scott sneered from the pile of Total Drama castmates.

"Sorry, eh," the homeschooler said before DJ's Momma, who had gotten caught in the mess along with her son and Sammy, smacked the boy. The castmates groaned, and Sierra gave a blank look at the camera.

The scene receded into the space next to Josh, now laughing too much to say anything. The camera panned to Blaineley, who excitedly announced "Sierra! Another limo has just pulled up!"

The live feed resumed as none other than Scarlett stepped out onto the red carpet. Though back in her normal outfit, glasses included, she had kept her hair tied in a low ponytail. Though she was currently talking on a cellphone pressed close to her ear, what stood out the most was the thick metal collar around her neck. "Lactose-free, non-fat, half-caff, cocoa sprinkles..." she said in a rather put-upon tone as she walked up the red carpet without a glance sideways.

Sierra gave the camera an excited grin. "It's Total Drama's own wannabe supervillain, _Scarlett_! So tell me," the super-fan said as the redhead approached, "what've you been up to-"

Scarlett walked past without a single acknowledgment. "But...," Sierra stammered before hanging her head and sighing. "Looks like Scarlett's gotten a super-important job in the 'industry' since she got out on parole," Sierra told the camera. "Nothing says power like a phone and a latte."

"Sierra!" Blaineley said back in the studio, a hint of annoyance in her voice. "You know what would be better than _nothing_? _Something_!"

"Oh," Sierra said with a tinge of annoyance as a dreamy piano tune began to play, "well, I have _Drama to Drama_ here." She made a halfhearted motion at the four boys that were now standing by her, Topher noticeably scowling at his long-time foe.

Back in the studio, Blaineley sighed in exasperation. "Let me guess. They're reunited, and are re-releasing their last hit single."

The piano music stopped playing as the camera zoomed in on Alejandro. "Well, _something_ like that..." he admitted.

"Don't worry, though," Topher added, leaning towards the camera. "We've got more hits on the way!"

The live feed once more took over the scene as several voices could be heard screaming happily from the crowd. "It seems our fans are quite pleased," Alejandro said with a confident smile.

Beardo quickly beatboxed a little, and ended with a singsong "Fans~!" that brought about a second wave of happy screams. One person in particular pushed to the forefront of the crowd – the same princess-looking young woman in pink that had sparked the fight between Drama to Drama and Sugar Silo some time ago.

"On this wonderful night, the red carpet unfurled," she sang, "the band has returned to the rock and roll world!"

The five Total Drama castmates looked taken aback, but Alejandro quickly stepped forward and took the girl by the hand and bowed. "My, you have _quite_ a lovely singing voice," he told her with a charming smile that made her blush.

"Oh, why thank you!" she said. She curtsied, then added "I do apologize for the intrusion, though. I was simply overcome with joy at the announcement, and I just _had_ to sing!"

"Hey hey," Topher said, "no problem! It's refreshing to see _somebody_ happy that the boys are back together." As he spoke, he shot a pointed glare at Sierra which was returned with equal force.

"Ooh, I wonder if Sugar's still around?" Sierra wondered aloud with a devilish look. "She should hear this too!"

"Is she?" the princess-girl perked up. "I do want to apologize to all of you for what happened at the music store. I never meant to cause you to fight! I felt just _awful_ when I heard about it."

"It's water under the bridge," Alejandro told her. "I assure you, Miss...," he paused, giving her an inquisitive look.

"Ella," the girl said with another curtsy.

"_Charmed_," Alejandro said with another bow. "As I was saying, my bandmates and I realize you meant no harm. We'll make sure to make up with Sugar as well."

"Oh, it's so good to hear that from you," Ella said with another blush. "I hope you all win your award!"

"Thanks!" Alejandro said before he, Topher, Beardo, and B continued along the red carpet.

Ella faded back into the crowd, and the camera moved back to Sierra. She cleared her throat, then said "The Gemmies are about to start, and _I'm_ heading inside with my friends!" She pointed at herself with her thumb, then turned to head up the red carpet.

/

The scene skipped ahead to the entire Total Drama cast that had arrived walking up the red carpet towards the building's entrance. The camera panned ahead of them, showing none other than Chef Hatchet leaning against the doorway in his tux. "Famous people only!" he told them, holding out a hand to stop the group.

"Seriously?" Alejandro asked at the head of the group as the those around him gasped and made similar sounds of confusion.

"And as of about five _seconds_ ago," Chef added with a look at his wristwatch, "that excludes _you,_" he pointed at the teens.

"Who died and made _you_ doorman?" Jo asked in annoyance.

"I did!" Chris McLean said as he walked out.

"Oh man, you'd better not be a _zombie_!" Shawn said anxiously.

"Scarlett! Coffee!" the host demanded. With a grumble the villainess walked forward with a paper cup and a bag in her hands. She handed over the cup, and Chris asked "Is that my muffin?"

"Hold on," Alejandro said with a smile, "_you're_ Chris' _assistant_?"

Scott laughed, and Jo added "You have to kiss McLean's _butt_? Looks like you got what you deserve!"

"It was the terms of my parole," Scarlett grumbled. "You honestly think I'd be degrading myself like this out of _choice_?"

Her eyes went wide as the metal collar around her neck crackled with electricity, and moments later she was electrocuted. It only lasted a second, and the camera panned to a frowning Chris McLean holding out a small remote. "Yeah, I don't appreciate that _tone_."

The man and his sizzling assistant were distracted by the sound of squealing tires, and the camera cut to a frontal view of a limousine pulling up. "Bros!" Chris greeted with a smile as several car doors were heard slamming. The Total Drama cast shot worried looks behind them.

The group that was walking up the red carpet now was a motley assortment of mostly familiar faces – a scruffy white guy that looked like he might've been a TDA crew member was on rollerblades at the front of the pack. He was followed by a skateboarding Sasquatchanakwa, the psycho killer with the chainsaw and a hook, a bear on a unicycle, and a diminutive parka-wearing Inuit pushing himself along on a toboggan. All five were wearing various protective gear, mostly helmets and elbowpads.

"Come on in, my peeps!" Chris greeted as the five oddities moved past him and into the award building.

"Hold up," Lightning interrupted, "how are _they_ sha-famous?"

"They're the stars of my new reality show," Chris explained as dramatic music rapidly built up, "Total! Drama! _XTREME_!" A short but radical guitar riff played.

"Huh?" the cast asked.

"A bunch of fools compete in a series of extremely dangerous extreme sports challenges and try not to get killed," Scarlett explained in a dry tone, still slightly singed.

"Extreme sports?!" Lightning exclaimed. "How come Lightning ain't on that show, its got his name written all over it!"

"These guys are up-and-coming," Chris explained. "Not down-and-going, i.e., _you_ losers."

"Excuse me!" an unfamiliar voice said from beyond the cast. They murmured in confusion, and the voice said "Comin' through!" Someone new pushed through the cast, or tried to at least – he was a white teenager, square-jawed and with brown hair past his ears. He wore an all-red tracksuit with matching red sweatband, and he somehow tripped within the crowd of Total Drama cast members. Alejandro, Shawn, and Staci were all knocked over along with the boy, who quickly picked himself back up. "Oh, sorry about that," he told them with a frown before he jogged the rest of the way towards Chris.

Or tried to, at least. He tripped again almost immediately and was sent rolling forwards; almost impossibly, he seemed to hit a bump in the carpet that launched him up into the overhang above Chris and Chef. The two men watched him hit the overhang, then crash down in front of them with grins on their faces.

"This is Tyler, my newest star," Chris said, wiping a tear away from his eye and laughing a little. "He _really_ cracks me up."

Tyler groaned in pain, but quickly got back on his feet. "Great to be here!" he said with surprising enthusiasm, attempting to high five the host but missing, the momentum causing him to stumble forward into the building.

Chris laughed again, then took a sip of his coffee. He immediately spit it into Scarlett's face. "Euugh, this latte's _cold_!" he yelled in disgust. He quickly took out the small remote and pressed its button, shocking Scarlett again – this time, for long enough to cause the girl to collapse.

"Well guys," he told the rest of the cast with a smile, "I'd say later, but, uh, there isn't gonna _be_ a later! Sooo...," he backed up into the open door, then slammed it in their faces.

Everyone gasped. The group was shown from behind, now the only people left outside the building. The searchlights that flanked the entrance shut off, and crickets chirped as a tumbleweed rolled down the empty street. The cricket was shown in close-up, and it was promptly stomped on by Scott.

"Aww, n-now why'd you go and do that for, man?" DJ asked in outrage.

"Hey guys," Sierra spoke up, "we have to find a way inside!"

"How," Topher asked in disbelief, "by climbing in through an air vent on the roof like some kind of _spy movie_?"

"It was just a suggestion," Sierra snipped with her hands on her hips. "But I guess you _want_ Chris to just abandon us."

"Hey, I said no such thing and you know it!" Topher gasped.

Sammy sighed. "I wish Dawn had showed up. I bet _she'd_ know what to do."

"Hey, now," DJ but a reassuring hand on his girlfriend's shoulder, "she probably just couldn't make it. She's not really the award show type."

"I guess...," Sammy said sadly.

The cast was distracted by a lyrical humming from behind them, and looked over to see Ella slowly dancing towards them with her eyes closed.

"What're _you_ doin' here?" Sugar asked gruffly.

Ella stopped, opened her eyes, and blinked. "Oh!" she said in realization. "Sorry. It's just that my ride hasn't come yet," she pointed back over her shoulder, "so I decided to come back here and watch the Gemmies while I waited." She paused and looked at the cast blankly, and they largely returned the gesture. "So...may I ask what's going on? I thought you'd all be inside by now."

"So did we," Bridgette answered, "but _Chris_ decided to lock us out." She glared back at the doorway as she said the host's name.

"Oh my," Ella said with visible concern, even drawing her arms closer to her body, "that's _awful_!"

"Tell me about it!" Dakota chimed in. "This is _so_ rude. I'm calling Daddy," she took a cellphone out of her purse, "_he'll_ sort this out."

"Hey guys!" Shawn announced, looking up at a monitor above the store. "I think it's starting!"

The shot focused in on the monitor as it played a theme reminiscent of the Gild Chris Ceremony from Total Drama Action, and a curtain raised on a podium bearing a diamond sigil.

"Perhaps if we win Best Reality Ensemble," Alejandro suggested, "we'll be famous again!"

/

The footage faded forward, showing most of the Total Drama cast (plus Ella) seated on the red carpet watching the awards. Only Sierra and Staci were still standing. "Playing a talking car was a real challenge," a deep male voice said, "thank you." The audience at the Gemmies applauded.

"Oh yah, he was really great in that show," Staci commented. "Y'know, my uncle Steve was totally the one who did all the car's stunts." Nobody gave a sign of responding.

"Urrnh, I can't believe Daddy's in a _meeting_ right now..." Dakota pouted.

/

Another fade forward, and now nearly everyone was laying tired in a heap on the red carpet. Sierra and Staci were still standing and Ella was still sitting up, and all three girls were watching enthusiastically.

"Next up," the voice of Tyler came through the monitor, "Best Reality Ensemble."

"This is it, amigos!" Alejandro said as he stood back up.

"Envelope please!" Tyler asked as a drumroll began, and the others stood up as well – Shawn and Sugar; Topher and B and Beardo; Geoff and Bridgette; Sam and Dakota and Lightning behind them. "And the winner is..." Tyler paused, and was shown starting to open the envelope.

The cast gasped expectantly, but Tyler was having extended difficulty opening the results. "How hard is it to open an _envelope_?!" Alejandro exclaimed in disbelief.

Tyler finally managed to open it, and declared "Golden Oldies in Their Undies!" The audience applauded, and the theme tune played again as the Total Drama cast and Ella looked on blankly.

"Oh," the princess finally said with a smile, "well, good for them!"

"Not for us!" Jo retorted. "We just lost to a bunch of _seniors_!"

Scott snorted. "Whatever. Who needs fame anyway? It's just a pain in the butt if you ask me."

"Umm, _hello_?" Dakota shot at him. "Some of us _want_ to be famous."

"Man, 'Oldies in Their Undies' was like the only show me and Staci _weren't_ nominated for," Shawn said in annoyance.

"Uhh, guys?" Sierra spoke up, pointing back up at the monitor.

"And the Gemmie for Best Reality Show Host goes to," a man announced on-screen, "once again, Chris McLean!" The theme song played and the audience clapped, and the Total Drama cast groaned and griped in frustration.

"Wow, hey, uh, thanks, _again_" Chris could be heard laughing as the castmates leaned forward in anger. "Uh, but I couldn't have done it without a _great_ bunch of people from Total Drama Action."

"Oooh!" Sierra said, leaning forward in excitement as the scowls faded from her friend's faces.

"The interns," he began to list as a victorious song began to play and Topher and B leaned towards the camera expectantly, "uh, the caterers," Beth and Ezekiel leaned forward next, "the camera crew," DJ and Sammy followed, "and the _real_ stars of the show," Alejandro and Jo and Shawn and even Scarlett leaned forward with grins on their faces, "my _stylists_!"

The music scratched to a halt, and everyone's faces fell back into scowls.

"Once again," Scarlett grumbled, "expecting the barest amount of respect from that man has proven _pointless_."

"Is anyone _else_ bothered that Scarlett's here?" Shawn asked, looking around and receiving vague looks and shrugs from his peers.

"Tomorrow," Chris continued on-screen, "I'll introduce the cast of my _new_ reality series, Total Drama _Xtreme_!" A radical guitar riff played, and the host finished in a sly voice. "On the _Orpah_ _Show_..." Nobody looked happy at the announcement, not even Ella.

"Dudes, you heard the guy," Geoff said, "we're _nobodies_ again."

"Speak for yourself," Dakota said, "I still have a _spin-off_ being filmed."

Amy sniffed in contempt. "For _now_."

"Well, my gaming channel's a sure thing at least," Sam said with a glare at the mean twin while he put an arm around his girlfriend's waist.

"Good thing we still got our music career, guys," Beardo said to his bandmates.

Alejandro sighed sadly. "I fear that won't be enough. We were only really popular the first time around because everyone knew us from Total Drama."

"That's fer sure!" Sugar chimed in.

"Well...I guess this is it then," Bridgette said uncertainly.

And with a murmur of disappointment and frustration, the cast of Total Drama began to disperse from the red carpet. Only Sierra stayed behind along with Ella, the lone person present who wasn't associated with the show.

"What's the _matter_ with you?" Sierra declared. "No one deserves to be more famous us than you-I mean _us_! We _can't_ just give up! Do you have any idea how many _millions_ of fans there are out there?" her words got Beth and Shawn and Lightning to stop in their tracks.

"Oh yes," Ella chimed in, "we've been watching and blogging and _singing_ along with you all this time!"

"There are _fan sites_ for each and every one of us!" Sierra continued with a nod. "They know _everything_ about us! And they are _rooting_ for us!" Dakota and Sam were shown looking skeptical for a moment before sharing a small smile. "They know your eating habits," Scott was looking suddenly uncomfortable, "your fears, your _dental records_!" Sierra said the last two words with an unexpected ferocity that widened a few eyes.

"Yeah, because of _you_," Topher said under his breath.

"We can't let 'em down _now_!" Sierra said. "What do you say?"

"And what exactly do you expect us to _do_?" Scott asked with a sneer.

"I say," the interview diva said as her castmates walked back towards her, "we _beat_ those other guys to Orpah's studio, hijack the interview, and voila! We're _all_ famous again!"

"But she's in _New York_!" Alejandro said. "How are we supposed to get there by tomorrow afternoon?"

"Why, _anything_ is possible through the power of song!" Ella declared, striking an elegant dancer's pose then clearing her throat.

"Ohhh~ohoh," she opened slowly as a rock ballad began to play in the background, "Though times may seem dire, grasp your heart's desire, and bring it to fore in your mind." She closed her eyes and began to dance as she sang, earning surprised looks from those around her.

"For it will help lead you, down roads and through streets you'll, soon find the ideas have come!" Bridgette and Geoff smiled at each other, Ezekiel grinned, and B smirked as the tempo of the background music increased.

"So _go_!" Ella cheered the next line. "Go _fast_! As fast as the four winds can carry! Run, drive, or fly 'til you pass X-treme by; your _dreams_ lead you all of the way!" The camera pulled back to show most of the cast smiling at Ella's performance.

She slowed down slightly, but sang even louder. "My friends that can hear us, content to just cheer us, time to shine in this hour most critical!" She spread her arms and looked up at the sky. "Please help them to go off to The Orpah Show...," she slowed down even more, briefly looking down before clasping her hands together and looking up again, "Won't someone...," she sang softly, "...just give them a miracle?"

The Total Drama cast, save Amy, Scott, and Sugar, began to applaud. Some only did so politely, but most seemed to have genuinely enjoyed the song.

"Pfft, wasn't _that_ good," Sugar scoffed.

A sudden honk got the group's attention, as did a call of "Hey guys!" The cast and the camera turned and saw Momma DJ's tour bus idling at the end of the red carpet, the gentle giant hanging out the door and helping his girlfriend up. "So are you gonna get on the bus or not?"

Everyone left on the carpet cheered, and the shot cut back to the bus as Momma poked her head out. "Wipe your feet first!' she commanded, earning a mass groan from the teens.

"Isn't this grand? You'll be famous again!" Ella told them, and they cheered again.

"Right after this," Sierra said with a smile at the camera, still holding her Celebrity Manhunt microphone. A few mixed cheers and groans came from off-camera.

(Fade to Commercial and Back)

The tail end of Celebrity Manhunt's intro sequence played, consisting of nothing more than the magnifying glass appearing on the yellow background, and a star and footprints appearing in its lens.

"Breaking gossip news, everyone!" Josh announced excitedly, a sheet of paper in his hand.

"_This_," Blaineley added before a different animated sequence took over the screen, "is Total Drama Comeback!" One by one, the letters T D and C appeared, each looking as though it had sustained injuries – the T even had a crutch, though it and the letter itself were knocked over when the C slid into position.

The scene cut to an overhead view of a helicopter flying along a desert road, and based on the sun the next day had arrived.

"They have one dream," Chris McLean was heard saying. "To claw their way back to _fame_ no matter what it takes!" A bus drove onto screen down below. "Cheating! Shameless self-promotion! _Sabotage_! I love those kids!"

The feed cut to Chef Hatchet inside the helicopter. "You said they were washed up," he told the man next to him, who was wearing sunglasses in addition to the headsets both men had.

"That was _before_ they set off on an unforgettable comeback adventure!" Chris sniffed and wiped his nose.

"We have a feed from inside DJ's bus!" Blaineley announced with her hand to her ear.

xxx

A brief bit of static transitioned the scene to the feed inside the bus, focusing on Sierra as she sat next to a sleeping Staci. "I _told_ you we were still gossip worthy!" Sierra said, the camera panning back through the rows behind her showing Sammy and DJ resting their heads against one another; Beth snoring and Beardo sleep-boxing; Ezekiel seated with a vacant and slack-jawed expression and Scott slumping forward with a tired and annoyed grunt as he rested his head against the seat in front of him.

The camera cut to the front of the bus, where Alejandro was at the wheel.

"Move over and let _me_ drive!" Jo demanded, the shot pulling back to show her standing behind the driver's seat. Ella was happily humming in the seat next to her, while Scarlett and Lightning were lounging about in the aisle.

"Are you _kidding_?" Alejandro retorted. "I've _seen_ the videos of your trip, your driving is _atrocious_."

Jo gave him an indignant look. "It's true," Scarlett told her bluntly. "Based on the available evidence, I'm genuinely surprised you were able to pass driver's ed."

"Well who asked _you_?" the jock-ette asked. "And why are you even with us?"

"The collar forces me to come within a certain distance of Chris every day or I'll be _incapacitated_," the evil genius explained bitterly, tapping the ring of metal around her neck.

The camera cut to Beth, who had awoken and was now looking quite green. "Oh no," she moaned while putting her hands on her stomach, "I think I'm gonna be," she paused to stop herself from puking, "_bus sick_!" She slid down a little in her seat.

"Don't you get sick all over my new _upholstery_ now!" Momma told the girl. She was seated at a table booth on the other side of the bus, with Geoff and Bridgette on one side and Sam and Dakota on the other.

"Huhuhuh," Sam chuckled as Dakota quietly took a sip from a glass of water and put it down on the tablecloth.

"Put a coaster under that, girl!" Momma scolded, causing the heiress to give her an uncertain look before pulling out a coaster. She put the glass on it, but a sudden bump caused it to tip over.

"Oops!" Dakota said with a shrug as Momma scowled.

The older woman then sniffed the air and raised a brow in confusion. "_What_ is _that_?" she asked as grunting began to be heard off-camera.

The shot moved to Sugar as she struggled to jam what looked like several bags of popcorn into an overhead compartment above the seat she shared with Amy, which was behind Scott and Ezekiel. "Just tryin' to get my snacks secured!" the pageant queen said with a grunt. "Don't want it ruinin' the bus, y'know." Another bump was hit, causing the compartment to open back up and popcorn to pour out. "_Crud_!" Sugar exclaimed with a disappointed look at her spilled food.

"What, my food not good enough?" Momma asked in outrage.

Sugar pursed her lips. "Well, I wasn't just gonna leave my _Gemmie food_ on the red carpet!"

"Hey! Guys!" Bridgette said, getting everyone's attention. She was shown sticking her head out the window from the outside of the bus, and said "There's the Xtreme bus, up ahead!" A few dramatic notes played as the tour bus was shown from the front, and the camera pulled back to show a second, darker bus on the road ahead of it. Through its windshield, Tyler was shown driving cautiously.

"We gotta find a way to slow them down!" Topher declared from further back in the bus.

"Get closer!" Scarlett commanded at the front of the bus.

"And _then_ what?" Alejandro asked indignantly.

"Then we _ram_ them off the _road_!" the brainiac answered.

"Sha-_do it_, dude!" Lightning added, enthusiastically pointing towards the bus ahead of them.

Alejandro narrowed his eyes and stepped on the gas, and as the tour bus tires squealed and sped up a dramatic melody began to play. Their bus rammed into the Xtreme cast's ride, jolting Tyler. With a determined look on his face, Alejandro maneuvered the tour bus ahead of their rivals.

"Why didn't you ram them _more_?" Scarlett asked angrily.

"Excuse me for not wanting to destroy our _own_ ride!" Alejandro replied.

"Oh my," Ella spoke up with concern in her voice, "I hope you aren't trying to _hurt_ those people on the other bus!"

"This don't _concern_ you, girl," Lightning told her. "Lightning doesn't even know how you _got_ on this bus!"

"I'm not sure myself," Ella told him, "it all happened so suddenly!"

"Pardon me," Alejandro spoke up, "but could somebody _please_ go make sure the other bus doesn't catch up again? I'd rather _keep_ our lead."

"Sha-_done_!" Lightning said before rushing back down the aisle. "Alright sha-peeps, it's time to get your fight on! Any ideas?"

"I have one!" Scott said with a devious smirk, getting up out of his seat. He quickly opened up the compartment over Sugar and Amy, and started picking up bags of popcorn.

"Hey!" the pageant queen said indignantly. "Who said you could have those!"

"Desperate times call for desperate measures," the farmer explained, "now help me chuck this at the other bus!" He thrust the popcorn he'd gathered into her arms. She looked at it blankly, then shrugged.

The camera flashed to the exterior of the back of the tour bus as a door was kicked open by Scott. "Get ready to launch!" he hollered back into the bus.

The shot cut back inside where Lightning was holding back a pink bra with the cups stuffed with popcorn. "You'd better give that back when you're done with it," Sugar said.

"Don't even _think_ of getting that fake butter on my nice clean floors!" Momma told the group, standing up angrily from her seat at the table.

"No time to think about that," Lightning told her. "Sha-fire in the hole!" He grinned as he made the announcement, and let go of the bra. It fired forward like a slingshot, and Scott was forced to quickly duck as popcorn hurtled over him and out the back door.

Tyler was shown through the other bus' windshield again, gasping in shock as the glass was suddenly covered with buttery popcorn.

The view from above was shown as the helicopter made a pass over the road, Chris laughing at the sight below. "Looks like our Total Drama heroes are launching extra-greasy _cannonballs_!" he announced into his headset with visible excitement.

"Chris," Blaineley asked back in the Celebrity Manhunt studio, "in your entire career, have you ever seen anything so underhanded?"

"Nothing as depraved as this, Blaineley," Chris said as he began to tear up, "_nothing_ as depraved as this!" He paused to lift his shades, and wiped the tears away from his eyes.

Sugar was shown reluctantly loading another shot into her re-purposed bra as Lightning pulled it back. "Pop this!" the jock declared as the others watched on in excitement.

"_Fire_!" Scott commanded from the doorway, and seconds later another barrage of popcorn flew out the back.

It hit its target again, and the Xtreme bus' windshield wipers were turned on to clear a space for Tyler to see. "What's your _problem_?!" he yelled in alarm.

"_You_!" Scott replied with a snide laugh. "Try messing with some _other_ reality show cast next time!"

Tyler was shown furrowing his brow, and the camera panned to the left as the sasquatch leaned out of the Xtreme bus, roared and shook and angry fist. It was promptly shot with the next load of popcorn and blinked in surprise.

"Seriously, what's their _deal_," Tyler muttered as the camera panned back to him. "I woulda let 'em _pass_ if they'd just asked me." Another volley of popcorn covered his windshield, and he groaned. His bus suddenly hit a bump, and through the windshield wipers Tyler could be shown struggling to control the steering wheel.

The shot cut back inside the tour bus. "Well, looks like _that's_ over with," Shawn said as he looked out a window. "The other bus is _way_ behind us!" A triumphant tune played as the camera panned up the bus, showing most of the contestants celebrating their perceived victory.

"Then I take it we'll have smooth sailing ahead of us all the way to New York," Alejandro said confidently.

"Good!" Momma said belligerently. "Now clean up the mess you made!"

"I wonder what'll happen to the Xtreme guys?" Sammy asked with a look backwards.

"Probably just be a little late to their interview," DJ told her.

/

The scene flashed to inside the other bus as Tyler struggled to drive it even with the popcorn mostly cleared away. As it shook and rattled, the scruffy white guy seen as part of the Total Drama Xtreme cast stumbled up to the front of the bus. "Hey kid," he asked gruffly, "what's goin' on up here?"

"I don't know!" Tyler answered desperately. "I think we got off the road somehow!"

"Well then get us back _on_ it!" the scruffy guy demanded before another bump caused him to fall over on his back.

A dramatic score began again as the camera moved to an aerial view of a helicopter's shadow over the black bus, which was now veering off the road. "Maybe having Tyler drive was a _bad_ idea," Chris said idly before the camera panned ahead and revealed that the runaway bus was headed straight for a canyon. "Also, that's not good."

Down below, the sasquatch stuck its head out of the window again and immediately began to scream in terror. Inside, the psycho killer with the chainsaw and a hook was now at the front as well. "Hit the brakes already!" he yelled in fear. "We're gonna crash!"

"I'm _trying_!" Tyler told him, and a shot of him frantically pumping the brakes was shown. The music picked up as the bus was shown careening towards the edge of the canyon cliff again, Blaineley and Josh were shown wide-eyed and eating popcorn back in their studio, and a shot through the windshield showed all six members of the Total Drama Xtreme cast screaming in terror at the front of the bus.

From above, the bus was shown driving off the cliff. The camera cut back to Chris and Chef as they winced at the sound of a crash, then shared a brief look. "Total Drama, Inc. waives _all_ legal responsibility for the sudden death of their cast and crew!" the host told the camera, holding up a large stack of papers.

"Told you those would come in handy!" Chef said with a cackle before becoming serious again. "But what are you gonna do about the Xtreme guys?"

Chris shrugged. "Ehh, they were pretty much expendable. We can circle back and see if anyone survived later. Right now, I wanna follow those kids and make sure they're headed in the right direction."

"You gonna tell 'em yet?" Chef asked with a smirk.

The host tapped his stubbly chin in thought for a moment, then grinned. "_Nah_! I still wanna mess with 'em a little more." Chef cackled his agreement, and the helicopter was shown speeding forward. The camera panned ahead to DJ's tour bus.

Momma was shown watching sternly over Scott and Sugar and Lightning as they grudgingly cleaned the popcorn and grease off the floor, and the shot panned forward along the aisle to show most of the campers in their seats. Only Scarlett remained standing near Alejandro, though Jo and Ella were still in the seats right behind him.

"Isn't this exciting?" Ella said. "Now you'll be able to make it to the Oprah Show first and reclaim your fame!"

"I wouldn't count on it," Jo told her.

"Agreed," Alejandro chimed in. "With Chris McLean, there is _always_ a catch."

The camera cut back to Bridgette and Geoff listening in from the table booth. "Hey Sierra," the surfer asked the girl sitting across the aisle, "what do you think? Is Chris gonna try something?"

Sierra snorted. "Well _duh_. I mean, this whole thing has 'set-up' written all over it. He's probably-"

"-following us in his helicopter and watching our every move!" Topher interrupted, sliding into view from the left and pointing out the window behind Sierra and Staci. The girls turned their heads, and the camera moved outside the bus to show the helicopter descending to just above the bus' level on its left.

"Attention washed-up _losers_!" Chris announced through a megaphone. "You may have temporarily beaten my new cast, but you're gonna have to try harder than _that_ if you wanna stop my interview!"

Chef had to quickly gain some altitude as the tour bus suddenly swerved in an attempt at ramming the helicopter.

"Don't _do_ that!" Alejandro yelled at Scarlett, pushing her away from the wheel. "I'm trying to drive here!" The evil girl just sniffed in disdain.

"So how _exactly_ are we supposed to beat him to New York?" Shawn asked, alone in his row of seats. "He can _fly_!" B looked back from the row ahead of him and shrugged.

"We're just gonna have to try to follow him," Alejandro called from the driver's seat. "Perhaps we'll have an opportunity to do something later..."

/

The camera panned up to the high desert sun, then panned back down onto the wreckage of the Total Drama Xtreme bus. The front end was crumpled, and it was now lying upside down, but somehow all six of its occupants had gotten out safely.

"Wow, I can't believe we didn't _die_," Tyler said to the others, who were standing together a little ways away from him.

"That's the biz for ya, kid," the scruffy white guy said. "And I don't know about the rest of you, but I ain't about to stand around out here in the desert."

"Hold on," Tyler spoke up as the older man turned to leave, "shouldn't we all wait here for when Chris comes back to pick us up?"

The scruffy guy snorted in contempt. "Screw that. I'm not waitin' for Mr. McLean to get off his lazy butt and remember us. Feel free to wait here if you want kid, but _I'm_ gonna go find a burger joint. Whaddaya say boys," he asked the others, "you with me?"

The bear, the sasquatch, the small Inuit man, and the psycho killer with the chainsaw and a hook looked at each other and murmured in agreement. The five then walked away, leaving Tyler alone to sit on a rock next to the wrecked bus.

The camera panned up through the high rock walls of the canyon to the sun, which moved across the sky as the footage skipped ahead a few hours. The shot panned back down to Tyler, still sitting glumly on the rock.

"I wonder if those guys found any help yet..." he wondered aloud.

/

The scene cut over to a lone white two-story house in the middle of nowhere, the only sign of nearby civilization being the power line leading into it.

"Hey yo! Open up! We're _starvin_' out here!" the scruffy white guy was heard yelling, followed first by a few quick knocks and then by a revving chainsaw. The camera cut to a view of the door from inside the house, the standard international radioactive trefoil symbol plastered all over the walls. A roaring chainsaw cut through the door and it fell over, and the psycho killer stepped aside to let the scruffy guy in. "Yo, what's the matter with you dummies? Didn't you hear us?"

The shot pulled back to show a pair of crash test dummies set up in the house's front room. "Um, I think those _are_ dummies," the hook-handed killer said.

"Oh yeah," the scruffy guy said blankly. "Wait a minute..."

"Mmm," the killer nodded, "this sure is bad. Isolated location," he looked around, "dummies, nuclear testing signs," the trefoil symbols were shown again, "horrible mutants..."

The camera panned down and over to a pair of mutant humans. On the left was a masculine with green skin, five nipples, three eyes, and a potbelly. On his right was a fatter and more feminine one with slimy-looking yellow skin, beady eyes, and a single nostril in her nose.

The masculine one raised a three-fingered hand and said "Hi!"

"...I know _I_ wouldn't wanna be here right now," the serial killer told his companion.

The camera immediately cut back to the distance shot of the house as the five starting running away from it, screaming at the top of their lungs. Zooming out, several ominous warning signs were shown amidst rocks and barbed wire just as a telltale whistling sound was heard.

A bomb was dropped on the house, and it exploded into a mushroom cloud.

/

The scene cut back to a close-up of Tyler's stomach as it began to growl. "Guess I'd better go find something to eat," he said as the camera zoomed out and he stood up. The footage skipped ahead to show him walking through the rocks and stopping at a bush. He bent down to get a closer look, but as the camera cut to a close-up the leaves he was holding crumbled into dust.

"Aww, nuts!" he said, snapping his finger. He turned around, and immediately noticed the shadow of a person on him. "Who's there?" he called out, shielding the sun from his eyes as he looked up. The camera cut to his point-of-view, and soon landed upon a familiar silhouette sitting on top a rock formation in lotus position.

"Hold on...," Tyler said slowly, narrowing his eyes at the figure. "Aren't you that girl from Total Drama? The one who, like, reads palms and stuff?"

The camera cut back to what was now clearly visible as Dawn. She opened her eyes and looked down at the boy, and calmly stated "Yes."

"Oh." Tyler paused a moment. "Uh, why aren't you on the bus with the other guys?"

Dawn started examining a loose thread in her sleeve. "I...wasn't ready to face them yet." She sighed, then looked back up at the clumsy jock. "But now, it seems, the Universe has decided to force the issue."

"Huh? What are you-" Tyler began to ask before the sound of a helicopter alerted him. He looked up, and the camera panned to show Chris and Chef flying over the canyon. "Aww man, we gotta go!"

The scene flashed ahead to Tyler and Dawn running up to the wreckage of the Total Drama Xtreme bus, and a triumphant theme began to play. "It's about time!" Chris yelled down at them. "You two better get on the bus before I leave you here!" The two teens complied; the jock scrambling but the mystic remaining calm. The helicopter dropped a large electromagnet onto the overturned vehicle, then took off carrying it.

/

The music continued as the footage flashed over to the Total Drama Action film lot, then zoomed in on the craft services tent. The camera cut inside just as Chris led Tyler and Dawn into the tent, and a panning shot showed the rest of the cast – as well as Ella and DJ's Momma – sitting at the two long tables. They were divided roughly according to the season one teams, with Ella on an end next to Alejandro and Momma standing behind her son.

"It's about time you got back here!" Jo yelled at the host.

"Yeah," Amy added, "why did you even lead us here anyway?"

"Wait, Dawn?" Sammy said, standing up in her seat along with DJ. "Is that you?"

"Where've you been?" the gentle giant added, but their friend merely averted her gaze in shame.

"Never mind that now," Chris told the room as the triumphant music finally faded out. "I have an announcement to make, buuuut...," he narrowed his eyes and scratched his chin, "I'm gonna have to cut you guys down a bit first. Let's see...Beardo, come stand over here with Dawn and Tyler." The hairy boy shared a confused look with Beth, then got up and joined the clumsy jock and the long-lost mystic. "The rest of you," Chris told the remainder, "go line up against the wall." The lone adult in the bunch raised an eyebrow. "Err, not you Momma DJ, you can come over here."

Momma nodded, and the footage flashed forward slightly to show everyone in position. "Okay Chef!" Chris called back over his shoulder with a grin. "You know what to do!"

The hulking man stepped into the tent with a dark grin and the large eight-barreled minigun-like paintball weapon he'd used way back in the alien movie challenge. He tied a blindfold over his eyes and cocked the gun, then the perspective shifted to a down-the-barrel view of the campers as they began to panic at the sight of the weapon. "Don't move a _muscle_," Chef said darkly before opening fire with a cackle.

The castmates getting shot at were not shown, but their yelps and cries of anger and pain and fear were heard over shots of a grinning Chris McLean; the variously disturbed trio of Tyler, Beardo, and Dawn; and Momma DJ shaking her head and tutting in disappointment.

It was over in mere seconds, though the carnage was not shown. "Now for my announcement," Chris said with a grin. "We all know nobody does drama like you guys, but I needed to find out if you kids still had it. So, I staged this _whole_ thing as a test."

"Uh, what do you mean?" Tyler asked from the sidelines.

"I _mean_ you were a dupe," Chris explained. "The whole 'Total Drama Xtreme' thing was just a fake, and I needed a guy on the inside to make it more believable. But to make it up to you, I'm gonna allow you to compete in the next season." Tyler's brow shot up, as did Beardo's. "Joining you will be Beardo and Dawn, who got cheated out of _last_ season," he shot a narrow glance aside and grumbled, "thanks a _lot_, Scarlett," then put on a sly demeanor and faced the unseen contestants. "Aaaaaannd those of you who were lucky enough just now to get hit by the green paint. And those contestants _are_!"

Victorious music began to play again as the camera angle finally changed, and the shot panned across the lined-up campers. "Lightning!" The furthest on the left and with a blotch of green on his jersey, the uber-jock grinned. Next to him, the paint-free Jo crossed her arms and scowled as the camera kept moving. "Sierra! Ezekiel! Bridgette! Geoff!" The next four were all in a row; Sierra grinned with a paint-speckled face while Ezekiel frowned at the paint on his gold necklace; the lovers smiled at the patch of green paint that had hit their arms when they'd been touching.

The camera passed over a scowling Amy, "Shawn!", and onto a slightly puzzled conspiracy theorist as he picked at the green paint on his orange vest. B and Beth were next in line, but they had to comfort each other in their lack of visible green. "Staci!" The chatterbox blinked and smiled through a paint-covered face. Next to her, Sam hung his head in disappointment while Dakota, also clean, filed her nails and looked around uncertainly.

"Samey! DJ! Scott! Sugar!" The next four were, once again, all in a row. Cheerleader and gentle giant shared an excited embrace and in doing so got even more paint on their clothes; Scott rubbed his hand together and grinned, green visible on his chest and shoulder; and the pageant queen scowled as she tried to rub the green out of her clothes.

Topher was next, but he too hung his head in disappointment. His most handsome bandmate, who'd been hit in the chest, put a consoling hand on his shoulder just as the host called out "Alejandro!" Ella was next, and was looking at her paint-splattered dress in awe. Chris seemed to falter for a moment. "...no idea who _you_ are," he said, "but what the hey? You're in too! So is _Scarlett_, surprisingly." The camera panned to the evil genius on the far right end, who put on a haughty smile as she took off her paint-covered glasses.

"Congratulations, all of you!" Chris said as the camera cut back to him. "You've just earned a spot in a no-holds-barred race around the world," he raised his arms in excitement as a dramatic riff played, "in a _jet_, for one! Million! _Dollars_!" The music immediately segued into a tenser piece, underscoring the thrill of the announcement.

The chosen cast began to cheer and move forward, while seven who had been left out stayed against the wall and sulked – except for Dakota, who seemed more concerned with comforting her boyfriend.

/

The tense score continued back in the Celebrity Manhunt studio, where Blaineley shook her fist excitedly. "Woop woop woop! Celebrity Manhunt _exclusive_ alert!"

"Another season of Total Drama is coming," Josh added, "and I for one can't wait."

"Well, Drama Machine, what do you think of _that_?" Blaineley asked the show's robot. The camera quick-panned over to it rolling forward; it looked like it had been fixed, and the aged repairman was standing in front of it with a proud smile. It beeped and booped a few times as the needle on its mouth-meter plunged all the way to the right; the background music took a sudden twist, and the Drama Machine exploded into a cloud of pinkish smoke that left it wrecked and the repairman covered in soot.

Blaineley and Josh laughed. "Well, I think it's about time we signed off," Josh told his cohost before looking back at the camera. "Thanks for watching Celebrity Manhunt's Total Drama Reunion Special."

"We'll be back tomorrow night with more news on the new season, as well as _all_ the latest post-Gemmie celebrity gossip," Blaineley added.

"Until then," Josh finished, "goodnight everybody!" The two hosts waved, and their feed cut to a still image of the Celebrity Manhunt magnifying glass logo as a brief version of the show's theme played.

/

Static transitioned the scene to a long-distance shot of the Total Drama Action film lot, which promptly zoomed in to the make-up trailer used for confessionals.

xxx

"So it seems I've been given another chance at winning a million," Alejandro opened with a grin, his body now paint-free. "Excellent. This time, I'll make sure to keep a _close eye_ on that cheating señorita, Scarlett."

xxx

"Ya hear that babe?" Geoff began the next confessional with his arm already around his girlfriend's shoulders, "another season! And we're goin' around the _world_!"

Bridgette chuckled. "It's gonna be amazing! Nothing's gonna hold us _back_ this time, either."

"_Shyeah_," Geoff said, looking into Bridgette's eyes. The two began to make out moments later.

xxx

"Oh em gee," Sierra started her turn with an excited grin, "not only to I get to be on Total Drama for a third time, but I don't have to do it with that _rat_ Topher," her voice and face briefly became viciously hateful. "To think, I'll be able to provide the fans with all the inside info they've been waiting for! So many questions to answer," she suddenly became thoughtful, "maybe I should make a list..."

xxx

"Lightning may have struck out twice so far," the uber-jock opened with a serious look on his face as he pointed at the camera, "but he is _not_ gonna let that happen a third time. So everybody better be sha-watchin' their backs, or else Lightning's gonna run them over. Sha-bam!" He ended his confession by pounding on the countertop.

xxx

Ezekiel was next, wearing shades and a bucket hat with a small 'Z' on the front. "Ho-ho-homies," he attempted to rap, "get in focus," he pointed at the camera then at himself, "and take notice. I'm what is," he quickly laid on the counter then ducked beneath it, "oh yeah, the show biz!" He leaned into the mirror and mimed scratching a turntable, then crossed his arms. "Unh-unh-unh-unh-uh-huh!"

The chair he was sitting in fell over.

xxx

"Oh em gee," Sammy confessed with a wide smile on her face, "I am _totally_ looking forward to this. There's no _way_ Amy can force her way on the show again, so I'll finally get to spend some time with Dawn again! And DJ too." She started to blush. "I wonder if we'll get any alone time on the jet...?"

xxx

"I'm not looking forward to being stuck in cramped quarters with everyone else," Shawn told the camera, "y'know, in case a zombie sneaks on board, but hey! If I win again, maybe I'll actually get to _keep_ the money!"

xxx

Scott grinned darkly into the camera, idly whittling a piece of wood as he made his confession. "I've been _itching_ for another shot at this game, so bring it on McLean."

xxx

"Oh man, this is _awesome_!" Tyler confessed excitedly, his eye wandering around the trailer. "I might be the new guy, but I'm going all the way to the _top_!"

xxx

"Don't you worry, Momma," DJ told the camera, "I'm gonna win this one and buy you a big ol' house!" He spread his arms wide, then sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. "And maybe we could have the girls over more."

xxx

Sugar opened with a chuckle. "Looks like it's time to show them others what Sugar can _really_ do! An' they won't know what hit 'em." She chuckled again.

xxx

The next confessional began with Dawn sipping from a steaming mug. She set it down, stirred it with a small spoon a few times, then stared down at it.

She sighed. "Nothing I didn't already know." She looked up at the camera. "Hopefully I'll be able to _resolve_ my inner turmoil this time around, and not just add to it."

xxx

"This is just wonderful!" Ella said. "I never _dreamed_ I'd get the chance to compete on Total Drama. This calls for a song!" She cleared her throat.

"With a flash and a bang, from red carpet to bus,"

"Now I'm part of the cast filled with drama and humor;"

"On the trip of our lives, with the world watching us;"

She suddenly became sheepish as she sang the last line quickly.

"Sorry Mom and Dad for not calling you sooner!"

xxx

An extra long bout of static ended the string of confessionals, and the footage picked up in front of a somewhat squat and patched-together brown jumbo jet. On the side of it that faced the camera, both near the nose and on the tail fin, was plastered a large logo of Chris McLean in a classic pilot's outfit. A boarding escalator had already been wheeled up to the lone door on the jet's side.

"Sixteen teens!" Chris himself announced, looking quite small as he walked into the scene from the right. "A trip around the world, and a million dollars." The camera cut in closer as he reached the bottom of the escalator. "What more could you _possibly_ want?"

Just then, Chef Hatchet came down the escalator wearing a female flight attendant's uniform and a curly blonde wig. "How 'bout music?" he suggested.

"_Yeah_," Chris said with a sly look, "everybody's doing the musical thing now. Sure!" He shrugged happily. "Aaaaand music!" He shot a win and finger pistol off camera. "See ya next time, on Total! Drama!" The camera zoomed out twice, then moved to and angled shot of a flagpole on top of a building as what sounded like a grand and dramatic piece of show music began to play.

"_Musical_!" Chris and Chef sung as they jumped out from either side of the pole and a plane took off behind them.

"_Muusiicaal_~!" they repeated, Chef holding Chris over his head as the two rode the top of a baggage tug.

"_Muuuusiiiicaaaal_~~!" The camera flashed back to the two standing by the boarding steps with their arms held high, the shot pulling back as the music came to a peak.

The nose of the jet suddenly broke off and fell forward onto the ground with a crash.

"Uhh, maybe not!" Chris said.

The dramatic music briefly resumed as a logo took over the screen – a small black jumbo jet circling a globe-like earth with the title 'TOTAL DRAMA WORLD TOUR' on it.

(Fade to Credits)

* * *

**Author's Note - Post Script**

Hoo boy, so much to talk about. Before diving in to the cast for next season, I suppose I should talk about some of the other things first. One is Chris' comment at the end about 'sixteen' contestants rather than 'seventeen'; it was the same in canon, and I'm operating under the assumption that it was meant to reflect Chris not liking one of the cast (which in canon was Ezekiel). Then we have...well, all the Celebrity Manhunt bits. I kept several the same, obviously, and I hope you all don't mind. The rest, I think, gave a good showing of what most of the cast were doing in the months since season two, while also fitting in with the same pacing as the canon version of the episode. Hopefully nothing seemed too out-of-place.

The replacement for the Drama Brothers has been somewhat of a thorn in my side since the early stages of planning for TSWT. I'm not entirely certain 'Drama to Drama' was the best way of filling their shoes, but I needed someone to fill the role and overall I'm content with the idea of Topher, Alejandro, Beardo, and B forming some sort of rock band together.

The cast determination getting changed was to have the tension last longer - if I'd kept it the same as canon, you'd all know the cast for next season as soon as the group split. As for how the cast was actually determined, hopefully you all liked it, and it didn't seem weird or anything.

And now for the two newbies. Ella, of course, was an incredibly lucky selection. I'm still not entirely sure if I would have picked her for this spot had I done the shuffling manually, since I think she presents her own...problems for writing next season, but for now I'm glad to have her. Writing her introduction was a blast, as was having her get on the season basically by accident. Plus, she gave me some chances to practice my songwriting. How did everyone like her singing this chapter?

Then we have Tyler - I don't think anybody was predicting him. He is, of course the contestant who competed in the canon version of World Tour, but here he's obviously going to have a different time in the Shuffledverse. With no Lindsay to orbit around, I'm gonna have to see what he can do on his own.

Now I'd like to talk about some of my reasons behind my picks for the rest of the cast. To start, I'll explain why I decided to cut the five that I did.

B: As I've said, he cannot sing and thus I cannot in good conscience include him in TSWT.

Amy: The entire reason why I had her enter TSA was to finish her subplot with Sammy, and with that she's got nothing left I really want to do with her. A possible relationship with Scott could be interesting, but I'd rather just give Sammy the chance to develop without her.

Jo: After TSA, I just don't think there's anything more I can do with Jo. She had a good run and a great end, and I figured it would be best to end it there.

Beth: Although her being in World Tour could be interesting, as could exploring her craftier side, but neither were things I was really considering when I decided the cast. She just wasn't interesting enough to warran a spot compared so the others.

Topher: Probably the most controversial of the five decisions (along with Jo). As much as his rivalry with Sierra was fun to write, I felt it was time to see what they can do when their rival isn't around. And since Sierra was in the canon season, I figured having her in and Topher out would give me the best chance to show them individually, if that makes sense.

I won't go into what I'm planning for Ezekiel, Scott, Staci, and Sugar, so for that end I'll focus on why I didn't give Sam or Dakota another chance. To wit, it's been my go for these three seasons to make sure that nobody gets wasted in the same way that Katie, Sadie, and Eva were in canon - minor characters in one season, sidelined in the rest. For Shuffled, I decided I wanted to give everyone a decent amount of screentime and development, and that meant making sure those who only got on one season still did stuff in the others. Thus, with B getting a spot in TSA, I was left with two people who would only compete in season one - and since Sam and Dakota are the Aftermath hosts, I don't think they're gonna be wanting for screentime.

For the eleven contestants who've gotten a part in all three seasons, I think most of them speak for themselves. The only one that I expect to be that shocking is Scarlett, considering what happened in the finale. For her, I just wanted to prove that it can be done - she's been outed as evil, but that doesn't mean she can't still compete.

And with that, the starting cast for Total Shuffled World Tour has been set:

THE VETERANS

Alejandro, The Arch Villain  
Beardo, The Human Soundboard  
Bridgette, The Surfer Girl  
Dawn, The Moonchild  
DJ, The Brickhouse With Heart  
Geoff, The Funnest Guy Around  
Lightning, The Athletic Overachiever  
Sammy, The Cheerleader  
Scarlett, The Evil Genius  
Shawn, The Zombie Conspiracy Nut  
Sierra, The Bridge To The Fans

THE RETURNEES

Ezekiel, The Homeschooled Guy  
Scott, The Devious  
Staci, The Compulsive Liar  
Sugar, The Pageant Queen

AND INTRODUCING...

Ella, The Fairytale Princess  
Tyler, The Jock

I hope you're all looking forward to Total Shuffled World Tour. _**I'll be posting the first chapter of the new story on Friday, August 14th - two weeks from today, in other words.**_

Until then, so long. And thank you, all of you, for reading and reviewing. It has made this journey all the more worthwhile.

\- Fangren


End file.
